


The Right Breeding Florpus

by TwoIZAuthors



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/F, F/M, Florpus holes, Humor, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, crossover of two fanfics, mentions of rape/abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 188,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26648038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoIZAuthors/pseuds/TwoIZAuthors
Summary: Rite not Right and The Breeding Project fanfic worlds collide. A Florpus hole is unleashed in the home of Zim and Dib transporting their three-year-old hybrid Lilith and Head Medic Mik into the Tallest suite of Tallest Red and smeeting Ascending Tallest Purple. Becoming responsible for a smeet much sooner than they expected and gaining a medic that thankfully knows about smeeting Irkens, what changes will their presence bring? How will Mik's and Lilith's lives be changed in this new world? Like ripples in a pond these two will bring about big changes and in turn their lives will be impacted in unexpected ways.An AU crossover fanfic. Old favorites and new characters emerge for this long and plot driven ride. Give this fic a chance if you liked Rite not Right or The Breeding Project, we worked hard on this AU that has fun characters and an extensive plot and world building.Updated every Sunday!
Relationships: Almighty Tallest Purple/Almighty Tallest Red, OC/OC
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	1. Two Universes Clash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Octopusfan13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Octopusfan13/gifts), [Marijke_Rose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marijke_Rose/gifts).



> Terms to know! 
> 
> Champion: These are the fighters, who participate in the Maa Fi to win a Trophy. All Tartlings are Champions regardless of eye-colour. Only Baselings with ruby or red eyes are Champions.  
> Trophy: These are the prizes, Irkens who wait to be won by a Champion. All Sweetlings are Trophies regardless of eye-colour. All Baselings that DON'T have red or ruby eyes are Trophies.  
> Ascending Tallest: Tallest-in-training  
> Subgenders: Male/Female are the binary primary physical genders; Subgenders are secondary reproductive system, that allow males to bear smeets and females to sire smeets.  
> Sweetling: The most receptively fertile (bearers) subgender.  
> Baseling: Mid-range fertility (same chance of siring or bearing) subgender  
> Tartling: The most actively fertile (sires) subgender.  
> Dadi: Male sire (male 'fathers')  
> Dami: Male bearer (male 'mothers')  
> Madi: Female sire (female 'fathers')  
> Mami: Female bearer (female 'mothers')
> 
> Note: These are all explained in story, but if you want more informatuon on Champions and Trophies and Wor Hol, it's recommendable to read the prologue of Rite not Right, as it it explained in more detail there.

There was a sudden shift. Like things went sideways for only a slight moment. One moment Head Medic Mik was conversing with Dib and Zim, and the next there was a loud siren in the background of their call. Mik frowned at the sound and an odd sensation washed over him. He wobbled. His head seemed blurry. Looking up, he saw that the call had ended. Glancing around, the medbay on the Massive seemed normal, but he could tell something wasn’t right. 

***

Lilith touched the button. She knew she shouldn’t touch Pop’s button, but it was so shiny and red. When she did, the pretty swirls inside the glass got bigger and bigger. She wasn’t scared though, something told her that it was time for an adventure! Everything went dark for a moment, but then she blinked and her eyes worked again. 

She was someplace new, but more importantly she smelled donuts! Looking up she saw a plate on the counter above her head. That must be where they were. She tried reaching up, but it was so high. Puffing up in frustration, she looked around until she found something to throw at the plate to knock it down. It fell to the floor with a crash and Lilith held up her donut in victory, but quickly ducked behind the counter when she heard the door open.

Purple had been lounging about in bed working on his lessons (a _boring_ one that he was having trouble focusing on) when all of a sudden there was a loud _crash_ from the dining chambers and his antennae snapped up. A second later, he was up and hurrying to see what was going on. Red was probably the culprit, he figured. He must've come back early and maybe was having hoverbelt problems, Purple giggled to himself. Once there, he paused before the door to hide his amused grin in favour of an irritated frown, then stepped forward, activating the automatic door and walked in.

"Red! What are you _doing_ ?!" he demanded. "I'm trying to study-" he halted mid sentence, for there was _no one there_. "Red? Huh..." He wandered further into the room and... stopped in his tracks as he stepped into something squishy. He looked down to find, "Ew! A donut?" Then he saw the tray and other donuts on the floor.

Lilith hid as soon as she heard someone coming. She’d been naughty and broke the plate. Ducking behind the counter with her prize still in hand she watched the stranger come into the room. 

"What are these doing on the floor?" he wondered aloud. "Red?" he called, but received no answer from his partner. "Huh..." He shrugged and reached down to begin picking up the mess of donuts while wiping his foot against the floor to rid it of the crumbs. At least it had only been a plain donut. No sticky, gooey glaze he'd have to wash off with cleanzor.

When the stranger came farther into the room, Lilith’s eyes widened incredibly large at how tall he was. He didn’t seem angry at the mess so she forgot to be scared. Looking at him, she came to a startling conclusion. 

“An Irken!” she exclaimed out loud in surprise with her small smeet voice. She’d only been around Pop and seen Uncle Mik through the TV. Everyone else was human like her Daddy, but he looked just like her Pop so she knew he _had_ to be Irken.

Purple froze and dropped a piece of plate as he heard what was very most definitely a _voice_ and very most definitely NOT _Red’s._ “Tak?” Though he couldn't fathom why - or how - Tak would sneak into the Tallest Suite and play mean pranks on him. No, it couldn't be Tak.

Now wary, he glanced around, then raised up to his full height, the mess already forgotten, and gathered up his most authoritative voice he could muster. “Who’s there?” he demanded, though his ‘most authoritative voice’ was frustratingly tinged with a slight tremble. He cleared his throat, then, “I heard you, so come out right now.”

Lilith ducked back behind the counter. He was _mad_ now. But still, she couldn’t stop her curiosity and poked her head around the corner to look at him as she licked the crumbs off her fingers. She was still _so_ hungry and spotted one of the fallen donuts that had rolled just within her reach. As he looked around the room Lilith dared to reach out but she reached too far and tripped, falling over right in front of the donut with an _oomph_ . Quickly snatching it up, she then looked over to see if she had been caught. _Yep_. She froze and stared wide-eyed at the purple eyes looking at her.

Even _he_ couldn't have missed that sound and Purple gaped wide-eyed as a smaller Irken fell quite literally at his feet. He took an involuntary step back, still gawking, as a number of scenarios ran through his mind. A strange Irken- wait... an _Irken_? He wasn't so sure of that because he noticed the strange thing on their head and her skin looked very… very odd. 

“Wha-” he croaked, then cleared his throat. “What are you... doing here? How… how did you even _get_ in here!? And what are you?” The questions just tumbled right from his mouth.

Seeing that he wasn’t mad, but not wanting to take a chance Lilith shoved the donut into her mouth before he could take it away. 

“Ahm ah gurl. Mhrg dunur o,” she answered his question with her mouthful, making it quite impossible for anyone but herself to understand her.

Purple blinked as his unexpected visitor shoved a donut into her mouth, then couldn't help frowning in envy, for she was _yet another person_ that could eat the food he used to love so much right in front of him. His stomach was still too queasy to eat much. 

“I’m sorry, what was that?” he asked as she tried to speak with her mouth full and dared a quick, discreet sniff in her direction. She _smelled_ Irken, like a very young smeet. Or at least, too young to participate or have participated in War Hol, for her sub-gender had not presented, but she looked so _weird_ . Still, he felt somewhat more relaxed, for it was unlikely a _smeet_ of any species was going to attack him. Besides, she did have good taste in snacks and donuts just had to be enjoyed with the entire thing in your mouth. It was how they tasted best.

Lilith swallowed and then tried again. “I’m a girl! My name is Lilith. I’m...” she paused and looked down at her fingers, five on each hand. She held up three. “I’m almost four!” she said proudly. “I’m on an adventure! There was a button—Pops said not to touch it, but it was big and red—“ she added, as if that negated the rule to not touch it. “Then all the sparkles got _reeeeally_ big.” She stretched out her arms so wide she almost toppled over again. “Then **bam**!” She clapped her hands together. “Donuts!” She ended her story pointing to where the plate used to be on the counter.

_Five_ patchy, green fingers? Purple gawked, almost missing everything she said during her notably animated retelling. Young. She was indeed _very_ young and it was hard not to smile, because she sounded just like he and Tak when Lem confronted them about their little shenanigans when they were little.

“Lilith, huh?” he repeated, placing his hands on his hips and tried to make some sense of her story. “And you say there was a big red button that you weren't supposed to touch?” She must have been messing around in the transport rooms and managed to transport herself here, he figured. But what was such a young creature doing here on the Massive? Maybe she was a science project or someone’s ‘pet’... or, most likely, they had alien visitors he didn't know about who'd brought their child with them and she, as offspring are wont to do, ran off. He made a mental note to ask Red as soon as he could, but first, what to do about her in the meantime?

Lilith nodded as she studied him. He didn’t seem mad or mean. She liked him! “What’s your name? Are you Irken too?” she asked, just to make sure, but didn’t wait for his answer as she rambled on. “Will you be my friend? I never had a friend before! Gir doesn’t count because he’s a dog and Pop’s friend. But he can leave the base any time he wants.” Lilith crossed her arms and puffed up her cheeks. “I’m not allowed to leave the house. Pops said it’s because I can’t control my antennae yet. But I can! See?” Lilith pulled the elastics off her two pigtails, letting her black hair hang loosely over her shoulders. She made a very concentrated face for about five seconds before two black antennae popped upright on her head. “I counted all the way to 10!” she said proudly.

All Purple could do was gape like a complete idiot at her as she enthusiastically slammed him with questions upon questions. “Y-you-you’re an… an _Irken_??” he stammered. Then as she showed off her, indeed, undeniably Irken antennae, he managed a, “Yes… you can.”

"Yay!" Lilith took his 'yes' as the answer to if he would be her friend.

He shook his head, trying to clear it and grasp what was being presented to him, to make sense of this strange creature that claimed to be Irken. He bit his lip as he thought about the best thing to do and made his decision.

“Okay, I… I suppose… well, you're obviously lost and I don't suppose you know your way back to… wherever it is you belong...” Then he looked down at the mess on the floor. He’d have a service drone take care of it, he decided. “Um… I guess the first thing to do is… are you still hungry?” The one thing he knew for sure about smeets was that they shouldn't go hungry, plus it would give him a chance to figure out what to do next.

She ran over and hugged his leg, then spread her arms up and made grabby hands for him to pick her up. "Let's eat lots of snacks together! Snacks are my favorite!"

Purple gave a start as she slammed into his legs in a stangle-hold of a hug, then froze as he looked down at her. Never ever would an Irken dare such a thing to the Tallest Consort! But… she was just a smeet, he reminded himself. When she raised her hands, he just looked at her blankly, for this was a gesture he was unfamiliar with.

“Uhh…” he stepped back and _right_ into another donut. He looked down and made a face. “Yuck!” Then pulled himself together and looked back to her.

Lilith dropped her arms a little sad at being rejected, but giggled when he stepped into the donut.

He gestured to a chair at the table, which automatically swivelled to face him. “Have a seat and I’ll get some from the computer.”

"Okay!" she said brightly and turned to face the seat. It was pretty high up and, grabbing the edge of the seat, she tried to pull herself up. She got her feet off the ground and, after kicking wildly, finally hoisted herself up into the seat. 

Purple almost scrambled to help her lest she should fall, but she managed it and he exhaled softly in relief. What a great start! he thought bitterly about himself. First time with a smeet in his care and she’d almost had an accident! 

She sat feeling very proud of herself and beamed at her new friend. "I wanna talk to the computer! Hi, Computer!" she said up to the ceiling being used to the one at home.

He stepped up beside her, idly wiping his foot on the floor again, and waited as she spoke to the computer. It didn't respond to the strange smeet and he frowned.

“Computer, answer her,” he demanded.

” _Yes, my Tallest. Hello, smeet Lilith,_ ” it said in its masculine voice.

“That’s better,” Purple said with an indignant sniff. “And don't ignore her again, lest I-” he halted before adding the insult. A Tallest wouldn't _need_ to, so neither should an Ascending Tallest. He cleared his throat. “Nevermind. Just do as I say.” Then he turned to Lilith. “You wait here and I’ll just get you something.” He walked over to a snack dispenser and the screen turned on. He scrolled through some options, then realised he had a problem, so he looked toward her. “What do you like?”

"Donuts!" she said excitedly. "And Cupcakes and waffles, but only if Gir doesn't put soap in them," Lilith made a face.

Purple had never heard of ‘wah-fells’, but he knew cupcakes. “Alright,” he said and made some selections. Shortly, he had a large plateful of donuts and cupcakes as well as a vitamin drink for himself, the former of which he brought over and set on the table before her.

"Is your name Mai-tallest?" she asked as that was what the computer called him.

“No, my name is Purple,” he answered. “Tallest is my title, sorta… I mean, I’m not actually Tallest _yet_ , I’m Ascending Tallest-” He realised this was probably boring to such a young smeet and quieted as he took a seat adjacent to her with his drink and took a sip from the straw. 

“Nevermind. You may just call me Purple.” It wasn't protocol, he knew that, but she was a _smeet_ and he still wasn't used to the title.

He regarded her carefully. Her strange, patchy skin was worrying him. What if she was sick? And furthermore, who, on Irk, would _dare_ to experiment on an Irken? With her yellow eyes, she should've been transported to Mafitia - well, to one of its moons - to commence her training as a Trophy. But she was here on the Massive instead. He wondered if Red knew about this or not.

"Purple is a pretty name," Lilith said.

“Thank-” Purple began, but the talkative smeet went on, so he sipped as he listened. He’d have to get used to this, he figured, if he was going to have one of his own someday and didn't want to fail. 

"Did your Daddy or Pops name you that because you have pretty eyes the same color?" Lilith asked. "My Pops named me after a story about a scary demon lady that used to go around killing babies. It's his favorite story. Pops doesn't like hyoomans because they are stupid and babies are too. But he likes Daddy and he likes me too. Daddy is really smart. And Pops likes him. And Pops likes me because I am half of him and half of Daddy."

At her explanation of her name, he couldn't help the smirk that tugged at the corner of his mouth, for he liked the sound of the story too. Her ‘Pops’ apparently had good taste. Then his antennae pricked up and his mouth fell open. She was half of ‘Dadi’ and half someone named ‘Pops’ (which sounded like an Irken name to him)? 

“You-you're a _natural born smee_ _t?_ ” he gasped, forgetting his manners entirely. “I’ve GOT to tell Lea-Nard about this! And Red!” he exclaimed his thoughts aloud before he could catch himself, then made a face when he realised. “I mean… you _are_ a natural born smeet, of course. I just didn't know we had any here.” And he was certain Red didn't either, or else they’d certainly have met much sooner. 

“Oh, it all makes sense now!” He again forgot his manners. “And they didn't want you to be a Trophy, I bet!” But why would anyone experiment on her so? He hoped it wasn't her parents who had done it. There were a million possibilities that ran wildly through his mind. Maybe she was snatched away and smuggled onto the Massive. Maybe… He shook his head and forced himself back to the present. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Lilith watched Purple talk to himself. She was used to that as Daddy did it a lot. As she listened to Purple, she separated the snacks into two even piles. 

"This one is mine," she said, pointing to the one pile. "This one is for you," she said, pointing to the other. "Friends share," she explained and picked up a donut. 

Purple looked at the plates she had designated as hers and his. Perfectly and carefully divided. Very generous for an Irken. Only Red had ever showed him that sort of generosity. The warm feeling the smeet (surely unwittingly) caused in him brought the smallest of wistful smiles to his face. Friends, she had said. In his life, he’d only had two of those: Tak and Red. A third friend didn't sound too bad, even if she was a smeet. “Well… thank you,” he said softly, then looked at his drink. “But I can't eat most of that. I can't keep it down.” He picked up one of the plain donuts, then pushed the plate in her direction. “You should eat until you're full and then… I think I should call Red. He’ll need to know about you.” And maybe have any idea as to what Purple should do with her.

She nodded, then she remembered what he asked. Her parents talked about her birth to her a lot so she would understand. This was her first time having a friend and she was excited at the chance to explain. 

"Daddy and Pops made me. So I'm half Hyuooman and half Irken. I'm a high-bread,” Lilith said and that was a shocking revelation to Purple. She was half Irken and… half _alien_? A hybrid, he was familiar with the term. He had no idea Irkens were compatible with any other species (or ‘hyooman’, whatever those were). That was as fascinating as it was shocking. 

“But I can't leave the house,” she continued. “Because the people on Daddy's planet don't like aliens. If they found me--" Lilith leaned forward and whispered. " _\--they would make my insides outsides,_ " she said, both scared and excited to tell that part. "When I'm bigger, Pops promised that he would make me a disguise just like him so I can go out and play!"

At the conclusion of her tale, Purple frowned. So someone _did_ want to experiment on her and her parents had tried to protect her. Then Purple’s heart sank at the revelation that she wasn't allowed to go outside. He knew far too well how it felt to live pretty much like a caged animal, even if it was for one’s ‘own protection’. 

“Well, no one here will make your insides outsides,” he told her, feeling an odd need to reassure her. “I will see to that.”

Lilith smiled at the reassurance. “Me too! I will protect you too because that’s what friends do. They help each other,” Lilith said, nibbling on a donut. She then remembered that her friend said he couldn’t eat donuts. 

“Your belly hurts? Are you sick?” Lilith put down her donut and did her best to copy her Daddy’s _firm_ voice. “You have to take your medicine even if it tastes yucky.” She then picked her donut back up and gave Purple a secret smile. “But then you can have extra snacks _AND_ you can be extra naughty because your Daddy can’t be super mad when you are sick.”

“Heh, then you’d be the second.” Tak usually helped him get INTO trouble rather than out of it, not that it hadn't always been fun though. He then held up his drink. “That’s what this is for, but I’m not actually _sick_ sick; I’m going to have a smeet of my own.” He took a bite of his donut. At her little secret, he couldn't help a small snicker. A mischievous smeet who knew all the tricks. He approved.

Lilith’s eyes lit up. “You’re going to be a Pops too? When is the smeet gonna get here? I’m going to be their friend too!” she declared excitedly.

“A ‘Pops’,?” he repeated. That sounded like ‘Pops’ wasn't her parent’s name, but rather what they were called on whatever planet she was from. Well, then… ”Yes, I suppose so. We say ‘Dami’ here, though, for the male Irkens who are smeeting.” He shoved the rest of his donut in his mouth and chewed. Once finished, he took a long sip of his smoothie to wash it down and looked at her plate, then back to her as he regarded her thoughtfully, and a question came to mind, “This stuff on your head, what is it and why do you have it? I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“It’s my hair,” Lilith giggled, finding it silly that he didn’t know. “My Daddy has black hair just like mine, but his is short and stands up like this.” She held a hand over her head. “I have it because Daddy has it. But he says mine is softer. Here,” Lilith said and crawled onto the table and sat in front of him, her little legs hanging off the side. 

“‘Hay-er’?” Purple repeated the strange word slowly and carefully as he watched her get up and crawl right _over the table_ , something he had always gotten in huge trouble for as a smeet. And exactly because of his experiences, he was _not_ going to be reprimanding her for it. 

“You can touch it. Daddy likes to braid it and brush it to make it look pretty,” she said, fluffing her hair out.

“I can touch it?” he asked, his curiosity now nearly overwhelming as he watched her fluff at it. He was already reaching out for it, but halted a centimetre before. “Is it sensitive like antennae?” He didn't want to hurt her or worse, touch her inappropriately.

“Nope!” Lilith answered. “Hair doesn’t have feelings. Only at the top. It can grow really long, so Daddy has to keep cutting the ends to make it shorter. He has short hair because he’s a boy. I have long hair because I’m a girl. It even falls out sometimes. Daddy said that hair isn’t alive.” To prove her point she ran her fingers through it and came away with a few loose strands. She held them up to show him, then shook them off her hand onto the floor. “But I can feel where they grow.” She pointed to where it was coming out of her skin. “So don’t pull it. Pulling hurts. That’s why Pops isn’t allowed to brush my hair. He doesn’t do it good, so Daddy brushes my hair. If I don’t brush it, it gets messy and in knots and getting knots out hurts because it pulls,” she explained, tilting her head to let Purple pet her.

“Alright,” Purple said, having leaned in closer as he listened carefully to her explanation. “I won't pull.” And finally he touched it. It was surprisingly soft and quite strange. As she had done, he carefully ran his fingers through it, careful to avoid her antennae and not to scratch her head with his sharp claws. A discreet sniff told him it had its own scent. Mostly the same as hers, but slightly different too. 

“It is quite… unique.” With a few strands from the longer part still in his fingers, he curled it around one finger, careful not to pull. It was flexible, providing zero resistance. It was nothing like an Irken’s antennae or a Vortian’s hornlike antennae.

"Daddy likes to braid it and put it up so it doesn't get in my eyes. I can also hide my antennae inside it," she said, gathering a bunch up and taking one elastic from around her wrist and trying to wrap it around her hair. She stuck out her little pointed tongue as she concentrated. "Done!" she said, having at least gotten the elastic around her hair, but it was messy and not very secure. Her Daddy usually put it up, so she wasn't good at it.

“‘Braid’?” he wondered aloud. Purple observed the entire action and considered the potential usefulness of being able to hide your antennae that easily. Still, he was glad he didn't have any of that stuff growing from his head. It seemed like it would be very annoying. “It tickles,” he murmured. “Doesn't it?” There were few things Purple hated more than being tickled and that seemed to him like it would tickle terribly with the way the loose wisps of it brushed against her face.

"Not really?" Lilith said, poking a strand. "Sometimes after getting it cut, the little hairs tickle." She paused then looked at him. "Do you wanna try?" she asked, holding up her other elastic.

Purple shuddered over the mention of the little hairs tickling after being cut, then regarded the strange band she held out with confusion. “Try… what?” he asked, missing the point as he looked at the one she’d put in herself. “I don't have any of that hair stuff and I am certainly not putting it on my antennae.”

"No, that would make big ouchies," Lilith agreed as she giggled. "Do you want to try putting my hair up? Daddy likes to play with my hair sometimes and put it up in silly ways.”

Purple considered that option, then shrugged. “I suppose I could try,” he said, taking the band from her. From his PAK, he replayed the memory of her doing it just to make sure he had it right. His PAK also offered a memory image of how she had had it before, with it captured in two separate ones as though they were thick antennae. Her own job was so messy compared to the first one, so he would have to redo both, he decided. “You should take the other out so I can do both if you want it to look the way it did before.”

"Okie dokie!" Lilith said, happily taking out the elastic and handing it to him. She then scooted over to sit directly in front of him and turned around, sitting cross legged on the table so he could reach her hair better. Lilith leaned her antennae forward and gently held onto them so they wouldn't tilt back and get in the way; they sometimes did that when Daddy did her hair. 

"Ready!" she said, chipper.

Purple, however, paused in surprise when confronted with her back. “No PAK,” he gasped before he could stop himself. “You have no PAK,” he said in a calmer tone. The hybrid smeet was getting curiouser by the moment. The memories his PAK had recorded (which were better that the ones his fleshy brain did) revealed she hadn't had a PAK before either, he just hadn't paid attention to it in light of everything else that was strange about her. 

“Okay, well… nevermind, I guess you don't need one. It must be your hyooman half,” he guessed. Then he straightened up and, holding the band in one hand, reached for her long, black hair with the other. Parting the strange stuff like she’d had before, however, was tricky with one hand. In fact, he quickly found out it was impossible, for the stuff did not stay where he put it when he let go. It simply _hung_ uselessly from her head. No wonder she wanted it secured. So, slipping the band onto his wrist, for it was the only way he could hold it and use both hands for her hair, he began parting it.

It took some work and in order to get it straight enough so that it didn't just look ridiculous, he had to make very careful use of his claws (he was still afraid of hurting it should he slice any off even though she’d mentioned cutting the ends), but that seemed to work. “If it starts to hurt, tell me.”

"Mmm hmmm," Lilith hummed. As Purple played with her hair she closed her eyes. It was really relaxing and she always felt soothed when Daddy put up her hair, not Pops though. She could tell Purple had sharp claws, but it felt nice when he ran them through her hair. As he worked, her head drooped down and she began purring happily in a calm, almost sleepy trance.

As Lilith relaxed and even began to purr, Purple relaxed as well. He couldn't have been doing too badly if she was making that sound of contentment. Maybe it was like a head massage. He decided to take a little extra time with the task, though he couldn't fathom _why_ he felt the urge to do something that seemed to bring her comfort. He had never taken care of _anyone_ before. Not even his Life Mate, as Red was typically the one who did all the pampering.

It felt good, though, to do that for her. He could feel a small rumble in the back of his own throat, but he tried to hold back the urge to purr as well, so it remained nearly silent.

Eventually, though, he had her hair parted to his satisfaction and began slipping one band on. It was stretchy, but too large to hold her hair, so he would have to loop it twice. Having never done this, he didn't know how tight to make it, so he stopped before it had slid to her head, then he began tying the second one up, still taking his time.

Fed and soothed and her hair in its proper place, Lilith was getting sleepy. When she felt that Purple was done she ran her hands over her new pigtails. "I like them," she mumbled, turning to face him. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. Feeling tired and snuggly she slid off the table into Purple's lap and curled up against his stomach tucking her hands up under her chin and promptly fell asleep.

Purple’s eyes widened. Never had anyone (but Red) just crawled into his lap and cuddled up to him! Never would he have allowed anyone to. He had no idea what to do in the situation, but put an arm around her to support her lest she fall, and then he just sat there holding her almost protectively and gaping at her helplessly.

Lilith purred happily in her sleep. She felt warm and safe and started to dream about making a new Irken best friend the same age as her.

After sitting there for as long as his patience would allow (it added up to 11 entire minutes, which was a feat!), Purple couldn't stand it anymore. He had _hoped_ she’d wake up before then, but she hadn't and now he didn't want to wake her. Well, if she had slept this long, then he decided he could, just maybe, get up. So, carefully adjusting her in one arm and holding his breath, he swivelled the chair away from the table and stood up. Once on his feet, he looked down at her and exhaled in relief, for she had not stirred. From there, he walked over to a display and waved his hand and the screen flickered on displaying the Tallest insignia.

“Computer,” he began in a hushed voice. “Put me through to Red.” There was a beep and, a couple moments later, Red’s face appeared on it.

“Pur? Is everything okay? Is it the smeet?”

“No, everything’s not okay, but not with the smeet you're thinking of,” he grumbled. “And keep your voice down,” he added with a hiss.

Red looked baffled and frowned at him. “Pur, you're not making any sense. Should I call for Lea-Nard?”

“It’s not MY smeet,” he snapped, barely able to keep his volume down in his annoyance. “Tell me, are we making hybrids you haven't told me about?”

“Huh?”

“And what are ‘hyooman’?”

“Hyoo- _what??_ Pur, I’m calling Lea-Nard-”

“Oh, just look,” Purple said and took a step back until his little burden was on display and turned a little so Red could see her better without him having to disturb her. On the screen, Red gawked in the most satisfying and dumb expression Purple had ever seen and he smirked. “She’s half-Irken and I think she’s sick.”

Red, now blinking repeatedly, stammered. “S-sick? The-the-then… take her to the medbay immediately!”

“Quiet,” Purple hissed. “You’ll wake her up.”

Now Red glared. “Just _go to the medbay_ , I’ll meet you there.” And Purple saw him reach off screen. “ _Now_ , Pur,” he added before ending the call.

Purple shook his head, but would do as Red insisted, so he turned to go to his bed chambers. Lilith had, thankfully, slept through the whole thing somehow. As he headed to the door, he felt something squishy under his foot and groaned. He looked down to see he had stepped right smack dab on one of the donuts he’d neglected to clean up. He snorted at it, but said nothing further, instead he straightened up, wiped his foot off on the floor, and marched out of the room with as much pretended dignity as he could manage.

In the bed chamber, he stopped. “Computer, my uniform. And don't speak, just do it.”

Two robotic hands descended from the ceiling with his shoulderplates, which they set in place and locked. Next came boots, which he stepped into, then he left the chambers and then Tallest Suite - ignoring the surprised and curious looks the guards gave him and his strange, little bundle of hybrid - and marched off towards the medbay.

  
  



	2. The Medbay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be updated regularly on Sundays!

Lea-Nard grumbled to herself as she stood before a monitor in the medbay aboard nothing less than the fearsome flagship of the Irken Empire researching, of all blasted things, how Irken pregnancies and birth work. There was a frustrating lack of information on the subject, of course, but due to her promotion to chief medical drone status (bloody cyborgs and their ridiculous titles!) enabled her access to all available medical records and research.

"If there was any to speak of..." she grouched at the display. "You'd think a species that records everything to mechanical brains would have more."

***

Feeling a steady movement, Lilith slowly came awake. She could feel someone carrying her and lazily opened her eyes she looked up seeing green. "Pops?" she asked a bit confused, but after rubbing her eyes she became more awake. "Purple!" She smiled at him and reached up to grab at the shoulder plates. "These are shiny! Where are we going?"

Purple looked down. “Oops, I didn't mean to wake you. Did I wake you or are you just finished with your sleep mode? And we are, er --” he shuddered and desperately hoped she wouldn't hate it as much as he did. He unwittingly held her a little tighter, not enough to hurt her, but as though to protect her from the horror of their destination. “-- we’re going to the medbay, but don't worry! I won't let them do anything that hurts or is embarrassing or annoying or-” he paused and shrugged. “Well, you get the idea.”

"Oh," Lilith said a bit flatly. She wasn't unfamiliar with the medbay, it usually meant Uncle Mik wanted tests or to talk to her on the TV. She didn't like going to the medbay. It wasn't fun. It was boring and sometimes her parents had to take blood and she didn't like it. But Purple said that it wouldn't hurt, so that meant no blood would be taken today. However, something else was starting to unsettle her. As they walked through the hallway she saw more Irkens. A lot more than she had ever seen in her entire life! It was a bit scary to be around so many strangers so she nuzzled closer to Purple, hiding her face in his shirt. 

Purple did not miss the tone. It was the same one he used to use too (nowadays, it had evolved into a whole hissy fit) and he wrapped his other arm around her. “It’ll be okay. I’m an Ascending Tallest, so until Red arrives, _my_ word is law.” He was more quoting Red and trying to reassure her than he was entirely confident about his own proclaimed authority, but he was also determined. He would protect this little smeet!

Lilith peeked up at Purple, feeling a little better. "Okay," she said, still holding on tight to him and not looking around. She could sense there were others and she wanted to stay safe in Purple's arms. Unlike her usually chatty self, she remained quiet as Purple brought her to the medbay.

“Okay,” Purple said in agreement. As they approached, he didn't pester Lilith to talk or do anything else. He knew exactly how she felt, having been poked and prodded and never having a say about it all his life too (even if he didn't know the extent she had been).

He stopped before the doors. “Here we are,” he said quietly and gave her what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze. “At least Lea-Nard will be there. She’s my… she calls it _‘midwife’,_ and she’s nice. She never does anything you don't want, so I’ll take you straight to her.”

"Lea-Nard," Lilith carefully said the name with a frown. "I don't know her. There are lots of strangers here," she said, growing nervous. Inside the one room with Purple, it was fun and exciting to see another Irken. But since leaving she could tell she wasn't at home anymore. "I'm not 'possed to leave the house,” she mumbled, grabbing on tight as the doors opened and Purple stepped inside.

“It’s a big ship,” Purple said quietly as they proceeded on into the part of the medbay reserved for the Tallest. He could tell she was nervous, but he misplaced her worries as being over the medbay visit.

Once inside, there were few Irkens and it was quiet except for the sounds of various computers and humming of equipment. He glanced around to see that Red didn't appear to be there yet. The one or two medical drones he did see either wiggled their antennae or saluted, but remained quiet. He ignored them and went right to the room Lea-Nard had made into her private office, the doors of which would open automatically only for Red and himself, everyone else had to ring and wait for her permission.

Since he was expressly told to come and go as he pleased (his smeet, after all), he walked right up and, once they opened, walked inside.

“Hello, Sugarplum,” Lea greeted him in her calm, warm voice without looking up from a PAD she was hunched over at her desk. “What brings you _to_ me instead of calling _for_ me?”

“Well…” Purple began hesitantly, not sure how he should begin. “I… have a smeet here.”

“Mm-hmm, and how is she doing?”

“No, not that one, I mean, er, _this_ one.” 

“I’ve spent all day looking into everything I can find on Irken preg- I mean, smeeting, and delivery,” the Vortian said.

“Oh.”

“But there isn't much.” She raised her head and sighed. “Oh, and tell your sadistic maniac of a husband that I do _not_ appreciate that new medical drone. He’s been nothing but a pain.”

“Well, you can tell him yourself, he’s on his way here too.” Purple would not want to deprive her of the pleasure.

“Oh, perfect.”

"Are you Lea-Nard?" Lilith asked in a small voice. "You aren't Irken," she observed, seeing a completely new alien. In a different environment, Lilith would have been ecstatic to meet a new alien, but there was A LOT of new stuff right now and it was overwhelming. So she continued to cling to Purple, peeking shyly at the new stranger.

_That_ got Lea-Nard to turn around finally and, when she saw Purple with his bundle, she cocked her head. “Well, _that_ pregnancy and delivery certainly went faster than I expected,” she quipped at him.

“Huh? No, this… this isn't _my_ smeet-”

“I know, Sugarplum,” she said with a wink and approached slowly. “So, who do we have here?” She looked up at Purple. “Awww, she’s shaking like a leaf. I guess she met our beloved ruler already, hmm?”

Purple blinked. Lea-Nard’s lack of reaction to Lilith surprised him. “No… she… showed up in my dining chambers eating our donuts a while ago while Red was on active duty.”

“Aww, so hungry you braved the Tallest Suite?” Lea-Nard practically purred to Lilith. “And you guessed right, you clever one, I am indeed Lea-Nard, but you can just call me ‘Lea’, if you like.”

"Lea," Lilith repeated, relaxing since the lady seemed very nice, just like her friend Purple said. "My name is Lilith. This is Purple, he's my first friend," Lilith said, pointing up to Purple's face. She looked around the room and back at Lea. "Do you--" 

Lilith was interrupted as Mik walked into the open doorway clearly frazzled as he looked down at his reader. "I-I am sorry, but I still have no idea what is going on. I don't see why my authority is not being recognized. I--" 

"Uncle Mik!" Lilith cried out in happy surprise at seeing a familiar face. But it was weird. "How did you get out of the TV?"

Mik's head snapped up. _"LILITH?!"_ he squealed, shocked and panicked all at once. "What are you doing--- M-My Tallest?!" he said, noticing _who_ was holding her and nearly going into a panic attack as his PAK forgot to tell him to breathe as he processed this all at once.

Lea-Nard and Purple both turned in wide-eyed surprise. Purple more startled by the sudden excitement, while Lea-Nard looked from Lilith to Mik. “A-ha, so you two know each other already; and you think he’s your un-”

Red burst into the room, looking more than a little distraught. “WHAT HAPPENED?!” He hovered straight up to Purple. “I could hear shouting all the way from the bridge!” He met Purple’s blinking, dumbfounded eyes. “Well, close enough!”

“Ugh,” Lea-Nard grumbled, folding her arms, then continued in a flat mutter. “Now it just got way too crowded in here.”

When the other BIG Irken came into the room yelling, it startled Lilith and, already feeling overwhelmed, she began to cry. “I w-wanna g-go h-home!” she wailed from Purple’s arms. 

Mik _eep-ed_ as he scrambled to get out of Red’s way, and he almost burst into tears himself. Lilith was just with her parents. How did she manage to get into the hands of someone whom shouldn’t even be aware of her existence?!

Lilith’s cries jolted Purple back, and he cuddled her protectively, lowering his head to tuck hers under his chin. Lea-Nard joined him and gently rubbed her back.

“There, there, Lilith-dear,” the Vortian said soothingly. “It’s going to be alright. You're going to be alright.” She turned to Red. “Good job, you big lug!”

Red blinked, then glared down at her. “What did you call me?!”

“You heard me,” she said in a nonplussed tone and turned back to Purple and Lilith. She patted Purple’s arm. “Come, bring her over here,” she gestured to her desk chair.

Too alarmed to do anything else, Purple obeyed and settled into it. When Red started to follow, Lea stepped into his way. “You stay over there.”

“Vortian,” Red began in a warning tone.

“The children need some peace,” she interrupted firmly. “Both Lilith _and_ your own. Remember what I said about not over-exciting your mate?” That seemed to get to the ruler, for he stopped his advance. Looking up at him, she gestured to him to back up.

“I’m fine here,” he said in a tight, but notably calmer tone.

“If you can behave,” she succeeded, then turned around to face Mik. “That goes for you too: Calm down.”

“I-I... yes,” Mik said, growing more confused. They were certainly his Tallest, but something seemed... off. And then there was Lilith’s presence. It was very impossible for her to have been transported to the Massive from Earth in such a short amount of time. Mik grew quiet as he tried to figure things out. He should first send a message to Dib and Zim about their daughter, but then when he tried it didn’t send. The reader said there was no such address. Mik frowned and studied the others in the room. 

Purple’s soothing hold and the back rubs helped Lilith calm down. Lea was very bossy, but more importantly everyone listened to her, so Lilith labeled her as ‘in charge’ in her mind. She was nice, she wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. Purple too; her friend would keep her safe. Feeling better, she was able to calm down to small hiccups as she clutched onto Purple.

Oblivious to Mik’s problem now that he was calmer, Lilith was the main focus of Lea-Nard and Purple. As the Irken continued to hold her securely, the Vortian turned back to them and resumed her gentle backrubs.

“That’s better, Sweetie,” Lea said in a warm tone. “You’re safe. The grownups are just being typically over-dramatic, but it’s nothing you need to worry about. If it helps, your first friend, Purple, happens to be one of the most powerful people in the _entire universe_ ; so between the two of us, no one will harm you.”

At being described as powerful, Purple’s eyes flitted up to Red’s, both in question and even a slight apology. Red gave no reaction, instead just watched the small group from the spot he had refused to be moved from.

“Not even that big loudmouth in the pink dress,” Lea-Nard concluded, inciting a snort from Red.

That comment earned a giggle from Lilith. “Pops is really loud too. He and Daddy yell all the time. Gir yells a lot too, and not just when stuff is exploding.” Lilith giggled. “But that’s because Gir is usually the one makin’ stuff explode.” 

Lea-Nard smiled. “There, you see? Grownups are just loud sometimes.” Then she leaned in conspiratorially. “And just between you and me, Irkens do that _most_ of the time. I think they just like hearing themselves yell.” She winked and drew back.

Lilith giggled and nodded.

“My Tallest, why are you wearing pink? And where is Tallest Smeet Maroon?” Mik asked, unable to hold back anymore as he looked between his two rulers.

At Mik’s first question, Purple looked up at Red and couldn't hold back his ‘told ya’ smirk.

Red rolled his eyes and glared at Mik. “You too, huh? Pink is a good colour.”

Lea-Nard looked to Purple. “Maroon? You've named your smeet already?”

Purple shook his head. “No…” He looked at Mik, but said nothing.

So Red stepped in. “Explain yourself, medical drone,” he commanded.

Mik looked back and forth between them nervously. “M-My Tallest do... you recognize me at all?”

Both Red and Purple looked at him, then at each other and shrugged.

“Should I?” Red asked.

“Hmm, so you mean you _didn't_ assign him to me to annoy me?” Lea-Nard inquired thoughtfully.

“No,” Red answered irritably. “I did not assign him to you to annoy you. I mean, don't get me wrong, I’m certainly not sorry if he _has_ \- Has he?” he asked with a hopeful tone.

“Quite,” she answered. “He’s been in my way ever since he got here.”

Red smirked and looked at Mik. “Good job, medical drone.”

Mik was growing more distressed by this and turned to Lilith. “Lilith, do you remember anything about how you arrived here?” 

Sensing that she might be in trouble, Lilith looked off to the side. “I dunno.” 

Mik fought back his panic and turned back to the others. “I don’t want to alarm any of you, but...” he took a deep calming breath. “I believe we are all suffering from a severe bout of amnesia,” he said seriously.

“Amnesia? Are you crazy?” both Red and Lea-Nard said in unison, then looked at each other with a frown.

“That did _not_ just happen, Vortian,” Red said.

“Nope, your heinous,” Lea-Nard agreed.

Back to Mik, Red confronted him. “I’ve never heard something so ridiculous in my life.”

“You should listen to yourself more often,” Lea-Nard quipped without missing a beat.

_This again_ , Purple thought to himself with a roll of his eyes and a sigh.

“But it doesn’t make any sense!” Mik lamented. “How could Lilith get across half the known universe so quickly? Why are you not wearing your usual red and black Tallest armor? Why is Purple not wearing _his_ Tallest armor? And why is there a Vortian on the Massive? And where is Tallest Smeet Maroon? And how can you not remember me, My Tallest?!” Mik was on the verge of tears. 

Lilith saw how panicked Uncle Mik was and started to feel bad for lying. “Uncle Mik,” she said in a soft and guilty voice. “I do remember. I pushed the button and the swirly black and sparkly stuff came out.” 

About to have a nervous breakdown, Mik stared at Lilith trying to figure out what she meant. Then he remembered a previous argument Zim and Dib had about one of Zim’s more dangerous side projects. 

  
“ _You unleashed the florpus hole!?_ ” Mik exclaimed, his voice at an unnatural octave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Head Medic Mik from The Breeding Project! Everyone’s favorite socially awkward biscuit.


	3. The Florpus Hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick note: In this AU Zim and Dib *have* taught Lilith how to speak and read Irken. In the Original Breeding Project, they have only taught her how to read Irken. (or at least by the time she is older they have decided to not teach her Irken anymore and she doesn't remember how to speak it)

“A smeet pushed a button and activated a florpus hole?” Lea-Nard asked.

“And crossed half the known universe?” Red added in a disbelieving tone.

Purple, who had never heard of a ‘florpus hole’ before, looked at the others in question, but remained quiet, simply observing and attempting to piece things together.

"Yes, My--er The--Your---" Mik stammered, confused as to how to address the Tallest of another time and dimension. He couldn't think of anything so just continued with 'My'. "Yes, My Tallest, Lilith is a hybrid, part of a secret program the Control Brains initiated after the success of the breeding project. Her Irken and non-Irken parental units reside on a planet far outside of Irken controlled space," he explained, seeing no point in keeping it a secret in this universe and it was obvious by looking at her that she was no normal Irken. Besides he would answer any question asked by his Tallest. If the Tallest in his universe asked him about Lilith he would have also answered them. 

"And she didn't _activate_ the florpus hole," Mik explained to Lea. "She unleashed it. Her Irken parent has an, um, interesting side hobby of creating weapons of devastation and had previously created one. Fortunately, his partner, Lilith's non-Irken parental unit, is very intelligent and innovative and was able to create a temporary containment device before the florpus could reach its full capacity. If I recall correctly, they had been arguing very recently about the design choice the Irken parent had created for the more permanent containment chamber."

“An Irken is behind this, what a surprise,” Lea-Nard deadpanned.

Purple, however, stood up with Lilith held securely in his arms and approached Red. “A… a _breeding project_?” he whispered in horror, his antennae laid flat to his head and his eyes wide. “Are we…! Am I…! M-my smeet is…!”

“Errr…?” Red turned to him in concern.

“You mean I… I’m in a _breeding project?!_ Did _you_ know about this??”

“What? No! Of course not!” Red exclaimed.

Lea-Nard ignored the two and approached Mik instead. “You blasted cyborgs are creating _florpus holes_ on planets around the universe?!” She leaned close. “That a _child_ can activate?! Are you all completely out of your minds!?”

Mik stammered nervously as the angry Vortian approached him. 

Lilith, however, broke the tension by bursting out into laughter. "This is just like home!" 

Gaining a little more control over himself Mik wanted to correct something. "The Florpus hole is _not_ an Empire sanctioned creation. That particular Irken is well... in exile and, in exchange for particular information, he is allowed independence from the Empire and thus the Empire does not take responsibility for any of his actions. But I do not know if such things are being created here.”

Lea, who had listened to him while rubbing her chin thoughtfully was the first to speak. “So, you’re saying that there are rogue Irkens running around the universe?”

“Exile, huh?” Red commented. “You know, I may just have to do that to Zim someday if he keeps annoying me.”

Purple ignored his partner and his tired old lament about the former Champion.

“It is now my understanding,” Mik began. “That myself and Lilith have been transported to this universe thanks to exposure to the Florpus hole. And---" Mik cut himself off as something occurred to him. "My Tallest Purple, are you smeeting?"

“Yes, I’m smeeting! So, am I a part of some breeding project?” his tone was even demanding in his desperation. “Wor Hol wasn't _enough?!”_ Now that the flood gates had opened, Purple couldn't stop. “Did you know I lost _five_ because no one could figure out what was wrong with me when I got sick until Red ordered for a Vortian midwife!?”

Lea-Nard also waited for Mik’s explanation, with her arms folded expectantly and her expression exuding disapproval. “Yes, if he _is_ part of a breeding project, why wouldn't there have been a medical drone assigned to ensure his and his smeets safety?”

"Eh? Of course there was a medical expert assigned to Tallest Purple: Me." Mik pointed to himself. "I am the Head Medical Drone of the Breeding Project initiated by the Control Brains after the great smeetery crisis. I personally oversaw Tallest Purple's smeeting and Tallest Smeet Maroon's hatching as well as Lilith's. Not to mention the thousands of smeets that have been hatched on Irk since the start of the project five years ago. Oh, well, half an Irken year ago," Mik sighed, he'd been conversing with Dib and Zim too long. And he was also very pleased that he had refrained from saying Zim's name. It seemed, no matter the universe, he was hated. 

“Well, you're late,” Purple hissed at him and Red hovered up to him.

“No, wait,” he said softly as he leaned in. “He wasn't assigned to _you_ you, he was assigned to a different you.”

“He… I... _what?”_ Purple asked, looking up at him. “What are you talking about? What’s going on?”

“Stellar way of clarifying it, Tallest, my compliments,” Lea mock-complimented Red in a sweet tone.

Then it occurred to Mik what this Tallest Purple had said. _"Five?_ My Tallest, why would you want to create five smeets at once? With your height it is quite impossible. A smaller can successfully carry five smeets, that is the current record as of late, but with your height, in the later stages, you will need daily surveillance to make sure your body maintains the correct sugar balance to promote your smeet's growth for just one smeet." 

Mik switched easily into his medical mode. He quickly studied him and then pulled out his specialized reader to quickly scan Tallest Purple. "You are indeed smeeting. Early stages and..." Mik frowned at the data displayed to him then glanced up at the Tallest. "It seems your biological functioning and squeedilyspooch are slightly different. Hmmm. How fascinating. I wonder what other type of biological differences exist," he said and began mumbling to himself as he studied his reader. 

As Mik confronted him, Purple frowned. “Well, I didn't _want_ any smeets. It just… happened.”

Very familiar with Uncle Mik, Lilith sighed. "Uncle Mik can be very boring," she said, seeing that he had gone into one of his modes where he was very focused. "He doesn't listen to any of my fun stories when he looks like that," she told Purple.

Lea patted Lilith and her voice grew warm. “Well, Sweetie, maybe you’d like to tell me some of your stories when this is all over. I’ll bet you know all the best ones.”

“I have lots of good stories,” Lilith agreed and nodded to Lea. 

“But please excuse me for a moment,” Lea said. “Because this is relevant to my caring for Purple and his own smeet.” With a gentle squeeze, she walked over to Mik. “Actually, he would have had six, but the Irkens on this side of the florpus hole have the reproductive intelligence of babies. Since we’re both caring for our Purples, perhaps we can exchange our knowledge.”

“Oh!” Mik looked up from his reader. “Yes, of course.” He was actually very excited to start. His scientist mind was on a high at the opportunity presented to him. “We had to fill in the gaps of the Control Brains’ archival data as well. If I could only log into the medical system I could share my files. I thoroughly documented my My Tallest’s smeeting and can compare the data you have.”

As Mik went on and on, Purple edged closer to Red. “Red…” he whispered. Each new sentence raised his worries a notch. “Red…” he said again as he moved closer still.

“If I could also access basic Irken biology data I can run comparison charts to predict possible outcomes. Also having daily data to compare nutritional levels and smeet growth would be most beneficial,” Mik rambled more about possible tests and algorithms to run to gain the necessary data to compare and contrast the different Irken biologies.

Purple’s hold on Lilith grew unwittingly tighter. “Red…!” He moved until he was pressed against the armored skirt of his hovering partner. It was the touch that seemed to get Red’s attention.

The ruler bent down until his mouth was near Purple’s ear. “Sunshine?” he asked softly.

Purple gulped. “I… I will not have an internal exam, I… I will _not!”_

Red wrapped an arm around his shoulder and squeezed. “Of course you won't.”

“We can start now, is there an internal scanning pod?” Mik asked as he used that to non-invasively render 3D images of his Tallest Purple. It would also quickly analyze any variance of hormones and biology chemical changes due to smeeting with as much as a drop of blood. His survival with his Tallest depended on things being very easy and as least irritating to his Tallest as possible.

Lea patiently listened to all of Mik’s excited talk and planning and only spoke when he first paused. “We may be able to work something out, but first thing to know is that this is a high-risk pregnancy and my patient is easily stressed by medics. I will not allow any more stress than is absolutely necessary. He is not one of your science experiments, he is carrying a delicate and precious new life.”

Mik nodded as Lea spoke, but frowned when she mentioned that he was stressed. “Tallest Purple is stressed by medics?” he asked doubtfully, and glanced wearily over to him. “A-Are you sure you do not have that backwards?” he asked, but he nodded in agreement to her words. The less stress Tallest Purple was under the higher his own life expectancy was. 

Lea smiled pleasantly. “No, Purple is stressed by medics. - Medics are stressed by _him.”_ She pointed to Red. “And myself, of course, when they cross me.”

Mik nodded, then, glancing over, another starting revelation occurred to him. “Lilith! This will be the perfect opportunity to gather more in-depth data on you. Invader home bases--even with the new upgrades your parental units installed--are not nearly as good as the ones on the Massive.” 

“I don’t wanna!” Lilith whined, going limp in Purple’s arms and flailing in protest. 

“But it’s to better understand your genetic composition!” Mik argued. 

Jolted from his own worries by the sudden activity of Lilith, Purple adjusted his grip so as not to drop her. He looked down as the two negotiated and felt something take over. “No,” he said quietly but firmly, then looked up at his partner. “Red, I promised her no one would hurt her here.”

“Hmm…” Red hummed thoughtfully, then to Mik. “Well, you heard him. Though now that we’re on the subject --” he looked to Purple. “-- didn't you say she was sick when you called earlier?” He regarded Lilith now for the first time, then turned to Mik. “Since you clearly know her, I’ll expect that to be checked.” It was not a request, but coming from his mouth, of course, it never was. “And I will find out if there is a secret breeding project in my universe that _I_ haven't yet been informed of.”

Mik blinked at the implication that a medical exam would harm her. And he was still confused about why Tallest Purple would be stressed. “I would never harm Lilith, or any smeet beyond a standard yearly blood sample, unless of course there is a need to take more. Lilith was such a case when she was younger as we were unsure how stable her genetics were. And sick?” Mik stepped up to Purple and tapped Lea’s desk. Can you place her here, or is there an examination table to use?” He asked Lea. “Any form of sickness could be due from the crossover.”

“This is just my office,” Lea said. “We can use the table in the next room and it does have a non-invasive internal scanner.”

Purple relaxed a little at Mik’s assurance that he wouldn't harm Lilith and he looked down. “Would a simple check up be okay with you?” If it was odd to ask a young smeet for their consent, he didn't care.

Lilith hung over Purple’s arm. Then held up 3 fingers before lifting her head to look at Mik. “It will cost 3 cookies, big ones,” she said firmly.

“That can be done,” Mik nodded.

“Okay,” Lilith agreed. Mik followed Lea over to an examination table and after Lilith was placed down he scanned her with his reader and with the scanner Lea had. He wanted to compare the effectiveness of the equipment later.

He looked over the data and found nothing amiss. “Lilith,” he called and wiggled his antennae in front of her face. Like a cat her pupils expanded as she watched his antennae dart around. Mik watched her reaction and then gently checked her vitals. Just as she was about to grab an antennae Mik pulled them back and she snapped out of her daze. He then gently moved her arms and legs around, finding nothing wrong. He shined a light into her eyes and then felt around her neck. 

He’d never been able to touch her in person before. Seeing her skin this close and her hair; it was a marvel. He lightly touched her cheeks and face feeling for heat or signs of a cold. Then he began checking her gums and teeth. 

Lea and Purple stayed beside her the whole time, with the Vortian observing everything Mik did and offering her assistance as needed and Purple forcing his own apprehensions down. Meanwhile, Red hovered a small distance from the four so as not to be in the way.

Lilith remained patient as much as she could, but when Uncle Mik began poking around in her mouth she had had enough. Opening her mouth wide she readied to bite him with her sharp smeet teeth. Luckily, Mik sensed it and pulled back in time for her teeth to clack on nothing. He’d been bitten by enough smeets to be able to sense when to withdraw. 

“She is perfectly healthy,” he informed them.

“I liked you better as a TV, Uncle Mik,” Lilith grumbled. “And you owe me 3 cookies.”

When Lilith snapped at Mik’s hand, Red snickered. “Hmm, she certainly reminds me of someone,” he commented, amusement clear in his voice and Purple’s eyes darted to his.

“Only when you deserve it,” Purple muttered.

“I will acquire cookies as soon as I am able,” Mik promised, petting her head like he had seen her parental units do after their examinations. Lilith accepted the pet with a little purr. 

Mik then turned to Tallest Purple. “May I?”

Purple’s antennae sprung up in alarm when suddenly _he_ was to be next up and he swiftly shook his head. “I’m _not_ sick.”

“What did I tell you?” Lea asked Mik rhetorically, and stepped up to her patient. 

“Oh!” Mik grew nervous by instinct and realized how he could have been misunderstood. “Oh no, My Tallest, I wouldn’t dare! I was asking permission to scan up close. I would like to compare data with what I have.”

Lea laid her hand over Purple’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You are due for your smeet check with me, so perhaps we might permit Mik to observe? Any input he could provide would be useful to me in caring for you, since he has practical experience with Irkens.”

“Yes, if I could observe that would be beneficial,” Mik said.

Purple looked up to Red for help, but the ruler merely shrugged.

“As always, it’s your choice. He has already handled you, apparently-”

“Ohhhh, you're going to make my brainmeats explode!” Purple lamented while grabbing his head.

Lilith tugged on Purple’s shirt. “Ask for cookies,” she whispered, wanting to teach him the ways of getting extra goodies for doing medical stuff.

“He’s sure lucky to have you to look out for him,” Lea said smiling, at Lilith. “Remind me to give you some Vortian cookies later too. I bet you’ll love them.”

“I like all cookies!” Lilith said then thought. “But not soap cookies.” 

“Soap cookies?” Lea asked. “Never heard of that kind, Sweetie, but don't worry, Vortian cookies don't have ‘soap’ in them, I’m sure.”

“Oh good,” Lilith said. “I think only Gir makes soap cookies, and waffles,” she said, making a face. 

Purple glanced from Mik to Lilith and bit his lip, then back to Mik. _“Just_ one scan?” he asked warily. After all that which Lilith had just braved, he supposed he could handle a single scan. “And if you even try and stick your fingers in my mouth, I promise you will lose them,” he added with as much conviction as he could manage with his undeniably trembling voice.

Mik assured Purple that he would only do one scan and held up his reader close to Purple's midsection before pulling back to look at his data. He asked typical questions about the length of the pregnancy and any changes in eating habits, of which he found out about the food aversion and nodded. 

“Growth patterns seem to be similar to what I am used to. If the data aligns, soon your smeet will start growing in size. Once the desired size is reached it will spend the next period fully developing the organs and brain. After which a shell is formed indicating that the smeet will be ready to come out. 

“After birthing the egg, the smeet will hatch in a few days. The timing for the egg laying has to be closely monitored as keeping the egg inside too long can cause complications.” Mik explained about smeeting as he knew it, and offered his reader to Purple to show the small but detailed scan of his internal organ system and how to navigate the program to see inside. However, it wasn’t as detailed as a pod scanner would be. 

Looking around, Mik frowned at the lack of one. “Where is the full body internal pod scanner located? My reader only gives visuals; it doesn’t read biochemical levels as well. The pod has a more powerful scanner that will pick up on any chemical changes and sugar levels.”

Purple looked at the reader only shortly before offering it to Lea-Nard. “I don't… want to see any more blobs of cells growing inside me…”

“Hmm…” Lea-Nard said as she looked at the reader. “It seems your technology may be just a little more advanced than ours. We’re working on this on Vort, but have only made a prototype.” Then she procured a PAD from a nearby table. “Computer, permit Mik access to Ascending Tallest Purple’s medical scans in regards to smeeting.” It beeped in compliance, then she handed it over. “Here’s all the data I’ve collected. He receives daily checkups to try and ensure he doesn't lose this one as well.”

Red frowned. “How can you give _him_ access to your authorization level?”

“Trick of the trade, your heinous,” Lea-Nard said smugly. “This is Vortian technology, after all, but it only works on _this_ PAD for this session.”

“On Vort?” Mik said, a bit confused. “How? It’s been...” he stopped himself before saying anything more but the look of apprehension on his face probably gave away his thoughts. He tried to cover it up by looking over Tallest Purple’s data.

Lea-Nard looked at Mik in a way to show that she had caught his mistake, but she didn't ask. Instead, she began explaining their technology to him. How a scanner comes down from the ceiling and can provide a deep, 3D scan of his insides as well as hormone and biochemical levels. Nothing so compact as his reader and scanner.

“But, an experienced midwife can also check for uterus size and smeet movement, when it’s older, by feeling the moth- er, well, smeeting Dami’s abdomen,” Lea said.

“Oh!” Mik said, and glanced at Purple before going pale. “I tried to feel smeet movement once. It’s no longer a recommended action unless it is done by the mate.” 

“Well, I certainly wouldn't recommend just anyone doing it. It would be like me giving your antennae a good yank,” Lea-Nard said, half-joking.

“I documented that as well,” Mik said as a thin tendril expended from his pak and plugged into Lea-Nard’s PAD. “I’ll download my data on smeeting and smeet growth here so you may do comparisons as well.”

“Oh, thank you very much. I’ve been very curious to know how he is supposed to deliver without, well, you know, lady parts,” Lea said, using childish terms for the sake of Lilith.

“Um... what?” Mik blinked then quickly looked at the two versions of Purple side by side for his answer. “Unless the body changes during later stages. Surgical removal seems the only option,” Mik said, not sounding worried, just highly curious.

Lea-Nard looked at the two Purples as well. “That’s strange. I wonder why your Purple is different?”

Now Red hovered up behind the two and looked down over their shoulders. “It looks like your Purple has a female’s body.”

Purple’s head snapped up. _“What?!”_ he cried. “I’m a _female_ in… wherever you're from?”

“Hm?” Mik frowned. “No, my My Tallest Purple happened to be male dominant and female recessive, while my My Tallest Red was purely male dominant, therefore there were no female reproductive organs and Tallest Purple was the receiver of Tallest Red’s genetic material. 

“Lilith, despite the foreign genes, more or less, has an Irken body and is female-dominant and male-recessive, so if and when she becomes able to reproduce, she will be able to pick any Irken to mate with. Isn’t that the same with you, My Tallest? Since you are smeeting you must also be male-dominant and female recessive.”

Purple huffed. “I am most certainly _not_ female to any extent, recessive or otherwise.”

“I am also purely male recessive,” Mik continued. “Though I was not chosen to be sexually activated in order to remain clear-headed and an impartial observer during the project as becoming sexually activated has side effects such as heightened emotions.”

“Sexually activated?” Red said aloud and he and Purple both looked at each other, wide-eyed, then at Mik. “You aren't sexually activated? You mean you’ve _never_ had your second puberty? _That_ explains why I can't tell if you are a Tartling, Baseling, or Sweetling.” He leaned down and sniffed loudly in Mik’s direction. “Nope.”

Purple sniffed too, though much more discreetly, but just as Red said, Mik had none of those scents, nor did he give off even the slightest of male mating pheromones. “I’ve never met someone who didn't present,” he remarked.

“Second puberty?” Mik repeated. “Do you mean that Irkens here gain the ability to reproduce and respond sexually _naturally?_ Fascinating,” Mik breathed, then quickly explained how things worked on his side. “In the middle of Impending Doom 2, the smeeteries ran out of viable DNA to clone. To help with this crisis, several thousands of Irkens were chosen by the Control Brains to have their PAKs adjusted and updated to gain the ability to respond sexually and reproduce. The chosen Irkens were sent to Irk where they were able to find mating partners to make smeets. My My Tallest, being reproductively compatible, elected to stay on the Massive to pair off.

“There was, at first, an... “ Mik paused, searching for the right word. “Adjustment period, but the two were the first Irkens in several millennia to conceive a smeet. Currently, Tallest Smeet Maroon is .5 Irken years old. When he and the other smeets have reached their peak growth, their DNA will be collected to restart the smeeteries again. 

“Actually,” Mik added. “Because of the success of the first wave, the Control Brains authorized a second wave of Irkens to be activated and those Irkens smeets are close to .2 Irken years old. A third wave is in the plans in another .1 years as well. Before this, no Irken was sexually activated as the Control Brains long ago decided that such things were unnecessary to the Irken agenda.”

“See?” Red snickered and nudged Purple playfully. “We’re compatible in _any_ universe!”

“No sex,” Purple thought aloud, partially ignoring Red as he tried to grasp what he’d just heard. “But how can you complete the Maa Ri without sex? How can a Champion mark their Trophy?”

“Yeah,” Red agreed, then added, “And how could Purple spend, what, _years_ at my side and manage to keep his claws off of me??” He looked at Purple for a moment, then to Mik with a frown. “That’s impossible!”

Purple’s head whipped around to glare at his partner. “Hey!”

Red smirked sweetly. “Awww, just try and tell me it isn't true.”

“It’s _not_ true!” Purple snapped, but at Red’s continued infuriating grin, he wavered. Besides, his current smeeting state betrayed his claim.

“You know you can't resist me,” Red purred.

“I _guess_ maybe…”

“Yes?” Red prodded.

“It might be just a _little_ true…” Purple admitted.

“See? I’m irresistible!” Red grinned smugly.

“That is fascinating, Mik.” It was Lea-Nard’s turn, having done her best to ignore the royal pair. “It works a little differently here, but I'll leave the explaining to the Irkens since I’m not entirely sure of all the details myself.” 

She turned to Lilith. “I’ll bet this is all terribly boring for you, Sweetie. How about we go into my office and see what goodies I have in my _secret_ snack stash while the grownups talk about boring grownup stuff?”

Lilith’s eyes lit up at the mention of snacks as she was getting bored and all the science-y stuff was starting to look fun to play with. “Yay! Snacks,” she said, holding out her arms for Lea to pick her up. 

Lea-Nard picked her up with ease and carried her to the other room, the doors closing behind them.


	4. Yours vs. Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In here some questions you may have about the two different universes might be answered.
> 
> Also from this point onwards it when the timeline and event really start to veer away from the original plot of Rite Not Right.

Lea set Lilith down. “Computer, grant Lilith access to my secret stash.”

” _Access granted,_ ” it answered obediently.

Lea turned back to Lilith and bent down until she was at eye-level. “Go see if you can find it. Hint, it’s _somewhere_ in or around my desk.”

Lilith giggled and began searching around Lea’s desk until she found the drawer with all the snacks and proudly proclaimed so to Lea before picking one out. 

“Ooh, that was fast!” Lea exclaimed and clapped as she walked up to Lilith. “Clever smeet! Help yourself to any you’d like. Nothing in there will hurt you.”

“I am really good at finding snacks just like Pops,” Lilith said, pointing to her antennae and nibbling on some cookies. She looked up at Lea, “Will you be my friend too? Purple is my bestest friend because he is my first friend, but you can be my second friend! I like Purple a lot. He is nice and funny. He stepped on donuts,” she giggled, then took out a few cookies and set them aside. “Can I share these cookies with him? He’ll need cookies after talking with Uncle Mik.” 

“I’d be delighted to be your second friend if you’ll be my friend too and then you can tell me all your stories,” Lea said, smiling warmly. “Clever and generous, too! Yes, you may share them with him. He stepped in donuts, you say?” She giggled.

“Hehe, yep,” Lilith giggled. “There were donuts on the floor and he stepped in them twice!” She held up two fingers.

_“Twice?_ Now that is something!” Lea laughed. “Bet he just loved that.” She picked up one of the snacks herself and took a bite, for there was no reason to make the delightful girl eat all by herself.

“But then he made me more donuts and cupcakes too! He is good at sharing, just like my Daddy. He shares all the time. Pops has a hard time sharing, but Daddy says he is learning,” Lilith said, implying that he wasn’t good at it still. 

“Well, you've certainly mastered that lesson, so maybe you can help your Daddy teach your Pops,” Lea smiled.

“Yep!” Lilith said cheerfully. “I can teach Pops how to share, and Pops said he would teach me how to fight. I already know all my hyooman letters and Daddy is teaching me how to write Irken letters because Pops isn’t good at teaching stuff like that. Want me to show you?” Lilith asked excitedly. 

“Being able to fight is good,” Lea-Nard agreed. “Well, I could always use extra help with my Irken,” she said thoughtfully, and retrieved a PAD and a stylus and, after typing to open up a page, held it out to her. “Please do, Teacher Lilith.”

Lilith giggled, then took the stylist. Lea watched the girl carefully as she wrote the Irken symbols down, admiring how focused and sure she was. Lilith started by writing out the Irken alphabet, for being so young her handwriting was fairly neat. As she drew the symbol-like letters, her little tongue stuck out. 

Lilith drew all the letters of the alphabet and proudly showed them off. “I like Irken letters because they look like little pictures. I like drawing a lot. Want to see me draw?” 

Lea looked at Lilith’s work and smiled. “Very good, and I’d love to see you draw. Just swipe your finger to the left or right and you’ll get a fresh screen to draw on,” she instructed.

Lilith did so and happily started drawing and chatting as she did so. “This is Daddy,” she explained, drawing her non-Irken parent including his signature hair style. Her drawing was childish, but above what a normal almost-4-year-old would be able to do. “This is Pops.” She drew her Irken parent with angry eyebrows. “He’s always grumpy, except when Daddy is giving him lots of attention or snacks, then he is happy. But he’s not happy now because Gir made a mess in the kitchen,” Lilith giggled, drawing Gir without his disguise and a plate of waffles in his hand. “And this is me,” she said, drawing herself holding both her parents’ hands. Once finished she looked down at her drawing and her antennae drooped. She’d never been so long without them. “I want to go home now,” she said, putting down the reader and scurrying out the door before Lea could stop her. 

* * *

Since Lilith was in good hands Mik turned his full attention to the Tallest and began to explain about his universe’s Tallest a little more. “The Tallest ruled side-by-side without incident. After being sexually activated, I believe it was Tallest Red that pursued Tallest Purple. He is, after all, the only Irken that isn’t completely terrified to approach Tallest Purple.”

“Without incident, huh? Can you imagine such a thing?” Red snorted with laughter as he sat down on the exam table beside Purple. “And I’m the only Irken who dares approach him?” He nudged Purple. “Huh, huh? What did I tell you? You’ve got a deadly streak!”

“Oh, yes,” Mik agreed with Red’s assessment. “Tallest Purple once used the Massive’s death cannon to disintegrate the Planet Jackers flagship after the leader insulted his smeet.” 

“Ooh! I wish I could've been there!” Red exclaimed, then chuckled. “Well, you know what I mean.”

But Purple’s eyes were wide as he gawked at Mik. “Wait, they- er, we... _whatever,_ ruled _side-by-side_?”

“Yes, the Control Brains chose both, Elite Taller Commander Red and Elite Taller Invader Purple, to rule as Tallest after the last Tallest’s unfortunate death,” Mik explained then added, “The two balance each other out well.”

“An invader… Did you hear that, Red?!” Purple exclaimed excitedly, completely forgetting his manners. “I was an invader!”

“Invader Purple, huh? I like the sound of that,” Red said, nodding in approval.

“So I wasn't a Trophy,” Purple concluded thoughtfully. “But you were still a commanding soldier. I wonder why you and your counterpart are so alike but I’m so different…” 

Mik looked at Tallest Purple thoughtfully. “Since it sounds like you did not have the opportunity to train, I believe that is why you differ from the Tallest Purple I know. If you had, I have no doubts you would have excelled in your assigned missions.”

At Mik’s compliment, whether intended or not, Purple smiled a little. “You… you really think so? I’ve never… well, I mean, _now_ I do, because Red’s letting me take lessons to catch up, but before that I… my rank and education level is of a mere service drone...”

“And he does excel in his lessons; it’s very impressive,” Red added, looking quite proud of Purple indeed. “But because he’s smeeting, Lea-Nard has forbidden him from doing any physical training.”

“I have no doubts about your capabilities, My Tallest, but I agree that resting is the best option,” Mik said 

Purple turned to Mik. “What about Wor Hol? I mean, here I was just a Trophy. How could I be Red’s mate if I wasn't a Trophy?”

“Hmm, you don't have Wor Hol, do you?” Red asked Mik. “Or else you’d certainly know what the Maa Ri is, unless you have a different name for it?”

“I am unfamiliar with those words. Do they have anything to do with the great assigning?” Mik asked, taking out his reader to take notes.

Red shook his head. “Wor Hol is a tradition we’ve had since ancient times. Its purpose was originally to pair up Irkens for reproductive purposes. When an Irken has started their second puberty, which we call the Tartening, the Baseneing, or the Sweetening, depending which sub-gender the individual has, they spend the following year preparing for their roles in Wor Hol.”

“Unless they’re a Trophy smeet,” Purple said, looking down at his hands.

“Oh, yeah… you tell him about that,” Red said.

“After we’re hatched and activated in the smeeterie, our eye colour is evaluated to determine if they have Champion or Trophy eye colours. I have Trophy, so I… I was taken to one of Mafitia’s moons and was raised to be a Trophy. It was… very strict,” he admitted.

“And I have a Champion’s eye colour, so I stayed on Irk and had a normal life,” Red explained. “I trained in the academy, became an elite soldier and eventually commander along with training to be a Champion.” He grinned. “And when I was almost as tall as Spork, I joined Ascending Tallest ranks beside him under Miyuki, then under Spork after Miyuki’s demise. When I presented as a Baseling, my training as Champion intensified so I could compete in the Maa Fi battles.”

“Because of my height and eye colour, I was one of two top Trophies, the highest prize and was offered to the top Champion,” Purple said.

“That was _me_ naturally,” Red grinned smugly. “The surviving Champions with the most points at the end of their Maa Fi are then shown the Trophies in their league to choose from.”

“Tak and I were presented to him and he chose me,” Purple said quietly. “Then I was taken to the designated Maa Ri suite to await his arrival from the Planet Mafitia.”

“And I was fussed over, cleaned, scrubbed, and hassled until I got there, exhausted and starved half to death!” Red grumbled. “I had no idea how they expected me to proceed with the Maa Ri in that state, but turns out there was a big meal and comfy beds.” He nudged Purple. “Along with the cutest and mouthiest brat I’d ever met.” He nudged Purple a few more times.

“I’m not the _mouthiest_...” Purple protested.

“Weren't you?” Red continued his nudging, grin never faltering.

“Would you cut that out!” Purple snapped at him and elbowed his giggling partner back. “Besides, you said you liked that...”

“Of course, I do.” 

“Anyway, you're getting off track,” Purple grumbled. “Usually the Champion would mate with the Trophy and mark them right away and they would be let out the next day if the mark was successful...”

“Oh! How interesting,” Mik said, typing. “Currently there is no such tradition.” Mik thought a moment more. “Though I find it odd to judge a smeet’s future based on their eye color.” 

“It’s just how it’s always been done. Rare eye colours and Sweetlings are Trophies. Ruby and red eye colours are Champions,” Purple said.

“Oh, right. Tartlings are always Champions, even if they were a Trophy smeet. Sweetlings are always Trophies, even if they were Champion smeets,” Red added to explain. “Baselings like Pur and me have it left up to our eye colours.”

“This second gender is very interesting, I wonder if such a thing will manifest in our natural born smeets when they end their growth. As they don’t have PAKs their growth and maturity is all organic,” Mik mumbled. 

“In regards to the natural smeets having the sub-genders,” Red replied, “It’s possible. Prior to our second puberty, we can theoretically reproduce with our primary gender, so Purple and I would theoretically have been able to sire smeets upon a female, but as I understand, even that was unlikely in ancient times and we specifically avoid the chance of smeets before our second puberty.. After that, we go through seasons of fertility: tarting, basing, or sweeting. - the Vortians just call it ‘mating season’.”

“I see and there is one similarity, between your Maa Ri and my universe,” Mik added. “After being sexually activated, the side effects of embarrassment were too strong for my Tallest to mate properly and my expert on mating suggested that they spend more time together, so I had them locked in their chambers until progress was made.” Mik then quickly added, “Of course, they were provided with snacks and foods hourly. The setup was to ensure there would be no distractions.” 

“You had to lock us--er, them in?” Purple gasped.

Red laughed. “Apparently we have to be locked in everywhere to make us have sex. We chose to take our time getting to know each other as well. He was very shy.”

“Well, it… it’s embarrassing. And I’d never been _touched_ before…” Purple said.

Mik nodded. “Yes, I believe Tallest Purple had that problem as well. According to Tallest Red, it took a while before he could entice him into mating.” 

“Yeah,” Purple glanced at Red before looking away. “That and I didn't want to be hurt and...” he shrugged sadly. “You see, Trophies are warned that Champions can be… violent with us.”

“He thought he’d leave the suite on a stretcher after I beat and forced him to submission,” Red deadpanned. “Then we discovered we’re given all of these drugs behind our backs…”

Mik listened to Red and Purple about their mating experiences and frowned. “Violence in mating is counter productive; it can create unhealthy environments for smeets and mating partners. I would not suggest using drugs either,” he said, sounding concerned. 

“The drugs are to help us Champions in the battles since they can take up to days to finish,” Red explained, “but they didn't tell us about the drug. Violence towards our Trophies seems to be a side-effect they just don't care about,” he explained with an irritated frown. “In fact, that there is a potential connection between the drugs and violent marking isn't even officially recognised.”

“So, violent matings are unacceptable in your universe?” Purple asked Mik.

“Yes; while violence is inherent to an Irken, we took measures to minimize such things. However, most of the violence was directed towards others. During the breeding project’s pairing stages, if two Irkens were interested in becoming potential mates, they were given their own space to form or reject the bonding. If not, I’m afraid it would have been a bloodbath, but not toward their potential partner. Death is the most effective way of eliminating rivals.  
  
“Tallest Purple was the one who solved that and went to the Control Brains and demanded that they be given a Union Mark, which registers their PAKs as half belonging to their partner. In the Control Brains systems, that has the two entered as one. A mark is also placed on their foreheads to ensure that others know they are in a Union.”

The mention of Union Marks got their full attention. “So, does that mean I belonged to Purple by law as well? Because here, once he bears my mark, he’s well...”

“I am seen as his property,” Purple said softly.

“Yeah, it… it seems to be set up like a sort of master/slave relationship instead of equal husbands and wives like on Vort, which is just stupid,” Red said. 

“Yes, with a Union the PAKs are registered as half of their PAK belonging to the other. However, after an Irken goes into a Union, they cannot go into another one, even if their partner dies, as their PAK will still be registered as missing a half.

“Sounds like your Union Marks and our mating marks serve the same purpose. We also do not allow our Life Mates to be with others. Well, some don't mind, but most of us do,” Red said. 

“I see,” Mik said, then paused. “I have a picture if you would like to see what the marks look like.”

Red looked at Purple, then back to Mik. “Yes, show us your marks.”

Mik typed into his reader and pulled up a picture from his PAK memory of his Tallest standing side by side in the medical bay with their armor on. Tallest Purple looked annoyed and slightly murderous as he tended to look in Mik’s presence. Tallest Red was side-glancing at Tallest Purple with a small smile, as Tallest Red was apt to do whenever Tallest Purple wasn’t looking. But their marks were very clear, which was why he chose this picture.

Red chuckled. “Guess he’s not so different from my Purple after all,” he said as he and Purple both looked at the image Mik showed them.

“That is uncanny,” Purple commented in regards to the image of his counterpart. “It’s _me_ , but… I’m _Tallest!”_ He liked how he looked in the armor and hovering there with all the air of an almighty and all-powerful ruler of the Empire.

“Yep, that is SO you. So cute when you're angry,” Red teased. “Got me down perfectly too.”

Purple looked at their foreheads in the picture, at the Union Marks. “That’s different from ours…” Then he turned to Red. “Should we show him mine?”

Red met his eyes solemnly. “Well, I suppose he can't smell it or else they wouldn't need to have such visibly prominent ones, so… it’s up to you, Pur. - It’s not forbidden to show the mark,” he clarified for Mik. “It’s just not usually needed, because every Irken can smell it and know it’s mine.”

Purple nodded to Red, then reached up and pulled his uniform collar down until one could see the telltale bite-shaped scar on the right side at the base of his neck just above his shoulder muscle.

When Tallest Purple exposed his mark, Mik studied the bite, but was careful to not touch it. “It does not appear to be healing as quickly as other wounds I am used to seeing. The Union marks are done by a specialized laser the Control Brains possess. In effect, it permanently burns the mark into the skin and even when healed, the skin becomes discolored, leaving the marks.”

“We just use our venom,” Purple explained in a soft tone. “Which both prevents the mark from healing and leaves his scent on me. It will heal eventually, so it has to be refreshed every so often, but it’s much slower.” 

“A scent?” Mik said, looking up from the mark. “Is it present now? I do not detect anything, but my My Tallest also reported picking up scents from each other when they desired to mate, which, in turn, entices the other into mating.” 

To that, Red nodded. “We get that a couple times a year or so. Anyway, all of us can smell it, just as we can smell which sub-gender someone else has,” Red explained.

“Once an Irken year? Interesting,” Mik mused. “In my universe, in the early stages of smeeting, Tallest Purple was producing the scent a great deal. We discovered that this was a warning sign that the smeet was lacking in sugar. As the quickest way to gain more sugar, if the smeeting Irken is not consuming enough, is to absorb the high-sugar contents of a giving Irken’s mating fluids. Since it started to interfere with their Tallest duties, we had to adjust Tallest Purple’s nutritional intake and then his scent reportedly went back to normal.”

“Wait, so the smeet was lacking sugar and that made your Purple want sex more often?” Red gave Purple an ‘a-ha!’ look and Purple’s cheeks heated right up. “He was all over me even after he quit basing.” Purple covered his eyes with his hands from embarrassment, but didn't protest to Red’s telling the story. “And I had no idea my sperma could sustain my mate and smeet.” Then he grinned. “I am even more amazing than I thought!”

Purple lowered his hands and rolled his eyes. “There will be no living with him ever again,” he quipped, but he had a small smile that betrayed his true thoughts about just how amazing his Life Mate was.

Mik paused and went to the computer. “May I take an air sample of the mark to analyze any hormonal, chemical, or pheromonal scents?”

“An air sample? It’d be better to get it right from the source, but…” Red opened his mouth and ran his tongue along his teeth. “...I don't think my venom’s the same. It won't have the scenting chemicals right now that it does when we’re having sex… it’s just pure unsaturated venom.” He closed his mouth, made a few motions with his jaw, winced, then removed his gauntlet and held up his hand and spat into his palm.

“RED!” Purple gasped beside him, giving a start. “That’s disgusting!”

“What?” Red asked and sniffed at his hand, then frowned and held it up to Purple. “Do you smell it?”

Purple cringed away and wrinkled his lip in disgusted horror. “EW!”

“Just smell it and tell me if it’s got my scent mark in it,” Red said with a slightly annoyed grumble. “I’m curious.”

“Ugh…!” Purple whined, but lowered his head and took a quick whiff. “Just venom. Well, and blood.” He raised his head. “Why is there blood in it?”

“Duh, I bit my tongue.” Red got off the table and looked over at the cleansing panel, then turned to Mik. “Er, you want this anyway?”

“Oh! Yes, please!” Mik said eagerly and a small side panel popped out of his reader to take the sample.

Red held his hand with the glob of venom, spit, and blood out and let it drip into the reader. “Pur, you should give him a sample of yours too for comparison.”

Purple’s antennae sprung up. “What?!” he cried. “I-I-I am NOT spitting on my hand!”

Red shrugged. “Then spit on _my_ hand.”

Purple looked at him in a mixture of both pleading and revolt. “Oh, do I _have_ to?”

Red nodded, already removing his other gauntlet. “Two samples are better than one.”

“Yuck…! _Fine!_ By the Tallest, Lem would have my PAK for this…” Purple muttered.

“Just do it already,” Red said flatly.

Purple scrunched up his face and did the same motions as Red. He frowned and tried again, then looked at Red. “Red, I can’t seem to…”

“Bite your tongue,” the ruler instructed. “It’ll get your venom flowing.”

Purple sniffed petulantly, but did as he was told, wincing more than Red had done. Then he motioned with his hand for Red, who held out his clean hand to him. Purple bent forward and, tentatively, deposited it into Red’s palm, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. Then he raised his head and, as discreetly and politely as possible, wiped his mouth.

“There, was that so bad?” Red asked.

“Yes! I feel like an uncouth smeet!”

Red snickered, then raised his hand to take a whiff himself. “Ooh, cute.”

“Cute?!”

“Your scent is cute. I mean, it’s still _venom_ , but it’s also _you.”_ That earned him a huff in response. He turned back to Mik and held Purple’s sample out as well. Once Mik had it, Red activated his hoverbelt and went over to the cleansing panel to wash off his hands. Once finished, he returned and reclaimed his spot beside Purple.

Mik watched and, as his reader analyzed the samples, he asked, “If possible could I analyze a sample of this drug you mentioned before? It is quite amazing to find something that is capable of altering Irken biochemistry.”

Red considered for a moment. “You could probably get a sample from Lea-Nard. It is very common as a recreational drug on Vort and happens to be one of the few known substances our PAK’s either can't or won't filter out - I’m still trying to get to the bottom of it all.

“Anyway, in Vortians, it generally helps them to relax and… carry on like giggly idiots.” Red shook his head in mild amusement as he remembered the few times he’d watched Vortians take it while he was on Vort; then his expression darkened. “If an Irken takes it, however, it bumps up our stamina and our aggression. For example, I enjoyed my Maa Fi battles much more than I normally would have. It was like I felt every one of my opponents deserved to die a brutal death.

"A discredited theory suggested that we don't have enough time before starting our Maa Ri to come down from the rush and that combined with the pheromones our Trophies send off…” He looked at Purple in concern. “Well, it sends us into a mating rage, where we must mate no matter what,” he sighed sadly. “I would presume that’s why there are indeed incidents of Trophies being carried out on stretchers.” He took Purple's hand and squeezed it gently. “Since I believe this theory is, in fact, true, then I clearly must have metabolized it faster than others and came out of the rush before being locked in seclusion with him.”

Mik listened, then said, “I will inquire with Medic Lea-Nard about a sample of the drug. I am interested in analyzing the effects. However, if the drugs are causing unwanted effects, wouldn’t it be beneficial to delay the mating ritual until after the drug has lost its effectiveness or administer a counter agent to assist with the neutralizing of it? On the battlefield I can see the uses, but If you are expected to be Life Mates, what benefit is there in damaging your partner?”

“I don't think we have a counter-agent,” Red said thoughtfully. “But delaying the Maa Ri until the Champion’s stopped rushing is something I…” He glanced at Purple, then back to Mik. “Fully intend to install. - And absolutely none. There are absolutely no benefits to hurting the one who’s going to be your Life Mate,” he said and, as he spoke, he looked at Purple and his tone grew softer. Then he glared. “But the _morons_ in charge don't believe there is any related cause and effect between the drug and the assaults on Trophies. They blame it fully on us Champions for being aggressive during our mating season. I’m trying to prove it's the drug.”

“Oh! I may be of assistance then. I specialize in Irken biology. But,” Mik frowned, baffled by something. “My Tallest, is there a difference in rule here? Who can possibly be higher in authority than the Tallest?” He paused a moment before questioning further. “Can you not change the rules as you see fit? Or, for this, do you need Control Brain authorization?”

“Well, my word _is_ law, but this is an ancient tradition held in very high regards,” Red began explaining. “People look forward to Wor Hol all year long. I have to be very careful when messing with it. Should I change something and receive a huge protest from those I rule, they can have me charged as a Defective Tallest and, without sufficient evidence on my side when the Control Brains evaluate me, --” Purple flinched at the word and looked down, shifting in his seat. “-- that would mea-” Red tried to continue when they were interrupted.

“Uncle Mik!” Lilith called out drawing the attention of the three. She came over and tugged his uniform. “I wanna go home now. I miss Daddy and Pops.”


	5. Can't Go Home

Mik frowned down at her. For all his studying and working with smeets, he was not very good with emotionally regulating them. “Lilith, that request is quite impossible. Florpus holes are outside my area of expertise, so even in the nearly impossible event that we had one, I would not know how to navigate it to bring us back to our point of entry.” 

Lilith blinked at him, not understanding. “I wanna go home _now_.” 

“That is impossible. In this universe, your dwelling does not exist. You cannot go home,” Mik said, hoping to clarify the situation for her.

“Never?” Lilith’s eyes welled up. 

“Well, it is highly improbable, but, yes, I believe ‘never’ is a more plausible outcome,” Mik said. 

“Uncle Mik, I want to go home right now!” Lilith stomped her foot. “If you don’t take me home, I’ll scream.” 

“No, Lilith, it’s not a matter of my choosing,” Mik said, growing anxious. “The fact is that we are both stranded in this universe. You should find a way to adapt as quickly as possible for your own mental well-being.” 

Lilith glared at Mik and then took in a deep breath and tilted her antennae back to hide in her hair, causing Mik to panic more. 

The volume and high-pitched frequency was much more intense than one would have expected from such a small body. And the sound was startling and abrasive to anyone who could hear, but even more so to the Irkens’ highly sensitive antennae.

Both Red and Purple watched the situation that ensued between Mik and Lilith. At the concluding scream, neither of them were immune and covered their earholes to try and block out the debilitatingly painful sound.

Lea came running in and hurried up to Lilith. “Lilith!” she cried, trying both to be heard but not scare the angry smeet. “Lilith, Sweetie, calm down!” She tentatively touched her shoulder to see how the girl would respond. “Lilith!”

Lea’s presence was only associated with good things and the tone wasn’t mad. So Lilith stopped, turned to Lea and pointed accusingly at Mik. “He’s being mean!” 

Red exhaled in relief and rubbed over his earholes. He flicked his antennae a couple times, to pull himself back together after the ordeal. 

Seeing that a shoulder touch had calmed her down, Mik tried the same. “Lilith I—“ Her head snapped ‘round, intending to bite Mik. Thankfully, the medic was familiar with such motions and instinct had him pulling his hand away just in time. Had she got him, her sharp little smeet teeth would have latched on and her jaw would have locked. The only way he would have been able to escape was if she was knocked unconscious or calmed enough to relax her muscles. 

The result was that her teeth snapped together with a loud _‘clack!’,_ then she hissed at him. Her antennae upright, rigid and pointing in an aggressive manner. Despite being so small, smeets were fully capable of damaging an adult Irken. Something Mik had learned with the smeet uprising on Irk before the rotating time allotments with parental units were put in place.

Red snickered at her attempt to bite Mik.

“Careful!” Mik warned everyone. “I have never been able to reason with a smeet when they are in such an unstable condition. Do _not_ let her bite you.”

“Ooh! Feisty girl, I like that,” Lea said, her tone warm and approving. “So, the medical drone was being mean to you, huh? Bad Mik.”

Purple hopped from his spot on the table and joined the two females, but didn't attempt to touch Lilith.

Hearing Lea’s voice helped calm Lilith a little more. She was still **mad,** but her new friend, Lea, hadn't gotten mad at her for trying to bite (Lea had even scolded Mik!), so her antennae eased back some.

“Tsk-tsk-tsk,” Red clicked his tongue and slipped from the table, then glared at Mik. “Sounds like you should have spent some time on Vort interacting with their children. If you call that calming a child down, you're - oh, what’s that word Pur likes to call me…?” He looked at his mate. “You know, when you're appraising my reports and have to rewrite them?”

“You mean ‘a calamity’?” Purple suggested, his tone snarky.

“That’s the one,” Red purred, then turned back to Mik. “You're a calamity.” Taking another step to bring him closer to Lilith, but not within reach of her teeth (not that she could hurt him with his armored skirt), he looked down at her. “Lilith, I have a couple questions for you, but first, do you know who I am?”

As the other big Irken came over, (he was loud and a bit scary), she glanced at him, looking him up and down. He had a metal body and didn’t seem snuggly at all like her other friends. He was a stranger. Daddy said not to talk to strangers. 

After her once-over, Lilith turned back to her second friend, promptly ignoring the stranger. ”Lea! Uncle Mik won’t take me home. He’s being mean!” She stomped her foot yet again and pointed to her Uncle, puffing her cheeks at him to show how mad she was.

“Well, darn him!” Lea exclaimed. “Mik, really! Don't be mean to the little dear.” She gave Lilith’s shoulder a gentle squeeze and leaned in close so she could whisper. “Don't worry about the guy in a pink dress either.” Then she added in an even quieter tone, “His name is Red and he thinks he rules the universe, but you can ignore him.” Then she spoke in a normal tone. “What’s wrong, Sweetie? You ran out so fast that I couldn't ask.”

Red watched the two interact. It wasn't the first time he’d ever been ignored by a child, but he understood what was going on, (not that he’d ever admit it to Lea-Nard), so he turned to Mik with a smug smile and gestured to the girls. “See? _That’s_ how you deal with smeets.”

At Tallest Red’s comment, Mik took out his reader and began taking notes.

More of Lilith’s anger faded and she giggled at Lea while nodding, but then her antennae drooped and her lower lip trembled. “I miss Pops and D-Daddy.” Big tears welled up in her eyes. “I w-wanna g-go home!” The tears spilled over and Lilith stood there and began bawling, not screaming like before, but she wasn’t quiet about being sad either. 

“Oh, Sweetie.” Lea wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her into her lap. “I bet you do.” She hugged her and ran her fingers gently through her black hair. “It must be so hard to be on such a big adventure in a strange place without your parents. You've been so brave.” She rubbed Lilith’s back. “But your friends are here. Your best friend and your second friend and we’ll help you get home as soon as we can.”

Lilith latched onto Lea’s shirt and let herself be soothed. As she nuzzled into Lea, her crying calmed down. “Promise?” she asked, tilting her head up to look at Lea with big yellow eyes.

Lea looked over Lilith’s shoulder at the adults for one pointed moment, then hugged Lilith tighter. “I promise. It may take a while, but we will do everything we can. Think you can handle staying here with us for a few days? You’ll have unlimited access to my secret stash, and I think I can get you your own PAD to write and draw on.”

“Okay,” Lilith said in a small voice, then turned to reach out with grabby hands towards Purple, wanting to be held by him. “I wanna stay with Purple, he’s my best friend.”

Purple glanced to Red, then Lea, then reached out to Lilith and picked her up. “Are you sure you want to stay with me? Lea’s better.” 

Lilith snuggled up to Purple and, careful of his armored shoulderplates, tucked her head under his chin. “I’m sure,” she affirmed. 

Purple looked to Lea. _“I don't know how to take care of a smeet,”_ he whispered loudly.

“Oh, you’ll be fine. It’s good practice,” Lea answered. “She’ll teach you.”

Lilith leaned back and grinned at Purple. “I’m good at teaching! I know all my letters. When you have your smeet, I can show them too and we can be friends.”

“There, you see?” Lea said. “She’s a clever girl and is really good at teaching. She helped me with all of the Irken letters.”

Purple sighed a little and then met Lilith’s eyes. “If you're sure, but… Red’s coming too.”

“Tell her who Red is to you,” Lea instructed.

“Oh, well…” Purple bit his lip. “He’s my… he’s my…” He looked to Lea again.

Lea stepped forward and spoke to Lilith. “You've really got your work cut out for you teaching him everything. He’s trying to say that the big guy in a dress is to him what your Pops is to your Daddy.”

“Ooooh!” Lilith said, then gave Red another once-over and let out a resigned sigh. “Okay, he can come too.” 

Lea ruffled her hair a bit and winked. “And tomorrow, you can tell me more stories and draw me more pictures between teaching those two.” 

“Oh, um, would it be possible if I were to reside here in the medbay?” Mik asked. “There are several topics I would like to discuss with you,” he nodded to Lea.

“You are not sleeping in my medbay, Irken.” Lea turned to Red. “He is NOT.”

Red groaned. “Remind me why I keep you here, Vortian.”

“Because you love me, Irken.”

“One day,” Red hissed. “One day.”

“He gets his own room,” Lea stated.

“Done.”

“And medical drone access.”

“Fine. Computer, do it.”

” _Yes, my Tallest. Medical Drone Mik: Status active._ ”

“Happy?”

“Couldn't be happier. Now take the girl to your quarters, she's had a very long day and is exhausted,” Lea said, then she patted Lilith’s back. “You’ve got this. Sleep tight, little one; and, if you need me, just tell the computer to call me and it will.”

Lilith nodded and waved ‘bye-bye’ to Lea and Mik as the door to the medbay closed. 

Once the three had left, Lea turned to Mik. “Now since I’m positive you intend to pester me the entire night - do you cyborgs ever sleep? - let's get started: How did her parent create a _florpus hole?”_

“Oh, well...” Mik began and launched into the story about how Lilith’s parents, in their younger days, made a florpus hole with Dib’s father’s technology and how, recently, they had to move the contained hole into a more permanent chamber - which was, apparently, how Lilith found it.

Lea listened to the story carefully, tapping her lip in thought. “Hmm, sounds like we need her parents to open it up. Or we have to try and open one up ourselves.” She frowned. “Either way, it’s going to be tough to keep my promise to her.” 

"Yes,” Mik agreed. “If the two can reopen the hole to allow for communication or travel, we might be able to go back… that is, if they were not also caught in the florpus hole," he said with a sigh. "There is a possibility that the hole could have grown and completely taken over their planet and possibly the universe, transporting the inhabitants to any number of possible destinations and outcomes.” 

Lea led Mik into her office, this seemed like it was going to be a long conversation and she wanted to be comfortable. She grabbed herself a Vortian coffee from her little snack dispensor. “Help yourself and have a seat, if you like,” she said, gesturing to the dispensor, then settled down in her chair.

“Oh, thank you," Mik said, not one to turn down the offering of a snack as he joined her and took a seat. He ate for a moment before speaking. "My scientific opinion is that there is little to no chance of us returning. Of course, nothing can be predictable when Zim is involved." He sighed again.

Lea sighed as well and nodded. “I feared as much,” she said in regards to the likelihood the two newcomers would be staying for the rest of their lives. “I’m not going to tell her we aren't looking, though. I’ll tell her we’re trying to find her parents,” she replied, then she blinked. “‘Zim’? Why does that name sound so familiar...” she wondered aloud, then shrugged. “I’ve heard it somewhere, but I just don't know. Nevermind.” 

"She seems attached to Tallest Purple. I am concerned about her future, but her best option is to stay with him,” Mik said, sharing his opinion on the best course for now.

“Lilith will be fine with them. Purple’s already shown to have maternal instincts - well, whatever the Irken equivalent is - and the new ruler’s actually not half bad, but if you tell him I said that, I’ll have you dropped off on the nearest asteroid and left there,” Lea warned him. 

"Oh, um, yes. I won't say anything," Mik promised. “And, truthfully, I cannot see myself researching a florpus hole when there are other more pressing matters before me,” he said. “Tallest Purple's smeeting seems to be very similar, yet different, and I would like to place my knowledge and abilities at your disposal. My main duty is to assist in medical research in all matters of smeets and matings. I would also like to research this drug that Tallest Red mentioned.  
  


“He appears convinced that it correlates to violent matings between chosen pairs and..." Mik frowned. "It bothers me that such purposeless acts exist in this Irken culture. There is no point in causing violence to a mate. To a rival or enemy, I can rationalize, but to one's mate..? It makes no logical sense. It would interfere with any smeet creation as the body would not be able to sustain it while healing, and it would do nothing to strengthen the bond between mates. So I would like to assist Tallest Red in eliminating such risk."

As she listened to Mik talk about Irken mating, Lea began nodding. “Drug? What drug?” Then she held her finger up. “No, wait, I think I know what you're talking about.” She pronounced its Vortion name as she picked up a PAD and began searching, then she handed it over to him. “We’ve had a few incidents with Irkens on Vort, but I’ve never heard anything about it resulting in violent matings.”

Mik looked over the information on the PAD as he explained what Tallest Red had told him about his suspicions and his need for evidence on the matter.

“Irkens are such a catastrophe,” Lea shook her head when Mik had finished his retelling. “I already think their whole ‘Wor Hol’ is ridiculous to begin with and it wouldn't surprise me if these so-called _Champions_ just assault their mates because they know they can get away with it. - Well, you’ll have my full cooperation and help in that area. I should have a sample of that drug around here somewhere. I’ll get it for you in a bit. I don't use it myself, but it has medicinal properties for Vortians.”

"Perhaps if this drug is proven to be harmful, it will also be a chance to re-educate Irkens on proper mating practices,” Mik said, hopefully. “Oh! My team carefully put together an instructional video on mating that we use on Irk to explain the process to newly sexually activated Irkens. Would you like to see it?" he asked, already opening the file on his reader. Dib had laughed at it and Zim had been horrified, but Mik still felt it was friendly and informative. He always wanted another outsider's opinion on their animated creation.

Lea blinked at Mik, then busted up laughing. “Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined that one day I’d be sitting here aboard nothing less than the flagship of the Irken Empire drinking coffee and watching pornography with an Irken medic!” She wiped her eyes, then laughed some more. 

Mik smiled at Lea’s reaction. "Yes, the universe is full of improbabilities. I certainly never thought I would be in such a situation myself.” 

“Indeed it is and saying that it’s for ‘research purposes’ doesn't make it sound better at all.” She giggled a couple more times and wiped her eyes again. “Maybe it won't be so terrible having you hanging around my medbay after all. Anyway, yes, go ahead and put it on. - Computer, display it on the main screen.”

“I will be grateful for any input you have. My team and I find this informative and friendly, but, well, the reactions vary and I do not understand why," Mik said, before starting up the vid on the screen and the chipper and friendly voiceover started.

Lea sat back with her head supported by her hand as she watched the video, a pleasant smile on her face the entire time. When it ended, her only show of reaction at first was that her smile had grown. After a few moments, she lowered her head and giggled softly into her other hand.

“Oh, dear Mik, I can't decide whether that was highly informative or just plain silly, - Oh, it is both, of course; but I can't decide of which it is more.” She turned to him by swiveling her chair, her blue eyes twinkling. “And there appears to be quite a notable anatomical difference between the Irkens of our universes. But, anyway, after watching, I’m very curious as to what reactions you've encountered when showing Irkens this video. I mean, I can _imagine_ some possibilities already myself, but what happened in practice?”

“Well,” Mik began. “Some reported to find it amusing. Others, well... I initially showed it to the Tallest while I was activating their PAKs and afterwards they were overcome with embarrassment and hid in their respective rooms. Since then, we adjusted the viewing for newly sexually activated Irkens to watch in private. It seems to lessen the embarrassment, but there is a long adjustment period before they agree to be around other Irkens.” He sighed. “A few fainted,” he admitted.

Lea chuckled. “Yep, those are the reactions I was thinking of. Irkens in your universe don't already know about sex? And they need to be ‘activated’? Here, they don't. Their bodies ‘activate’ naturally at a certain age like we Vortians do, just… stranger, since they go through two puberties, a primary and a secondary; and informational videos and articles and things can be accessed from the Irken database via any PAD. You just have to watch out for all the _recreational_ ones too, which are almost as abundant here as on Vort. In short, most smeets know all about it before their tenth year.”

“Oh! Well thank you for the input and if I could study the vids from here that would helpful,” Mik said.

“Sure thing,” Lea said, standing up and walking to a wall of storage panels, opening one, looking inside, then closing it and opening another. “Do you want the educational or recreational? - A-ha!” she exclaimed after the fourth panel and retrieved something, then returned to Mik and held it up. In her fingers was a small vial containing a thick, red fluid.

“So, this is that drug.” She didn't hand it to him. “Before I give this to you, I have some conditions: One, if you choose to do a self experiment, you warn me first - this is for both our safeties. As said, there have been some most unpleasant incidents on Vort with Irkens trying it out. It relaxes _us,_ but agitates _them_ and if you cross the wrong Irken around here who doesn't think having heavy things hurled at his head is funny, you’ll be _wishing_ we’d dropped you off on the nearest asteroid and left you there after all. Red, for example, would probably take it as an excuse to break every bone in your body. - Second, if you do try it, do not take any more than a single drop, for it is _very_ potent. Understood?”

Mik listened intently and nodded. “It is my principle to remain clear-headed at all times. I cannot be an objective observer otherwise. However, I have used my own blood samples. But for this, I would prefer to observe or study past data,” he assured her.

“Well, then have fun.” She handed it to him. “So, which Irken videos did you want now?”

“Yes, thank you. I always find new research enjoyable,” Mik said. “Oh, and I would like to start with the informational and then... recreational?” He inquired thoughtfully. “Matings about bond forming correct?”

“Computer, display a list of educational videos about Irken sexual practices,” she commanded and a list popped up on the main display with short descriptions about the contents. “Pick whichever you like. Afterwards, we’ll delve into the world of recreational sex videos and you can discover for yourself exactly what that entails.” She added the last with a wink as she picked up her coffee cup and refilled it, then ordered some Vortian food from the dispenser.

“Thank you.” Mik nodded, picking out several vids to watch; as they started, he began taking notes on his reader. His expression was interested, but serious as he carefully studied the new information.

Lea settled back in her chair, her plate of food on her lap, and she ate as they watched the first one. It explained in simple terms what awaited Irkens in regards to their secondary puberty by following three young Irkens of varying ages who were presented as friends and littermates as their aforementioned second puberties began. 

First, the youngest presented as a Sweetling, then the Baseling, and lastly, the oldest, became a Tartling. The first week for each appeared to be close to agony that even Lea winced. Being held by a close, trusted friend seemed to ease it considerably. In this case, the Tartling and Sweetling, paired up and spent most of the time snuggled up in bed together, just holding each other. A dutiful, but friendly, female Irken voice explained what was happening to them physically, including diagrams as to how they were physically changing.

Mik was utterly fascinated by the information. This was entirely different from how he understood Irken biology. “The oldest natural born smeet on Irk is Tallest Smeet Maroon, he is currently .6 Irk years old. I wonder if there will be any developments similar to this. We aren’t even sure if the smeets will still need to be sexually activated or if, being natural born, it will occur on its own. We do know that they grow at a more rapid rate than PAK’ed smeets but our hypothesis is that the rapid growth will lessen after they fully mature. Currently, Lilith is .3 Irken years or 3 Earth years. A PAK’ed smeet would still be the same size. However PAK’ed Irkens are installed with all knowledge they would need, while natural born smeets need to learn basic functions,” Mik said, as he watched, mostly speaking out loud to himself.

Lea listened to the medic’s information sorting and didn't interrupt as they watched the video. Said video went on to show how the symptoms lessened in the three Irkens as time passed, until finally it concluded the puberty and introduced the first mating season. During this, the Sweetling became notably docile and demure, especially towards the Tartling, while the Tartling became protective towards the Sweetling as well as unusually generous with snacks and trying to make the Sweetling feel comfortable. However, towards other Irkens who entered the room where the Sweetling was, the Tartling grew aggressive and kept themselves between the Sweetling and the unwanted intruder.

A short time later, the Tartling was ordered to report to authorities to begin their Champion training; then the Sweetling received a call as well and was visited by a small group of uniquely uniformed Irkens, who escorted them away, but no explanation as to why or where they were going was given.

The Baseling, who had no partner, spent lots of time exploring their body, including self-pleasure. Of the three, only the Baseling dared to leave the safety of their quarters and be among other Irkens, but it was clearly not easy as they were hyper alert of their peers and too easily distracted to participate in their training efficiently.

Then the video explained that once the second puberty begins, the smeet is excused from all training and responsibilities and advised to stay in their quarters until the conclusion of their first mating cycle. It reassured that all following mating cycles will be much easier and that there are classes they can attend to learn how to deal with and control their urges (particularly so a Tartling doesn't actually attack anyone who looks at their desired partner).

When the video ended, a list of other videos popped up along with a note that for Trophy smeets, they would be instructed about their second puberty and subgender by their Guardians. No videos of that sort were available for viewing.

Mik took notes and put in questions that he wanted to ask the Tallest the next time he saw them. "Tallest Purple mentioned being a Trophy and not being able to train like the other Irkens. Do you know what purpose this serves? Taking away Irkens such as Tallest Purple and not letting them train is a clear disservice to the Empire," Mik said, unable to see the scientific purpose of such a thing.

Lea shrugged. “Most of the time, I’m not sure you cyborgs even know what purpose anything you do serves.” She set her plate aside. “Don't forget to help yourself, if you're hungry,” she said, indicating the food dispenser.  
  


"Oh, yes, thank you," Mik said taking a snack and carefully munching to not get crumbs anywhere. As a medical drone he was very clean and careful when it came to foods.

  
She looked back up at the screen while thoughtfully tapping her chin with a finger. “Purple has told me a little bit about it. Trophy smeets, as they call the ones taken within hours of hatching because of their eye colours, are considered the highest prize for a Champion. They spend their life training specifically to selflessly and submissively serve their Champion’s every wish or whim, which makes them a perfect personal slave. That’s why Purple’s always looking to Red to make decisions for him. Unlike that Sweetling in the video, Red was Purple’s first sexual partner. Don't ask me why that matters, but apparently it’s of high importance for them.” She gave a snort of disapproval. “You’d never see that kind of thing on Vort.”

"I have to admit that this baffles me as well. I see no scientific or logical reason why they would create such a disservice to the Empire by taking away such talent." Mik glanced at Lea and sighed. "Even when I was instructed to tell Lilith's parental units that they had to create a hybrid, I could see the logic in finding a way to add variance to the Irken gene pool. While other species have gone through several evolutions we have been making Irkens with the same DNA for several millennia. Lilith is truly unique and..." Mik trailed off as his antennae titled back in an anxious or sad position. "I find that over the several years of contact with her and her parental units, I have grown more attached to her than I should. She was a project ordered by the Control Brains, not even my My Tallest know of her existence, so I should remain objective, but..." he nibbled a little more on the snacks, collecting his thoughts. Previously, he had never spoken them aloud or allowed himself to think on them, but he was no longer in his own universe and such restrictions were no longer on him.

"She is a combination of the best aspects of Irken DNA combined with the DNA of a very intelligent and strong-willed individual of a very resilient species. The Control Brains wanted a super soldier and when she reaches maturity... she might become one. Or well... those cloned from her DNA would be. The other natural born Irken smeets need only give a sample of DNA to the smeeteries upon their maturity to help replenish the smeeteries. But Lilith is not recognized as a member of the Irken race and... The Control Brains have mentioned to me in passing the possibilities that an experimental breeding drone might bring to the Empire. If that fate does not await her here and I can send a message to her parental units... they might elect to have her remain here," Mik concluded and looked over at Lea. "Such thoughts are traitorous to the Control Brains and the Empire... but this isn't the same Empire. So, I can think this way here, correct?"

As Mik spilled out his heart (or ‘spooch), Lea leaned forward in her chair to show she was listening, and remained quiet the whole time. The more Mik confided his apparently secret feelings and concerns, the more her opinion of him raised. She was always surprised when confronted with an Irken who cared about or expressed concern for someone else’s well-being over their own, their Tallest’s, or the Empire’s bloodthirsty goals. 

“Don't see why you can't, and it sounds like you _should_. At any rate, you're actually welcome to talk with me about anything whenever you need to,” she said softly. To the actual matter of his concerns, she frowned. “‘A breeding drone’...?” she repeated with a suspicious tone. “Is that what I think it is?”

Mik nodded solemnly. "It wasn't easy to create her. It only worked because both her parents have brilliant and scientific minds and were able to manipulate their DNA into creating a viable smeet and, even then, their attempts at complete cloning failed. Lilith was created because her Irken parent allowed the smeet to be planted in his spoochsack. If her DNA continues to remain stable. The Control Brains are interested in seeing what other possible genetics they might be able to combine with hers to create more natural born hybrids." Mik looked away. "I admit that a part of me is interested in the concept, but..." he looked towards the door where Lilith had left from with a slightly pained look.

Lea made a face. “Maybe our universes aren't so different after all where Irkens are concerned. Trophies and breeding drones.” She shook her head. “Then we should try and see if we can get a message to her parents somehow.” She slammed her fist down on the arm of her chair in a show of determination. “Why I’d eat my own horns before I’d hand her over to be a breeding drone!”

Mik blinked. "Is it possible to eat your own horns?" he asked, missing the point. "But, yes, I believe that would be the best course of action if... if we can find a way to assist Tallest Red in his goals concerning this Wor Hol ritual. However, I am not sure if allowing Lilith to stay and having to follow the rules here and become a Trophy would be much better of a fate," Mik said.

She met his eyes. “If it’d spare Lilith from that fate, you can be sure I’d find a way. And I agree with her not being a Trophy either. We’ll have to discuss this with Tallest Red.” 

"Luckily, she seems to be safe here for now." Mik looked towards the door a bit amazed. "She must have some innate property or undiscovered hormone that makes those around her assist in her wel-being to have even the Tallest themselves care for her."

At Mik’s thought and ultimate conclusion, Lea couldn't help herself and a giggle escaped her. “You really don't know what’s going on?” she asked, smiling in amusement at him. 

Mik’s eyes widened. "You know what causes this phenomenon?"

“In many species, the parental instincts are very strong,” Lea began. “Some species are even known to take in and care for offspring that aren't from them. Red and Purple are expecting their own smeet and it would appear this parental instinct is something Irkens, despite your cybernetic, ah, ‘features’, experience as well. She isn't theirs, but she is alone without her own parents and would not likely last long by herself while they have the means to care for her, so this instinct pushes them to do exactly that.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully, then added, “It's highly likely they aren't even aware of why they want to help her, they just do.”

"I see, yes that makes sense. I have seen other Irkens on Irk stay at the natural born smeet facilities and transfer to work with the smeets even if they have no smeets of their own, or were unable to," Mik nodded. "This instinct makes sense and must be strong if even I feel a need to protect her, and I am not a sexually activated Irken."

Lea smiled as she listened to Mik’s theories and observations. “Well, there you go. And how does it feel to experience something like that? Something that wasn't programmed into you, but is _there_ and undeniable?”

"It is a peculiar feeling," Mik admitted. "But it must be of great importance or be a strong emotion for my emotional regulator to not filter it out. And indeed I do feel strongly that Lilith should be kept safe. 

"They never mentioned anything to me, as I am required to report all conversations with her parental units to the Control Brains, but I did mention to them the Control Brains intentions. At the time, I did not express my concerns, just that it was a possible outcome. I believe since then they have been making preparations to flee should the need arise. However, living constantly on the run from Irken capture is not a good option either. 

"They didn't say they were planning to flee and I made no comment on it, but if they had, they would be unable to contact me further as I would be required to inform the Control Brains. I believe..." Mik looked down at his hands. "I would feel a sense of unfulfillment not knowing their fate or hers. I feel that now not knowing their fate, and I imagine their distress is great not knowing hers. However, I want to make sure there _is_ a viable option for Lilith's future before trying to contact them, in case there is only one chance to do so. Florpus holes are very unstable after all."

“It sounds like the parental instinct is strong with her Irken parent as well,” Lea commented. “And I agree, a life on the run from the Irken Empire is not a good life for a child. If your Empire is anything like this one, it’s probably even a futile endeavour.” She thought for a moment. “Yes, we’ll have to speak with Red over her possible future here before trying to contact her parents.”

Mik nodded and grabbed another snack after a quick non-verbal check in with Lea, who gave a small nod to show her agreement as he ate, then got herself another coffee. As an Irken, he knew how rare it was to share snacks so he wanted to make sure the offer hadn’t expired, which would have been within her rights. He sat back down with his snack after it seemed to be okay and thoughtfully nibbled. Working through emotions was burning up his sugar. He needed a distraction to get him out of unhelpful thoughts on matters he could not address at the moment. “What about those recreational vids? Do they show an _actual_ mating?” He asked hopefully.

“Yes, actually,” she answered with an amused chuckle. “They tend to be rather… _embellished,_ if they're anything like what we have on Vort, however, and a lot of focus is put on showing exactly what the participants are doing. So, be warned, this isn't necessarily how everyone’s doing it and the Irkens involved are not usually Life Mate pairs.” She picked up her PAD and began searching, scrolling through the list of options to find one that, hopefully, wasn't too ridiculous and portrayed two males. “Computer, on screen,” she commanded and settled back in her chair after discarding the PAD to her desk.

On screen, there was a typical set up of a pair, two Irkens of medium height and one clad in a cheap looking version of an elite soldier’s uniform and a pole stunner leaning against the table (clearly to show this individual was well-off, so you don't forget); the other dressed as a food service drone wearing an apron and chef hat (just in case you weren't sure) in quarters sipping Irken sodas and eating from a generous pile snacks, with a bed that was fit for the Tallest prominently displayed in the background.

With only a little verbal back and forth about the Elite soldier’s hard day guarding _the Tallest herself_ (a reference to Miyuki, Lea guessed), off came the service drone’s chef hat along with the elite soldier's pants to display an already hard and glistening purple penis with ridges --

“A Tartling,” Lea pointed out

\-- and, without any niceties or buildup, the service drone went down on the Tartling as though he’d been half-starved and was just offered an oversized purple lollypop. With ridges.

Mik watched the video intently and nodded when Lea pointed out the genitalia differences. However, when the other Irken put their mouth around it he frowned. “They do realize that swallowing the genetic fluid will not yield in a smeet, right? What purpose does this serve?”

Aside from a patient smirk, Lea gave no indication that she found the question silly. Instead, she shrugged and replied, “I’m pretty sure making smeets isn't their motivation. It’s purely for fun.”

After only a short time of pleasuring the Tartling with his tongue and mouth (and a detailed closeup of his penis and a dribble of something that was either saliva or precum, but was likely fake for the sake of giving the viewer something to look at on the service drone’s lips), the Tartling had the drone get up and shed his clothes as they made their way to the bed - above which, as the camera panned, was an image of Miyuki herself. The drone bent over the bed and the camera zoomed in on the Sweetling’s bottom, showing off the bright purple and slightly swollen skin around his genital slit and the hole at one end, as the Tartling gave a rub and a squeeze.

“That one --” Lea began as the Tartling rubbed his finger over it, spreading the drone’s abundant natural lubricating fluid around “-- is where he’ll receive the Tartling’s… mating organ,” she said, using the word from Mik’s video for his benefit.

Sure enough, the Tartling brought his penis into action and rubbed the head against it, smearing the lubricant more, then with no warning to either the viewer or drone, slipped his head inside, then out once, and in again, half way. With one more complete withdrawal, he thrust all the way in and a ’ _slap!’_ could be heard. He proceeded with long, fast strokes, and ’ _slap, slap, slap!_ ’ was prominently heard.

“Oh, so it’s much like our activated Irkens that did not find bonding partners. It has been reported that the act of joining is something they wish to participate in, even if they do not wish to form permanent bonds. And...It’s as messy as I’ve assumed,” Mik commented. “But the receiving--Hmm, the female slit,” Mik said, remembering it being called that. “They look the same as what is found on my Irk.” He watched the insertion. “The repeated motion is spreading the lubrication fluids? That seems unnecessary.”

“I believe the slit also hides his male organ, not unlike that female-recessive in your video,” Lea said, then glanced at him for his next question. “Hmm, you really have no idea how mating actually works, do you?” He was the first medic she’d ever met who didn't, but he had said he hadn't been activated after all. “The purpose of this --” she began as she pointed to the screen where the two were going away at it, with all the according vocalisations. “-- is to stimulate his organ so it will release. Just entering and staying won't suffice and it can even lose the erection and retreat back inside.”

“Hmm,” Mik studied the screen. “I believe the male organs are slightly different. It has been reported to me that the male organ will move on its own for stimulation and prefers to stay in as deep as possible as it stimulates itself. Of course, small amounts of friction ease the process, but for the most part it is highly flexible and will curl and gyrate for stimulation. However, I can see the benefit of such motions,” he said, pointing to the screen and taking a sip of the soda he had taken. 

“That’s interesting,” Lea said sincerely as Mik explained their parts to her. “I’ve never had the… dubious pleasure of mating with an Irken, but as I understand, Tartlings lose much of their flexibility when hard because of the ridges and because the base will expand before ejaculation to lock his… genetic material inside. I’m not sure that will happen here though, since the description said nothing about them locking. Baselings and Sweetlings, however, retain their flexibility and can entwine their male organs, or so I’ve heard.”

“OH!” Mik said as a thought occurred to him. “These are the visual stimulation videos that Dib mentioned. The purpose of these is to watch with a potential mate to help ease the embarrassment emotion by enticing both to mate through watching another pair mate. If I return, I wonder if I can get volunteers to create such vids that I can distribute to potential bonding pairs that are struggling to overcome embarrassment in order to mate.”

As they watched, the Tartling withdrew in favour of using his hand until he came on the other’s opening and bottom. Three separate squirts, Lea took note, each with as much fluid as the first (about a spoonful) and the camera made sure to get a good shot of it before zooming back out to show the drone panting in pleasure, antennae drooping forward with the tips brushing against the bed. As the Tartling rested upon him, arms wrapped around his waist, the vid ended.

“Visual stimulation, yes,” Lea said afterwards. “As I understand it, that is _exactly_ what these are for. On Vort, they would either be watched with a sexual partner like you’ve surmised or, often, alone. I’d imagine it’s the same with Irkens.”

"Alone..." Mik mused. "I have heard reports of Irkens feeling the need to mate when there is no one around, but usually I think they would seek a partner out. I don't see the point of participating in mating rituals without trying to gain a smeet, or strengthening a bond. Unless..." Mik thought about the expression of the Irkens in the vid he just watched. "It seems the acts bring about a physical satisfaction or fulfillment."

Lea listened and nodded. “That’s what they tell me. On Vort, we also have items specifically made to aid self-pleasure. They’re also popular with couples.” Then she looked up at the ceiling with it’s tubes and wires and cables for a moment, before turning back to him with a shrug. “I’d rather spend my time doing other things.”

"Oh, yes PAK extensions," Mik nodded. "I had those made for use as well to assist in duel-gendered couples. While I cannot deny an interest in the subject, scientifically speaking, there are some emotional aspects around the subject that I find hard to grasp. The embarrassment emotion seems to be more of hassle than a useful mechanic."

“Embarrassment can definitely be a hindrance,” Lea agreed. “Tell me, in your breeding project, did the mated couples express a change in their embarrassment levels over time?”

"Oh yes, the more time a potential bonding couple spends together the easier it becomes for them to mate. Over the years we have also seen that with newly activated Irkens, it takes time for their PAKs to adjust. The embarrassment feelings can impact them on a greater level, to the point that they struggle even with conversing or reporting to their assigned medical done. The Tallest for instance," Mik said and went into a brief explanation of how the Tallest eventually came to be Union partners.

“Hmm, that’s probably inter-universal then,” Lea chuckled. “This Purple is also notably shy about telling me things. For one, he doesn't like to admit when he’s gone against my ‘no mating’ orders. This Red, however, seems to have no such reservations about it.” She turned her seat to face Mik and leaned forward a little. “My theory for the embarrassment problem in your universe is that most Irkens here have known about sex most of their lives whereas yours are first learning about it when they're expected to _do_ it. That doesn't give them much time to get comfortable with the idea.”

"There does seem to be an adjustment period," Mik nodded. "We suspect that the natural born smeets will be able to reproduce as well, so maybe it would be good to introduce the idea before they reach maturity, or near it instead of after?"

Lea thought about it. “Here, I’ve been told that most smeets get the information downloaded into their PAK’s at an early age, as well as the videos. My people begin telling our children in little steps. It starts with telling them their mommies and daddies fell in love and got married and had babies. Later, we begin telling them about the changes their bodies will go through and why. Then the hows of the whole thing come into it...

“I don't really know how it will be with PAKless Irkens, but offspring tend to give you cues by asking questions. You don't have to tell them everything at once, just answer what they ask,” she explained. 

"Yes, that makes sense, answering as the questions come. The same works in science. you need to know the questions before you are given an answer," Mik said. “You mentioned there is a 'no mating' rule? Why, doesn't the surplus of sugar from the giving partner help nourish the smeet?" Mik asked.

Lea shook her head. “If it does, I’ve never heard of it. The problem with Purple was that the mating fluids he received also contained a hormone that induced labour. Since he is already at high risk of losing the smeet, I forbade him to mate. He’s supposed to take it easy until I can be sure his body has fully accepted the smeet.” She paused for a moment, then added, “But now I am curious. The mating fluids from givers in your universe _nourish_ the smeet somehow? Perhaps we should see if we can get a sample here to analyse and compare the results. Perhaps I’m wrong and mating _wouldn't_ be bad.” A wicked grin spread over her face. “I’ll love to see the look on our royal pain’s face when I ask him for a sample.”

"I had to ask the same of my My Tallest Red,” Mik said. “I still have schematics of the device I used to collect the sample if you would like to recreate it. If the hormone is still there, perhaps there is a way to negate it if the rest of the fluids are beneficial. As an Irken diet consists mostly of sugar and Tallest bodies burn through it quickly, the giving fluid is made of mostly concentrated sugar, which is what a smeets needs a lot of to grow. I can also share with you my observation logs of my My Tallest's smeeting for comparison."

“Oh, yes, I would appreciate that,” Lea said. “I think it would be most beneficial. Tell me, how did your Red react to your request?”

“Oh, he was very resistant at first. There was a great evidence of embarrassment on his face, but after explaining the necessity, he agreed and was able to provide me with a sample the next day,” Mik said as he linked his data about the Tallest smeeting to her pad.

“Hmm, hopefully he’ll agree as well. I’m confident, though, that if it could benefit Purple, he will,” Lea decided. She watched her PAD while she waited for the information to finish downloading. “If there is some way to neutralise the hormone, that would be good. I’m still sceptical that his mating fluid will provide any nourishment to either Purple or the smeet, but we’ll see.” 

“Yes, it seems that this Tallest Red is also very loyal to Tallest Purple. And I do know that mating can strengthen their bond, and is important in the early stages of forming bonds,” Mik said.

That sounded reasonable to Lea about sex strengthening the bond between couples and she nodded. “I can't believe I’m saying this, comparing Irkens to us and finding similarities, but Vortian couples have told me the same thing.” She tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair for a moment, then decided something and looked at Mik. “As you may have guessed by now, I don't consider myself an authority on Irken biology. In fact, I’ve never spent this much time with them in my life. I don't even _like_ you egotistical, bloodthirsty cyborgs, but apparently Red and I have a common friend who told me there was an innocent, unborn Irken child in need of my help.” She held her hands up in a shrug. “I couldn't refuse that and here I am. I figured there would be plenty of information in the Irken database, but where smeeting is concerned, there’s… nothing, really, to speak of.” She frowned. “Why would a species enable their males to bear offspring, but not provide them with a safe means of doing so naturally? Sounds like an evolutionary mistake to me. No wonder they opted for growing their smeets in a lab.”

“Well, many Irkens don’t like other Irkens. Your devotion to your medical field is admirable and that you would willingly assist. And well...” Mik wasn’t so bold as to admit that anything Irken could be a ‘mistake’, but he nodded. “Lab grown smeets does seem like a more logical choice.”

Whether Mik intended it that way or not, she took his comment as a great compliment. “Thank you. It’s more the children I’m devoted to. If Purple were just sick, I wouldn't have come, or had I determined he was only sick, I would have left.” She didn't add any disclaimers about Red _allowing_ her to or not. ”Labs growing new members certainly saves time,” she admitted.

“Offspring seem to be your area of expertise as you were able to regulate Lilith’s emotional state. I find it difficult to get smeets to listen,” Mik sighed. “They seem very resistant to cooperation with me.”

“Well that’s because you're so bad at it,” Lea chuckled. “Offspring aren't that hard, really. They’re little people and they’re not stupid, but you can't science talk them down when their emotions flare up. Everything here is new, strange, and scary and she needs to be reassured that she’s safe and will be cared for even though her parents can't be here to do that. That she has someone she can trust. And sometimes an upset child just needs a warm hug and a kind voice. - But don't worry, I’m pretty sure you’ll get plenty more opportunities to practice.”

“Yes, this the first time I have been able to see her in person,” Mik said, then looked down at this reader. “That data seems to have fully transferred. As you look that over, do you mind if I start analyzing that drug?” 

“Go right ahead. You can use the medlabs here too, if you want,” she told him.

"Thank you, I'll set up some data I want to run," Mik said, typing on his reader. 

Lea began reading Mik’s reports about his Tallests. His Purple seemed to require a lot of sugar, much more than she’d ever seen this Purple eat. “I did give Purple smoothies that are adjusted for the Irken sugar requirement, but not with these amounts,” she commented aloud, half to herself and half to him.

Hearing Lea comment, he nodded. "Yes, taller bodies as I understand them run through sugar and energy at a very high rate and need to consume food often. My My Tallest need to eat every hour or they will start to go into sugar deprivation," Mik said and stood up. "There are some tests I need to run in the lab equipment. Thank you for the snacks, I'll consult you with any results I find. And, if you have any questions on my data, let me know," 

Lea-Nard nodded. “Sounds like a plan. If the medical drones I’ve had the dubious honour of working with since I arrived cause any trouble, let me know,” she said and Mik nodded before leaving her office and going into the labs.

She considered his newest piece of information. Every hour? Her Purple didn't seem to require that much, nor did Red, though she hadn't kept an eye on his eating habits at all. She made a mental note to ask Red or Purple about it later, and resumed her careful reading.

When it was time for her to go back to her quarters, she told Mik to work as he wanted and head to his own quarters as he wished.

Mik bade her goodnight and spent a good portion of the rest of the night researching the Vortian drug and its components. He was also ready to do some research on the Irkens here and the chemical make up of their scents. However, he was having a hard time convincing the other medics to volunteer to give him samples of their scents. So he did more research on the venom from Red and Purple before he went to his quarters for a short rest. Upon returning to the labs in the morning, he continued to look over his data while he waited for Lea to return to the labs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two medics watching porn together. Just another day at the office XD


	6. Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! Sorry this one's a day late, but here it is!

As Purple carried Lilith back down the hall towards the Tallest Suite, Red joined them, hovering along next to Purple. The few other Irkens they passed quickly stepped out of the way and either saluted or wiggled their antennae at them. Neither adult said anything or acknowledged them in any way, not even to the guards as they went through the last hallway to their private living chambers.

Once inside, Red deactivated his hoverbelt and began removing his armor. “I am _starved,_ ” he lamented. “What about you two?”

Purple shrugged. “I should _try_ , I suppose. What about you, Lilith?”

Lilith had stayed quiet as they walked through the halls as seeing so many strangers was still scary to her and she clung tightly to Purple. Back in the familiar environment of Purple's room she eased up a bit and looked around until she spotted the plate of cupcakes and donuts from before. "Cupcakes!" she said to Purple, pointing to the table. 

“Sure.” Purple carried her to the table and set her down on it beside the plate, receiving a questioning look from Red, but the ruler shrugged and simply sat down on the table as well on the other side of the plate opposite Lilith and, after fetching some snacks and a smoothie for himself, Purple joined them.

“We’ll have to figure out some place for Lilith to sleep,” Red said as he licked at the frosting of a cupcake. “I know some young Vortian children don't like to sleep alone.”

Lilith eyed Red warily until Purple sat back down at the table. Then she picked a cupcake and crawled over to Purple and opted to sit on his lap. Tilting her head back she grinned up at him. "I'm going to sleep with my best friend," she declared, then went back to the important matter of eating her cupcake. Taking off the wrapper, she ripped the bottom part of the cake off and smooshed it down on top of the frosting, making a little cupcake sandwich before starting to eat it. 

Purple adjusted himself so he could sit comfortably with Lilith on his lap. “With me?” he asked her, then looked up at Red. “I don't know if-”

“It’s fine,” Red said. “I’d rather she’s near in case she needs something.”

“Okay; then, I guess you're sleeping with us.”

Lilith's eyes lit up. "A sleepover!" she exclaimed. "Me and Gir watched a TV show where there was a sleepover with snacks and a pillow fight and all the girls were in pajamas, but then they got hot and took them off and then a monster came and ate them all up," Lilith said. "I always wanted to have a sleepover, but no monsters." she added. "If a monster did come I would punch him in the nose."

Red giggled as he listened to the story. “Good, then you're the official Puncher of Monster Noses. Which will come in handy, since Pur here gets scared at night.”

“I do not,” Purple protested.

“Don’t listen to him, he’s woken me up every night since we met,” Red insisted.

“I have not!” Purple defended and, since he was glaring at Red, Lilith did too.

“Uh-oh, two glares!” Red raised his hands and made a show of scooting away as though intimidated. “It just figures you two would gang up on me!” When he scooted back intimidated, Lilith cracked a small smile.

She tilted her head up at Purple. "It's okay to be afraid of stuff. Daddy says that not being afraid isn't being brave, facing the stuff that makes you scared is. But some things are still scary no matter what, like bees. One time, one got in the house ‘cause Gir left the window open and Pops almost destroyed the whole base to get it out. Daddy was _really_ mad when he got home from work," she said, then yawned.

Purple looked down at her as she told him her story and, by the time she had concluded it, his eyes were as big as dinner plates. “Are the bees on your planet really that bad?” He shivered and squeezed her to him lightly. “And, okay, maybe I do get a little scared sometimes,” he whispered. “This is new to me too, to not have to stay inside where it's safe or to always hide from people. I mean, I can come and go as I please now and there are… a _lot_ of people on this ship. When Red and I became Life Mates, I didn't know he was the _ruler.”_

“To be fair, _I_ didn't know it either,” Red pointed out.

“Did you have to stay inside with your Daddy and Pops too? Inside is boring! Going outside seems much more fun!” She glanced at the door, her antennae drooping a little. “But there are lots of strangers,” she admitted with another yawn. 

“I had to stay inside with my Guardian, Lem, and his assistants and teachers, and Tak,” Purple began explaining. “She and I grew up together. If we went outside at all, it was with an escort to protect us and make sure we behaved, but mostly we stayed inside.”

At Purple’s story, Lilith scrunched her face up in disgust. “You had to live at _skool?”_ She then looked down at her lap. “When I get older I have to go to skool too, because it’s the law. But Daddy is teaching me lots of stuff so skool doesn’t wash my brainmeats and Pops said when I get bigger he’ll teach me to fight so I don’t get bullied. Daddy was bullied a lot at skool and they even sent him to the _bad place,_ but Pops saved him and fixed him better. Pops is good at fixin’ stuff.”

“‘Skool’?” Purple asked, having never heard that word before. “We lived on one of the moons of Mafitia together. Your Daddy is lucky your Pops could fix him.”

“Yep,” Lilith agreed with Purple, yawning again. “Daddy is lucky, but Pops is luckier.”

“She looks like she’s tired. Why don't you take her to bed when she’s finished eating?” Red suggested.

Purple nodded. “She’ll need some sleeping clothes.”

“Well, just order one in a smallers’ size from the dispenser.”

  
“I need to potty and brush my teeths too before bed,” she informed them. 

Red pointed to the hallway. “Either I or Purple can take you to the cleansing chambers,” he said.

Lilith looked up at Red and studied him. After a moment she looked up into Purple’s eyes for a long moment before going back to stare at Red. She seemed to have come to a conclusion as she then told Red, “You can take me to the bathroom.” 

At Lilith’s permission, Red slid off the table and walked up to stand before her and Purple. “Okay, then come along,” he said, holding his hand out.

She grabbed onto Red’s hand and let herself be picked up and brought into the bathroom. “You saved Purple from his bad place,” Lilith said to Red, once they were in the bathroom. She wiggled her antennae. "He smells sad like Daddy does when he talks about skool.” 

Holding her securely to his chest, Red chuckled at Lilith’s assessment. “Yeah, I guess I did.” Then sighed at the next revelation. “You can smell that? Thinking about the place does make him sad.” 

Looking into Red’s eyes she asked. “Do you love him?”

Her question was one Red wouldn't have expected from her in a million years and his antennae sprung up in surprise. Did he love Purple, she wished to know. Of course, there was only one answer, “Yes, I do,” he said softly and openly. “From the moment I first saw him.” 

Lilith nodded approvingly when Red said he loved Purple. “Then you can fix him. Daddy says love fixes everything. I love Purple too.”

“You think so? I hope so. I hate seeing him so sad,” Red said, then he set Lilith down and indicated a wall. “Just wave your hand in front of the wall and a toilet seat will come out. - Computer, use the settings for a smaller’s height.”

After Red put her down, she looked up at him. “You can be my friend too,” she decided, then turned to where Red pointed. “I’m a big girl. I can potty by myself,” she told Red, waiting for him to leave. 

Red nodded at her statement about being able to potty by herself. “Okay, then I’ll wait for you outside, my new friend,” he added with a wink. With that, he turned and left the chamber, the door closed behind him with a _whoosh_.

Lilith finished her business and washed her hands. Then looked around and up at the ceiling. “Computer, can I have a toothbrush, please?” she asked, needing to do so before going to bed. It was part of her nightly ritual. 

_”What is a ‘toothbrush’?”_ the computer inquired. _”I am unfamiliar with this term.”_

Lilith frowned. “You’re not a very smart computer,” she said with a sigh and proceeded to explain with a very patient voice. “A toothbrush has a handle and brushes on the end of it. You put on toothpaste—soap for your teeth,” Lilith added, doubting that the computer would know what that was. “I get mine bubblegum flavored. And you go like this Eeeeee.” She put her teeth together and mimed brushing them. “And ahhhhh.” She opened her mouth to do the same. “And you brush your teeth so you don’t get bad cav-it-tees.” 

The computer was silent for a minute, then a panel opened and inside was something similar to a toothbrush, but no bristles and no toothpaste. _”Take it out and press the button,”_ it instructed as it would to any newly hatched smeet that didn't know how to use it. _”Run it over your teeth and it will free them of bacteria and snack bits.”_

"Okay!" Lilith said, and did as instructed and could tell that it was working. "See, Computer," Lilith said up to the ceiling, giving it a big smile as she put the science toothbrush back. "You can do it! You don't have to know everything to be a good computer," she said, trying to encourage the computer that was only able to make a toothbrush after she explained what it was. 

The computer, being an emotionless piece of technology that had no such feelings of inadequacy, simply kept quiet.

Hopping away from the washing area, she ran up to the door and it opened where Red was waiting for her. She gave him a big toothy grin. "All done! I taught the Computer how to make a toothbrush."

Red held out his hand. “You _taught_ the computer something? Amazing!” he said, his expression approving. “So, shall we go get you some sleeping clothes?”

"Yep!" Lilith said, reaching up to take his hand, but even then it was a little hard on her arm because he was so tall. "You're too tall, pick me up!" Lilith said brightly, as she held her arms up. 

Red gave her a confused look. “‘Too tall’? I do not understand these words in that order.” He reached under her arms and picked her up. Then he tapped her forehead and winked to show he was teasing, making her giggle. “I’m the _perfect_ height to see over everyone else.” He carried her into his and Purple's sleeping chambers and walked up to a panel. His and Purple’s bed could be seen hovering near the ceiling, the door to its domelike shell was closed, making it effectively unrecognizable as a bed.

"You're too tall to be a good hider in hide and seek. I'm the best hider," Lilith said, sticking her tongue out at him playfully. "I can even fit in the vents with Gir. Daddy and Pops are too tall and they can't fit inside. Sometimes, when they get mad at us for breaking stuff, me and Gir go hide in there." 

“Computer, I need sleeping clothes for a smaller.” Red looked at Lilith. “Her size.” Then to her, added, “A good hider, huh?” he asked, as he retrieved the clothing the computer just provided with one hand while supporting her carefully in the other. “Well, I’ll bet I’m a good finder. It only took me 16 years to find Purple on another planet.”

Lilith gasped excitedly. "My Pops too! He came a long long way with Gir alllllll the way to where Daddy lived. They fought a lot at first but when they grew up they decided that they loved each other lots and lots. Then they made me! I'm half of Daddy." She pointed to a tan spot on her face. "And half of Pops." She pointed to her green skin. "But I'm all Lilith!" she giggled. 

“Wow, sounds like your Pops and I have a lot in common!” Red grinned. “Hopefully he’s not as _tall_ as me though.” Then he carefully put her down on the floor and held up the clothing so she could see: a long, yellow gown made of a soft material that was silky to the touch. “So, All Lilith, how’s this?” From his estimations, it might be just a little too long for her (her measurements weren't in the computer yet, he guessed, or it was the computer’s snarky reply to her having ‘taught’ it to make a toothbrush).

Lilith looked up and studied him a moment. "Pops is about this tall," she placed a hand on her shoulder then pointed to Red's shoulder. "Daddy is this tall," She placed her hand under her chin while looking at Red. "Gir is as tall as me!" she said, then looked at the dress with her eyes widening. She let out a very loud and high pitched squeal that caused anyone with antennae to have them spring up, but it was a short-lasting sound. "A PRINCESS DRESS!" she squealed in delight and Red’s antennae laid back down. Grinning from antennae to antennae, she held out grabbing hands. "Gimme! Gimme!"

When she reached for it, he held it just out of her reach and frowned. “I dunno, are you _suuuuuure_ you like it?” he asked sceptically. “‘Cause I can have the computer make something else if you don't. How about a nice pair of black pants?”

"Nooooo! I already have black pants; see?" Lilith said, pointing her little foot out to show her leg with said black pants on. "Mr. Computer made that for me 'cause he likes me a lot!" Lilith said, hopping up to try and grab the gown. 

“Oh, did he?” Red smirked and teased her a little more by pulling it out of her reach until he ‘accidentally’ let it slip just enough for her to grab it. “Uh-oh!” He made a face as though he’d lost.

Lilith stuck her tongue out at Red and clutching her prize ran over to show Purple. "Purple look what--" as she ran she stepped on the hem on the dress, tripped and promptly face planted onto the floor. There was a short moment where she remained completely still, however she was too excited to be hurt and popped her head up, rolled to free the dress, then hopped up and continued running over to Purple and proudly held up the yellow dress. "Mr. Computer loves me so much he made me a golden princess dress!" Lilith said, having upped the affection the computer had for her. 

Red started to scramble for her when she got up herself and resumed running, and he let out a relieved breath as he followed her to Purple, who was still sitting at the table sipping on his smoothie.

At the commotion, Purple’s head snapped up to see an ecstatic Lilith proudly holding up a yellow sleeping gown. He had absolutely no clue what a ‘princess dress’ was, but he wasn't going to ruin it for her by insisting it was just a sleeping gown. “That’s fantastic!” he said, beaming at her. “Then you should try it on. - Do you need help?”

“Nope! I can do it,” Lilith said, dropping the dress on the floor and grabbing the edge of her dark pink tunic to pull it over her head. However, it was soon clear that, yes, she needed help, as the tunic seemed to have gotten stuck on her head, along with her arms. She twisted and turned and looked like a tube with legs and antennae sticking out. 

Red chuckled a little as he watched her, then as Purple simply watched, making no move to help the smeet escape her tunic, Red knelt down and steadied Lilith, then took hold of the material and eased it over her head.

Lilith shook her head after it was free and reached up to take out her (now messy) pony tails, as that was what her dress had caught on, and put the elastics around her wrist like a bracelet, letting her hair hang in waves. She gave Red a quick grin before sitting down to take off her boots and next went her leggings. She wasn’t at all bothered being naked as her parents often helped her dress and undress. The patchiness of her skin continued all over her body and along her smooth PAK-less back. 

Purple, who had been raised in a sheltered environment where he was told his body was only for his Champion, politely looked away; while Red, who had no such qualms and especially not where a little smeet who was in his care was concerned, watched Lilith openly, waiting in case she needed assistance. 

She had more luck putting the yellow dress on and smoothed it down then grinned up at Purple. The hem of the dress dragged a bit on the floor and she would have to pick it up to not step on it. “Look! I can do this!” The material was loose around her legs and she swished her hips making the dress swish around her legs and off the floor. Red chuckled softly as he watched.

Purple looked back and couldn't help smiling at her excitement over the wonders of the long gown. He remembered what it was like himself to put on a long, soft gown that swished about his feet for the first time. It was fun.

“Are you gonna wear—“ Lilith paused and looked between Red and Purple for a moment. “Prince dresses to bed too?” she asked. They were boys, so they couldn’t wear _princess_ dresses. They would have to wear _prince_ dresses. “We can be match-ies! You can have a red one and you can have a purple one,” Lilith said, pointing to them for their respective colors. 

“We’ll have-”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Red interrupted, though Purple didn't look upset as he put his empty cup aside. “Purple is perfect for him. Let’s go get them now.” Red picked Lilith up and held his hand out to Purple, who looked at it for a second, smiled, then took it and let Red pull him to his feet. 

He followed Red into their bed chamber where Red put Lilith down, then the ruler went to the panel to order their clothes. As Purple glanced to where they kept their clothes, then to his partner questioningly, Red winked, then retrieved them and held Purple’s up for Lilith to see. It matched hers in style, just much, much longer and royal purple.

“That’s his and --” he handed it to Purple, then held up his, same style, but a bold, bright red. “-- this one’s for me.”

Purple raised his antennae, for he was very curious to see how Red would look in that colour as opposed to the pink he usually wore.

“Ooooooo!” Lilith said excitedly. “Now we’ll all be matching!” she said, pointing to her eyes, then the dress. “Quick put them on! Then we’ll be allllll ready for bedtime stories and lullabies,” Lilith said. 

Purple looked back down at his new outfit. It was darker in colour than the one he usually wore, but the shade appealed to him. He quietly went into the en suite cleansing chambers and quickly changed, then returned carrying his uniform gown and armored shoulderplates, which a robotic arm from the ceiling retrieved.

Red walked up to him and grinned in approval. “I like this colour on you,” he said, cupping Purple’s cheek for a moment, then turned back to Lilith and held up his gown. “My turn.” Then he went into the chamber to change as well. When he emerged in the long, red gown, he stopped and held his hands out. “How do I look?” In this colour, his eyes appeared to have darkened to reflect it.

Purple’s antennae twitched as he gazed at his partner. _Yes, he liked that colour on Red a lot._

Red bent down, raised his hand to his mouth, and whispered loudly to Lilith. “I think he likes it.”

Lilith giggled and nodded as her antennae wiggled. "Yep! There's lots of happy in here. I'm happy too." She looked around. "Where are we gonna sleep?" she asked and rubbed her eyes starting to feel tired. 

“Oh!” Red gasped. “Well…” He grinned. “Watch this!”

“He’s really proud of this,” Purple whispered to Lilith.

He stepped towards an empty corner, then waved his hand lavishly. A moment later, the large dome lowered until it hovered just above the floor before him and a part of the outer wall slid open revealing an entrance to a large bed filled with dark red blankets and pink and lavender pillows.

“Here,” Red announced proudly. “In the best bed in the whoooooole universe. It was designed by _me_ of course.”

Lilith's mouth hung open in amazement. "That's so cool!" she exclaimed, grabbing the edge of her dress up so she wouldn't trip and ran over to look inside. "You have a secret base for a bed! With a pillow fort inside!" She pointed to the nest Purple had made of pillows and blankets. She was about to climb in, but stopped and looked over her shoulder at them. "What's the password to go in? Every secret base needs a password."

Red stepped aside, positively beaming, and nudged Purple before returning to Lilith.

“There’ll be no living with him now,” Purple murmured softly as he smirked at their backs.

“A password, huh? Well, we don't have a password for you yet, ‘cause you're new, so… you’ll have to think one up, a really _good_ one that no one else can guess. That way, when you say it, the computer will always know it’s you.”

"Hmmm..." Lilith grew silent as she thought really hard. A word that would be special to her, that no one would guess. "Mothman!" she said finally. "That's a secret name, it's a good password."

“What do you think, Pur? Is it a good one?” Red asked.

Purple furrowed his brow. “What’s a ‘mothman’?”

Red chuckled. “Perfect password, Lilith. - Computer, enable ‘Mothman’ as Lilith’s access to the bed.”

_“Yes, my Tallest; password set for smeet Lilith.”_

“The bed should also be lower so she can climb in. Computer, she will be staying with us and you are to consider her my smeet,” Red said in a serious tone.

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

“Good.” Red turned to Lilith. “Then I guess it’s time for bed.” And then he looked at Purple, who came over to them.

Lilith gave Red an odd look when he told the computer that she was to be considered as his smeet, but it didn't last long and she didn't say anything before turning to the bed's entrance. "Mothman!" she said and knocked three times on the wall before climbing inside. She immediately crawled over to the pillow fort, but stopped before going inside. "Mothman," she whispered then glanced back at them for permission to enter the fort. 

Red nudged Purple. “That’s your territory, my purple Builder of Nests.” At Purple’s blank look, he added, “Can she go in?”

“Oh!” Purple looked to Lilith and nodded. “Of course.” He crawled onto the bed and over to Lilith, then Red started to follow, but hung back at the entrance.

“I hope you two don't mind too much if I don't join you right away. As the almighty ruler, I have a lot of work to take care of still,” Red said.

Lilith crawled into the fort after gaining permission, but turned around and stuck her head out when Red said he wasn't going to follow. "You gotta go to work?" she asked, then looked between the two when Red didn't come in any further. "Before you leave you have to give him a kiss good-bye because you love him. Daddy says that's the rules," Lilith said to Red, as she pointed at Purple. 

“Is it now?” Red asked, as Purple followed her farther into his nest. “I like that rule.” Red crawled in after and bent down to give Purple a tender kiss on the lips. Purple blushed, but returned it, then Red withdrew. “I really like that rule. In fact, I declare it our rule too,” he said, then he reached out and patted Lilith’s cheek. “Good night to you too.” Then, one more kiss to Purple (“that’s the rules”), he retreated from the bed completely.

Lilith nodded as Red properly followed the rules. “Bye-bye!” she said when he left and, her antennae wiggling slightly, she turned to Purple. “You smell really happy. You love him lots too,” she giggled before retreating back into the fort. “Come on, slow poke,” Lilith called from inside.

“Yeah, I… I do.” Purple admitted as he followed Lilith inside his nest. He settled down facing her and, remembering how much he liked to be in Red’s arms and thinking maybe she could use the comfort, offered her to snuggle up to him. Lilith immediately went over and cuddled up in Purple’s arms, curling up against his chest. “Red was… the first person that ever made me feel safe and… well, special,” he said quietly. He didn't know if she’d understand or not, but he wanted to say it anyway. “And he can be lots of fun.” He smiled, thinking about his partner’s jokes and silliness. “Yeah, I love him lots,” he concluded.

“I like him! He’s my friend too! And he loves you lots and lots, he told me so. Just like my Daddy and Pops,” she said, and nuzzled her face against the silky texture of Purple’s chest. Purple heard the panel slide shut and felt the subtle shift as the dome rose; he smiled as Lilith told him how she felt about Red. She then grew quiet and a little hand grabbed at the material and he could feel her rub it between her fingers. Her antennae tucked themselves back in her hair and, after a long silence, a small and soft voice asked, “Is Lilith a bad girl?” 

At her question he blinked. “A bad girl?” he repeated and looked down at her in the near darkness. “No, I don't believe so.” He ran through his memories to see if there was anything he might've missed. Maybe because she’d yelled at Mik earlier? That would've gotten him in trouble in the past, but Lem wasn't here to be upset with either of them and there was no indication Red was upset; so, again, “No, I really don't think you are. Why?” Maybe she knew something he didn't.

“I pushed the button, when I wasn’t supposed to. Now Uncle Mik says I can’t go home. If I was a good girl I wouldn’t have been sent away. D-Do D-Daddy and Pops n-not want me a-any m-more?” she asked, her voice cracking as she gripped onto Purple’s shirt and curled into a tight ball. 

“Oh,” Purple murmured, now understanding what was troubling her. He wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back, since it always seemed to help before. “It’s not that, it’s that you and Mik are very far away from home and getting back is… going to be hard.” Even if it wasn't within his education level, he knew jumping universes wasn't a small feat. His fingers idly moved to the strange stuff she called ‘hair’. He liked the texture and gently ran his fingers through it, careful of her antennae. “I’m sure, though, that Red will try and find your parents.” He had no idea how, though. Still, he could assure her of one thing, “Until then, you’ll be safe with Red and I and we’ll take care of you.”

“Okay,” she said back in a soft voice, and it wasn’t on the verge of tears anymore. “Can you sing me a lullaby until I fall asleep?” Lilith asked, purring contentedly as Purple pet her hair.

“I don't think I know what that is,” Purple admitted. He understood ‘sing’, but not what he was supposed to do (or sing) and the extent of his singing had been humming to himself as a smeet (often to annoy the people who were trying to get him to pay attention).

"You don't know any lullabies?" Lilith said. "I'll sing you my Daddy's song," she said, then began singing in a soft voice.

" _Oh did you know_

_That an atom is the smallest_

_Thing in the universe_

_Oh did you know_

_That everything_

_From the land to the sea_

_From the bugs to the breeze_

_From you to me_

_Is made of atoms_

_Oh did you know_

_It’s smaller than a bee_

_It's nothing you can see_

_But there are atoms_

_So when you feel small_

_Know you aren’t at all_

_Because you’re made of atoms_

_Oh did you know_

_That as you learn and grow_

_I love you more_

_Than all your atoms_ "

Lilith ended her song softly holding onto Purple's shirt and with a soft breath was sound asleep.

Purple’s PAK recorded the song as Lilith sang it and labeled it ‘Loo-la-bye’, which he was glad for, because he knew he’d never remember that otherwise. When Lilith had finished and grew still, her breathing steady, and he realised she must be asleep, he played the memory back in his mind in the hopes that he could learn it well enough to at least hum it to her next time. It wasn't long, however, before the excitement of the day got to him as well, and he slipped off into sleep.

***

Meanwhile, the ruler himself was laying on his back on the couch with his ankles crossed, an Irken soda on the coffee table beside him, a plate of snacks and sandwiches resting on his stomach, and a PAD in his hands. The screen he was so carefully studying currently displayed information about florpus holes. If he swiped, he had a number of other pages with information open with everything he could find about interdimensional travel, from theory to fancy. Fact to fiction. (There was notably more fiction than fact on the subject.) Most of the articles were from Vortian scientists.

Unable to find what he was looking for and tired of reading fiction, he’d come to bed to snuggle up to Purple, but found Purple on the inside and Lilith closest, so had laid down opposite Purple (his side, after all).

  
  



	7. To Wake a Prince

Lilith stretched and slowly uncurled as she came to. Rubbing her eyes, she opened them to see Purple still sleeping. Quietly sitting up, she felt eyes on her and looked to her other side to find Red watching her. She glanced at Purple then back to Red and put a finger to her lips. "Shhh," she said in a whisper voice. "Purple is sleeping." 

Red smiled and winked to show he understood, then reached out and gently cupped her cheek the way he often did with Purple. So small, he noticed, just like the rest of her. He could have easily grazed her antennae with his long fingers whilst his palm was against her cheek. “How are you?” he asked softly, hoping she hadn't gotten scared during the night in a strange place.

Lilith nuzzled against Red's hand and reached up to hold his hand against her face. "Good," she whispered, then coyly looked up at him with big yellow eyes. "But donuts would make it better." 

Red smirked. “Donuts, huh? You sound just like Pur,” he whispered, glancing quickly at Purple to make sure the word ‘donuts’ hadn't caught his attention. It hadn't, for he was still; breathing softly plus the occasional soft snore, with a wet spot on his pillow near his mouth that Red was totally going to tease him about and he was totally going to deny later. “Shall we let him sleep and go get some?” he asked, his eyes falling back to Lilith as he raised himself up a little.

"Yes!" Lilith said in a quiet and excited whisper. "With frosting and rainbow sprinkles," she added and crawled over to the exit of the bed and waited for Red. 

Careful not to bother Purple, Red crawled after her, the bed already lowering to the floor due to her approaching the door, and waited beside her until it opened. Then he slipped out, picked her up, and carried her to the dining chambers.

"Did you have a good day at work yesterday?" Lilith asked Red, as he carried her to the dining table. 

“Eh, could've been better. I didn't get as much accomplished as I’d hoped,” Red replied and sat her down on the table. “Chairs are overrated,” he whispered to her conspiratorially, making her giggle. 

"Oh, and Purple loves you lots too. Is that why he is going to have a smeet? When? I want to play with them! What's their name gonna be? Are they going to call you Pops or Daddy? Oh! Or Papa? Which one is Purple going to be?" Lilith, no longer shy around Red, bombarded him with questions. 

At her gatling gun of questions, he raised up to his full height and waited patiently until she’d finished. “Woah, don't forget to breathe,” he chuckled.   
  


"I never forget to breathe," she said, picking up a sticky and glazed donut.  
  
“Anyway, well, yes, that seems to have been exactly how it happened that we’re having a smeet, but we’re not sure when yet,” he began answering her questions. He went to the panel and scrolled through the selections whilst. He chose a few things and waited. “I’m sure you can play with it. Maybe you can teach it stuff like all the good hiding places Pur and I are ‘too tall to get into’,” he suggested with a mischievous grin. He brought the tray over to the table and set it next to her. He looked up at the ceiling as though in thought. “I like the name ‘Red’, but if it doesn't have red eyes…” He shrugged. “Then I’ll let Purple name it.” To the last question - and he was so glad his PAK had a perfect memory of them to draw from - he answered, “It’ll call Purple ‘Dami’ and me ‘Dadi.”

"Eh?" she said, giving Red the perfect imitation of her Pops. "You can't name your smeet 'Red', that's _your_ name. They need their own name." 

Sitting down on the table beside her, Red made a surprised face and gasped, “I _can't_? Maybe you're right. It could get kinda confusing if Pur’s yelling at ‘Red’, because then we won't know _who’s_ in trouble.”

She nodded in agreement and began eating her donut then going in for another that was covered in small candies and had frosting. Getting her face and hands covered in sticky sugary goo. "Do you have to work today too?" 

The mess she was making of herself didn't bother him in the slightest. Sticky donuts were sticky. He picked up one of the sticky ones too and took a bite. “Well, the downside of ruling an empire this big and amazing is that I _always_ have work. The upside to ruling, however, is that I can do some of the work from home.” His antennae raised as he thought of something. “We are gonna have to find _you_ something to do too, aren't we? Don't want you being bored all the time.”

Lilith nodded. “Being bored is the worst!”

“I agree completely,” Red said.

“At home I get to help fix the base because Gir is always breaking stuff. And sometimes Daddy brings home parts of robots from his work for me to play with and make my own stuff! And I help Pops fix the Voot and make cool stuff.” Lilith dropped into a whisper and leaned closer to Red. “Sometimes I help Pops make cool stuff and then he will test them for reals and show me later at home, but Daddy doesn’t know ‘cause he’d get mad. Even if Pops doesn’t hurt anybody too bad with the cool stuff.” 

Red regarded her thoughtfully. “You like designing things? Maybe you could make some designs and we can have them made.” He wasn't yet sure he wanted her working with the engineering drones all by herself and he further doubted they would be any good with a young smeet to begin with. “Perhaps that would be a good job for you for today, what do you think?”

“Yay! I like drawing a lot too! Lea said she’d give me a drawing pad of my own!” Lilith said excitedly, wiggling her sticky fingers. 

Red finished his donut and had another. “Oh, she did? Then we’ll have to be sure to go fetch it. Maybe you can go with Purple when he has his checkup and she’ll have it by then.” 

At the mention of going back to the medbay, Lilith became quiet and ate another messy donut. “Do you think Uncle Mik is mad at me? It’s my fault he can’t go home.”

“Hmm, you know, I don't know. Perhaps you could ask him?” Red suggested. He doubted Mik was upset, and he didn't personally care what the medical drone thought, but if she was concerned, that seemed to him the best way to find out. “Maybe you could draw him something as a peace offering.” Then he cupped her sticky cheek. “I can't imagine how anyone could stay upset at you for a _whole night_ though, and I’m sure he can find plenty of things with which to busy himself here.”

“Okay,” Lilith said, then giggled as Red cupped her cheek and it came away sticky. “You’re going to need a bath,” she laughed. 

Red looked at his hand and pressed his thumb and forefinger together, then pulled them apart again a few times and shrugged. “Fortunately, the cleansing chambers for the Tallest are nice.” It was then that he was alerted to incoming messages via a chime from the computer.

_”My Tallest, incoming message from the medical bay,”_ it announced. It wouldn't have bothered him with such a penetrant alert, but since Purple was in intensive care due to smeeting, he’d ordered the computer to alert him right away when Lea sent him a message.

“What does she want?” Red asked, shoving the rest of his donut into his mouth. “Is it urgent?”

” _Yours and Tallest Smeet Lilith’s presences are requested, but it is not labeled an emergency,_ ” the computer answered.

“So it’s not about Purple?”

” _Shall I read the message to you, my Tallest?_ ”

Red thought about it, then, “No. If it’s not an emergency, I’ll read it on my PAD when we’re finished,” he said. The computer gave no response other than to be quiet. Then Red picked up another donut and turned his attention back to Lilith. “I guess we have a visit to the medbay today, but you’ll keep me safe from Lea-Nard, won't you?”

Since her mouth was fully of sticky donut at the time, Lilith waved a hand in hello to the computer. “Lea is really nice,” Lilith said. “It’s Uncle Mik that can be... a lot,” she said, using the words her Daddy used to describe him. Then gasped. “He owes me cookies!” 

“Ohh, that bad, huh?” While Red didn't exactly get the term, her meaning was clear as Sylvestrian rain (which was as bad as Earth rainwater, just without the water and without Earth part - if Red had known about the Earth to make the comparison, but he didn't, so he just knew Mik was very difficult for the smeet, and more importantly…) “He owes you cookies!” Red gasped. “Then we had better go get them! For that, we must go to the medical bay, and for that, we must clean up.” He shoved the rest of the donut in his mouth and chewed and swallowed. “Perhaps we should let Purple sleep a little longer though,” he added. “So we’ll go together.”

“Pops and I always let Daddy sleep more too,” Lilith agreed, copying Red and stuffing the rest of her donut in her mouth. “Aww re gowna ave a aathh ow?” Lilith asked around her mouthful. It sounded suspiciously like ‘are we gonna have a bath now?’. 

Red answered with, “Ah-gunno-aht-oo-sehhh,” which sounded much like ‘I dunno what you said’. Then he giggled and added, “We’ll have to work on the rules of that language. Let’s get cleaned up and dressed.” He picked her up and grinned to himself, for he was doing a great job with her, so maybe he could handle his own smeet too. 

He walked down the hallway and stopped before entering the bed chambers. “We can't go in there, because we might wake Pur, so we’ll have to use the other bathroom. It’s not as good, though.” He walked on, changing the direction and stopping at a door. It opened for him and inside was simply a toilet and a sink, both extended from the wall as they entered. Both were at his level until he set her down, then they lowered just as the computer should do upon recognising the Tallest Smeet. “We'll wash here and, later, I’ll show you my better cleansing chamber.”

“Okie dokie!” Lilith whispered. When he set her down and the sink moved too, Lilith looked up at the ceiling. “Thank you,” she said before going to wash her hands and face, scrubbing all the sticky glaze off. “Oh! My toothbrush is in the other bathroom.” Lilith realized then looked up at Red as another problem occurred to her. “What am I gonna wear? The Princess dress is special for bed.” Not to mention it had not escaped the messiness of breakfast. 

Red nodded for she was right and he wouldn't dream of setting foot outside their private chambers in only his sleeping clothes. “Well, since we have to order new clothes for you anyway, we can actually get them from any room,” he explained. He, however, had existing clothes in the bed chamber that he’d prefer to wear instead of ordering entirely brand new ones from the computer, but he was also reluctant to awaken his smeeting partner.

"New clothes!" Lilith said, excited about the idea. But thinking about not waking him, she asked, "Will Purple be sad if we leave without him? I don't like waking up alone," Lilith added. 

Red was about to reassure her it wouldn't be a problem when he paused with his mouth open. The idea of Purple indeed waking up alone and possibly being sad did not sit well with him at all. He closed his mouth again, thought about the best course of action, then spoke. “You're right, I wouldn't want him to be sad. So, we should at least go tell him.”

Lilith nodded then giggled as an idea came to her. She looked Red up and down and giggled more. "Do you know how princesses are supposed to be woken up? I think it works for princes too," she said, and motioned for Red to either come closer or pick her up to whisper the answer to him.

Red honestly wasn't sure where Lilith may be heading, he just hoped it wasn't something that would get him yelled at. He bent down and asked, “How?”

"Princesses _always_ wake up with a kiss from a prince. Oh! But it has to be on the lips. And it has to be a true love kiss, or else it doesn't work," Lilith said very seriously. 

Red turned to her and grinned. “Well, I truly love him, so do you think it’d work if I did it?” Waking his mate with a kiss? He liked that idea.

Lilith made a show of thinking. "Hmmm.... I love Purple too," she said a bit impishly. "We need to see who gets to kiss Purple awake. Let's race to the bed. Readysetgo," Lilith said, already running out the bathroom door before finishing speaking and suppressing her giggles because they still had to keep quiet.

“Race?” Red blinked, then, realising he was already behind, sprung to life and sprinted after her. His long legs closed the distance in no time and he overtook her.

When Red sprinted past her and won, Lilith wore the most indignant expression. "I'm only almost four," Lilith whispered with a pout, her hands in little fists on her hips. "You're supposed to let me win."

Red grinned triumphantly. “That’s not how a race works.” He picked her up. “Maybe next time you’ll beat me.” Not that he planned on letting her win then either.

Lilith gave Red a sassy look as they waited for the bed to slowly lower. "It's not nice to lie," Lilith said tartly. 

Red picked her up. “You can't beat me if it’s just a question of speed,” he whispered softly. “But you might surprise me next time.” He winked at her. The door opened, revealing the bed, and a pile of blankets and pillows under which Red knew Purple was buried. His sharp and attuned hearing picked up the telltale soft, even breathing from within. Red set Lilith on the bed and crawled in himself, making his way for the pile.

Lilith took Red’s words as a challenge. She crawled around the other side of Purple and sat patiently. When he moved back the covers from over Purple’s head (since she was smaller and thus closer) she quickly bent and placed a quick peck on Purple’s lips. When her head popped up she gave Red the cheekiest smirk. “I’m fastest,” she said, pleased as punch. When Purple opened his eyes after the wet kiss, Lilith looked at him and threw up her hands. “The power of love!” 

“Hey!” Red complained, making Lilith giggle. “ _I_ was supposed to do that!”

“Do what?” Purple asked groggily, and wiped his face.

“Wake you with a kiss,” Red answered as he reached out to cup Purple’s cheek. “I was told by a very reliable source that it’s the best way to wake up princesses.”

“And Princes,” Lilith pipped up.

For Purple, it was too early for that and he yawned.

“Anyway, Lilith and I have been asked to go to the medbay and we didn't want you to wake up all alone and get sad,” Red explained. “Do you want to join us?”

Purple yawned again. “Not especially…”

“Well, you can sleep longer if you wish.”

She watched their exchange and grinned. “Red you can still give Purple a good morning kiss,” she told him, then crawled over to the bed’s entrance. “I have to brush my teeth,” she informed them, turning to slide out onto the floor. “So you can give him an adult one,” she added, before leaving the two adults for their ‘alone time’. She didn’t know what was so different about an ‘adult kiss’ but that her Pops was very shy so Daddy could only give him the special kisses when no one was looking. Also those kisses were only for adults in love like her Daddy and Pops. So Red and Purple probably had adult kisses too. 

The two watched as she left and Red turned back to Purple. “That sounds like a good idea.”

“Wha-”

Red kissed him tenderly and Purple closed his eyes as he returned it. After a moment, Red ended it shortly, drew his tongue over Purple’s lips, then smiled. “Good morning, Sunshine.”

Purple smiled and relaxed against the pillows while gazing up at his mate.

Lilith trotted into the bathroom, “Good morning, Mr. Computer, can I have my toothbrush please?” she asked, stepping up to the sink that lowered for her. 

” _Yes, Tallest Smeet Lilith,_ ” the computer answered, and the panel opened as before with the toothbrush.

“Thank you,” Lilith said, then quickly brushed her teeth and replaced the toothbrush. She looked down at her clothes, then at the bathroom door. “Mr. Computer, are they still kissing? Red said he’d make me new clothes.” 

_”They appear to be finished,”_ it answered. _“It’s safe.”_

Indeed, Red was pulling his sleeveless black undershirt on while Purple sat at the edge of the bed stretching.

Lilith _teehee_ -ed as she ran out of the bathroom and up to Red. “Red! You said you’d make me some new clothes! With pockets to put stuff in,” she added. “Please!” Seeing That Purple was awake she then ran over to him. “Good morning! Did you have nice dreams? I had donuts for breakfast! We’re going to see Uncle Mik because he needs to give me cookies!” Lilith said, mostly in one breath. 

Surprised by the sudden burst of energy, Red patted her head and looked over at Purple wide-eyed, who shortly mimicked Red by looking back.

“I…” Purple mumbled, trying to figure out a coherent answer. “I’m not that awake yet,” he concluded.

“Oh!” Red exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “Clothes…” He walked over the panel and began entering info for a custom outfit for her. To his surprise, the computer automatically filled in her size before he could. Shortly, he had the first ‘prototype’ in hand and held it up. The computer had apparently taken liberties with Red’s design and instead of a practical, short tunic and pants, he had a single piece that would hang to her ankles and had a very swishy, ruffled skirt. As with most Tallest clothing, it was high-collared and sleeveless. It was all golden yellow and the computer had also provided matching boots as opposed to the standard issue black ones he’d asked for.

Instead of complaining or scolding the computer, he turned to the other two. “Um, Lilith, what do you think of these?” If she liked them, he’d forgive the computer for disobeying him.

Lilith gave another high-pitched squeal of joy. The screech made Purple jump, then he rubbed his head with a sigh. If Purple wasn’t awake, he would be now. Lilith ran over and did a little happy dance in front of the dress. “It’s so pretty! And it’s got matchy booties!” She hopped back and forth from one foot to the next as she waited for Red to give her the dress. 

Instead of teasing her, Red handed her the clothes right away, then went back over to Purple. “I hope she likes them,” he said softly, and when Purple looked up, the ruler had a small smirk. A joke, clearly, and Purple stretched - it was just way too early for all this excitement.

Lilith quickly slipped out of her nighttime princess dress and into the beautiful yellow one. This time she was able to get the dresses on and off without a problem. She then stepped into the boots and, turning around, shoved her hands into the pockets on the side of the dress and swooshed her hips. “It’s perfect!” she declared.

“I don't think she likes it,” Red commented. “What do you say?”

Purple looked at Lilith and shook his head at Red’s teasing, but it was infectious. “She’ll grow to like it,” he chided back and stood up. He went to the cleansing chamber to freshen up, deciding he’d tag along to the medbay with them after all. “I’m coming with,” he said over his shoulder before the door slid shut. He had to go sooner or later anyway, may as well get it over with.

“I like it lots!” Lilith said, spreading her arms out wide. “Thank you, Mr. Computer!” She giggled and ran around the room some more, enjoying how flowy it was. 

_”You're welcome, Tallest Smeet Lilith,”_ the computer said emotionlessly.

Red grinned. “So, I guess that means we can keep that one?”

“Yep! I like it lots!” Lilith said.

It didn't take Purple long to get ready. He came out and grabbed clothing, then hid himself in the cleansing chamber again to dress. Once he emerged, he was ready. So Red ordered for his armor, which robotic hands helped him into.

“So,” Red said, once he was fully clad. “If everyone’s ready, let’s go.” Purple joined him at his side, but only nodded to indicate he was ready.

Lilith didn’t stop running around until she ran up in front of Purple and held up her arms to be picked up. “Let’s go see Lea and Uncle Mik!” 

Without realising what he was doing, Purple simply picked her up as though he’d spent years training to do this until it had become second nature. Red didn't seem to notice it either, for he activated his hoverbelt and led them from the Tallest Suite without a quip or comment about it.

Hanging just slightly behind him, Purple spoke up. “Why are you two needed in the medbay?”

Red shrugged. “I dunno. I didn't read the message, honestly. I’m sure the Vortian will be too happy to tell me exactly what’s on her mind.” And Purple had absolutely no doubts about that either, so he just nodded as they left for the medbay.

Lilith was all energy inside their chambers, but, as they walked through the halls and passed the other Irkens, she became much more subdued and nuzzled into Purple for comfort. 

Purple instinctively cuddled Lilith, his grip tightening protectively as he attempted to cover her as best he could - as though he could hide her in his arms. They entered the Tallest part of the medbay directly and, there, there were no Irkens or a Vortian to be seen.

Purple frowned. “Usually she’s waiting here for me when I’m here for my checkups…”

“Guess she’s in her office,” Red guessed accurately and lead them to the door. Unlike every other door on the Massive, this one didn't open automatically when he approached. He could've commanded it to, but didn't. “The computer will alert her, so I guess we’ll just wait.”

“Ok,” Purple answered, and they waited to be let in.

  
  



	8. Breakfast in the Medbay

Lea-Nard had spent another hour studying the information Mik had provided her before retreating to her quarters to sleep.

When she awakened the next morning, she was in a good mood and refreshed, and had a lot on her mind, things she wanted to ask Red and Purple, and she was curious to see what Mik had been up to - and she felt excited that there was a child, a real child on board, for she always felt happiest and most alive around them. So, she cleaned, dressed, had a quick coffee, then headed to the medbay.

Mik had one of the medic drones cornered in the lab. "I am just saying that I need a sample of your venom, and to allow me to place this device around your antennae for just a few moments to collect your scent." Mik held up what looked to be a thin cuff. "Your technology isn't up to the point that I can gain an adequate air sample. Oh, and if you, or any Irken you know that would be willing to volunteer, I would like a before, during, and after mating scent sample as well to compare the biochemical properties. All you would have to do is wear this around the base of your antennae. It's really a very simple thing."

Lea walked in just in time to catch the end of that mating bit, decided she needed to have a cup of coffee in hand before dealing with that any further, and slipped quickly into her office room. She finally released the snicker she’d been holding back as the dispenser prepared it. Then, fresh, hot coffee in hand, she had a drink and left the room again. She sipped as she observed in silence - and with no small amount of Schadenfreude at the sight of the very confused and helplessly sweating drone.

Hearing her enter, Mik turned his attention away from the medic, which gave the Irken the opening he was looking for to escape and scuttle away. Mik tried to call after him, but maybe the Irken didn't hear him. With a sigh he turned to Lea. "No matter what universe I am in, I struggle to find volunteers. I assumed that in this society where mating isn't as new, there would be more Irkens engaging in the acts and just as willing to do so for science, but finding samples is proving difficult.

  
  
“Oh, and I analyzed the drug's components,” he said, changing topics. “I was able to obtain some blood samples from a few of the medics, two reported to be Baselings, and one was a Sweetling. I have yet to obtain a Tartling sample, but I wanted you to look over my data on the drug’s interactions with their blood so far."

Lea shot a glare in the direction the drone had scurried off to, then sighed as she walked up to Mik. “Good help is hard to find around here,” she sympathized, and had another sip. “Well, let’s see what you've found so far.” She was genuinely interested in his progress.

"Oh, yes, here," Mik handed over his reader. "The first section is a sample of normal blood, the second is a sample when the drug is introduced. There are marked changes. There are more hormones present in the blood, not new ones, but a significant increase in the naturally occurring ones. Since I am not as familiar with the Irken biology here, I do not know what effect these hormones have. But I think I have isolated the reaction to this one chemical that mimics a protein present in the Irken blood. This protein helps code for an increase in hormones, so when the body sees this it creates more of that Irken's hormone. I believe this accounts for the changes in behavior, but I cannot be sure as I would need to analyze scent and brainwaves in this altered state to create a more sound picture."

Lea looked at the samples and listened carefully. “This is interesting indeed. And you couldn't get a Tartling, you said?” She could definitely see the advantage in getting scent samples too. “I could send a request out asking for a Tartling to volunteer to give a blood sample, though they may ignore me since I’m Vortian…”

Mik sighed. "I imagine that you are correct. Maybe we can ask Tallest Red to help us recruit some volunteers. We will have to add that to our list of items to ask him."

“Then that is exactly what we’ll do,” Lea agreed. She looked back at the findings and pulled out a PAD. With it, she connected to the Vortian database and pulled up info on the drug there and, in specific, how it affects Vortians. It was nothing she already didn't know, of course, but it did have reports about the changes in brainwave patterns. She showed it to Mik. “It obviously won't look the same on Irkens, but I thought you might be curious.” As long as she held it, the PAD displayed it in Vortian, but when he took it, it would translate it to Irken.

“Yes, thank you, this will be helpful as a starting base of research. When the Tallest arrive we can ask them for assistance. And to discuss Lilith,” Mik said as he began reading the data.

Lea nodded. “Yes. We will want Red specifically and when Purple comes in for his checkup, he’s usually alone, so I will send Red a message to let him know his presence is also needed,” she decided.

“Yes, that is a good idea. I would also like to continue adding medical data about Lilith. I want to make sure there are no side effects from the Florpus hole,” Mik said.

“Good, I’ll include that her presence is needed as well,” Lea said, and began typing it out on a PAD. “Anything else?”

“Nothing that we need to mention now. Once Tallest Red is here in person we can discuss our next steps,” Mik said.

Lea agreed with that plan and nodded. “Alrighty.” She finished typing and sent it off.

“Is there anything you need assistance on while we wait for the Tallest?” Mik asked.

“Well, you could join me for breakfast and I might have some questions about your Tallests and smeeting,” Lea answered.

“That would be most welcome,” Mik agreed to breakfast. “I will answer anything to my best ability.”

Lea smiled and led the way back to her office. There, she went to the panel and made some selections, then brought the tray to her desk. “Help yourself,” she instructed him. Her choices were mainly Vortian foodstuffs, but she had added a few Irken ones, then took something out of a storage panel. “It’s all safe for Irkens, don't worry. Try them.” She selected a fruit, it was pink on the outside (like Irken blood) and, when she took a bite, the insides were green. It had an odd scent, sweet, but exotic. The insides glistened and appeared somewhere between mushy and slimy while the peel or rind was thick and and somewhat firm. She showed it to him. “This is a favorite of ours, but Irkens generally won't try it. Not that we mind, because that means there’s that much more for us, but I’ve never understood why Irkens won't give it a chance. Maybe you’d like to try it and tell me what you think.”

Mik took the fruit with his antennae perked. Never one to turn down a new experience and a chance to analyze something, he turned it over in his hands, smelled it, then took a small bite. He rolled the fruit around his tongue testing for flavor and texture. “It is sweet, the sugar content must be high. The outside is thicker, chewy, which combined with the more soft insides has a unique combination. I detect a slight fragrance that is slightly different, but yet sweet. Irkens do not like it you say?” Mik chewed and took another bite. “I wonder if there is a distinct difference in our diets. I do not find this unappealing.”

Lea smiled at his conclusion. “I can't say. Perhaps there is a difference in diet between your Irkens and these. It should meet all of their dietary requirements. Analyses have shown it's very similar to Irken nachos and donuts combined. - We may like to tease Irkens just a little, it’s a typical test done with Irkens on Vort that actually try and spend free time with us. In medical training on Vort, we’d show it to Irkens who were also training. - Ok, well, I didn't, but my colleagues did. Not one liked it and I have always wondered why. - You don't have it in your universe?”

“It is possible it once existed,” Mik said, then quickly continued. “But being assigned to the field while training, then Irk, then the Massive, and then back to Irk, there has not been much of a chance to try other things or meet other species. Actually,” Mik said as something just occurred to him. “Yesterday was my first time seeing Lilith in person. Previously, I only spoke with her during her quarterly medical reports through a very secure communication screen.”

“She lived that far away from both Irk and the Massive?” Lea asked, helping herself to another food item.

"Yes," Mik said, sitting down with some Irken snacks that Lea offered as well as the Vortian fruit. "Her Irken parent was an invader... sort of. He was actually banished to a planet far outside of Irken space under the guise of being an Invader, but eventually settled down on said planet. And through a series of events and highly unorthodox PAK tinkering, accidently activated himself sexually and found a mate as well." Mik took a sip of soda. 

"Quite amazing really. Actually," Mik glanced towards the door a bit apprehensive, but he knew they would be undisturbed. "Her Irken parent exists in this universe. I heard Tallest Red mention him by name and he is as fond of him in this universe as he is in mine... which is not at all," Mik clarified. "One of my greatest concerns is their reaction to Lilith should they discover whom her Irken parent is."

Lea considered what he’d revealed. She didn't think she could assure Mik otherwise, for she also didn't know how the ruler would react to such news. “Then perhaps it’s best we don't reveal it… unless Lilith already has mentioned his name?” Then she thought of something else. “What about Lilith running into him? She’d probably think it was him while he wouldn't know anything about her.”

"Yes, that is a concern of mine. Oddly enough, I do not think Lilith knows her parents by their names, only their titles. And I do not think Tallest Red would keep anyone he dislikes close by, but there is always the chance he could show up. Lilith should avoid contact with her Irken parent at all costs until such things can be properly explained to her. It could negatively impact her brainmeats."

Lea nodded in full agreement. “It would be upsetting to her if her parent rejected her right now.” No, it was definitely a situation she wanted to avoid. “Since both our Reds seem quite similar, I also expect he wouldn't keep him nearby.”

Mik nodded. "Yes, so for now this might not be a concern or one to deal with at the moment. I am hoping that by assisting Tallest Red in his goals to end the drug use at this Wor Hol ceremony, he might listen to my requests about Lilith's well-being even if he finds out about her Irken parent."

“That…” Lea paused and pointed to him. “That is actually clever, Irken.” She smiled in approval. “It sounds like something I would do.” But back to business. “Then, yes, for now we won't worry about it. Should you see him or hear of him, let me know. If you know his name, we could even check for his whereabouts in the database later.”

Mik said the name softly, though no one else was there.

Lea frowned, searching her memory for anything. “I _know_ I’ve heard that name, but I can't place it.” She picked up her PAD. “I’m pretty sure he's not on the Massive, though.” She tipped on the PAD, starting a search. “Well, there’s a Zim on Vort…” she said after a moment, then handed the PAD to Mik. “Is that him?”

Mik took the PAD and studied the picture, not because he wasn't sure but because the likeness was the exact same. He nodded and gave Lea a sympathetic look as it was her home world that was stuck with the unstable Irken. (Unstable in that many things tended to explode around him.)"Yes, um..." Mik looked towards the door again. "That’s the same Zim," he said softly, almost afraid that Tallest Red would burst in at any moment and hear him.

She took the PAD back. “Then that’s why I’ve heard the name. He’s not… entirely unknown among us. Those who have to work with him often have their complaints. And stories about why they’re complaining.”

"He is an... unique Irken. Very smart but um, eccentric. And well, he should be kept away from explosives... and fire," Mik added. "Honestly, I am unsure how Dib--Lilith's non-Irken parent--is able to survive being his mate."

From what she’d heard, ‘eccentric’ sounded like a very _polite_ way of describing Zim, and Lea chuckled. “I often wondered that about Purple, how he manages to survive as the mate of, well, the Irken Tallest himself.” She gave a shrug. “I guess if you love someone, you make it work.” Though she knew very well Purple didn’t have much choice in the matter. As Tallest, Red could have just about any Irken he wanted, and as a Trophy, Purple had no say to begin with.

“Yes, such things are a true wonder,” Mik agreed. “You had questions for me?” he asked.

“Oh, yes, how long did it take before your Purple had the smeet?” Lea asked. “It seems like my Purple’s smeet is developing a little bit faster than Vortians.”

“150 days is the average, but an egg forms in the last growth period and there can be complications if the egg doesn’t come out in time. In such cases it has to be removed surgically,” Mik said.

“150 days? That sounds about right for my Purple too, based on smeet development.” She thought about it for a moment, that meant Purple had about 3.5-4 months left. “An egg creates complications?” She was glad to have Mik and his knowledge, for she’d never have guessed Irkens had eggs, nor that they could cause problems.

“Yes, if these Irkens develop the same way, in the last two to three weeks an egg forms around the smeet. It is very important that the egg passes naturally before it reaches the brittle phase. At this stage, the hard shell becomes brittle and the edges sharp, this makes it easy for a smeet to come out of the egg, but if the egg is still in the spooch sack, the sharp shell pieces can damage both smeet and smeeting Irken.”

Lea winced. “We definitely don't want that to happen. We’ll just have to keep an eye out for an egg later. How did things go with your Purple? And did he also have multiple smeets that he lost?”

“He didn’t lose any, but our labs were expecting him to smeet, so close monitoring was taking place. However, the growth of the smeet was very slow and he almost did lose the smeet before we figured out that his body was not getting enough sugar to supply the smeet. To help that, he was unwittingly releasing a mating hormone to get Tallest Red’s genetic material to the smeet, as it is high in concentrated sugar.

  
  
“Once I realized that, I was able to come up with a feeding plan. Towards the end of the smeeting, he was not eating enough and needed intravenous supplements at least once in a cycle. And Tallest Smeet Maroon is his only smeet. Since he was the first Irken to go through the birthing process, we were unfortunately unaware of the dangers of the smeet’s shell. Maroon’s shell broke while still in Tallest Purple’s spooch sack and the safest option had been to completely remove the sack. He is now unable to have more smeets, though he is still able to strengthen his bond through mating,” Mik said.

Mik’s Purple had been through a lot indeed. She wondered for a moment if a difficult first pregnancy was simply the rule for Purple regardless of the dimension. But they were here, now, today, and she was pondering something. “I think then it would be best to keep a close eye on Purple’s sugar levels.”

“Yes, I believe that would be a good precaution,” Mik agreed. “At least until we have a better understanding of Tallest Purple’s biology.”

“And if something does happen, I’m sure this one would appreciate it if he could still enjoy a physical bond with his Red,” Lea added, fully aware of how Purple didn't take well to her ‘no sex’ rules.

“Yes, at least until the smeet grows bigger and it becomes more uncomfortable to mate,” Mik added.

“So, that happens to Irkens too?” Lea asked.

“Yes; Tallest Purple will also need a diet of high fiber towards the end if he also creates an egg. Otherwise he may start consuming the furniture,” Mik added.

“Eating furniture?” Lea couldn't help the giggle at the image. “Just when I thought Irkens couldn't surprise me anymore.”

“Yes, though he didn’t remember doing any of it. I believe it was instinctual,” Mik said, taking another sip of soda.

“Hmm, that’s unusual,” Lea said. “Vortians sometimes have cravings for things they shouldn't eat, but are aware it’s odd… at least the first time they try it. After that, they often just continue eating it without further thought if someone doesn't step in. It’s indicative of a deficiency.”

“After adding more fibrous snacks to his diet, the behavior stopped. I believe it was an unconscious act of his body, much like releasing more mating scent. My My Tallest Purple doesn’t like to be controlled. For most of his smeeting he disliked his smeet, but once Tallest Smeet Maroon was born it was a different matter. Would... would you like to see an image?” Mik knew all Irkens loved seeing Maroon, he just wasn’t sure if that would extend to others as well.

Lea noted everything Mik told her, she would indeed have to watch out for this with her Purple then. To his question, she nodded enthusiastically. “You said the magic word. Yes, I’d love to.”

“Here.” Mik handed over his reader and opened the file labeled ‘TSM’ which contained A LOT of pictures of Maroon from when he was just born to the most recent images he had from Maroon at the new learning facilities with the other natural born smeets.

Lea’s eyes twinkled as she looked through the pictures. “Newborn smeets are surprisingly cute,” she observed, her voice having taken on a warm and gentle tone. “And his eye colour is unique. At least, I haven't seen an Irken with that color.” She thought it was becoming on him. “Such a cutie,” she murmured again, sounding positively head-over-heels in love.

Mik nodded. “His presence on the Massive caused quite the stir at first. Several Irkens couldn’t handle their emotional regulators when near him or looking at him and their PAKs would overheat and explode. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt, but the medical bays were overrun. I have images of Lilith as well. Oh, this may prove useful,” Mik said pulling up a video. “Zim was able to pass the egg in time and without complications and they filmed her hatching,” Mik said, playing the video. 

The screen displayed a pink tinted egg. There was hushed bickering going on in the background, but it quickly stopped as there was a cracking sound. Soon after, a spiderweb of cracks appeared in the center of the egg. From there pieces broke off and crumbled. “Exposure to air makes the shell brittle, but soft, and it loses the sharp edges the shell would have maintained in the spooch sack,” Mik explained as a little foot kicked through the hole causing the shell’s wall to crumble. 

Soon after, another foot joined in and the shell crumbled to pieces as the little smeet’s head pushed out the other side. With a full head of black hair and patchy but pale skin, she laid on her back on the table. Lea watched in complete fascination, then a smile broke out on her face as the shell crumbled to reveal the little smeet.

Off camera, there were excited cooing sounds which caught the smeet’s attention and she turned her head to look with big yellow eyes towards the camera. She blinked once before a large toothless grin appeared on her face as she flailed her little arms and kicked her legs happily. The film then cut off. Presumably so the happy parents could go pick her up.

“This is amazing. I wondered what natural born smeets would look like,” she said as she handed him his reader. “Both of them are so sweet.” She looked at Mik. “Maybe you Irkens aren't so bad, if you're capable of creating such precious little ones,” she concluded with a smirk.

Mik frowned in confusion. “I don’t think the ability to create smeets negates our species personal qualities,” he said, not wanting her to become less wary around Irkens. It wasn’t safe for her, the average Irken would take advantage of Lea-Nard’s kind and personable demeanor.

“No, it certainly doesn't redeem that you're a bloodthirsty bunch of cyborgs bent on universal conquest,” she agreed. “But you clearly aren't born evil.”

It was then that the computer chimed. ” _Tallest Red, Ascending Tallest Purple, and Tallest Smeet Lilith have arrived and are waiting outside,_ ” it announced.

Lea glanced up at the ceiling for a moment, then back to Mik. “Duty calls.”


	9. A New Law

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~on the first day of December, TwoIZAuthors gave to me~
> 
> A chapter a day till the holidays go away! 
> 
> Merry Jingly Bells Everyone!

Lilith remained quiet and subdued until the door opened and she saw Lea. Then, like shedding a coat, her energy came back. Twisting in Purple’s arms she called out excitedly. “Lea! Look, I’ve got yellow boots!” She pointed out as she wiggled her feet.

Purple had to be quick to adjust Lilith to keep her from falling as she suddenly came alive.

Lea looked up and smiled. “Hi, Lilith! Oh, yes, you do!”

Red followed the other two inside.

Lilith grinned happily, then trailed her eyes over to Uncle Mik and became subdued again as she thought about her conversation with Red. “Uncle Mik,” she began in a small voice. “Are you mad at me? Because it’s my fault we can’t go home now?” 

Mik blinked up at Lilith. “The breeding program and the training facilities on Irk are well established and the personnel is well trained, and my personal notes have been backed up and archived with the Control Brains. I have no concerns about my current absence. Also I have gained a vast amount of knowledge about a universe that I was previously unaware of. I also have had the unique opportunity to discuss medical science with an expert from Vort, which would be otherwise impossible. There are also several new projects before me that are highly fascinating,” Mik said, and at her unchanging face, he glanced at Lea-Nard. “Ah, um, no, Lilith, I do not harbor emotions of—-I am not mad at you,” he said finally. 

“Really?” Lilith asked. 

“Yes,” Mik answered simply, earning a big grin from her which she shared with Red.

Lea gave a small nod to show Mik was finally on the right track in dealing with the child. “And you sure have a pretty outfit,” she added to Lilith.

Purple set Lilith down so she could show off, while Red blinked at Mik’s noticeable self-correction in speaking to Lilith. To Purple, he murmured, “Looks like someone’s finally settling in.” Purple looked at Mik, Lea, and Lilith, then Red in confusion.

Lilith spun around showing off how it flowed and that it had pockets. 

“That’s a very pretty outfit, you lucky girl.” Lea grinned and showed off the pockets in her lab coat. “Look, we’re twins!”

Lilith gasped in appreciation then leaned close in a loud whisper. “Did you know that pockets are perfect for putting snacks in?” 

“Are they?” Lea asked, then reached into her own and pulled out a foldable PAD of obvious Vortian design (well, obvious to the adults). “Hmm, guess I’ll have to put some snacks in mine. So, what snacks and treasures do you have in yours?”

Lilith pulled out her two elastics. “My Daddy uses these to put up my hair. Purple is good at it too!” 

“Oh, I see,” Lea said. She repocketed the gadget, then reached into her desk and gave Lilith a wrapped treat which Lilith put in her pocket. “Maybe you can show me how to put your hair up sometime too.” Lea grabbed the normal Irken PAD from her desk and opened it up to the pictures Lilith had been busy with last time. “Here, I saved them. They’re very good.” She handed it to her and Lilith put that in her pocket too.

“I can show you how my hair looks! Like this,” Lilith said, and began focusing on making pigtails with her two elastics. 

As Lilith talked to Lea, Mik turned to the Tallest. “There are some matters Lea-Nard and I would like to discuss with you and some matters we need your assistance on, Tallest Red.”

Red turned his attention to Mik. “Ah, so that’s why I was called here,” he concluded. “So, what is it?”

“There are several matters actually. First, I have been analyzing the differences between Irkens as I know them and the Irkens here to better understand their biology. I am missing a Tartling’s blood sample to compare. Also I am having trouble finding volunteers to submit scent samples.” Mik’s PAK pulled out the cuff he had been accosting a medic with earlier. “This simply clips around the base of an antennae and will collect the scent particles. I would like to have before, during, and after mating scents for all three of your subgenders. I thought it would be easy since Irkens here can all engage in sexual activities, but it seems no one has plans for mating,” Mik said, a bit disappointed.

Red blinked a few times while listening to Mik. “Er… huh.” He glanced to Purple, then raised his head in thought for a second, then cleared his throat. “Well…” He glanced to each of them, then turned and hovered out the door. “--You! Come here,” he ordered after a minute or two, then hovered back in with a nervous-looking Irken dressed as a medical drone following behind him and looking as though he expected to be dissected. “This Tartling volunteers,” Red announced for them.

The medical drone gulped, but didn't correct or otherwise counter his Tallest. “Y-yes… um, f-for what?” he asked in a meek tone.

“Oh perfect!” Mik said, approaching with his reader. “I need a blood sample and do you have an Irken you are bonded with or a potential bonding partner that you can mate with? Do you know their second gender? If you could both wear these around the base of your antennae—they are quite painless so as to not interfere with mating sensations—before, during, and after mating. It will allow me to collect some of my necessary samples.” Mik said, first waiting for a blood sample and his PAK presenting two cuffs.

The Tartling removed his glove and rolled up his sleeve, then held his arm out to Mik. As Mik explained the cuffs and his next request, he looked from Mik to Red, then nodded hesitantly. “My Life Mate is a Sweetling and… --” He glanced up at Red once again, who was watching with an expectant look. “-- it would be our… p-pleasure to be of service.” Then he made a face. “Er, not a _pleasure_... well, obviously it will be pleasurable, but not a pleas- no, I mean… --” Red groaned and the Tartling gulped. “No...n-nevermind,” he squeaked.

“If it helps, he’s also actively _tarting_ , aren't you?” Red said in an irritable tone, receiving yet another gulp from the Tartling.

“Yes, my Tallest,” he replied even more quietly and meekly than before, his antennae angled in a show of total submission while he openly avoided looking even remotely in Purple’s direction lest Red take it as a challenge.

Once Lilith had her ponytails done, using the elastics to make two messy ponytails that failed to gather all her hair and were barely staying in, she told Lea, “There!” Then she took out the PAD with her pictures on it. “I want to show Purple!” She took the reader and proudly held it for him to see. “I drew pictures of my Daddy and Pops and Gir.” 

Purple looked at the picture. Of course, he didn't recognise any of them, but he liked the picture anyway. “Very nice.” Maybe he would have to try drawing sometime too. 

Lilith then finally noticed the new Irken and pulled the PAD close to her body and hid behind Purple’s legs, eyeing the stranger wearily. Purple picked her up, cuddling her protectively to his chest and stepped back to put more distance between them and the newcomer in the small office.

“Wonderful,” Mik said, hearing that he was tarting. “This will be most helpful.” He took a quick blood sample with ease and causing little to no pain. Working with smeets, it was a skill he picked up quickly. “Here,” he said, handing over the antennae cuffs. “Thank you for your cooperation,” he said to the medic, then to Tallest Red, “I will still need a Baseling scent sample.”

The Tartling accepted the cuffs and carefully stowed them in his PAK, then rolled his sleeve back into place and put his glove on. “Okay, is that all?” he asked hopefully.

“A Baseling, huh,” Red said as he dismissed the Tartling with a wave of his hand. He frowned at Mik. “I’m not basing and…” He lowered his voice and only spoke when the door closed behind the drone. “In case the Vortian hasn’t told you, my Life Mate can't engage in sex right now.”

Lilith nuzzled into Purple until the stranger left. Then she pulled back and smiled. “I'm gonna draw you!” she said, wiggling to be put down. Once she was on the ground she began drawing and humming happily to herself. 

“Oh! That reminds me,” Mik pulled out another small box from his PAK and held it out for Tallest Red. “Inside is a small sleeve that fits over your external male organ. I need a sample of your genetic material. Lea-Nard and I will be analyzing it to see if we can find a way for both of you to continue to bond,” Mik said. Luckily for them, Lilith was too focused on drawing to pay attention to boring adult talk.

“You need my ‘genetic material from my external male organ’?” Red repeated and hovered up to Purple, who had been watching Lilith curiously until he received a nudge and looked at the ruler. “He sounds like you,” Red continued, smirking, though Purple could pick up the scent of mild embarrassment from his partner. 

Red took the box from Mik and opened it. “What am I supposed to do with this, exactly?” he asked, frowning at the contents in confusion. He showed it to Purple to see, who blinked at the odd looking thing and shrugged.

“I have no idea, I’ve never seen anything like it,” Purple said and shrugged again.

Lea, meanwhile, was watching and listening to the three Irkens with an amused smirk. “Why, it’ll collect your genetic sample, your heinous.”

Red ignored her, except for the twitch of an antennae he couldn't hold back, and focused on Mik.

“Yes,” Mik said pointing to the box. “Simply put the sleeve over your male organ and use self stimulation or.” He nodded to Tallest Purple politely. “Help, then release into it. The sleeve will collect it and then place it back into the box and bring it back here.”

“Oh!” both Red and Purple said in unison. Then Purple blushed as he realised what ‘help’ was to imply while Red frowned in apparent disgust at the box.

“Not in here, though,” Lea added quickly, earning herself a nasty glare from Red. “That’s the _last_ thing I need to see.”

Red rolled his eyes at her. “Okay… and why do you need my genetic material again?” Red asked Mik, as he closed the box and placed it in his PAK. “I mean, you do realise we’re already having a smeet and --” he glanced to Purple. “-- we don't want another, do we?”

Purple shrugged, but shook his head, not if he could help it anyway.

“Oh, yes not in here,” Mik said missing Lea-Nard’s tone. “And it is generally a rule to not engage in such acts with a smeet around,” Mik clarified. At his completely unashamed tone as he simply explained not to put on a show for them or, in particular, Lilith and offered to take care of her whilst, even Red’s cheeks took on a slight tinge, though it was nothing compared to the one Purple was wearing.  
  
“But as to the purpose,” Mik continued, “One is to see if the sugar content is similar to my Tallest Red. Also mating is generally encouraged between partners as the physical closeness strengthens the bond as Union—oh, Life Mates,” Mik corrected himself. “It would also be good to know if it can assist in early smeet development by adding a high concentration directly to the spooch sack where the smeet is developing,” Mik explained, hoping this would be useful information. “And if there is a hormone that is harmful, we hope to find a way to negate it to allow you to mate during the smeeting, or until the smeet grows more. We can arrange a time for Lilith to stay here while you fill the sleeve.”

“Arrang-” Red croaked, and gave a cough to clear his throat. “Arrange a time for…?” he repeated and glanced at Purple, then back to Mik. “You don't seriously expect me to be able to do that on command, do you? I mean, even with his help, I need time to get in the mood. I mean, he’s _smeeting_.” He glanced to Purple and gave a sheepish chuckle as he whispered, “Er, no offense.”

In a desperate need to move the subject away from him, Purple spoke up. “A harmful hormone in his… well… that,” he stumbled a little verbally. “You mean he could hurt me when we...?”

“That’s what we are hoping to avoid,” Mik answered Tallest Purple. “And mood?” Mik thought a moment. “Oh! Tallest Purple, you should go blow something up. Wherever my My Tallest Purple would destroy something, my My Tallest Red would always escape with him for a few hours afterwards, presumably to mate and reestablish their bond.”

“Blow something up?” Purple repeated, clearly confused. “How would that help anything?”

Red, however, was staring at Purple, one antennae twitching and an interested look on his face. He slipped his arm around Purple’s waist. “Actually, I think I know what he’s getting at.”

At Red’s grin, Purple blinked. “Huh? What?” Not that he didn't recognise the look in his eye.

“I’ll tell you later, Sunshine,” Red whispered, his eyes still fixed on Purple. “Yes, that might work.”

Lea leaned towards Mik. “That’s called fantasising,” she said, nodding towards the two.

Suddenly Red’s antennae sprung up and he turned to Mik. “Oh! But, uh, there won't be any ‘genetic material’ in it right now.” He glanced to Lea. “He means sperma, right?”

The Vortian nodded, then shrugged. “Well, it’s not just about that,” she corrected calmly. “The sugar content and birthing hormones in your fluid are the point. - He wants to see if physical bonding between you two can be enabled so it doesn't cause your body to reject your smeet,” she explained to Purple specifically. “Unless you've finally changed your mind about your royal pain, of course.”

Whatever affectionate mood Red had started to feel was effectively gone as he shot Lea a scathing glare. “It has just occurred to me that with Mik here, we don't exactly _need_ the Vortian anymore.” While he spoke to Purple, his tone was loud and pointed.

“What? No!” Purple snapped before he could catch himself. “I don't _know_ Mik,” he added in a pleading whine. He’d just barely gotten comfortable with Lea, and the prospect of having a medical drone taking over his checkups… he shook his head sharply. “No,” he repeated firmly.

“Alright, alright,” Red sighed. “As you wish.”

“I would agree with Tallest Purple,” Mik said. “During the smeeting process, it is important to have one medical drone, or personnel that Tallest Purple is comfortable with. Also Lea-Nard shows an exemplary expertise in births and the handling of smeets.” 

Lea smiled at Mik. “Why, thank you.”

Sensing the emotions in the room, Lilith lifted her head and heard Red suggest Lea-Nard leave. Pointing her stylus at Red, she said, “Red, be nice.” As Lilith suddenly joined the conversation for a moment, four pairs of eyes landed on her. Then she looked at Mik and knew instinctively that Mik was bothering Red and Purple. “Uncle Mik, you’re being _a lot,_ ” she told him, giving him a sassy look. “You need to not.” Then imparting her wisdom went back to drawing.

Purple was surprised, he'd _almost_ forgotten about her in light of the discussion; Lea smiled warmly at her, stifling a giggle at her sass; and Red just blinked, since he was so boldly told to be nice. Mik was just confused as he had no idea what she meant.

Clearly outnumbered - by even the smeet! - Red shot an entirely too sweet look at Lea. “Looks like you’ll have the pleasure of being in my presence longer after all. Isn't that great?”

“Charmed as ever,” Lea replied without missing a beat. “In the meantime, you could learn a thing or two from Mik about how to compliment a lady.”

“You're not in the brig, consider yourself complimented,” Red shot back.

Sniffing at the two being at each other's throats yet again, Purple stepped closer to Mik so he could be heard over the bickering duo. “Is there, uh, anything you need from me?” he asked timidly.

“Oh yes,” Mik nodded to him as the other two chatted. “I think it would be beneficial to keep track of your sugar levels. Unfortunately, this lab isn’t set up to scan for that from air samples. So we can take daily blood samples, or I can create a cuff to be placed around your wrist that, with constant skin contact, can detect changes; however you would need to keep it on at all times, but it is painless,” Mik said, giving him the choice.

Purple was horrified over the idea of daily blood samples, then blinked, for he hadn't expected to be given a choice at all. While he didn't especially like either option, painless was the one that sounded the least horrible. He glanced at Red out of force of habit after years of conditioning to do exactly that, but Red had continued his game with Lea, so Purple turned back to Mik. Besides, knowing Red, the choice would probably fall solely upon him anyway. “Okay… the cuff for my wrist, then,” he chose.

Mik nodded and typed into his reader to send the device to the tech labs to make. “There are some things I would like to discuss about Lilith’s future, but I would like to work more on the drug first. Are there any questions or concerns you have, My Tallest? I will answer anything I can to the best of my ability.”

Purple couldn't think of anything he wanted to ask, so he shook his head. It was also hard getting used to his incredible title, but he had managed to not ‘correct’ Mik, so that was good.

Red’s attention had been caught once again. “The drug? Oh, yes. What do you have to report?” he asked, his tone all business now.

“I’ve managed to isolate all the individual components of the drug,” Mik said. “And that is the reason I want the blood and scent samples. I want to see what reactions the drug has specially. But to understand the effects I need to study a control group first. With all the blood and scent samples I can start to look for chemical reactions.” Mik paused and looked a little nervous. “Of course it would be beneficial to conduct studies of Irkens under the influence of the drug to measure their brain and the effect happening biologically, but I need ground data first.”

Red considered the information and nodded in agreement with Mik. “To fully test it on us, you would also need a basing or sweeting receptive around the test subject. But there’s time for that, since you're still on ground testing,” he agreed. “Do you want a sample of my blood? Since I apparently metabolised it quicker.”

“A blood sample from you would be welcome,” Mik said to Red, then looked to Lea. “Should we discuss our other matter now or wait until after the drug research?” he asked, thinking about the topic of Lilith’s fate.

Lea looked at Lilith, then back to Mik solemnly. “I think it would be wise to tell him right away,” she said gently, then nodded to the girl. “Although, maybe not with her present, as I wouldn't want to upset her again unnecessarily.” She looked at Purple. “I hate to exclude him, but it’s Red we require. Purple could take Lilith to the other room or back to their quarters.”

“Are you gonna have boring adult talk?” Lilith perked up. “I wanna go play with Purple and Mr. Computer,” she said, making the choice for them. 

“Yes, that sounds like a good idea,” Mik nodded to Lilith.

Lea nodded to Lilith. “I agree, that’s a very good idea, Sweetie, because that’s _exactly_ the kind of boring adult talk we’re going to have. I’m amazed you've tolerated it this far.”

Purple nodded his own agreement. Any excuse to leave the medbay was a welcome one, even if he was curious about Lilith, not to mention he was feeling hungry after having missed breakfast. So, he went over to her and picked her up.

“If you want, you can take that PAD with you so you can keep working on your pretty picture,” Lea added. Of course, she could have sent it to any other PAD, but she had a feeling Lilith might like the gift.

“Thank you!” Lilith said to Lea, and then bidding them goodbye (and receiving some affectionate cheek-rubbing from Red), Purple left the room.

Red waited a moment until he was positive Purple was out of earshot, then spoke to the two. “If you do practical testing of that drug, I demand to be one. I need to see what it does to me when I actually know it’s been given to me,” he said in a hushed, but clear tone that left no chance to question him. “But I don't want Purple around then. He cannot be anywhere near me. I don't even want to get a _whiff_ of his scent.” He’d report himself for an Existence Evaluation if he hurt Purple. 

Mik nodded to Red’s suggestion. “A controlled dose and observation would prove to be useful and you could report any changes as we do the same to document any changes in biology,” Mik said, seeing the usefulness of such an experiment. 

Red nodded in agreement. Controlled doses were a good idea. “I’d stay here until it’s completely out.” He was already planning to order the computer to put a restraining field on him that only Mik and Lea could deactivate (together, he couldn't intimidate one into freeing him) when the time came. It was probably also a good idea not to turn the Massive into a Massacre should he truly lose control.

Red straightened back up. “So, Lilith. Does that mean you’ve found a way to get her home to her parents?”

“About Lilith.” Mik looked nervous. “I have not researched much into returning her home at the moment. But, um, this predicament might be preferable to returning her home if certain conditions are met,” he admitted. 

Red was surprised by the feeling of relief that came over him at the prospect of not having to say ‘goodbye’ to the smeet just yet (he was also equally surprised to discover he hadn't _wanted_ to). Mik’s nervousness was not lost on him, though. “What conditions?” he asked, carefully.

“The fate of Trophy smeets and yellow-eyed Irkens has been brought to my attention,” Mik said. “I do not wish for such a future for Lilith. But if such a future can be prevented, staying here might be her best option. In her universe I believe the Control Brains will demand she be made into a breeding drone to continue experimental hybrid projects. Of course to save her from this, her parents would flee from the Empire, but life on the run is not an optimal future either. I believe if we do make contact with her parents and we have a plan for her safety, they would agree that staying here might be best,” he concluded.

“Yes, yellow-eyed Irkens would be Trophy smeets up until they turn out to be a Tartling if they do,” Red said. He hadn't considered that before, but _yes_ , she had a Trophy eye colour. If that wasn't bad enough, however, Red’s mouth fell open when he heard the alternative in her own universe and he gawked, then frowned. “So, if she stays here she’ll be forced to take a Champion; but there she’ll be forced to have smeets?!” He had to repeat it because it was just so _terrible_ and impossible to believe if he didn't. “What, are we just bent on raping anyone who’s a little special in every universe?!” he hissed as he retrieved a PAD from his PAK.

“You said it, Tallest Red, not I,” Lea said, but for once there was no trace of snark, sass, or otherwise rudeness to her tone. Instead, she was solemn. “It would appear Irkens are bloodthirsty with dubious, if any, morals everywhere.”

For his part, Red also didn't have a snappy or irritable comeback. He merely nodded and lowered his gaze to his PAD. After a few minutes, he raised his head. “But I _might_ have found an easy, at least temporary, solution.”

“Lilith isn’t recognized as Irken in her universe so, what the Control Brains order is what I have to obey. However, I am not connected to the system here, so I only now dare to ask for a different fate for her. But if you have any solutions...” Mik said hopefully. 

“Oh, so we only do that to the lesser species?” Red concluded. “Well, that’s not so bad.”

Lea half-lidded her eyes. “And the bloodthirsty cyborg is back in the blink of an eye.”

“Oh, shut up,” Red grumbled as he looked back to his PAD. After a moment he nodded and held it out so they could see. “I’ve pulled up the Wor Hol laws related to Trophies. It says, ‘a Trophy is an Irken that fits Trophy criteria, such as subgender (Sweetling) and eye-colours’, blah, blah, blah… you can just read it.” He handed it to Mik. It went on to describe in detail how Trophies are determined, from Trophy smeets to Sweetlings.

Mik read over the information. “Lilith would be a Trophy because of her eye color, correct?” 

Red gave a single nod. “Yellow is a Trophy eye-colour. But…” He smirked. “Computer, add this law, by order of Almighty Tallest Red, active immediately: only a full-blooded Irken can participate in Wor Hol as Champion or Trophy.”

The computer gave a tone. ” _New law instated, my Tallest. Shall I send out a universal announcement?_ ”

“NO!” Red said quickly. “No! It’s not that type of thing.” Then he added in a low mutter to Mik and Lea, “I don't need everyone suddenly on the lookout for Irken mixes - or thinking we’re actively breeding any.” Then Red sighed. “I think I can get away with this because it’s not going to change anything…. as fortunate and unfortunate as that is.”

Tears welled up in Mik’s eyes. “My Tallest, you would make a new law to keep Lilith safe? ...I... I will devote everything I can to finding a way to help you in your goals to help future Irkens escape the same fate,” Mik promised. 

Red smiled. In fact, he grinned. It was a smug, self-proud grin for certain, but he still was grinning way more than a Tallest would need to, but he couldn't help it, for he felt such a relief himself, knowing that she wouldn't have to suffer the way Purple had. He tapped on the PAD, then handed it to Mik, the new law displayed along with the others. “See for yourself.” 

Even Lea was giving him a sincere smile. “Not half bad, Tallest Red,” she complimented.

Mik took the PAD and read over the law as a sigh of relief settled over him. “Then I can focus on my research without distraction. Our next goal should be figuring out the side effects of that drug, as well as ensuring Tallest Purple’s health.” 

“I agree,” Red said, finally getting a hold of himself. Then, once again sober, he bent down a little. “I didn't want to say anything with Purple around because I don't want to worry him, but… what eye-colour do you think our smeet will have? Lea-Nard said it can't be seen yet.”

“Its eyes are still forming, they won't have any pigment to see even if we opened Purple up right now and took a look,” Lea said. She got up from her chair and stood before Red. “Tallest Red, thank you for ensuring Lilith’s safety.”

Red, however, looked almost afraid. “Wait… you're _thanking_ me? And none of your usual _sugar-sweet_ names?” He gasped. Then, looking nonplussed, “You've poisoned my lunch, haven't you?”

Lea snickered. “Don’t worry, Irken, it’ll be a very long time before that happens again,” she assured him as she sat back down.

“Well,” Mik looked at Tallest Red. I cannot say, there is a chance the smeet could have either of your colors. And well, my My Tallest’s smeet had an eye color that was a mix between the two so that is a possibility. Would... would you like to see a picture?” Mik asked. 

“Hmm…” Red hummed thoughtfully, imaging all three options on a smeet in Purple’s arms (smeeterie hatchling size, since that’s his only real life reference). At Mik’s offer, he nodded. “Yes, show me your Tallests’ smeet.”

“Yes, here.” Mik handed over his reader with an open file that showed all of Maroon’s smeet pictures. 

Red took it and scrolled through them. He paused at the really young ones, for it was so _tiny_. Red wasn't sure what he’d expected to come out of Purple, but it hadn't been something that could literally fit in the palm of his hand. Rather something closer to, well, the smeets from the smeeterie. “Now I see what mine and Purple’s eye colours look like combined,” he commented. Tiny, huge eyes, large head, and one thing was absolutely certain to Red: the smeet was impossibly cute. So cute that Red wasn't aware the corners of his mouth had pulled up into a pleased grin.

Seeing Tallest Red grin, Mik relaxed. “I am interested to see what kind of smeet the two of you will produce. And I will do everything in my power to assure your smeet’s future as well.” 

Red looked down at Mik, the point not lost on him at all. “Good. It would be best if she had my eye-colour…” He didn't catch his slip of the tongue in regards to Purple’s guess at the gender. “Although this colour might fall within the Champion eye colour. Only an official could determine that, though.” He handed the PAD back to Mik. “You should show them to Purple,” he said. 

“I will.” Mik nodded. “I will start analyzing the blood samples and then the scent samples when I have them. I still need the Baseling one though. But after I have finished that, we can further discuss testing the drug's effects on Irken biology.”

“Well, I’m a Baseling,” Red said. “But… er, not currently active sexually, of course, and not basing.” Then he shook his head. “No, nevermind. I can get you a Baseling, I just need to find one that’s basing.”

“Lea-Nard, is there anything I have missed?” Mik asked, turning to her. He was itching to analyze the blood samples, but wanted to make sure they covered all the topics. 

Lea thought for a moment, then shook her head. “I think we’ve covered it all. If we think of something else, we can just pester him again.”

“And I’m sure you will,” Red said.

“Yes, then I will get to work on analyzing my blood samples. When you find a Baseling have them come to me and I will give them the cuff to wear. Are there any questions you have for us, My Tallest?” 

“Will do,” Red replied to Mik. Then considered if he had any questions for either of them, but decided he didn't, so he shook his head. “No questions at the moment.”

“Then I will get to work right away,” Mik said, nodding to them both and heading into the labs to start analyzing the blood samples. Red, in turn, hovered on out leaving Lea alone in her office. She checked her PAD for any messages, then left to go and see if she could assist Mik. 

****

Red thought as to where he was most likely to find a cycling Baseling who also had a partner (Life Mate or just lover) aboard the Massive. He decided on the main cafeteria. There were always plenty of Irkens there plus he could grab a slushie or soda for himself. So, that's where he headed.

Entering the _large_ cafeteria, Red found it busy as usual (it was a fave hangout for anyone not on active duty, after all). Of course, when people realised their fully uniformed and armored leader had entered, their attention was on him. Hundreds of eyes. No, he wasn't nervous and normally he’d even love the attention, but lately the only pair of eyes he seemed to be interested in was that of his smeeting partner. With nothing more than a glance around the vast room, he hovered over to a small but empty table. (He didn't need to order at the counter like the others, for he would be served in a moment - or as soon as one of the workers noticed him.) In the meantime, he scanned the room, focussing on the scents for the telltale one of a cycling Baseling.

Soon, Red had a drink in hand and many of the Irkens around him had returned to their conversations (or rather, began talking about him, speculating as to why he was there, wondering where his consort was, as well as wondering what his reign would be like), which he generally ignored. It wasn't long before he picked up the scent he was looking for and he turned to see to whom it belonged. He recognised the Irken instantly, for they had been in the academy together as well as being from his generation of smeets. Stink. Red knew him well enough to know he would be glad to help out. Furthermore, he could always find intimate company, which made him the perfect choice.

Surrounded as usual by buddies (or admirers, rather), the outgoing Irken was chatting animatedly as he headed towards the exit. When his gaze landed on Red, the ruler stood up, abandoning his soda, and headed to the exit as well, motioning for Stink to follow. Stink waved to the others and departed after Red.

“My Tallest,” he said, saluting. “How can I be of service to you?”

“I want you to report to the medbay. There is a new medical drone named Mik who requires the assistance of a Baseling,” Red told him. “Right now.”

“Certainly, Sir.” He saluted again and the two went their separate ways.


	10. A Tea Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December 2nd!

In the hallway Lilith held her reader close and nuzzled into Purple until they reached their rooms. Once inside, Lilith went to the couch and climbed up and continued to work diligently on her drawing. “You can’t see until I’m done,” Lilith told Purple.

Purple accepted her request for privacy, so he headed for the dining room. “I’ll get us some snacks then,” he told her before disappearing. He picked a few things, including his smoothie, and looked at the tray when it came, then furrowed his brow. “Computer, I didn't ask for these,” he said, holding up one of the items and glared at the ceiling. “Are you malfunctioning or intentionally ignoring me?”

” _Neither,”_ it replied flatly.

“Then what’s all this?” he demanded, gesturing to the tray with his hand.

_”Those are Tallest Smeet Lilith’s favourites.”_

“Oh…” He looked at them again, then shrugged, deciding that sounded good after all - even though it still sounded like intentionally ignoring him to him. “Okay, then. I’m still telling Red about this,” he added as a warning, because the computer was _still_ being sassy to him despite his rank.

” _Of course,_ ” it answered, not sounding as impressed by his threat as it should have.

Purple gave a huffy sniff, then brought the tray back to the living chamber. He set it down on the coffee table and settled into Red’s favourite chair (favourite chair, that is, when the ruler wasn't taking up the whole couch, anyway), with a PAD and began sipping his smoothie while he opened his lessons.

Lilith saw the snacks, “Thank you!” she said and grabbed one. Finally, she had finished her drawing and proudly showed it to Purple. “It’s you and me and Red and the Computer!” she said, pointing to them in the picture. She was holding both Purple’s and Red’s hands and they were wearing their ‘princess’ dresses and for the Computer she drew an arm coming from the ceiling. It looked like it was wearing a bow tie.

Purple sat up and looked at the picture. First he blinked as she described it to him, then he couldn't help giggle at it. “I like that,” he said as he lightly traced Red’s and Lilith’s forms with a claw. He really did. “We all look happy.” He looked up at Lilith and grinned. “And you got Red’s face perfectly.”

“Yep!” Lilith said proudly. “He’s smiling the biggest,” she said as, in her drawing, he had a big toothy grin. 

“That’s perfectly Red,” Purple agreed, grinning.

“Look, Mr. Computer!” Lilith said, holding her picture up to the ceiling. “I made you a fancy computer.” She giggled then put the PAD down.

The computer extended a robotic hand, minus bowtie, and waved. ” _I am a fancy computer,”_ it agreed in a tone that sounded to Purple as though it was flattered as the hand retracted again. Lilith fell over on the couch laughing as the computer waved. 

“Let’s play a game!” she said, spreading her arms out wide.

“A game?” Purple asked, looking at her with interest.

“Yep a game! We can play ‘tea party’! Me and Gir play that game all the time. We need fancy clothes and tea cups, but no tea because it’s yucky. We can use juice instead. Mr. Computer you need a fancy outfit too. And then we sit around a table and have snacks and talk fancy.”

“‘Tea party’?” Purple asked. “Er, well, juice?” He already had an idea of a juice she might like.

_”What sort of outfits would you like, Tallest Smeet Lilith?_ ” A screen lowered to her level displaying a simple image of an Irken - which Purple noticed was proportioned suspiciously like Lilith minus her hair. A stylus extended from the side.

“We need fluffy dresses and fancy hats,” Lilith said, drawing herself a fancy ball gown. “Mr. Computer you need a fancy hat and tie,” she said, drawing a mechanical arm next to the image of the Irken model. On the arm she drew a dark pink bow tie and matching pink top hat. 

“ _I will begin creating prototypes of your designs promptly,_ ” the computer said.

Lilith looked at Purple. “You’re a boy, but you can wear dresses if you want. What do you want to wear to the fancy party?”

Purple got up and went over to Lilith while thinking about it. He liked the loose, flowing robes and gowns he wore as Tallest Consort, with nothing restrictive to press upon his smeeting tummy, for fear of crushing his growing smeet (a fear he had regardless of whether it was realistic or not). “What kind of ‘dresses’ are appropriate for boys to wear to tea parties?”

Lilith blinked, then said, “Plaid,” and began drawing. “Boys like stripy fancy outfits the most,” she said, drawing a fancy purple plaid skirt for Purple. “You get a skirt, because boys like to show their legs more.” She drew a purple plaid skirt and a fluffy top for Purple to wear.

“Okay,” Purple said. “Showing off my legs is kinda weird, but… I guess if that’s the custom and, well, as long as we don't go out like that,” he decided. If Red caught him, he’d surely understand that it’s for smeet games anyway. Nothing scandalous.

“We don’t have to go anywhere. The tea party should take place here.” Lilith pointed to the short living room table. “I’ll draw some tea cups for Mr. Computer to make,” she said, sliding to a new screen and drawing her cups, then handing it back to Mr. Computer to make all that they needed.

“Okay,” Purple said, nodding and smiling. “That’s good.”

The computer held it while it uploaded her designs from the PAD, then handed it back. ”Please stand by. This will take a few minutes,” it announced and retreated into the ceiling.

“Then we should go pick out the juice,” Purple said.

“What kind of juice should we have for tea?” Lilith asked, as she waited for the clothes.

“Well, I have an idea,” Purple said. “But let’s go find out what’s available.” He reached out for Lilith and picked her up, then went into the dining chambers and stood before the panel. He waved his hand over it and it turned on. He pressed the image for drinks, then juice, and began scrolling through, describing the ones he was familiar with as best he could (“Sweet… sour… spicy, I think… Red’s favourite… one of my favourites…” and so on).

Lilith picked out a sweet juice and the one that Purple said was his favorite. “Now we need snacks to match the tea-juice. Cookies are the best.”

“Cookies?” Purple pulled up the sweet snacks menu. Originally a Vortian invention, Irkens had cookies and he found all sorts and shapes and sizes. Many appeared to have donut glazes on them, but others had various types of things in them (such as fruits and nuts and other delicacies). “You're the chief tea-juice party drone, so you choose.”

“Hmmm...” Lilith grew very serious as she made her cookie selections, picking ones that were the most colorful for their fancy tea party. “I just need to make the invitations,” Lilith said. “Do you have paper and crayons?” she asked Purple.

Purple watched the selections she made and nodded, for they all sounded good. At her question, however, he frowned. While he knew what paper was, he had no idea about the other things. He shook his head. “Sorry… none of those. Can't you make them on the PAD?”

Lilith thought a moment then nodded. “But I’ll need three, one to draw one for you and one to draw one for Mr. Computer and one for me. We each need an invitation, you can’t go to a tea party without one,” Lilith explained.

“Oh, I see,” Purple said and nodded. He’d have to find a proper way to solve the no paper and no ‘cray-yawns’ problem in the future. Still, there were plenty of PAD’s available, so… “That won't be a problem.”. He set Lilith down so he could pick up the generously loaded tray. “Computer, three PAD’s for-”

Before he could finish, a robotic hand lowered and held out three PAD’s to Lilith. Purple closed his mouth and _tried_ not to huff so as not to let his unwanted ‘rivalry’ with the computer ruin it for Lilith.

“Thank you!” Lilith said, then grabbed the PAD’s and went back over to the couch to draw up her invitations. The one she drew for herself had her picture with her fancy outfit and her ‘Fancy’ name. Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston. Next she drew Purple in his plaid boy skirt and she dubbed him with the name Mr. Purple-Violetson. Violet, she informed him, was a fancy purple color. And for the computer, she drew as the arm with a top hat and bow and named him Mr. Compy-Sparkyston. Then handed the PAD’s out to them. “You gotta keep them until the tea party starts.”

Purple took the PAD offered to him. She had given him two names, he noticed, but couldn't fathom the purpose of it. “I have two names?” he asked curiously. He didn't mind, though.

“Yes, I gave you a fancy name for the fancy tea-party.” Lilith put a hand to her mouth and said in a loud whisper, “ _But it’s just pretend_.” 

“ _Pretend?_ ” Purple whispered back. “ _Ok, I can do that._ ”

As the computer accepted its PAD, it also produced the clothing Lilith had asked for and held them out to her. _”I hope these meet your expectations, Tallest Smeet- Ms. Lili-Bug-Fancyston,”_ it corrected, showing it was joining the game to Purple’s surprise. As for the tea party clothes, they followed her designs almost exactly, with only small adjustments to ensure they both fit the individuals in question and to work with the Irken material. Having never seen a real Earth Kilt, they were made from the same material as the sleeping clothing, since that had so appealed to Lilith before.

Lilith giggled at her name. “Yes, sir, Mr. Compy-Sparkyston. These are perfect! Let’s get dressed!” Lilith took her dress and went into the bathroom because it would be more fancy to change and then come out after she had her dress and large-brimmed hat on. It would also give Purple and the Computer a chance to get dressed too. 

As Lilith disappeared with her dress to change, Purple set the PAD down and looked at his attire. He’d never seen anything like it in his life and had to look at her drawing to see how it was supposed to be worn. He slipped into the bed chambers to change into it, then regarded himself in the mirror while making adjustments to ensure it sat the way it looked in the picture. Once satisfied, he assessed how he _looked_ in it and a blush came right to his cheeks at the sight of his bare calves as the cool air hit his naked skin. He considered putting on pants, but… Lilith had said for tea parties boys showed off their legs… besides, they were alone anyway, so what could it hurt? He decided to go along with it and discarded the idea of wearing pants.

Luckily the large southern belle dress was easy to change into and there were holes in the hat for Lilith’s antennae as well. She came out of the bathroom in full fancy-mode and went to the short table on the floor, a coffee table, and waited for her guests.

Lilith set up their tea table with the cups she had drawn for the computer to make, then added the cookies and, with the computer’s help (because it was heavy), poured the juice into the teapot. When Purple came out of the bedroom Lilith grinned widely and grabbed his PAD invitation and handed it to him. (She had to wait to compliment him because that was a main event at the tea party).

Not knowing how tea parties work, nor familiar with normal manners on Earth, Purple didn't think anything of it when the smeet didn't comment on his attire as he took his invitation from her.

“Mr. Compy-sparkyston, do you have your fancy outfit on? I have your invitation,” Lilith said, holding out the PAD.

The computer extended the arm with which it wore the outfit she’d designed for it. As it wasn't familiar with the Earth art of bow tie tying, it had simply made an Irken bow, which was slightly more complicated than the way one would tie their shoes.

Lilith took her own invitation and stood in front of the table, then turned to the two. “Oh my!” she said, in a slightly higher voice. “Mr. Purple-Violetston, Mr. Compy-Sparkyston, I’m so glad you could make it. Do you have your invitations?” 

The computer was quicker to react than Purple and held its invitation up to Lilith so she could see. “ _I do, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston. Thank you for inviting me to your tea party._ ”

Hardly able to believe he was being oudone in the game by an emotionless _computer_ , or rather its _hand_ , Purple gaped (and it was never going to let him live it down, he was certain). It took a couple seconds to get over himself, then he turned to Lilith and held out his own invitation. 

“Yes, thank you very much,” he began, then eyed the computer hand. “I’ve been looking forward to your wonderful tea parties ever since I received the invitation, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston,” he added, and it was not even untrue for he’d been genuinely interested for the last half hour. (’ _top that,_ ’ he thought at the computer).

Lilith put the back of her hand to her mouth and laughed with a _ho ho ho._ “You are both most welcome,” she said, taking their invitations and hers as well and placed them on the floor under the table. “Please, take a seat,” she said sitting behind a cup and sweeping her hand over the table to the two empty tea cups. “Please, help yourselves to some refreshments,” she said, and with her palm up gestured to the plate of cookies. “Tea?” she asked, picking up the teapot with the juice inside. 

The computer took a donut and placed it on one of the plates, while Purple knelt down on the floor across from Lilith (and wondered how the computer intended to ‘eat’).

“ _Yes, please,_ ” it said and held up its cup by the delicate looking handle before gently setting it down.

“I’d like some tea, thank you,” Purple said, for it seemed good manners were on call here, as he took a couple donuts. The short skirt, however, bunched up and he had to adjust it. It was also weird to touch the floor, carpeted though it was, with bare skin and there was that draft, which got worse in his position as the skirt slid up even higher than it already had been.

Lilith was silent as she focused very hard on pouring the juice into the cups without spilling. There was a little wobbling and she splashed a little, but Lilith was proud that she mostly got it all in the tea cups. She then picked up her cup and, keeping her pinky pointed out, took a sip, making loud sipping sounds. She then gently placed her tea cup down and looked at Purple. It occurred to her that he might not know what to do next so she leaned towards him and whispered, “ _Say something nice about my outfit.”_ Then sat back and delicately nibbled on a cookie. 

“ _Oh! Thanks_ ,” he whispered, then straightened up. “Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston, your dress is dashing,” he said, hoping he’d used the right term for the clothing. “And I like the sun shade… head warmer… er, thing… on your head.” And now he was sounding just like Red! But he’d never seen that kind of headgear before. It certainly wasn't a combat helmet, nor did it protect her delicate antennae. It had to be a sunshade… or a head warmer.

” _You look lovely,_ ” the computer said. _”Is that a new outfit?_ ”

Purple’s eye twitched, but he kept his composure. Stupid computer.

“Oh my this old thing?” Lilith said, placing a hand on her chest. “Yes, it is brand new. It came all the way from the fanciest city of France. It cost a bajillion million dollars. And my hat was made by magic elves that live in the oldest most special tree,” Lilith said. “Thank you for noticing.” 

“Wow, very nice,” Purple said, though he only understood a fraction of what she said. He picked up his cup, keen to do so just as she had with his little finger out (which took a moment to work out since he only had tree to begin with), and took a sip.

“And, Mr. Purple-Violetston, is that a new fancy skirt? You look absolutely delish.” Lilith snapped her wrist. “Where did you get it?” 

He smiled at the compliment to his own. He had this. “It is. It’s from the best tailoring dro- _magic elves_ within a million light years. It cost a shmillion monies.” Yes, he was doing good, he was certain. It was then that Purple picked up the distinctive sound of a hoverbelt and then…

“What cost a shmillion monies?” came the slightly nasal voice from the hallway.

“Red!” Lilith popped up, but paused and turned to her guests and bobbed a curtsy. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” she said, then bopped over to Red in the hallway. “We’re having a fancy tea party. If you want to come you need an invitation and a fancy outfit,” Lilith told him. 

At the voice, Purple gave a start and would have gone to Red, but Lilith beat him to it before he’d hardly even grasped that his partner had returned. He stood up intending to wait for Lilith to bring him in when, to his horror, the draft reminded him of his scandalously short skirt and, worse, bare legs. There was nothing for it, though, as he was stuck there. Frozen in place in mortification while he awaited his fate in the form of one very furious Life Mate who was also _Tallest_.

Red, completely unaware and on his way to the dining chamber for a snack before telling Purple the great news, was intercepted by Lilith. “A T-party, huh?” he began and grinned as he turned to the smeet, then his mouth fell right open at the sight of her clothing. “Wow,” he said, stunned, for he’d never seen such attire. (Not that she didn't look cute in it, it was just beyond even his wildest imaginings.)

Lilith bobbed in front of him. “Thank you. If you would like to join us you need an invitation and a fancy outfit. I’ll make an invitation for you. Do you have a fancy outfit to wear? If you don’t I can have one made for you,” Lilith said to Red, despite him wearing his full Tallest armor. It, apparently, wasn’t fancy enough for the smeet. “Mr. computer,” Lilith loudly whispered. “I need a PAD to make an invitation for Red.”

“Uh…” Red closed his mouth, shook his head to clear it, then cleared his throat. “Er, I mean, yes, I… I would like that.” Joining Lilith and Purple for a party sounded like just what the medic - well, Lilith instead of Mik or Lea- ordered.

The computer handed her PAD. ” _Here, Ms. Lily-ith._ ”

Red caught the correction, but took it as a hiccup in the artificial speech replicator and said nothing. Instead, he looked down at Lilith, curious about what she was doing. Purple spending a shmillion (of likely his) monies on something now long forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone would like to see what Lilith’s Drawing looks like here it is: https://ibb.co/f4dZ54x 
> 
> Also that album has more of our art for this story, but other pics may contain spoilers


	11. A Dance Party

Mik was behind a microscope looking at the blood samples when he heard the medbay door open.

Stink wandered in looking around. “Hi, um, I’m here to see someone called Mik?” he asked anyone that might be listening. “The Tallest said I was needed,” he added.

Mik popped his head up from his microscope. “Oh, I am Mik. You must be the Baseling volunteer, excellent. Here you are,” Mik said, handing over the cuff. “Just place this around the base of your antennae. Remember to keep it on the entire time and return it to me when you are finished. Hopefully by tomorrow?” Mik asked expectantly.

“Oh, hi, Mik, I’m Stink and okay, I guess I am, but…” Stink looked at the object in his palm, his expression blank. “Ah, what? Finished doing what?” he said, with an apologetic giggle. “The Tallest didn't tell me why I’m here,” he added in explanation. “But, yes, I am a Baseling, if that’s important.”

“He didn’t?” Mik frowned. “Oh, um, I need to collect a Baseling’s scent for some important research that Tallest Red has ordered,” Mik said, deciding to keep the project a secret. “I need a scent sample of before, during, and after a mating. The cuff will collect the samples —painlessly— as it just sits against your antennae and should not interfere in your ability to mate. I also have another cuff if your partner would also like to volunteer. I have Tartling and Sweetling volunteers so it doesn’t matter what sub-gender your mating partner has, as long as they are willing to mate of course,” Mik added.

Stink listened, then grinned. “Oh, sure! I’d be happy to help out. I’ll have to ask my partner if they’re okay with wearing one too, but I think they’d be willing to help out.” He held out his other hand. “So, I just put it on my antenna, you said?” He flicked one as he asked. Then he leaned close and brought his hand up for privacy to whisper. “Is it okay if they're not my Life Mate? Because she’s not. Oh, and she’s a Sweetling.”

“Yes,” Mik said. “And that would be perfect. My other volunteers are a bonded pair, it will be a great opportunity to compare the two scents,” Mik said, pleased with his luck.

“Oh, perfect, then!” Stink put the two cuffs carefully into his PAK and turned to Mik cheerfully. “So, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Just that will be a big help thank you,” Mik said. “Bring the cuff back here when you are done.”

Stink saluted. “Yes, Sir!” Then chuckled sheepishly and lowered his hand. “Sorry, force of habit when carrying out the Tallest’s orders.” With a simple wave, he left the quarters, even more chipper knowing he was assisting in something for his Tallest, which was surely very important indeed.

******

  
  


Lilith first drew a fancy outfit for Red. “Purple is already wearing a fancy plaid outfit so you can’t wear that. It’s a fork-pass to wear the same thing to a fancy party. I’ll make you a different outfit.” Lilith drew a fancy red and black striped suit with pointy shoulders, a black tie and a red and black fancy-man hat. Then sent the design to the computer to make while she finished the invitation then handed the PAD back to Red. “When you get changed you can join us at the party, but you need to bring your invitation or else you can’t come,” Lilith said, then bobbed again. “Excuse me, I have guests,” she said, then trotted back into the living room area. 

Red accepted the PAD and looked at the invitation she had drawn for him, smiling. He decided whatever it was she had in mind, it was sure to be a fun game and he’d play along.

“My apologizes,” Lilith said to Purple and the computer arm. “I had some matters. I believe my other guest will be arriving soon. Oh!” She paused then put her hand to her mouth and whispered up to the ceiling. “Can you make another tea cup for Red?”

_”Certainly, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston. Now that I have the final patterns for your designs, instant replication is possible.”_ A moment later, the hand set a new cup on the empty spot on the table in front of Red’s favourite chair. ” _And his clothing is almost finished.”_

...Which Red received in the dining room within minutes, along with instructions from the computer as to how it was to be worn. The ruler shed his armor and underclothing right there, then began the somewhat tedious task of putting on the decidedly alien style of clothing. Once finished, he began to leave the room when his eye caught sight of the PAD still on the table. “Oh, I have to bring that,” he reminded himself. “Or else I can't come and that would be a shame… wouldn't it, Computer?”

_”Yes, it would, my Tallest_ ,” it agreed, then added. ” _She will also want you to compliment her on her new outfit when you sit down, it is the rules_.” It went on to repeat what she had said its origins were. _”And her tea party name is Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston.”_

“Ok.” Then Red left the dining chamber and strode confidently into the living chamber.

That is --

“Hey, I’m he- _Tallest!_ ”

\-- until the sight of a tall, slender Irken with very long green legs and a very short patterned purple skirt (who also just so happened to be his _Life Mate_ ) brought him to such a sudden halt that he stumbled right over his own feet, nearly losing his hat in the process were it not for his perked antennae holding it on. “ _P-Pur…??_ ” He didn't even notice the ‘deer-in-headlights’ expression on his partner.

In any other situation, Purple would have laughed when Red stumbled. In the current one, though, he just stayed standing and gawked, wideyed, and silent.

“Fashionably late as always, Mr. Redston-Fancypants,” Lilith said, hopping up from the table to go and welcome her new guest. “Oh? Have you met Mr. Purple-Violetston before? Then you can sit next to him,” she said, taking Red’s hand and guiding the stunned Irken to the table. “Please help yourself to snacks and tea,” she said, taking her place again. 

“Uh…” Red gulped, his voice cracking, as Lilith led him inside. Unable to take his eyes off Purple, he barely found his designated spot. “Uh… n-no, I… think I do not… I.” Not like _that anyway_ , he thought as he began to sit down. 

Not noticing how stunned her two guests were, she turned to the computer’s arm. “Oh! Mr. Compy-Sparkyston is that a new bow?”

_”It is, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston,_ ” the Computer replied, back in character after the short interruption. _”It was the nicest activation day gift I have ever received_.”

Red missed the chair entirely and landed right on his bottom with a _THUD_ , a startled shout that turned into a pathetic squeak by the time it left his mouth, and his hat landed in his lap.

Lilith giggled when Red missed his seat, but still managed to stay fancy and said back to the computer, "That is so sweet, Mr. Compy-Sparkyston. I am so glad you chose to wear it to my tea party."

_”It was an honour to have been invited,”_ the computer replied lavishly.

While far too late to try and pretend it didn't happen, just maybe Red could still save some face. So, pulling his confidence back together along with what little crumbs of dignity he still had, he stood up, grabbing his hat, and cleared his throat, then put on his best smile and turned on the charm. “No, I definitely have not met him before. Please introduce me to this… dazzling ray of sunshine.”

Purple was far too stunned by the fact his _Life Mate_ wasn't tearing the place apart in a furious rage. That Red was practically _drooling_ over the sight instead was currently more than his brain could grasp.

After Red stood up, Lilith laughed her fancy laugh. _Ho ho ho_. "Mr. Redston-Fancypants, this is my lovely friend, Mr. Purple-Violetston. His skirt was made by magic elves and cost a shmillion monies, very expensive, but the color is just lovely. It matches his eyes beautifully, don't you agree, Mr. Redston-Fancypants? And you must tell us where you picked up such a marvelous stripey suit."

Red grinned, now finally over his earlier surprise and replacing it fully with charm. “A-ha, well, I say that’s a shmillion monies well spent indeed.” He also began to slip into his role and, though it took some doing, managed to tear his eyes away from Purple long enough to face Lilith and give an approving look at her clothes. “And you certainly _must_ tell me, when did you get that delightful…” ‘dress, the computer had said, so, “Dress?” he said, glancing back to Purple and winking to let him know he wasn't forgetting him. The hostess came first. Just like the Tallest did at Irken parties. Flirting would simply _have_ to wait.

Lilith smoothed down her dress, "This is from the fancy city in France. I had it special ordered for this tea party, because this is a very special tea party with all my first friends. I ordered the fanciest snacks and tea. I am so happy that you were able to make it, Mr. Redston-Fancypants. My apologies that your invitation was late. Oh! Mr. Purple-Violetson, did you know that Mr. Redston-Fancypants is very rich with monies because he invented hats? It's very impressive. And Mr. Redston-Fancypants, my good friend Mr. Purple-Violetston is a super famous dancer; all his shows make shmillions gijillions of monies and are sold out every day. And Mr. Compy-sparkyston owns the best tea store in all the worlds. His business made my beautiful tea set."

“It is all absolutely smashing, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston, you’ve outdone yourself,” Red said in a fancy, rich guy’s voice or what he thought one would sound like (basically a Tallest when they’re making exciting announcements like intergalactic conquest - which Red hoped to do during his reign). 

He turned back to Purple as Lilith directed his attention to him and put his hat back on. “Oh, a super famous dancer with with shmillions gajillions of monies? Well, fancy that,” he said to Purple and walked up to him and took his hand, raised it, and kissed his fingers the way he’d been doing since their Maa Ri. “Would you care to sit with me for tea and donuts?” He pulled Purple close and leaned in to whisper in his ear. _“You look so good in this, you’ll have to keep it on for a while.”_ Then kissed his cheek and drew back. “So?” He nodded to the table.

Purple finally seemed to wake up, his brain finally catching up to, 1, he was not in trouble and, 2, Red was playing right along with… and, 3, the most impossible to miss, he had tea party clothes too and looked really good in those colours. He nodded in answer and let Red lead him back to the table.

Red paused before Lilith and bent down to her level. _“Hey, you're gonna have to tell me what ‘hats’ are so I don't mess things up with this fancy dancer.”_ He winked.

Lilith nodded approvingly at Red's display of fancy. When he bent down to ask what hats were Lilith couldn't help but giggle. " _Silly,_ " she whispered back. " _You're wearing a hat on your head right now. Me too,_ " she said, lightly touching her large brimmed one. 

Red grinned. _“Thanks!”_ he whispered before straightening back up.

"Well," Lilith said standing. "Now that we have all talked about our fancy outfits it is time to move onto the next important part of tea parties, the dance party part," she said, as that was how all her tea parties ended when she played with Gir. "We won't dance on the table this time. We wouldn't want to break Mr. Compy-Sparkyston's beautiful tea sets so we will move over to the couch," she said and let them sit on there. 

"Mr. Redston-Fancypants, you and Mr. Compy-Sparkyston can sit on the couch. Mr. Purple-Violetston and me will go first." 

Red released Purple and took a seat on the couch beside… “Huh, Mr. Compy-Sparkyston, I presume?”

” _Yes, my Tallest,_ ” it said formally.

_“Psst, that’s Mr. Redston-Fancypants for the t-party,”_ Red advised. _“And get back in character.”_

_”Of course, Mr. Redston-Fancypants, it's nice to meet you.”_

“You too.”

Knowing that Purple didn't even know any lullabies, Lilith decided to save him. "This time I will sing and we will both dance." Lilith leaned in close to Purple and whispered " _just copy me okay_?" she added, as she dragged Purple to stand next to her. 

Purple let himself be dragged in front of the couch. He nodded to Lilith that he was ready (it was a bold-faced lie) and watched her carefully while trying to look as though he was at ease (he wasn't). She then began singing one of her favorite songs, moving her arms and spinning around. He gracefully followed her motions (it was actually the opposite of graceful) and upon the first spin, he stumbled, only barely managing to save himself from falling. He gulped and tried again, following Lilith’s lead - and trying to pretend Red _wasn't_ watching them and that the movements weren't causing even more draft and the hem wasn't caressing (nearly tickling) his knees.

At the end of her song Lilith bobbed and grinned up at Purple. "Beautifully handsome as always, Mr. Purple-Violetston," Lilith said, then turned back to look at Red and the computer. "Now the both of you get to go," she said. "I can sing again if you would like to dance for Mr. Purple-Violetston; after that, he can give you some pointers on how to be a famous dancer like him.”

Purple stilled and exhaled in relief, then went for the couch as Red stood up.

“Yes, you _must_ give me some dancing pointers later, Mr. Purple-Violetston,” Red said as he walked by, grinning his maddeningly charming grin Purple adored so much, then his arm brushed against Purple's as he cut his path just a little too close.

Once Purple was seated and Red stood in his place ‘on stage’ beside the computer’s hand, the rich t-party hatter nodded to their hostess. “Ready, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston.”

"Ok, first I must consult with Mr. Compy-Sparkyston," Lilith said and trotted a little bit away to privately talk to the computer as she explained what she wanted for the next song. It was a song with two people singing, one voice starting after the other. The lyrics were simple and she quickly told them to the computer and told him when to start singing. When the computer understood they rejoined Red. "Okay, follow me." Lilith began singing and dancing and, when she gave the signal, the computer joined in. Its tinny voice tried to replicate song, though not nearly as good as Lilith’s, but it was good enough for Red.

Unlike Purple, Red _did_ have some dancing experience (Vortian parties could get wild) and he was able to ease into the beat, moving in similar fashion to what Lilith had demonstrated earlier (because it was a t-party, not a Vortian party, of course), but with one or two embellishments of his own, all the while not taking his eyes off Purple (though he admittedly had a lot of trouble keeping them on his face instead of roving down to the bare green skin and where it disappeared into the skirt). Also unlike Purple, he wasn't ashamed or afraid to be silly, so one of his embellishments was a step that looked like a stumble.

Lilith was able to sing the whole song, but she almost didn't when she saw Red stumble and had to stop herself from laughing. At the end of the song, Lilith bobbed and curtsied to the computer. "Thank you for your lovely singing," she told him.

_”It was an honour, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston. I do hope I didn't make a mess of it.”_

"You did fantastic," Lilith told the computer. 

_”Thank you, Ms. Lily-Bug-Fancyston,_ ” the computer replied, its tone even sounded happy, as much as it could (which was much less than certain garbage SIR unit’s could).

Lilith turned to Red. "And thank you for your dancing. What did you think, Mr. Purple-Violetston?" she asked.

“You're welcome, it was fun,” Red said. At the question to Purple, Red met his eyes. “Yes, Mr. Purple-Violetstson, what did you think?”

Purple swallowed, for his throat had gone dry, and answered in a small, shy tone. “I liked it.”

Red joined him on the couch. “I especially enjoyed the singing,” he said to Lilith, and Purple nodded in agreement.

At Red and Purple's praise she grinned widely. "Thank you." She bobbed a curtsy. "And thank you for coming to my tea party. I hope you will all join me again next time," she said, and with that the tea party was officially over. Dropping the fancy act she ran up to the two on the couch. "Did you have fun?"

Purple nodded. “I liked the party. It was fun and it was my very first tea party ever.”

Chuckling, Red picked her up and placed her on his lap. “You were the best t-party hostess in all the universe.” He rubbed her hair. “And your designs were fit for a Tallest.” He winked, then he put his hand near his mouth and whispered, “Say, did he really give you a _shmillion monies_ for that?” He nodded toward Purple.

Lilith giggled. "Nooooo, that was fancy talk. You have to make up stories about how expensive your fancy clothes are. Mr. Computer made them for us! Just like your outfit. He's really good at making stuff. He made the tea cups too and Purple and me picked out the snacks and juice. It was lots of fun." She leaned back against him. "But I have to change now, fancy clothes can only be worn for tea parties or else they aren't fancy anymore."

“Ah, I see. Well, you three planned that out very nicely.” Red gently set her down.

When she returned, all changed, Red and Purple were cuddled on the couch, but Red’s expression was serious. He stood up and went over to her. “Lilith, Pur and I have some important adult matters to discuss and I was thinking that ‘cause it’s going to take us a while, you might want to tell Lea-Nard all about your party.”

“Okay, yeah!” Lilith said, holding up her arms excitedly.

  
“I’ll bring you to her and pick you up again when we’re finished.” With that, the computer offered Red his armor, which he put on right over the suit. Then he picked her up and headed for the door. 

“Red, should I clean this up?” Purple asked.

“No,” Red answered.

“Ok, then I’ll just get changed.”

Red turned around and met Purple’s eyes, then silently shook his head.

“Ok,” Purple said, accepting the order.

With that, Red left with Lilith. Aware by now that she always seemed to get uncomfortable on the way, he hovered up high above the other Irkens while holding her protectively (but careful not to crush her against his armored chest).


	12. Ghosts and Sex Toys

Lilith decided that she didn’t like Red’s shiny metal shirt. It wasn’t comfortable to cuddle against and was cold on her cheek, but she held on anyway as he hovered down the hall. She might have enjoyed the flying part more if there weren’t so many strangers walking around. She didn’t like seeing them, it reminded her that she was far away from her Daddy and Pops. 

It wasn’t until they entered the medbay that Lilith lifted her head and looked around for Uncle Mik. When she found him, however, he was talking to another Irken stranger. She didn’t want to be left alone with Uncle Mik and the stranger so she held on tight to Red. 

When Stink came back so quickly with his samples, Mik was truly grateful. “This will be a great help thank—“ Mik cut himself off as Red entered with Lilith, he wore something odd on his head too.

When Lea came out of her office, Lilith felt much better and reached out for her. “Lea! Guess what? I had a fancy tea party with Mr. Computer, Purple, and Red—“ she turned back to look at Red as she mentioned his name and just noticed he was still wearing his hat and giggled.

Just like Mik, Stink also turned and gaped at the sight of his Tallest _carrying_... well, _someone_ and wearing something perched on his head. “I… I think I need to stay here longer,” Stink said worriedly to Mik. “I’m hallucinating.” As though to ensure Stink’s conclusions, neither did the strange little person use the ruler’s title nor did the Tallest appear to mind.

By way of letting Lea know what Red intended, he said, “You can tell Mik I’ll bring him that sample soon.” Not that he particularly liked having her know what he was going to be doing when he left, but it was necessary. “After Purple and I have finished our boring adult talk.”

Lea glanced up at Red and snickered at the hat as well. “A party?” she asked, turning back to Lilith. “Then you must tell me everything about it!” She took Lilith’s hand and nodded to Red as he waved to them and hovered out. “So, now what did Red do?” she asked, after Red had left.

“He—“ Lilith was about to go into a story, but noticed that the pink-eyed Irken that was talking with Mik was looking at her. “Who’s that?” she asked, wary of the stranger.

Lea looked up, following Lilith’s fearful look. “Oh, that’s just Stink. He’s helping Mik and Red with important research.” She placed her hand on Lilith’s shoulder and squeezed. “Don't worry about him, Mik and I are here and you're safe. In fact, since I’m the boss here, you will always be safe in my medbay.”

Lilith visibly relaxed at Lea words as the new Irken had been labeled as ‘Uncle Mik’s friend’ in her eyes. Even further emboldening her was finding out his name. “Stink?” she repeated, looking up at Lea, then growing curious enough to let go of her hand to get closer to the new Irken. Her antennae wiggled in the air. “How come you’re named that? You’re not stinky.”

Stink watched with wide eyes as the newcomer approached him. When she asked, her voice non-threatening and curious, he relaxed a little. If he was hallucinating or dreaming, at least it didn't seem to be a bad trip. “I, um, you know... I don't really know. It’s just the name I was given. Maybe it was the last one they had.”

Lilith giggled, thinking that he was being silly, but she accepted the answer. “My name is Lilith, I was named after a scary demon lady that kills babies,” she said proudly. Speaking of names, that reminded her what she wanted to tell Lea. Spinning around she ran back over to the medic. As she ran off too quickly for him to respond, Stink gave a little smile and waved before turning back to Mik.

“You said you needed to stay longer? What kind of hallucinations are you experiencing?” Mik asked. 

Stink nodded. “I thought I saw Tallest Red come in here with, well, her --” he pointed to Lilith. “-- but the Tallest had something on his head. So either I’m hallucinating or I’ve actually fallen asleep with Kyz and am dreaming.” He looked to Mik helplessly. 

“I had a fancy tea party with Mr. Computer, Purple, and Red, and guess what?” she asked but didn’t give anyone a chance to guess. “Red fell out of his chair!” she said, erupting into laughter as she thought about it again. Now that she wasn’t fancy, she could laugh as much as she wanted.

Kneeling down to one knee, Lea listened to Lilith’s tale. “He _did?_ ” She laughed along with Lilith. “That sounds like it was a great tea party!” Of course she didn't know _exactly_ what a tea party was, but even Vortian children liked to have little parties.

“Yep! We all wore fancy outfits and I gave us all fancy names! Then we all sang and danced. Well I sang and danced. Mr. Computer sang too and Red and Purple just danced,” Lilith said. “We had tea—well tea is yucky so we had juice and pretended it was tea—and cookies and—“ Lilith cut herself off with a gasp. “Uncle Mik owes me three cookies!” she exclaimed, running back over to Mik. “Uncle Mik, you owe me three cookies!” she said, holding up three fingers. She was too focused on gaining what was rightfully hers that she didn’t mind standing next to Stink.

When Lilith returned and confronted Mik with a plight that was clearly more urgent than his (cookies! Stink understood that), he stepped aside and waited patiently.

Lea followed Lilith over. “Uh-oh, Mik, you do still owe her cookies, I remember it clearly,” she said with a smirk.

Mik looked between the two waiting for his attention. Hallucinating was a problem, but Lilith was hard to ignore. “Yes, I remember. When I go get my next rations I will grab some for you. But right now, I have to help my patient,” he said. 

“How long is that gonna be?” Lilith whined. “I’ve already waited forever.” She then looked Stink up and down. “How come you need a doctor? You don’t look sick,” she assessed, as this Irken was standing in the way between her and more cookies.

Stink took a step backwards to show he wasn't a threat as he faced her. “Well, I didn't think I was either, but… Say, are you… real? Because I think I might be hallucinating.” Then to Mik. “You really should get her the cookies first. I don't think I’m in immediate danger, I’ll just…” He looked around until he spotted the nearest exam table. “Take a seat.” He hopped over to it and sat down.

Lilith followed the funny Irken over to the bed, cookies momentarily forgotten. “What’s hallucinating? And of course I’m real. Are _you_ real?” she asked tartly.

“Hallucinations are when you think you see things and people but you actually don't because they’re not there.” That was the definition he remembered, at least. Stink made a point of checking himself - head, body, legs, PAK (thank the Tallest, his PAK was still there!) - all there. “Well, I think so. I’m pretty sure I am. Everything seems to be in place.” Then he gave a huge sigh. “I’m not hallucinating, am I?”

“It could be ghosts,” Lilith offered. “Not everyone can see ghosts, but you can’t touch them either. But I’m not a ghost.” She reached out and patted his leg. “Nope, you aren’t a ghost either.”

Stink did not know that word. “You mean the Meekrob? But you can see and touch them when they want you to. Well, as far as I know. I’ve never met one.” And he hoped he never did.

“Ghosts are dead people that can’t move on. Their bodies are gone but their spirts wander around. Some are bad and do bad things to hurt people because they are jelly that they are still alive. Others are just stuck. Some don’t even know they died.” Lilith blinked at him seriously. “I can touch you so you aren’t a ghost, but... you could be possessed.” With a little difficulty Lilith climbed onto the table and sat on her knees, staring intently at Stink. “THE POWER OF LILITH COMMANDS YOU! GO AWAY, EVIL GHOST!” she suddenly shouted, then smacked Stink right between the eyes with her open palm, causing him to fall over into the bed. 

Casually as can be, Lilith climbed down. “He’s cured,” she said simply.

Stink just laid there staring up at the ceiling in shock, not even really seeing the wires and cables and lighting. “Yay, I’m not a dead ghost,” was all he said in a dazed, but relieved tone.

Lea stifled a snicker. “I'm keeping her,” she said. “She’ll stay with Purple, of course, but she can hang out here as much as she wants.” The fact that it was a _medbay_ for healing sick or injured Irkens notwithstanding.

“Daddy taught me how to do that,” Lilith said proudly, then turned to Mik. “Cookies!” 

“Ah, um, yes,” Mik said, not sure what had happened, but decided that he probably should find Lilith some cookies (and stalk up on them) before anything else happened. “I will be right back.” 

Satisfied, Lilith glanced to Stink but he was still laying down, resting his recently spiritually cleansed body. “Lea! Next time we play pretend tea party, you should come too! Mr. Computer can make you a fun outfit to wear and you can dance with me and see how silly Red is,” she giggled. “He was the funniest tea guest.”

“That’s a very good idea,” Lea beamed at Lilith. “Why, I’d love to! I’d like to hear you sing and watch Red be funny, I'll bet he was just a riot! And you have to have the computer make me a nice costume too.”

“I will! I draw them and Mr. Computer can make them. He’s super good at makin’ stuff. And he has a beautiful singing voice too! We sang a song together and Red danced,” Lilith said excitedly. “Purple danced with me too, but not with Red.” 

Lilith gasped. “Next time we’ll have a fancy ball and everyone will dance together like this!” she held one arm up and the other out and proceeded to spin around the medbay, dancing with her invisible partner.

Lea laughed warmly and stepped up to Lilith. “Want to dance with me?” She held her hands out like Lilith had done. “I can't believe _Red_ danced! That must've been something. Pity that it wasn't with Purple, though. Maybe they just don't know how to dance together.”

“We’ll have to teach them!” Lilith said brightly as she took Lea-Nard’s hands and began waltzing around the room with her. Feeling like they needed music, Lilith began humming and sang a song from a movie where a lady was dancing in the woods with her friends.

Lea easily kept up with the little dance, even taking the lead to twirl Lilith, humming the tune along with Lilith’s singing. “We can certainly do that.”

“Hehe,” Lilith giggled as she finished her song, dancing with Lea was a lot of fun and she twirled a lot too. She then looked over to see Stink watching them. Going back over to the table, she climbed up and sat next to him. “I saved your life, you know. Ghost possession is serious business. They will suck out _alllllll_ your life force till you’re dead,” she said ominously and Stink made a horrified face.

“Then I am so, so, so very glad you helped me with the dirty death parasite! That means I owe you a Life Debt.”

“Yep! You do!” Lilith nodded, glad she didn’t have to explain the saving someone rules. “You have to be my slave until you pay your debt. Them's the rules,” she said, swinging her feet off the ledge and yawning. She was almost four, but sometimes still needed naps and she was tired from dancing. “You can be a pillow for now,” she said, deciding to use Stink’s lap as such and curling up in a ball almost entirely in his lap.

“Oh,” Stink replied and blinked as Lilith laid down on him. “I’m a pillow?” He shrugged, for there certainly were worse things she could have asked for than that. “Well, okay. I’m a pillow.” As he would have done for any friend (or lover), he rested his hand on her shoulder and softly rubbed. Not long after she fell fast asleep.

With a deep breath which he exhaled slowly, he allowed himself to look at her now that he wasn't freaking out anymore, and finally noticed that, though she definitely looked alien, there was something undeniably Irken about her. No other species (that he knew of) had antennae just like theirs. He looked up to the others. “Was she ‘possessed’ by the ghost parasites too? Or is she still in disguise from her mission?” If the latter was true, then it was the single best Irken-made disguise he’d ever seen.

Mik, coming back from collecting cookies and snacks, had seen the tail end of Lilith and Lae-Nard’s dance. At Stink’s question, he could only answer as best he could, as vague as he could. “She was, um, like this from the start.” Mik turned to Lea-nard for help, not sure if admitting to Lilith being a hybrid was okay, but then again there was that new rule Red made and it would eventually have to be known.

Lea gave an unhelpful shrug, and said aside to him, “He doesn't have to be told anything. We can always wait for Red and he can explain her, if he wants him to know.”

“Oh,” Stink replied, keeping his voice down so as not to wake her. “I’ve never seen anyone like her. Did she just get back from her mission?” he asked, and looked at her again. It was then that he realised she looked very young by Irken terms, with large eyes and a small face. She almost looked like a _smeet_ , but he knew that couldn't be right. But he also couldn't detect her subgender. Maybe she was one of those very few Irkens who never had one? He'd never met one, but there were rumors they existed and maybe they weren't mere rumors. Or maybe… “Is she part something else?” he asked. “I’m certain she’s at least part Irken.”

“She is close to Tallest Red, it is up to him to discuss her personal details,” Mik decided and Stink nodded in agreement - in fact, he figured if they weren't sure about telling him, then perhaps he simply didn't need to know. He was just a 'lowly' invader, after all, not the Tallest or even Ascending Tallest. 

“But anyway, how are you feeling? You mentioned not feeling right before?”Mik asked. 

“Oh, well, I thought I was hallucinating before, but now I know _she’s_ real… Could you tell me if you saw the Tallest with, I don't know… did he have something on his head? Because it looked like he had something on his head to me.”

Mik, a little more familiar with Earth culture, nodded. “Yes, it’s called a hat. They are used on some planets to show one's status or alignment,” he said, thinking back to the time Dib was in college and explained the basics of the game as well as showing off his school pride by wearing the baseball cap.

“Ohhh, a hat,” Stink replied, nodding, though his expression openly showed that he had no clue what a hat was. That made sense. Well, it actually made absolutely no sense that the Tallest would wear another culture’s status symbol, but he decided it was the Tallest’s business. Most likely the ruler just _liked_ it, which he knew was often the reason a Tallest did anything and that was plenty good enough for him. Besides, even in smeet academy, Red was somehow a little different from the other smeets of their generation. “Oh, um,” he added. “How long is she going to sleep? I mean, I don't mind and I’m off duty, so… just curious.”

“Hmmm,” Mik paused as he went over the data in his reader. “According to past data, it can range from 45 minutes to two hours.” he supplied. Seeing as how she was asleep, he used his reader to scan Lilith’s vials to analyze her health as well as collect data on her dormant state. “If you need snacks, I will allow food in the medbay since this is a special exception,” he said, then paused to make sure it was alright with Lea as well.

Lea nodded. “It’s fine with me in this case.”

Stink, however, shook his head. “Nah, I’m fine.” He looked down at her, then adjusted her just a little so she couldn't slip off the table. “Heh, she looks so peaceful,” he murmured. “Almost smeetlike.”

“That is a logical conclusion to make,” Mik nodded as he looked over the data. “She is only 3.9...oh, .39 Irken years old.”

“Yeah…” Stink began softly as he smiled at her, but then the medic’s words sunk in and his antennae sprung up while his mouth fell open. “ _Huh?_ You-you mean she _is_ a smeet??” he gasped, then quickly lowered his voice again. “Sorry… But I don't understand… what is a smeet doing on the Massive? I wasn't even allowed on Irk’s surface until I was _10_.”

“Well, there are special circumstances and currently she is under the Tallest care,” Mik answered.

At that information, Stink’s antennae sprung up even farther. “She-!” He halted and quieted again. “She’s in Tallest Red’s care?” He looked at her again, eyes wide, but seeing her in a new light. “So, I guess she’s probably not a ‘ghost’ expert.” There was no way an Irken under 1 year could be an expert on anything… could they? He looked back up at Mik. “Um, I have to admit something… I-I don't have much experience with smeets. I kinda kept shoving my smeeterie duties off on Zim.” He giggled sheepishly. 

This time it was Mik’s turn to have his antenna spring up at the mention of the Zim’s name. He glanced at Lea, but didn’t say anything. “Well, she is an easy smeet to converse with and she behaves well.“ He looked to Lea for help as he wasn’t good with smeets either.

“You're doing fine. Just let her sleep and, when she wakes up, treat her like a person who doesn't have as much experience as you. She’s not stupid, just small,” Lea explained, giving no reaction to the mention of Zim.

Stink nodded. “Yeah, okay, I guess I can handle that.” He exhaled in relief. “I hope,” he added quietly. “So… what’s this black stuff all over her head?” He hadn't dared touch it, but it looked attached as opposed to a disguise.

“Oh! It’s called hair. It’s quite safe to touch. It only has sensations where it is attached. In fact stroking it in a top to bottom motion has a soothing effect on her and will ensure a more restful recharge,” Mik explained as he had several conversations with Dib while Lilith slept in his lap like this and that was what he did.

Stink looked down at it, then lightly touched her hair, then petted it back and repeated the motion. It became clear that the other direction wouldn't have worked with the soft strands. “Like this?”

Mik nodded, but verbal confirmation wasn’t required as Lilith, in her sleep, nuzzled into Stink’s thigh and made a small contented sigh as she fell into a deeper rest.

“Ok,” Stink said softly and continued. It was odd, but the soft texture of her hair and the peaceful breathing seemed to have a soothing effect on him too. “Very interesting, this ‘hair’ stuff.”

“Yes, it grows at a rapid rate and needs constant grooming as well,” Mik added. “But the aesthetic benefits seem to outweigh the hassle,” he commented.

“I’m glad I don't have it. Keeping two antennae groomed is enough work.” It made sense that she was in the care of the Tallest, for then she could have someone else do it for her. Stink continued gently petting her hair in silence. 

He didn't pay attention to the time specifically, rather he just observed her. Her skin was interesting. Patchy, with green and pinkish tones. If it weren't for the hair, she could've passed off as any Irken. It was then that he finally noticed she was lacking something. Not just anything, but something very important: her PAK. The first thing he felt was alarm, until he managed to remind himself that she _was_ alive and had been full of energy and talking to him earlier. Still… he had to bring it to attention.

“Um, excuse me? It looks like she… lost her PAK?”

“She’s natural born,” Mik explained to the understandably distressed Irken. “As such, she doesn’t need one to function, although,” he said thoughtfully, “attaching one might benefit her.”

Lea face-palmed, shaking her head.

“I suppose it would. Not only does mine keep me alive, but it’s got all this cool stuff,” Stink said unnecessarily, but he liked his PAK and couldn't imagine living without one even if he could have.

“That’s just like you cyborgs. Put a PAK on it,” Lea complained. “She’s perfect as she is.”

Stink looked up, but it wasn't because of the Vortian, rather he finally registered the other thing Mik had said. “Natural born? Does that mean Tallest Red…?” He didn't dare finish the sentence. He knew the ruler had a consort, of course, and also knew how, but it hasn't been _that_ long since the last Wor Hol (not that he knew how long it would take to grow a smeet naturally, but he was sure it was supposed to take longer).

“There are advantages to having—“ at Lea’s scathing look, Mik shut up; then turned to answer Stink’s question. “Lilith is not Tallest Red’s smeet. Tallest Purple still has a ways to go before the smeet is viable,” he said. His Tallest did not keep the fact that Tallest Purple was smeeting a secret, as it was the main goal of everything, so it never occurred to him that it might be a private matter right now.

And again Stink’s antennae sprung up. “They _are_ having a smeet? I didn't really know that was even possible.” Then before anyone could say anything, added thoughtfully, “Although, now that I think about it, that would explain why Tallest Purple hasn't made any public appearances since his introduction as Tallest Consort…”

Not familiar with the term, Mik spoke up. “Tallest... consort?” As far as he knew, Tallest Purple was a Tallest like Tallest Red was, despite being a Trophy and having a bad smeethood. He was the Tallest to Mik.

“I think you’ve been spending too much time here in the medbay,” Stink giggled, then nodded. “Tallest Red’s Life Mate. His official title _was_ Tallest Consort, but I understand he was made Ascending Tallest recently, so of course _now_ he’s Tallest.”

“Oh.” Mik blinked thinking that it was all backwards. Why did it matter that he had to be a Life Mate first. Tallest Purple was, well, one of the tallest Irkens, thus he deserved to be Tallest. “The tallest Irkens should be Tallest no matter what eye color they have,” he said in a rare show of personal opinion. “Judging an Irken’s worth on eye color,” he grunted in distaste at the idea and, to distract himself, went back to analyzing Stink’s cuff data. “It’s highly illogical.” He huffed, of course not realizing the hypocrisy of finding leaders based on their height.

Lea smirked as Mik returned to his work, for she shared the same opinion. “Yes, Purple should have the same rights and opportunities to be a pain in the galaxy as the rest of you do.”

Stink shrugged. “Well, I don't like it either.” Then he lowered his voice. He shouldn't say what he was about to, but since Mik, a fellow Irken, had expressed his thoughts without reservation, Stink felt he could too. “I didn't even want to participate in Wor Hol. It was an interruption to my duties. In fact, I’m not even actually with my Trophy anymore.”

“What?” Mik perked up at that. “Isn’t the entire purpose to find a mate—which seems odd since there is no need to make smeets with your smeeteries still functioning—and it doesn’t even work?” Mik was completely riled up now. This Empire made no sense. It was highly inefficient and illogical to him. “In my universe we had nothing like this Wor Hol and still managed to conquer half the known galaxy. And at least _our_ breeding program has a high success rate with 95% of the smeeting Irkens choosing to go into a Union bond with their partners. My informational vids are at least friendly and informative,” he mumbled angrily.

“Oh, please,” Lea groaned at Mik. “Are you trying to tell me that your universe’s proposed hybrid breeding program is _so_ much better than Wor Hol?”

Stink was left blinking in surprise. Not because of the the outburst - he knew _Zim_ after all, and random outbursts were not exactly uncommon with the scientist - he was blinking because of _what_ the medic was saying. “In _your universe_?” Then he leaned towards Lea as much as he could without disturbing Lilith. “Um… is he ok? Because I’m starting to think he's… gotten into something he shouldn't have. What breeding program? What informational vids?”

“He did in fact get into something he shouldn't have --”

“I knew it!”

“-- but it wasn't a drug, it was a florpus hole,” Lea finished.

“A _florpus hole_? Aren't those deadly?”

Mik became grumpy at Lea-nard’s comment. “With the subject of Lilith’s future aside, our program at least let the Irkens find their own pairs. In fact, I have an entire vid on proper mate-enticing rituals,” Mik said in a huff. “And there was a whole part about making sure your partner experienced the max possible pleasurable. We even created PAK extensions to give out so all mating organs could be pleasured at once.” He grumbled more to himself. Then remembered what Stink had asked and calmed down a bit. 

“Yes, florpus holes are deadly, it is a scientific marvel it didn’t deposit us in the middle of an unstable universe,” Mik said.

“True, your video _did_ do that, surprisingly enough,” Lea agreed, undaunted by the distraught Irken’s tone. “It’s commendable.”

"Thank you," Mik said to Lea-Nard feeling a little better.

“Well, I have only gotten compliments on ensuring that my nightly companions enjoy themselves,” Stink said, smiling proudly, then Mik’s reveal made him prick up his antennae. “Pleasurable PAK extensions, you said? What do you mean?”

Lea snickered into her hand, then grinned at Mik. “I can see it now: Mik, supplier of love toys.”

Mik answered Stink’s first question, "PAK extensions are synthetic male organs of various shapes that attach onto a PAK tendril that can be used during mating to ensure that no partner's organs are left unstimulated. And they are not toys," Mik said, frowning at Lea. "They are tools to ensure a successfully pleasurable mating.”  
  


“Those sound interesting,” Stink said. “And familiar, actually… Well, we have stuff we use for fun while mating, usually in the form of clothing and restraints.”

“Yes, everyone knows about Irken whips,” Lea said, rolling her eyes.

“Um, it’s not just whips,” Stink said. “Not everyone uses those anyway. But PAK extensions sound useful.”

“On Vort, we call them love or pleasure toys,” Lea said, then pronounced the Vortian word. “They're also popular with unmarried individuals.”  
  


“Wait… Us?” Stink said, his PAK replaying a part of the earlier conversation. “Did _I_ get deposited here too?” Stink held up his hands and waved them worriedly. “Wait! Are you saying this _isn't_ my universe?”

  
“No, this is your universe. The ones brought here were myself and her," Mik pointed to Lilith.

Stink looked down at her. “Oh. And you two came here to get away from the ’ghost’ parasites? I hope they didn't follow you.” Then he frowned. “Risking a florpus hole sounds too dangerous.”

"Ghosts parasites? No, we didn't come here on purpose. Her parental units had a contained florpus hole and well... it became un-contained accidentally and she and I were caught up in it," Mik explained, not bothering to go into Lilith's involvement in the whole thing.

“A contained florpus hole?” Stink asked, then chuckled. “Sounds like something Zim would do. Did you know he tried to create a bio monster on Vort? I heard it didn't go well, though.” He looked at Lea questioningly.

Lea just shrugged, her experience as a doctor and midwife enabling her to easily hold a poker face and not reveal that Stink had just stumbled on the truth. Mik was not as good at keeping a poker face and was visibly startled by Stink's comment. But luckily the conversation moved on before his erratic reaction could be questioned.

“You Irkens are _always_ trying to create insane stuff on Vort that backfires or blows up. Really, you should leave the weapon production to us. We’re professionals, after all.”

“True,” Stink admitted. “Just look at the Massive, it’s amazing.”

"Yes, the Massive is the best vessel in the Armada," Mik agreed.

“I’ll be sure to send your compliments to the scientists involved,” Lea said to the two.

Easily pulled off track, Stink’s attention returned to the medic and he whispered, “Psst, hey, um… you don't happen to _have_ any of those PAK extensions, do you?”

"Ah, no, but I have the schematics I can send to you to have one made," Mik offered instead, always willing to assist an Irken in a more successful mating. He came over with his reader and showed the types he had so Stink could pick the one he wanted to download.

Stink looked through them with interest, not blushing at all. “I like how they just attach to the cables I already have, so I don't need to upgrade,” he said, then pointed to a couple he was interested in. “If possible, I would like to try a few of them out. I have a buddy in tech that owes me a favour, so I’m sure he could make these.”

Lea snickered softly. “When you do, you _must_ give Mik a full report about their usefulness. Every inventer loves feedback about their products.” She winked.

“Oh, really?” Stink asked, looking at Mik.

Mik nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, and if there are any improvements or adjustments to be made, please inform me. Or if there are ways I can adjust them to accommodate for the various sub-genders," he added. "Since I cannot test them myself, any information you have would be beneficial."

“Oh, sure. I’d be more than happy to,” Stink said, nodding. “You can't test them yourself? I noticed you were only male - sorry, hope that’s not a sore spot, but I couldn't help noticing. Oh, and no worries, it’s not a bad thing. It's probably a relief to not have to go through mating cycles all the time.”

"Oh, no. not at all. It was decided that I would not be chosen to make smeets, so I was not sexually activated. I believe this is for the best, however, as I can't be a bipartisan observer otherwise. But you could tell from my scent? or lack of? Fascinating," Mik commented.

Stink glanced to Lea, having never met an Irken that didn't seem to know all of this already, nor one that seemed to have such a strange reasoning for his lack of subgender. Stink decided that meant it was a sore spot after all. “Yeah, I could, sorry. You don't have that specific scent that belongs to those subgenders. You mean you can't smell it?” If that was the case, then he wanted to help out. 

“Tartlings have a kind of spicy scent. Spicy or even bitter. Sweetlings, of course, smell deliciously sweet. Then there are Baselings like me, and it’s mid-range, somewhat musky or even fresh. Not the unpleasant musk like old storage containers,” he added with a chuckle. “I’ve been told I smell like I came out of a shower after a good workout. Not that that makes any sense, but that’s what I’ve been told.” Then he added in a whisper, “Tallest Red smells clean in a potent way.” He doubted that made any sense either, but couldn't think of any other way to describe it. “Even when we’d been training hard when we were younger, he smelled clean. - Maybe... don't tell anyone I said that, though. We had some training together before he became Tallest.”

Mik nodded and took notes in his reader. "Do the scents change when mating? I've also heard of mating cycles. Does this mean you cannot mate whenever you wish?"

Stink thought about it. “They do, kinda. You get your partner’s scent all over you. If you don't clean afterwards, other people can tell which subgender you were with. Well, unless the scent has time to fade.” Then Stink smiled and shook his head. “No, we can mate any time. There is just notably less urge. Like, right now, I think about mating way more than I do otherwise… it can make trying to stay focused on my duties a little hard and I know I’m sending out scent signals that others can pick up on.”

"I see," Mik nodded. "Yes, that makes sense then," he said and mumbled more to himself and he went over the data in his reader from Stink's cuff. "Then this here.... and... uh huh.... hmmm." Mik wandered back towards the lab equipment as his experiments took hold of his focus.

Stink watched curiously from his spot on the table. “If the readings aren't good, I could probably ask her to do it again. We didn't mind wearing them, actually, we made a game out of it.”

“A game?” Mik perked up and asked curiously. 

“Yeah, well… it’s, um, it’s kinda silly…” Stink giggled sheepishly and cleared his throat. “We pretended that the cuffs meant we… had picked each other. She had the one I wore and I had the one she wore and… we traded.” He cleared his throat again. “It was just silly.” 

“I see, well, I would like a second reading if possible. The data I received from your partner’s cuff more closely matched that of the Tartling’s scent data I received earlier. I was under the impression that the scents were exclusively unique. A second reading would control for a possible error,” Mik said.

Stink blinked when Mik said his partner was more like a Tartling. “It is? That’s strange. The scents are notably different. Did you get the samples mixed up? Um, not that I _mind_ doing it again, I just don't see how her cuff could've given you Tartling data.”  
  
“Oh? How odd,” Mik said and looked down at his data making sure he didn’t make any mistakes.


	13. Red’s Spaceship

When Red returned to his and Purple’s quarters afterwards, he searched right for his mate. He found Purple in the living chamber sipping at a cup. Red let his eyes rove openly over the body, taking in every millimetre of naked green skin and saving the sight to his memories. Then he removed his armor and went up to Purple.

“Thanks for keeping that on,” he said as he bent down to rub his cheek against Purple's, then pulled him to his feet. “This is quite the outfit,” he commented as he fingered the collar, then slid his hand down to the skirt.

“I… I thought you’d be furious when you came in and saw me dressed like this,” Purple admitted, his cheeks growing warm at the attention he was suddenly getting.

“Not at all,” Red purred. “Well, I’ll admit it was hard playing it cool the whole time. In fact, it took all of my soldier training not to sweep you up and run off to the bed chamber with you.”

“R-really?”

Red nodded. “Yeah. And, Pur?” He cupped his cheek.

“Yeah?”

“In our quarters, you can wear _anything_ you wish, no matter how revealing. Understood?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You're the one who decides what you're comfortable in.”

Purple smiled and nuzzled against the hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Then he drew back and put on a flirtatious grin. “Anyway, um, so I think I might be in the mood to produce that sperma sample for Mik.” He took the box out of his PAK and opened it. “Wanna help me?”

“You are?”

“Yeah. I mean, this outfit is so sexy on you and I’ve spent the whole t-party wondering what’s under it. Now I’m ready to find out.”

“But I thought we had something important to discuss?”

“Later. Trust me, that’s not where my mind is right now.”

“Ok,” Purple said. “But it's just me under here.”

Red smirked. “That’s what I’m hoping.” Then he led Purple to their bed chamber and began removing his fancy clothing.

“Should I undress now?”

Red shook his head. “No. _I_ want to do that.” He stepped up to Purple and kissed him, then picked him up and carried him to their bed. He laid him down and knelt before him, then ran his hands from Purple’s bare calves up to his skirt, then slipped his fingers under it and caressed along Purple’s thighs until he ran into more material at his hips.

“Dang, I was hoping you weren't wearing anything underneath.” Then he hooked his fingers into the underwear. “Let’s fix that.” And he began sliding them down, and then off and tossed them aside. He smiled at Purple for a moment, now fulfilling his fantasy of a naked Purple, then took hold of the hem and slowly pushed the skirt up. His breath came out with a soft, slightly nasal moan as he exposed Purple and his genital slit came into view.

“I would love nothing more than to just take you right now,” he said in a thick whisper and released a shuddering sigh. Then he took out the box again. “But, we can't and we need this to find out if maybe we can later.” He moved to sit beside Purple and beckoned him to sit up, which Purple did. Red expressed his penis, the slit parting as he did so, then he looked at Purple. “So, let’s see how we put this thing on…” Red said as he took the collection sleeve out of the box and held it up. One end of the thin material was open and larger than the other.

“Huh,” Purple said. “It looks like a glove, but for your penis.”

“Yeah,” Red agreed. “So I guess it goes on like a glove too.” He offered it to Purple. “Would you do the honours, Sunshine?”

Purple bit his lip, but took it, then he looked down at Red’s crotch. The penis, though clearly erect, was partially curled, the tip hidden. “You're going to have to…” He pointed.

Red glanced down. “Oh. Well, it’s cold…” he said with a chuckle, then uncurled it and pointed the tip upwards and towards Purple.

Holding the sleeve carefully between his forefingers and thumb, Purple placed the opening over Red’s unflared tip and began pulling it down. He stopped once it covered the head. “There’s more room, but do you think that’s far enough?”

Red shrugged. “I dunno. Pull it down as far as it’ll go, I don't want to have to do this again because it leaked out.”

Purple did so and it covered Red all the way to the slit, but he frowned because the part covering the tip seemed tight (skin tight) except for a reservoir. “Do you think Mik knows about the flare?”

“I don't know. I haven't had the sex talk with him.” Red pulled at the material. “But it seems strong, so let's just try it and see what happens.”

“Ok,” Purple agreed. “And what do you want me to do to help?”

Red took it in his hand. “Just be here with me, maybe kiss me… unless you want to be more hands-on too?”

“Sure,” he said, though he didn't know _how_.

Red took his hand and laid it over his penis, his hand closing over Purple's and he began to guide them in a rhythm. “Kiss me.”

Purple leaned in and kissed him, then drew back. “Actually… c-could I watch?”

Red chuckled breathily. “Sure…” he sighed. “That… that would be sexy too.”

So, with Red and Purple’s hands, they began their mission, bringing Red to a panting, moaning mess until he released and collapsed against the pillows. Purple laid his head on Red’s shoulder and they snuggled while Red caught his breath.

“The flare didn't open,” Purple murmured.

“Yeah… but I think it actually only does that when it’s inside you. I mean, that thing doesn't have a fertilisation tube opening for it to seal.”

After a little more cuddling, they removed it, careful not to lose any of its contents, and placed it back in the box, then stripped Purple of the fancy clothing.

“You’ve got to wear this sometime when we can have sex again,” Red said as he placed it into a cleaning shute. “I’ll drop off the sample when I pick Lilith up.”

“Ok.”

After that, they cleaned up and dressed in their sleeping clothing, then returned to the living room and enjoyed the leftovers of the tea party together. It was there that Red finally told Purple the good news, that he’d seen to it that Lilith couldn't be made into a Trophy smeet.

“Phew,” Purple sighed heavily in relief as he looked at the law Red had added.

“I’ll go get her now,” Red said, redressed in his armor. “I’ll be back soon, Sunshine. If you get tired, don’t wait up for us. I’ll be back with Lilith soon. ”  
  
Purple nodded and watched him leave.

  
  


***

  
  


The door to the medbay opened and in hovered Red. “Mik, I have the sam-” he paused, seeing Stink sitting on an exam table holding an apparently sleeping Lilith.

“My Tallest!” Stink saluted.

Because he was the Tallest and it wasn't required to, he didn't answer (it was already a pleasant greeting that he hadn't sent Stink away) and instead hovered up to Mik. “I see you have your Baseling. How is your research coming along?”

“Oh, very well, My Tallest, I have all the samples but we were just discussing that the data from Stink’s partner didn’t match their reported sub-gender. I think another sample would clarify any error that could have occurred,” Mik said.

“It doesn't?” Red asked, then turned to Stink. “You do realise you were only supposed to use those on _one_ partner, right?”

“Yes, my Tallest, and I only had one partner,” he answered since he had been directly asked. “There weren't any Tartlings around.” Stink shrugged. “But I offered to do it again so he could get another sample.”

Red snorted, but there was genuine amusement in his voice when he spoke. “I bet you did.”

Stink grinned sheepishly and shrugged.

“And you got the same partner to agree?”

“I haven't asked her yet, Sir, but… she’s still in my quarters and I’m sure she’ll agree.”

Red simply gave a nod, then leaned close to Mik and whispered, “I brought the sample, but you can have it after he’s gone.”

Mik nodded. When his Tallest Red came in to give the sample he had only done so after everyone had left as well. "We are just waiting for Lilith to wake up from her nap, Stink has patiently stayed so she wouldn't be woken up early. And, um, My Tallest, should others ask, how are we to explain Lilith's presence?"

“She’s apparently good at making friends all over the place,” Red commented with a slight proudness that had snuck into his tone, then he considered Mik’s question. “Well, how did we explain yours?” He nodded towards Stink.

"Oh, we told him about the Florpus hole," Mik said. "I can stay here and be easily accepted as this was my place back there and I can be of assistance. But Lilith is... unique in appearance and she knows little of Irken culture. We were unsure how you wanted to proceed."

Red nodded. It was true. Mik was simpler and needed no explanation. “Stink will keep it to himself,” he said loud enough for Stink to hear.

“Of course, my Tallest. You can count on me.”

“I’ll have to think about that to determine the best explanation,” Red said.

“Well, you could say she’s my smeet.”

Red looked over at Stink. “Your smeet?”

“Well, you know how I am. Maybe I met an alien during a mission and, well, you know,” he grinned cutely.

“And why am _I_ caring for _your_ smeet?”

Stink giggled. “Because I’m terrible with kids.” He said it with a straight face despite that the scene he was in negated that.

And Red rolled his eyes. “It was good, except for the me part.”

“Yeah, I’ll shut up now.”

“Instead of making this even more complicated,” Red began, glaring, as he straightened up. “Actually, _I_ don't have to explain anything. If anyone asks, just tell them I ordered it.”

"Of course, My Tallest," Mik nodded. That explanation worked for him and he didn't have to remember a lie. His brain had a hard time holding onto stuff like that. 

“Good,” Red said. The only ones he would ever have to answer to would be the Control Brains and, to them, he couldn't lie anyway.

A small noise came from Lilith as she yawned and began to groggily wake up. Turning her head she blinked sleepily up at Stink.

Stink blinked and looked down, then back up at Red helplessly. “I think she’s waking up,” he whispered. 

It took a moment, but she recognized Stink and her little hand reached out to grab his shirt. She was awake but didn't feel like getting up yet, and curled more into him.

“Maybe not.” Stink truly didn't mind being a pillow, and he wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere, he just didn't know what to do.

"Oh?" Mik went over to observe and saw that she had opened her eyes slightly, but wasn't moving. "Lilith, are you feeling well?" he asked, concerned and went over to check her vitals. However, when he reached out she smacked his hand away making Red smirk, and she curled more into Stink. 

"No," she mumbled stubbornly. Mik wasn't cuddly. Mik like to poke and prod.

Red shot Stink a warning glare as he hovered over to the two. The t-party must have worn her out, he guessed. “Lilith?” he said softly. “I’m back to pick you up and bring you back to Purple. What do you think of that?”

At Purple's name, Lilith's antennae perked up and she turned her head to look up at Red. However, she squinted her eyes seeing what Red was wearing. He had his cold and hard shirt on. She didn't want to cuddle against that. 

"No," she said, grabbing onto Stink tighter. Even the thought about the cold metal against her cheek was uncomfortable and she nuzzled more into the warm and soft Stink.

Stink looked down at Lilith in surprise, for no one not even a newly hatched smeet would dare tell the Tallest ‘no’. He gulped and looked up at Red in a mix of apology and fear, then back down to her. “Um, you really should go with him. He’s the Tallest and everyone has to obey the Tallest.”

“You’re as bad as Mik.” Red folded his arms and waited to see Lilith’s reaction to Stink.

Lilith made a whining sound. "Don't wanna. His hard shirt is stooopid." She made a face. "And cold."

Stink bit his lip. “Well… but… you can't ask him to take his chestplate off. He’s _Tallest_ , that’s what the Tallest wears.” His tone was both pleading and trying to be reasonable at the same time.

Lilith made a displeased noise and looked back at Red, studying him. Then got an idea and finally sat up and held out her arms to Red. "Up!" she commanded.

“A-ha,” Red said and picked her up from Stink. “There we go.”

She didn't stay still in his arms when he picked her up and instead used his gauntlets as a stepping stool as she climbed up him like a ladder and sat behind his head, between his PAK and neck armor, her legs dangling over his shoulders. Her little hands rested on either side of his head and her chin perched perfectly on top of his head between his antennae. 

Lilith immediately started giggling. "Now _I'm_ tallest."

Stink covered his mouth as he gaped up at her, unable to believe his eyes. No one climbed up the Tallest and then claimed to _be_ Tallest. It was unheard of!

“Well, this is new,” Red commented, then extended one of his PAK legs, using it as a makeshift chairback so she couldn't fall. “Comfortable?”

Stink wasn't sure which was more astonishing: that she dared in the first place, or that Tallest Red not only didn't mind but appeared to _encourage_ it. He really didn't know anything about smeets.

"Yep!" Lilith decided and rubbed her cheek against Red's head. "Much better. You can carry me like this," she informed him.

“Good,” Red said, grinning and reached up to pat her leg since she couldn't see the grin. “Stink, if you're finished here, you're dismissed.”

“Yessir!” Stink saluted and hopped off the table, then went over to Mik to get the cuffs back. “Um, well, are we done, or… was there anything else?”

"I don't think there is anything else, but could I have your PAK contact? There might be something in the future I would like your assistance with, it would be a help to Tallest Red's goals as well."

Stink nodded. “Actually, you just have to tell the computer to call me or send me a message,” he explained.

"Oh, that is convenient," Mik said, and nodded to Stink.

“Yeah. If you need me, don't hesitate to call.” With that, he took the cuffs and left, saluting Red and waving to Lilith on his way out.

"Let's go!" Lilith kicked her legs. "Bye-Bye!" she waved to the others.

“One moment, Lilith, I’m not yet finished here,” Red said softly. “I have to give Mik something that might give him an idea of how to help Purple,” he explained. “I know you probably haven't noticed because he doesn't like to show it, but Purple hasn't been feeling well. We’re hoping Mik can help him.”

"Is that why he's sad lots? Does his belly hurt? I get sad when I have belly aches," Lilith said.

“Bingo, you clever girl. And he’s thrown up a lot. Not so much now as he used to, but he used to throw up every time he smelled snacks.” Now that Stink was gone, Red hovered up to Mik and produced the box from his PAK. “I didn't want Stink knowing that I just did what I had to do. He may be open about stuff like that, but…” He groaned. “Pur helped me get it and he doesn't need to know about that.” It wasn't that Red cared what Stink thought about him so much, but he was sure Purple would be embarrassed. “Understand?” The tone showed he’d accept only one answer from Mik.

"Of course my Tallest," Mik said, taking the box and bringing it over to the lab equipment. "I will start working right away." 

"Oh," Lilith said, then tapped on Red's head. "He needs ginger ale. It helps tummies feel better."

“Good,” Red said to Mik. “Anything else you need?”

"No, My Tallest," Mik said. "I will let you know as soon as I find something."

"Reeeeeeeed," Lilith tapped on Red's head more to gain his attention. "Purple needs ginger ale!"

“I heard you,” he said to Lilith, his tone soft so she knew he wasn't irritated with her. “Okay, Mik.” With that, he turned and headed for the door. “So, now I’m _finally_ done with all the boring adult stuff and you’re going to have to tell me what ginger ale is.”

"It's a bubbly soda that Daddy used to give me when my belly hurt. He said the ginger helps tummies."

"Oh, My Tallest," Mik caught up to them before they could leave as he heard their conversation. "Lilith's idea might be helpful. Most drugs don't work for her, so her parental units had to find other more holistic ways to help when she was sick. I had a sample of ginger ale analyzed when I heard it helped her. I can send the formula to the computer. It should be perfectly safe for Tallest Purple."

Red looked down at Mik. “And it’s just a bubbly soda?” he asked, not bothering with the fact that soda was always bubbly by definition since Lilith likely didn't know that.

"Yes, but the ingredient used for flavor is made from a root that has medicinal properties. I can show Lea-Nard and see if something similar exists on Vort," Mik offered.

Red nodded. “Do that. If there is anything, send it to us.”

"Right away, my Tallest," Mik said and went back to talk with Lea-Nard about the drink. 

"Are you and Purple all done talking?" Lilith asked, then yawned, still a bit sleepy.

Red left the medbay with a nod, then spoke to Lilith. “Yeah, we are. We may talk some more after you're asleep, unless Pur’s tired too, but for now, we’re finished.” And this time he actually meant _talking_... okay, and maybe snuggling too.

When they returned to the room, Purple was lightly snoozing on the couch, and Lilith was asleep and possibly drooling on Red’s head. Dropping off the sleeping smeet on the bed, Red then went back to carry his sleepy mate to the bed as well. He allowed himself a few moments laying with them before getting up to do some work before he went to sleep as well.  
  


In the morning, Purple wasn’t quite ready to get up, but Lilith was. Red got up and, after feeding the hungry smeet donuts, he asked, “What would you like to do now?” It also occurred to him that he should find out what her education level was and see about continuing it. He’d have to ask Mik, but he could just call the medic later.

"Hmmm," Lilith said, thinking hard. "I want to make a robot." 

“A robot, huh?” He thought about it for a bit. “I think that can be arranged. First, we need to check on Purple, then I can check for spare parts and have them sent to our place. How does that sound?”

"Yep! Sounds good," Lilith hummed, and held her hands up for Red to pick her up. He placed her back in her spot on his shoulders.

“Good, then that’s what we’ll do.” He hovered back to into bedroom. “Pur?” he called. A moment later, he heard sounds from the bed and found Purple awake, his hand resting on his tummy.

“Hi, Red; hi, Lilith,” Purple greeted them quietly. 

Red deactivated his hoverbelt and walked up to Purple, then rubbed his cheek against Purple’s before straightened back up. “Are you okay, Sunshine?” He looked worriedly at Purple's hand.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m glad you're back. How did it go?” Then he looked up to Lilith. “Did you have a good time yesterday?”

"Look, Purple! I'm the tallest now!" Lilith giggled from her perch on Red's shoulders. 

Purple couldn't help himself and giggled at Lilith claiming Red’s title, but his eyes flitted to Red to see what he thought.

Red shrugged. “She’s not wrong.” He winked.

"Oh! And I've got a slave now. His name is Stink, I saved him from ghosts so now he owes me his life until he saves my life or we become friends," Lilith explained.

“Wait, you saved Stink from whats?” Red asked.

“Who’s Stink?” Purple asked.

“Someone I went to the academy with. He’s an invader and I recruited him to help Mik out.”

"From ghosts. Dead people spirits. He said he felt bad and was seeing things that weren't there. Ghosts are like that. So I exercised the ghosts out of his body by commanding they leave and then smacked them out. He's all better now," Lilith said.

Both adults blinked and Red giggled. “You smacked Stink?” Red asked and giggled again. “Wish I could've seen that.”

She studied Purple a moment. "Does your belly hurt again?"

“It’s-”

“You're not fine, Pur,” Red said before Purple could say he was. “I told her you haven't been feeling well, you've been throwing up.”

“Oh. Yeah, that is still a problem,” he admitted.

“Tell him, Lilith, about your idea,” Red prompted, giving her a little pat on the leg.

"When I was sick and my belly hurt, my Daddy gave me ginger ale soda. It's bubby and good and helps with bellies. Uncle Mik is going to talk to Lea to make some. You'll like it, it's a special drink that you only get when you don't feel good." 

“Ginger ale?” Purple repeated the strange name.

“Mik said he knew what it was and it should be good for you too,” Red explained.

“Oh, ok,” Purple replied. 

Lilith tilted her antennae. "You smell sad. You need hugs?"

“I…” Puprle glanced at Red, then sighed and nodded. “Kinda, I guess. Or I’m just tired,” he added as he thought about it. “I think that’s it, I'm just tired.”

Lilith nodded. "You should go take a nap in the secret base bed. Daddy said when I'm in a bad mood it's because I need a nap." She paused and thought for a moment. "I think Pops needs to take more naps because he's grumpy almost all the time."

“Oh, is that so?” Red chuckled. “You know, I was going to go get some parts for Lilith to build a robot, but I could take her with me while you rest,” he suggested.

Purple shrugged and looked at Lilith, knowing she got nervous outside the quarters. “Do you want to go?”

Lilith thought about it. "I can go. I'll sit here," she said, patting Red's head. "You can take a nap and feel better and then we can play more when you wake up," she decided.

“Sounds like a plan,” Red said. He cupped Purple’s cheek. “You know how to get a hold of me if you need us.”

“Yeah. You two go have fun, now.” 

So Red gave him a kiss, then Purple slipped into his nest.

After that, Red reactivated his hoverbelt and left the bed chamber. “Do you need anything here first?”

"Oh! I need the PAD Lea gave me," Lilith said. "I put it under the tea table, then we can go."

“Okay, got it.” Red went into the living chamber and, with another PAK leg, he reached under and retrieved it, then held it up for her. “Or should I put it in my PAK?” he asked as he headed out of their quarters.

"I want to hold it," Lilith said, placing it in her dress pocket. "Okay we can go now. Go, Go." Lilith swung her legs.

Red giggled and sped up. “How about we go to the docking bay? They always have parts they don't need.” He had already begun going in that direction. The Irkens they passed once they were in the public area either saluted or wiggled their antennae in respect. He ignored them and hovered higher.

“If you get uncomfortable, let me know; in the bay, there will be quite a few people about, but I assure you they won't bother us,” he said as they neared their destination.

"Okay," Lilith said, holding onto Red. "How come so many strangers live in your base house?" she asked him.

At that, Red halted in mid air as something occurred to him. “You said you’d never been outside your home before? Have you ever heard about space?”

"Yep! Pops and Daddy talk about it all the time. In our base we have a cool room where they can make stars appear. And I've seen space in movies on the TV. Daddy says when I'm older he'll let Pops take me up to the space station, when it’s done being fixed. Daddy and Pops got in a big fight and it exploded."

“I see,” Red said, smiling, as he resumed his way. “Well, how would you like to see space _now_?”

"You have a star room too? Do you have planets installed to look at too? Planets are fun since they have all kinds of pretty colors," Lilith said.

Now Red giggled. “Oh, I have something just a _little_ better than a space room.” He made a turn and the wall slid open revealing a room. “This is just a meeting chamber, but…” He hovered to the wall. “Computer, space view, on screen.”

A screen came to life, first showing the Tallest insignia, then changed to show outside. Set against black, stars, asteroids drifted by.

“This is just a display, but that’s space. When we get to the docking bay, you can see it out of the door.”

" _Wow,_ " Lilith breathed at the best star picture she had ever seen. "Wait!" Her antennae perked up. "You can see space outside your door? Your house must be reeeeally high up."

“You could say that,” Red chuckled as he turned away from the screen and left the chamber, heading for the bay again. “Actually, this place isn't my house, it’s my _spaceship_.” 

Lilith scrambled until she was standing on Red's shoulders and grabbing his head with her little hands, tilted his head back so he could look at his face. Red humoured her by letting her tilt his head back, carefully being sure to support her with his PAK leg whilst.

"Your house is a _spaceship_ in _space_? Really?" She needed to look at his face to make sure he wasn't lying to her.

“Uh-huh. And not just any spaceship, it’s the best in the entire universe. When Purple first saw space, he was amazed too.”

"Wow!" Lilith said, letting go of Red's face, believing him, but now being too excited to sit down, she rested her arms against the top of Red's head like a table. "That's really nice of you to let everyone ride your spaceship," Lilith said, thinking about all the Irkens she'd seen. "Are they all your friends or is it like a train where you carry stuff and people all over?"

Red wasn't sure he should tell her it was a _warship_. “Eh, I’m nice like that. - Here’s the docking bay.” The door opened and Red hovered through. Inside, of course, was huge, and there were a number of small ships docked. Red held his hand out to indicate the back, where it appeared a huge door was open to space. (Naturally, it was pressurized and, as a ship flew in, a disturbance could be seen showing the field that kept everything from being sucked out.

“That’s space, Lilith.”

Above him, Lilith went completely silent as she stared with wide eyes and a shocked open mouth. It was so big and beautiful and better than any TV she had ever seen.

“Pretty neat, isn't it?” he asked, grinning. “We’re out in the middle of space.” He glanced to the side, spotting the area with parts. “Wanna check for building supplies or… shall we go closer?”

Snapping out of her daze, Lilith excitedly smacked the top of Red's head. "Closer! Closer!" she said, pointing over his head towards the big open door. "Look at all the other spaceships!" She was definitely too excited to stay still on Red's shoulder. "Down! Put me down!" she said and, when he placed her down, her little feet took off running. In her excitement, she completely forgot to be nervous about all the strangers and ran up to the closest spaceship. She patted the metal side, like one would have a dog on Earth. She turned to the nearest and very startled Irken that was tending to the ship. "What's this one's name?" she asked, pointing to the ship.

Red followed after her and stopped next to her. “This is a Spittle Runner,” he answered, ignoring the salute he received from the pilot. “Purple tried to pilot it in the simulator, but found it to be tricky.”

"Oh! A flight simulator?" Lilith asked. "Auntie Gaz sometimes comes over and lets me play that one with her. She has all the bestest and newest games and she has all the high scores. One time, I almost came close to getting a high score, but not really. But I'm better than Pops. He likes to crash his ships. But that's fun too. I like it when they 'splode," Lilith whispered, gently touching the side of the ship. "But what's this ship's _name_? Doesn't it have a name? I named all my ships in the games, except for the ones I like to explode. I'd feel sad if I named one and made it explode."

Red looked around until he spotted the pilot, who was trying to make himself look small. “You! What’s the ship’s name?”

The pilot blinked. “Uh… name, Sir?”

“You're saying it doesn't _have_ a name?”

“Uh… S-sometimes I call it Spitty, Sir,” he answered nervously.

Red narrowed his eyes and turned to Lilith. “There you go.”

"Spitty!" Lilith giggled and pet the ship. "Yep, that's a good name. She likes it," she said, using some form of kid logic to decide the ship's gender and her feelings on the name. "Bye, Spitty," she said, then ran over to the next ship, asking for the ship's name and, once hearing it, greeting the ship or calling it a good boy/girl before moving on the next one, until they made their way to the big door. 

"Wow! It's so pretty!" Lilith said. "When I get bigger can I fly a spaceship?" She turned to ask Red.

Red followed her diligently. “If that’s what you choose to train for,” he answered. “That’s what Purple wants to do and he’s begun his training…. well, he’s catching up on the basics currently, but he plans on specialising as a pilot.” Red hovered to a ship and ran his finger along it. “But for you to do that, you would have to stay here with Purple and I so you can start your smeet education,” he said as he turned back to her.

"Oh," Lilith said, looking back to the big open space. Her antennae wilted a bit as she stared out. "Uncle Mik said we can't go home right now because it's so far away. So I won't be able to visit once Daddy and Pops come pick me up." She then looked back up at Red. "Could they stay here with me instead? Then I could learn to fly spaceships."

Hard questions. Red looked out of the bay at space as well. Space was amazing. Had it not been for Purple, he wouldn't have noticed the true beauty of it. Then he turned back to the smeet. “Well, there is enough room, if they wanted to.” It was true. The Massive could easily house two more. Then he grinned and pointed. “By the way, there is a huge _pile_ of parts over there. Shall we have a look and see if there’s anything we can use to build your robot?”

"Okay!" Lilith said brightly, her antennae popping back up. She was sure when her parents got here, they would see how amazing it was and how nice Red and Purple were that they wouldn't want to leave either. 

She ran over to the area Red pointed to and began to look around at all the leftover parts. She had built a lot of stuff with her Daddy and Pops before so she knew what to look for. Picking up a part, she looked it over and either put it back or placed it near Red in one of two piles. Eventually, she had all kinds of wire and circuit boards plus some other metal casing, lights, everything a girl could need to build a robot. At one point, she dug into a box and pulled out a clock attached to a box. Holding it in her hands, the small thing lit up and started a countdown. 

"Red! Look what I found," Lilith said, bringing over what was clearly an old self-detonator that by all means should 1) not be in the pile of parts, and 2) not be working nor nearing the end of the countdown.

Red recognised it instantly and before he’d even fully thought the plan out, his PAK legs shot out, snatched it from her, tossed it into a clear spot in the bay and -- “TRANSPORT FIELD!” -- his PAK had already communicated his wish and the detonator was thrown from the ship. There was an eternal moment of nothing, then through the bay opening, a bright explosion could be seen.

The stunned silence was interrupted by a sudden clapping. "Again! Again! Make it explode _more_!" Lilith had her little claws out, wiggling them at the word 'more'. Laughing in a slightly manic manner, she ran back to the parts to look for more stuff that could explode.

Red was panting to calm his racing heart as his fleshy brain caught up with what had just happened. Then his antennae twitched and he whirled around to see Lilith was back to digging excitedly through the pile. “Deactivate all detonation systems, including ship self destructs,” he commanded the computer. Hovering up to Lilith he placed his hand on her shoulder. “If you want to blow things up, there’s a better place for that than the docking bay,” he said carefully, tone calm and firm, but not angry.

Lilith looked up at him then towards all the other ships. "Yeaaaaah. Okay," she said, stepping away from the boxes. Red felt more relief at those words than he cared to admit. 

"I wouldn't want Spitty or Voot-Voot to get hurt," Lilith said, going back to her two piles. "How are we gonna get them back to the room?"

“They’ll be delivered to my quarters,” Red said loud enough for his subjects to hear (if any had gotten over their shock enough to pay attention to the command). “Shall we return then? You have everything we’ll need?”

"Yep! I found lots of stuff. Can Mr. Computer help me with the tools? I'm not allowed to touch the hot tools at home," Lilith said. and held up her arms for Red to pick her up.

Red did not blame her parents for that rule. “Yes, he can.” He wouldn't have it any other way. He picked her up and, using his PAK leg, placed her on his shoulders and supported her with it, then turned and hovered towards the exit. On the way, he passed a couple drones and hissed quietly, “I will find out which moron is responsible for leaving an _active detonator_ laying around.” Then he left them gulping in his wake.


	14. Tak and Mimi

"Do you have a special room for blowing stuff up?" Lilith asked as Red hovered down the hallway.

“Yes, actually. We have to be able to test them out somewhere,” Red explained. He paused in the hallway. He really wanted to get back to Purple, as though the almost deadly explosion was enough to make him doubt the well-being of his Life Mate. But… “Did you want to see it now?” he asked anyway. He knew, rationally, that Purple was fine or else he’d have been alerted already.

Lilith thought about it, she wanted to see stuff explode, because it was a lot of fun but she also wanted to work on her robot. "Hmm. We should go later. Then Purple can come too. Maybe that will make him feel better. Pops always feels better after making stuff explode," Lilith suggested.

Red liked that idea. A lot, in fact. As fun as explosions were (when they weren't about to blow out the entire docking bay of your ship and kill you), they were sure to be even more fun with Purple. “Alright!” he agreed cheerfully, and resumed his way home.

Once there, he went straight to the bed chambers to check on his partner. The bed lowered at his approach and the door slid silently open. He could hear Purple’s soft breathing and occasional snore from under his carefully arranged nest and knew instantly he was fine. He wanted to _see_ Purple, but as much as he wanted that, he wanted to not disturb him even more. “Love you, Sunshine,” he whispered softly, then retreated with Lilith to the living chambers.

“Computer, we’re expecting a delivery from the docking bay, let me know when it arrives.”

” _Yes, my Tallest_ ,” it answered, and the hand - still wearing the bow tie - waved to Lilith.

Lilith giggled and waved back. When Red put her down, she crawled onto the couch and pulled out the PAD from her pocket and, lying on her belly, began drawing. However, her hair kept falling into her face. With a huff, Lilith sat up and pulled the elastics from her pocket and went up to Red. 

“Can you put my hair up?” she asked, holding up the black elastics.

Red blinked at the request, for he had never done so before and wasn't entirely certain how it should be done. However, he had seen how it looked before, so he deactivated his hoverbelt, sat down beside her on the couch and took the elastics. “Sure. Just keep your antennae out of the way,” he said as he tested the strength of the two bands. He began gathering her hair and carefully parted it down the middle, though he found he had to detangle the fragile stuff before he could make any progress. His claws worked well for that job as long as he was careful, but it was tedious. “This is going to take a while,” he warned her. “It seems to have knots.”

Lilith gave a resigned sigh. “We need a brush,” she said, then because no one had any hair, swiped to a fresh page on her PAD and drew a picture of one. “Like this.” She held it up for Red to see.

Red looked at the picture. “A-ha… can I just..?” He had a few ideas for her design based on what he’d just experienced with her hair, and held his hand out for the PAD.

“Okay,” Lilith handed it over, curious to what he wanted to change.

Red took the PAD and stylus and began sketching his idea beside her design, with details about materials and functions. It would need a number of thin ‘fingers’ that were blunt so as not to cut her hair or scratch her head and should be firm enough to pull through the hair. He soon had his design and turned the PAD to her so she could see. “This should do it.” It also had a sleek aesthetic that he thought would be cool as well as good in the hand. It had typical Irken colours of magenta and purple, but he also added yellow trim because she seemed to like the colour.

“I like it lots!” Lilith said approvingly. “You’re good at making stuff! You should do that as a job. Then you can stay home and play with me and Purple all day.” 

“You think I am?” Red asked, grinning. “I like designing things to be practical and nice to look at. I designed the bed,” he couldn't help boasting. “Unfortunately, the ‘job’ I have now isn't one I can just quit. I have to do it,” he explained, but then grinned. “Anyway, if you like it, then --” he tapped and swiped, sending the design to the computer to start working on. “-- there we go. - Wait! Computer, don't start yet!” he commanded suddenly, and quickly scribbled something on the PAD, then made the same motions to send it. “Now you can start.” He winked at Lilith. “A little surprise.”

Her eyes lit up at the mention of a surprise. “What is it?” she asked, laying down in his lap to look up at him.

Red grinned. “You’ll have to wait and see. It’s a _surprise_. In the meantime, perhaps we should consider de-”

” _Hair detangler design for Lilith is finished_ ,” the computer announced. Its robotic hand, still wearing the bow tie, presented it to Lilith. The surprise was that it had her name on it in beautiful and fancy lettering. In gold (the computer may have added it’s own embellishment to Red’s version).

Lilith held it up high above her head like an epic sword and gasped at how pretty it was. “It’s got my name on it! In pretty gold letters!” She marveled as her name sparkled in the light. “Thank you!” Lilith ran into Red to glomp him with a big hug, but his armored skirt was hard and she bumped her head in her overzealousness and fell back onto the floor on her butt. She scowled at Red’s skirt as she rubbed her forehead, then looked up at him. “Your clothes are too hard.”  
  


Red got up and removed his armor, the computer taking the parts, and he stood in his underclothes. “Better?” 

“Much better!” Lilith said, nodding. 

  
“Is your job being a knight? Only knights wear metal clothes and it isn’t very good for them either. Metal can’t stop bullets. I saw that on TV. You should wear clothes made out of kevin instead. It’s stronger than metal but softer too. I watched a show about it with Daddy,” she told him, not mad at him that his skirt was not friendly, she just didn’t like it back. She then held up her brush to Red. “You can brush my hair now.”

When Red was given the hair detangler, he had to check it out himself. The computer had done a great job replicating his design, and it had indeed done her name in nice lettering as he’d wanted. Then he began brushing her hair. Her tangles were many, but not as bad as he’d originally thought and the brush made easy work of them. Finally, he could part her hair and put her elastics in. (He made a note to get better ones, as these required looping and couldn't be secured against her head without pulling and they were sure to slip). 

“A ‘night’? No, I’m not a night and bullets are outdated. No one uses bullets anymore.” That was a way old thing, why would her Irken parent have told her about something as old as bullets? “You're the one who ran into me at full power. This isn't just metal,” he said, running his finger over his chestplate. “It’s adamantium. The hardest metal in the universe.” 

Lilith rubbed her forehead. “I could have told you that,” she mumbled. 

“It will stop bullets and quite a few other things.” Like minor explosions. “It’s slightly flexible,” Red explained as he worked. The end result of her hairstyle wasn't perfect to his tastes, but for the meantime, it would suffice. He hoped he did it right. But her hair was out of her face. “I'm the Tallest, I rule over everything. It’s pretty neat when it’s not boring.” When he wasn't being pummeled with boring questions about snack colours.

“So you’re the boss? Of everyone?”

“Yep,” he replied. “That’s it.” He was. The boss of _everyone_. “Except for Purple,” he added. A lie, of course, because he legally was in all ways, but he didn't feel that way. Purple was as tall as him as well as being his partner.

“Right, ‘cause Purple is your boss, just like Daddy is Pop’s boss, though it’s a secret from Pops,” Lilith added.

Red chuckled. “Sounds about right; just, in this case, Purple’s the one who doesn't seem to know this.” 

Lilith nodded and sat with Red on the couch to draw out what she wanted to make with all the parts she picked out today. Soon after, Purple came out to sit in the living room with them. Since he was up, Red let them relax while he left to do some work on the Massive and look into how an old _active_ detinator found its way into his hangar. Lilith entertained herself and Purple with her drawings and ate snacks while Purple had his smoothies and did a little more work on his lessons.

  
Red returned in the evening to join them for dinner, or well, join Lilith for dinner as the smell of food made Purple nauseous and he decided to go to bed early. In the morning, Red was awoken by a gentle tapping to his face from a hungry smeet. 

  
  
“Red, breakfast?” Lilith whispered.

  
  
Yawning, Red nodded. Eager to eat, Lilith crawled out first, completed her morning business, and tottered into the dining area to have tasty donuts. While eating, she showed Red her drawings from the day before. 

“ _The docking bay delivery has arrived,”_ the Computer announced. _“Shall I let them in, my Tallest?_ ”

The last thing Red wanted was a bunch of smallers entering his and Purple’s private quarters. But even worse would be to have to carry it in himself. So… “Yes. They should bring the stuff here.” ’ _They had better be quiet’_ , he thought to himself.

He heard the doors open and soon a number of drones came in carrying the parts. Lilith hid behind the arm of the couch, peeking at them occasionally as they brought in all her parts. The first one, with his armful, looked at him expectantly, and Red pointed to the floor in the middle of the room without a word. The drone set his pile down (all of two pieces, Red did the Irken version of face palming, which meant his antennae twitched and he hissed) and the drone hurried off. It took a couple more before they clearly got what they were to do (come in, put it down there, and leave before they upset the Tallest further), but then it worked out smoothly and Red only had to deal with two that, separately, paused to look around before realizing they needed to leave again (via an extra hiss from him).

After that, Red swore to himself he’d find an alternative to letting anyone else in. It wasn't his own private space he was worried about, it was that he had both Lilith and his smeeting, sleeping mate. 

Once the drones were gone, Lilith popped up and climbed down to take a look. With a sigh she realized that they mixed up her piles. She’d have to sort them back into the two she had before.

Red settled back, watching Lilith tinker. “If you want my help with anything, just ask.”

“I know how the pieces fit together and what wires want to be friends, I just can’t use the hot tools,” Lilith said as she continued her work. After a while she had her two piles sorted again. One pile she completely ignored and sat in front of the other, picking up some circuit boards and inner wiring. She hummed to herself as she pulled the wires around. 

“Here,” she said, holding down a wire in place. “It wants to be friends with the piece here,” she waited for the Computer to help solder the pieces in place. Once done, she continued pulling wires and pieces together, telling the computer what parts wanted to live next to each other or be friends with other parts. She kept going until she had the very rudimentary, but seemingly functioning insides of a robot about as big as herself.

Purple came in yawning and - carefully stepping around the parts and Lilith, though blinking at them - he went up to Red. “Red, is it alright if Tak comes to visit?”

Still lounging comfortably against the couch, Red looked up. “Morning, Sunshine.” He beckoned Purple to come to him and Purple did. “You don't need to _ask_ me if you can have visitors. Go ahead and do it.”

Purple sat down on the couch beside Red and cuddled up against him. “I just don't want to do anything you don't want.”

“Then quit asking me if you can do stuff you want to. Pur, you're my Life Mate, not my slave.”

“Stink is a slave,” Lilith piped up from the floor as she had the computer help her weld the outer casing together for her robot. “My slave, ‘cause I saved his life, but he’s not a slave right now ‘cause he has to go to work.”

“See?” Red said with a smug grin to his mate. “Even she gets it.” Then he squeezed Purple affectionately. “Stink is a slave, Lilith’s slave, and you're not. In fact, we both decided you're _my_ boss.”

“That’s ridiculous. You're _Tallest_.”

“And you're Ascending Tallest, but we’re at _home_ and rank doesn't matter here. Not between you and me.”

"Yep, Purple is like Daddy, and Red is like Pops," Lilith said, but immediately grimaced and gave Red a 'sorry' look. Even in her little smeet heart, she knew that wasn't a fair comparison. "But Red listens a lot better than Pops." Lilith let out a heavy sigh. "Pops is working on his listening skills," she said the words like they had been repeated to her several times, and they had, by Daddy in his patient voice.

Red gave Purple a playful nudge. “I listen good.”

Purple laid his head on Red’s shoulder. Yes, Red was a good listener and it meant a lot to Purple. “She’s right,” he said and Red beamed.

“ _My Tallest, Tak has arrived,_ ” the computer suddenly announced.

“Let her in,” Red commanded. “And, computer? When Purple invites someone over, you can just let them in right away.” Then he thought about it. “Well, Tak and Lea-Nard, anyway.”

” _Yes, my Tallest_ ,” it said with an audible sigh.

Lilith heard the door open and stopped working on her robot for Mr. Computer to scurry over to the couch and climb in between Red and Purple. A _stranger_ was coming in, but if Purple invited them over they had to be nice, so she didn't try to hide. She just wanted to be close to them just in case.

Purple instinctively wrapped his arms around Lilith protectively and Red reached down and brushed the backs of his fingers against her head.

“Hi, Purple. Hi, my Tallest,” Tak greeted them as she wandered in, then her eyes fell on the third Irken between them. “Wow, that was certainly faster than I expected.”

“Huh?” Purple asked.

“Your smeet,” Tak said, smirking. “Couldn't wait to have it already? I don't blame you after all that throwing up.”

“Oh, no… this isn't my… I mean, I’m still smeeting,” Purple said.

“Then who’s that?”

“Lilith, meet Tak; Tak, Lilith,” Red introduced them. “Tak and Purple grew up together,” he explained to Lilith, and then to Tak he said, “We’re looking after her until we can find her real parents.”

"Are you friends with Purple?" Lilith asked, feeling assured by Purple and Red. 

“Most of the time,” Tak answered. “Except when we have to fight over who gets the last snack.”

Purple giggled and nodded. “Yeah, when we were allowed snacks,” he added.

“Yes, those very few and rare times,” Tak agreed. “We were allowed so few snacks that we had to _steal_ them from Lem,” she told Lilith.

“Yeah, that was fun until we got caught,” Purple added dreamily.

“It was still fun after that too,” Tak said.

“Hear that, Lilith?” Red said. “I married a _snack thief_.”

Lilith giggled. Then glanced at Red coyly. "It's only stealing if you get caught," she said, having much experience sneaking snacks when her parents weren't looking. She usually got away with it as long as she didn't try to hide them _from_ her Pops. He was really good at finding them. 

"I gotta finish my Mr. Robot," Lilith said, then climbed off the couch and went back to work.

Red laughed. “I really like this smeet,” he said, grinning, to Purple.

“You would,” Purple said softly. “You like rule-breakers.”

“True, true,” Red admitted. “And snack thieves.” He squeezed Purple.

Tak ignored them and looked at Lilith instead. “You're building a robot?”

"Yep!" She leaned in close to Tak and whispered, " _This one is for Mr. Computer so he can plug into it and play with me, but don't tell him it's a surprise_ ," she said, pointing to the nearly finished one. 

"This is going to be a super hard robot friend to make." Lilith pointed to the other pile. "Making batteries work is hard. Mr. Robot only needs to be plugged in. Do you wanna play with me and build too?" Lilith asked Tak, seeing that she looked interested. "You can start the hard one and after I'm done with this one, I can help build too."

“That sounds like a great idea,” Tak replied, too excited to question ‘surprising’ the ship’s AI. “I've read all about building robots and I can install a power source. We just need to ask Tallest Red to let us have one. A new one preferably.”

“Well, looks like the girls are going to be busy for a while,” Red observed. As Tak’s teacher, he was aware of her fascination with building things. Those were the lessons and tests she always aced. “So, what should the boys do?”

Purple shrugged. Sex, of course, wasn't an option either would consider with everyone in their quarters (even if they could go hide in their bedroom and lock the door for privacy). “We can just cuddle,” he suggested, pulling his feet up onto the couch.

“I like that plan,” Red purred as he pulled Purple into his lap.

Lilith put the finishing touches on her robot, then set it aside. She would show Mr. Computer after they were done. Squatting next to Tak, Lilith made the delightful discovery that Tak was able to use the hot tools. Giving out pointers about which wires wanted to be friends and which parts wanted to be next to each other, Lilith was able to guide Tak away from the traditional robot SIR unit. The one they were making walked on four legs instead of two.

Tak enjoyed it immensely, and being creative - _different_ from the norm - was even better than building yet another SIR unit. She enjoyed Lilith’s bold designs, straying from what was typical. It let Tak’s own imagination free and she began to make suggestions as well.

Lilith liked this lady a lot. She was fun to build stuff with. Soon enough they had finished everything but adding in the power source. “Red, we need a battery,” Lilith told him, then turned to Tak. “Before we put in the battery, you have to kiss the robot and make a wish or else it won’t come to life.”

“I have to _kiss_ it?” Tak asked incredulously.

“Yep,” Red said. “Better listen to Lilith or else no battery.”

Tak gave a heavy sigh. “Oh, alright.” She gave in and kissed it.

“Computer,” Red said, smirking. “Give Lilith a SIR power module. One of the new ones.”

“ _Yes, my Tallest_ ,” it answered and shortly the hand came down and held a package out to Lilith. _“One power module fresh from Vort.”_

“Thank you!” Lilith said, taking the fancy battery. She closed her eyes and placed it to her forehead, her lips moving in a silent secret message to the battery. Then she passed it to Tak so she could install it. When the red eyes lit up Lilith threw up her hands. “Happy Activation Day, Mimi! Say hello to your Mommy, Tak!”

Tak gasped. “For me? You made a SIR unit for me?” She grinned wide. “That’s the second nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me!” Red pardoning her from deactivation did have to count as the first. “Thank you, Lilith. To repay you, I will help you with building things whenever you wish.”

“You are Purple’s friend and he is my friend and now you’re my friend too! Friends do nice things for each other. Besides,” Lilith said, petting Mimi’s head. “That’s what Mimi wants. She likes you the best.” And to prove her point, Mimi got up and head butted Tak’s hand for a pet.

“I see. It’s nice to have friends.” Tak smiled at Lilith, then petted Mimi’s head. “Mimi? I like that name.”

“Even though it was a joint project, I think I’ll add that as a credit to Tak’s training,” Red said thoughtfully.

“And Lilith’s too,” Purple said. “I mean, she did most of the work.”

“Of course,” Red agreed. He leaned in to whisper into Purple’s earhole. “Later, remind me to show you something.” His whisper was so serious that Purple blinked.

“Okay,” Purple said softly.

“Now...” Lilith said, holding up her first robot which had a more traditional sir unit look with some aesthetic differences. “Ta da! Mr. Computer, I made this for you! Plug in here,” she pointed to a port on the back of the head. “And then we can play together!” She beamed proudly at the ceiling.

“Yes, Computer, do it,” Red commanded when nothing happened at first. A cable snaked out of the wall and plugged into the port Lilith indicated.

” _I’m alive!_ ” it exclaimed as it tested out the body. ” _Hello, Lilith_.” It waved to her. ” _Tak, Mimi._ ” It turned around and waved to Red and Purple. ” _My Tallests_.”

Lilith fell over herself laughing at the Computer. After it finished saying hello, Lilith took the computer’s hand and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Yep! Perfect!” she said, taking his hand.

“Hello, Computer,” Tak greeted it.

“Hi,” Purple said, then yawned and closed his eyes as he nuzzled Red’s chest and slipped his head beneath his partner’s chin.

Red simply raised his hand in greeting to the computer. Then, with a cheek rub to Purple, Red leaned back against the couch. Lilith rubbed her eyes and yawed.

  
“Sleepy?” Purple asked her, yawning again himself.  
  


Lilith nodded and crawled onto the couch to snuggle in his lap.

  
“It’s late, my Tallest, Purple, I’ll take my leave,” Tak said. They had been working for hours on the ‘bots and even she was getting weary.

  
“Can you come back to play tomorrow morning?” Lilith asked, liking Tak a lot and wanting to spend more time with her. 

Tak looked to Purple and Purple looked to Red.

  
  
“I told you, Sunshine, you can have anyone you want over,” Red said, smiling at him fondly.

“Then yes,” Purple said back to Tak. “You can, and I would like you to come too.”

“I will see you tomorrow,” Tak said, then to Lilith. “Thank you again for Mimi.” She smiled as the unique SIR unit rubbed against her legs, then jumped ahead to wait for her at the door.


	15. Ginger Ale

The next morning Tak returned as promised, however Mimi stayed back at her quarters as the SIR unit had curled up on her bed and Tak didn’t want to move her. Instead, she showed Purple and Lilith the pictures she took on her PAD of Mimi exploring her new room. After much fawning over the pictures, they joined Red in the living room and Purple sat down and curled into his lap.

  
  
“If anyone's hungry or thirsty, you all know where the dining chamber is.” With Purple nicely curled up in his lap, Red had zero interest in playing servant for anyone - not that he would have anyway, being Tallest and not a service drone, but Purple’s proximity ensured he wasn't going to be moving an inch.

“Let’s go get snacks!” Lilith turned to Tak and held out her other hand.

Tak nodded and stood up, then followed Lilith to the dining chamber. “Do you two want anything?” she asked Red and Purple, but both shook their heads.

“Bring a small plate of snacks for Pur anyway,” Red said. “Maybe if it’s here, he’ll try and eat.”

“Yes, my Tallest,” Tak said and went into the chamber.

Now alone, Red patted Purple’s shoulder. “I want to show you something,” he said and a cable snaked out of his PAK. “May I?”

Purple recognised it, it was the one Red had used to share smeet memories, so he nodded. “Sure.”

Red connected them and soon Purple had his memories of when he and Lilith had been looking for parts, and he had the memory of the detonator and explosion. He looked up at Red in alarm after he’d withdrawn from Purple’s PAK.

“Yeah. Some moron left an active detonator in a pile of old parts,” Red grumbled.

“That doesn't make any sense,” Purple said and Red shrugged.

  
  


Lilith pointed out the screen for Tak to order snacks and pointed to the ones she wanted. “Get Purple’s favorites too! And what do you want, Compy?” she asked his robot form, he was cuter like this so he needed a cuter name.

_”I will try Lilith’s favourites_ ,” Compy said.

Tak made the selections, including the ones she wanted, but frowned. “Can Purple actually eat any of these?” She took the tray and held it at Lilith’s level. “Because not too long ago these all made him vomit.”

Lilith looked down at the snacks then up at Tak. “We should see if Uncle Mik has made the ginger ale yet. That will help Purple’s belly feel better and then he won’t be sad,” she declared, taking Compy’s hand and leading them back into the room. 

“Red! Call Uncle Mik and see if he made the ginger ale yet!” Lilith said as she ran into the room ahead of Tak, who was carrying the plate of snacks and set it on the table.

“Ginger ale?” Purple repeated, looking up at Red.

“Oh, yeah, Lilith said it would help with your stomach and Mik said it couldn't hurt and he was going to discuss it with Lea-Nard,” Red explained and leaned forward to take his PAD out of his PAK with one hand while holding Purple securely with the other. The screen flickered on. “Put me through to the medbay,” he commanded.

Mik was looking over his blood samples and the scents when a call came through. Hopping off his lab chair he went over to the screen. “Hello, My Tallest, what can I do for you? Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine. Were you able to make progress on the ginger ale for Purple?” Red asked, getting right to the point.

“Oh, yes Lea-Nard said she had an idea for a Vortian food that could work similarly to ginger. Let me go see,” He went back and stepped into Lea-Nard’s office where she said she was going to look into the soda idea. “Lea-Nard? Tallest Red is asking about the Ginger soda.”

“Well, he probably won't be thrilled with this one, but here,” she said and handed him a soda in an Irken cup. “You might not tell him it’s made with Vortian Drop Fruit extract until after Purple’s tried it.”

Mik nodded and thanked her before going back to the call. He exited the office and held up the cup. “Lea-Nard made this prototype, if Tallest Purple finds it helpful, we can produce more. I will come deliver it,” he told him.

“Excellent.” Red nodded at Mik. “Do that.” He ended the call. “Computer, when Mik arrives, let him in.” After typing to add the points from the lessons to Tak’s file and making one for Lilith, including notes based on his observations of her, and adding her points as he’d promised, Red put his PAD away again.

” _Yes, my Tallest_ ,” it said via Lilith’s robot.

Lilith sat on the floor and patted the spot next to her for Compy and pulled out her PAD. “I’m gonna draw a picture of the fancy tea party to show Tak!” she announced and began drawing happily.

_”Do you require assistance?”_ Compy asked her, as it settled down beside her.

“No, but Gir liked to watch me draw and he liked to help me pick colors and what to add in the picture,” Lilith said, and picked up two cookies, passing one to him. “Gir likes cupcakes and tuna, but tuna is stinky so please don’t put it in your legs like Gir used to. But you are different from Gir, so what do you want to do? Wanna help pick colors?” she chatted with Compy.   
  


” _I can make colour suggestions and I don't know what tuna is, but I am certain I won't be putting any in my… legs,”_ it assured her.

“Good,” Lilith said to Compy. “It’s a bad habit. Oh! Do you wanna see what Gir looks like?” She tilted her head back to ask Red and Purple.

“Sure,” Purple answered and Red nodded. “Show us.”

Lilith began drawing and, when she was done, she held up her PAD. “This is Gir in the base,” she pointed to what was obviously a SIR unit. “And this is his disguise when he leaves the house. He has to hide that he’s a robot or all the peoples will blow him up,” she said, pointing to Gir in his green and black dog costume that she drew. “Pops also has to wear a disguise when he leaves the house. When I’m older, Daddy said he’d make one for me, but I have to learn to control my antennae first so they don’t pop out. It’s hard,” she admitted.

“That comes with time,” Red said. “I had to learn too.”

“Who’s ‘Pops’?” Tak asked.

“Lilith’s Irken parent,” Red answered. “She is half Irken and half alien.”

“So she’s a natural born smeet?”

Red shrugged. “Yes.”

“I thought you two were the only ones to do that.”

“So did we.”

“I certainly hope this doesn't mean it’s contagious,” Tak muttered.

“It takes two,” Red said. “You have to love someone, not bite their heads off.”

“I did not bite Skoodge’s head off, I-”

Red held up his hand, silencing her. “There’s a smeet present.” He pointed to Lilith.

“Of course, my Tallest,” Tak said respectfully.

Turning back to Lilith and her pictures, Red spoke. “So, your Pops is an invader.” It was the only explanation for him needing a disguise on another planet. “What is Gir supposed to be disguised as?”

“A puppy,” Lilith answered. “But he’s the only green one. Peoples aren’t very smart there, that’s why Daddy and Pops are teaching me at home until I’m big enough. Daddy said I’m going to be the smartest kid in my class,” she said, then swiped the picture of Gir away, back to the one she drew for Lea of her Daddy and Pops. She wanted to show them off but looking at it just made her sad and her antennae wilted. “I miss them. I hope they hurry up and get here soon.” 

Before the adults could say much more, Mik entered, having been allowed inside as he approached following Red’s previous orders. “Tallest Purple,” Mik said, and wiggled his antennae respectfully, seeing them on the couch. “I have the soda that Lea-Nard was able to replicate, it should help with your stomach as well as provide sugar to your system. See how it tastes, and I’ll take any notes for adjustments back to Lea-Nard. And—“ Mik paused as he saw Tak. “General Tak?” he said surprised to see her.

Purple uncurled so he could see better and leaned towards Mik curiously. Red tightened his arm around Purple’s waist so he couldn't over-extend himself. “Thank you,” Purple said. Already, it smelled good, better than the sweet smoothies that had been his primary source of sustenance thus far.

At the sound of her name, Tak turned to Mik. “What have you called me and how do you know my name?” she demanded, frowning in confusion.

“Ah, well, maybe you aren’t referred to by such here,” Mik said, realizing his error. “And I know _of_ you, we never met face-to-face. You are quite terrifying and, well, that is why they chose you, I suppose. You are very good at your job; no smeet dares misbehave in your presence for obvious reasons,” he rambled, he’s always found the purple-eyed female Irken intimidating, akin to the Tallest in threat level to his life. Or more so, as he was sure Tak would take him out quietly with no one knowing if she so chose. The Tallest would at least be upfront about his demise.

“Choose me for what?” She turned to Red and Purple. “What is he talking about, Sir?” Then back to Mik. “Are you saying I’m going to have _smeets_??” And back to Red. “My Tallest, what is going on here?! Am I intended to bear yours or someone else’s smeets? Is that the true reason you brought me here?”

Red face-palmed, then raised his head again. “No, no, no, no, _no!_ ” he snapped. “Tak, meet the new medical drone, Mik; Mik, meet former Trophy Tak. She and Purple grew up together.”

“Well, actually I am still coded as a Trophy, Sir,” Tak corrected boldly. ” _Your_ Trophy, it would appear.”

“What? _My_ Trophy?” Red asked.

“In my file, my Tallest, but I’m certain Lem only did that so he would no longer be held responsible for me,” Tak said thoughtfully. “That had _better_ be it,” she added in a low grumble to herself.

“Trophies are shiny cups you get for winning races and stuff,” Lilith piped up looking at the silly adults. “Not people.”

“Cups?” Red repeated, eyebrows furrowed, and looked at Purple. “Who’d go through the Maa Fi for _cu-_ ” He halted his own words and seemed to fall into thought.

“I... Ah... well... nice to meet you?” Mik stuttered out; now that he wasn’t taken by surprise, he realized that bringing up his universe might complicate things. Also he was scared of her and thus had a hard time speaking. 

“Hello, Mik,” Tak said in a more amiable tone than before. “You're here to help Purple with smeeting, I would guess?”

“Yes, I am working with the expert on birthing from Vort, Lea-Nard. Together we are doing our best to see that Tallest Purple is taken care of and the smeet as well,” Mik answered. 

“That’s good. He needs all the help he can get,” Tak said.

Purple simply sighed and _finally_ took the juice and had a wary sip. Then his eyes widened and he tried another. “Oh! This is surprisingly-”

“What’s that _smell_?” Red asked suddenly, coming back out of his thoughts. He glanced at the cup, then made a face. “Yuck.”

Purple watched him in confusion, then sniffed it, then shrugged. “I think it’s good.”

“How? What _is_ that?” Red asked.

“Perhaps because it’s meant for me and not you,” Purple suggested. _“I_ like it.”

Red sighed and shrugged. “You're probably right.”

“I wanna smell it!” Lilith scrambled up and leaned against Purple’s knees.

Purple held the cup out to Lilith so she could smell it. “What do you think?”

Lilith leaned over to sniff the cup. “It’s stinky,” she grinned “I like it.”

“You said you are also Tallest Red’s trophy?” Mik asked Tak, confused. 

“Yes, well, that’s what my file says,” Tak began explaining. “When then-Ascending Tallest Red chose Purple instead of me, I was Zim’s, but he didn't want me, so then I got Skoodge and, well, he had to go, of course, and then Tallest Red sent for me.”

Purple chose to ignore Tak bringing Mik up to date and, instead, grinned at Lilith. “Do you want to try it?” 

Lilith took a sip of the soda and smacked her lips as she thought. “It doesn’t taste the same as ginger ale, but it’s good. I like it!” She nodded.

“Then it’s two against one,” Purple said happily to Lilith. “Us against Red. I like it too.”

Lilith giggled at Purple’s comment. “Yep! We’re a team now! We get more soda too and don’t have to share,” she said, liking that arrangement. “Does your belly feel better?”

Purple giggled. “Team Ginger Ale, or whatever this is.” Then at her question, he considered it for a moment, then shrugged. “I don't know…” He looked over at the snacks. They didn't look any more or less appetising than they did before, nor did he feel like he wanted to eat one. “Maybe it takes time to work,” he suggested.

Red, meanwhile, was listening to Tak’s explanation, knowing Mik didn't know how the whole thing worked. “Slow down,” he said. “Mik, as Top Champion, I was given my choice of Trophies, and Purple and Tak were Top Trophies. I chose Purple and Tak was offered to the next highest scoring Champion. For reasons I can't begin to guess at, that was Zim and then Skoodge.” He took out his PAD and pulled up her file as, by now, he was curious as to how he could have _two_ Trophies. “Huh. Looks like she is now listed as my Trophy...” He tapped, pulling up Purple’s file. “So is Pur…” He pulled up his own and blinked. “Actually, it lists me as her Guardian, not her Champion.”

Tak looked at Red questioningly. “It does? I’m certain it said you were my Champion.”

“No, they just wrote it weird. You're listed as my Trophy, but I’m listed as ‘Champion and Life Mate of former Trophy Purple’ and ‘Guardian of Trophy Tak’,” Red explained. “Which means I have Lemon’s job where you're concerned.”

Mik nodded as Red explained. “What does being a guardian entail?” he asked, curious, and when they mentioned Zim, he anxiously glanced at Lilith, but thankfully she seemed distracted by the drink Purple was offering her. 

“Well, Lemon’s job was to raise, educate, and prepare Trophies for Wor Hol. - Right?” Red looked at Purple, then Tak.

“Yes, my Tallest. Lem chose those who took care of and trained us. He also decided on punishments when we misbehaved - something Purple was very good at,” she said, snickering at Purple.

“Those were _your_ ideas,” Purple countered, glaring at her. “You just made me go along with them.”

“It never took much to convince you. And you had as many ideas as I did.”

“Yes, yes, you two were trouble-makers,” Red said, smirking. “But would you finish explaining for Mik.”

Tak sighed and nodded. “Anyway, a Guardian is also responsible for preparing us for our Maa Ris.”

“Obviously that doesn't apply here,” Red said.

“I hope not,” Tak didn't miss a beat. “Basically I’m his problem now instead of Lem’s.”

Mik took that information in. “You are now in care of Tak’s growth, education, and behaviors so... you are her parental figure now,” Mik concluded. 

Red looked at Tak, who looked back at him.

“I guess that’s accurate,” Red said.

“I am _not_ calling you Dadi.”

“I’d send you back to Mafitia if you did,” Red quipped back.

“I’d go back willingly if you expected me to.”

“Either way, I guess I’m in charge of her.”

“Red, you’re Tak’s Pops?” Lilith asked, looking between the two of them, then between Red and Purple. She gave Red the most judgmental look an almost-four-year-old could muster. Then sympathetically patted Purple’s knee. “No one’s perfect,” she told Purple, the words sounding like something she was mimicking.

Red blinked at Lilith, dumbfounded by her judging.

Purple rubbed Lilith’s head. “Red may not be perfect —” he glanced at Red and gave a nervous chuckle. (No one dared to say the Tallest wasn't absolutely perfect in every way.) “— but he’s pretty good,” he continued, also not understanding what Lilith was on about.

“As long as you’re happy, Sweetie,” Lilith said, saying what the other lady in the TV said. “And at least he doesn’t have The Forgets,” she added helpfully. “But you gotta be careful if the mistress or baby mama comes back because then things get really crazy and everyone usually gets The Forgets,” she said, then sat back down to continue drawing with Compy.

Both Red and Purple looked to Mik questioningly.

Red understood the word ‘mistress’, though, and leaned forward (supporting Purple), to speak with Lilith. “Lilith, Tak is not my mistress nor do I have another mistress.” He paused to try and think of a way to explain Tak. For once, he really could use Lea-Nard’s help.

It was then that the computer finally stepped in. ” _My Tallest, if I may clarify? My data banks do contain the necessary information.”_

“Permission granted,” Red said. He was curious to hear what it had to say too.

” _A Trophy’s Guardian ensures their training for Wor Hol and how to correctly serve their Champion, including keeping track of their skills and weaknesses. It is their responsibility to ensure their charges reach service drone level training. They also are responsible for ensuring their safety, health, and nutrition._

_“Furthermore, a Trophy belongs to their designated Guardian until they are passed to their Champion at the successful consummation of their Maa Ri as evidenced by a mating mark._

_“As Tallest Red is not actually trained and authorised to raise a Trophy for Maa Ri, he will likely not be involved in that part. As Almighty Tallest, however, he can do anything he wants, so he could put her up as a Trophy in the next Wor Hol. - I would not recommend it, however, since her Trophy score is so low due to… —_ ” the robot looked at Lilith. “— _her actions in this last Wor Hol. She would only be able to be offered to the lowest surviving Champion. Given her scores in the education Tallest Red has enlisted her in, another Wor Hol would be, pardon my frankness, a waste._ ”

Then it added. _“If I may, Tallest Red, though experienced, has no other known natural smeets. All of his previous-”_

“ _Friends_ ,” Red quickly jumped in to provide the word before the computer said something it shouldn't.

“ _Yes, My Tallest. - Your ‘friends’ have not been fertile_ ,” it concluded. Then it turned to Lilith. _”Tak is not his own child. The Vortians have a word, but there is no Irken translation. He takes care of Tak similarly to how he and Purple are taking care of you.”_

Lilith blinked once at Compy after he explained. “Ooooooooh.” She turned to Red. “So you’re adopting Tak? That’s when someone who doesn’t have any Daddies, Pops, or Mommies goes to be with someone else and they become their family. But,” she looked to Tak. “Tak’s all grown up. She doesn’t need Red as her Daddy or Pops. And I don’t need more Daddies. I have one. I’m just...” sh trailed off as she wasn’t sure exactly what to call the situation she was in. “I’m just having sleepovers with my friends,” she decided, then looked back up to Red. “You love Purple only?”

At Lilith’s question, Red met Lilith’s eyes and whispered. “Yes. I loved him since we were little smeets.”

Purple remembered the PAK memories Red had shared with him from when they were newly hatched smeets. Red’s memories came with his emotions too. Hatched only a moment later and given his PAK a moment later, Red had awakened to see Purple and be greeted by him. Red had liked him from the beginning. But was it love Red had felt? Purple didn't know. The amount of sadness Red had felt as they were seperated hinted to it. But these weren't things Purple wanted to share with anyone else, so he didn't mention them.

“Okay,” Lilith told Red, satisfied with that answer. “My Daddy and Pops were together when they were younger too. But Daddy was older than me when Pops came to Earth.” 

“Oh,” Red said, not knowing what else to say to that. He wondered which Irken could possibly be her parent. Obviously an invader, for they were the ones to make first contact (they weren't _supposed_ to, but sometimes situations called for it), but who? And who would mate with an alien? Red had no clue. The only one weird enough to do any of that was probably Zim, but Zim had always been far too devoted to the Empire. Also, he was on Vort and uninterested in any sort of intimate relationships (and who could possibly stand Zim?). Red discarded that. Stink came to mind. Stink would sleep with nearly anyone and he was an invader, but no, Stink wasn't loud, nor interested in settling down. Also, he was fully dedicated to the Empire too. No, it couldn't be either of them. “Lilith, I’m sorry,” he said suddenly. “I know you miss them. I’m doing everything I can to find them.”

Lilith nodded.

” _Updating vocabulary: Adopting,_ ” the computer said. Then, “ _Tak is an adult, but she is not a citizen, nor does she have the means with which to support herself,_ ” it explained. “ _Tallest Red must take care of those things for her. Tallest Red could not have been aware he’d become listed as her Guardian as such a situation has never occurred before in Irken history.”_

Lilith listened to Compy, but didn’t quite understand. “Tak needs a job?” she asked. “But because she doesn’t have one, Red is helping?”

” _Yes, Lilith. He is taking care of her and enabling her to learn enough to get a higher rank_ ,” it explained. 

“Okay, Red’s gonna help us both,” she said to Tak. “Because he’s our friend and that’s what friends do, they help each other.” She looked back up at Red. “That means if you need our help, we can help you too,” Lilith said. 

Red smiled at her.

Tak sighed. “Yes, I guess so. He did save my life after all, so I guess I could help him.”

Having stayed silent most of the time Mik finally spoke up. “Is the soda to your liking, Tallest Purple? Should we make more?”

Purple turned to Mik. “Oh,” he said and took another drink. “I like it. I don't know if it helps, but it tastes and smells good.” He looked to Red. “I would like more.”

“Why are you asking me? You can have anything you want… and you just so happen to be Ascending Tallest, so you can order the lessers around.”

Purple nodded. “I would like more. For me and Lilith,” he said. “If possible.”

“I will go back and let Lea-Nard know, she was the one who was able to make it,” Mik said. 

“Can she also make it smell better?” Red asked. “It smells terrible.”

“I will ask,” Mik said. “Oh! I almost forgot, I brought this with me as it was finally made.” He handed Purple a thin silver cuff. It would sit snugly against Purple’s wrist, but it looked more like a bracelet than a medical device. “Lea-Nard was kind enough to modify my original design. She said this would be a less stressful item to wear if it looked like this” he said. “It will keep track of your vitals and sugar levels and send an immediate alert to the medbay if anything drastically changes.”

“Oh?” Purple took the cuff. “It’s not very pretty…” Silver was not his favourite colour, especially since it represented virginity, but he slipped it on. 

_”My Tallest?_ ” the computer said suddenly, speaking over the ship speakers instead of the robot. “ _There is something that requires your attention.”_

Red raised his head. “What now?” 

_”It is of Tallest priority.”_

Red sighed and patted Purple’s thigh. “Let me up, Sunshine.”

Purple nodded and did as he was told.

Red left the room. “What is it?”

_”My Tallest, when you ordered me to deactivate all active detonators in the ship, I did.”_

“Good. And you couldn't have told me that there?” Red asked.

_”Sir, there is a problem you need to know about.”_

“Yes?”

_”I know how many and where all detonators are at all times, but…”_

“Yes? What?! Get to the point!” Red snapped.

_”There were more unknown ones than were registered. My Tallest, I received deactivation affirmations from 171 different activation devices throughout the ship. They have all been deactivated, but I cannot explain their presence.”_

“You mean someone put 171 detonators all over my ship and you weren't aware of it?” Red demanded. “And how could this happen?”

_“Ever since the florpus hole that brought Mik and Lilith here, my sensors haven't been functioning as efficiently as they should. Had you not ordered me to deactivate all detonators, I still would not be aware of them.”_

Red frowned. “Is that all of them? Are you sure you deactivated _every_ _single one_?”

_”I cannot say for certain, my Tallest.”_

“Did the detonators come with Mik and Lilith? Are they from that universe?” Red asked.

_”Unable to say, Sir. They all had Irken signatures.”_

“I’ll have to ask Mik, see if he knows anything,” Red decided. “Where is he?”

_”He is still in your living chambers with Purple, Tak, and Lilith.”_

“Good. Procure one of the detonators so I can show it to him,” Red ordered.

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_


	16. System Reboot

Lilith looked at the silver bracelet. “It’s not pretty?” she asked. “Then let’s make it pretty! Let’s paint it a pretty color and add sparklies to it! Everything is prettier with sparklies.”

Purple smiled. “Paint it?” He looked up at Mik. “Do you think that would be okay, or would it interfere with its function?”

“I don’t think it will be a problem, as long as the inside remains untouched. I am sorry, I am not made for creating things that look nice,” Mik said apologetically. “Lea-Nard did help me make it look less medical, but adding paint to the outside should be fine.” 

“Yay! Let’s make it pretty!” Lilith said.

Tak came up and looked at it as well. “That wouldn't have been my first colour choice for him,” she said, snickering. 

“That’s probably why Red gets sent so many requests for design approvals,” Purple said thoughtfully. He looked at the armband again, then back up at Mik. Never in his life had a medical drone apologised to him for _anything_ before and he blinked. It made him feel better about Mik, for certain. “Well… it… it’s okay,” he said. “It’s meant for functionality over looks.” He looked at it again. “And I suppose you wouldn't have known what silver means here, right?”

“How could he not?” Tak asked. “ _Everyone_ knows.”

“It...means something?” Mik asked, confused. “It is a less obvious color than gold and is the most common color metal used in manufacturing,” he said. “I thought it would stand out less.”

Purple nodded. “Silver means virginity. During Wor Hol, the Trophies that haven't been touched wear a silver sash.” But as he glanced around the room, he realised Mik was right, that silver _was_ indeed a common metal colour.

“And _clearly_ Purple is not untouched anymore,” Tak added, her tone highly amused. “It’d have to be _white_.” Then to Mik. “But how could you possibly not know that?”

"Mik and I don't live here, we live far away," Lilith piped up. 

"Yes, from a florpus hole actually," Mik added since Tak seemed to be close with Tallest Purple. "An alternate universe." 

"White isn't a pretty color," Lilith said. "We should paint it purple to match Purple's eyes and name!" she giggled.

Purple fully agreed with Lilith. “Then we’ll ask the computer for some metal paints so we can make it pretty,” he said to Lilith.

“You came here through a _florpus hole_?” Tak asked, unable to believe her ears. “Aren't those deadly?”

"Very deadly... usually. But, well, the theory is that they will either transport you through time and space... or destroy it," Mik said. "And, well, here we are." 

“How do you even know about florpus holes?” Purple demanded of Tak.

“Obviously I’ve gotten further along in our studies,” she answered, sounding smug. “You’ve clearly been snoozing too much.”

“I’m smeeting,” Purple said in defense. Yes, he _had_ been slacking off in his studies. But it wasn't about ships anymore and he found it _boring_. It was easy to let things like nausea distract him. “Remember?”

“I could hardly forget,” Tak replied.

It was then that Red walked in, but said nothing. Purple and Tak hardly missed a chance to argue about their studies. As it seemed to push both to do even better, Red didn't bother trying to stop it. (Nor did he get involved, for that had resulted in two pairs of furious purple eyes glaring at him.)

"I'm working on studies too!" Lilith said. "I know both my letters. Pop's letters and Daddy's letters, and Daddy and Pops have taught me all about building stuff!"

Red stepped in. “I see Tak knows about our two unexpected visitors now too,” he said, though he didn't appear upset. “Don't go spreading it around, understood?”

Tak nodded. “Yes, my Tallest. Besides, who’d believe a Trophy anyway.”

Red nodded. “Hopefully, I can change that,” he said softly. Then turned to Mik. “I need your help with something. - Computer, did you get me one of the exemples yet?”

_”Yes, my Tallest, but it is putting up resistance to being brought here.”_

“Resistance? How can a…” Red blinked and looked at Mik in confusion; then, “Nevermind, just use force if needed. I want to show it to Mik. - But, don't bling it _here_ , take it to the conference room.”

_”Yes, Sir.”_

"You need me to look at something, My Tallest?" Mik asked.

“Yes, if you're finished here?” Red asked Mik.

“Yes, I will just send Lea-Nard a note that the soda went over well,” Mik said, typing into his reader. “I am at your service, My Tallest.”

“Excellent,” Red said, then donned his armor and activated his hoverbelt and went over to Purple. “There’s something I need to take care of, but I’ll be back soon.”

“Ok,” Purple said. “Lilith and I will be fine.”

“Good,” he said and rubbed cheeks with Purple, then turned and headed towards the door “Then come with me,” he said as he passed by Mik.

“Bye-bye!” Lilith waved to Red and Mik as they left, with both adults waving back to her. 

“What is it you would like me to look at, My Tallest? Does it concern Tallest Purple or Lilith?” Mik asked respectfully as he followed after Red, staying behind him like a smaller was supposed to.

Red led Mik to the conference room and entered. - To find that the robotic hand was holding a fearful looking Irken tightly by the arm and waist, effectively preventing any potential escape attempts.

“Computer, I said to bring me a _detonator_ , not an _invader_.”

” _Sensors indicate he has a detonator in his arm,_ ” it answered.

Red facepalmed. “You idiot! Of course he does! _All_ invaders do! How could you confuse an invader self-detonator for the others?”

” _Excuse me, Sir, but I cannot seem to tell the difference._ ”

“Release him,” Red commanded. “You, return to whatever it is you were doing prior.”

“Yes, Sir!” the invader said, saluting, then scurried from the room.

“Get another one, Computer. One that _isn't_ attached to an invader,” he commanded.

_”I will try, my Tallest,_ ” the computer said.

“‘Try’?” Red repeated.

” _My sensors are still malfunctioning. I could not tell that one was attached to an invader_.”

Red sighed. “Just get me another without the invader. And don't harass Larb again.”

” _Yes, Sir._ ”

Red turned to Mik. “As you can see, we have a little problem.” He hovered over to a panel and plugged his PAK into it, then uploaded his memories of Lilith’s find in the docking bay. He played them back so Mik could see what happened.

Mik’s eyes widened as he watched the screen. “She’s not allowed near explosives,” he whispered. “Or any temperamental explosive equipment... things tend not to function how they should.”

Red shrugged. “It doesn't explain why there was an active detonator carelessly thrown into a pile of parts. Those are supposed to be fully deactivated before they’re disposed of so this sort of thing can't happen,” he explained. “If my PAK wasn't so efficient in communicating danger and commands to the computer in an emergency, there would now be a big hole in my docking bay!” And possibly him and Lilith, but he didn't say that out loud. Instead, he said, “Since the florpus hole, apparently the computer’s systems are messed up. After I ordered them deactivated, it found a number of such unregistered detonators aboard the ship.”

” _My Tallest, here is one of the detonators._ ” It held one out to him, this time without an Irken. It looked just like the one Lilith had found.

Red waved it over to Mik. “Is there a chance these came with you and Lilith through the florpus hole? Are these from your universe?” he asked.

Mik turned over the detonator in his hands and shook his head. “Nothing that has been used in a long time. It’s older technology, but nothing that would make me conclude it came through with us. If it had, I imagine they would have exploded due the excess energy given off by florpus holes. The computer hasn’t been working since we came? Could the energy field have disrupted the computer’s processing? Have you run a diagnosis? Once there was a solar flare from Irk’s sun and it made our training equipment run haywire.”

“Then it can't be from yours,” Red said, because he also doubted such devices would've come through without exploding unless they were already defective, which Lilith's clearly was not. He looked up at the ceiling. “Computer, run a system diagnostic.”

” _I have tried to run a system-wide self diagnostic since the discovery of the first armed detonator, my Tallest._ ”

“And?” Red asked.

_”It… is not working,”_ it admitted, somehow sounding embarrassed if Red wasn't completely mistaken. ” _I can perform all my normal functions, but certain unimportant ones don't seem to be functioning._ ”

“Which ones? Because telling the difference between that detonator and an invader’s is pretty important. As is knowing whether or not an active one was just _laying around in a pile of parts on my docking bay!_ ” Red snapped.

“M-my Tallest... is that the only system that isn’t working?” Mik asked hesitantly.

Red shrugged. “What other systems are down?” he asked. “Report, Computer.”

_”I cannot say, my Tallest. I only discover them when trying to use them._ ”

“Deactivate all detonators aboard the Massive,” Red commanded.

It took a couple moments, but then the computer spoke. ” _All have been deactivated successfully, Sir._ ”

“Were there any that were active since I last ordered you to deactivate them?” Red asked.

_”Yes, my Tallest. It appears so. It also appears that some I had previously deactivated are active again.”_

“Why? How?”

_”I cannot say, Sir._ ”

Red looked at Mik. “Life support, Computer?”

_”All life support systems are fully functional and working as they should with no abnormalities. - Do you want me to turn them off?_ ”

Red’s antennae sprung up. “NO, YOU MORON!” he snapped quickly. “Why, on Irk, would I want you to do that?!”

_”I don't know, Sir. I seem to have forgotten what purpose the life support systems serve. They are marked top priority, but I could not say why.”_

“Security systems? Weapons?” Mik asked in a small nervous voice, a theory forming that he did not like.

“Computer, check those,” Red commanded.

_“Security systems are down, but not damaged. Checking weapons… The Bridge Cannon is offline. Shall I bring it back online?_ ”

“Yes!”

” _I can't. I am locked out._ ”

“You're locked out of one of your own subsystems?” Red grit his teeth. “What about the other on board weapons?” The Bridge Cannon was the most powerful and advanced weapon aboard the Massive, but it wasn’t the only one.

” _Defensive systems and weapons are online. - My Tallest, I do not think the florpus hole did this. I was encoded with a number of backup systems that would have detected the fluctuation and subsequent damage to the system. A reboot would have been forced and all systems repaired and brought back online. These are all deactivated.”_

“My Tallest,” Mik whispered nervously.“This seems more than an energy surge glitch. The Massive appears to have been sabotaged,” he said, a bit fearful to mention such an outrageous thing, but that was the only explanation he could think of. “The systems off-line are too specific. If this was an energy surge, other systems like lights, doors and other mundane ones would be compromised as well.”

Red listened to Mik and nodded. “That is exactly what I would think. This sounds like someone is trying to make sure the Massive cannot fight… I mean, in case of an attack, the defensive systems will protect us, but it’s quicker to put enemies out of commission with one shot of the bridge cannon. - Computer, can you conduct repairs and a force reboot?”

_”Trying, Sir. - No, I can't reboot and start the repair program._ ”

“W-What should we do my Tallest?” Mik asked nervously.

Red sighed. “Well, the first thing to do is…” He began swiftly typing on the screen. “I’m going to manually force the computer into system repair mode…” As Tallest, the computer had no choice but to obey any command he gave it. It did, however, require starting the according system before he could command it to run.

“Is there anything I can do my Tallest?” Mik asked ringing his hands

“Just don't freak out if the lights go out or you start floating,” Red said to Mik as he typed. “I may have to shut down all systems for a second.” He checked to see if there was anyone in the medbay who was dependent on the computer. There wasn't, but he could tell Lea was doing something on her computer. “Lea’s probably going to hate me for this…” He didn't sound very sorry, though.

Despite his new Tallest’s orders, Mik could feel a panic attack coming on.

“Mik, am I going to have to incapacitate you?” Red asked. “I can already smell your fear. - Anyway, I’m just running a manual system diagnostic right now. Nothing should hap-” The lights did, however, flicker and dim, but didn't fall out. He didn't know if Mik had noticed, but Red had also heard the small waver from the engines. “Apparently, whoever did this didn't want me to do exactly what I’m doing and there’s a viral program in here that’s set out to stop me.” He typed faster. “But, they forgot that I… am… _Red_...” he murmured idly as he focused.

Mik whimpered when the lights flickered. “M-maybe, My Tallest,” he admitted honestly. “I don’t function well under extreme stress. You should have seen me during the Great Smeet Rebellion. I think the only reason I didn't get attacked as much as the others is because I was panicking so badly it was confusing to the smeets.”

“There was a smeet rebellion in your universe?” Red asked. “You're gonna have to tell me about that.” Then the gravity flickered for a second as well, but not strong enough for anyone to lose their footing, only feeling lighter for the moment. He doubted most people would've even noticed.

“Yes. Just a fraction of an Irk year ago actually,” Mik said, glad for distraction. “When the natural born smeets were old enough to begin training they were all sent to the new training facilities on Irk. In the beginning, we didn’t account for the bonds that had formed between parents and smeets. When the smeets arrived and were told they would not be returning to their parents they… well, were not happy. It turns out hordes of angry pakless and thus uncontrollable smeets are difficult to manage, especially when excessive force cannot be used.”

Red snickered. He’d heard of that with Vortian children when they had to move to another part of their planet in order to study. “Well, if you handled them at all like you did Lilith, I’m not surprised. And what happened after that, now that you knew about the parent-smeet bond? - A-ha! The viral program has been stopped. It kept trying to replicate itself as viruses are wont to do, but I was faster.” Of course he was, he was Red, after all. The best in his class with computers. If he hadn't liked being a soldier so much, he’d have gone into computer science and programming. “There is now no doubt in my mind that this is all intentional.” He sighed. “And there are a number of systems that are affected.”

“I’m sure you can fix them, you seem very skilled, my Tallest,” Mik said, feeling a bit calmer, then continued his story. “Well, it wasn’t just the smeets that were upset. Taking away the smeets seemed to have an adverse effect on the parents as well. Tallest Purple was particularly irritated to the point that even Tallest Red was not saved from his ire. It was actually your idea, Tallest Red, to create a schedule of home visits. Now there is a cycle that, once a month, the smeets are allowed an extended time lasting about a week with their parental units and this system has worked well since.”

“Communication and speech are out for now, but… Yes, I am the best,” Red agreed and continued typing as he listened to the rest of Mik’s story. “A week per month, huh? Yeah, that sounds like something I’d come up with. - And I recieved Purple’s ire? What did he do?” Yes, he really, really wanted to hear all about the results of his partner's temper.

“Tallest Purple was highly irritated and kept blowing up any ship ahead of the Massive whether it be an enemy or one of our own. This wouldn’t have been a huge issue, but it seems he also locked himself in Tallest Smeet Maroon’s room every night and refused to bond further with Tallest Red until he saw his smeet again. As I understand, Tallest Red established the home visits fairly quickly after that,” Mik continued.

Red chuckled, figuring that by ‘bonding’ Mik meant sex. “Yep, that would motivate me.” Watching Purple blow up ships and then not getting to show Purple how amazing that is? That would definitely do it. And he really wanted to see his own Purple show that deadly side of him. He knew his Purple had it, it was just hidden, repressed, buried under years of conditioning, but Red could sense it. Even _see_ it rear up in moments when Purple gave into his indignation.

“Yes,” Mik added. “It is a known fact among Irkens that, of the two of them, Tallest Purple is the Irken you want to upset the least and is more merciless. Which is why Tallest Red takes the lead in negotiations and discussions. However, Tallest Purple is the most efficient when it comes to handling matters on the Massive. He is quick and efficient with all the reports and documentation,” he added.

“So, your Purple is good with words and writing too.,” Red said. If that was the case, he decided he wasn't worried about his Purple after all. He would show his deadly side, it just needed some time.

“Yes, though he doesn’t do well with interacting with other Irkens, Tallest Red is usually in charge of that,” Mik said.

“I can see that. This Purple is shy around others,” Red commented. “Hmm, ship alarms are down too. I’ll bring them up later, when I’ve finished the repairs. - We might lose-” the lights flickered, going out entirely for a moment, then turned back on. “Yeah, those. Couldn't be avoided. - And now…” He paused as he typed. “...Lea is going to be furious with me,” he said with a chuckle. “I just shut off her computer. PAD’s are offline too. Usable, but no longer able to connect to the database.” Then he frowned.   
  
“Life form detection has been deactivated too. That means no one can be located either and… we could theoretically have unwanted visitors if anyone wanted to come aboard. The Armada hasn't been able to communicate with the Massive since… well, the last message was sent a few hours ago, but they are following in formation as usual.” Red stilled his hand as he thought about it. “Actually, there have been a number of small blackouts and all related messages from the Armada have simply been stowed away in an information pocket as opposed to being brought to my attention.” He typed some more.   
  
“Nor can I hail them. - Alright, starting system repairs… now. - It’s possible gravity and life support could fall out for a moment, but there is enough air on the Massive to sustain us for a couple days as long as the hull remains intact.” Besides, Irkens could survive in the vacuum of space for a while even if that happened. “And there goes the engines,” he said, and his keen hearing picked up the sound as they shut down. 

  
As the engines shut off Mik started to panic. "We're all going to die horrible suffocating deaths."

“I’m going to pretend I didn't hear that,” Red said to Mik. “Now I’m dropping our shields. The Armada will see and follow up by becoming our shields.” He tapped a button that opened a panel on the outer wall, revealing space. He turned his head to look out. Sure enough, he saw the Armada change its formation, no longer flanking the Massive, instead they surrounded it from every side. Each and every single pilot would sacrifice themselves to protect the flagship and their Tallest.

The gravity fluctuated again and Red turned back to the display. “Gravitational systems are being tested. We can expect more fluctuations. - Manual repairs always go so slow,” he grumbled. “If you start to float away, give me a holler.” He didn't want to miss it - nor have Mik panic and damage something (like the hull, computer, or himself).

Mik sat in the corner and began to hyperventilate.

  
Red made a face as the scent of fear saturated the air and caused his own biochemical reaction. However, he was trained and so a cable snaked out of his PAK and connected to Mik’s.

’ _Calm down,_ ’ he ordered the PAK. If it worked like it was supposed to, Mik should get a dosage of sedatives like it used when forcing a sleep mode. Not enough to knock him out, but enough to keep him in check and perhaps make him somewhat woozy. 

Mik felt Tallest Red plug into his PAK and order him to be calm. It surprisingly worked and he felt his PAK send him a rush of 'chill out' drugs as his breathing came under control. Red retracted the cable as the gravity fluctuated again. Even with his hoverbelt, he felt it this time as well and, in the corner, Mik floated a couple centimetres before falling back onto his bottom. As the gravity came back, he plopped onto the ground and lay there in a daze as he listened to Tallest Red.

“Gravity and life support are clear and stable,” Red announced. “System repairs finished. Main computer restarting. I’ll have to separately turn each system back on.”

The entire panel along with the lights, ventilation, and gravity fell out. There was an eerie silence that seemed to last an eternity before the bootup began and panel turned back on, filled with the reports of the system diagnostic and repair. “Communications are still down, internal and external,” Red said. “Turning those on now.” Announcing all of these things to the medic was not necessary, but it helped keep Red focused.

“Internal and external communication back online,” Red announced. “Bringing up weapons and defensive systems.” His fingers flew over the controls. “Online. Now life form-” A number of messages came in from the Armada asking what’s wrong. He sent a message out that he was still alive, but systems had shut down. They should stay in defensive formation until the bridge cannon came back online.

Mik groggily got to his feet. "Oh... the systems are back online."

“Now starting life form location,” Red said and watched the panel. “And computer speech.”

“ _Hello, my Tallest_ ,” the computer said. _My Tallest, something has happened on deck 449, storage room 82._ ”

“What happened?” Red asked.

_”Shots were fired,”_ it said, and displayed a model of the guns used. Red recognised the design.

“What, on Irk, are Plookesian weapons doing aboard my ship?!” Red demanded. “Are there mo-”

_”My Tallest,”_ it interrupted. _“Ascending Tallest Purple is in that room with another Irken, whose PAK identification is blocked, and the dead body of an alien not found in our database. Tallest Smeet Lilith is in the ventilation system. - Tallest Purple has been injured.”_

“What?!” Red snapped, alarm shooting through him. “Is the irken helping him?”

_”The Irken fired the shot that injured Tallest Purple.”_

His blood turned to ice. “What happened??”

_”I cannot say, my Tallest. Systems were down and no recordings exist.”_

Red quickly sent in some commands for the system to continue activating without him, then he turned to Mik. “Come with me!” he ordered Mik.

At the computer's announcements, Mik perked up. "Right away, my Tallest." 

In case Mik was still too doped up to walk, Red snatched him up with a PAK leg and rushed from the room at the full speed his hoverbelt could manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What happened to Purple and Lilith?.... Will Red get there in time to save his beloved? Tune in tomorrow for the next chapter of The Right Breeding Florpus.


	17. An Attack

Meanwhile...

“You know both types of letters?” Purple asked Lilith, looking back to her. “Do you want to show me?”  
  


Since Tak wasn’t interested in the smeet’s alien language or comparing letters she sat on the couch with them and opened her own PAD to work on her own courses. 

"Yes! I'm really good at drawing the Irken letters because they look like little pictures! But Daddy's letters are harder because they are all lines and curves," Lilith said, and she sat on the floor with her PAD and began carefully drawing out all the Irken letters first. Then she switched to her English ones. She got them all down, but it wasn't as neat at the Irken ones. "These are harder to remember." 

Purple looked at the strange lines and curves. “I don't blame you. It looks complicated.” Using his finger, he wrote in the Irken script. “That’s how I spell my name.”

Lilith copied his name in Irken, then wrote it in English as well; then proudly showed it to him. “I can spell some words too.” 

Purple grinned as he looked at his name in the strange letters, then Lilith’s name as well. He noticed one letter she seemed to have trouble with - so had he when he was little - and wrote it slowly for her the way he had come up with to make it easier. “If you do it that way, it’s easier to get the flow,” he said. With the alien script, he had no ideas.

Lilith watched Purple draw the letter and her small antennae perked up happily. “Oh! Like this?” She practiced the Irken letter the way Purple showed her. 

Purple looked at it and nodded. He pulled up an image that showed all the Irken letters so she could compare. “See? Now it's like that. It’s not how you're taught, but I found it easier this way.”

“You’re good at teaching!” Lilith said, finding it much easier to write the letters the way Purple showed her. 

Purple giggled. “Thanks!” He then went through all the Irken letters, drawing with his finger. “Writing’s one of my favourite subjects,” he admitted to her. “I help Red write reports and things a lot, because he’s so _bad_ at it.”

Lilith giggled. “I like writing letters too! But not as much as learning how stuff works. Daddy read to me the Voot manual. I like that one lots.” 

Purple smiled and, using his own PAD, he pulled up some ship manuals to show her. “I read all about Voots,” he said excitedly. 

“Ooo! Read me a story about ships!” Lilith said, crawling into Purple’s lap so she could see the PAD better. 

Purple pulled up the history of the Voot Cruiser and began reading that to her. After a paragraph, he paused. “Are you sure this is okay?”

“Yep! I like these stories the best. Daddy will read them to me before bed time,” Lilith said happily. She pointed to a Voot on the screen. “I’m gonna name that one Skittles.”

Purple smiled. “Okay, then.” He resumed reading the ship’s history. It was meant for invaders and made in such a way that allowed it to accept alien technology, in case an invader on a mission needed to repair it or make adaptations.

Lilith listened, completely enthralled with Purple’s voice and did her best to try and follow along. When Purple got to a mention of Planet Vort, he paused to explain what that was. “Lea comes from Vort,” he explained. “Her people provide us with a lot of technology, including our ships.”

“I wanna learn more about Vort! Let’s go see Lea and have her tell us stories!” Lilith said. 

“Alright, let’s do that!” Purple said with a nod and got up. “Just let me get dressed,” he said and changed into his official Ascending Tallest robes and Tallest Consort shoulder plates.

While Purple went to go get changed, Lilith turned to Tak and Compy. “Are you coming too?” 

Tak shook her head. “I’ll finish my next lesson here.”

_”I have just received the order that I may have to have a nap,_ ” Compy said.

“Okie dokie! We’ll have a makeover when we get back. Have a good nap, Compy,” Lilith said, then held up her arms so Purple could easily pick her up. Purple, waving to Tak, left the room with Lilith in his arms. They passed the guards that were in the hall outside, each saluted him as he walked by, 

Lilith was feeling a little braver in Purple’s arms as he carried her down the hall and she didn’t hide as much when they passed other Irkens. But when the Lights flickered, she jumped and looked up. “The lights just hiccupped.” 

“Yeah, that was weird,” Purple said. He'd never seen them do that before, but didn't feel particularly alarmed. He’d read ships could experience power surges. “We’ll be fine,” he said. “And we’re almost to the medbay.” He thought he noticed being lighter for a moment too.

“What kind of questions should we ask Lea?” Lilith asked as she looked around at the lights, waiting for them to hiccup again. She grew quiet when she heard another Irken approach. 

“We could ask her anything we want. Maybe she knows some neat stories about Vortians. Maybe she can tell us about Vortian education,” Purple suggested. They walked up to a corner, and upon turning into it, nearly ran into a shorter Irken.

“Okay,” Lilith said, but clammed up when the other Irken approached them. 

“My Tallest,” the short soldier wiggled his antennae respectfully. “I’ve been sent by Tallest Red; he demands your presence.” 

Purple halted and looked down at the Irken. “He does?” He started to turn back when he remembered Red wasn't back at their quarters. “Computer, put me through to Tallest Red.”

“My Tallest, there is an error going on in the systems, that is why I was sent,” the Irken said, sounding a bit impatient. “It is an order from Tallest Red that you follow me.” 

Purple frowned. “An error? But the computer was fine a moment ago. - Computer, put me through to Tallest Red immediately.” Again, nothing. “Computer?” Then he remembered it said it was ‘napping’. Perhaps that’s what the Irken meant, so he turned back. “Well, okay… do you know where he is?”

“Yes, this way, he is waiting for you,” the soldier said, then turned around expecting Purple to follow him down the hall. He led them to a lesser used area and more of a storage section. Opening a door, the soldier saluted and motioned for Purple to follow. “He said that you would find out why he called you here inside this room,” the soldier said. 

Fully unsuspecting, Purple nodded and peered in. “But he’s not here…” He already knew that from his nose.

A rough shove from behind had Purple stumbling into the room; Lilith yelped and flailed, slipping from his arms as they were pushed in as the soldier followed. Inside there was a cloaked and masked figure, also armed and waiting by the door. Holding out his gun, the soldier aimed it at them as he locked them in. He took out a communication device. “Yes, I have him. But he is carrying a weird ugly smeet with him.... right. I understand,” the soldier said, still pointing his gun at them. 

Grinning, he shot the gun once, grazing Purple’s side singeing his robes. Lilith screamed and ran towards the back of the storage room to hide behind the boxes. 

“Hey, what- _OW!_ ” Purple cried out as the shot grazed him.

“No, Red is not here. He won’t be anywhere if things go well. And if you are lucky and cooperate, I might let you live and serve the next and true Tallest, Trophy Purple.” 

Being untrained to handle such situations, Purple’s fear took over and he cringed as Lilith scurried away. His eyes widened as his assailant spoke, then he flinched at the usage of his former title, shrinking even more as it did the trick in reminding him of what he was. “Wh-what do you mean by that?” His burning side didn't help either, even if it was healing.

"I mean," the soldier said and sneered. "That as soon as our little presents for Red go off, there will be a new vacancy for Tallest. Of course that won't be you. We're going to have a message be found on former Tallest Red's personal database that strips you of that title, you'll go back to being a Trophy for the next Tallest. A true ruthless leader that will usher in a new dawn of Irken rule across the universe. And soon--" the lights flickered. "Find out what's going on," he hissed to the other masked soldier, who was fairly tall, around six feet. 

The masked soldier spoke into his headset in a language that Purple had never heard before. However, Lilith had. " _Yeah, okay, wow. Hey, so apparently that tall leader guy has hacked into the system and is manually shutting down everything so he can restart them. He's working too fast for your people to keep up. Things aren't looking good."_

The soldier swore and spoke back in the same language. " _Are the Plookesian bombs still in place and active?"_

" _Hold on... yep, Mooshy says they are good to go. Man, this is exciting. Alien takeovers are much cooler than they are in the movies._ " The masked man nodded. 

" _Good, then if we can't take down the Massive, at least we can cause some damage as well as cause Red enough emotional distress for us to claim he is a defective leader. I'm going to rape this one, then kill him and that weird thing in the back. That should be enough to drive Red insane,_ " the soldier said.

" _Cool, can I watch?_ " the masked man asked. 

" _Sicko. But sure. I'm sure that will make it all the better for him,_ " the soldier said. "Hey, Trophy. As long as you listen and behave like you are supposed to, both you and that little one behind you will be fine. You're fond of it, yeah? Do as you're told and I won't kill it. Now strip."

“But…” Purple faltered. Yes. Red could strip him of Ascending Tallest as easily as he’d given it. Their plan would work. He didn't want to think about what it would be like at the claws and mercy of an Irken, a Tallest, that was as bad as they said. Then the title was thrown at him yet again and Purple flinched. “Kill it?” he repeated softly, then his antennae sprung up. “You mean _her_?? You’re going to try and kill _her_?!” he cried, then furrowed his eyebrows at the confusing order. “Strip? Why should I _strip-_ ” He froze as it hit him what was meant. “N-no! You can't!! I-I-I’m Red’s and only Red’s!”

"You won't belong to him anymore, now strip or I'll have him kill that thing. Do as I say and it lives," the soldier snapped. 

"YOU'RE LYING!" Lilith screeched at the soldier from on top of a box behind Purple. "I heard you! You and that other bad man said that you were gonna kill us both to make Red super sad. Don't listen to him! He's a dookie-faced liar pants!" Lilith shouted to Purple.

The soldier's antennae twitched and he swore, lifting his gun. "Fine then. Have it your way." He nodded to the masked man. " _Go kill that annoying thing_." 

" _Sure thing, can I play with her first? And keep the body after? It'd be cool to take it apart after I’ve had some fun with it. I've always kinda wanted to dissect an alien, what boy doesn't?_ " He laughed. 

" _Do what you want._ " 

"NO!" Lilith screamed. "Don't take out my insides!" She fled back behind the boxes as the masked man moved to go catch her. 

Time seemed to freeze for Purple as he saw the stranger move for Lilith, then it was as though something snapped inside him and he jumped to his feet. “NO!” His PAK legs shot out, the tips already charged, and he shot, knocking their guns from their hands as he threw himself at Lilith’s assailant. The force knocked them to the ground. “You will not touch her!” he snarled, then they began to float and were plunged into darkness.

As Purple shot away one of the guns it discharged and shot towards the back of the room. It whizzed by Lilith, startling her as it hit the back wall. The lights went out and things began to float for a second. 

Lilith saw where the gun had shot and knew that it had blown away the grate on the ventilation system. When the lights went dark, she scurried over and climbed in. Her Daddy always told her that, if anyone bad should attack, she had to go run away and hide the best she could. Daddy and Pops could fight better knowing she wasn't there and was safe. Purple was strong. He'd fight better if she wasn't in the way. She also needed to go find Red and have him help. She felt herself float in the vent, but it didn't stop her from making her way along as the sounds of fighting grew distant. 

As she crawled, she heard a beeping and, curious, went down the path towards it. Sure enough, she found another explodie clock. This was no place for that! It wouldn't be any fun if it went off here. She should give it to Red; then he could make those two bad guys explode into space with it. Sitting up, Lilith pulled the clock over, pried off the back, and took a look at the wires. Grabbing one, she yanked it out and tied it into a knot so she could drag it along better. The clock went out, but she was sure Red could fix it. crawling along further, she found another one and did the same thing, tying those two together before going on. Then further ahead, another one still....

  
  


Bck in the room, Purple was only slightly aware of Lilith’s leaving, but he felt more comfortable knowing she was out of danger. As the gravity fell out, he scrambled to hang onto his victim. Then it came back on and they both hit the floor again. He went for the stranger’s neck and squeezed, intending to choke him lest he fight Purple.

_’SNAP!’ e_ choed throughout the room during another sudden blackout.

Purple gasped as bone gave way under his fingers and the stranger went limp under him. He drew his hand back. He hadn't squeezed hard enough to break _bone_ had he? He checked again. It was broken. He narrowed his eyes. The creature was that fragile? He’d never met anyone that easily broke before.

The soldier hissed as Purple pounced on and attacked, then killed his ally. Releasing his own PAK legs, he leapt after the guns that had been knocked away. "Even if we fail in killing you, the Massive is still rigged to blow. We'll destroy Red no matter the cost."  
  


“No!” Purple cried, and, remembering what the Irken had ordered him to do, he jumped to his feet and spun around. The sight of him hurrying for the weapons infuriated Purple and his PAK legs came out again, all four pointed at him menacingly.

” _No, you won't,_ ” the computer interrupted. _”It was clever of you to disguise Plookesian bombs with invader self-destruct signatures, but they are being located and disarmed. Your grid is already out of order. Your hand weapons are also of no use to you, for I have deactivated them.”_

“Where were you, Computer?!” Purple snapped. “He was going to rape me and kill Lilith!”

_”I’m sorry, my Tallest, but I had a virus, compliments of our unwanted guests. Tallest Red had to shut me down and begin repairs manually.”_

“Oh.”

_”Tallest Red is on his way.”_

The Irken hissed in anger “I’m calling your bluff, those bombs are rigged to explode should anyone tamper with them that doesn’t have the authorization code, which only I know. And they are all rigged to go off right about ..... now.” The Irken grinned widely, waiting for the sounds of explosions, but nothing happened. “Impossible!” hee screeched and launched himself at Purple in anger. At least he could kill Red’s Trophy.

Having listened for the explosions too, the unexpected impact sent Purple crashing to the floor, the wind knocked out of him. “No!” he croaked as he began to scuffle with his attacker.

The attack was vicious and desperate, the soldier notably more trained and experienced than Purple, and he soon had the upper hand over the former Trophy.

The soldier grinned maliciously. “I’m going to destroy you down to your PAK. I’m going to mutilate your corpse. Be grateful, Trophy, that at least your life was useful; or your death anyway.” He sneered, raising his PAK legs for the final kill.

“No!” Purple’s eyes widened at the very real threat, his fear mounting. He struggled, but it was uncoordinated and gained him no advantage. “No, I won't-! You can't-! I-I’m not-!” He was hyperventilating, unable to get an intelligent sentence out as imminent death approached. _‘No!’_ he thought, his PAK and fleshy mind screaming simultaneously. “No, I’m not-!” He grit his teeth and shut his eyes. The points came down. He screamed and the ring of metal-upon-metal echoed through the room, but the pain never came. His eyes fluttered open to meet the startled eyes of his attacker.

Four sharp points so close to him, death so close he could almost taste it. Four deadly points blocked by four more. _His PAK legs!_ He realised with a start, the same startled realisation mirrored in the ruby of his attacker’s eyes.

“You!” the soldier sputtered angrily as he jerked his PAK legs back. “How dare you! You’re just a Trophy, how dare you fight back! Just die!” he screamed, launching at him again.

“Because-!” Purple grunted as he blocked again. “Because I’m not a Trophy!” He snarled and began to fight back. His PAK legs were swift, blocking the other’s attack with enough counter force to gain a little space. “I’m NOT a Trophy!” he snarled again, this time full of rage and he attacked with his PAK legs. A deadly attack with tips charged. They shot out and the cutting lasers fired.

There was a look of complete shock on the soldier’s face, but it only lasted a moment before the lasers fired and shot right through him. An instant kill.

********

_”My Tallest-”_

Red crashed into the door at full speed and fell to the floor, the impact knocking out his hoverbelt. He groaned and rubbed his head, looking at the door in confusion. “Wha…?”

_”I was about to warn you that it’s been locked,_ ” the computer said.

******

The body collapsed lifeless upon Purple and he gasped, then threw the Irken off in a sudden surge of horrified disgust and, when the attacker didn't move, he collapsed against the floor panting. He didn't even register it as the door blew open.

“PUR!”

He saw the blurry form of his partner above him, PAK legs out and the tips smoking. “Re…?” He lost consciousness.

“Pur, damnit! Pur!” Red cried, his eyes landing on the charred clothing from the gun Purple had been hit with as well as splatters of pink blood on Purple’s face and chest. “Mik! He's hurt! Do something!”

Mik came over in a flash and quickly scanned Purple, then sighed in relief. “He’s fine, My Tallest. He was just grazed. But he should go to Lea-Nard, I think he fainted from stress,” Mik said and looked around. “And possible physical exertion”, he said, not at all surprised that Purple could kill two others; but then he was used to his Purple.

It was then that Red finally took a look around as well. Two bodies and one, an Irken soldier, in noticeably bad shape. He looked back to Purple. “You did this?” he asked the unconscious form. Of course, he got no response, so he carefully picked him up bridal style and cuddled him to his chest. He looked around again. Only Purple and two Irkens- No… the other one wasn't Irken, didn't smell Irken. He wandered over to it and, with a PAK leg, pulled back the mask to find…

“What, on Irk…?” A species he did not recognize. It had pale, pinkish skin, a strange thing in the middle of its face and two other strange, fleshy things on either side of its head. What he did recognize, however, was the stuff covering its head. It was like Lilith’s ‘hair’, just shorter and courser. “Mik, look at this thing. What is it?”

Mik looked over and shrieked “DIB?!” Running over, he got a better look and collapsed in relief. “Oh, thank Irk! I thought it was Lilith’s parent for a moment. That’s a human, but what’s a human doing all the way out here?” he wondered.

“A… hoo- a huh… a hyooman?” Red attempted to pronounce the strange word. He looked at it critically. It didn't _look_ like Lilith, except for the hair, but she was a hybrid. As for what that species was doing here, he had no idea. “How did it die?” He couldn't see any visible wounds on it.

Mik scanned the body. “The throat has been crushed. The spinal cord behind the broken protecting bones has snapped. He would have died instantly,” he said.

Using his PAK leg, Red pulled the collar away from the neck. There were marks and he blinked, then looked at his mate, then back at the body. “I’d recognize those anywhere: Pur’s claws,” he couldn't help the awe that seeped into his tone. “Why, you sly one, I knew you could be deadly when you wanted to be.”

Looking around, Mik asked, “where is Lilith?”

At Mik’s question, Red sobered up and looked around the room. No signs. No third body. “Lilith?” he called. No answer. Then he remembered. “The computer said she was in the ventilation shaft. - Computer, where is Lilith now?”

” _Tallest Smeet Lilith is still in the ventilation shaft, now between sections 38 and 27, moving in the direction of the gardens_.”

“Is she hurt?”

” _No, my Tallest._ ”

Red looked back at the soldier, then to Mik. “I’m not sure who I can trust, and I need to get Purple to the medbay--” he paused, and his antennae sprung up. “Mik, how is the smeet?”

Mik plugged his reader into the cuff. With the systems all down from before, he hadn’t getting readings. “All levels are normal, and the scan showed no changes. However, the equipment in the labs would provide a much better scan. He would probably feel safer waking up with Lea-Nard tending to him then myself,” Mik said. “I will send her a message to expect us. She will take care of him and we can go find Lilith. And, um, My Tallest?” Mik looked at the human. “If possible I would like to study the body, discreetly of course. Understanding the biology may be helpful in assisting Lilith as she grows.”

Red nodded, the plan sounded good to him. As to Mik’s request, he nodded again. “Permission granted. - Computer, stasis field around both bodies. No one, but Mik or myself, is authorized to look or touch or otherwise do anything with them unless and until I authorize them.”

” _Yes, my Tallest._ ”

“Let's get you to the medbay, Sunshine,” Red said softly to Purple, and turned towards the door. He tried to activate his hoverbelt, but it didn't work. He tried again, then hissed.

_”You shattered its controls, my Tallest, when you ignored me and threw yourself into a locked door._ ”

Red’s antennae twitched in irritation. “It wasn't _supposed_ to be locked!” he snapped. “Not for _me_!” With a hiss at the ceiling, he began his way on foot, the armored skirt highly cumbersome as it prevented him from walking with his otherwise long stride.

It took a bit longer than they liked, but they arrived at the medbay eventually. “Lea-nard!” Mik called out. “We’ve arrived with Tallest Purple. He’s stable, but unconscious.” 

“I got your message,” Lea-Nard called back as she hurried into the room. “Put him on the table.” She indicated the nearest one and Red laid him down. She quickly got to work, ordering scans of him and his smeet. She sighed in relief. “This isn't his blood,” she said, and fetched a cloth with which she began cleaning his face. “Mik appears to be right, he just seems to have been put into sleep mode by his PAK due to stress and shock.” She put the soiled cloth aside and pulled up his robes to feel his stomach, pressing lightly. She rested her hand in one spot and concentrated. After a minute or two, she looked at the screen, then took her hand away and covered Purple back up. “The smeet is fine,” she finally announced in a relieved tone. She turned to the two. “He’ll be fine here with me. He just needs to rest,” she assured them.

Red bent over Purple and rubbed his cheek against Purple’s. _“I’ll be back,”_ he whispered. _“I’m just going to help Mik find Lilith. Lea-Nard says our smeet is okay, so don't worry.”_ Then he drew back up to his full height and turned to Mik. “Let’s go.”

“My Tallest, where is Lilith now?” Mik asked, as he ran after Red. 

“Computer, where is Lilith?”

” _She is in the Tallest Gardens._ ”

“This way,” Red said without taking a second to consider that Mik already knew. He came to a corner and halted. His skirt was too much of a problem, but taking off any part of his armor was too risky, so he turned around. His PAK legs extended, all six, and he scooped Mik up, then rose up on them. “I’m faster,” he said by way of explanation, then he darted forth, running through the halls.

He dove into a transport shaft, the platform sliding out of the way in anticipation of his intentions, and they zoomed through. A clear schematic of the ship in his mind, he halted at a level and sprung out, then down that hallway and straight for a door. He positioned two of his six legs towards it and charged the tips just in case it didn't open for him. It did, however, and he ran through without slowing.

He sprinted stealthily through the main garden without bumping or knocking over anything, then through another door and a short hallway. He came to a stop where a large Irken sat at a desk and dropped to his feet.

“My Tallest,” he saluted.

“We’re entering,” Red said, still carrying Mik.

“My Tallest, I must remind you the Tallest Garden is only for authorized-”

“He is authorized,” Red hissed, daring him with a challenging look to disobey him.

“Yes, my Tallest,” the guard said, and the doors opened. Red entered and the doors closed behind them. It was then he realized he was still carrying Mik and set him down.

The garden was huge and it was impossible to see all of it from there.

“Lilith!” Mik called out, anxious to find the small smeet. 

“Lilith!” Red called. “Computer, affirm Lilith is still here.”

” _She is still here, my Tallest._ ”

Red sniffed, but with the presence of the Tallest Flowers and their potent scent as well as the other scents that dominated the area, he couldn't pick out hers. 

“Lilith? It’s me, Red! Are you ok?” He walked farther in, stepping onto the soft, grassy plant that dominated the floors here, interrupted only by pathways.

Mik went off in a different direction to cover more ground calling her name as he went.


	18. Explodie Death Boxes

Lilith had been crawling for a long time and was carrying the five explody clocks with her. They made loud sounds and were getting heavy. She passed by several other grates before, but there were too many strangers on the other side so she didn’t want to leave. The next grate came into view and Lilith peeked out and gasped. There were plants and pretty flowers. 

With a little push she was able to open the grate and dragged her boxes with her. Looking around in wonder, she saw two big flowers intertwined with each other, but getting close she found they were stinky flowers and hid her antennae back in her hair and quickly moved away to the other less stinky side as she dragged the boxes through the dirt.

At one point she had wanted to smell one of the pretty and small pink flowers, but as soon as she let go of the boxes they started to beep. Sighing, she picked the wire cluster back up and they stopped. “So clingy,” she told the naughty clocks.

Suddenly hearing shouting, she ducked inside some bushes to hide, unable to recognize the voices from so far away. As she hid, the voice got closer and she listened fearfully, thinking it might be the scary man again. 

“Lilith? It’s me, Red! Are you okay?” 

“Red?” Lilith popped up out of the bush and looked around. Seeing him not too far off, she ran towards him, dragging the clocks behind her. “Purple is fighting the bad men!” Lilith began crying as relief ran through her. “The b-bad man, h-he said b-bad things!”

Red turned towards the sound, “Lilith!” He was so relieved to see that she was okay, he didn't give a second look at what she was dragging along with her as he knelt down to one knee and held his arms out to her. “The bad men?” he asked. So she had indeed been with Purple at the time, but somehow managed to escape. “It’s okay, Lilith,” he said softly. “You're safe now.”

“B-But P-Purple is still—“ she hiccuped, making her lose her grip on the wires. All the boxes lit up and restarted the countdown. Lilith didn’t react beyond bending to grab the wires again and they shut off. “—w-with the bad men.” She hiccuped again and cried not knowing that Purple was safe.

Red gave a start at the sound, his eyes snapping to the boxes and his blood went cold - until her grabbing them, casually as though she was used to doing it, seemed to stop them again. He gulped, not taking his eyes off them.

“L-Lilith, what have you…?” He couldn't stop the question before it slipped out, then forced himself to calm again, or at least appear so, because if she freaked out now too, it would be a disaster. “Lilith,” he said, his tone serious, but steady this time. He had to calm her, so he stroked gently over her hair as that seemed to sooth her before. “Purple took care of the bad men already. He’s okay. He’s with Lea-Nard now.”

“He’s okay?” Lilith hiccuped, but calmed down as Red pet her head. “He stopped the bad men,” she repeated and felt better. Red was here too; he wouldn’t have left Purple alone if he was still fighting the bad men. “I went into the vents and ran away just like Daddy taught me,” she said. “Then I found these explody clocks!” She held up her hand that was grabbing the wires. “Oh! There is a really stinky flower over there.” She pointed; now that the danger was over, she felt much better. “I’ll show you,” she said, and began to run in that direction dragging the boxes clanking together behind her.

She ran off so suddenly that Red stumbled forward, catching himself with one hand on the ground and gasping at the sight of the _explosives_ she was so uncarefully dragging behind her.

“Computer,” he growled through tightly gritted teeth, so as not to shout and startle or scare her. “Deactivate those bombs right now.”

” _My sensors indicate no explosives other than standard issue invader self destruct-_ ”

“Yes, those. Deactivate _those!”_

_”Yes, my Tallest. - They’ve been successfully deactivated.”_

Red finally stood up and went after her, stopping beside her when she did, right in front of two Tallest Flowers in the middle of their shameless reproductive act. He cleared his throat. “So, you think they’re stinky, huh?”

“Yep! Super stinky!” She giggled, then, no longer interested in them, ran off again. “I like these little ones,” she said, dragging her clocks. As she got close, the clocks snagged on something and pulled the wire out of her hands. Lilith bent to pick them back up, but noticed that they didn’t light back up. Instead, she straightened and placed a finger to her lips. “Shhh,” she told Red. “They’re sleeping,” she said, leaving the clocks there to go point out the little pink flowers.

Red followed, making a note that he’d have to remember to tell Pur that there was actually, really another Irken who didn't think they smelled delightful. He stopped with her next to the bombs and simply nodded that he understood. As she walked away from them to look at more flowers, he glanced up.

“Computer, put a containment field around them. I will want to examine them later.”

” _Yes, my Tallest_.”

A shimmering, blue field appeared around them like a bubble and, satisfied, Red followed Lilith to the little flowers. “These help keep the ground healthy for the other plants,” he began explaining. “And they like to grow near those larger ones.” He reached down and picked one, then held it out to her. “You can even eat them.” He should probably call for Mik, he thought as he realised the medic was probably still searching the vast garden frantically.

As if thinking about him summoned the medic, Mik came running up. “My Tallest, I can’t—Lilith!” he cried upon seeing her and glomped her. Lilith flailed her arms, her protests muffled against his chest.

Red smirked as he watched the two. For all his confusion about interpersonal emotions and smeets, the medic certainly seemed to show some strong parental emotions towards her. “Yes, she’s safe,” he said after a moment, his tone full of amusement. “Now don't change that by suffocating her.”

“Oh!” Mik pulled back so she could breathe. 

Lilith gasped loudly. “Uncle Mik, you’re being a lot!” she protested.

“Yes, Uncle Mik, you're being a lot,” Red couldn't help teasing too now that, for the moment at least, the horror of finding Purple the way he did and not knowing what happened to Lilith was over. Then to Lilith, he said, “Perhaps if you let him scan you to make sure you're, you know, not _dead_ , he’ll be able to calm down.”

“Why would I be dead?” Lilith asked, confused, but let Mik scan her. 

“She’s unharmed,” Mik said, relieved. 

“Purple killed the bad men?” Lilith asked, remembering why they might think she was hurt.

Red grinned at Mik’s reaction. Then to her question, he nodded proudly. “Yep. Single-handedly too; he’s so amazing.” No Irken would think to be ashamed of killing a traitor, especially in self-defence, so it did not occur to Red that Lilith may not have been brought up that way.

Lilith looked thoughtful. Daddy wouldn’t have liked it that the bad men were killed. He thought killing people was wrong, even bad ones, but Pops would have been glad. And the bad men did say mean things and they wanted to hurt her and Purple. On this, she had to agree with what Pops would think. “Good.” She nodded. “Oh! Uncle Mik, did you see the stinky flower?” she asked and giggled. “It’s smelly.” 

“Most flowers here have smells,” Mik answered.

“Did your Tallest ever let you see the _Celsus Illustris_ up close?” Red asked Mik. “And living as they naturally would instead of just in plant pots?”

Mik blinked. “The what?” He looked up. “Come to think of it, such gardens aren’t on our Massive,” he said, looking around in wonder.

“Huh… that’s weird. Well, come here,” Red said, and led them up to the reproductive flowers. “Don't your Tallest have these all over their quarters? You can't grow these without an adequate habitat, which includes having plenty of room. Unless they found a way to grow them under different conditions in your universe?” It never occured to Red that these wouldn't exist in another universe.

Mik went up to the plant in question his antennae wiggling. “I don’t smell anything,” he said to Lilith, who kept calling it stinky and stayed back as she didn’t like it. “But no, I have never seen anything like it,” he said getting closer. “Oh, wait there is a slight fragrance, but I wouldn’t call it stinky.”

“Wait… your Tallest _don't_ have _Tallest Flowers_? Pur and I decided we didn't want them in our quarters either, because we don't like the scent, but Miyuki and Spork loved them. Maybe our counterparts don't like them either.” Red reached out and traced a finger over the large petal of one of the flowers engaged with another, then held it out to Mik, his fingertip covered with the shimmering, silvery substance. “Then you might find this interesting to analyse. It has an… _interesting_ effect on most of us.”

“Oh?” Mik said, holding out the sample collection section that popped out of the side of his reader. “Interesting how, My Tallest?” 

“I'm gonna go play with the clocks!” Lilith announced, since the adults were being boring and were hanging out near the stinky flower.

As the fine sheen of lusty dust didn't come off of fingers very easily, Red turned back to the flower and ran his finger over the petals a couple times until he had a small mound, then he deposited it onto the sample collection piece. “Well, it’s… - Wait. Clocks?” he said, as Lilith’s announcement registered. “We don't have any clocks in here…” Timers, yes, but not clocks she could play with, and the timers certainly didn't look like clocks as all they did was send messages to the gardening drones in the event they needed to check on the plants. He turned to watch where Lilith was running off to.

Lilith beelined for the clocks she had been dragging around. When she found the force field around them, she smacked it. “Wake up!” she said, smacking the force field again. “Explody clocks, wake up!”

Mik heard her shout then went into panic mode and screeched. “Don’t let her near anything that can explode!” he cried, running after her.

Red, having seen what she was doing, bolted after Mik. He didn't make it two steps before he had to use his PAK legs in order to not trip from the skirt. After that, he was at her side in seconds. He dropped down to his own feet and exhaled when he saw the containment field was intact.

“Lilith,” he began calmly as he would with Purple. “Those are not toys. They’re… explodey death boxes that will destroy my ship if they go off in here.” Okay, it wasn't his most eloquent phrase ever, but his heart was still pounding like a defective SIR unit and it was taking all he had to not sound the slightest bit upset. “We should explode them _outside_ the ship.”

“ _Death boxes are the best kind of explodey boxes,_ ” she whispered, gently caressing the force field, her eyes a little wider than normal, almost trance-like. 

By then, Mik had caught up to them. His PAK tendrils wrapped around her waist and hefted her up into the air, then he continued running until he deemed himself a safe distance from the boxes. 

“Lilith! You are very aware of your parents’ rules. No playing, looking, or otherwise being around explosives!” He panted heavily, keeping her suspended in the air. The rule having less to do with her safety and more to do with her unnatural affinity for such things... and their unnatural affinity for her. 

Out of reach of the boxes, Lilith went limp in the tendrils. “That’s no fun! Uhhhhg,” she whined. Then crossed her arms in a pout. “If they weren’t meant to be played with, they shouldn’t have been hiding in the vents with me,” she argued.

Red caught up with them a moment later. “Lilith, they were in the ventilation shaft with you?” There were bombs in the _ventilation shafts_ of his ship?? He did not like that at all. That meant they were going to be a _pain_ to find and remove. At least, as long as they were inactive. The ship’s alarms would only sound if they became active. In these boxes’ cases, that meant when the timer was activated. This was a safety feature so it wouldn't freak out about invaders’ and ships’ self-destructs all the time. Not to mention, there were a _lot_ of ventilation shafts on his literal planet-sized _Massive_.

“Uh huh.” Lilith nodded, then her eyes lit up and her legs began pumping. “Do you think there are more?” she asked excitedly, and looked around until she found the spot where she came into the garden. “Uncle Mik, let me go! I wanna go find the _death boxes,_ ” she whispered, eerily excited.

“Mik, you will _not_ let her go find the death boxes,” Red commanded the medic. “Lilith, we really need to go to Purple and show him you're alright.” And let Purple handle the excited smeet for a while so he could get started on finding all the other hidden bombs, if there were any. - _If_ his Life Mate really was okay after his ordeal. Red still couldn't get the sight of his unconscious purple sunshine covered in blood out of his mind. Even if it was sexy to know Purple had ended someone’s lives, the moment before he learned it wasn’t Purple’s blood was a pure nightmare and it had left its mark on him. The thought of losing Pur was worse than the thought of being found defective.

“Awww!” Lilith said in disappointment, as Mik walked with Red towards the garden’s exit. But the idea of seeing Purple perked her back up. “Okay, let's go see Purple! I wanna tell him about the _death boxes_ ,” she said, still dangling in the air.

“Yes, that sounds like an excellent idea,” Red said as they left. The garden door opened for him and closed after they walked out.

“My Tallest!” the guard said, saluting.

As always, Red ignored the customary greetings from subordinates (Tallests didn't need to acknowledge them, after all), and simply exhaled a long, shaking breath of relief as they headed to the main garden and eventual exit. He never noticed the expression on the guard's face as the other two followed him out.

“Uncle Mik, put me down. I want Red to hold me,” Lilith complained, as being hoisted around the halls by his PAK legs was worse than being held against Red’s hard armor.

Red reached out for her, nodding to Mik, and, with his own PAK leg, set her on his shoulders where he knew she was comfortable. “How’s that?” he asked, making his way to the lift that would take them to the deck with the medbay.

“Yay!” Lilith said, from on top of his shoulder. “I’m tallest!” she said, breaking into a fit of giggles. 

“No, your height hasn’t changed,” Mik said, frowning up at Lilith, not understanding her excitement.

Red simply smirked. He knew exactly what Mik was thinking, as would everyone else aboard the Massive had they heard it, but saw no need to correct either of them. They entered the lift and rode to the appropriate deck, then made it to the medbay. The trip was notably longer without his hoverbelt, Red noticed unhappily and made a note to have it replaced ASAP. He wondered if he could have one sent right to the medbay. Walking that much was also uncomfortable with the tight corset, as his abdominal muscles were restricted in their flexibility and forced his leg muscles to do that much more work. All things he hadn't noticed before since he never walked any notable distance when in full armor. But the most important thing to do was to find a better, more flexible material for the skirt. It was simply no good this way.

“Is Purple okay?” Lilith asked when she saw they were making their way to be medbay. “Was he hurt bad? Does his belly hurt?”

Red tried not to wince inwardly at the image he couldn't get out of his head. Outwardly, he managed to remain calm. He was even sure he kept a good poker face (not that she could've seen it from where she was perched even if he had faltered). “Pur’s not hurt,” he said, impressed with how confident he managed to sound. Yes, he was indeed amazing. — “But because of his growing smeet, we chose to bring him to Lea-Nard so she could make sure the smeet was okay too.” — Almost as amazing as Pur.

“Oh! Yeah! Purple’s gonna have a smeet. It’s growing? Where?” Lilith asked, resting her chin on Red’s head.

Red blinked, then eyed Mik. “You mean she doesn't _know_ where natural smeets come from?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t think so,” Mik answered. “There was probably no reason to include that in her education at this point.” He then spoke louder to Lilith. “Tallest Purple’s smeet is growing inside his spooch.” 

“Oh, in his belly? Is that why he’s got an upset belly all the time?” Lilith mused. “How did a smeet get in his belly?” 

“Oh, well, Tallest Red here...” Mik cleared his throat, fully intending to explain the birds and bees to Lilith using Red and Purple as examples.

Red’s antennae sprung up as he realised Mik was about to tell her what he and Purple did, and from what he’d seen about the medic, he’d leave out no detail. And right there in public too! “ _Tallest Red here_ ,” he interrupted through grit teeth, but keeping a steady tone. “Is ordering _medical drone Mik_ to shut up right this instant because _Vortian medical-midwife Lea-Nard_ can explain it to her better.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Mik said, his antennae flattening. “When we get to the medbay, we can also better explain through the vids. I wonder which ones we should show her? She is naturally born and we hypothesize that she will mature one day,” he mumbled to himself as they went on.

Red blinked. “You ‘hypothesise’ she’s going to grow up?” he asked, as they entered the medbay, his tone one of astonished disbelief. As to the vids, that was just a little too much for him to deal with. Mik’s vid was nothing like what Red and Purple had done, nor how it even works in this universe (the very basic of sex-makes-smeet notwithstanding). That the medic meant _this universe’s_ vids, Red couldn't have known, for he was not aware of Mik and Lea’s little ‘Irkflix ‘n’ chill’ date.

"Yes, well, we have not had natural born smeets in several millennia and all the Irkens that were able to reproduce were only able to do so after that portion of their PAK had been activated. It is, of course, an irreversible procedure. So there is no way of knowing at this point if the natural born smeets will naturally grow to have the ability to reproduce or if it can only be done with the aid of a PAK--which they don't have," Mik explained, as they walked in. "Lea-Nard," he said upon seeing her. "How is Tallest Purple?"

Lea was facing a display when they came in and she looked over at them solemnly when Mik spoke, then she looked up to see the girl riding upon Red’s shoulders and her eyes lit up. “Lilith! Am I glad to see you, Sweetie!” There was relief in her voice. “I heard you had quite a harrowing adventure, but it looks like you're doing well?”

“Lea!” Lilith waved happily to her. “Yep! I’m okay. I escaped just like how Daddy taught me.” 

“You did wonderful, you smart girl.” Lea waved to Lilith, truly happy to see that she was okay after what Purple had told her. 

“Lea, what about Purple?” Red asked, unwilling to wait.

Lea looked back at Red and Mik. “He’s awake and notably distraught,” she said in a serious tone and approached them. “He’s worried about Lilith and Red, and… well, there’s something else, but he’ll want to tell Red himself.” She looked at Red. “Don't worry, the smeet is just fine. Somehow you two managed to create a tough little fighter.” 

“Thank the Tallest,” Red said, and exhaled in relief at hearing his partner and offspring were okay; he was so relieved, in fact, that he forgot to point out that of course their smeet was tough.

“Purple’s in my office,” Lea added. “When he woke up, he understandably didn't want to be around anyone.” Then in an uncharacteristic display, she looked at the ruler with a pleading expression. “You're going to need to be very patient with him, Red. He may jump into your arms when you go in or… he might require you to maintain your distance. Whichever it is, I implore you to let him set the boundaries.”

“You're worrying me, Vortian,” Red warned in a quiet tone.

“He’s been through a lot.” Without saying anything more, Lea solemnly gestured to her office. Then to Mik she said, "You should wait here, Mik."

Mik went over to Lea. “Yes, I also have a new sample I would like to analyze. Tallest Red said it had interesting effects on Irkens,” he said, having no problem being excluded as Red went into Lea’s office.

Once Red and Lilith left, she turned to Mik. “A new sample with an interesting effect, you say?” she asked with a genuine smile. “Sounds like fun. Well, you know where the lab is. If you need my assistance, well, just ask. I’d also be curious to know what it is.” Then she thought of something and reached out, touching his arm. “Oh! One thing, first: You scanned Lilith, I trust?” She released him. “Sorry.”

Mik, having long ago labeled the Vortian as an equal, found he didn’t mind the contact. “Yes, she was unharmed,” he said to reassure her, then, because he had seen other species do this as a further way to reassure and show appreciation, he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Your assistance would be most welcome. It is a pollen from a large flower,” he said, then went to bring the sample to the lab equipment. 

Lea was surprised by the unexpected touch, for Irkens weren't generally physically affectionate with Vortians (well, herself anyway), but mostly because it wasn't a gesture she’d have expected from Mik, who was otherwise so very awkward in such situations. She took it to mean that he had come to accept her, so she smiled. “Thank you, Mik, Purple was not sure and was extremely upset that she could've been harmed while in his care,” she said sincerely. “So, a large flower?” she inquired as she followed after him. “Sounds like you were in the gardens.” She already had a suspicion as to which flower he might mean (what _other_ flower would Red have mentioned, after all), but she herself knew very little about celsus illustris. “Let’s see what we can find out.”


	19. We’re Safe

As Red entered with Lilith, he found Purple huddled up on the chair (as much as the tall Irken could) with a blanket covering everything but his head and a hand from view, sipping a cup of some steaming liquid giving off a scent Red didn't quite recognise (though it seemed slightly familiar), but figured it was something typically Vortian. His partner didn't _look_ especially distraught, but he could smell that Pur was or had been very upset, but also smelled freshly cleaned. “Pur?” he said, entering only far enough for the door to close behind him. “Are you… Is everything okay?”

Upon seeing his mate and Lilith, Purple set his cup down and dropped the blanket and Red saw he had fresh clothes. “Red! Lilith!” He started to get up, but thought better of it and sat back down. “Y-you’re both safe? You're not hurt?”

“We’re fine,” Red said calmly, and took Purple’s action as an indication to give him space as Lea had advised. “You really kicked ass back there,” he said, smiling.

“Oh… A-are they…? Are they… they’re not…”

“You took care of them Pur.”

Purple sighed in relief and seemed to relax finally. “Thank the Tallest…”

“Naw, thank _you_ ,” Red grinned.

“And… and, Lilith, you're really okay? You were able to get away?”

“Yep! Daddy always told me that the best thing I can do if bad things happen is to run away and hide. He said that he and Pops can fight anything if they know I won’t get hurt or caught since I’m not old enough to fight with them. I can help best by being safe,” she said proudly. 

“You're parents are right,” Purple said. “I’m so glad you made it to safety.”

“And in the vents I found this many,” she held up her hand with five fingers, “explodey clocks. _Death boxes,_ ” she whispered excitedly; but almost like breaking out of a trance, she then puffed up her cheeks and gave the top of Red’s head a pout. “But Red wouldn’t let me play with them.”

“Death boxes are not for smeets,” Red said.

“Death boxes?” Purple repeated, then his antennae sprung up. “Red! Bombs! Th-there are bombs planted all over the Massive!”

Red tried not to flinch or otherwise react in displeasure as he knew exactly what the smeet was going to want. “Pur, I know about them, don't worry,” he said as reassuring as he could. “They’ve been deactivated.”

“You do? They have? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Sunshine.”

Purple sighed and relaxed again. “Okay.”

“Can I… come closer?” Red asked.

“Huh? Of course.” But then Purple looked away. “If you… you're sure you want to.”

Red recognised this behaviour, for it was how Purple acted when he was feeling worthless and ashamed. The ruler walked up to him. “Of course I’m sure,” he said softly, and gently cupped his cheek, “that I’d want to be close to the most amazing Irken in the Empire who took out not one but _two_ traitors all by himself.” To Red’s relief, Purple leaned into his hand even though he didn't say anything. “I guess you’ll…. tell me later what happened, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah… later.”

The scent of shame waved in the air again, but Purple raised his head to look at Lilith and held his hands out to her.

Lilith immediately went into Purple’s arms with help from Red. She nuzzled her head under his chin and gave him a big hug. “I was really scared,” she told him. “The men were mean and scary. Daddy says it’s bad to kill people, but... I think he would have killed the bad men too. I didn’t like the one that spoke like Daddy,” she said in a soft voice. “And the Irken man was a liar. Liars are bad,” she said, hugging onto Purple then pulling back to look at his face, then down at his belly. 

“Uncle Mik said that there is a smeet in your belly. So that means you stopped the bad men from hurting me and the smeet.” She gasped as something occurred to her. “You’re just like a superhero from TV! You stopped the bad guys and saved everyone! That means the Major should give you a big shiny key to the city!” Lilith said, but then paused and frowned. “But we’re not in a city. But we’re in a spaceship! So you should get the key to the spaceship instead. Oh!” She clapped her hands. “You can drive it and make it do spins!” She giggled.

Purple cuddled Lilith to him, gently stroking her hair and antennae. Oddly, it seemed to sooth him too. Lilith purred as Purple stroked her hair and curled into him, settling in his lap. She felt soothed and safe and warm as Purple stroked her head and, purring loudly, her eyes slipped closed.

“Yeah,” Purple agreed with her. “They were. After you disappeared, the Irken tried to kill me.” At the idea that he was a super anything that had saved everyone, Purple had trouble agreeing. Red, however…

“You're right, Lilith. He saved everyone. And without you, I wouldn't have been alerted to the death boxes. So, I might just have to take you both to the bridge and give him the passkeys to my ship for a while.” He looked at Purple. “What do you say? Want to pilot the greatest ship in the universe?”

Purple sniffed nonplussed. “You know I can't. Besides, you don't pilot it either.” The Massive had actual highly trained piloting and navigation drones for that.

Red shrugged. “You can _command_ it to do spins, then.”

Lilith heard Purple and Red talking about the ship and yawned. “Do spins until everyone pukes,” she giggled sleepily, finding that prank hilarious and smiled before she fell asleep in Purple’s lap.

Red chuckled at the suggestion. “I’m sure that could be arranged.”

“Oh, please, let's not,” Purple said, making a face. “I’ve puked enough thanks to smeeting…”

“Not you, everyone else,” Red said chuckling, then he looked at Lilith noticing she was asleep. “Hmm, we should probably take her home. Can you leave the medbay?”

“Lea said I could go home anytime, but I… I didn't want to be alone…” he admitted.

“Ok, then let’s go.” Red held out his hand to Purple, who looked at it for a moment, then took it. Red pulled him to his feet carefully and they left the office. “Lea-Nard? Mik? We’re heading back to our quarters. Lilith’s exhausted.”

Mik nodded. “I’m starting research on the flower pollen and we are continuing research on your sample as well, and Stink should be returning with the second scent sample. I will message you when I have results,” he said.

“And that’s how I learned that while we’re trying to save the ship from imminent doom, Stink’s out having naughty times. Typical Stink,” Red muttered to Purple, rolling his eyes, “Good, carry on,” he then said to Mik. As he started to turn to the door, he stopped and turned back. “About the pollen, Mik, let me give you a little tip: The juice is commonly used in and is always present during espousing ceremonies or, more commonly and notably, during the Maa Ri.”

Purple frowned and looked at Red curiously. “You're having him analyse Tallest Flower pollen?”

“Yep.”

“But why? You already know what it is.”

Red shrugged. “Well, for all I know, it might have a reaction to that Vortian drug. Either way, it would certainly be useful to see what he finds.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Oh, and Lea-Nard… you might want to talk to Mik about how best to tell a child Lilith’s age how a smeet got into Purple’s tummy. _Specifically_ that a detailed description of how Pur and I managed it isn’t something that needs to be discussed out in front of everyone.”

Lea looked up at him in surprise, then glanced to Mik and smiled. “Gotcha, your heinous. And a child her age doesn't need the whole sex talk anyway.”

“Good. And what should I tell her then?”

“We tell our young offspring that mommies and daddies love each other so they got married and, with a little time, love, and patience, babies began to grow inside their mommies.” Then she gestured to them. “Or in your case, Dadis and Damis stopped trying to murder each other for… five minutes sound about right?” she asked sweetly.

Red rolled his eyes. “Good to see that _you_ weren't negatively affected by the day’s events.” With that, he did finally leave.

Red and Purple had laid Lilith down in their bed, then left to the living chamber and settled down on the couch. 

“So,” Red began. “What did you want to tell me?”

Purple sighed and looked down. “I…” He sighed again, not knowing how to begin. “The… there were two. One spoke Irken and one spoke another… a strange, alien language that Lilith seemed to understand.”

“‘Hyooman’. Mik said that the other one is called ‘hyooman’,” Red said. “The same species as Lilith’s alien parent.”

“Oh,” Purple said, considering that for a moment before continuing with his story. “The…. the Irken knew what I am… was… whatever… He said he was going to kill you. He called me a Trophy. When you were dead, then I would become the next Tallest’s Trophy… it wouldn't be me, because they would do something to make it so that you stripped me of the title… I-I don't know…” He didn't want to pull up his PAK memories and have to relive the details.

“Pur, you realise that can't happen, right?”

“If you were gone, then they could do anything they want.”

“No, they couldn't. Pur, you’ll never be anyone’s Trophy again. Ever.”

“How can you be so sure?”

As my Consort, if I was found detective, then, yes, you could've been assigned a new one. But when I made you my _Ascending Tallest_ , that’s all gone. In my absence, no matter what they manage to pin on me, you become the new Tallest in my place. That’s the law. Only if they found an Irken that is taller than you, would you not take my place, but you would still be Ascending Tallest, next in line after them.”

“Oh,” Purple said, furrowing his brow as he considered that information. “So, he was…?”

“Wrong, yes. Or he lied. Lilith said he lied a lot.”

“Okay… but… there’s something else, Red… something I don't think I can say out loud…” he admitted and looked down at his hands. “The-the Irken, he…!” Purple shook his head. “I can't. Please… link our PAK’s and…”

“Are you sure?”

“I… want… No, I _need_ you to know. Please do it now.”

“Okay,” Red said, and a cable slipped from his PAK and connected with Pur’s. As always, Purple felt his PAK defenses drop for Red and offer him full access, his fleshy body was paralyzed.

_’Hi, Sunshine,_ ’ Red said in his mind.

Purple concentrated on the memory files he wanted Red to have, and soon felt Red scanning through them.

_’These?’_

’ _Yeah. All of them’,_ he thought back. His PAK communicated the timeline of memories for Red to copy.

Once he had them and ended the meld, Red watched Purple’s memories, then he sat back in silence. Not only did the memories show Purple’s visual and audio POV, they also included his emotions. Purple had been _terrified_. He had not known exactly what to do and the name, Trophy, had struck Purple deeper than Red could ever have imagined. Had it not been for Purple’s desire to protect Red and Lilith and the knowledge that neither were ever meant to survive despite what he did, Purple might have given in. He also saw that Purple had not meant to kill the hyooman, just put him out of order. He’d been shocked at the sudden death. But when the other had attacked, there was that fire that Red always knew was lying inside of Purple. Purple wasn't merely defending, Purple had seen the attack and countered it with deadly intentions. Purple’s PAK legs were as integrated with Purple as Red’s were with Red. They didn't need to _think_ out what they wanted. It was the perfect integration of ‘see the situation, and act upon it’. Red was impressed. Without any soldier training, Purple had the skill. So what could Purple be with training?

He turned to Purple. “You…. you are amazing,” he whispered. He took his hands. “I know why you feel ashamed, but you don't need to be. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything more right than I’d have expected - er, no offense. I just mean, if you’d done as he said, I wouldn't have blamed you or thought less of you.”

“I… I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know,” Purple said, without looking at Red. Red could sing his praises, but Purple didn't feel there was anything to praise.

“Okay, you don't have to. I just want to say that… you acted excellent in that situation. You’ll make a great pilot if that’s what you choose to do.”

Purple looked up, his brow pursed in an irritated frown. “That makes no sense.”

“But I got you to look at me,” Red grinned.

Purple let out a growl and looked sharply away. “Jerk.”

“Sunshine.”

“Don't call me that,” Purple grumbled.

“Sunshine.”

“Stop it.”

“Make me.”

“Not happening.”

“I love you.”

“...” Purple took a deep breath and let it out in a long huff. “I love you too. But I hate that you make me say it right now.”

Red smiled. Yes, there it was. The real Pur. The fiery-cute one he was so in love with. So… “You win.”

Purple looked up in utter confusion. “What?”

Red kissed him. “You win. For _now_.”

Purple hissed. 

“That’s my Super Nova,” Red purred.


	20. Confession

The entire evening Mik had spent trying to think about why information should be withheld from smeets. Since he couldn’t think of why they shouldn’t be given a detailed answer, Mik waited until Lea returned in the morning to ask his question.

“Why should children not be aware of how matings occur? I understand that as they are not matured, such information is unnecessary at this time, but if she asked should I not tell her?”

“That’s a very good question, isn't it?” Lea asked gently. “But, it’s not only their bodies that haven't matured, it’s also their brains that are still developing.” She paused for a moment to think, then she snapped her fingers. “Ah! The actual mechanics of sex, that is the idea that you have to expose yourself to someone else and allow them entrance into your body, or enter their body, can be traumatising to their young minds. Lilith doesn't have a mechanical brain to regulate her emotional reaction to it.” She looked at Mik thoughtfully. “Well, what were your own thoughts the first time you learned about what it entails? Was it shocking to you? Or strange? Or did you find the idea as normal as breathing?”

“Well...” Mik tilted his antennae thoughtfully. “I found it odd and well.... messy. More inefficient than smeeteries, but fascinating too that bodies were capable of such acts. Then finding that it could create bonds and emotional changes was a very new idea as well, since... we aren’t a species that has a large emotional range with our PAKs.”

“Fascinating,” Lea said, smiling a genuinely interested smile. “And you're an adult, capable of grasping the hows and whys, the workings and the goals. A young child generally can't. It would seem horrifying to them. It’s an invasive act that, for most people, requires a lot of trust. If you’d tell Lilith right now everything, I would foresee one of two reactions: she’d think you were making up entirely ridiculous stories. Or she’d be so shocked and _scared_ that she'd cry. It is simply something she isn't going to be ready for mentally and emotionally.” 

“I see,” Mik said thoughtfully. “That makes sense. Then I am glad we did not put it in our smeet education on Irk. We decided that if the natural born smeets showed signs that they would be able to reproduce, then we would inform them how. Thank you for your explanation.” 

“Very smart choice,” Lea said, smirking. “I suppose it doesn't make any difference for your universe now, but it’s best not to tell children everything at once. On Vort, little children ask all sorts of questions about where babies come from and their own bodies without realising there’s a connection. A typical one at an early age is ‘why do boys have a penis and a girl doesn't?’ and ‘why do moms have babies and dads don't?’, and the answers are the simplest ones you can manage. When they’re ready to know more, they will ask more.” 

“I see,” Mik said, then remembered another reason why he wanted to talk with her. “Oh, could you go over my samples? Having a second opinion would be welcome.”

Lea turned towards the samples. “I’ll let you think about that while I look over your analyses.” She began checking over his results as asked.

Mik waited for Lea to look over the data and see what insights she had. He did hope they would be able to help let the Tallest reaffirm their bonds as he knew it to be important. “What should I tell Lilith if she asks such questions?”

As a medical midwife, she was used to answering questions while checking the results of medical scans. “Boys and girls have different parts because they are different genders. Mommies carry babies because they have the parts to do so and daddies don't. Later comes the question of ‘why do you need mommies and daddies if mommies have the parts and daddies don't. What are daddies for?’ and you stay simple ‘daddies take care of mommies when they’re growing you and then help mommies take care of you when you’re born.’ That’s most likely what Lilith is ready to hear at her age. If she is ready for more, she’ll indicate it.” 

She turned around to see how Mik took that info. She gave him a moment, guessing that, as with Purple, his PAK would save the information.

“I see, yes, that is a very simple and friendly for smeets to understand.” Mik nodded, listening intently to Lea as she explained. It was truly amazing to be able to discuss such things with another professional. Dib would usually answer his questions, but not as willingly or as thorough as Lea did. 

“Isn't it? Simple and honest is best in such cases,” Lea answered. “Not lying, but also not telling too much… Maybe a little white lie here and there,” she said with a shrug. “You're learning. There’s hope for you yet,” she gently teased.

Then she looked at the other experiment results. “A-ha, so the so-called Tallest Flower’s pollen is filled with pheromones. - Well, that explains what Red said about it.” She shook her head, then looked at him. “Mik, it makes Irkens want to have sex. Why they put it in juice instead of perfumes, I don't know.” She shrugged. “As for the drug… I’m honestly lost on this one. We Vortians know it makes Irkens aggressive, but we don't know why. Perhaps we need to analyze an Irken under the influence.”

“I was afraid that we would need test subjects,” Mik said. “If the effects seem to be on the brain it would be good to have a constant scan on them to track the differences. Also I am curious now to see if the drug is causing the violent matings or the juice served afterwards is the cause. We can make two different versions to try out, one drug with the pollen and one without. But to have the best results it would be good to have the same Irken do the tests twice and maybe have a few different Irkens to compare to.” Mik sighed. “ All of which we should discuss with Tallest Red later. For now I am interested in studying the different scents the Irken sub-genders create. Would you be interested in looking over that data with me as well?” he asked. “I value your input.”

“Yes. I’m sure Stink will agree to be a test subject - if he doesn't, we just have to ask Lilith to order him to cooperate,” she chuckled. “And Red wanted to be. And he wanted to be restrained. - I really can't pass _that_ up.”

"Yes, Stink seemed willing to assist. We should test him and Tallest Red." Mik nodded in agreement. 

“Then we shall do that,” Lea said. “Now, as to your results about Red’s semen- ah, mating fluid, you said?” She pointed to something. “This is the hormone that causes Purple problems during sex with… well, his partner. It has a legitimate purpose as it signals his body to open up to allow sperma to pass into his reproductive tract and find his ova. In a normal pregnancy, its presence isn't a problem, but Purple’s body has been reacting too strongly to it.” She looked at him.

“I believe your Irkens’ and this universe’s Irkens’ anatomies are generally quite different, reproductively speaking. Red’s mating fluids do contain a high sugar content - bet the royal pain wants to eat afterwards,” she said with a snicker, but she was only half serious. “Purple doesn't seem to absorb much of the unused fluid from Red. More so than Vortians, but not much. Ergo, I don't believe Red can nourish either him or his smeet with it. But Purple also doesn't seem to require as much nourishment as you've said yours did?” 

Mik nodded. “Yes, the Taller an Irken is the more they need to eat to maintain their bodies which is why invaders tend to be shorter Irkens and Tallers get important jobs on the Massive where there is an abundance of snacks.”

“That makes sense,” Lea said. “I don't even know how it works here. The shorter Irkens seem to eat far less than Red and Purple do. I’ve noticed that from the… so-called medical drones stationed here. I figured that was a privilege thing, though.

“Perhaps some kind of barrier would suffice. Something that allows for sex, but not the transfer of mating fluids.” She turned to Mik with an expectant smile for a moment. “Vortians have such a thing, but I’ve yet to meet an Irken that’ll go for it.”

“We could suggest the barrier and see if Tallest Purple would like to try it,” Mik said. “If it works the same here, then mating would help reaffirm the bond between the two.”

“He has repeatedly expressed a desire to be able to have sex with his partner,” Lea said. “I suggested alternatives to penetrative sex, but he is not happy with that. And, yes, I think that sexual bonding is what Purple is missing.

“In Vortian couples, sex outside of reproduction is a way for a couple to keep up their bond too. We call it ‘expressing love’,” she said with a shrug, then repeated the term in Vortian. “It doesn't translate well, actually. It’s a mixture of expressing, showing, giving, and taking love, but that doesn't even touch it really. It’s most literal translation is ‘to combine... everything’ between those in a relationship.” As a person who never experienced it that way, she felt out of her league, she could only say what her patients and friends had told her about how sexual intimacy in a marriage made them feel. 

Mik repeated the Vortian word and Lea smiled as he tried to pronounce it.

“Your tongue’s in the wrong place; curl the tip inward when you say it.” She was impressed that he tried it and he got every other part right.

"It seems that mating and finding a partner is complicated and involved no matter the species," Mik mused.

“It is indeed,” Lea agreed. “There has to be something more than just reproductive compatibility that brings two together.”

“I wonder if the Tallest will be looking to be in a Union... or whatever they do here,” Mik wondered out loud.   
  


“What is a union?” 

"It is my Irk's way of forming life partners. What happens is two Irkens go before the Control Brains and declare they wish to be Union partners. They will then code the Irken's PAK as half belonging to the other Irken. This means that they first belong to each other, then the Empire. As such they must be entirely loyal to each other and cause each other no harm. To harm the other is to harm oneself which is defective behavior. Also an attack on one is an attack to the other and both may retaliate. Should one die, the surviving Irken cannot be in a Union with any other Irken."

Lea’s eyes widened. “That… is very interesting. What Purple and Red have described about Life Mates… and what I just may have read on the side, it’s generally quite similar. They have a mating bite they do and the marks must be registered, as far as their weird and barbaric Wor Hol thing is concerned… 

“Legally, as far as Irken law goes, an Irken who bears the mating mark of another belongs to that Irken. They are not allowed to take another mate and no Irken is allowed to try with someone who bears the mark. It supposedly smells to them, so they can always tell when someone has a mating mark. - I can't smell it, but Purple's mark worried me. I was afraid it was infected because it didn't seem to be healing, buuuut apparently their venom causes it to scar temporarily.” She shrugged. 

“Frankly, I don't understand anything about Irkens. Purple wishes to ‘own’ Red the way he owns him. I don't see why Purple can't just mark Red back. - Oh, but the mating mark does need to be refreshed every so often. If it's not done, it will be healed and, if I understand correctly from what I read, another could then do it. - Ugh, I hate Irkens. Forced relationships are forbidden on Vort.” Lea shook her head in disgust at the Irken practices.

"Yes, I find it odd that Tallest Purple does not belong to Tallest Red in the same way,” Mik agreed. 

Lea nodded. “You and me both.

“But,” Mik continued. “In a Union the pair is marked on their foreheads by the Control Brains with opposite marks, the marks are permanent and serve as a sign to others that they are mated, but there is no scent." He sighed. "Unfortunately, I cannot understand the scents as I am unable to pick them up." 

“Aside from the laws of Life Mates, there doesn't seem to be anything about Control Brain involvement in Irken couples,” Lea said.

“I will have to ask Tallest Red how involved the Control Brains are here,” Mik mused. “If there are no scents and activation, how do Vortians find mates?” 

Lea chuckled at the question. “That’s complicated too. Two individuals that have a lot in common and like each other are the general criteria. Sometimes it’s not even clear what attracts two people to another. It’s not a perfected, efficient, or logical thing.” She blinked. Then laughed. “That sounds very ridiculous, doesn't it? And sometimes Vortians and Irkens become mates. Don't ask me why, but it’s happened a few times.”

“No less ridiculous than falling through a florpus hole,” Mik commented. “And Interspecies? Is that commonly accepted here?” he asked curiously. 

“Or watching sex videos for reaseach purposes on the Massive with someone of a different species, right?” she chided and Mik nodded. She sobered up. “Yes, so far. Irkens and Vortians work together a lot, so I suppose it’s not surprising some relationships might go beyond pure work.” Then she realised something. “I suppose in your universe that doesn't happen. Is it because you have to be sexually activated before you even get a clue about pairing up with anyone?”

“Well, yes to all the cases but one, obviously,” Mik said, referring to Lilith. “The Irkens the Control Brain choose, get activated and go to Irk. Then there is a time allotted for them to intermingle and find potential partners.” 

“They have a time limit to pair up?” Lea asked, looking right at him. “What was the success rate of that endeavor?”

"It lasted a few months and about 70% of the activated Irkens had found mates, or mated, with 60% having smeets. Some pairings resulted in bonded Irkens that were not of the correct genders to reproduce. Of course there have been Irkens who found no partner and returned to their work. So I suppose it is possible if they are in contact with another species to mate with them, but nothing has been reported to me. I do not think it is not allowed, it just isn’t done yet. The Irkens who have been activated have only been so for .5 Irken years,” Mik explained. 

Lea gave a shrug and smile. “There you go. Hopefully your colleagues figure out that asking Vortians about familial relationships could be a good thing.”

Mik grew quiet at her mention about Vort in his world. "Lea-Nard... there is something I confess I have difficulty in speaking about."

She picked up on the solemn change of tone and turned to give him her full attention. “And that is? I may not be the one you wish to confess to, but… I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. Do… you like someone you're not compatible with?” she guessed.

Mik shook his head at her question and looked down at his hands. “Our universes are very different, and just because one thing happened here, or there, doesn’t mean that it is destined to happen,” he rambled. “And well... in my universe... Vort was… conquered and is now under Irken control. It’s a manufacturing planet,” he said, keeping his head down.

Lea blinked. Whatever she’d been expecting to hear, that wasn't it. “Irken control? Figures you bloody cyborgs would do something like that,” she grumbled, more to herself than to him. Then she turned back to him and, because of how hard it had been for him to admit it and how honestly sorry he looked, her expression turned apologetic.

“Well, you're surprisingly not half bad, Mik.” She even smiled a little and placed her hand on his shoulder and his antennae perked up. 

“Yes, I find your company most stimulating and wish to continue with our collaboration on medical science,” Mik said.

“Anyway, here, Vort is allied with the Empire. Was it not in your universe?” Then she shook her head. “Nah, I doubt that would matter. It’s a relatively well-known fact that the word of the Irken Empire does not hold much standing.”

Mik nodded, confirming her suspicions. “While I can logically understand that telling you has no effect on this or that universe, talking freely and exchanging information was becoming challenging without this acknowledgement. And lying to you...” Mik paused. “Lying has no scientific purpose and as a medic drone doing so goes against my code. 

I would prefer not to lie in your presence, Lea-Nard, since you are helping Tallest Purple.” 

“Oh my, an Irken with a guilty conscience? Well blow me away!” She squeezed his shoulder. “Thank you. I appreciate your honesty.” Then, so as not to impose on him, for she knew not all Irkens were as open with friendly contact as Vortians and it was not lost on her that he hadn't been engaging in physical contact with other Irkens, she lowered her hand again.

“It’s the same for me, Mik. I find I’ve quite enjoyed your company and our collaborations.” She gave a sigh. “It’s made my stay aboard the Massive decidedly more interesting. I thought I was going to be bored most of the time, when I got summoned here,” she admitted. “On that note, just call me Lea. ‘Nard’ is more of a… family name, well, not exactly a family name. Let’s just say it’s more formal than I think we need to be.”

“Lea,” Mik repeated. “Oh, a shortened name to show familiarity and affection to individuals that are close.” Then he blinked. “ _I_ can call you that?” he asked, a bit dumbfounded at the friendly offer. “I, well, thank you.” He seemed a little off balance. No one had ever extended such a courtesy to him before and he wanted to reciprocate the gesture and show his appreciation. 

“Oh, um, my name is already shortened and I never had you call me by my title because, well, you aren’t Irken and I was technically coming into your space here, so I am working more as your assistant or co-worker. Thus, I never thought such things were necessary. There isn’t an equal gesture I can offer back, but...” He looked down at his hands as he babbled. “Oh! I do know of an affirming and affectionate gesture that is done among humans and is often used as a means of thanks,” He said, opening his arms. “I can briefly wrap my arms around you in a commonly-called ‘hug’; this will show that I thankful and it is also a show of trust that you do not stab me in my spooch.” 

Lea grinned pleasantly at his bumbling about. When he offered the hug, she stepped forward and embraced him, their cheeks touching as she gently squeezed him. “This is common among Vortians too and especially good to do with children. But it’s also pleasant for adults who are on friendly terms.” 

“Hmm,” Mik said, thoughtfully as they hugged. “After finding Lilith, I do remember squeezing her in a similar manner, but the feeling was different,” he said. “I find this is more soothing and pleasant. And you are not carrying around bombs, so that is good.” 

Lea chuckled at Mik’s observation. “That’s true, I am indeed not carrying any bombs or other explosives.” 

She had never hugged an Irken before and it was… not as unpleasant as she would have thought. Then again, Mik _himself_ wasn't as unpleasant as she would have thought, so she squeezed him once more. Oddly, her face felt warmer than it should and she released him again, taking a polite step back even though Mik was sure to see.

When she squeezed him a second time Mik somehow felt that the second hug was warmer. It could be from prolonged body contact. Pulling back and seeing her face flushed, he said, “Lea, your cheeks are flushed, which is a show of embarrassment.” He pointed it out not realizing that his own face was warm. 

She reached up and touched her cheek “Are they?” Was she actually blushing after simply _hugging_ the medic? An _Irken_ medic no less? Yes… yes, she certainly was. She lowered her hand and shrugged. “Well, guess I liked it. How odd. But you are blushing too. Are _you_ embarrassed?” she asked.

Mik put his hands to his face. “Am I? How interesting. No, I do not feel embarrassed, but warm? A good warm? If I was sexually activated this could be a sign that I was interested in you as a potential mating partner, but I am incapable of such acts,” he said. “Do... do you mind scanning me? I am interested in any biological differences I may be experiencing.” 

“Not at all,” Lea said, and picked up his reader. “Computer, you scan him as well. I’m sure Mik will want as many readings to analyse as possible.”

“ _Yes, Dr. Lea-Nard,”_ it said.

“Sexual attraction isn't the only kind, perhaps you feel attracted to me in another way,” she suggested as she began scanning him. “For example, I’ve been sexually activated since puberty and am physically fully functional, but I still don't experience sexual attraction for others as most people seem to. I am not incapable of feeling a desire to be close to another person physically, such as holding hands or hugging… Usually with children and not in a romantic sense.” She finished his scan, then handed the reader back to him. “Never thought my first time with an adult would also be with an _Irken_ , but these things never do seem to make much sense.” She folded her arms and tapped her finger fingers thoughtfully, then lowered her arms again. “Would you… want to hug me again and then scan me as well?”

"Oh, yes of course, we should gather data for both of us," Mik said, and eagerly went in for another hug. Wrapping his arms around the Vortian, he again experienced the warm feeling, and he rather liked it he decided. "This is quite calming," he stated.

This time, when he hugged her, she closed her eyes for the moment. It was then that she noticed his scent. Her scent receptors were not as strong as an Irken’s, but Mik had his own scent. Mostly sterile as one would expect from a medic. She decided that, yes, she liked the hug too. Somehow. So, “Yes, it is,” she agreed.

Mik pulled back and Lea held still while he scanned her. “Actually, Mik, if you haven't had the opportunity because your Vort was conquered and you're curious, you may… do a full scan of me. There _are_ some anatomical differences between Vortians and Irkens, after all.” She ignored the weird look from one of the various drones wandering about doing whatever she’d assigned him to in the hopes of keeping him out of her... horns.

"Oh!" Mik perked up at the offer. "If you are willing, then yes I would very much like the chance to study your biology and compare anatomy with you," he said, eager to scan her. He used this reader and checked the data, not noticing behind him that one medic nudged the other and both nodded approvingly. They would be logging that pick up line away for later use. 

Lea didn't miss that, however, but said nothing to them. “Would you care to participate in a little experiment?” she asked him softly. “Since evidence seems to suggest that was your first time hugging and blushing from it… --” she leaned so close her lips almost brushed his skin as she whispered near one of his antennae. “-- you could hug another Irken and see if you feel similar with them.” She was curious if it would be just with her or if he really just had never hugged anyone before. She glanced at the Irkens and grinned, then held her hand before her mouth to ensure only Mik heard. “Although, let’s keep it limited to a couple others, lest you get the reputation of ‘hug-beast’.” She drew back and waited to see what he said.

"Oh, yes, getting such a reputation might make it more difficult to engage with others." Mik nodded. "And I am also curious to see if my body responds the same way with other Irkens. Who do you suggest we ask to be a part of our experimentation?" he asked, behind him, the medics' eyes nearly popped out of their heads.

Without missing a beat, Lea pointed behind him. “These two who just can't seem to keep their antennae out of my business,” she said in an authoritative tone as she straightened back up. “They’d clearly be delighted to volunteer and, after that, you and I can go compare our anatomy in my office where we won't be bothered.”

Mik nodded then turned to the two startled medics behind him. Going over to the first one, a small female, he said, "I am conducting experiments on various stimulations to the body. Thank you for volunteering. I am going to hold you for a moment," he said, and then briefly embraced the Irken. 

The small Irken was due to start their basing any day now, but just so happened to start as Mik held her. Or perhaps because she was so flustered it triggered her scent to spike. Either way when he pulled back her scent increased and the Tartling next to her was able to pick up on it. Mik studied her face. "You are blushing which indicates you might be considering me to be a potential mate, however I cannot mate with you." Mik turned to the Irken who was also blushing and staring as the basing Irken. Unknown to everyone the Tartling had been working up the courage to make their interest known to the Baseling. "However, they also appear to be interested in you being their potential mating partner." The Baseling turned to the Irken next to her and nodded, unknown to everyone, she had been pining after the other. "Oh! Then the two of you should go see if you are compatible," he suggested and they both nodded. 

Mik turned back around and went over to Lea. "I did not experience the same reactions myself as with you," he said. "Shall we go to your office?"

  
“No? Not at all?” Lea asked, and was surprised over the feelings that knowledge incited in her. She was _glad_ to hear it. ‘ _Oh, Lea, Lea, Lea,_ ’ she thought to herself. ‘ _How could you fall for an Irken?_ ’ She voiced none of these thoughts aloud, though; instead, she nodded to Mik. “Yes, after you.” She indicated her door and decided she was also going to make it so he could enter freely, to give him the digital key to her door, as it were.


	21. Things Get Hot on the Massive

In Lea’s office, Mik turned to her. “Shall we place both of our scans on your screen to make comparisons? Also I do not think I should repeat the hug experiment. I would hate to cause a misunderstanding. Besides, I have no need to show appreciation or affection to the other Irkens here.” 

Lea nodded. “Yes, just send them,” she said. “I would be very interested to see too.” She was also happier than she had any business being when she heard he didn't wish to continue the hug experiment. Part of it certainly was relief that he wasn't going to go try hugging every Irken on the Massive, as some might react aggressively to it, but also because she liked the idea of being the only one he wanted to be close to. “Alright. We’ll consider the experiment concluded.”

Mik sent over the scans and they popped up on Lea’s screen. When she agreed to end the hug experiment, Mik was relieved. Something about being that close to other Irkens just seemed... unnecessary. However, and it was an entirely odd thought, being near Lea felt... nice. Like being first in line for fresh donuts. Warm and all good feelings. He would have to analyze this sensation more. “Lea...” he began, a bit uncertain. “If... you do not mind, I would like to continue the hug experiment...” He paused. “However, if you could just be the consistent variable it would be helpful to me. I seem to be experiencing emotions in illogical situations and I would like to analyze them further.” 

Lea blinked at the request when her brain caught up with him. “Oh, you would? Does that mean you want to hug me again?” She smiled warmly. “I wouldn't mind that in the slightest.” That was certainly an understatement, for she found herself _hoping_ that’s what he wanted. “And you’ll have to tell me what you're feeling, because maybe I can help you figure them out. I do have a _little_ first hand experience with emotions after all.” She winked. _‘Ooh, grow up, Lea, you're acting like a little girl with her first crush,’_ she silently admonished herself.

“Yes, I would actually.” Mik nodded. “And I would appreciate the input; however, they are quite illogical,” he warned before beginning. “I feel no need to be in close proximity to other Irkens and only do so when necessary for work, like when assisting patients. However, I do find that there is appeal in having close proximity with you even if we are not required to do so. For example, if we were to sit I would prefer if you sat in the closer chair than behind your desk. It makes more sense for you to sit behind your desk, but I would feel comforted if you were closer. A similar feeling to... to having your own set of medical tools and not borrowing them from another; familiar and comfortable and relieving even,” he explained the best he could. 

Lea smiled and wrapped her arms around him. “Why you sweet-talker,” she complimented him in a warm tone. “Want to hear something just as illogical? I feel the same way about you. On that note, I might have a solution. - Computer, install a second chair beside mine for Mik.”

_”Yes, Dr. Lea-Nard,”_ it said and a panel in the floor opened from which cables came out and formed another chair that hovered next to her own behind her desk.

“That solves the chair problem,” Lea concluded.

“Oh!” Mik said, blinking at the chair and feeling quite pleased. And having her arms around him felt very nice. Sweet-talker? Did she mean he smelled sweet when she was close? That was relieving. Sugar and sweet scents were always nice. 

She smiled and couldn't help gently rubbing his back. “And how’s this?” she asked in a tone that was quieter and softer than usual. She lightly touched her cheek to his, then turned her head a little so she could inhale his scent again. Yes, clean and sweet and thankfully free from strong perfumes, would be how she’d describe it. Who knew an Irken would smell _good?_ If she was honest, though, it wasn't just other _Irkens_ he was topping, for she had never enjoyed another _Vortian’s_ scent this much either. Babies and children had always smelled nice to her, but he was even nicer than them.

“This is very nice,” Mik said, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Touching faces together spreads a very soft warmth. It almost feels like we are atoms sharing electrons. It feels good, comforting and, hmmm, full,” he said, feeling very soothed by her touch. “Yes, the most stable of all atomic connections,” he said. “It would take a great deal of energy for me to want to part at this moment.” 

Lea closed her eyes and exhaled contentedly as she rested her chin on his shoulders. “Yes, I feel exactly the same way.” She slid one hand slowly over his PAK, and rested it on his back beneath it. “Strange; even with your PAK to prove it is indeed an Irken I’m holding, I don't feel any less comfortable.”

Mik didn’t respond as he felt himself slip into a new state of relaxation. It was like his PAK had gone into a waking rest mode and, without realizing it, his throat began to vibrate in a self-soothing manner to further relax his body. He was, in fact, _purring._

Lea opened her eyes at the sound, but upon determining that it was coming from him (his throat against her shoulder gave it away), she closed them again. The sound was soothing to her as well. And it was _her_ that he was purring for. For now, she wouldn't have moved for anything in the world.

Feeling warm and soothed, and unlike anything he had experienced before, Mik stayed still. Moving away from this sensation, well... there was no logical reason to do so. 

As a little test, she raised one hand and gently touched his cheek with the backs of her fingers, caressing ever-so-lightly. It was both because it felt like the natural thing to do in the moment, and she was curious what he’d think of that.

The soft touch on his cheek startled Mik, a natural response to such stimulus, but he felt no need to pull away. Instead he pulled back just enough to look at Lea’s face. “I feel a magnetic pull towards you,” he said, resting their foreheads together. Then, completely on their own, his antennae fell forward to brush against her horns and _that_ startled him into jumping back as the sensation was electric in nature. “Oh!” he gasped as his face flushed and he brushed back his antennae. “My apologies, I don’t quite understand why they won’t stay back,” he said as they kept pointing towards her which could be seen as an aggressive angle. 

She had enjoyed the brief forehead and antennae touch. As he looked at her in alarm and apology, she reached up and brushed her hand over her ‘horns’, then smiled at him. “Somehow, I don't believe ‘aggression’ is the emotion they’re indicating at the moment.”

“Yes, agreed. I do not feel any aggression, but I have no other reason that makes sense for their unwillingness to lay back,” Mik said. “I would not want to make you uncomfortable with my erratic and malfunctioning body. Perhaps I should have my PAK checked. Maybe the florpus hole had effects I have not detected yet.” 

“Well, as a colleague of mine always said, ‘once you have removed all the impossible options, the one that remains, however improbable, must be the correct one’,” she said softly. “The florpus hole is a possibility.” She took a step forward. “However, I have neither been through a florpus hole, nor do I have a PAK that could be malfunctioning, yet I am experiencing… _unexpected_ reactions to you as well.” She then closed the distance between them. “If it helps at all, Mik, you haven't made me uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, actually.” She chuckled. “I never thought an Irken would invoke such feelings in me.”

“I... oh...” Mik was preoccupied with trying to hold back his antennae until he felt Lea step up close. “The only other reason I can think of is that I have mating instincts towards you, but well... those parts are not active in my body,” he said, not upset or uncomfortable by her closeness, rather he felt soothed and relaxed. “I do feel a strong, almost magnetic pull to have skin contact,” he admitted. 

“Well, maybe because you're here and no longer confined by your universe’s restrictions, you’re experiencing changes.” She reached out and took one of Mik’s hands, then held it against her cheek. “How exactly _do_ Irkens get activated in your universe?”

Mik took in the soft but also strong texture of her skin. Vortians were like Irkens in that they had a strong ability to heal and were tough to wound. A warm sensation was spreading along his palm and up his arm from where they touched. “Well, an Irken would get chosen by the Control Brains and then their PAK would be manually activated. I did several activations myself,” he said, intrigued by how the warmth was spreading. 

“What did it take to activate them? Is it like a switch or a data download?” As she spoke, her voice was at a soft, slightly deepened tone. One she generally used when calming upset children, but also the one she used when she was relaxed. She slowly slid his hand up to one of her horns, all the time looking him right in the eyes, her expression open and content. When he made contact, her own breath caught. Despite the plates covering and protecting them, they were sensitive to warmth and pressure, much like an Irken’s antennae.

“There is a button in the PAK that needs to be activated, in order to switch that portion of the body and brain on,” Mik explained. “Then the reproductive organs will wake up and begin to be of use with stimulation and, oh--” Mik cut himself off as she led him to touch her ‘horns’. “These are pleasant to the touch,” he said, his antennae falling forward to brush her forehead and he swore he could pick up a slightly sweet and soft, soaplike scent. 

“I see,” Lea said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Oddly not all that different from what puberty does,” she added, though she was not quite as focused on the discussion as she usually would have been. His hand felt warm, _nice_ on her sensitive appendages. She allowed herself to just enjoy it as well as the soft, feathery touch of his antennae upon her forehead. Then she forced her mind to focus on the ‘problem’. “Is it possible these things could still activate on their own somehow?”

“Well... I, uh, am unsure... the only other to have done so was Zim and ... he was known to experiment on... his PAK,” Mik said, trying to stay focused on speaking as the nice scent and the heat slowly creeping up his arm to his face and down his chest were making it hard to focus. 

_“Oh, I see,”_ Lea whispered. It was only half-true, for most of what she could _see_ right then was two eyes of monochromatic pink and she had the feeling of getting lost in them.

  
  


*******

  
  


Lilith woke up and yawned. Crawling over to the edge of the bed, she whispered _"Mothman,"_ for the bed to let her out. Perking up her antennae, she heard Purple and Red talking. She made a 'shhhhh' sound up at the ceiling, then looked around the room and spotted exactly what she was looking for and began tugging on the grate. Red never said she _couldn't_ go look for the boxes, just that they weren't for smeets and, at almost four, she wasn't really a smeet anymore.

_“Lilith, I must advise you not to go into the ventilation shafts. They are dangerous,”_ the computer said. _”There are many safer ways to get whenever you are going on this ship. I could offer you some if you like.”_

"But, Mr. Computer," Lilith said, finally tugging the vent free and falling backwards, the vent landing behind her with a clang. "That's where all the fun stuff is."

_”Lilith, I cannot allow you to put yourself in danger. I believe I have made all the clocks ‘sleep’, but I am not sure I have found all of them.”_

“Really? More?” Lilith asked excitedly, and clapped her hands, forgetting to be quiet and started to crawl towards the vent entrance.

_”Yes, Lilith. Please don't make me stop you from hurting yourself.”_

Lilith sat and looked between the vent and the ceiling. She _reeeeeeally_ wanted to go look for more death boxes, but Mr. Computer sounded very upset too. She felt so torn and kept inching forward then stopping. The draw of explodey boxes so very tempting.

The computer said nothing at first, until it was clear that the inching was heading for exactly the goal she wasn't supposed to. Then… _”Lilith, please do not, or else I will either have to notify Tallest Red and Highest Purple, or stop you myself.”_

“But, Mr. Computer! If there are explodey death boxes in the vents, then I want to play with them! I’ll be careful, promise!” Lilith said, trying to reason so as to not get in trouble or make her friend upset.

_”Why would you want to do that? It is dangerous. There are many other fun things to do aboard the Massive.”_

"Explosions are fun," Lilith argued. "And what kind of fun things?" she asked, the comment catching her interest.

_”Explosions are only fun when they aren't a danger to your system,”_ it said. _”I could show you the flight simulator, if you like.”_ It had worked for Highest Purple, so it thought that might be fun for Lilith too. _”You can blow up enemy ships.”_

Lilith perked up at that. “The flight simulator? Yeah! I wanna play with that,” she said, turning away from the vent to look up at the ceiling.

_”Good. Then just follow the markings.”_ The floor lit up, leading off in the direction of the same flight simulator Purple had once played with. It still sent a message to Red though.

“Oooo!” Lilith’s eyes lit up as she saw the small lit up spots on there floor. She hopped onto the first light, then hopped onto the second one, then hopped on the third, liking this new game a lot. It was like when Gir drew hopscotch on the floor in the labs. “One! Two! Three!” she counted the lights as she jumped on them. Then hopped over the next one. “Five!” She giggled, landing on the fifth light, as she made her way across the bedroom floor.

Red and Purple were cuddled up on the couch and, as Purple still didn't feel much better about his whole ordeal, he was half-dozing on Red when the computer suddenly spoke.

_”My Tallest, Lilith wishes to go to the flight simulator.”_

“What? She’s awake?” Red’s gaze flitted to the hallway and he saw the lit up floor. “You're _taking_ her there?!”

_”It was either that or she was going to go into the ventilation shafts to look for more ‘explodey clocks’, my Tallest.”_

Red groaned. “I thought I took care of that.”

_”Clearly it takes more than ‘they’re not for smeets’, Sir.”_

Again Red groaned. “But… I don't want her going alone and Pur needs me right now.”

The robot, Compy, suddenly sprung up from where it had laid in a heap on the floor. _”Smeet watcher Compy at your service, Sir!”_ It said saluting.

“Yeah, but you can't leave the quarters, can you?” He pointed to the power cable. 

A hand came down from the ceiling and a small panel slid open revealing a socket. The customised SIR unit dubbed Compy plugged its cable in. _”Acceptable, my Tallest?”_

Red looked at the robot on a leash and sighed, then shrugged. “Yeah, okay, fine. But if anything happens to her, I will dismantle you myself.”

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

“And at the first sign of danger, she is to be brought back here.”

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

“Her safety is top priority, do you understand?”

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

“Good. Now go. Perhaps if Pur feels up to it, we’ll join you later.”

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

  
  
  


Lilith hopped along the light up path until she nearly bumped into Compy in the hall. “This is fun!” she said. “Look how far I can jump!” she squatted down, then leapt up to jump over two of the floor lights.

_”Very nice jump, Lilith,”_ Compy said and clapped. It removed half the lights for a few metres so they became like stepping stones across a pond. 

_”Watch out, the floor is molten.”_

To add to the effect, the parts of the floor that weren't lit up turned red, then Compy hopped up to her and whispered, _”It isn't really because Tallest Red would dismantle me, but… I think you called it ‘pretend’?”_

Lilith gasped as the floor turned colors and she spun to hold Compy’s small robot face between her hands. “You play ‘the Floor is Lava’ too?” she asked, most excited. “That’s my Daddy’s and me’s favorite game! I’m super good at it while Daddy always ends up as a lava monster. If you fall in the lava, you become a lava monster and try to tag the other person if they fall in lava. If you get tagged, then you are the lava monster!”

_”Since her arrival on the Massive, head medic Lea-Nard has connected me to the Vortian information database and uploaded information about Vortian families, including pregnancy and the raising of Vortian children. This was one among many games played by Vortian children. - I have never heard of this ‘tagging’ though. I do not think Tallest Red would like it if I tagged you as Irkens do their slaves. It has been known to be painful.”_

Lilith frowned at Compy. “Irkens must play tag _really_ hard then. Let’s not do hard tag; if you become a lava monster just tag me like this,” she lightly tapped his shoulder. “And if I fall and become the lava monster, I’ll tag you like that too. We’ll play nice tag.”

  
  


_”Okay, I think Tallest Red will not mind ‘nice tagging’, since that won't be hard enough to damage you nor do I have to use my lasers.’_

"Okay! Oh! We should play laser tag another day! I think Red and Purple would want to play that too, so we should wait for them.” Before leaving the rooms, Lilith poked her head into the living room where the two were cuddling on the couch. She giggled seeing them. "Compy and I are gonna go play! You two can stay here and _kiiiiiiss,_ " she said in a sing song voice.

Red and Purple both looked at Lilith as she spoke.

“Alright,” Red said. “But if I call you back here, you must promise to return promptly.” 

“Okay!” Lilith said and giggled before hopping on the stepping stones of light right out the door. 

Once she had left, Purple turned to Red. “She has a point. We should kiss now that we’re alone,” he said. “In fact, I… I want more than that.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Red, I want sex. Real, penetrant sex. I want to know I’m still yours, not that other Irken’s, who tried. And I don't care about Lea’s rules either. I _need_ this,” he told Red in a tone that showed he wasn't easily going to take ‘no’ for an answer.

Red smiled up at him. “Did I ever tell you how sexy you are when you’re demanding?”

“Then don't _tell_ me, _show_ me.” Then Purple titled his non-existent nose towards the ceiling. “And don't keep wasting my time.” He couldn't help glancing down at Red to see how his little game was coming off. To his delight, Red looked _hungry_ and for _him!_ “...Well?” he asked with a notably impatient note. “I’m _waiting_ and I don't _want_ to be.”

Red scooped him up in his arms and stood up. “As you wish… _my Tallest,”_ Red purred, then whisked Purple off to their bed.

  
  


+++++

  
  


Lilith began hopping her way down the hall with Compy behind her. However, turning a corner she almost ran into Stink and he stumbled to not knock her over and stepped onto the red light. "Stink!" Lilith shrieked at him, startling him. "The floor is lava! Get on the stones before you DIE!" She said the last word most dramatically.

Stink was so startled by the warning that he hastily sprung onto the ‘safe’ part of the floor with a shriek and looked at the ‘lava’ part fearfully, He panted a bit as though he needed to catch his breath, then looked at Lilith. “Oh, thanks so much, Laaa-Lil- no… Lily, was it?”

"You can call me Lily," Lilith nodded. "My Daddy calls me Lily-bug. I saved you again." She grinned up at him. "You almost became a lava monster. You can't step on the lava, only on the stones." She demonstrated by hopping onto a safe spot. When another Irken came around the corner, Lilith was too involved in her game to be concerned that they were a stranger and shrieked at the Irken in a most distressed voice as she pointed to the floor. "LAVA!" Startling the poor soul onto a 'safe spot'. _"Don't step on the red,"_ she told the newcomer in a very low and distressed voice.

“Ohhhhh,” Stink said, catching on finally. “A game!” He giggled and jumped to another part. “Alright, well… I was actually just on my way to the medbay to give this cuff --” He held it up. “-- to Medical Drone Mik, so… want to join me to make sure I don't become a lava monster?”

Lilith giggled and nodded. "Compy," she turned to the robot behind her. "We should make sure Stink gets to Uncle Mik without becoming a lava monster. Then we can go play video games!"

_”Of course, Tallest Smeet Lilith, Invader Stink,”_ it said formally. The floor turned red in the direction Stink had been going and white ‘stones’ lit up, this time in a more random pattern, but still manageable for Lilith and Stink.

“Thanks!” Stink said. “And, Computer, you don't have to use my title right now… I’m off-duty and we’re playing a game.”

"This way!" Lilith hopped from stone to stone, startling every Irken they passed and making them stand on the 'safe' stones until she, Stink, and Compy passed by.

Stink followed along after. As a trained Invader with even a couple successful missions under his belt, he had no trouble with it. Still, he didn't like the unfair advantage he had over the charming little smeet, so he let himself look like it was much harder than it was and even ‘stumbled’ a couple times. He _really_ hoped the computer wouldn't betray him.

Lilith laughed as Stink stumbled. “You almost became a lava monster! Watch this!” she said, making a big jump as they neared the medbay.

Stink hopped along after her. “Hi, Flobee!” he greeted his surprised, wide-eyed colleague as he hopped by him.

“Stink… what are you _doing?”_ the shorter Irken asked incredulously, who just happened to be standing on one of those safe ‘stones’.

“Lily and I are playing a game,” Stink said matter-of-factly. “You can't stand on the red parts because they're lava.”

“Is there something going around and is it infectious?”

“Not that I know of,” Stink answered and hopped to another. “Why?”

“Because everyone in the medbay is acting weird and now you two.”

“The medbay? That’s where I’m headed! What’s going on in there?”

Flobee shrugged. “Apparently the Vortian and that new guy, Mil or Min or Mis or whatever his name is, have got somethin’ going on and… they just sent two people home to ‘mate’.”

“Oh, you mean Mik and Lea-Nard?” Stink asked and Flobee nodded. “Why that sly little beast!” Stink laughed. “He’s got a taste for _exotic fruit_. And she likes him too?”

Flobee nodded. “That’s what I heard.”

“Oh, that lucky guy!” Stink exclaimed, then hopped to another. “Well, gotta go before Lily beats me to the medbay. Cya, Flobee!”

Flobee rolled his eyes and started to take a step when he froze with his foot hanging in midair and eyed the red floor doubtfully. Stink wasn't known to lie about these things, so he reconsidered and, instead, hopped to the next, then frantically waved his arms as he nearly stumbled, but managed to catch himself.

“Look, Stink!” Lilith said, pointing ahead. “We are almost to safety! There can be no lava in the medbay because it’s a safe zone,” she explained. “No lava monsters allowed; even if you were one, once you cross over, the Magic Healing Powers make you better and back to a person again,” she explained.

“Oh, good!” Stink exclaimed. “Because I don't know if Lea-Nard and Mik would like us hopping around the medbay.”

“Yeah,” Lilith agreed. “It’s not a good place to play. Where do you think Lea and Uncle Mik like to go play when they’re not working?” she asked Stink, as she had only seen them when they were working.

Stink hopped the rest of the way to Lilith, then paused and thought about it. “Oh, well, now that they’re together, I would guess their favourite place to play is probably their bedrooms.” He shrugged as though it was an obvious fact, though his tone was kind.

“Oh, yep,” Lilith agreed as she took the last hop into the doorway of the medbay. “Their bedroom is probably where Lea and Uncle Mik keep all their toys,” she said in earshot of several of the other medics.

“That’s where I’d keep mine, if I had any Vortian toys…” Stink agreed and joined her in front of the medbay. “Okay, well, here we go: No more lava monster!” And the panel right in front of the door was normal-coloured. When he stepped on it, the door opened automatically.

Inside, he saw neither Mik nor Lea-Nard. “Mik? Hey, um, are you here?”

A medical drone walked up and shook his head. “They’re here, but they’re in her office…--” he lowered his voice to a whisper. “-- ‘ _comparing their anatomy’,_ if you catch my drift.” He winked suggestively, then in a normal tone, said, “So, unless it’s a quickie, you may have to wait a while.”

Stink nodded. “Okay.” He made himself comfortable and sat on an exam table, then patted for Lilith to join him. “They’re in there together and we have to wait until they’re done.”

_”Shall I alert them of your presence?”_ the computer asked.

Stink shook his head. “No, no… I wouldn't want to bother them if they want a moment to enjoy each other’s company.” He looked to Lilith. “We can wait that long, right? Oh! And when they come out, we can congratulate them!”

“Okay,” Lilith said, climbing up to sit next to Stink and patting the spot next to her for Compy. “What are we gonna congratulate them on?” she asked.

“Oh, you didn't hear Flobee? He said Mik and Lea-Nard have decided to be a couple.” He paused. Maybe she didn't know that term. “You know, kinda like Tallest Red and Highest Purple. - Just probably without the smeet.” He chuckled sheepishly. “I don't think an Irken and a Vortian can have smeets together.”

“Are they gonna get married?” Lilith clapped her hands together excitedly. Then at his smeet comment, she tilted her head curiously. “How come they can’t have smeets? With love and science anything is possible,” she said. “That’s what Daddy says. That’s how he and Pops made me.”

“Oh,” Stink said as she explained. “Well, then maybe they will. Vortian scientists can do just about anything! They built this ship, after all.”

Lilith thought for a moment. “If Uncle Mik has smeets, they are gonna have a hard time. Uncle Mik can be a lot.”

“‘A lot’? Actually, he’s… pretty little. He’s a shorty,” Stink said chuckling. “But they’ll have Lea-Nard too, and she is the best with smeets, I’ve heard. Maybe they’ll balance each other out then?” He still doubted the two could ever have smeets, since Mik only had his one, primary gender. Not that Stink knew much - or anything - about Irken fertility, but it seemed like only having the one would make it even harder to have smeets than it already was.

“Yep, that’s true. Lea is the nicest. I like her lots,” Lilith said, swinging her legs. “This is boring,” she said. “How much longer do we have to wait?” She glanced at the other medics in the room. “I don’t like those strangers,” she whispered to Stink.

Stink scooted closer to Lilith and put his arm around her. “Well, I’m here. I’ll keep you safe. I’m an invader, so… I outrank them.” He grinned proudly. “But, yeah, I wish they’d hurry up. I mean, I’m glad they’re having fun, but… it is boring.”

Lilith scooted closer to Stink and reached out to hold Compy’s hand. “I could sing a song,” she suggested. “I do that when I’m bored sometimes.”

“Sing?” Stink asked, then nodded. “Okay, do that. It could be interesting.”

_”I can assure you, Lilith has a very nice voice,”_ Compy said.

“Hmm. Oh! I know put your hand out like this and pretend you are driving a car!” Lilith said, demonstrating.

“Ok,” Stink said and did as she asked.

When Stink and Compy were ready, she began singing the _electric car_ song. Only stopping her ‘driving’ to do the clapping parts. Compy picked up her tune and began adding ‘musical’ accompaniment.

Lilith sang and smiled brightly when Compy added fun computer sounds to go with it. Since she was having fun, she began gesturing over the other Irkens in the medbay to join them by sitting on their bench or the floor and also pretending to drive as she happily sang. And, strangely enough (to them), they found themselves playing along with the singing smeet.

Stink liked how she managed to get everyone to join in; it was almost as though she had some kind of command over them. 

When they finished, Lilith clapped her hands. “Again! Again! Now you know the words to sing along too!” she said, not giving them a chance as she launched back into the song.

Stink nodded, using his PAK’s recording of the words to try and sing along. While he wasn't near as good as her, he thought he wasn't totally horrible. He began clapping along with her between ‘driving’.

Lilith happily sang a little louder and with more feeling this time; she even did little dance movements as she sat between Stink and Compy.

Stink mimicked her dance as much as he could with his other ‘assignments’, and he was probably doing it wrong, but he was having fun and it was a great way of countering the boredom of their indefinite wait in the medbay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interested in the song Lilith is singing? Look up 'electric car' by They Might Be Giants. They have a kids album called Here Comes Science and I like to believe Dib got it for her and they sing all these songs together. ((The duet she sang with the Computer during the Tea party in my mind was the song 'Shooting star; and the one she sang when she and Purple danced was 'Meet the elements'))


	22. Misunderstandings and Scannings

Red rushed through the halls, heading towards the medbay with his arms full of his precious purple cargo, when he came to a halt and blinked at the Irkens movng around on the floor below him. The smallers were acting even stranger than usual, _hopping_ across the floor on their way to wherever it was they were going (he had his doubts that even they knew).

“What the…?”

Upon seeing their mighty Ruler, they paused and greeted him with salutes and antennae wiggling. “Oh, we’re just avoiding the dangerous parts of the floor, Sir,” one dared to say.

“The dangerous parts of the… - No.” He shook his head sharply, glaring at a wall ahead. “I don't even want to know. - Just… carry on!”

“Yessir!”

He hurried on his way, hovering even higher than before, trying not to freak out as Purple clutched his stomach with both hands, small spasms of pain shaking his body. 

He burst into the medbay. “Lea-Nard! It’s Pur! He’s-” he paused, for the Vortian was nowhere to be seen and the medbay appeared to be in a state of total chaos led by… “...Lilith?” Then he glared. “Stink? What is going on here?!”

“My Tallest!” Stink ceased his actions and saluted, Lilith stopped singing as well.

“Where’s Lea-Nard?” Red demanded of the invader.

“Oh, she’s, um…” His eyes flitted to Lea’s office door. “Well… she’s in there, Sir… um… with Mik. They’re probably going to be a while.”

Red rolled his eyes. He did _not_ like Stink’s odd behaviour one bit. “Well, she and Mik can just come right out here!” he snapped, then hovered over to an empty table and carefully laid Purple on it. Lilith gasped and climbed off her bench to crawl up with Purple. His tummy seemed to be hurting a lot. Whenever her belly hurt, her Daddy would give her back rubs. As Purple was curled on his side, she sat next to him and gently pet his back and cuddled up to him, purring to offer comfort.

With Lilith next to him, Purple felt slightly better. His stomach was still cramping fiercely, though, and the pain was near unbearable. A whine escaped his lips.

Stink hopped down from his spot and looked at Purple in concern, but stepped back, putting a huge distance between them (as much as the medbay allowed), lest Red find a basing Baseling eyeing his mate and get angry. Stink would never fault the ruler should he attack him for it.

Red spun around and made for the office door. Of course, it didn't open. This time, however, he had no patience. “Computer, open this door immediately! - _Tallest order!”_ It unlocked and slid open and he rushed in. “You two get out he-” He froze at the incomprehensible scene before him.

“My Tallest?” Mik turned to the door, not reacting to the fact that his Tallest walked in on him fondling the Vortian medic, beyond casually removing his hands and smoothing back his antennae, which were now obeying. He didn’t think he was doing anything wrong or odd. In fact, he was a little disappointed that this stimulation was being cut short. “Is something wrong, My Tallest?” Mik asked the leader, who seemed to be experiencing a great shock to his system. 

Lea was notably more startled than Mik, but also not because she felt guilty, rather simply being burst in upon when her door was _locked_ was startling. She folded her arms and waited while the Irken ruler gaped. However, Purple’s pained sounds were not lost on the Vortian, and her eyes widened. “Purple!” she gasped and, fully back in professional mode, dashed from the room and up to the patient.

“My Tallest Red, this is no time to freeze, Tallest Purple seems to be in pain,” Mik said, as the Tallest appeared to be having a PAK shut down. He quickly followed after Lea to see how he could assist. 

Red was indeed having a near PAK shut down. Between the shock and fear of Purple’s sudden pain - and the blood! - plus all the other ridiculous goings on he’d encountered since he left their quarters, he was just done and he sank into Lea-Nard’s chair in a daze. He took the moment to catch his breath, knowing that Purple was now being cared for.

“Lea!” Lilith cried. “Purple‘s sick and no one is helping.”

“Alright, alright, I’m here now,” Lea said to Lilith, her tone confident and calm as she hopped up and bent over Purple. “Sugarplum, what’s wrong?” She touched Purple’s head to find it clammy, then slipped her other hand to Purple’s tummy. When Mik joined her, she spoke to him. “Can you order his PAK to calm him down?” She had seen Red do it, but she didn't know if Mik could. She closed her eyes and focused on feeling his stomach. Then she had a better idea. “No, nevermind that, Mik; just scan him.” She looked back to Purple. “It’s alright, Sugarplum. I’m going to take care of you. You’ll be fine. I know it hurts, just try to relax if you can. It’s going to be okay.” Her voice was soothing, specifically meant to calm, for, in many cases, it was the patient’s panicking that was the worst part.

Mik scanned him and was absorbed in the task before he had the chance to explain that his PAK would not work that way on Tallest Purple. He quickly scanned the Tallest and showed Lea the scan. “His reproductive spooch is spasming which is causing the growing smeet to become unstable,” he said. 

Lilith did what her Daddy did for her when she was upset and crying. She crawled up to Purple’s head and placed it in her small lap. Taking his head between her hands she used her thumbs to gently stroke right above his eyes. Hunching over him, her hair fell around him like a curtain obscuring most but not all of the medbay from his sight and she began to softly sing the _atom_ lullaby.

Lea smiled. “Keep that up, Lilith, that will surely help,” she complimented sincerely. Then, at Mik’s information, she said, “Then it’s precisely what I thought. This is what the beginning of a miscarriage looks like.” She could feel that his uterus was overactive. “Don’t worry, it’s not too late. - Computer, Purple needs to go to sleep,” she said in a commanding tone and held out her hand. An injection device was placed in it and she adjusted its settings, then pressed it to his neck just below his jaw. “He’ll calm down now, but keep talking to him, Lilith.” Lilith tilted her head up, worried; but at Lea’s encouragement, she continued to softly sing and gently rub his brow.

After that, Lea examined Mik’s findings more closely. After a moment, she frowned. “Computer, deep scan of Purple’s uterus.” And now she had to wait.

Mik quickly analyzed Purple’s scan and adjusted the setting before turning the screen back to Lea. “This bundle of nerves should control his lower spooch, including the reproductive sack. A sedative targeting this nerve bundle should slow or stop the spooch contractions,” he said.

“You're doing excellent, Lilith,” Lea said to further encourage her. Listening to Mik, she snapped her fingers and nodded. “Then let’s do this.” She adjusted the injector again. “I hope this works…” she muttered softly, then gave him a dosage to the side of his stomach, just above his hip. Though her outward appearance was calm and in control, she held her breath, her hand still on Purple’s stomach as she waited for the attempt to work.

It took a minute or two, but she felt his uterus settle down. It wasn't completely still, but it brought the smeet out of immediate danger. She exhaled in relief, then smiled to Mik. “Remind me to thank you later,” she said softly, then removed her hand from Purple’s abdomen. “And now I want to know what caused it.”

Purple, however, was clearly not going to be of use, for between the sedatives and the ordeal, he had slipped from consciousness.

Lilith, not really understanding how drugs worked, felt relieved when Purple finally fell asleep. “He’s sleeping,” she announced, then, still wanting to be close, laid down at the top of his head and cuddled close to him, so it almost looked like he was wearing a Lilith hat. Lea smiled at Lilith for a moment. Children were capable of such an amazing level of caring and love and this one was clearly very closely bonded to Purple. 

Mik gave a relieved sigh. “I wasn’t sure if Irken bodies would work the same here. I’m glad it did. In the few cases where the smeeting Irken could no longer pass the egg safely, we had to paralyze the spooch sack using similar means in order to surgically remove the egg,” he explained.

“That was useful. It won't be a long term solution, though, for this smeet just isn't ready to come out yet.” Lea turned from the table and looked to the office. “Now let’s see if we can get some information out of the Dadi as to why Purple spontaneously went into labour after being perfectly fine when he left here earlier.”

“Yes,” Mik agreed. “Lilith, we are going to talk to Tallest Red, stay here and call out when Purple wakes up.” 

“Okay,” she said softly and went back to gently petting Purple’s head as she cuddled around it.

As they headed to the office, Mik said to Lea, “Tallest Red seemed to be going into a shock. He shouldn’t be in danger, but he may need external stimuli in order to be brought out of the PAK-induced shutdown.”

“PAK-induced shutdown?” she repeated questioningly, then rolled her eyes. “This is why I vowed to myself I’d never work with Irkens,” she muttered to herself. “...Too bloody unnatural...” Not that she’d ever been able to keep that vow beyond the fact that her professional specialty didn't tend to bring her any Irken patients (until now). “Well, any suggestions on how best to do that? I’d just smack him across the face, but… I’m not keen on inciting an Irken-Vortian war.”

“You could ask the computer to administer a slight electric shock. It would know the proper voltage to use to alert the PAK into responding to the stimulus without causing any damage,” Mik suggested. “However, I would suggest not doing so near his face as it is too close to his antennae.”

“An electric shock, you say?” she questioned, then grinned approvingly at Mik. “Oh, I like you!” She turned to the ruler who was, indeed, looking as though he had been mentally shut down. She shook her head. “Computer, you heard Mik. Do as he suggested.”

_”Yes, Dr. Lea-Nard,”_ it responded and two arms, one with an electric contact on the end and another with a hand, lowered from the ceiling. The hand opened Red’s chestplate and, once charged, the other touched his chest, sending a surge of electricity into him.

Red’s entire body jerked and he grit his teeth, then it ended and he shook his head sharply to clear it. “Wha- huh…?”

“Awake yet, sleeping beastie?” Lea asked sweetly and he fixed her with a questioning look. “Excellent, I was almost afraid I was going to have to kiss you, but it seems the computer's electric lips sufficed.”

Red gave a nonplussed grumble. “What do you want, Vortian?” he asked, as he snapped his chestplate shut again.

“To know what Purple was up to before he started having contractions,” she stated flatly.

“Pur!” Red gasped. “How-how is he?”

“Thanks to Mik, he and his smeet are fine for the moment, but their long-term wellbeing depends solely on what information you can give me,” she explained. “So, once again: _what_ was Purple up to before he had a problem?”

The slightest of blushes came to the ruler’s cheeks and he looked away. “Well… it’s obviously from the attack earlier.”

“Oh, _sure_ it is,” Lea snorted and took a bold step closer to him. “If you expect me to be able to help your family, you're going to have to tell me the truth. And the sooner, the better!”

Instead of reacting aggressively to her boldness, Red sighed and nodded. “We had sex,” he admitted. “The kind you forbad.”

“Ohh...” Lea face-palmed. “Of _course_ you did,” she groaned, shaking her head at the floor.

“My Tallest, I understand the need to reestablish bonds is important, but releasing directly into Tallest Purple is causing him physical harm,” Mik said. “We’ve analyzed your sample and there is no medical benefit for releasing inside. And, short of drastically altering your biochemistry which could have lasting and harmful effects, we cannot remove the hormone. Our professional opinion is to no longer release your mating fluids directly inside Tallest Purple where they can be absorbed into his body. However, releasing outside his body, or him releasing into you—if that is an option—“ Mik added as his Tallest Red was only male, but he thought that most Irkens here were dual-gendered. “Or releasing inside, but not letting your fluids directly contact him would be acceptable. Lea says there is a Vortian-made product that can assist with that final option.”

Red, to his credit, listened carefully. “But I thought Vortian preservatives don't work on Irkens.”

“No, not that one,” Lea said. “You need something that doesn't just kill your sperma, you need something that keeps _all of your fluid_ from coming into contact with his reproductive tract.” She picked up her PAD from the desk. “We have another option which you wear over your penis and it serves as a barrier, but…” She trailed off as she connected to the Vortian database and pulled up the article. “Ours aren’t designed for your strange Irken anatomy.” She showed it to him. “As you can see, it isn't meant to accommodate a knot or flare and I don't presume you're capable of controlling that?”

Red shook his head. “Not… while releasing, anyway.”

“That’s what I thought.” She turned to Mik and added, “That’s why we helped Irkens tailor their own preservative. It is literally a spray-on spermicide.” Then she lowered her voice to a none-too-quiet whisper. _“Why a species that is generally sterile needed the preservative to prevent smeets in the first place, I’ve never figured out.”_

“May I see that?” Mik asked for the PAD showing the Vortian barrier and, once she handed it to him, he began looking it over. Then he took out his reader and transferred the document over. As Lea and Red talked, he tapped on his reader. “I believe I can alter the design to work for Irkens. My Tallest, which genital form do you have?” he asked, pulling up images of the different sub-gender’s male genitals.

Lea nodded. “Yes, which do you possess and do be sure to describe it in _exact detail,”_ she said in a saccharine sweet tone.

“I’m a Baseling,” Red stated flatly.

“And that means…?” Lea prodded. “Irkens from his universe are notably different below the hoverbelt.”

“It’s flared.” Red’s tense tone couldn't have sounded less amused.

“In fact, if you have them, measurements would be most helpful, I’m sure. - Right, Mik?” Her Cheshire grin betrayed her, but she didn't even try to hide it.

Mik made an affirming sound and kept his eyes on his reader as he typed, but at Lea’s comment, his head lifted. “Oh, that is a good point. Like antennae can have slight variations in length, width, and shape of the sensory end.” He pointed to the angled tip of his right antenna for Lea’s benefit. “There could also be variation in male organs in terms of length and girth,” he said, then turned to Tallest Red expectantly, not sensing the tense undertones to his mood nor the wickedly delighted ones Lea was giving off to Red.

“Maybe you’d like to _scan_ it?” Red hissed sarcastically.

“Oh!” Lea exclaimed. “Why, isn't that a perfectly _splendid_ idea!”

_“What?! No!”_ Red gasped in horror.

“Oh, but it really _is,_ don't be so modest. In fact, I think I’m beginning to understand why they call you the ‘all knowing’ Tallest. - Wouldn't you agree, Mik? Save everyone a lot of time and frustration by taking _a scan_ of Tallest Red’s _mating organ?”_

“Oh! Yes, that would be much more efficient. Of course, scanning while it is extended would be the most optimal,” Mik said to Lea, not seeing Red’s expression. “I do not think it would be a good idea to call in Tallest Purple to assist with that. A localized scan with my reader should suffice. I will just need to adjust the settings,” Mik said, looking back down as he did so. “May I approach, My Tallest?” he asked, looking up.

Red’s mouth fell open at Mik’s suggestions.

“Oh, no worries there. Irkens of this universe can extend it without help,” Lea helpfully informed Mik. “Isn't that right, Tallest Red? - Oh!” she gasped as though just remembering something. “But your reader isn't going to get through that armored dress. It’s very efficient in preventing enemies from scanning for his biochemistry.”

Red shot her a withering look that clearly said ‘the brig, Vortian’.

Lea folded her arms. “Yes, well, it’s either that or I’m afraid you’ll have to forgo bonding with Purple,” she told him with finality.

_“Fine!”_ Red snapped as he stood up, knowing full well that, should Purple demand it the way he had earlier, he’d never be able to deny him. “Can your reader scan through my underclothes, Mik, or am I supposed to _strip_ for you too?” he asked through grit teeth.

“Hmm,” Mik adjusted his scanners. “I think removing the clothing will help. You can keep your upper clothing on however,” he said

Red looked at Lea. “You, out.” He pointed to the door. “It’s bad enough in front of _him_ , I’m not having _you_ around for the show too, Vortian.”

“Oh, no worries, for I have absolutely no wish to see your _massively_ overestimated _bridge cannon_ and I have full trust that my capable assistant can manage a scan without me,” she said pleasantly

_”Out.”_

“Yep, I’m gone,” she said and marched out.

Without another word, Red turned and unlatched his hoverbelt and skirt, and stood before Mik in his black underclothes and upper armor. He looked at the medic with an almost pleading look, but then latched his thumbs in the hem of his pants and pushed them along with his underpants down to his knees. He straightened up and stood boldly before Mik, his gaze fixed on the wall beyond the smaller.

Mik stepped closer with his reader, then frowned and came closer nearly touching Red’s crotch with the reader. “I’m sorry, My Tallest, but I cannot get an accurate reading. Can you extend it? Oh! And by me asking I am in no way asking to mate with you,” he added as he imagined that to be comforting information.

It took literally all of Red’s soldier training not to either jump back or lash out and smack the reader - and its owner - across the room, but he managed. Even at the uncomfortably close proximity to his crotch. As for the request, however, he was not going to fill it at said proximity. “Oh, Mik? Do you plan to _scan_ it or _eat_ it?”

Mik reflexively looked down to Red’s crotch before looking up in confusion. “Is that a common practice in this universe? To remove it and have the other consume it? It grows back? How long would it take? Don’t you need it to continue mating with Tallest Purple? And I apologize if I wasn’t clear, but I am not interested nor able to respond sexually to you. And I don’t think Tallest Purple would like it. If you desire to have it removed I could assist you with that as it would be easier to scan, but if it needs to be consumed afterwards I would suggest you have Tallest Purple do that.”

Red blinked. And blinked. And blinked. And blinked a few more times. He reached up and rubbed between his eyes. Then huffed. Looked down. Opened his mouth. Thought better and closed it. Looked up to the ceiling. Then back to Mik. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Mik. You are… a _lot,”_ he blurted out when Lilith’s favourite phrase was literally the only thing that came to his mind.

“My Tallest?” Mik looked up at him still holding his scanner expectantly, waiting for Red to either extend his male member or somehow remove it.

“Do you-” Red halted. “No… I’m not falling for that one again,” he muttered aloud. He took another deep breath. “Mik, would you… be so polite as to…. _step back?”_ He spoke through grit teeth, then cleared his throat and lidded his eyes. “You are _too close for comfort.”_

“Oh, of course My Tallest,” Mik said, taking a few steps backwards.

Red had honestly not expected that to work. Had never expected it to be that easy. But it _had._ So, he sighed, expressed his purple penis, and folded his arms after his testicles emerged too. “It will _not_ be removed, neither with nor _without_ your ‘assistance’.” He just wanted to make sure that was clear as the purest distilled liquid cleanzor. Now, with him bearing it all, he normally would have made some quip boasting about being well-endowed, but in this case… that could not have been farther from his mind. “You’ll _pardon me_ that I can't make it _erect_ for your scanning too,” he said, glaring at the medic.

Mik didn’t look directly at him as he scanned Red. ”Does the size change that way?” he asked, looking up at him.

Red gave a sigh of long-suffering. “ _Yes..._ but I promise you, it’s not gonna happen. Not even if we had Purple’s ‘help’, so don't even think about it.” Then he added, “Besides, I’d kill you before I’d let you see Purple like that.” Now that he was sure that was clear, he had to show Mik the next feature. “Aside from being prehensile, here’s that flare Lea-Nard mentioned.” With that, the skin covering the head with its slightly elongated and pointed tip unfurled like a flowerbud and spread until it formed a bowl-like shape akin to an inverted umbrella. “Since you've obviously never seen one before, its purpose is to trap my sperma from leaking out and it will tighten to guide it into a receptive partner’s innermost reproductive tract.”

“Oh!” Mik said, seeing the difference on his reader as the scan continued. “I was unaware of such changes. The mating videos did not show internal views,” he said. “Yes, ok, I think I will be able to make a barrier that will allow you to mate with Tallest Purple while your member is still attached,” he said. “I have the scans I need,” he concluded, letting him know he could dress himself again.

Red’s antennae sprung up at Mik’s claim he could mate with Purple with penis intact. “Mik,” he began in a sweet-and-sour tone as the flare folded back around his head and his penis retracted back inside him. “I can hardly express just how _grateful_ I am to hear that.” 

He pulled his pants up, then put on the armored skirt, securing it in place to his tight corset. He turned back to Mik. “But let us please get one thing straight: Yes, it _can_ be removed and will grow back, just as any other limbs, so long as our PAK’s aren't damaged or defective or our healing factor isn't otherwise compromised. _No,_ it is not common practice to cut them off and _eat_ them - _Yuck!_ make me gag! - though I’m certain there are probably weirdos out there who engage in such acts. - And, most importantly: let us _never_ speak of this again! 

“Furthermore, you will not share the details of this examination with anyone else…. with the unfortunate, but necessary exception of Lea-Nard and _only_ because Purple requires her services.” Now fully clad and feeling tall once again, he stepped towards Mik. “Have I made myself clear enough?” There was a warning in his tone that he was willing to accept nothing less than Mik’s full obedience.

Mik nodded as Tallest Red explained it. “So the eating comment was an expression of humor commonly used to help overcome anxiousness or nerves,” he mumbled to himself. “Well, it is good to know that partial cannibalism isn’t a common practice. And do not worry, My Tallest, I would not discuss your medical records with anyone outside the medbay; but since the other medics are not involved, in this case I will only let Lea have access to the data as we need for medical purposes.”

“That’s all I ask,” Red said and turned around, his antennae both twitching. “I am going to need a loooooong cleanzor shower after this,” he grumbled to himself, feeling as though he’d just been playing in garbage or something equally disgusting and horrible. “That was worse than the Maa Fi…” Then he glanced back over his shoulder, antennae still twitching. “And, Mik, I said that because you were standing so close to me that if I’d extended it, it’d have slapped you in the face!” 

With that, he left the room. And stopped dead in his tracks. _”Stink?!”_ he cried in disbelieving horror as he saw the invader hiding in the corner.

“Y-yes, my Tallest?”

“If you heard _anything_ or in some other way noticed anything about what just happened, you will keep it to yourself or I will keep your PAK on my wall,” he hissed.

“Yessir!” Stink said quickly. “But I… I wasn't paying attention to you, Sir. Sorry...”

_”Lucky for you.”_

“Um, my Tallest… is… is Mik still busy? Because I brought the cuff back like he asked and…” He coughed nervously. “I would like to give it to him.”

Red waved a dismissive hand, no longer caring about the invader and, instead, went over to where Lea and Lilith were caring for a… woozy-looking Purple. 

Mik thought about what Tallest Red said and nodded as he realized he had indeed been in a close proximity. Then he came out of Lea’s office not too long after and ran into Stink. “Oh, Stink,” he saw the cuff in his hand. “You have the cuff?” 

Stink nodded quickly and held it out to him. “Um... but by now it’s been some time since… you know, so I hope the samples are fresh enough.” He bit his lip, then remembered why it was so long and he broke out in a huge smile. “Oh, Mik!” he exclaimed and clapped the medic on the shoulder. “Congratulations!” He nodded to Lea and winked. “She’s really something, you lucky guy!”

“Oh! Yes, that should be fine,” Mik said, taking the sample. But growing confused at Stink’s comments about Lea. “Yes, Lea is a great specialist,” he agreed before Stink turned around. 

Though his eyes were open, Purple was still laying on the table. “How is he?” Red asked softly.

“He and the smeet will be fine,” Lea said with no snark or sass. “Actually, you have this wonderous girl to thank,” she said and smiled at Lilith. “She’s been diligently comforting Purple this whole time. - I'd say she’s earned herself a big bag of cookies!”

Lilith grinned at the praise and sat up straighter. “Yep! Lots of cookies!” she agreed. “When Purple feels better we can eat them together. I was singing to him,” she said, Purple’s head back in her lap.

Red, ignoring the smallers entirely, looked at Lilith and it was as though his frustrations washed away. He smiled a little. “Thanks, Lilith,” he said softly and sincerely. “And… I agree with Lea-Nard, you deserve a big bag of cookies. Just… don't tell _her_ I said that.”

“I’m right _here,_ your heinous,” Lea said cooly.

“Oh, really? Well, that’s odd. I was pretending you _weren't.”_

Before Lea could make her comeback, however, Stink bounded up to her and grabbed her arm, then pulled her over to Mik. “Just…” He giggled. “Congratulations to you too! - I didn't want to bother Tallest Red,” he added in a whisper, then grinned at them again. “But I had to congratulate you too!”

Lea blinked and looked to Mik. “Any idea what he’s congratulating us about?”

Lilith nodded. “Because you're going to make smeets,” she said to them when they were confused. 

“Oh, yes, we hope to assist in that, of course,” Mik said, thinking they were talking about Purple. “And everything seems to be going well.”

While Lea had her suspicions that wasn’t really what Stink meant, she also had no other explanations.

“Oh!” Stink chuckled sheepishly and reached into his PAK, then pulled out the second cuff. “Kyz’s.” He held it out. Then he leaned in close. “Smeets? Really? Are you sure that’s possible? Um, you know, with a Vortian? - Er, no offense, Ma’am,” he said quickly to Lea. “I’m sure if it’s possible, you two will find a way.”

Mik took the second cuff with a nod and took both cuffs over to the lab equipment. “And, of course the smeeting will go well; Lea is highly specialized in this area. There should be no problem. And I also have helped many Irkens with their smeets in my universe,” he said, not realizing how that would sound to Stink.

Stink blinked. “You have?” The revelation surprised Stink, then he sighed and stepped up to Mik. “Do you miss your smeets and partners since you're stuck here? I’m sorry, of course you do...” Clearly he desired a partner and that was why he had found one so quickly here and was trying with a Vortian.

"The smeets are doing well on Irk and are being well taken care of. I have trained several other Irkens, so I do not doubt that they are doing well in my absence. Many of the smeets' parents have returned to their jobs as well. I believe everyone will be fine even should I not return. Here, however, my presence is needed now," Mik said, still not catching onto what Stink was talking about. 

Stink nodded. Though he definitely didn't understand what Mik meant by training other Irkens to care for his families in his absence, he decided it wasn't his place to question Mik’s choices. Perhaps it was just something from his universe and it was common for one male to have a bunch of partners. 

Lea, however, had not missed Stink’s words this time and she blinked, then snickered to herself as it finally dawned on her. “Ohhhh, you think Mik and I…?” She let it hang while nodding to Mik.

Stink nodded. “Well, yes. Um, I know it’s not my business, but you two were in there ‘comparing anatomy’ - I hope the Tallest didn't interrupt - and…” Stink trailed off and shrugged. “Well, you know.”

Lea glanced at Red, remembering what he’d happened in on, and turned back to Stink. “Why yes, before Red interrupted us,” she said loud enough the ruler had to hear whether he liked it or not - it was time to give him a lesson in _’knocking’_ . “We had just barely finished comparing our anatomy. In fact, as your ruler came in, I was showing Mik just how sensitive _these_ are.” She swished one of her ‘horns’. However, since he had come with a legit emergency, she did not further press the issue with Red and addressed Stink. “In this case, of course, it was good that he did, but now _you_ know to be careful when my door’s locked.” She was not sure if the invader rank he possessed was high enough to command her door to open as Red’s Tallest rank was.

Mik turned to Lea. "If you are willing, I would like to continue our stimulus experiment another time."

Lea smiled, half-smirking half-sincere, at Mik. “Of course, Mik,” she said warmly, knowing full well how others would take it and giving absolutely zero fucks about the rumours that were sure to spread. “I would be positively delighted to continue with you at another time.” It suited her perfectly fine if she and Mik became a topic of gossip for people gossiped whether you gave them something to or not and denying it only made it worse. Let them have their fun now and maybe get it out of their systems sooner.

Stink took it right as it looked and nudged the medic. “‘Stimulus experiment’?” He giggled. “You smooth-talker you, I’ll have to remember that one.”

Mik looked at Stink in confusion but nodded, then turned to Lea. 

"Do you have a scan of Tallest Purple's smeet? If the growth rate is the same, I would like to compare it with the growth patterns I am aware of and see what predictions we can make."

“Well, Mik- I mean _duty,_ calls, your heinous, so…” Lea teased the ruler, then sobered up. “I’ll leave Purple in your care, if you think you can manage. If not, Lilith can instruct you.” She gave Lilith an affectionate pat. “You helped me a lot, thank you, Sweetie.” She winked, then went over to Mik. “Yes, I have all his scans since I arrived here.” She picked up a PAD and sent them over to his reader. “The smeet seems to be growing at about the same rate as a Vortian child. A little faster, actually,” she amended. “I would be curious how it compares to your experiences.”

Stink remembered his promise to Lilith about playing with her. “Um, Lily,” he began. “As you are currently busy with your patient, do you want to play later or should I wait? I don't mind waiting,” he added just so she knew for sure it wasn't a bother. Then he looked up at Red. “Well, I mean, um… as long as that's okay with you, my Tallest?”

Red looked at Stink, who was doing his best to make himself look as unthreatening as possible, even wiggling his antennae in respect, despite his current status of cycling. Then he looked to Lilith. He’d certainly prefer that someone was watching her rather than having her wandering about the large ship by herself (Compy or not, it was still just a programmed AI), so… “It is fine with me, yes. Then I’ll consider it your responsibility to ensure her safety while exploring the ship.”

“Yessir!” Stink said, saluting.

Then Red turned to Lilith. “I think you’ve helped plenty, so if you’d like to go play with him, you may. I’ll watch over Purple now.”

Lilith gave Purple's head another pat. He still seemed tired. She then turned to Red. "You can stay with Purple. He likes this," she said, showing him how she had been stroking above his eyes. "And you can talk softly to him and keep rubbing his forehead. You can't be too loud. If you can't sing, then you can hum, he likes that too. If anything happens, you can tell Mr. Computer to come get me," she said, sounding very much like a mother about to go on errands and trusting the care of her son to a first time babysitter. She climbed down from the table and went over to Stink and Compy. "We can go now."

Red nodded and took her place, sitting down on the table beside Purple and gently rubbing his forehead.

Stink nodded to Lilith. “Alright, then let’s go.” Then he looked at her worriedly and lowered his voice. “Say, do you think the floor is still molten outside?”

"Yep!" Lilith said, nodding to Stink's question. "We're gonna have to be careful as we go to the flight simulator game room," she said. "Ready Compy?" she asked, holding her hand out for him.

Red caught that, but ignored it and focused on Purple. He had no idea what Stink was talking about, but he knew no floors were molten on his ship, or else there would be alarms going off with safety instructions. Besides, _everyone_ seemed to be acting weird that day and he was just done trying to figure it out.

Compy hopped up to her and took her hand. _”Ready, Lilith.”_

“Me too,” Stink said and took her other hand. He led them to the door where their ‘gaming’ floor was still active, then he stepped to the side as an Irken dressed in the uniform of one of Red’s guards hopped into the medbay and let out a sigh of relief when he saw that the floor here was not dangerous. The Irken was, however, noticeably agitated and limped over to a free table.

Lilith saw the new Irken enter and go to a free table, but no one went over to him. She didn't understand that the medics were too scared to move and upset Tallest Red with his mate. All she saw was another Irken hurt and they didn't do anything, just like they didn't move to help Purple earlier. She let go of Stink’s and Compy's hands and marched up to the small group. Despite the fact that they were fun to sing with, she turned to face the group with her hands on her hips. "Doctors are supposed to help people feel better no matter what," she said, pointing to the guard and Purple. "If you don't want to help people, then you shouldn't be doctors." She _humphed,_ then turned around and went back to Stink and Compy, taking their hands once more. "Let's go," she said, leaving the medbay. She was still mad and, to make herself feel better, she imagined that the safe spots were the bad doctors’ heads, which lightened her mood a lot. 

In the medbay, not a single one of the terrified medics made a move to help either of the patients. Purple, of course, they knew better than to approach, but they only looked helplessly at the guard.

Seeing them, Lea grumbled, then walked up to them. “You heard Lilith, go do your jobs and take care of that soldier.” For she sure as hell wasn't going to. They nodded - she was the boss, after all - and scurried to help him. “Computer, put a privacy panel between Purple and the other patient.”

_”Yes, Dr. Lea-Nard,_ ” it said and, similar to how it created the chair for Mik, it created a wall separating Purple, Red, and Mik’s side of the medbay from the others’.

“I stepped on the molten floor,” the guard said to one of the other medics as Lilith and Stink left. “So far I haven't been burned, but… I don't know… My foot feels weird and I think it’s damaged anyway.”


	23. PAKs

Since the other medics were taking care of the guard, Mik looked over the data of the first scans Lea had and compared them with his own knowledge. "The growth rate seems to be the same as smeets in my universe. If this continues, the total gestation period will be 5 months with the last month dedicated to egg formation. Actually, you should be seeing a more rapid growth in size by now, but the factors such as the contractions and Tallest Purple’s aversion to food could be a factor." Mik frowned at the scan. 

“Then that would indeed be just a little shorter than Vortians,” Lea said thoughtfully. 

"I would recommend an IV of concentrated nutrients and sugar and see if that helps with the growth. My My Tallest Purple needed a sugar IV, multiple times in one cycle at some points, to ensure his well-being as well as the growth of the smeet. However, based on biology records I have seen, taller Irkens do not need to consume as much as they do in my Universe. In my universe, the Tallest, being the tallest Irkens, need to consume sugar once every hour at least to maintain their bodies." 

Lea tapped her lip thoughtfully. “Yes, I suppose we could try that.” But then she frowned. “However, he has shown what I can only describe as an extreme fear of medbays, medics, and nearly any medical handling. Or as we say on Vort, though it’s somewhat derogatory: ‘he’s terrified of needles’. I have been managing to feed him via high sugar and fat smoothies.”

"Oh," Mik said and began thinking. "I might have a solution that could provide nutrients directly without needles, but I am unsure if it would be more or less stressful, or possible, but... let me think a moment," he said, going over to a lab station where he could access this Irk's database on Irken biology. Next to him, he had his reader open and was comparing the data on the two screens. 

Lea watched silently, waiting patiently while he worked. She was certainly interested in what he would come up with and, no, she was not slighted that he wished to improve upon what she’d already done, for she was always looking for more efficient ways of helping her patients. Mik’s input had been helpful thus far.

Mik worked and compared Irken and PAK biology. Then he nodded to himself and brought his reader over to where Tallest Red was. "How is Tallest Purple? Is he awake yet?"

At Mik’s question, Red looked up. “He’s awake.”

“Just dizzy…” Purple said in a quiet, slightly slurred voice.

Lea joined Mik’s side.

"Oh, good." Mik went around so he could speak to Tallest Purple better. "After studying your smeet's growth, I believe that it is greatly behind. This could be due to the lack of nutrients. It seems your body is just getting enough to keep you and the smeet sustained, but not enough to let it grow. Even if you could eat normally, that would not be enough for smeet growth at this point," he explained carefully. "Usually an IV with nutrients and sugars would be required at least once a day, perhaps more," he said, noting that this knowledge did indeed appear to cause Tallest Purple distress. "I do have an idea for an alternative method, but... I do not know if this would be more or less stressful for you,” he said somewhat apologetically. 

"After looking over Irken PAK and biology data, there is a way to manually hook a nutrient IV into the mechanics of your PAK,” he continued. “This would allow your PAK to then supply the nutrients through the established connection it already has to your body. It would be painless, however I am aware that having another inside your PAK for any reason is a cause of great distress for any Irken." Mik paused, then added, "This is my best alternative. And, like an IV, this could be done here or in your quarters. I would have to be the one inside your PAK the first time, but..." He looked to Red. "It should be simple enough for Tallest Red to do after that," he said, then looked back to Purple. "If you are more comfortable with your mate in your PAK than a medical drone. The choice is yours, My Tallest."

“Oooh, he’s _good_ ,” Lea said in a quiet but approving tone.

Purple looked up to Red, for he’d had notable troubles following the medic in his state - although he wasn't entirely sure he’d be able to follow it otherwise either. “Red?”

“I dislike both prospects, an IV or someone messing around in his PAK,” Red said, but then sighed. “But I know an IV isn't going to happen. You could probably do it _now,_ because he’s… well, you see.” He picked up Purple’s hand by the wrist and gently waved it to show how loopy and listless Purple still was, as he did not protest in the least and seemed content to let his hand flop around. “But when he’s fit again-”

Lea, however, frowned and hopped up onto the table beside Purple. “It was funny at first, Sugarplum, and I’m sure it’s nice to have someone rubbing your head, but your poker face is _terrible.”_

Purple blinked, then giggled softly. “Well, I… I _don't_ feel good and I wasn't ‘awake’ until a moment ago, but…” He pulled his hand back from Red. “I can control my arm. Sorry…” he said looking up at his mate.

Red sighed and shook his head. “After today, _nothing’s_ going to surprise me anymore and… I don't even care… But if you want to make it up to me, make a choice. IV in your arm or in your PAK?”

“Neither?”

“Not an option,” Red said nonplussed. “If _I_ have to choose, it’ll be a _Tallest Order,_ because my patience is worn.”

“A Tallest Order?!?” Purple snapped, coming alive all at once and raising his head as Lea jumped back down beside Mik. “That's not fair!”

Lea leaned close to Mik. “Yep, he’s fine.”

“Yes, it is good to see Tallest Purple alert again,” Mik said softly back to Lea as she hopped down next to him. 

“Yes, a _Tallest Order,”_ Red grumbled back, arms folded. “I mean it, Pur. Pick whichever option you prefer and let's be done with it. I want to forget this day ever existed.”

“And that’s coming from an Irken,” Lea softly commented to Mik. “Can you cyborgs ‘forget’ things with your mechanical brains?”

Mik thought a moment. “Well PAK’s can technically erase memories but that would go against their code as their function is to assist in memory and body functions,” he answered back. 

“Interesting,” Lea said honestly. That meant Mik would never forget about her, which surprised her slightly by the warmth that brought to her heart. _‘Oh, Lea… you’ve lost all rhyme or reason… over an Irken,’_ she silently admonished herself.

If Red or Purple heard them over their lovers’ spat, neither indicated. Instead they were engaged in a staring contest.

“Pur,” Red said warningly. “Do you still want this smeet or not?”

“Fine!” Purple snapped. “I’ll… take the PAK thing,” he grumbled like an angry teenager who was just told he had to clean his room before he could go out with his buddies. “Happy now?”

“GOOD,” Red answered and turned to Mik. “And I’m _so very happy,"_ he said over his shoulder, before focusing on the medic.

“Amazing, or terrifying, to think that those two are ruling your whole Empire,” Lea added to Mik.

“Both,” Mik said, being very serious in his answer. Then, seeing that Tallest Purple made his choice, he went over to his lab and typed in what he wanted the computer to make. It made it quickly and Mik came over with the IV that, instead of a needle, had a small box attached to the end. He stepped up to Tallest Purple. “If you would turn and open your PAK, My Tallest?” he asked respectfully.

Purple finally, with Red’s help, sat up. _“N-now?”_ he asked Mik, a slight whimper in his tone. “A-are you _sure_ you won't mess anything up?”

Lea frowned. “I can assure you, Sugarplum, that Mik wouldn't have offered it if he wasn't certain he could do it,” she said soothingly. “If it helps, he has experience working with PAK’s.”

“And _Vortians,_ right?” Red shot at her, proving he had indeed caught what he’d interrupted earlier.

“It’s not the size of the spaceship, your _Tallest,_ it’s all a question of thrust,” she answered in her sugary tone.

Purple frowned and looked at Red. “What does that mean?”

“It means my head medics are no longer on strictly professional terms,” Red answered.

“I am still professional with Lea,” Mik said, not wanting them to doubt his respect for her. “Though she is assisting me in some personal experimentation,” he said.

“Oh, is that what they’re calling it now?” Red jabbed at Mik. “‘Personal experimentation’?”

“Yes, in fact,” Lea answered matter-of-factly.

“And you call that ‘professional’?”

“Yep,” Lea said.

Red rolled his eyes. “ _Sure._ ”

“It means he ignored a locked door,” Lea added to Purple. “But if he ever gets out of line, just ask him about today.” She winked.

Red shot her a smouldering glare. “I hate you, Vortian.”

“Then everything is right with the universe,” she answered pleasantly.

Purple rolled his eyes. “Can we remember that Mik’s about to do something to my PAK?” He sniffed. “Also… how do I open my PAK?”

“The same way you do when you're using your PAK legs, just don't use your PAK legs,” Red said, and tapped his finger to the main middle port on the upper side. “Also the same way you store things in it.”

“Oh! Duh.” Purple opened his port, then closed it again and looked fretfully at the medic. “Mik, are… are you really, really, really, _really_ sure you can do this? And you won't ruin anything.”

“As Lea said, I am most experienced in PAK’s. I manually activated several thousand PAK’s, including yours,” Mik added. “However, I would, um.... please ask that you do not impale me with your PAK legs. In the position I will be in, it will be very easy for you to stab me through right to my PAK,” Mik pled, revealing that he would be equally vulnerable, making Lea’s and Red’s eyes widen. “This device at the end of the IV will scan the section then adapt to fit into your PAK. This is Irken technology, it will not do anything to alter your PAK. After I show Tallest Red where to place this, I will no longer be needed to place it inside.” He paused, then added, “Later, if you feel you are able to sense the correct spot, you could probably do it yourself as well.”

“Ah… let’s not take any chances,” Red said, having seen the results of what his Life Mate could do with his PAK when in need. He turned to Purple. “May I, Sunshine?” A cable snaked out from his PAK and waved in front of Purple. “I would just secure your legs.”

“You think I can't control my own PAK legs?” Purple asked, frowning.

“I’m not worried that you can't _control_ them, I’m afraid of you being startled or scared. Much as I’d love watching you impale someone - including him - it seems he’s of more use to us and our smeet alive.”

“That was the correct thing to say,” Lea said evenly, her arms folded. “Even with my expertise, he has valuable information and experience with smeeting Irkens that I don't. Ergo, I require him.” Just to make sure there was no question about it.

“And that’s the _only_ reason, huh?” Red jabbed.

“The only one that matters to you,” she said, without missing a beat.

Red made a dismissive gesture and turned back to Purple. “May I, Sunshine? You know I won't do it without your permission.”

Purple sighed and nodded. “Go ahead.”

Red nodded and connected their PAK’s and, again, Purple felt his PAK security drop, then Red sent the Tallest command and his presence retreated. Once the meld had ended, Purple tested his PAK legs. He could open his PAK and the ball joints to which his PAK legs were connected rose, but the legs themselves remained inactive. Furthermore, his PAK messaged him that they were locked via a Tallest Order and only the active Tallest himself or the Control Brains could reactivate them.

“Yeah, I can't use them,” Purple affirmed.

Red’s antennae twitched. “Ohhh… the possibilities…” he murmured longingly as he remembered how Purple had escaped his bondage game.

Lea rolled her eyes. She didn't know about the game, but she knew _that_ look. It was the one many Vortian husbands got when she informed them and their due wives that they should have sex as the hormone could help bring on labour naturally.

“Oh, thank you, My Tallest,” Mik said to both, genuinely touched that they didn’t want him dead. Then he also nodded at Lea in thanks as he was very touched that she also valued him. 

“So, My Tallest,” Mik said, calling Red’s attention and peering into Purple’s open PAK. “Do you see—oh!” He cut himself off. Red adjusted himself and peered where Mik was looking, until something caught the medic’s interest and he blocked Red’s view. “How interesting,” Mik said, gently reaching into Purple’s PAK and very carefully moving some wires aside so he could see better.

Purple laid his antennae flat to his head and squirmed nervously, but not enough to stop Mik. “What… are you doing?” He looked worriedly at Lea, who then hopped up beside him and took his hand.

“Mik knows what he’s doing, don't worry,” she said soothingly.

“What’s ‘interesting’, Mik?” Red asked, not at all liking the idea of the medic rooting around in Purple’s PAK more than he had to, but he contained the desire to hiss or otherwise put an end to it by firmly reminding himself he was better able to protect Purple by letting Mik help them. Even if he still hated it.

“Tallest Purple’s PAK is identical to, well, Tallest Purple’s PAK. And I am very familiar with this right here.” Mik moved so Red could see a pressed-in area of Purple’s inner PAK. “This is the sexual activation switch. Tallest Purple’s has, of course, been activated and, looking at the way the PAK has formed and been used, I can tell that it has not been touched. So I can assume that this switch has been activated since the PAK was attached as a smeet. Once activated, it cannot be undone. I was just surprised to see this here since your universe has Irkens that have evolved to have sub-genders and sex seems to be a natural part of your development. It just is interesting that even with these differences in our universe, the PAKs are the same,” he commented.

Red looked and frowned. “I’ve never heard of such a switch…” He pulled a PAD out of his own PAK and began looking in the database, specifically for Tallest-only info. He completely forgot he was supposed to be observing how to help Purple.

Purple frowned. “I have… _What?”_

Mik pointed to a section of Purple’s PAK right near where it connected to his spinal cord. “Here is where the IV should be installed. Like this,” he said, not seeing that he no longer had Red’s attention. Mik pressed a button on the device on the IV and it scanned the area, then a port appeared in Purple’s PAK and the according jack appeared on the box. “My Tallest Purple, if you are ready I will connect the IV now,” Mik said, not wanting to startle him as that might not end well for him even if his PAK legs were restrained.

Purple whimpered. “Just… don't hurt me…” he said, meekly. 

"My basic coding would not allow me to purposefully harm you, My Tallest. However, sometimes pain is unavoidable in dire situations, or necessary such as an injection. But, well, being a smaller has made it necessary to make sure my patients don't want to stab me afterwards," Mik assured him.

“Oh… I… I wish you could have been my medic when I was younger…” Purple said quietly and looked down at his hands. “I had to go for full checkups all the time… They didn't ask me if they could do anything, mostly they didn't even tell me either…”

Mik listened to Purple and sighed. "Well, while I cannot say if you would have liked me as a smeet, since most smeets seem to not respond well to me, if there is something I can assist you with now to help you become more comfortable, please let me know. Also I doubt those medics will receive any promotions. A medic's job to assist not to cause undue stress," he said.

“It’s not that they _hurt_ me, just… it _hurt,”_ Purple continued. “And… it was embarrassing.” he sighed, then looked back up. “They do that to every Trophy smeet. The only ones in the Mafitia system with more authority are the Wor Hol Officials. Even Guardians like Lem have to obey them.”

Red sighed, his attention pulled away from his PAD for once and he wrapped an arm around Purple. “No medic or anyone else will do that to you ever again.”

Purple nodded. “…I hope not.”

“They won't,” Red said with certainty.

"I am connecting it now," Mik announced, and inserted the jack into the port Purple’s PAK had created. Both programs recognized each other and began to sync, then worked together to distribute the nutrients into Purple's body. Mik withdrew his hand. "You may close your PAK port, your PAK should naturally close around the tube without cutting it, as it has accepted it as a part of you," he explained, stepping down and then going over to Purple’s side.

Purple raised his antennae. “It wouldn't?” 

“No; Irken technology will recognize Irken technology and know that it is not a harmful addition. May I see the vitals reader on your wrist?" Mik requested and Purple closed his PAK and held out his hand with bracelet to Mik. "Oh, here you can see the effects already, your body's stability has raised 1% since being attached," he said, handing Purple his reader. Purple looked, but he didn't _feel_ any different.

“Mik?” Red began distractedly. “Now that you’ve finished with Purple’s, would you check my PAK?”

"Of course, My Tallest," Mik said.

“I can't find anything about a switch in our PAK’s,” Red added, having pulled up a diagram of their PAK’s that only the Tallest could see, then he sat down beside Purple.

“Red, I know we have a healthy hate-hate relationship and believe me I wouldn't want to do anything that might jeopardize it, but it would be useful if you’d permit Mik to show me what part of your PAK he’s talking about,” Lea said.

“You know what, I don't even care…” Red grumbled. “Go ahead. Then perhaps _you_ can activate your medic if need be.”

“That wasn't what I had in mind, but take it however you wish,” Lea said.

"My Tallest Red, would you like me to check for the activation switch in yours as well?" Mik guessed that was what Red wanted.

“Yes, Mik; check if I have that. I need to know if it’s just Trophies.”

Lea squeezed Purple’s hand and stood up, ready to see Red’s PAK.

"If you would open your PAK, My Tallest," Mik said, gesturing for him to sit on the bench as Mik used his PAK legs to hoist himself up onto the bench as well.

Red settled onto the bench and opened his PAK. “And if you see anything else that’s out of order, let me know,” he said firmly. “No matter what it is.”

Mik took a look inside Red's PAK. "Oh, yours is notably different," he commented. "With six? PAK legs. That is different. And....." Mik carefully looked around for the switch. "Ah! Yes, there it is." He moved aside so Lea could see what he was referring to. "Your switch is also activated, and looks like it has been so since your PAK attached," he said.

Lea looked in and made a face. It was just as terrible a sight as she’d imagined. A literal machine attached to him. “That little indent is the switch?” she asked without pointing, instead she kept her hands folded. “So is it flush with the rest of the PAK if an Irken hasn't been activated?”

"Yes, and if it is not indented, then the Irken is not activated," Mik confirmed before stepping back so Tallest Red could close his PAK again. Lea stepped back as well and hopped back down. She looked up at Red. 

“Thank you,” she said sincerely, then headed over to a panel and leaned against it as she considered what she’d seen.

Mik thought a moment and asked Red, "Would you like to see my memory to assess for yourself, My Tallest? So you can see the differences between your PAKs?"

“Yes,” Red said. “And Purple’s Ascending so his PAK hasn't been upgraded yet. It is… stressful. I passed out during.”

"Yes, I imagine PAK upgrades like that are not pleasant,” Mik said and then stood before Red so he could access his recent memories and see inside his own PAK.

Red looked at Mik and shook his head. “I remember that it felt like my PAK was on fire. It also physically grew in size and there was a lot of new information to process, mostly about its new features and information from Descended Tallests. - As for one of those features --” Red extended his PAK legs to show off all six and flexed them at their first joints. “-- well, these are stronger and more powerful. Also, I can make full use of their mobility _while_ using the top two as weapons.” He displayed this by placing the lower four on the floor around him while raising and charging the top two’s tips so they glowed, though only for a moment, then powered them back down. “I can't wait to see what Purple thinks when he finally gets his upgrade. Well… presuming I’m still around when he Ascends, which is unlikely.”

Purple flinched at that, but said nothing.

"Why wouldn't Tallest Purple get the same upgrade? You are both Tallests," Mik asked confused.

Red turned to the medic. “He is not Tallest yet, he is just an _Ascending_ Tallest. This puts him a rank below me. In most previous cases, an Ascending Tallest only completes their Ascention if the active Tallest dies or is deleted, or otherwise incapable of fulfilling their duties - or, of course, in the event the Ascending Tallest grows taller than the current Tallest. During Ascention, it is one of my duties to prepare and train him for it. Normally, he should be serving at my side on the bridge and taking on a number of Tallest duties, but… he’s smeeting and Lea-Nard won't allow physical training nor any potentially stressful duties. As Purple has nearly always reacted to the bridge as though it’s distressing, we’ve agreed to avoid that.

“Once the smeet is born and he is capable of taking on the normal duties of an Ascending Tallest, I will take him to the Control Brains where he will be evaluated and measured, then we can officially announce his status as my protégé to the entire Empire.”

Then Red retracted the legs and extended the cable towards Mik. “So, your memory.”

Mik connected Tallest Red's port into his PAK.

Red opened the connection from his end and reached into Mik’s ‘mind’, is what it felt like. The medic’s mind was notably more focused and much less emotionally chaotic. As with Purple, all security immediately dropped and the PAK sent an acknowledgement of his authority as well as Mik’s identification. He sought out the memory Mik had prepared for him and downloaded it, then withdrew and, with the command to return Mik’s PAK to its normal functions - something his own PAK did automatically as he began to retreat unless he told it not to - he ended the connection. Then he played back the memory. The medic had taken a sharp and detailed recording, he could even tell all the parts Mik had recognised, which Red was grateful for. It lasted only a few seconds, then he filed it away. 

Lea had watched the entire thing with carefully masked apprehension, for there were things in Mik’s memories that were better for Red not to know. Less so her and Mik’s personal experimentations (while she didn't need Red knowing the intimate details, she was neither shy nor ashamed of the personal moments she had shared with Mik), and moreso about Lilith’s parentage.

Mik took a moment to readjust after Tallest Red withdrew. As Lea watched, she relaxed to find that Mik didn't seem to have been stressed by the PAK meld, but stayed where she was as opposed to asking Mik. 

"This is all very different from my universe as both Tallest Red and Tallest Purple are, well, _Tallest._ They co-lead the Empire,” Mik finally said in reference to Ascending and full Tallest.

“They _co-lead?”_ Red asked, then looked at Purple with a keen eye. “Because he’s exactly as tall as me, isn't he,” he concluded without it being a question. He hovered up to Purple. “Yes, you are.” He touched his cheek and caressed softly, then sat down beside him and fell into thoughtful silence.

"Yes, they are the same height," Mik confirmed, then seeing that Purple still had his reader, Mik remembered what Lea said about showing Purple the smeet. "My Tallest Purple, would you... like to see images of Tallest Smeet Maroon?"

Purple looked to Mik and nodded. “That is your Purple’s smeet, right?”

Mik nodded and tapped a few times on his reader to pull up Maroon's file. The first pictures were when Maroon was only a few hours old, and the pictures progressed from there. The pictures were a variety from close ones to ones that looked more like frozen PAK memories taken from various angles. One showed Maroon running down the hall with Tallest Red chasing after him on his hover belt. Another one with Maroon running from Tallest Purple who, instead of chasing him, had a PAK tendril about to grab him. Another showed the Tallest hovering down the hall and, behind them enclosed in a pod, was a very grumpy looking Maroon.

Purple took the reader and looked at the pictures. He giggled a little at the ones of Red chasing after Maroon and then grinned at the one where he’d caught Maroon. “Yeah, that’s what I’d do too,” he said. He scrolled further and giggled again at the grouchy smeet, then showed Red. “We might need one of those for ours.”

Red looked at the image. “Mm-hmm, that could be useful and seems easy enough to make.”

Purple smiled and resumed looking through the pictures. Once finished, he handed the reader back to Mik. “Thank you,” he said. A moment later, he thought of something. “Does that mean my smeet is a boy too? I’ve always thought it’ll be a girl…”

"I do not know if that will be the same," Mik said. "There are distinct differences and you have subgenders as well. So there is a good chance you could have either a boy or girl," he mused. "And I do believe Tallest Red invented that pod as well. It doubled as a way for the Tallest to monitor the smeet when he was sleeping and to keep him contained. It connected directly to their PAK’s should he wake, or alert them if there were any other changes. This let them continue to bond without worrying about their smeet's safety,” he added.

Red and Purple met eyes at that information.

“Yeeeeeeesss, of _course_ I’ll design one of those for this universe’s you, too,” Red said, smirking, and Purple blushed.

“But, yes, please do,” Purple said.

Now Lea approached Mik, curious as to the pod. “Could I see that too?”

Mik handed over the reader to let Lea see the pod. "When Tallest Smeet Maroon was first born, he couldn't even sit up as his head weighed too much. He also could not eat any solid foods, except some mushy ones that dissolved quickly as he had no teeth. It took a little less than a tenth of an Irk year before they started to grow in. He had no control over his bodily wastes either," he added.

The reactions to Mik’s news were notably different. Lea chuckled in understanding, while Red and Purple gave Mik disgusted looks.

“Can't control-” Red began. “Then how does he… did he just… go all over the quarters or what?” 

"I created a specialized cloth for him to wear, that would alert them when he had released waste and needed a clean one," Mik told them. "As he got older, he learned how to control those functions."

“We _definitely_ will need those,” Red said and Purple nodded enthusiastically.

Lea also had a question. “So Purple didn't produce milk with which to feed his smeet?”

"No, I did read up on that in other species. But that would require mammary glands of which Irkens do not have. Tallest Smeet Maroon could eat snacks and drink juice if it was fed to him in an easy-to-drink-from bottle. Straws proved difficult at first. Oh, and he needed several stimulus items to help his sensory abilities grow as well as his ability to control his hands. And..." Mik paused. "I can send you all the data and blueprints for the smeet items we created," he said.

“Those are good ideas too,” Lea said. “Children need things they can explore and play with from an early age. Newborn Vortians usually just explore their parents.” Then she tapped her chin. “As for the nourishment, if that’s the case, I’m certain I can come up with a tailored, drinkable food for this little one. I’ll show you what we have on Vort.”

"Yes, that would be good as it seems the nutrients here are slightly different." Mik nodded as he connected his reader to the Computer to send Tallest Red the data he had on smeet items.

“Alright, I’ll start on that, though I’ll have to fully tailor it once the smeet is here and I know its exact nutritional requirements,” Lea said.

Red began looking through the designs as he received them. “Some I recognise as they’re similar to things I’ve seen on Vort, but others…?” He shook his head, bewildered as to their function.

"Oh, I altered a lot of the designs from ones that I received from Lilith's non-Irken parent," Mik said. "Do you have questions over any of them?"

“Well, yeah,” Red said. “I mean, what’s the purpose of this?” He turned the PAD around and showed Mik a picture of a stuffed animal. He neither knew what the thing was supposed to represent, nor could he see anything one would want to do with it. 

"That is a stuffed animal, a dog actually. It is soft and squishy and offers comfort to smeets. If I recall, Lilith has several of various sizes and creatures in her room. She seems fond of the ones as large as her to sleep with and the small ones to carry around," Mik answered.

“Huh. Sounds like Pur’s pillows,” Red said.

“I do _not_ carry little pillows all over,” Purple said indignantly.

“No, but they’re multiplying in our bed at an alarming rate.” But Red’s warm smile showed he wasn't really complaining. “I guess we can make that for our smeet too.”

"Smeets tend to like soft things," Mik said. "As well as things with lots of lights and sounds," he added.

Red considered the info and thought of something. “You said Lilith had these stuffed dog things for sleeping with and carrying around? We should probably have some made for her here.” What he didn't really like, however, as he looked back at the picture, was whatever a ‘dog’ was. It looked _weird_ and he couldn't fathom how anyone would find the design comforting.

Lea, meanwhile, had listened to the discussion about toys and comfort items, and she pulled up a small sample of Vortian things which she sent to Mik’s reader, including baby beds. It was then that something occurred to her and she looked up at the Tallest. “Where has Lilith been sleeping since she’s been aboard the Massive?”

“Oh, with us,” Purple answered. “That’s what she wanted. She didn't want to sleep alone. She gets scared.” And he sympathised, for he hadn't wanted to sleep alone since becoming Red’s mate. Red was _safety._

“No, we haven't been having sex with her there,” Red added quickly, then to Purple, “But she will need a room of her own if she’s going to stay much longer and there is the likelihood that she will be staying permanently,” he informed Purple.

“Oh? What about her parents? She misses them,” Purple asked.

“She may not have a choice. It’s not likely we could - or even _should_ \- try to create another florpus hole to send them back. Even if we did manage to get one that didn't lead us all to our doom, we can't guarantee we could send them back to their universe and not just somewhere worse. Or deadly. It’s too risky, Purple.”

“Oh…” Purple said nothing more, for he simply didn't have the knowledge to discuss such phenomena.

Red turned back to Mik. “I don't suppose you two are any closer to contacting her parents?”

Mik felt relieved that the Tallest were invested in Lilith's care. If they wanted her safe, then this truly was the best Universe for her, albeit only so long as they never found out about the identity of her Irken parent. At Red's question, he shook his head. "To be honest, My Tallest, such science is beyond me. I know more about biology and medical science; florpus holes are more of... are more interesting to scientists.” He caught himself and felt very stupid for a moment as he was almost about to say the name he had sworn to keep secret.

Lea agreed. “It is not within my field either, however… I have some acquaintances back on Vort I could contact,” she suggested.

“Then do that,” Red said and she nodded.


	24. Flight Simulator

Stink followed after Lilith, hopping along beside her. Once they turned a corner, they ran into the other Trophy Stink knew Red had brought from Mafitia. She, however, was not hopping along and instead frowned when she saw Stink hopping about. To Lilith, however, she smiled and waved a hand.

“I heard Purple was in the medbay,” she said. “And I decided to go have a look and see if he’s alright.”

"Tak!" Lilith said brightly, then frowned when she saw Tak standing on both lava and a safe spot. "Tak! You're a lava monster now!" she said, pointing to her feet. "You can only step on the lava. and now you gotta try and get in people's way and make them fall in lava. But you can't touch them if they are on safe spots. If they fall into the lava then you have to tag them--a soft tap--" Lilith added since Irkens played tag hard. "--and then you can take their place and they have to be the lava monster."

Tak’s sharply curled antennae raised as did her eyes. “I’m a _what_ monster now?” She looked down at the floor and realisation finally dawned on her. “Ohhhhhh! The floor is hot,” she said. “Yes, Purple and I also played this when we were little. All of our caregivers were monsters that we had to avoid.” She smiled at the memories. “We always got in so much trouble for it, though. Lem did not like us using his desk as a safe spot.” Then she shrugged and stepped onto the red spot and hissed loudly at Stink, holding her hands out like a zombie. “I am monster, I burn you!”

Stink was highly impressed as he always found Trophy Tak intimidating and, with a yelp, jumped onto the tile beside Lilith.

Tak cackled her high-pitched hackle, then trotted on her way and ‘attacked’ someone coming from the opposite direction, causing the startled drone to trip over his own feet and land right on the red part. Tak leaned in and bared her teeth. “Tag, you're dead,” she hissed evilly, tapping him on the head, and he shrieked as she went on her merry way, though still not avoiding the ‘lava’, instead she made a game out of terrorizing anyone she came across.

Lilith giggled as Tak played along and hunkered down to avoid falling off her safe spot. She watched Tak go on and giggled more. “Tak’s fun! I like her lots. She makes a good monster,” she said approvingly before hopping onward. 

Stink watched after Tak nervously, then shuddered and turned back to Lilith. “You can certainly say that again,” he agreed full-heartedly that Tak was a monster. He hopped after her and Compy.

“Compy, which way to our des—tination,” Lilith asked, cutting the last word in half as she hopped from one spot to the next. 

” _Oh, of course, Lilith._ ” The lit panels began to blink on and off in a certain direction, coming to a turn and indicating the left. ” _You will have to ride a lift at the end of that hallway._ ”

Stink, who knew the way to the flight simulator, nodded in agreement. “It’s correct.”

“Yay! We’re almost there!” Lilith said, hopping along. “I like flying games the most.” 

Stink grinned as he hopped along with her to the lift, which lit up as a big circle on the floor before them (and not molten red). “Just step onto it,” Stink said and hopped onto it, then held his hand out for Lilith. “It’ll take us right to the correct deck.”

Lilith hopped onto the safe area of the lift. “Lets go to the game room!” she declared excitedly, waiting for the lift to take them where they needed to go. 

The lift began to descend and, since he didn't know how secure she was on her feet, Stink placed his hand on her back as the lift whooshed through the transport shafts of the Massive, seeming to go in all directions before it finally slowed and stopped at another deck.

Stink pointed once the section was flush with the floor. “This way.”

"Weeee!" Lilith waved her arms around as the lift went in all kinds of directions. "Let's ride that again later," she said, and happily followed after Stink and Compy in the direction of the flight simulator. 

Stink and Compy nodded in unison. “We have to get back somehow,” Stink said and led the way to the simulator. At the door, he walked up and placed his hand over the panel. “Not everyone gets access to this, but I’m an invader, so… I can go pretty much anywhere.” He winked, for he was very proud of his rank. It had been a hard one to achieve, after all.

"What's an invader do?" Lilith asked as she took his hand and followed him inside.

“Oh, we invade other planets and find out if they have any useful resources or people; we learn about their defences and offenses and, if possible, cripple them for when the Armada arrives and the Tallest decides what to do with it. That’s the fun part. Otherwise, since we’re not currently having any intergalactic conquests, I mostly just do whatever Tallest Red tells me to here on the Massive.” It never occured to Stink that his assignment might not be something for a little girl to hear. “And I train in here,” he added and made a sweeping gesture of the room. “I frequently join the Armada with my own ship.”

Lilith frowned as she listened. "What happens to the planets after the ar-mama comes?"

“Oh, well, the Tallest decides that,” Stink said with a shrug. “So, which ship do you want? I know how to pilot all of them so I can show you how.”

"What do they decide?" Lilith asked, not moving from her spot. "What happens to planets with invaders?" She remembered things that Daddy used to tell her about how he and Pops met. 

Stink shrugged. “Well, one of the earlier Tallests turned one planet into a garbage dump planet.” Then he leaned close. “We call it Planet Dirt,” he said giggling. “And another one made a planet into a package shipping planet - that was mine - and the natives work for us.” That they weren't paid except with food, clothing, and medical care nor did they have any choice, he didn't think to mention. Everyone knew that, after all.

"Are the people from those planets... happy? Do they like garbage or packages?" Lilith asked, a slightly hopeful note to her voice as she held onto the edge of her dress.

Stink blinked. He’d never thought about it before. “I’d guess so. I mean, I work for the Irken Empire and I like it.” It wasn't like he had much choice either.

"I don't think I would like Earth being made into a dirt planet, or a post office," Lilith said, looking down. "Stink... are Irkens... bad guys?"

“Bad guys?” Stink gasped, then chuckled. “Of course not! Why, we’re the greatest species in the universe!” Then having an insight, he turned to Lilith. “Do _you_ think we’re bad guys?”

"Making someone's home into garbage doesn't sound like something a good guy would do," Lilith said. "Pops sometimes called himself an invader," she said in a small voice. "But then Daddy would always say ex-invader. Daddy said we had to hide from the people on Earth because they would want to make my insides outsides. But he also said that, should anyone call for Pops besides Uncle Mik, that I should go and hide because Pops has to make the bad guys think he still works for them," Lilith said, wringing the bottom of her dress. 

Stink blinked as she told him the story. “Making someone’s insides outsides doesn't sound very good either. Especially the best game master I’ve ever met,” he said. Then he realised what she said. “Your Pops is an invader? Or ex-invader?” Or whatever it was. Stink certainly couldn't think of any invaders that had been demoted.

Lilith smiled a little at Stink. He was really nice. It was hard to think of him as a bad guy. "Yeah, humans aren't very nice and they get scared easy. Daddy says they have a hard time accepting things that are different. He said it even took him a long time to accept Pops and they fought a lot. And Pops was a bad guy at first too because he kept trying to destroy the Earth, but Daddy stopped him and then fell in love and then made me! But Daddy says people wouldn't understand because aliens are too scary and new. So we have to hide; me and Pops," she said, deciding that Stink wasn't a bad guy, so it was okay.

Stink smiled. “That’s neat for them. Weird that hyoomans are so mean. When I’m on a mission, I have to hide from most of the natives too. I have really good disguises, though. Maybe I’ll show you sometime.”

"People should just be nicer to each other," Lilith agreed, then nodded. "I wanna see! When I got older and can control my antennae, Daddy said he was gonna make me a disguise too!" she said, then turned to Compy. "Let's go play games!" 

Stink nodded. “I agree.”

” _The simulator is ready. Just select your ship and your mission_ ,” it said.

"I wanna fly a voot!" Lilith said. "I wanna destroy stuff!" 

“A voot?” Stink asked and went over to the panel, then scrolled through the ships until he found a standard voot. “This is the runner or cruiser model,” he said. “It’s not the most powerful single person ship, but it’s fast and maneuvers great.”

_”Standard firing practice mission loaded. Captain Lilith_ ,” Compy said. ” _You are part of the Armada and must protect the Massive from enemy ships and asteroids. - Do you want the voot?_ ”

"YES!" Lilith shouted with her hands in the air, and sat down in the seat. "Voot! Voot!"

The ‘cockpit’ reformed and recoloured to match the inside of a standard voot cruiser. As it was a one-pilot ship, Stink simply settled into the seat beside her in the tiny ship. The simulated flight screen closed and the mission was displayed frozen. There was a three-point countdown, then it started.

“Ok, it’ll start you out with just a couple ships, but this will increase as you successfully destroy enemies,” Stink instructed, then laid back against the seat and relaxed as he watched to see how she’d do. “If you need me to show you the controls, let me know.”

"Ok!" Lilith said, then when it started, she immediately nose dived the Voot and crashed it into the planet below. It, of course, exploded in the simulation and Lilith howled with laughter. When it reloaded, she barrel rolled into the ship next to her, then rebounded and crashed into the other one causing all three to crash and explode. Which was, of course, hilarious.

As the cockpit jolted around, Stink had to sit up quickly and grab onto something so as not to be thrown around himself. “D-do you need help?” he asked, his voice full of shock.

"Nope!" Lilith said, happily then looked up at him, her eyes a little wider than normal. _"I like it when they 'splode,"_ she whispered, then went back to finding another fun way to crash the ship. Each time was different from the last. No two ways of exploding were the same.

Stink gulped and braced himself again. If that was what made the smeet happy, he decided not to stop her. Besides, crashing was sorta fun. He just wished it wasn't _them_ she was crashin. She reminded him a little of someone else he knew who liked destroying things he wasn't supposed to. Or did when he was younger. Stink hadn't had contact with the science drone since he left for Vort.

Eventually, Lilith decided that she had crashed enough ships, or she had run out ideas of how to crash them in a new way. "This Voot is named... Skittles!" she declared, then started flying _around_ objects and shooting the other ships to make them explode like how the mission was supposed to go. However, Lilith didn't differentiate friend from foe and just shot whomever was in her way.

Stink blinked. “No that's-” Too late, and she didn’t stop. On the other claw, she wasn't all too bad with the controls, he thought.

Humming happily, Lilith flew her ship onward until, eventually, it did blow up. "Skittles! NO!" Lilith cried, very upset for about 5 seconds, she then turned to Compy. "I'm hungry, let's go back," she said, having had enough of video games for today. She also got out all her exploding and blowing stuff up urges out of her system. 

Stink nodded. “Computer, save this for Lily for next time.” Then to Lilith, he said, “You can also watch it on any PAD. It’s actually so you can review it and see if you did anything wrong that you need to correct next time, but since you seemed to have so much fun even if you didn't beat the mission, maybe… you know.” He grinned. “And eating sounds great.”

"Oh! Lea gave me a PAD to draw on. I can watch it on that later," Lilith said, climbing out of the pilot chair. "Let's go see if Purple woke up and is feeling better.”

“Okay,” Stink agreed, and followed Lilith and Compy in the direction of the medbay.

Lilith hopped along the floor as they went and chatted excitedly about how much fun all the exploding crashes were all the way to the medbay. Once they got there, she hopped inside and was at first confused that she didn't see anyone, but she heard their voices and realized they were behind the small wall. Grabbing Stink's hand since he seemed to be stuck at the front entrance, she dragged him along with her to where everyone was. 

Coming around the corner and seeing that Purple was awake, she let go of Stink. "Purple!" she said happily, and climbed up onto his bed to give him a hug. "You feel better?"

“Lilith, you're back!” Purple exclaimed and embraced her.

“And in one piece,” Red added and looked to Stink who was lingering worriedly in the entrance because of Purple. “Guess I won't demote you to a janitorial drone.”

“Thank you very much, my Tallest.” But maybe he shouldn't mention the flight simulator, Stink decided, not sure how his Tallest would take the news over her multiple crashes.

Ignoring them, Purple ran his hand over Lilith’s hair. “Did you have fun?”

"Yep! I got to fly a voot and make it explode lots and lots!" Lilith fell backwards making exploding sound effects and giggling. She then sprang back up proudly. "I even made a new record!" she said excitedly. "When I played with Auntie Gaz, I once made seven ships explode at once, but this time I made," Lilith briefly looked down at her fingers and wiggled them as she silently counted. "This many," she held up one hand of five fingers, "and this many," then held up both hands with eight fingers. "Irken ships explode the best," she said with a content sigh, and rested her head in Purple's lap grinning widely. Purple scurried to hold Lilith from falling, then to prevent her from slamming into his tummy (which he just discovered was very unpleasant even if she wasn't heavy). "Even Skittles exploded," she said a bit reluctantly. "That one made me sad." 

Mik's eyes widened and he began hyperventilating a bit. He turned to Stink and, seeing that he wasn't distressed, calmed down a bit. "These... weren't... um, actual ships were they?"

As Lilith told her story, however, Stink’s antennae fell. So much for not telling the Tallest. At Mik’s question, his antennae sprang up and he raised his hands, making enthusiastic gestures. “Oh, no, no, no! Um, no, it-it was just, um, the flight simulator!” He coughed and chuckled nervously, but glanced fearfully to Red. 

Mik was very relieved. "Oh, good. Never let her near anything that can explode. _Ever_ " he said firmly, placing both hands on Stink's shoulders. 

Stink gulped, even though it was a smaller and even though he sorta outranked him, as far as Stink knew, he was still intimidated by the clear desperation in Mik’s tone. “Um… okay? I-I won't.”

The ruler was listening intently to Lilith, his eyes narrowed to near slits, which increased the invader’s apprehension. “You say _Irken_ ships explode the best?” he asked Lilith, his tone questioning, but not angry. Purple looked to Red, for he knew that _exact_ tone very, very well. It meant Red had just picked up on information he considered to be of utmost importance.

"Yep! In the game with Auntie Gaz, I crash the planes lots of times, but they don't explode every time." Lilith pouted. "Auntie Gaz said that is because the game is really realistic and they are made to try and _not_ explode." She gave Red an indignant look like 'why would anyone want that?' "But every time I crash the Voot or crash the Voot into other ships, they _always_ exploded." Lilith giggled as she thought about all the exploded ships and soon her giggle turned more into manic laughter.

Purple turned back to Lilith and smiled, his eyes twinkling from her story. “It sounds like it was lots of fun,” he said longingly.

Red raised back to his normal height to think. Was it the simulator that was malfunctioning somehow or… he dreaded the thought, were his _ships_ that fragile? He turned to Stink, who happened to be the only one in the medbay with actual piloting experience other than himself. “Stink!” he snapped, startling the invader so badly he jumped into Mik’s arms with a shriek and clung to the short medic.

“Y-yes, my Tallest?”

“Would you say the ships in my Armada are ‘explodey’?”

“Um…” Stink still clung to Mik, not yet aware he wasn't about to be destroyed by his superior. “I… I… no… I… um…” he squeaked and lost his voice.

"Yep!" Lilith piped up. "That's why Pops had to do lts of work on his voot. He likes exploding stuff as much as me and his voot kept exploding so he fixed it to be less explodey," Lilith said, a bit wistful at such a loss of explodey nature. "But to make up for it, he put on big explodey lasers! But Daddy says he's not allowed to use them on people."

Red turned back to her. “Then this can only mean…” But he didn't finish, instead he looked to Lilith. “And did you also happen to crash into the really _BIG_ Irken ship?”

Stink was relieved he was still alive, but did not dare move, lest he attract further attention to himself.

Lilith's grin widened as did her pupils. " _That one explodes really good._ "

Now Red turned to, who else, the Vortian. “My ship _explodes_?” he demanded.

Lea shrugged. “Don't most ships do that when you crash them?”

“Miyuki ordered this one to be able to go through _planets_ and a _voot_ can make it explode?”

“In a flight simulator, apparently,” she replied.

“I will be talking to your people, and if I find out they didn't make it to the specifications…” He let the threat hang.

“Knock yourself out,” she said, then gave a gasp and frowned as though she’d discovered something very unfortunate. “Oh, but you know, they’re going to want evidence that your technical revolution of only the finest and most advanced Vortian technology is ’explodey’ _outside_ a flight simulator. Oh, snap!” she finished and smiled sweetly, folding her arms.

"I wasn't flying a planet," Lilith said. "Planets don't explode," she said, matter-of-factly. "But Daddy and Pops flew planets once! They crashed into each other bunches of times and they didn't explode. I think voots like to explode because Mr. Tank and Mr. Energy converter are _really_ good friends and they are always next to each other. Daddy says that's why Pops had to move them in his voot, because they got along _too_ well and misbehaved." Lilith giggled.

At Lilith’s next part of her story, Red seemed to remember she was present and left the Vortian alone, instead he blinked at Lilith. “They what? Why would they fly _planets_?” Not to mention, _how?_ though he wasn't ready to ask that just yet.

Lea glanced over to Mik (and his petrified Stink-burden) and gave him a questioning look, though said nothing out loud, since she didn't want to put him in a position where he’d feel he had to reveal who her Irken parent is.

"Oh, when Pops first came to Earth, he still worked for the bad guys and fought with Daddy a lot. Daddy could tell he was an alien right away. They had all kinds of adventures!" Lilith said. "Pops blew up lots of stuff and one time they both turned into bologna!" She giggled. "But they got better. But eventually they fell in love and Pops stopped working for them and started living with Daddy instead. And then because they love each other lots they made me!"

Mik stayed frozen as Lilith spoke, hoping that she wouldn't give too much away. But then again, he never heard her call her parents by their names and Dib tended to refer to themselves as 'Daddy' or 'Pops' when talking to her.

“Into bologna?” Lea asked, sounding amazed. “Hear that, your heinous?” It was perhaps a dangerous move, but she was sure Red would find that to be, just that, bologna.

Red snorted at her, but said nothing. He’d never heard of ‘bologna’ in his life.

In the meantime, the doors to the medbay opened and a female voice inquired about Purple, then shortly Tak walked into the sectioned-off area. “Purple, I heard you were here, are you-” her eyes landed on Stink and the medic and she snickered. “Well, that is certainly something you don't see here every day.”

“Tak!” Lilith said excitedly and waved to her from Purple’s bed. “Tak! Guess what I did? I exploded lots and lots of voots!” She giggled, then whispered loudly. “ _I don’t think Red likes it when ships explode, he’s just like Daddy_. But I like it when things explode! I like it lots! I like the reeeeeally big explosions!”

Tak waved to Lilith, Mik and Stink already forgotten, as she walked up to her. “You like big explosions?” she asked, grinning at the smeet. “Me too.” Any quip she might have normally made in regards to Red not sharing hers and Lilith’s joy for things going ‘ _boom!_ ’ was held back because… he was Tallest Red and she owed him quite literally her life.

"Yep! Pops likes them lots too. He likes destroying stuff. Oh! Wanna hear a funny story?" Lilith asked, but then started telling before anyone could say otherwise. "Before Pops and Daddy fell in love, they fought a lot. One time Pops got this big walking robot that he was gonna use to go attack Daddy. But it didn't have batteries so he kept having to plug it in at different places. Or well Gir went around pulling and unplugging it as he marched it over to Daddy's house. And the robot could turn _invisible_!" Lilith said excitedly. 

"He went all the way to Daddy's house inside the robot and was gonna fight him and Daddy went outside and guess what?" Lilith giggled but again didn't wait to answer. "The _robot_ was invisible but Pops wasn't! And he didn't even know until Daddy pointed it out!" She laughed. "And then Daddy tried to take pictures of it, so Pops made it explode, but then Daddy realized he forgot to take the cap off his camera!" she said, falling over onto the table and giggling. This was her favorite story. Both Pops and Daddy were so silly.

Tak laughed too. “A robot that’s invisible but not the pilot?” she laughed again. “And needs to be plugged in?”

Red snorted. “Well, _that’s_ stupid,” he muttered to Purple, who shrugged. “I mean, who’d come up with _that?”_ And again Purple shrugged. “ _I’d_ never send anyone something so ridiculous,” Red continued.

Lilith giggled. "Yep! That's my favorite story! Another time, Pops accidently saved the Earth because other aliens tried to steal it to throw in their sun, but then Pops stole it back because _he_ wanted to destroy it himself!" she laughed.

Tak was grinning in delight. “You have got to tell me _more!”_

Purple frowned at that story. “Who’d throw planets into their suns?”

Red sighed. “The Planet Jackers, who else?”

“Why?” Purple asked.

“Their sun is dying.”

“That works?”

Red shrugged. “They believe it does. As long as they honour the treaty, I don't care.”

"Yeah, Pops is the best. He does all kinds of funny stuff. He once made this tiny hamster, named Pe-pe, a giant hamster and it stomped all over town, getting bigger and bigger. Pops was very happy until he realized that it wasn't listening to him at all, then he and Daddy had to launch it into space!" Lilith laughed.

“Genetic experiments that don't obey him?” Tak cackled. “That sounds just like something Zim would do,” she said and looked to Red. “Doesn't it, my Tallest? I read he’s even working with genetics to create new bio weapons. Not to mention, he would just go on and on about it during our Maa Ri,” she grumbled. “And how it was interfering with his terribly _important_ work.”

"Zim?" Lilith repeated, confused then clapped her hands over mouth as Mik began to sweat buckets and his trembling arms dropped Stink. "Tak you can't say that word! It's a bad word!"

“A bad word?” Tak asked.

Red had been rolling his eyes over Tak’s tired old rant, until a shriek caught his attention and his eyes snapped to see Stink sprawled on the floor.

“Why’d you drop me?!” the invader cried, looking up at Mik. “That hurt!”

And that led Red’s focus to the medic, who looked as though someone had just pointed the bridge cannon right at him. At first, Red was confused as to why the medic was looking like that when the pieces suddenly began to fall together and his eyes widened with understanding. He gazed flitted to Lilith, then snapped back to Mik, his eyes narrowed.

Mik began hyperventilating and, as if things were happening in slow motion, he was unable to stop Lilith's next words. 

"Yeah," Lilith said to Tak. "That's what Daddy calls Pops when he gets really, really mad."

“Oh, well, it’s a bad word here too,” Tak said, unaware of what had just been released around her.

Red’s narrowed eyes widened at that, then returned to deadly slits that were narrowed right on the medic. He began to move towards him.

“Red?” Purple said as his partner left his side.

“Excuse us,” Red said with a tightly controlled voice. He pointed to the door, looking right at Mik. “Her office. _Now_.”

Mik whimpered but slunk over to Lea's office as commanded. 

"Oh," Lilith said and nodded. "Yeah Daddy only says it when Pops makes him mad. And this one time, both me AND Pops got in trouble when we exploded bubble gum all over the lab and had to wait for Daddy to get home from work to free us because the bubblegum was really sticky and the computer couldn't move either."

Red followed after and, as he passed Lea, said in a tightly controlled and low voice, “You too, Vortian.” Fortunately for her, she had the decency to follow after Mik without sassing him, though she did not slink in, she walked in as though he’d just invited them to coffee.

The doors closed after him. “Computer, soundproof.” His tone was still the tightly controlled monotone.

” _Room is silenced, my Tallest,_ ” it said in its very professional and obedient robot voice.

Lilith continued to chat with Purple, Tak, Stink, and Compy, who waited silently in the corner, about the adventures and stories she had grown up hearing about her parents.


	25. Zim is Pops

"M-m-m-my T-Tallest... I... um..." Mik shook nervously in front of Red, who was very angry looking.

“So,” Red said, facing the two. “You have one chance,” he began, his voice less tense than before, but no less dangerous. “Is _Zim_ her irken parent?” He looked right at Mik, explicitly ignoring Lea for the moment.

"Ah.. um... n-not the Zim as you know him... M-my Tallest," Mik stammered.

Now to Lea. “And you knew, of course,” Red said.

“Yes,” she answered honestly, but there was not the slightest sign that she might be intimidated in her voice.

Back to Mik. “Why didn't you tell me?” Red asked. Despite his steady voice, he was sure that if Mik’s Tallest Red was anything like him, the medic would know how quickly that could change.

Mik looked down. "For her safety, My Tallest," he answered in a small voice. "It seems that no matter what universe Zim exists in, he is not favored by the Empire or the Tallest."

“Lucky for you, I believe you’re willing to tell me the truth from now on,” Red concluded. “Then I don't have to force a PAK meld. And I expect the same from you too, Vortian. Complete obedience.” Then he advanced towards them. “Do you have _any_ idea the dangerous game you’ve chosen to play with her?” He meant Lilith, and he didn't wait for either to answer. “Do you know where Zim is right now? Do you realise I have a _Vortian_ on the Massive?” His voice was growing louder with each word. “Do you know _how close we are to Vort?_ ” He grit his teeth, antennae now flat against his head. “Do you know how many people know Zim?” His volume increased more. “Did you really think I _wouldn't find out?_ Is _that_ your opinion of your Tallest? That I’m a _moron?_ ” His gaze snapped to Lea. “Answer that, Vortian,” he hissed in a dangerous voice that just dared her to do so.

Lea said nothing and remained, as she had been, calm.

Red turned back to Mik. “But you _will_ answer me, _medical drone_ ,” he hissed, reminding Mik that he was one of Red’s subjects.

Mik trembled before him, but even then he did not regret his decision. “I... I did not expect her parentage to remain a secret forever, just long enough to... to form a bond.” Mik, even knowing he was facing death, looked up. “Would you have treated her the same had you known whom her Irken parent was from the start?” His voice wasn’t challenging, it remained meek and submissive, but the words were heavy on their own.

“How would I know that? You never gave me a _chance!_ ” Red snarled. “And you manipulated not only _me_ , but Purple too. For that --” his voice lowered again to a dangerous note and he held his hand up. “-- I should crush your PAK.” Then closed his fingers to his gauntlet, the claws clacking against it, for effect.

Mik took a breath and readied himself for death. He saw no way he would survive from this considering how angry and displeased his Tallest was. He was thankful that Red decided to murder him out of Lilith’s sight. 

“Given the variables presented to me at the time, keeping as much about her Irken parent a secret as I could seemed like it would ensure Lilith’s survival. I was also not asked directly either. I do not regret my decision. However, as much as I have no right to ask this, I would hope that killing me will calm your anger enough that you do not stop caring for her. Lea also has access to all my data for Tallest Purple’s well-being,” Mik added, hoping Red would spare Lea for the sake of his future smeet.

Red lowered his hand, but his tone was no less furious. “And just _what_ , on IRK, did you plan to do if she should run into her parent?! Did you even _think_ of that? Have you met Zim? What do you think _he_ would do if suddenly his smeet he isn't aware he has runs into him, excited about seeing her parent?! How do you think that would go for her when he denies her?!” He turned around, hissed and growled, then turned back. “ _Were you even thinking at all?!?_ ” he practically roared.

Mik flinched at his tone, but answered, “Knowing how you feel about him, I estimated the chance of you letting him on the Massive to be very low. Should such an event occur, I believe it would have been prudent then to willingly reveal her parentage to you to prevent a meeting, at least until she is old enough to understand,” he replied, as calm as before. He still had no doubts about his ability to leave this office alive. He did however feel a pang of... something... when thinking about leaving Lea.

Red growled and turned around again, hissed at the door, then back around. “You’ve put me in a terrible spot!” he snapped. Then he took a deep breath, held it a moment, then let it out slowly. “Alright. Obviously, your plan worked, Purple’s bonded to her and… I have too,” he admitted, knowing full well he didn't have to. “I can't get rid of _Lea-Nard_ because Purple trusts her. - Don't let that go to your head,” he said to her. Then turned to Mik. “And I can't get rid of you either, no matter how _furious_ you’ve made me, because you’re Lilith’s only connection to her own world and she’s attached to you too.” He hovered to the desk and leaned heavily on it, then looked down at Mik. “And _I_ happen to need your help to protect my smeet from becoming a Trophy smeet!” He straightened back up. “So, you see? My claws are tied.”

Mik blinked, completely shocked. “I get to live?” he asked unbelievingly.

“Oh, and you happen to be the only one who knows anything about Lilith, so… _yes_ , you live. For that, I expect you to help me as promised. You’ll continue to work with Lea-Nard, you’ll continue to help Purple, the Massive will avoid Vort and Zim; and one more thing…” He narrowed his eyes at Mik. “ _Who_ is her other parent? No hiding it this time.”

Mik nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, of course, My Tallest, anything you need! Oh, her other parent is a human by the name of Dib Membrane. But considering the timeline of this universe, he may or may not exist yet. He comes from a planet called Earth, I can send you the coordinates if you wish?”

Red sighed and nodded. “It’s best if you do, so we can avoid him too. Now --” he turned towards the door. “-- I need to see about a malfunctioning flight simulator! - Lea-Nard… take care of your lover so he doesn't deactivate on me or something.” With that, he left the room.

Once the door closed again, Lea gave a huge sigh of relief as she braced herself on her desk. She took a couple deep breaths to gather herself, then looked at Mik. “You okay?”

Mik looked at her and nodded, but his legs gave way, startling him as he sank to the floor and Lea sprang over to him and knelt down, putting her arms around him to support him. 

“Just breathe,” she coached him.

“I truly thought he was going to kill me, but even then I just hoped that he would spare Lilith and...” he looked at her in slight confusion. “...And you as well. I apologize for putting you in danger by disclosing who her Irken parent is.”

“Yes, I feared you were ‘doomed’, as they say, too,” she said. Then at his apology, she scoffed. “Don't be. I knew the risks of working with the Irken Tallest when I accepted this job.” She sighed as she glanced aside for a moment then back to him, for there was that silly fluttering inside her again. “But… well, thank you for your concern, anyway. I am touched.”

“I...I am extremely shocked to be alive. Tallest Red did not seem as upset about the offspring of Zim being on his ship as I thought he would be,” Mik said.

“It seems Red’s full of surprises. He will either be the greatest or the most terrible leader the Empire has ever had. Either way, he will take it far,” Lea said. 

“Yes... I, yes. I think so too. This Tallest is... different from mine. I can’t give the exact reason, but... I do feel that Lilith is indeed safe here, with them,” he added. “Perhaps being sexually activated, since he was activated in the smeeteries, has something to do with it.” Mik shook his head. “In any case, I will do everything I can to assist him. I feel that this is...right and not just what my code would order me to do,” he said and, in his mind, fully switching his loyalty over to this universe’s Tallest. For better or worse.

“They would have had more time to be used to bonding with others on such personal levels,” Lea agreed. It was a guess about the Irkens in his universe based only on what she'd learned from both listening to and observing him. Then she thought of something. “Their Purples are different. If both Reds are equally devoted to their mates, then that would also have an affect on them and how they regard others.”

She paused for a moment, both to let that sink in and, because she was apparently more moved by the whole thing than she had realised. Then after those moments and before she hardly realised what she was saying, she said, “Mik, I’m sorry for this, but bear with me, because… --” She pulled him close to her and squeezed him. “-- I am so relieved you are alive too! I would have tried to stop him sooner if I could've seen a way, but there was none that I could find.”

Mik was a little startled at first, but the embrace was almost warmer and more pleasant than before and he wrapped his arms around her in turn. “Lea... I must confess that, while I accepted death at the Tallest’s hands and hoped that he would spare Lilith and was even thankful that he might have chosen to kill me out of Lilith’s sight, I felt... a painful something at the thought of not being alive... with you.”

Lea had never expected to hear that, nor to be embraced back, but here they were and she looked into the pink eyes for any signs of lie. Neither did she see any, nor did she really believe he’d suddenly start telling untruths. “You did? With me?” she repeated. Did he actually…? She didn't dare finish the thought.

"Yes, it was odd," Mik said. "Like an electron that I needed was taken away. But there is no reason for me to think that way. If Tallest Red followed through, I would be dead and I would have no emotions," he said. "My PAK may have malfunctioned from stress."

She liked being held by him too. “Perhaps that is so,” she said thoughtfully; and tried to ignore the unprofessional amount of happiness his comparison had brought her. Besides, stress could indeed have been it. “Can you run a diagnostic?” She had no idea how the cyborgs truly functioned. Also, “I’m… surprised it would be me you’d feel that way for. And I think that if your PAK is malfunctioning, my… whatever must be as well.”

"I did a quick PAK check, but I found nothing wrong. I would need lab equipment to do something more thorough. But I am unwilling to leave your office at the moment," Mik admitted, still holding onto her. "I have never been so close to death... well... no, that isn't true, I have almost been killed several times by tallers, but this _felt_ closer to death. So... I am feeling very relieved to have been spared and I believe feeling another living person is helping me stabilize. So if you do not mind, Lea, I would like to reaffirm that I am indeed alive a little longer."

Lea smiled before she could stop herself. No, no, no, she was _not_ falling for his words! “I don't mind at all,” she breathed softly. “In fact, I like this too.” No! She wasn't supposed to tell him that. She was not supposed to _feel good_ in his arms. She was supposed to, at most, be happy to help her patient - or even not help him, because he was an Irken. An Irken she’d said could call her ‘Lea’ and an Irken she knew she was falling for. “J _ust enjoy this moment in his arms, Lea_ ,” she whispered softly to herself without realising she’d actually said it out loud and she squeezed him a little tighter.

Mik felt her squeeze and hold on tightly. His antennae picking up on the whispered words. He held on tightly to her as well, figuring that she had also faced a near-death experience and needed the reassurance that she was alive. Pulling back he gently held her face in his hands and closed his eyes concentrating on touching his antennae to her forehead. "I can feel your heat, and sense the blood under your skin. You are very much alive, Lea, and so am I."

She closed her eyes as well. She could feel him under her hands. And arms. Beneath the lab coat was a very much alive _fleshy_ body, which was almost startling, for a cyborg wasn't supposed to feel that organic, were they? The brush of antennae against her skin felt like a _kiss_ and that jolted her to the very core. “Mik, I…” she began in a stunned tone. “Am I alive or… am I dreaming?”

"I have little experience with dreams; PAKs don't function in that way," Mik said, lifting his antennae. 

“That’s alright,” she said softly, surprised because she _meant_ it too.

"But you are most certainly alive. We both are. And I feel much more stable; thank you, Lea," Mik said. "We should return to Tallest Purple and Lilith. Do..." He frowned. "Do you think we should also inform Tallest Purple of Lilith's parents?"

Lea forced herself to open her eyes. “I think we should leave that to Red.” She wasn't sure if Purple cared, or even knew who Zim was to begin with. “He didn't seem to be interested when Tak said his name earlier.” Then she reached out and very gently laid her hand against Mik’s cheek. She knew she shouldn't, but she _needed_ to. Just for a moment. To feel his skin beneath her fingers. He was _real_. Living, breathing and… again, not what she had ever expected an Irken to feel like. It was as stunning as touching Purple and feeling _life growing_ in his stomach was; but touching Mik was far different and she felt hard-pressed to stop.

"I will do as you suggest and consult Tallest Red next time I see him," Mik said and when she touched his cheek he remained still for her. "Do you need further touch to confirm my existence?" he asked sincerely.

“Would you permit that?” she asked equally sincerely. “Because I believe that is… exactly what I need right now. You're not like any other Irken I’ve…” She sighed and shook her head. “You’re not like _anyone_ I’ve ever met,” she amended.

"Oh, thank you, you are unique as well. I have never been around someone who wished to spend prolonged amounts of time with me. So, yes, of course. How may I assist? You can touch wherever you like," Mik said.

Her eyes jumped to his in surprise. Had he really meant…? “Everywhere?” she whispered, still touching his cheek. “I’m sure you don't mean _that_.” Of _course_ he didn't. He wasn't activated. She leaned forward and touched her forehead to his. “Mik, I must confess… I enjoy spending prolonged amounts of time with you,” she admitted.

"R-really?" Mik seemed startled by that and not minding the touch. That admittance seemed to fluster him more than any touching or hugging that they did. "You _like_ being around me? Are you sure it's not just tolerance?"

She carefully studied his face, then smiled. “‘Tolerance’ is what I feel for nearly everyone _else_ on this ship. Lilith is a precious cupcake, of course; but _you_ …” She caressed his cheek with her thumb, then lowered her hand respectfully to his shoulder. “You’ve made my stay here notably _pleasant_ since you arrived through that… crazy florpus hole.”

"Oh," Mik said, a pleased flush on his cheeks. "I've never had anyone say my presence was pleasant and mean it," he said. "I am even more grateful to Tallest Red for not killing me. I would have never been told such a thing otherwise."

“Really, no one?” Of course she believed him. And she caught herself struck by how cute his flush was. “I’m glad he didn't kill you either. I… I would miss you terribly.” She glanced down, then back up. “I don't mean that just because I value your experience and knowledge as a professional, I also mean it because… I like you on a personal level a lot. - Okay, that was admittedly an understatement. I like you more than just a lot.”

"Oh!" Mik gasped, his face noticeably more blue. His PAK whirred a bit as it tried to process this new feeling that rose strongly. "I...I find your presence soothing and enjoyable as well and not because of your excellent mind and knowledge. You..." he paused as he realized this was true. "You are the first to treat me as an equal."

Yes, she liked his blush, and his words brought one to her cheeks. “Thank you, Mik. As a professional, well, you might technically even outrank me. I’m not sure how Vortian and Irken titles compare.” Then she squeezed his shoulder gently. “But as a person, you _are_ my equal and I… have come to cherish you.”

"I... oh.... thank you.... I am also.... um..." For some reason his PAK was having a hard time processing. Probably because he had been experiencing a much larger range of emotion than it was used to, thus it was harder to find the proper words. "I like being alive with you," is what it eventually came up with.

She, however, smiled. That was, in her honest opinion, exactly the right way to put it, especially considering how close both had thought he, and possibly herself too, had come to _not_ being alive. “I like being alive with you too.” She again touched her head to his, then drew back and reached for his hand. “So… what would you say to having dinner with me later? Just the two of us.” She could hardly believe the words as they left her mouth, but she did not take them back and, instead, waited patiently for his answer.

“Yes, I think that would be good. I think I need the full amount of sugar instead of just snacks after today.” Mik nodded. “After, of course, Tallest Purple is well and able to leave the medbay.”

Lea was not going to jump for joy, she wasn't… _Never_. She was not a silly teen girl, she was a mature Vortian _woman_ who had impeccable control of herself and her emotions. She _was_.. “Excellent!” she exclaimed anyway and a warm grin settled on her face. “Thanks. Then I suppose we should go check on our patient now, hmm?”

“Yes,” Mik agreed and the two of them left her office to go back to Purple where Lilith was still telling stories about her parents.

Seeing them both come back, Lilith, having just finished telling about the time Gir filled the house with waffles, spoke up first. “Are you all done breathing?” she asked innocently. “Red said Lea was helping Uncle Mik learn to breathe again. That’s a funny thing to forget.”

Lea shrugged and indicated Mik. “It would appear so,” she said, then looked back towards her office, then back to the group. “Ah, but could you excuse me for just one tiny moment? I forgot something.”

She couldn't wait and walked back to her office, managing to do so with some sense of dignity. That is, until the door closed, and then --

_”YES! YES! YES! I have a date with Mik! YES!_ ”

\-- She made full use of the fact Red had left the room on soundproof mode. Then, with that out of her system and when she once again had gotten ahold of herself, she straightened her lab coat out and squared her shoulders. “Computer, end soundproof mode.”

_”Are you sure?”_ it asked. ” _Or do you want to yell and jump around some more first?_ ”

“Tempting offer, but no, I’m good now. Just do as you're told,” she ordered it.

_”As you wish: Soundproof mode ended._ ”

With that, she marched back out to the others and stood beside Mik. “Sorry, he left the soundproof mode on,” she whispered to him and winked.

“Oh, yes.” Mik nodded, then went to check on the IV and noticed it was emptying as he approached, but before removing it, he wanted to make sure Purple didn’t need another one. “May I check your vital reader, My Tallest?” he asked, waiting to have access to Purple’s bracelet.

Holding Lilith securely with his other arm, Purple held out his hand with the wristband for Mik to check. “Here.”

Now fully in her professional mode, Lea followed as Mik approached Purple. “Everything okay, Sugarplum? How are you feeling now?” she asked her smeeting patient and hopped up beside him and Lilith so she could ruffle Lilith’s hair in greeting, but Purple was focused on Mik.

“Hey!” Lilith said in protest, but she was grinning. 

Lea giggled and winked at Lilith. “I’m so sorry I had to miss all your wonderful stories, but we three had boring grown up stuff we _had_ to discuss.”

“That’s okay,” Lilith said, smiling. 

“Okay, Sweetie. Thank you for understanding,” Lea said warmly.

Mik tapped his reader to the bracelet. “Oh! Good, your nutrients levels have gone back up. They are above your normal intake, which is what you want in order to provide nutrients to your smeet,” he said, then glanced up at Purple as a thought occurred to him. “Do you have a personal reader, er, PAD with you?”

“So… my smeet should be okay even though I…” Purple didn't want to finish the sentence. “Is my smeet okay now?” he repeated instead. It was bad enough Red told them, _he_ didn't have to say it as well. Then he shook his head at the question. “Not here. It’s in my quarters. Do I need one?”

“Yes, your smeet is doing well,” Mik said, assuringly. “And, no, you don’t need it now; but when you return, if you bring it with you, I can download a program into it that will allow you to check your nutrients levels on your own. As the smeet grows, it will be more difficult for you to move around the Massive. If you get used to checking and using the PAK IVs in your quarters as needed, I think that will lessen your stress, both about the wellbeing of your smeet and your stress of coming to the medbay. If you send frequent reports on your wellbeing through your PAD, there will be less need for us to frequently check in or for you to come here.”

Purple nodded. “Okay.” The idea of not having to always come here or bother Lea (and probably Mik too) was definitely preferable to him. “That would be good,” he said.

Lea looked at Purple and rested her hand on Purple’s lower back for a few moments, then she turned to Mik. “Mik, could you scan him one more time to make sure his uterus is calm?”

“Yes, of course,” Mik said, bringing his reader over to scan him and show Lea the results. “Things seemed to have stabilized.” 

“Is Purple all better now?” Lilith asked.

Lea took it and looked it over before handing it back to him. “It’s calmer than I expected,” she announced, then looked at Purple and Lilith. “Yes, that means he’s all better and may leave the medbay as far as I’m concerned.” Lea reached into her pocket and produced a wrapped Vortian candy. “Look what I found for Honorary Midwife Lilith.” She held it up to her.

Lilith’s eyes lit up. “Candy!” she exclaimed, excitedly receiving it from her. 

“Yep. Hope you like it. It’s from my planet,” Lea said.

“Oooo!” Lilith said, unwrapping it and popping it into her mouth where she shoved it into her cheek like a squirrel. “Space candy!” she said, nodding that she liked the flavor.

  
  


“Everything looks stable if you would like to return,” Mik said. “Oh, and we are leaving it up to Tallest Red to discuss with you the matters he spoke with us about,” he added as that was what Lea had advised.

Purple nodded. “Okay. Then I would like to go now.” Then he looked at Lilith. “Are you ready?”

“Yep! Let’s go!” She turned to Tak, “Bye bye!” Stink had slunk away the moment Red left not wanting to be around Purple without Red there.

Lea patted her on the head, then hopped back down. “Cya later, Lilith. Purple, go and relax now.” She smiled.

Purple scooted off the table, carefully holding Lilith so that she didn't fall. “Bye,” he said as well and left the medbay, making his way to the quarters, holding Lilith with both hands.

Pulling out her PAD, Lea turned to Mik. “I’ll send Red a message that Purple’s been released.”

When they left, Lilith called out to wait then turned to Compy walking beside them. “Compy, Purple was sick so it’s not good to hop around. Can you make a safe path for us to walk across the lava?” 

” _Certainly, Lilith,”_ it said, then turned off the lights on the floor. A moment later, there were a number of very surprised exclamations from the nearby hallways.

“Thank you, Compy,” Lilith said, then looked back to Purple. “It’s safe now,” she told him. 

Purple wasn’t sure why the floor hadn’t been safe just because of some lights, but he nodded as they began their walk back to the Tallest quarters.


	26. Kamikaze

In the medbay Mik turned to Tak. “Is there anything else you need, General Tak?” he asked, unable to call her name without her title as she terrified him and he didn’t know what her title was here.

“‘General Tak’, I like that,” she said, then she glared at Mik. “But don't think that’s going to get you anywhere with me. I may be a Championless Trophy, but that doesn't mean I’m looking for one. And, no, I only wanted to see how Purple was. Since he’s well, I’ll be on my way.” And she marched out.

“She’s a general in your universe, is she?” Lea asked Mik.

“Yes. She is one of the instructors on Irk assigned to the natural born smeets. She teaches weapons and battle strategies and is one of the few Irkens that all smeets will listen to without question, even Tallest Smeet Maroon respects and fears her,” Mik said. “I feel unsafe just calling her without a title, but I don’t know which one is safe to call her here.”

“That doesn't surprise me. She has a temper,” Lea said. “Her title is Trophy, but as you might have noticed, she doesn't like it much.” Then she looked up. “Computer, remove the privacy screens. I want my medbay back to normal.”

The screens lowered and folded up, then disappeared into the floor revealing three medics and the guard, who was looking anything but happy with them and complaining about his now bare foot.

“Work is never done...” Lea growled and strutted over to the four. “What is going on here and _why_ are you in the Tallest medbay?” she demanded.

“I couldn't get to another one because of the floors, and I stepped on it, but these idiots can't find anything wrong!” the ‘hurt’ guard snapped.

“The floor. And what’s wrong with the floor?” Lea asked.

“Outside. It’s molten. All over the ship.”

Lea looked to Mik, rolled her eyes, and went to the door. When it opened, she walked out, then turned around to face them. “This floor? The one I’m standing on?”

The guard frowned and scooted off the table, then hopped over on one foot so as to favour his ‘hurt’ one. He looked at the now normal floor in confusion. “I guess it’s been repaired.”

Lea rolled her eyes. “Get out of here!” she barked and strutted back inside. “And take your boot!”

A medic scrambled to bring it to him.

“What about my foot?”

“Go to the other medbay,” she said. When he didn't look convinced, she added, “Out! Before I have you thrown out in bitty pieces!”

At that, he took his boot and, with an affronted _‘humph!’_ , hopped out of the medbay.

Lea went back over to Mik. “Didn't know Irkens were hypochondriacs too… - ‘The floor is molten’,” she snorted.

“Oh, well, if he did indeed touch a molten floor and his pain receptors didn’t notice, he may have damaged his PAK’s sensory input as well,” Mik guessed, not familiar with the game Lilith had been playing.

“Ah, I see,” she replied, having not known that about PAK’s. “Computer, are you malfunctioning?”

” _No, Head Medical Drone Lea-Nard. All systems are functioning within normal parameters_.”

“Then why didn't alarms go off if the entire floor all over the ship was molten?”

_”Because it was not. It was just lights.”_

“That’s what I thought,” Lea said, though she didn't miss what sounded like a tinny snicker. She ignored it and shrugged to Mik. “I think the guard and his foot will survive.”

“Oh, that is good then,” Mik said. “I believe it is best I go back to researching the drug and the new scent samples. When Tallest Red is... calmer we should ask him about test subjects.”

Lea nodded. “Good idea and I’ll help you. I can get you all the information on the drug we have on Vort, including personal accounts not open to the Irken Empire.” She would, of course, not be interfering with his work.

“Yes, that would be most helpful,” Mik said, as he went to work with Lea. 

*****

Lilith and Purple were back in their quarters with snacks for Lilith--Purple found he wasn't feeling hungry, nor did he want a smoothie--and just a juice for him. They were in the dining room and the panel next to them was open so they could look out into space. Purple, perched on the table beside Lilith, still really loved that sight. _Free_. “I’ll never get enough of this,” he told her. “I spent my whole smeethood underground.”

“It’s really pretty,” Lilith agreed as she stuffed another bite of donut into her mouth. “How come you had to live underground? Did you live on an alien planet too?”

Purple opened his mouth to say ‘no’, but then remembered he hadn't been on his homeworld. “Well… kinda, yeah. The planet belongs to Irkens, but it wasn't our home planet. I had to stay there and learn and… stuff. I was not allowed to go anywhere without bodyguards and chaperones. Tak too. We lived and learned and grew up together.”

"And now that you're grown up, you don't live there anymore? Don't you miss your home?" Lilith asked.

Purple shook his head. “I never want to see it again. I didn't like it there… It wasn't a good place,” he explained. “I only got to leave it when I…” How best to put it? “When I became Red’s Life Mate. He brought me aboard his ship and showed me space for the first time.” He smiled, remembering how awestruck he’d been. “Since then I-”

It was then that a flash, so bright it seemed to light up the entire galaxy, struck.

Lilith gasped and hopped off the stool to run over to the window and press her face against the glass. "Look!" she said, excitedly pointing. "A Voot just crashed and exploded!" She was able to tell what had happened because of the simulator. "Right into the wall!”

Purple slipped off the table and walked up to the window beside Lilith. “A voot?” He asked. “Are you sure?” He could see parts floating around alongside the Massive, but couldn't tell it was a voot.

"Yep," she said, fully confident. "Only a voot makes such a good explodey. In the flying game, I crashed my voot into all kinds of ships, but only voots explode like that." Lilith eagerly peered around. "Do you think there are more that are gonna explode?" she asked hopefully.

“Oh, okay. But no, I don't know.” Purple watched with her for a few more moments. “I think I’ll call Red and see if he knows anything about it.”

He turned away from the window panel and walked up to a screen, then pressed the call button.

Shortly came Red’s face on the screen with the viewscreen on the bridge in the background. _“Everything okay, Purple?”_

“Lilith and I just saw what she thinks was a voot crash into the side of the Massive,” Purple said.

“ _Oh, yeah, I ordered it.”_

Purple frowned. “You ordered a voot to crash into the Massive?” Red nodded. “Why?”

_”To see how much damage they actually do,”_ Red replied. _”Good news: It does none.”_

Purple rolled his eyes. “Well, a warning would have been nice. The flash startled me.”

_”Sorry, Sunshine.”_

"Red! Red!" Lilith ran over to the screen jumping up and down and waving, trying and get into view since she was so short. "Do a spittle runner next! I wanna show Purple how their explodey looks. Voots make big explodies, the best explodies! But spittle runners have prettier colors."

Purple picked her up so Red could see her too. 

” _A spittle runner, huh?_ ” Red smirked. _Then go over to the window.”_

“Red, you’re not going to-” he began to protest, but Red made an affirmative motion to someone offscreen, then pointed behind Purple, so Purple carried Lilith over to the window with a sigh.

Sure enough, they watched a single spittle runner depart from the Armada and come flying in kamikaze. A small screen popped up next to the window showing an outside view of the Massive and death row spittle runner.

Lilith clapped in delight when it hit the Massive. "See?! That one has a slightly blue explosion cause their engines are hotter than the voot and when they explode it gets super heated and the blue will melt the metal really good. The voot makes a bigger explodey but not as hot because all the explody parts are right next to each other. If Pop's voot crashed, it would be broken, but he could probably fly away," she told Purple excitedly. "RED! DO A RIPPER!" Lilith screamed back at the call though Red could hear them just fine. "They bounce once then explode!"

_”Alright_ ,” Red said. _”Let’s see if you're right about the explosion.”_

As Purple and Lilith watched, a ripper soon appeared on a collision course.

"Go! Go! GO!" Lilith flailed in excitement as the ripper's rounder style did indeed bounce once, then exploded from the inside out. "Hehehe!" she giggled. "The spinny energy maker doesn't like being smashed and it gets real mad and explodes."

” _Yep, right you are!_ ” Then the large call screen behind them shut off and a screen in front of them popped up with Red on it. _”Now I can see your expressions,”_ he said. ” _So, now which one should I do?_ ” he asked and when Purple looked at the screen, Red had a delighted but evil toothy smirk. _”A viral tank or… a shuvver?”_

" _*A shuvver,*_ " Lilith whispered, her eyes dilated. "I like it when their lasers go off."

” _Okay_ ,” Red said, his voice matching his red devil expression. And there went a little shuvver too.

Like Lilith said, it crashed and bounced back; and, as it began to swell, all four of its lasers went off, slicing through everything nearby as well as scorching the side of the Massive much to Lilith's absolute delight, then it, too, exploded.

” _And now, a viral tank!”_ Red announced evilly. And there came the large beast.

"That one makes a loud boom and pops a bunch!" Lilith said with delight as it crashed with a large boom, shaking several nearby ships. Amidst the large explosion were several small popping ones as the several reactors inside set off a chain explosion.

Red roared with evil laughter, then cut himself off. ” _Hahaha-Huh? Got another call...”_ He stayed on screen, though on his end, he opened up the other call in split screen view.

_”DID YOU SMASH A VIRAL TANK INTO MY MEDBAY?!”_ demanded Lea-Nard’s furious voice.

” _Was that the medbay?”_ Red gasped, looking innocent, then he grinned wickedly. ” _Yes. Yes, I did. Enjoy the view?”_

_”Well, cut it out! We’re trying to work here and the flashes are pissing me off!”_ she snapped. _”We’re trying to concentrate on your blasted drug problem!”_

Red made a motion to someone offscreen, then turned back and waited with a blank face.

A moment later another explosion came, followed by a venomous string of Vortian cusswords which the translators gave up on.

_”A RING CUTTER!?!”_

_”That’s payback,”_ Red said.

” _Well, are you done yet or shall Mik and I call it a day and let_ your _scientists do this?_ ”

Red looked offscreen, then back to the screen. _”I’m out of ship types now.”_ He shrugged. There was then the sound of the other call ending and Red looked at Lilith apologetically. ” _Sorry, show's over. I really am out of ships.”_

"That one had the most fire," Lilith said wistfully. Then turned back to Red. "Are you gonna go pick up the people now?"

Purple shot Red a warning look.

_”Yes, though I have someone else to do that for me,”_ Red answered with a wink. ” _Rulers don't pick people up themselves. - Well, unless it’s their purple sunshine.”_ He grinned at Purple.

"Okay. Like an ambulance? I hear them all the time, going down the street. They pick up people that are hurt and bring them to the hospital." Lilith looked back to space, then to Red with worry. "Do you think their eject buttons got them far enough away from the explosions?"

Red snorted. _”Of course they did. They fly these ships all the time, they’d better be able to get sufficiently far away._ ”

Purple looked at him questioningly, as he’d read all about ships, he could affirm that the eject would've been sufficient except… he hadn't _seen_ any pilots eject. “Red…” he whined.

Red simply winked at him. _”Anyway, now I know how much damage each of these ships do when crashing into the Massive. The casualties are one Vortian’s good mood and the earholes of anyone who speaks that particular Vortian dialect. - I had no idea Vortian had that many expletives._ ”

Purple snickered, he couldn't help it. Though he was fluent, he hadn’t understood all (or even most) himself. “She probably made some up?”

” _Probably._ ”

"What's an expla-tive?" Lilith asked, tilting her head to the side. She felt better knowing that no one got hurt and that Red was going to have someone pick up all the people floating around in space.

_”I’ll let Purple explain it. He’s the one who’s good with words,”_ Red answered. _Anyway, duty calls. Cya later!_ ” And the call ended.

Purple glared at the screen. “ _Me?_ ” Then he looked at Lilith. “Do you think he did that on purpose? I mean, just ended the call so I couldn't protest?”

"Yep!" Lilith giggled. "Oh!" she said, as she remembered something. Forgetting about what her last question was. "I made a picture." She wiggled in his arms to be put down.

Purple put her down, then snorted at the screen before following her to see.

Lilith went to the couch where she had left her PAD and swiped through her drawings until she found the one she wanted. "When it's the weekend, we should go to the beach! I've wanted to go for a long time. It looks like a lot of fun! And Tak can come too! I drew Compy there too, but we would need to get him an upgrade so he doesn't need a plug," she said, showing her picture proudly.

Purple looked at it. He liked the picture except… he and Red were in their underwear? And absolutely _nothing else._ It made his cheeks heat up. He recognised Tak as well, and she and Lilith were clad at least a little more decently. But, as Lilith spoke her wishes, he blinked. “What is ‘the beech’?”

"I saw it on TV all the time," Lilith said. "This is the ocean, it's a reeeeeeelly big water, it covers most of Earth. You can swim in it! And this is sand. It's supposed to be soft, and, when wet, you can build stuff with it like that." She pointed to the building in front of Tak. "And you and Red are playing with a ball that you hit back and forth on the beach, a beach ball. I'm swimming because I'm a really good swimmer. Daddy taught me at the pool he had the base build. He said it wasn't good to be scared of water like Pops is."

“Well, I didn't understand half the words you said, but it… sounds fun.” Well, she made it sound nice. “And we do this stuff in our underwear? I don't think I could do that… especially with other people around.”

Lilith giggled. “That’s not underwear! It’s a swimsuit! It’s pants made for swimming that dry quick when they get wet. Boys wear pants and girls wear one-pieces like this or bikinis,” she said and quickly drew what a bikini looked like on another blank page. “But Daddy says you have to be an adult to wear a bikini. Do you think Tak would like a bikini instead?” she asked.

Purple looked at the thing called ‘bee-kee-nee’ and was certain Tak would not like that at all. It was even less covering than the swimsuit he and Red were depicted wearing, but had a weird chest piece. As armor, it didn't protect much, just two circular sections on the front. It made absolutely no sense to him.

“I don't think Tak would want that, no,” he told her honestly.

“That’s what I thought.” Lilith nodded. “If we can’t go to the beach, maybe we can have a pool party at the Massive’s pool. Let’s ask Red when he gets back,” she said.

Purple nodded. Again, he didn't fully understand. The only pools he’d ever heard of were places you did not want to go into. Pools of muck; of waste; dangerous fluids; or even blood. Definitely nothing any Irken in their right mind would ever willingly get into and most absolutely not dressed like _that_. Still, he agreed that if Lilith somehow thought it was a good thing, they should talk to Red. He knew about all sorts of cool stuff Purple didn't.

“Yes, we’ll talk to Red, then,” he said. “If there is anything in which you can go into that’s safe, he'll know about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://ibb.co/1R22JjP Use this to see Lilith’s drawing of the beach day! :)


	27. Something Impossible

Despite Red’s infuriating shenanigans with the ships earlier, Lea found she simply could not stay upset as she normally might have. The prospect of spending time with Mik now that he knew she _liked_ him kept her in such high of spirits that even Red couldn't ruin them. In fact, it had taken all of her skills as a professional to contain her joy. _‘Quit it, Lea…’_ she told herself as she began tidying up the medbay for the next shift. _‘It’s a date with a_ friend; _nothing to get yourself all fussed over.’_ But it _was_ something to get all fussed over; it was her first date of any kind in… long enough, anyway. 

This time it was with someone she knew wouldn't have any ‘plans’ she wasn't interested in. Someone who wouldn't objectify her, because Mik valued _her_ , not what he hoped to get from her. And she was truly excited about spending time with him. _‘It just_ had _to be an Irken, didn't it?’_ she asked herself. _‘No,’_ she corrected herself. _‘It just has to be_ Mik.’ After all, he wasn't just _any_ Irken. He was… so much like herself. Same interests, same passion for the field (even if he’d never use the word). It was just nice being around him, listening to him, his ideas and thoughts, his insatiable curiosity. Yep, she had it bad. And she had a date! With Mik!

“Lea,” Mik said, turning away from the lab station he had been stuck to for the last several hours. “I have done all that I can today. The scent samples are being analyzed and I’ve done as much preliminary analyses on the drug as possible. All that is left is to speak with Tallest Red about test subjects. However, I think I will wait until tomorrow to approach the subject, as he has retired to his chambers with Tallest Purple and Lilith,” he said, explaining that he was done with work. “I believe now is the best time to go get foods together.”

Lea smiled, and even managed to keep it under control. A pleasant smile. “Alrighty,” she said. “I was thinking my quarters? We could go to the ship’s cafeteria if you want, of course, but it’s bound to be busy. My quarters, on the other hand, would be quiet and peaceful.”

"Yes. If you do not mind. I thought of suggesting your office, but I would rather not spend more time there today," Mik said, having almost died in that room after all. "And the cafeteria is not the best place for conversation as it tends to get loud. Your quarters would be much better," he agreed.

Lea smiled, secretly thrilled that Mik wanted to _talk_ with her instead of go to the cafeteria. “Then, follow me,” she said, and lead him from the medbay. Of course, it wasn't far to her place since she needed to be able to get there fast should an emergency arise. Then she stopped before the door. “I… may have done some decorating of my own,” she said as his only warning, then touched the panel to open the door and she beckoned him to follow.

Inside, though clearly an Irken room (and larger than a mere drone would have since she was listed as the highest ranking medical deone - perhaps a little fancier, since she had been able to demand more from Red), were items of notable Vortian design which she had clearly attempted to match to the Irken colours. It was not, however, eccentric or distastfully decorated, and the items seemed either personal, practical, or for comfort. The furniture itself was Irken, standard to the Massive.

“My little piece of Vort,” she said, hoping he understood. “Kitch- dining chamber.” She indicated an open door to her right. “Living chamber,” was across from it. “And bedchamber with _en suite_ cleaning chamber,” were at the end. Only the cleaning chamber’s door was closed.

Mik looked around as she showed him the different areas. "You have a good amount of space, and it seems well lived in and cared for. Since Tallest Purple has not been smeeting long, I am impressed that you were able to personalize so much. It usually takes Irkens much longer. I have yet to make any changes to the space I have been provided," he said.

Lea shrugged. “And such is why we made the world’s most comfortable couches and you didn't.” She chuckled a little. “Anyway, if I have to deal with Irkens all day, you can imagine I wanted my own retreat. A little bit of home away from home.” She then guided him to the dining chamber, which was smaller than the Tallest’s by far, and had a little dining table that would comfortably sit up to four smallers. “We can eat here or the living chamber.”

"Which do you prefer? I will go with your decision," Mik said, since this was her quarters. 

“The living chamber, then. I find it more comfortable there.” She went over to the panel. “What would you like? You said something more than just sugar, and of course I have Irken and Vortian selections.”

"Yes, while sugar is the main portion of an Irken diet, I find sugar in the form of carbs to be useful in storing more energy for my PAK," Mik said.  
  


“Very practical,” she observed, smiling. That way he could spend more time on work instead of food. 

  
"Do you need my assistance in preparing food for us?"

“The computer does it all,” she said. “I just need to know what you would like.” She pulled up a list of Irken items with high carbs. “Or Vortian.” She pulled up a second list, with Irken descriptions.

Since he never had the chance to try Vortian food before, Mik picked something from the Vortian list. "This is very generous of you to share your food and personal space with me. You are the first to do so," he said, wanting to let her know that this was a unique experience for him. "I do not think I would have been able to experience anything or anyone like you in my universe."

“It is my pleasure, Mik. It’s not often I have a guest, here or at home,” she said warmly. “So I suppose, in this regard, we can consider ourselves fortunate, for I have never met anyone like you, Irken or otherwise,” she said, as she made her own selection as well as drinks. It took a moment, but soon a panel opened with their chosen foods. “If you don't like that, let me know,” she said as she picked them up. “Oh! Where are my manners? If you wish to change or clean up, I’ll show you the way. The computer will also provide you with new clothing, if you wish. - Right, Computer?”

_”Yes, I can easily replicate his uniform or he can select from a number of standard formal or casual options according to his rank.”_

Lea rolled her eyes at the mention of rank. “Don't make me rewire you. As my professional partner in assisting the Tallest, he is to be considered of equal rank to me from now on, or am I not being clear enough, Computer?”

It sighed heavily. ” _He can have anything below Ascending Tallest attire, of course,”_ it amended - clearly she had threatened it before.

“There are some advantages to being ‘Head Medical drone’ on an Irken ship, after all,” she told Mik. “And apparently I do outrank an Invader outside of the medbay.”

“Oh,” Mik looked down at his uniform. “I have never worn anything but this,” he said, patting his head medic uniform. “But I have heard of the custom of changing out of uniforms when in casual situations or in one’s quarters, especially when with others you feel close with. However, I have never had the opportunity to try so I am unsure what I should change into. What do you suggest?” he asked, seeming eager to try this new experience.

Lea set the tray down on the table - it could wait for the moment - then beckoned him to follow her along to her bedchambers. Suddenly, she halted at the door as she saw the bed she’d neglected to make that morning. “Pardon the mess. I was in a bit of a rush this morning and I don't like how the computer does it,” she said by way of explaination, then went over to the panel and turned it on.

“These are your quarters, you don’t need to apologize for how it is arranged. I am not here to inspect for personal space for evaluation,” Mik reassured her.

She smiled, feeling honestly relieved that he didn't mind the bed. “Thank you.” At least the rest of the room was tidy. She looked back at him. “I suppose you would like casual then. Something Irken or… maybe Vortian?” 

Mik’s antennae perked up. “Since meeting you, I confess to having developed an interest in learning more about Vort culture, as such knowledge was unavailable for me to access in my universe. If it would not bother you to have an Irken in Vortian clothing, I would like to try that option.”

His curiosity and interest in her culture made her smile even more. “It wouldn't bother me in the least. Quite the opposite, in fact.” Never had she met an Irken that _wanted_ to try Vortian things. “Alrighty, then I believe I have just the thing.” She assessed him for a moment, nothing they were the same height, then turned back to the panel and made her selection.

A moment later, she was holding a long, high-collared robe with long sleeves and a belt at the waist. It opened in the front and had closures set in the middle to fasten it. Along with that, she had a pair of black invader style pants. She held both up for him to see. “Vortian pants aren't going to work, of course,” she said, putting one of her digigrade legs forward and nodding to it. “But this should do otherwise. We don't usually wear pants under it, but of course you may if you want. We don't have shoes, so you can wear boots.” She looked at him a moment, then added, “Or go barefoot, whichever you're most comfortable in. That’s the whole point: To be comfortable. The belt is mostly for looks, it isn't tight or anything, nor does it serve much practical purpose.” She chuckled a little.

“I see,” Mik said, accepting the dark blue robe. “I would like to immerse myself in this cultural experience as authentically as possible. Will you be wearing pants, boots,” Mik glanced down at his hands, “or gloves?” he asked.

She looked down at her bare hands and shook her head. “If you don't mind, I would also forego the pants.” She turned to the panel to make her own selection and, once she had it, she showed it to him. It was long like his with a shorter, wider collar and belt.

He nodded. “Where should I put my clothes I am currently wearing? I believe it would be best if I changed back when leaving. As I am required to wear my uniform around the Massive.”

“Are you? Even off duty?” Although now that she thought about it, she had never seen any Irken not wearing their uniforms except for the Tallests. “Well, you can just leave them here on the bed. If you like, I could have them cleaned and the computer could replicate, or whatever Irkens call it, fresh ones.”

“That would work thank you,” Mik said, then removed his gloves and touched the material of the robe directly. “Oh! This is very soft, as expected from the makers of the universe’s most comfortable couch.” He was eager to see what it would feel like against his skin. Then, because he trusted Lea to not attack him, without preamble or a thought to warn her, his PAK legs popped out to stabilize themselves as he detached his PAK to more easily take off his medical coat and pulled off his tunic.

Having been unable not to look at his bare hands because it was the first time she’d ever seen them, Lea was even more surprised then when he just casually removed his PAK like it was nothing and her mouth fell open.

Mik picked up the robe and realized that there were no PAK ports. His PAK would automatically make some but he wanted to check to see if that was alright with Lea first.

Holding up the robe he turned to her. “Lea is it okay if—-are you alright? You appear to have gone into shock.” Mik approached her, concern on his face. As he walked by it, his PAK reattached and the legs retreated back inside.

She closed her mouth. “Am… am I? I thought you couldn't remove your PAK,” she explained as she attempted to get ahold of herself. “I mean, it kills you, doesn't it?” She also had not known it could move on its own.

“Oh!” Mik said in understanding, realizing that she had probably never heard of an Irken removing their PAK, for obvious reasons. “Well, yes, if I go ten minutes without my PAK, my body will shut down and die,” Mik said matter of factly. “If willingly removed, however, there is a five minute grace period where there will be no symptoms. However, after that the organic brain will begin to shut down.” He hesitated a moment. “It is possible for another Irken to attach their PAK to a PAKless Irken to prolong that death, but the moment they do, their PAK will try to take over the other’s body and well.... it is a very complicated and dangerous thing to do,” he said, remembering what happened with his Tallest. “However, in order to change, a PAK needs to be removed as Irken issue uniforms only have holes for PAK ports. Oh! Which leads me to ask if I may put holes in this.” He held up the robe he had carried over with him.

“Oh,” Lea said, in a mix of awestruck and dumbstruck. “I had no idea. Irkens don't tend to talk about that much, as you can imagine… Nor have I looked into it,” she admitted. “I really know very little about your PAKs. But… yes, you may indeed put holes in the clothing,” she answered.

“It is a fact, the first we learn as smeets: never remove your PAK unless you have to. And to never do so in front of someone who might hurt or kill you... so any other Irken basically.” Mik shrugged. Then looked at Lea a moment. “Would you like to inspect the ports?” he asked. If the situation was reversed, he would surely want to. He also didn’t think she would get another opportunity as not many Irkens would let another so close while they were defenseless, but he trusted her. And more importantly, he understood the need to gain unique knowledge.

Lea understood the meaning and could hardly believe he had offered. That meant he trusted her greatly. She set her clothes on the bed and walked up to him. “Mik… I would indeed, and I know that’s not a light offer. Thank you for trusting me that much.”

"Of course." Mik set his clothes down as well. "There is nothing in my memory or experiences to suggest that you would willingly bring me harm in this situation. And as a fellow medical scientist I would like to give useful information if I can. Certainly, knowing more about Irkens would be helpful in your care of Tallest Purple," he stated, and once again his PAK legs popped out to hold up his PAK as he detached himself. Turning, he let Lea inspect his back. "I... I can only keep the ports connected to my spine open only for a short time before they automatically close. So if you would inspect those first," he instructed, as the two metal ports between his shoulder blades remained open to show the delicate machinery that connected PAK to Irken.

Lea watched in awe as he did it again, then she nodded as she stepped up to him. “I promise, Mik, I won't hurt you.” Then she looked at the ones on his back and winced. “Oh…” she murmured, shaking her head. “I can't believe they do this to you…” As a medic, she couldn't help touching, but only tentatively and only the area to the side of the open ports. “Oh, sorry! Force of habit when inspecting a wound,” she said, quickly withdrawing her hand and inspected without touching again. “Wow.”

The touch was jarring not because it hurt or felt bad, but it seemed overly sensitive, perhaps because it was skin he had never touched himself? "Well, without the PAK, I never would have been alive. We are not conscious or technically alive when the ports are created and only become so after the PAK has been attached and activated. So there is no pain memory associated with the PAK.”

“Oh… yes, I recall something about that in the smeeteries,” she murmured thoughtfully. “Yes, smeets only wake once the PAK is attached. I’m relieved to hear you don't remember the pain.” 

“Oh, um, Lea? Would you mind assisting me in a short experiment?"

“Of course, Mik. It’s the least I can do after the trust you've shown me.”

"Would you... touch the skin along my back?” Mik tentatively asked. “The skin seems to be sensitive around the ports. I am interested in seeing if my hypothesis is correct in that the sensitivity is due to being in contact with the ports and that the skin behind the PAK is sensitive because it is not used to contact like the skin surrounding skin along my back," he explained, looking over his shoulder at her. "I do not think I could ask anyone else to assist in this," he added as a means of persuasion should she feel inclined to assist a fellow scientist.

She blinked at the request. “Yes,” she said seriously. “Of course. Ready?” She reached out and gently touched the skin, running her finger along it and feeling the texture. His skin was much like a Vortian’s, perhaps Vortian skin was a little thicker, but it was very similar. “Ok, the skin here…” She closed her eyes and ran her finger along until she found a slight change in texture. “This skin is softer, feels unexposed, while this skin --” she touched the skin outside where his PAK was. “Is just a little different, Like it has thickened because of exposure. It’s the difference between a baby’s skin and an adult’s.” She liked touching his skin, it felt nice under her fingertips. Maybe it was just because of her feelings for him. She decided that was it.

"O-Oh, yes, okay." Mik nodded, as he carefully paid attention to her touching. "That makes sense and follows with my thinking. I-I feel your touch more intensely against the skin closer to my PAK. It is not unpleasant in any way just... a strongly felt sensation," he said, his antennae falling forward. Then realizing no one was there, they tilted all the way back down his head where they could sense Lea's body heat. Mik had his eyes closed as he tried to analyze the sensations without his other senses getting in the way, and he was aware of his antennae's actions.

Lea did not miss his tone and stilled her hand in surprise as she recognised what was happening to her guest. Then, smiling to herself, she gently resumed her caress of the softer area. “That makes sense,” she said softly. “And how is the strong sensation?” She drew a slow circle around the area, then changed to use the back of her finger and made another circle. Then she used her other hand and touched a finger to it, slowly trailing in towards his ports. “Is this okay? I’m curious if the skin next to the connectors is different.” She did not touch that close though. 

Mik tried to remain observant and alert as Lea helped him test out the different skin stimulus effects, but the more she touched, the harder it was to focus on what she was saying. He checked, but he still had 60 seconds until his brain began to malfunction. So he tried to pay attention to the sensations as her touch seemed to go deeper than just against his skin. 

"I-It's different," Mik managed to say, but he wasn't just talking about the sensation as she reached his ports, though there was that too. He could feel something in his spooch shift and stir. Not bad just... different. It wasn't bad, so he didn't tell her to stop even as the five minutes passed. One more minute shouldn't hurt.

Not knowing about his predicament with his PAK, and being caught up in the moment herself, Lea continued, attuned to the way he responded. Also, she enjoyed this rare chance to touch Mik. “Different good or different bad?” Though she knew it wasn't bad from his tone. She continued and felt the skin next to tbe ports. “It’s slightly harder here. It’s almost as if it’s scarred. As if it had adjusted to accommodate being open to the ports,” she said, stating her professional opinion. “It’s like what happens if an IV is left in too long, so the skin no longer tries to close the wound, it heals around it. But it doesn't appear to have ever been infected. Your skin just adapted.”

"Y-yesss," Mik said slowly. "It... feels... goood," he said as his words started to slur. Then realizing he was approaching seven minutes. "Leee? Paaa?" he said, realizing he would need assistance to get his body over to the PAK.

It took Lea a moment to catch up, first she noticed his strange speech, then she heard ‘PAK’, and then it slowly clicked. “PAK!” she gasped out loud. “Oh! M-Mik, your PAK! How long has it been!?” She spoke mostly to herself, but half to him, then all at once her mind cleared and her professional medic self kicked in. “Ok, be patient,” she said in a calm voice, as she took him in her arms. “I’ve got you.” She picked him up and brought him to his PAK -- “You better do your thing, you damn piece of machinery, because I have no idea how.” -- and positioned him in front of it. “Mik, here. Send it your… whatever.” She held him securely. ‘Oh, do your thing, do your thing!’ she pleaded silently. 

As soon as Mik neared the PAK it sprang to life and reattached itself to him. Lea sighed heavily in relief after the PAK reattached itself. As Mik's mind cleared, the PAK ran a quick internal scan checking for abnormalities or injuries. It sensed no harm done to the host body, but it detected an increase in hormones and brain activity that was not there in the last scan. It was registered as a natural occurrence, and adjusted the scan to include these biological changes as acceptable and adjusted the PAK accordingly. Somewhere deep inside the PAK, something clicked down into place, but Mik didn't notice as he was trying to remember how his legs worked. Since his hormones leveled back out and he was no longer receiving stimulus he hadn't noticed any changes. 

After a few short moments, he straightened and gave Lea an apologetic look. "It seems my ability to make rational decisions is also impaired with PAK removal. Thank you for your assistance." 

“Mik!” she cried, then softened her tone and expression. “How many times a day are you going to almost die on me?” She chuckled with relief, then looked back to him and reached out and touched his cheek just to be sure he was real. “Oh, Mik… Never have I been happier about Irken PAK’s. - Are you sure you're okay?”

"Yes, my PAK readings are all normal," Mik said. "And I hope that the times I almost die in one day do not exceed these two," he said.

“Yes, let's not exceed that.” 

"I am well, I assure you," Mik said, placing his hand over hers as she touched his face because continued contact seemed like something he wanted.

“Oh, that’s good,” she said, relieved. “You're really making it hard for me to hate you cyborgs and your PAK’s.” She chuckled again. “That’s a joke, don't worry. I’m just glad you're okay.”

"Oh, yes, of course," Mik said, then turned back to the robe on the bed. "I think I should change now," he said and, not minding Lea's presence at all, removed his boots and then pants very briefly this time removing his PAK and putting on the robe. Upon nearing his PAK it punched two holes in the fabric then attached itself. Once dressed, he turned to Lea and held up the sash. "How do I tie this on?"

Lea could hardly believe her eyes as Mik stripped the rest of the way in front of her. And he was wearing absolutely _nothing_ underneath. She didn't politely turn away as she should have and she was confronted with more green skin than she’d ever expected to see from Mik. And she… did not mind the view. Of course, there wasn't much to see, as he was not presenting, but she would never get that image out of her head, nor did she want to. Mik was beautiful under his labcoat. Sure, not a Vortian, but… she liked him.

At his question, she did pull herself together,then took it and wrapped it around his waist, and fastened it. “Nothing underneath, hm?” she asked, finally.

She turned around and went over to where her intended clothes were, then faced him again, looking into his eyes, trying to keep it cool, and removed her clothes. All of them. She even managed to look casual while doing so. It occurred to him as she undressed that species whom are naturally activated might not want to be unclothed or have others unclothed around them, But as Lea revealed more of her light purple skin, Mik found himself transfixed. Her color, her legs, her horns were all so different from himself, but he found her fascinating. If she let him, he would have wanted to study her form all night, just seeing how alike and similar they were. 

He found himself slightly disappointed when she put the robe on. She straightened them into place and the wide collar hung over one shoulder as it was intended to. Mik rather liked the peek of shoulder and wanted to study it closer. 

Lea shrugged, blushing a little. “Hope it doesn't look too bad. It’s how it’s supposed to be worn and… heh… this is what it looks like on me.” Then finally she couldn't hold it back and she blushed fully. “That before… that isn't Vortian custom for the first date… just… you trusted me, so… I trusted you.”

As she spoke, Mik snapped back to himself. “I-I am honored you trust me as well. And I did not mind seeing you at all. The way the robe falls off your shoulder is very appealing. As you are as well; a beautiful specimen of your species,” he said, then realized that it might sound like he was disrespecting her.

“Not that I only think of you as something to examine—not that I wouldn’t want to of course, I find your form something I would wish to examine—but that you are aesthetically pleasing to view, but I think that is also because you are an incredibly brilliant scientist and I know you are a highly intelligent being, so I would wish to not only compare bodies, but also your thoughts on such comparisons and, um,” Mik realized that he wasn’t making much sense, but instead of being helpful his PAK was replaying the moment before and focusing in on points of interest: the curve of her neck and the shape of her collarbone. He wished to see them up close and compare them to his own and experience her with his senses. And he was very much confused about the appeal of discovering if her skin tasted as sweet as her scent.

Lea, of course, understood, but she had to giggle at his rambling. “You do know how to make a lady blush,” she couldn't help saying and she was definitely blushing, she was so flattered. 

Then she noticed something, he seemed different than usual. Well… “Flustered are you?” she asked and walked up to him and looked into his eyes. “Thank you, Mik. Probably not how you ever expected to see me. I… I don't do that for everyone. Just… you did and then I guess I thought ‘why not’? - Damnit, now I’m rambling…” She chuckled nervously. “Um, did you want food then…?” She swallowed. “Or…?” She couldn't believe he _liked_ her! 

Mik thought that she had somehow heard his thoughts or he had voiced them out loud as Dib was known to do. 

“Oh! Ah, er, by tasting you I mean I just wanted to see if there was a difference between the taste of your skin as opposed to your sweet and sugary scent. I do not of course wish to actually consume any part of you. I do know for a fact that consuming any part of a partner is frowned upon. But I—-“ Mik looked at her expression. “You meant actual food then?” he asked, feeling extremely foolish. “My brainmeats seem to be malfunctioning,” he said, a bit desperate.

Okay, now she knew for a fact he wasn't acting like himself. She had no idea why, but he was definitely flustered. All because of her? “Oh, Mik, how do you do this to me?” she asked, then touched his cheek, “You’re unraveling me entirely.” But she was smiling at him in adoration. Why did he, an Irken, keep making her feel this way?

She closed her eyes and touched her forehead to his. Mik’s antennae immediately fell forward to brush against her horns and a little half gasp caught in his throat at how warm they were, and her scent was stronger.

It was nice to see his whole face. To touch him. It was amazing that he seemed to like her too. She couldn't hold back anymore, and wrapped her arms around him making Mik freeze in place. _‘Yes, Lea… you're completely lost now,’_ she thought to herself as she held him and inhaled his scent. He felt good and smelled good. "My brainmeats seem to be malfunctioning too."

“Oh—Kay,” Mik breathed. He very much wanted to return the gesture, but he also felt a strong desire to bury his face into her exposed shoulder and he had no idea why he should want that. But since she was a logical woman of science, maybe she could help. “Lea... I don’t mean to alarm you, but I am having unusual thoughts and impulses towards you. Your proximity is making me want to touch and even taste your exposed skin. I am highly confused why I would have such thoughts. If I was activated this might be a mating response, but I have never been activated, so I am unsure what malfunction I am having... or if I am safe to be around, though I strongly feel that I do not want to step away. However, should you think it prudent, I will comply,” he said, trying to reason the strangeness he was feeling.

One of them had to keep a cool head, she decided. Because it seemed neither were capable. She tore herself away and drew back, just to look at him. She told herself she would be that cool head, but the moment she had parted was the moment she wanted to be close to him. So, she returned and hugged him again. “Stay here,” she said. “Stay here with me, Mik. I am also having unusual thoughts and impulses towards you, I… have been for a while. I just did not know you shared them.” Then, “Taste me,” she said.

"Are you sure?" Mik asked, though he was already rubbing his cheek against hers and working his way down to the joint of her neck and shoulder. His antennae brushed against her horns and since her warmth was slowly invading his body and she, another person of logic and science, did not seem distressed and was even asking, then he saw no reason to refuse. Besides, he did want to see what she tasted like. 

Mik very hesitantly opened his mouth to let his tongue slide along her skin, he then quickly withdrew it to fully savor the flavor. "You taste sweet, not unlike sugar, and clean like cleansing gel," he informed her as he began to strongly feel the stirring among his insides. "It's making my spooch twist in... interesting ways."

She tilted her head at his touch. His tongue felt nice on her shoulder. She was lost. She wanted more. She wanted to taste him too. “It… it’s okay, Mik… Very okay,” she said in a husky tone. She was asexual! She knew that. She was okay with that. She wasn't supposed to respond to this. It was a friendly date. He can't have sex. He can't get turned on. But here they were, necking, and she wanted to taste him too. A part of her mind knew pheromones were at play, and her feelings for him too, but… 

She reached to his collar and pulled it down, then ran her lips over his neck, inhaling deeply.

Mik hummed at the pleasant sensation, at the way her lips felt against this skin, soft and warm and.... nice. It created a tingling sensation along his skin that he rather liked, a sensation that traveled down to the core of his spooch. "W-What do I taste like?" he asked, as he was curious to know.

“Like…” she trailed off as she kissed. Then she drew her tongue over his skin. “You taste like pure honey,” she breathed against his neck. “Mik…” She didn't know what else to add. She liked his smell, his taste, his arms around hers. “Can I taste your antennae?” she asked.

"I..." the thought of her doing that made them twitch and he wanted to see if his prediction of how that would feel was correct. "I... think I would enjoy that," Mik said.

She raised her head to find the closest one, then gently touched it with the tip of her pointy tongue, a caress; then she curled her tongue around it and pulled the tip into her mouth. It tasted good, and she was aware of an even more intoxicating scent. She knew it was pheromones, she had just not known his antennae would be laced with them. Nor had she known Irken pheromones could have this effect on Vortians - or herself. But there it was. “Sugar,” she whispered, then added a Vortian word that couldn't be translated. “It’s not a drop fruit, it’s only used for the honey its pollen makes when collected by space bees.” Once she’d said it, she realised it was the stupidest thing she'd ever said. “Nevermind.” She resumed tasting his antennae. The tip was soft and feathery. She liked it.

Mik heard her say words, but the organs that were responsible for hearing such things were greatly distracted by the warm wetness he felt around them, that then made it feel like Lea had wrapped her tongue around his entire body. When she took the tip into her mouth and her delicate tongue wrapped around the end, his insides became very active. They twisted and curled, and suddenly he felt something give way. Then he felt something drip down his thighs. 

He pulled back from her quite suddenly, and braced his hands against her shoulders. "Lea..." he said in a stiff voice, very much on the verge of panic. "Something... quite impossible has occurred."


	28. New Lovers

It took Lea a second to snap back into reality. “ _What?_ ” she said in Vortian before she remembered Irken words. “Sorry, what?” She cleared her throat. “What happened?”

"I...I think I have been activated," Mik said, looking down to something that seemed to be causing a slight movement behind the robe.

“Activated?” she asked, then it clicked. “Wait, seriously? Activated? You mean you can now..?” She wasn't upset, just surprised and confused, and she calmed herself and looked into his eyes warmly. “Are you sure?” she asked softly.

"I believe so," Mik said, barely above a whisper. "But my limbs seem to be frozen and I cannot check myself," he said, his clawed hands indeed having a tight grip on her shoulders, it was the only thing keeping him from having a panic attack.

“How did it happen?” she asked, then squeezed him to show him it was okay. “Bed,” she answered. “You can rest there - we can if you like.”

"Y-Yes, I think I need to sit down a moment. That would be good," Mik said, letting Lea help his trembling limbs over to the bed where he sat on the edge and they both looked down at the robe to see that, in a very particular spot, there was indeed some movement.

She looked back up. “You… you are. But… how?" Then the video came to her mind. “Do you need to… mate?” She breathed, then sobered up. “I’m sure there would be a number of willing Irkens we could find… Unless…” Did she dare? She loved him, she knew that now. Would she? Could she? ...Yes. “Do you want to mate with _me_ , Mik?” Would he actually want her instead of another Irken? He’d be better off with them, she guessed. But maybe...?

"Mating is not required," Mik stated after a moment. "I was not chosen to breed so there is no need for me to try and find an Irken partner... and I do not find the idea... appealing," he admitted. Then looked over to Lea. "I believe the notion of mating with you is what my body is reacting to, but mating is not required. There is the option of waiting, if I have heard correctly."

At his words, Lea’s heart swelled. Even then, after heavy necking, Mik wasn't going to expect her to. She reached for his hand and entwined her fingers in his. “Mik, I…” she trailed off and took a deep breath. She held his hand against her chest, then raised it to her lips and kissed it. “Mik...” And again she trailed off and shook her head at herself, then looked back up to him. “I don't know what to say. No one’s ever made me feel the way you do.”

"It is accurate to say that no one has made me feel or experience anything like this either," Mik said, paying close attention to how her hand felt against his; and then the softness of her lips felt nice as well. It made his newly emerged member squirm more, but he ignored it as he just wanted to focus on the feeling of Lea's skin touching his.

He really liked her, she realised, and respected her. The knowledge made her want to jump and dance and… “Mik, can I tell you something?” she asked, still holding his hand against her body.

"Of course," Mik stated. "I feel that we have established a relationship where information is freely given, received, and kept under confidence," he said, remembering that she had also kept Lilith's parents a secret from Red even though it put her at risk.

“I do too,” she said and smiled, squeezing his hand as though needing to cling to something. “Then, I must confess that I have feelings for you that aren't purely professional, Mik, and have for a while now.”

"Oh?" Mik asked, surprised by her words and oddly excited, like he was about to hear the results of a long researched project. "W-What kind of feelings are those?"

Well, so far so good, and now she’d started, so she'd better follow through. “They’re more than just friendship too.” She met his eyes. “They're romantic feelings.”

"Y-You see me as a potential mate?" Mik asked, wanting to make sure he had it correctly before jumping to any conclusion.

Ok, he was not upset, that was good, so she nodded. “Yes. Like that.”

"Oh." Mik soaked in that information. He looked down at his lap, then back up to Lea. "My body seems to want to mate with you as well." He paused a moment, gathering his thoughts. "However, I do not feel that I am merely interested in mating. I have experienced heightened enjoyment when with you, even when working on projects on my own in the medbay. I have noticed that I can sense your presence easily and it creates a sense of comfort. This has made me think some very irrational thoughts in that I do not want you to return to Vort, or that, if you do, I would want to go as well and experience your homeworld with you. But I am unsure if either option is possible and I will feel a great loss when you leave." Mik gave Lea a confused and slightly hopeful expression. "Would it be acceptable to act on these impulses I have to be closer to you, knowing that our time together might be limited?"

She closed her eyes and smiled, just enjoying the warmth she felt from his mere words, then she opened them again. “I don't want to go anywhere without you either.” She reached for his other hand and held it, enjoying the feel of his skin. “Anything's possible; but there’s something else you have to know about me. I had other relationships with Vortians…” She paused and looked down. “Or tried to,” she corrected herself. “Neither worked out, so I have never tried again. I didn't _want_ to because I realised I just will never be what someone else wants. And I was happy just focusing on my career without the complications of trying to have a romantic relationship too. I didn't even think about it.” Then she looked up. 

“That is, until a florpus hole dropped you right into my medbay.” She chuckled softly. “At the time I wasn't thinking of a _relationship_ with you, rather I wasn't sure how I’d be able to even stand you. It was nothing personal, you know how I feel about Irkens.” Again she chuckled softly, shaking her head. “But then you just had to be completely different from everyone else on this ship… And on Vort. And now… I feel it would be a waste if we both have those kinds of feelings for each other and don't enjoy them for whatever amount of time we are allowed.”

"I... Yes. I agree. Your conclusion makes the most sense," Mik said, squeezing her hands back. "It would be a waste to not conduct an experiment just because the supplies are limited. It is best to use what we can and be optimal with the time left," he said, and found himself smiling. "And I am glad you have shared your past experiences with me. I do feel a sense of relief knowing that you are more experienced in this area of bonding. I would know how to proceed if you were Irken, but since you are not, if you understand your own body and what you wish from this experience, even if it is temporary, then I feel more confident moving forward." His eyes moved down to her lips. "If you were Irken, according to the vid we should taste each other now. But what would you want to do to proceed? I will follow your Vortian customs as it will give me a chance to compare the differences."

“And that’s what I adore about you, well, _one_ of the things,” she amended. “Ok, so, Vortian dating customs. Well, I already invited you to dinner… in my experience, Vortian men would want it to lead to a mating tonight.” She then gave Mik’s hand a kiss. “But that is not what I require so don't think you have to for my sake,” she wanted to assure him. “So, tell me, have you ever heard of a kiss?”

“Oh, yes, that is what Dib called the mutual tasting.” Mik nodded. “We included that in the vid as touching lips and tongues seemed to be a mutually pleasing practice.” Mik then realized _why_ Lea would have asked that and he felt a little more squirmy at the idea of being able to experience it with her. “I have not had the chance to experience it first hand however,” he said, a bit breathy and a little excited at the idea that he might be able to do so now should she offer.

She smiled, unaware of his wishes or thoughts. “Would you like to?” Even though she was sure she knew what he'd say, she wanted _him_ to know she wasn't going to do anything without his consent.

Mik nodded. “Very much so, if you are also a willing participant of course. Experiments with living specimens need to have a degree of compliance. Oh, not that, um, I believe you are a specimen of course, well… you are in a technical matter. As I am also a specimen. But, um,” he continued to ramble.

She grinned as she listened to him. “Oh, Mik… don't ever change,” she said warmly. Then she leaned forward and paused before his mouth. “I am a willing specimen.” Her eyes fell to his lips, then she closed them and pressed her lips softly to his.

“Oh, good. I am too—“ his words were cut off as Lea pressed their lips together. They were soft and warm and Mik leaned into the touch. It was sending all kinds of good messages to both his brainmeats and his PAK, that this was indeed a good thing. Almost on its own, his hand came up to touch her face. The contact of his own palm against her cheek startled him into moving his lips against hers. And the motions felt very nice indeed.

When he moved his lips, she parted hers and took his bottom lip between her own, wanting to see what he thought of that and she laid her hand over his on her cheek.

At this point in time, Mik thought that the best course of action would be to let his apparently biological impulses take over and guide his actions. He was sure that if he was doing something wrong Lea would inform him. His antennae fell forward to rub themselves against her horns and, following his impulses, he let his tongue slide against her upper lip while his lower one was trapped between hers. Both sensations felt very nice and he could taste her sweet flavor that he liked very much.

Lea moved her hand to his cheek and released his lip when she felt his tongue. She opened her mouth as an invitation and her tongue slipped out, the pointed tip coming to touch his own.

His first instinct was to pull back in surprise, but the strong impulses now in control of his biological functionings urged him to take advantage of this opening and he pushed his tongue forward, slowly invading her mouth. He did so that, if it was truly unwanted, the tongue invasion could be stopped, but having met no resistance, Mik leaned a little more into Lea as his tongue sought to entangle with hers.

Lea did not pull back, in fact she moved closer to him and entwined her tongue with his. Sweeter than honey, she decided. Furthermore, she decided he was her new favourite flavour. She also liked the way his antennae felt against her hornlike antennae. She couldn't taste or smell with them because of the protective plates, but she could feel the slight vibrations his touch caused and she liked it.

The taste of her mouth and the feeling of her tongue sliding along his was causing his body to receive a large amount of stimulation. That made his extended member wiggle more under the robe. His conclusion of letting his impulses take control seemed to be working, so Mik followed through again and wrapped his arms around her wanting to feel her warmth against him in as many ways as possible and pulled her close to press their chests together.

She moved willingly as he pulled her closer and straddled him so she could reach; she wrapped her arms around his neck. With her own body now against his, she could feel his organ wiggling through his robe. The movements were not familiar to her as her previous two sexual partners hadn't seemed to wiggle like that and she knew from the videos, these Irkens didn't. She found herself curious as to what it might feel like inside her.

“I feel a great desire to touch more of your skin, and to be clothed less myself,” Mik said, a bit distracted sounding as he was trying to speak and focus on all the good sensations at once.

Lea looked at him and nodded. “I have a desire to as well. Should we just go with our urges?” she asked, and reached for the hem of her robe and raised it a little.

“Yes... that seems like the best course of action,” Mik said, watching the rising hem of her robe.

She nodded and began undoing the closures. As she wore nothing underneath, there was plenty of lavender skin for him to see and she opened it all the way, then shrugged it off. She was not a shy woman, but she was aware of her nudity and hoped he liked what he saw.

Mik openly watched her and reached out to touch, but hesitated at the last moment. “This is a unique color. I find it rather appealing. May I touch you?”

“Thank you, I’m glad,” she said sincerely, then nodded. “You may. Go ahead and touch me wherever you like.” She reached for his collar. “Did you want out too?”

“Ah, yes, that would be most welcome,” Mik said, letting Lea undo his buttons as he gingerly touched her newly exposed skin. He gently ran his fingers over her ribs, counting them, then down her sides to the joint of her legs. Then over and down her thighs to her knees. “Your skin is very soft, and pleasing to touch,” he told her.

“It’s pleasing to have you touch me,” she said, surprised at herself, as she undid Mik’s robe and eased it from his shoulders. She had to move a little to open the lower half, then watched as she opened it, freeing his wriggling male organ. She raised her head, remembering something. “That’s a strange difference. How come you aren't purple?”

Mik paused with his hands on her hips to look down at his own organ for the first time. It was very wiggly and a soft pink. “The color comes from the natural pigment already existing in my body. The same pigment that dictates the color of my eyes,” he explained, looking down at it. “I never thought to see a male organ, my male organ, attached to my front. Oh,” he said, remembering something else. “I am also only recessive male. I have no female organs.”

“So another male couldn't mate with you?” she asked. He was so different from the Irkens in the porn vid. She didn't think she minded. It just showed how unique he was. 

"It would depend, I suppose, if the other male was duel-gendered or not. There have been dominant male bonded mates where neither one have female organs and they still mate, but cannot make smeets. I believe they do a lot of external stimulation, but they did not go into detail."

“Oh, that’s interesting. Sometimes Vortian men marry other Vortian men. Also women and women,” she explained, her gaze returned to his organ. “Are you controlling it?” The movements didn't appear controlled, instead they seemed erratic.

Mik looked down. "I have very little control of my member's movements, though I also do not feel any need to stop it as the wiggling is creating a slight friction that feels good."

“A friction that feels good, you say?” She looked up to him, a grin on her face. “Would you mind if I create a little more friction with my hand?” She held it up. “May I touch?” she clarified.

"Oh, yes, that is something that can be a part of mating. And I think that would feel good." Mik nodded his approval.

Consent acquired, Lea lowered her gaze back to his male organ, then she reached out and placed her hand under it, palm up, not grabbing, just letting it wriggle against the warmth of her hand, as she was curious how it would react. It immediately wiggled against her palm, the tip trying to curl around around her wrist. 

The sensation was very _very_ good, and Mik found the oddest of sounds escaping from him as his PAK stopped attempting to filter anything, and all he could focus on was the feeling of his wiggling member against Lea's smooth and warm palm.

Lea observed and raised her hand, then closed her fingers around it. It was slick, already lubricated, and the wiggling of it against her hand felt interesting. She was certainly curious. Would it move that much inside her too? She caressed the base, watching and listening to see if he liked it.

"O--h," Mik gasped as he felt her wrap her hand around him. "L-Lea that feels very very stimulating," he said, and looked down to watch her touch him. His eyes then drifted over to between her legs. "S-Should I touch you as well? May I?"

She looked down at her slit, then up to him again and nodded. “You may.” She remembered the sex education vid he’d made, but said nothing, content to let him explore and make observations and come to his own conclusions. “It would be easiest perhaps if I laid down, for you could see better.”

"Yes, if that would be comfortable for you," Mik said, and while he didn't want her to stop touching him, he also did not want to miss the opportunity to be able to explore her foreign body as well.

Drawing her hand slowly along his length to the tip where she released it, she moved off of him and crawled on the bed to the pillow and laid down on her back. “If you kneel beside me, I can touch you some more too.” Then she relaxed and spread her legs.

Mik liked that plan and did as she suggested, sitting beside her on his heels. Tentatively, he rubbed a knuckle along her slit, not wanting to accidentally hurt her with his sharply tipped claws. It was wet and slick and when he experimentally pulled his knuckle back, he saw a thin trail of that substance followed. "Are you feeling stimulated as well?" he asked.

She forced herself to not give a start at the contact - it was the first time someone else had touched her in years, after all. She nodded. “My body is fully functional,” she answered. “And it has reacted to the pheromones you give off, which is quite interesting, for I did not know Irken pheromones could do that to a Vortian.” Then, true to her word, she took hold of his organ and resumed her stroking.

"And I was unaware that I could react at all," Mik commented, then she began stroking him again. "Oh... yes, that is a very good sensation," he breathed and, knowing that it was the proper thing to do, he began rubbing his knuckle along her slit and slipping it just inside to stimulate the inside entrance in slow circular motions. "I-Is this sensation... pleasing?" he asked slowly, as it was hard to function properly with her hand stroking him.

“Y-yes, it… is,” she said, and released a shuddery breath. Stroking him was tricky with all the wiggling his organ did, but she found that she could entice it to squirm where she wanted it to by not closing her hand fully so it had room, and instead acting as a guide for it.

Mik continued to rub adding another knuckle and moving the two together to create more friction and stimulation. That earned him a small moan from Lea. "L-Lea, I would like to kiss you again," he said, feeling like he wanted to taste her at the same time as all the other stimulation.

As his words registered she looked up at him. He would? Yes, she thought she’d really like that too. “Then come here and kiss me, Mik,” she told him, her tone breathy and husky.

Mik readily complied, continuing the actions that seemed to give her the most stimulation as he slipped his tongue between her lips, eager to have that taste again. She accepted his tongue willingly and curled hers around it. Yes, she liked his taste and the touches. His continued checking in with her made her feel comfortably at ease with him. She even entertained the thought of having sex with him.

His antennae fell forward once again to brush against her horns and, with her forefinger and thumb, Lea closed them around the pointed tip of his member again, attempting to trap it, though not hurt it, of course. She just wanted to feel it, as Vortians’ penes were thicker and had two tips of different lengths.

The touching of his tip had all of his other senses and motions pausing, as Mik moaned into Lea's mouth. This was perhaps the strongest stimulation he had received yet. Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against her chest and tilted his head to look at her with glazed eyes. "That... is thoroughly stimulating. I feel that I will reach my peak of stimulation and release genetic fluid if you continue."

“Oh, right here?” she asked, her tone turning playful as she teased it between her fingers. “Then… do you want me to continue?”

Mik made a slight moan at the touch. "Yes... there. A-And if you continue, I will be unable to mate if you would wish to,” he said, more than willing to have her continue, but he knew that after release his member would probably want to retreat back into his body. "I don't have any PAK extensions with me to offer you a mutual release afterwards..." he said, but remembered something. "Though I may be able to through using my tongue." He knew it was only proper to have both parties experience peak stimulation.

“Your tongue, you say?” She had never had that and found herself curious to try it. “Then if you don't mind, I would like to try that, see what your tongue feels like. Neither of my previous relationships offered,” she explained.

"I would offer to use my hands for deeper stimulation, but without my gloves, the tips are rather sharp and I do not wish to harm you. And my tongue is also longer and more dexterous, so it should give more stimulation anyway," Mik said, explaining why he offered. "Speaking will be impossible, so I would like for you to instruct me as I proceed so I can give you better stimulation," he said, moving between her legs.

“Yes, you should keep your claws out as the flesh inside is delicate,” she explained. “Although your claws may not be as bad as the Irkens here. So do you want to pleasure me first?”

"I would," Mik nodded. Looking down, he realized that to properly enter her with his tongue he would need to lift her hips and it could potentially be a strenuous position. "Lea, if you would lift your hips, I would be able to support your legs on my shoulders, but the angle may be uncomfortable for your back. Would you be uncomfortable if I used my PAK legs to support you as well?"

“Well, that’ll surely be a new one, but go ahead. If I decide I don't like the PAK legs, I’ll tell you and you’ll stop,” she said, and it wasn't a question because she _knew_ Mik would. She _felt_ it. Or else he wouldn't have been asking her in the first place. Besides, maybe it would be fun. Would it be like being restrained like in the book, ’50 Shades of Green’, that was such a hit with Irkens?

"Oh, yes, of course. Distress is not something I wish to make you feel," Mik said, and hooked his arms under her thighs, lifting her up. Despite being so small, it was easy to hold her. He wouldn't need the PAK legs to keep her up, but he was concerned about her comfort. 

"One moment." Mik lifted her hips higher than they needed to be, bringing more of her body off the bed. Two PAK legs and a PAK tendril extended from his PAK. The PAK legs created two slanted bars under her and the tendril grabbed a large pillow to place on top of the PAK legs, making a makeshift slanted cot for her body to rest on. Once the pillow was in place, the tendril retreated. "I thought resting on a pillow would be more comfortable and less cold," Mik explained as he let her shift and get comfortable. "Is this acceptable?" he asked.

If she’d had any doubts as to whether Mik was the right one to do this with or not, he had just washed them all away. “Yes, this is… very good,” she said as she adjusted herself a little, settling against them. More than just very good. Her enjoyment was _important_ to him and that increased her desire to pursue and enjoy a relationship for whatever time she could have with him.

"Ok." Mik nodded. "Instruct me as you need," he said and lowered his head and slowly stuck out his tongue, very gently running it along her slit, both to make sure she was finding the sensation enjoyable and to test the flavor. Her scent was thick and sweet and so was her flavor. He liked it very much.

“Oh!” she gasped at the sensation: Warm, hot even against her, and smooth, and wet, which made it slidy. Yes, she liked this a lot and closed her eyes. “That feels good, Mik,” she told him. “That feels so good.”

Encouraged by her response, Mik moved his tongue around a little more and wiggled the tip just inside and around her entrance, then slipped it a little farther in, keeping his antennae alert for sounds of encouragement or discomfort.

She inhaled sharply as he slipped inside, and arched towards him. Yes, she liked his tongue a lot. “That feels good,” she said, remembering he’d asked her to guide him. “You can go in farther.”

Unable to say anything, Mik just did as instructed and wiggled his tongue in farther, feeling along her insides as he went. He took note of the places that made her catch her breath more and tried to repeat the movements she seemed to find more stimulating. He wished that he would be able to speak and see her face better, but if she enjoyed this sensation, maybe he could create a PAK extension that would replicate his tongue movements. That was, of course, if Lea agreed. If not, he would gladly do this again as her scent, sounds, taste, and texture were all very appealing.

She was not a specifically vocal type, but he had her panting for breath and she squirmed with her hips which increased the stimulation. “Oh, Mik, yes,” she said to assure him.

He pushed in as far as he could go and found that his tongue was pressing up against an inner barrier of muscles. In his surprise at the discovery, he made a humming noise against Lea's outer entrance where his lips were pressed. Inside, the tip of his tongue touched and explored around the area. In his mind, he compared it to the inner ring of muscles in the female organ of Irkens.

“Oh!” Lea gasped. The humming and his tongue teasing at her barrier was intense. “Yes, Mik..! Th-that was really good.”

Since she gave approval, Mik made another humming sound, trying different lengths and pitches to create a variance in vibration. And since he was very curious about her deeper section, he curled the tip of his tongue against the barrier, circling around the edges and working his way inward, noticing that there seemed to be a dip in the middle and gently poking at it with the tip of his tongue.

“Mik!” she gasped. “That-that’s really good!” Her body flexed around his tongue, while her barrier shifted, though not opening just yet. She could tell it wouldn't be long if he kept that up, though.

Mik hummed back and he could sense that her peak might be coming due to her inner walls moving and squeezing his tongue. He took that as a biological response that her body wanted him farther in, so he pressed himself a little more into her and swirled and curled the tip of his tongue around the soft central part of her barrier. If she acted the same as female Irkens, upon reaching her peak the barrier would give way and he would be able to push his tongue in farther to give her the last stimulus she would need to reach peak stimulation.

And just as he predicted, that is exactly what happened; first, she gasped again, her walls quivering, then second, and with another moan, she felt it give way. Opening to allow him access to its deepest part. Mik hummed at the frequency he found she enjoyed and pushed his tongue forward to make sure his partner received the most pleasure she could. As inner muscles spasmed around his tongue and the inner ring squeezed down on his tip he made sure to keep moving, wiggling it to further to help her reach peak stimulation.

“Oh, Mik!” she cried out in pleasure and threw her head back as her orgasm took her.

Mik kept the movement going as he felt her reach her peak. It wasn't like he could move anyway, as the inner ring of her muscles tightly grasped the tip of his tongue and wouldn't let go until she relaxed once more. Not that he minded. He felt quite accomplished that he had successfully brought his partner, his first partner, to her peak. Also, the sounds she had made while doing so were very pleasing to his antennae and caused his male member to wiggle more.

Her inner part squeezed Mik’s tongue, clearly trying to milk it for his mating fluid until it eased up after a few such convulsions and Lea collapsed back against the ‘cot’, panting for breath and feeling incredibly good while her part finally relaxed and released Mik’s tongue. “Oh, Mik,” she murmured. “That was incredible.”

Slowly, Mik withdrew his tongue and eased her hips back down as his PAK legs lowered and retreated, leaving her lying on the pillow. “I am relieved that I was able to stimulate you fully,” he said, then feeling it might be impolite to lick his face clean, used his discarded robe. “I enjoyed that experience as well. It was something I would not have been able to do with anyone else.”

“You were very capable,” she said, her voice content and warm. After a moment, she sat up and scooted towards him. “I would like to return the favour, but… I'm not sure if it’s a good idea with my teeth and how you wiggle.” She bared them to show her sharp, pointed teeth. “But my hand is available again.”

“Yes, I would rather not risk my male organ against sharp teeth,” Mik agreed. “And, if you continue the same movements as last time, I think I will be able to reach my peak soon.” Mik looked at the pillows. “Should I lean against the pillows?”

“That’s what I thought. I wouldn't want to risk you cutting it on them.” She would hate herself if she caused him pain he didn't like. At his question, she shrugged. “You should do whatever makes you comfortable. Remember, you don't need to do anything but enjoy it.”

“Of course,” Mik said, and decided to lean up against the pillows, but not all the way back as she had done. “I would request that we continue kissing or that you touch my antennae or allow me to touch you with my antennae as the dual sensations are very pleasant,” he explained, and he knew that, if she was not willing, she would say so.

She smiled. “Can do,” she said warmly, and moved partially over him so she could kiss him. She swivelled her ‘horns’ forward to make it easier for his antennae to reach them. With her hand, she touched his thigh and slowly drew it up in a caress to his abdomen, then down to his wiggling male organ, which she took hold of, giving it a stroke. 

“Oh!” Mik said, watching her ‘horns’ move and feeling pleasant sensations from her gentle touches on his thigh and abdomen. “They are more flexible than I thought,” he said, reaching out to touch them. “May—M-May I?” He stumbled in asking as, at that moment, her hand had found its way to his member and the sensation was very distracting to his brain.

“Go ahead,” she purred. “Satisfy your curiosity.” She knew her ‘horns’ were different and thus interesting, to someone who had never had the opportunity before. Besides, she’d enjoy the touch. She turned her focus to his hand and caressed again, then slowly drew it to the tip as he’d expressed his enjoyment with. She captured it carefully between her thumb and forefinger and teased, though only lightly, just enough to give him a treat, in the hopes it wouldn't be too distracting for him while he explored her horns.

Mik rested his hand against her horns, touching them and running his fingers over the layered plates. “Oh... that, that feels very good, Lea,” he said, stilling his hand movements as she took the tip of his member between her fingers. He could feel it trying to rub against her fingers for greater friction. He continued running his hand down her horns, wanting to see if there was any sensory difference between the base and the tips. As he did so, his antennae fell forward to brush against her cheek and forehead.

She closed her eyes, enjoying both the sensations of his hands on her horns, and the touch of his antennae, so soft like a feathery kiss. At his reaction to her touch, she was pleased to find it worked again, and continued teasing it. Then she got an idea and drew back. “Mik, do you trust me? Because I think I found a way I can pleasure you the way you did me without risking causing you pain.”

“Of course I trust you, Lea, otherwise I would be in a very dangerous situation so exposed to you,” Mik said. “And I am willing to try anything you would like to.”

She smiled and gave him a kiss. “Thanks.” Then she scooted back and bent down. Holding his male organ with her hand, she brushed her lips against it, letting it wriggle against them; then she parted them, but kept her teeth closed so there were no exposed sharp edges. She looked up at him, watching to see his reaction.

The brief touch of lips was also very pleasant and instilled a warm feeling all over his face. Mik couldn’t help as his eyes slipped closed at the _extremely_ pleasing sensation of her soft lips against his tip. Sounds escaped him as his brain (both PAK and organic, but really the PAK wasn’t helping much at this point with the filter too overwhelmed) couldn’t seem to find actual words to say.

Pleased with his reaction, she took hold of his member to control its wiggling, leaving only the tip free to wiggle as it pleased, and, licking her lips to wet them, she closed her lips over the tip, using pressure to squeeze it. With her hand, she caressed the shaft to offer more stimulation. She wondered if she could maybe coil her tongue around it to protect it from her teeth, but wasn't sure enough about its wiggling, so she continued as she was doing. She even ‘nibbled’ at it with her lips to give the tip extra stimulation.

“O—-....h, L—“ Mik felt like his brain was malfunctioning as the intensity of the feeling of her lips and hand took away all other processing abilities he had beyond sensory. And it wasn’t just the sensations, the knowledge of _who_ was responsible for giving him such feelings was incredible. Lea was a brilliant medic and scientist and she treated him with great respect. She even went as far to set aside her well-founded and justified dislike of his species to treat him as such. And she confessed to _enjoying_ his company so, that she sought him out purposefully and for non-professional reasons. It made him feel full, like an overflowing beaker and that feeling of overflow was soon reaching a peak. “I... ah.....L-Lea!” Since his thoughts were entirely focused on her, his mind was able to recall how to say her name as his body reached peak stimulation.

Since her experiment seemed to indeed be garnering the desired results, she continued. Remembering what he’d done with her, she began to hum as well, letting her lips vibrate softly against it. The humming vibrations and the feeling of her lips, sent Mik to and over the edge and his member released. (He would later apologize for not warning her, as his orgasm was much messier than hers.)

As there wasn't much space for it to go, and, as his tip wiggled, some trickled down her lips and chin and she fought against the instinct to open her mouth and lick (or spit) lest he come into contact with her teeth anyway. Instead, she kept her lips on it so he could have as much continued stimulation as he needed or wanted. He would indicate when he was done, she figured.

Throughout the release, Mik’s mind was a complete blank. Later he would look back on that experience in wonder as he had never ever had a moment when his mind wasn’t thinking about something. But in the moment, all he could feel was the sensation of release and the relaxed stage it was putting him in. Once his body finished, his member stilled and became somewhat limp in her hand. 

“Oh...” Mik breathed, opening his eyes. “I can see why bonded pairs like to repeat the experience even after having smeets,” he stated, then looked to Lea. “I have an impulse to hold you and to feel your body heat next to me. Though I do not think I am capable of mating anymore for this evening,” he said.

Lea released his member and sat up. She wiped her chin with her finger, and her lips with her tongue. He tasted incredibly sweet, like highly concentrated syrup. With a drop saved in her hand, she crawled next to him and cuddled to him, then held her hand up so he could inspect his genetic material. “We can mate again another time. My own body has closed, so I couldn't either.”

Mik touched his own genetic material and inspected it between his fingers. “I never thought this was possible,” he said, a bit amazed and, looking over to Lea, he held her a little closer. Without clothes, the air seemed cool, but her body temperature was keeping any uncomfortable sensations away, so he saw no need to dress himself yet. As she settled herself next to him, he shivered as the over sensitive organ withdrew back into his body and his newly revealed slit sealed itself as well. 

“Ah!” He suddenly exclaimed in great disappointment. “I missed the opportunity to scan a male member of my Irk’s universe up close,” he sighed and settled back down with a frown. “I hope my PAK regains normal processing soon, to miss such an opportunity,” he sighed. “Though...” he looked over to Lea. “It was a very memorable experience. Thank you.”

Lea brushed her lips over his for a moment, then laid her head against his shoulder. She tilted her head to kiss his shoulder and inhale his scent. “Well, it’s not going anywhere, is it?” she half-chided, but there was no snark or sass meant. “You can do it another time. In fact, I think you’ll have plenty of opportunities. If you want, we can even specifically coax it out for that purpose.” She loved his curiosity and would happily help him learn about himself and Irken sexuality any way she could. To the last part, she smiled up at him. “It was for me too. I’ve never had anyone lick me before. Now I know why it’s so popular with Vortian women.”

“Oh, yes, if you are willing,” Mik said, accepting her offer. “And I would gladly stimulate you in that way again if you enjoyed it.”

“Yes, I’m willing. And I would like that,” she affirmed. “Oh, Mik,” she sighed happily. “Say, would you like to stay the night here with me?” She didn't know if he had intended or wished to go back to his own quarters.

“Oh! Yes, if you are offering, I would like to,” Mik said. “I confess that having to dress and return to my rooms is rather unappealing.”

“That’s how I feel too,” she said. “I… I feel a need to spend time with you afterwards, instead of having to let you go.” She cuddled up tighter to him and draped one of her legs over his.

“Me as well,” Mik said, rubbing his cheek against her head as he settled in next to her. “I am enjoying this feeling of closeness.”

“Me too,” she said. “Then consider yourself at home here; that is, when you're hungry or if you need anything else, please say so or go ahead and do it.” Then she reached for the covers and pulled them up over herself and Mik.

“Thank you, that is generous of you to share your space with me,” Mik said, feeling his PAK begin to shut down for a rest cycle. “If you need my assistance in anything, please let me know as well,” he mumbled before drifting off.

  
Lea nodded as she snuggled close to her… _new lover,_ and fell asleep as well, his scent filling her nose.


	29. Drug Testing

Lea awakened the next morning to find that not only was she not alone, but she was looking up into two pink and very _Irken_ eyes. At first she was alarmed and gave a start, then she realised it was Mik and remembered the night before, so she relaxed again and smiled up at him. “Good morning, Mik,” she said warmly, then yawned and wiped her eyes. “Sleep well?”

“Yes, it was a restful hour,” Mik said, looking refreshed. “I have been observing your vitals as you slept.” He had a small smile, usually hidden by his large collar, on his lips. “When in your deepest phase of sleep you make soft inconsistent noises that were interesting to listen to.”

“Watched me sleep, did you?” she murmured warmly, then her eyes widened and a smirk came over her features. “And you dare tell me I _snore_ too?” She clicked her tongue.

Mik blinked a moment as his PAK translated the word. “Yes, I believe so,” he nodded. “I recorded it, would you like to hear? I imagine it is quite impossible to hear it for yourself otherwise.”

She blinked up at him, then couldn't help it and giggled as she sat up. She wiped her eyes again, then looked at him. Yep. She loved him. The wonderful, funny scientist. “Well, normally I’d say I’ll pass, but since it’s _you_ who’s asking, alrighty… I don't care about such things like dignity until after I’ve had coffee anyway.”

Mik smiled as he pulled his reader from his PAK and played her the recording he took. It started with his voice at a soft whisper stating the time and day in this Irk’s calendar and explaining that he was recording Lea’s breathing patterns. Then there was silence as Lea’s snores could be heard clearly. After a while there was a soft “ _Lovely,_ ” that was picked up. And Mik hastily put the recording away. “I know, in observing, there is not supposed to be any bias reactions,” he mumbled, not having realized that his softly spoken word had been recorded as well.

“Well, whaddya know, I do snore,” she chuckled. “And after careful scientific evaluation, the conclusion is that it’s lovely. I can accept that.” Her eyes twinkled as she looked at him in adoration, then slipped her arm around him and rubbed her cheek against his. “Anyway, I’m glad you slept well. I did too.” She drew back, yawned once again and stretched. “So… hungry? How about we get up and have breakfast?”

“Breakfast would be much welcome,” Mik said, nodding. “But I do not think you could count my observation as scientific, as I believe my judgement is not impartial. I find everything about you to be appealing and lovely. It would be better to conclude that it is my personal opinion,” he said, wanting to make sure she understood him and not wanting to give her false information.

“Oooh, nice save,” she complimented him. “Appealing _and_ lovely? Why you're just as smooth as Vortian cream this morning.” She leaned in and gave him a tender kiss on the lips.

“Am I?” Mik asked, touching his lips after the light kiss. “You are smooth and soft as well,” he decided. 

“Why thank you,” she murmured warmly at the compliment. 

“Since we are no longer sharing body heat, shall we dress before eating? I would prefer to have my uniform if we are going to the medbay soon.”

“Yes, that’s a good plan.” She scooted off the bed. “Do you wish to clean up first? We were a little messy last night.”

“Yes, that would be welcome,” Mik said and climbed off the bed as well. He followed her into her cleansing chambers where they made sure both of them were sufficiently clean. Lea then went back to the bed chamber and ordered fresh uniforms for them as well.

“You’ll get yours back, I just thought we should clean it. Hopefully the computer replicated yours to your satisfaction.” It even had his insignia.

“Yes! This matches perfectly,” Mik said as he dressed, his PAK momentarily popping off so he could don his uniform, but he folded down the collar so he could eat with Lea without it getting in the way since they were going to have a meal and not just a snack.

“Ooh, nice trick,” she said as he pulled his collar down. She dressed in her usual blue one with black pants, and her Vortian insignia, put the old ones into the cleaning chute, and led him to the dining chamber. The meal they had forgotten the night before had been cleared away, so she went to the panel to order new. “What would you like for breakfast? A coffee is a must for me, what about you?”

“Irken soda, and anything with high sugars and carbohydrates,” Mik replied. “If there are any Vortian foods that fit those two things I would like to try them, otherwise a plate of donuts would suffice.”

“Can do,” she said, and made her selections. As soon as they were ready, she removed the tray from the shelf and brought it over. A Vortian breakfast, and both had the same dish. She set the tray on the table and sat down. “You liked that fruit I showed you, Drop Fruit, and it should cover your sugar needs sufficiently. For extra carbs, this is --” she said the Vortian name. “-- and it should do, but I can still provide you with donuts if that doesn't meet your requirements well enough.”

“This should be sufficient,” Mik said, taking the fruit. “It has a unique flavor and scent and—Oh!” hee said suddenly. “It reminds me of how you taste,” he said, taking a bite and comparing it with his memory. “Yes, the sweetness is very similar. I find both your mating fluids and this fruit to have comparable taste. I like this,” he said, taking another bite.

She blinked as she regarded the fruit on her plate. Then she shrugged and ate a piece. “I taste that good, hmm?” Then she finally had that much-needed and wonderful first sip of coffee. Then she frowned at the cup. “You know, I used to say the first sip of coffee is as good as an _orgasmus,”_ she said thoughtfully and swished the coffee around in her cup. “But after last night, I’ve decided coffee doesn't compare.” She took another sip. “Nope. I mean, don't get me wrong, it’s excellent, just falls short of the comparison.”

“Isn’t coffee bitter?” Mik asked, having heard such and staying away from the stuff. “And, yes, you do taste good.” Mik innocently licked the fruit’s juice from off his lips. Lea couldn't help notice it and, were she at all the easily embarrassed type, she’d have blushed. Instead, she just watched, happy to find he had enjoyed her flavour so much. As to his question, she held it out to him. 

“Take a sniff. The taste is similar. The Irkens in this universe who drink it - and Vortian coffee is considered by many species to be the best coffee in the universe too - tend to put a lot of sugar in it.”

Mik took the offered cup and tried a small sip. “It is of a more enjoyable flavor than I imagined,” he said. “And I would probably add more sugar myself.” He nodded, then handed back the cup. “I will try a cup with you another time should you offer, I will finish my soda for this morning.”

“Certainly, and if you end up not liking it, that’s okay.” She took a sip. “Mik, in my quarters, you’re not a medical drone restricted to Irken rations - and neither am I - so you may have anything you please. It is Vortian hospitality to be generous with making sure guests’ needs are met.” Then her expression warmed. “Especially when they’re a close friend or… lover. And you're both to me."

“I-oh! Yes.” Mik smiled. “I view you also as a bonding partner. And...” He paused as he thought. “After we eat, could you do me a favor and look in my PAK? I am curious to see if my switch was activated somehow.”

Lea smiled. “A bonding partner,” she repeated. “I do like the sound of that.” Then she nodded at his question. “Of course. Now I am glad you showed me what to look for.”

“Me as well.” Mik nodded and finished his breakfast with Lea before he turned and opened the port for her to look inside.

Lea wiped her mouth and fingers, then got up and walked up behind him. “I have to reach in because there are wires in the way and I don't have the keen eye for it you do. I promise I’ll be careful.” She very carefully pushed them aside until she could see the area he’d shown. As her eye wasn't trained for it like his, she used her fingertips to feel and, indeed, there it was: A notable indent. She slowly withdrew her hand. “Yes, it seems to be activated, as the switch you showed is pressed in like Red’s.” She stepped away and came around to his front. “How could that have happened?”

Mik hummed in interest. “I am unsure myself,” he said, though he wasn’t distressed. It made more sense that he was activated. “When I have time, I may do some PAK scans to see if I can pinpoint what occurred.” He closed his PAK back up. “But it means that I will be a fully functioning mate and I will be able to bond.” 

“You’ll have to tell me about Irken bonding sometime,” she said, having caught that it was meant as something other than _just_ sex. 

“Yes, I can tell you more later, as I would want to bond with no other than you,” he said matter of factly. “Should we head to the medbay?”

She reached out and touched his cheek. “One moment,” she said softly, then leaned in to give him a kiss. “It’s… what Vortian couples do before leaving.” Lea kissed him once more. “And that’s just because I wanted to before you’re covered up.” She touched his folded collar to show what she meant, then she drew back and straightened her clothing into place, then squared her shoulders. “So, the doctor is all ready,” she said and winked.

Mik accepted both kisses, liking each one then folded up his collar and smiled slightly to himself. “I like that Vortian custom,” he said.

“Then you’ll love the one for when they get home,” she said with a wink. 

Mik nodded, looking forward to learning more, and smiled under his collar. Smoothing his unfirm into place, he thought about what they had to do next. “Today, we should see if we can replicate the drink used during Wor Hol and ask Tallest Red about setting up a time to observe the effects.”

Then there he was, dressed up properly, lower half of his face again hidden, Mik the medic. Lea didn't mind though. On him, it looked good and that was how she’d met him anyway. It made the little peeks of his face more exclusive and exciting when they did happen. But now it was time for business. “Yes, I think that can be managed. Each Champion got different doses, so we’ll have to consider that if we do test subjects. Red will need a higher dose than Stink before he feels the effects. Someone your size would need even less.” Then she tapped her chin. “Well, that is if your metabolism is the same, of course.” As she spoke, she walked with him to the medbay. Once there, the doors recognised them both.

“ _Good morning, Head Medical Drones, Dr. Lea-Nard and Mik,_ ” the computer announced, showing it had indeed filed her promotion of Mik to her own rank. That meant only Red himself could demote him.

Upon entering the medbay, Mik checked on his analysis data. Everything was in order for them to start observing the effects. “Do you think we should use the same dose as they were given or low doses?” Mik asked Lea.

“Well, I suppose we should ask Red, since he wanted to be a test subject, but my professional opinion would be to use a lower dose.” She frowned as she looked around the room. “And we’d better have emergency sedatives, as Irkens are strong and I don't want him to bloody trash my medbay if he gets out of hand.”

“Yes, that might be best. We can always increase the dose if we see no results,” Mik agreed. “I’ll send him a message that we are ready to start a trial,” he said, going over to the computer.

She nodded. “You do that.” Then she turned to the lowly medics who had been staring at them since they came in. “Don't you have jobs you're supposed to be doing?” she demanded irritably. “Get to work!”

They turned and resumed whatever they were doing and she ignored the murmurs of: 

_“Did they just come in together?” - “And they left together last night too.” - “Now that you mention it, I didn't see Head Medic Mik at all last night.” - “I heard Tallest Red was furious at them yesterday because Mik left him for her. Cussed them out in her office.”_

As said, she ignored their whipered gossiping and went to her office to gather the supplies she kept in her pockets at all times, including her personal medical PAD, then returned to Mik. She didn’t even bother looking at the others.

“I sent the message so he should be contacting us soon. I do have records on the type of juice they used and I will put the drug in there and keep it in your office as no one is able to enter and it will be safe,” Mik said, then turned to the computer to calculate the amount of drug they would need for Red’s height.

“Excellent,” she said. “And I shall prepare the sedatives,” she decided and took out her PAD to research, yet again, the dosages she’d need for various Irken body types, then calculated they’d have to be much higher with the drug’s presence. The point, however, was to incapacitate them, not kill them, so she’d have to be careful. What complicated things was that she’d seen Irkens on the drug and heard retellings of colleagues who’d experienced it first hand. She’d probably only get one shot to administer it in such a case.

Mik knew what they were doing was dangerous, so he was also going to ask Tallest Red about security measures for both himself and Lea. He knew he was not in favor with the Tallest and, in an altered state, who was to say what would happen. As a further security measure, they sent all unnecessary staff to the other medbays to work.

******

Having received Mik’s message, Red left Purple and Lilith sleeping and got straight on his way. On the way there, he ordered Stink to show up as well and the two arrived at the same time, though Stink respectfully let Red enter first.

The ruler went right up to Mik and Lea. “So, how’s it look?”

“We have all the data necessary for analysis, all we need now is to test the effects the drug has on Irkens’ biochemistry and brainwaves,” Mik said. “Lea and I think it best if we start with low doses and see what effects there are. For the safety of both ourselves and you and Stink, we are preparing sedatives. I would also ask that extra security be in put in place as well, considering the drug could alter the mind’s ability to think rationally,” he said; in a delicate way asking that Tallest Red not go on a rampage and kill them accidentally.

Red nodded in agreement. “Then can we begin?” he asked, as Lea joined Mik’s side.

“Yes,” Mik nodded. “I’ll make the first doses while you and Stink set up the security measures.”

“Do that,” Red ordered, then went over to a wall panel and tapped in some commands. A moment later, two of the exam tables were converted into chairs. “Computer, promote Medical Drone Mik to Head Medical Drone alongside Lea-Nard.”

” _Head Medical Drone Mik’s status is already active, my Tallest, per Head Medical Drone, Dr. Lea-Nard’s orders_ ”

“Oh,” Red looked at Lea and Mik, then turned back to the ceiling. “Good. Then transfer all authority and command of this medbay and its security to the head medical drones. Once this experiment starts, I am to be considered no longer capable of being active Tallest and Ascending Tallest Purple is authorised to act as active Tallest in my place. Furthermore, this medbay shall be put into a state of lockdown with the explicit order of keeping me inside. - Activate Medical Security Protocol 404.”

” _Yes, my Tallest._ ” With that, a tendril extended from the ceiling and connected to Red’s PAK. There was an audible click and Red winced slightly. A couple moments later, it retreated into the ceiling. ” _New status: Ascending Tallest Purple, now acting as full Tallest. - Medical Security Protocol 404 status: Active._ ”

Then Red turned to Lea. “Presuming neither of you are familiar with the protocol, it means I have just put myself under medical quarantine and it will require both your commands to end the security measures as well as reinstate my authority after declaring me medically fit for active Tallest duty again. The computer will also ensure your safety.” He glanced off to the side for a second, then back. “It will use deadly force to control me if needed.”

“Oh.” Mik felt so very touched. “You are willing to do so much for our safety!” He almost felt like crying; it was truly a great honor and his PAK confirmed this. Being valued by the Tallest was the most any Irken could ever hope for. “I will do my utmost to ensure that this goes well and there is no need for the computer to use deadly force against you!”

Red nodded to Mik. “I’m counting on you.”

Lea, on the other hand, kept control of her emotions as it wasn't such a profound thing to her, rather a necessary safety protocol, but she was glad Red had the decency to do it. “Good,” she said, though there was no snark or sass in it.

“Computer, place Invader Stink in medical quarantine,” Red said.

“ _Unable to comply,”_ it answered. “ _Tallest Red, your authority has been suspended.”_

Red nodded. He concentrated for a moment, even flexing his jaw, then relaxed. “My PAK’s been locked too, or else I could just cut my way out of here.”

“Computer, place Stink in quarantine as Red said,” Lea commanded.

_”One moment, Head Medica Drone Lea-Nard.”_ A tendril extended and connected to Stink’s PAK, then retreated.

“Um… m-my PAK’s locked?” Stink asked, looking slightly constipated as he, too, attempted to use his PAK.

“Can't have you impaling us with your PAK legs,” Lea said. “And you’ll be on the drug as well.”

Stink nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. If that’s what I was on during my Maa Fi, then I understand why I was one of the top five Champions.”

Hearing that the mild-tempered Stink was even affected by the drug, Mik was even more eager to see what effects there would be. “Okay, with your PAKs locked, I would like both of you to sit in the chairs. For safety, we will strap you both in so there is less of a chance to harm yourselves, each other, or us,” he said, and waited until they both sat down. “I believe I have prepared the drink as it was given to you. After you consume it, the straps will be placed on your arms and we will begin a constant bio and brainwave scan,” he explained. “However, neither Lea nor myself will touch you in any way during the observation and you will not be released until we have confirmed that the drug is out of your systems.”

Red nodded and took his seat, followed by Stink, who looked to Red, then back to Mik.

“Yeah, better not touch us,” Stink agreed. “It’ll make us think you're a threat. I remember that during my Maa Fi-”

“Can we just get on with this?” Red asked impatiently.

“You should relax,” Stink said. “We don't need to start out angry. The drug will do that.”

“Would you shut up?” Red grumbled.

“Yes, shutting up now, Sir,” Stink said and giggled a little. “I’m just nervous.”

Lea folded her arms as she watched them. “We _could_ start, or we could just watch the show.” Then to Mik. “Let's begin.”

Mik nodded and activated all the restraints but one arm, so they could take the drink themselves. He double-checked the drink’s doses and, in case they needed more, had the computer make an extra of each portion and lock them in Lea’s office. If they needed more. it would be there; and if they broke free, they wouldn’t be able to get more. 

Mik handed them both a cup and, after they downed the drink, he had the last restraint put in place and then they sat back to observe. 

“Please do self observations and report any changes you feel yourself,” Mik instructed, keeping a close watch on their monitors.

“I can't believe they got us to drink that,” Red said, making a face and tapping his claws against the chair.

“I like it. Besides, that was part of commencing the Maa Fi,” Stink said and shifted to get more comfortable under the restraint.

Red snorted and closed his eyes, but he felt nothing so far. He shifted in his seat too.

“It takes a while, doesn't it?” Stink voiced both their thoughts aloud as he squirmed, seeming to have trouble getting comfortable. “Are you feeling anything?”

Red shrugged. “No,” he said flatly and scratched at the chair arm.

Lea watched carefully, but she had already noticed something. “It’s beginning,” she said to Mik. “It starts with restlessness. Vortians, on the other hand, become relaxed.”

“Yes,” Mik said, also watching. “I noticed a slight increase in the heart-spooch rate, as if walking faster,” he said.

“Well, I still don't feel anything,” Stink complained. “It’s probably not working.”

Red rolled his eyes. “I’m experiencing a heightened desire to smash his face in,” he hissed.

Stink snorted. “What is with you and your temper? Is it part of Ascending or what? Because you didn't used to be this much of a jerk in the Academy.”

Red closed his eyes again and his breathing hitched. “I’m definitely feeling something,” he said in a whisper, eyes still closed.

“That’s always like you,” Stink grumbled. “Always acting like you're the best at everything just because you're tall, but I know you cheated in the Academy.”

“I did not,” Red countered.

“Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain passing tests even though you _never_ studied?” Stink snapped back.

“I did _not_ cheat, you little moron!” Red snarled. “I knew all the material because I’m-”

“Yeah, because you're _Reeeeed,”_ Stink said in a mocking tone. “Like _that_ has anything to do with it.”

Red’s eyes snapped open and he shot a deadly glare at Stink. “If I weren't restrained, Stink!”

“Yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses. You've always got excuses.”

“Note Red’s increased body temperature,” Lea pointed out, as she’d noticed the beads of sweat appearing on Red’s brow without needing to look at the readings. “But Stink doesn't have them yet.”

“I’m picking up increased brainwave activity,” Mik said, pointing to another screen. “This area is beginning to light up and is more commonly associated with emotional responses. There...” Mik typed on his reader to have the scanners adjust themselves. “Yes, I am picking up an increase in hormones, most commonly known as testosterone.”

Lea glanced at the reader and nodded.

“Okay, can we just end this now?” Stink asked, and squirmed in his seat, yanking against the restraints. “Because I’m sick of this.”

“No, we have to see it through,” Red said through gritted teeth.

“Oh! And there he goes just bossing everyone around like he owns this ship,” Stink snapped.

“I _do_ own this ship!” Red snarled. “And you! And when I get out of this, I’m going to kill you!”

“There’s that temper again!” Stink grouched. “By the Tallest, I’m going to report your defective ass to the Control Brains! I can't believe they chose _you_ as the leader!”

“I’m _the tallest!_ Who else would they pick? _You?!_ ”

“Why not? I could rule way better than you! I mean, what are we even doing?! We’re just flying around through Irken territory like we’re on a sightseeing cruise!”

“And what would you want?!”

“What happened to conquest? That’s what _Spork_ wanted to do. We’re _Irkens!_ I’m an _invader!_ I should be on an alien planet invading it, but all I do is sub-pilot in the Armada! Why do we even _have_ an Armada if you're not gonna do anything with it? It’s a waste!”

“Because we’re not at war!”

“Then we should start one!” Stink didn't miss a beat.

“We aren't ready!” Red snarled. “We’ve ordered a new line of weaponry from Vort that’ll enable us to extend our reach much farther than has been possible!”

“Again with the excuses! You're just lazy!”

Lea shook her head. “Your species is positively charming.” Again she looked at the reader. “What about this?” She pointed to a scan. “I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“Oh!” Mik moved the scan around so Lea could see the spinal cord better. “See this highlighted area? This is where very thin connections are made from the ports where the PAK connects. This is how we can send a thought to our PAKs and have it obey. Alternatively, our brains can also subconsciously connect to the PAKs so it carries out our thoughts and wants instantaneously. The increase in activity here is probably from Tallest Red trying to make contact with his PAK, but failing to do so since it has been locked. Also...” Mik moved the scan to focus on a different section. “Look at how this is lighting up, this area is the more primal section where basic biological functions are controlled. This area is seeing increased stimulation while this area here—” Mik pointed again. “—is responsible for higher and complex thinking and is notably decreasing in activity.”

While the two subjects continued to bicker with increasing vehemence, Lea listened closely, ignoring the pang she felt as he explained the PAK’s. “Okay.”

“DID YOU ACTUALLY SPIT ON ME?!” Stink shrieked all of a sudden.

Red said nothing, just hissed dangerously and began struggling in his seat.

“He SPIT on me!” Stink shouted indignantly at Mik and Lea. He shook his head back and forth sharply to try and shake off a noticeable glob of spit. The moment it dripped from his cheek onto his clothes, Red spat again and hit Stink on the head.

“HE'S SPITTING _VENOM_ AT ME!” Stink turned to Red. “YOU'RE ACTUALLY _SPITTING VENOM_ ON ME?!”

Red spat again.

“STOP IT, YOU JERK!”

Mik frowned. “Computer, is spitting venom harmful in a lasting way?” he asked, unfamiliar with Irkens and venom in this universe.

_”Only if a high enough concentration gets into an open wound or-_ ”

“OW! HE SPIT IN MY EYE!!!”

” _Yes, that. However, as Invader Stink is healthy and his PAK’s life support and healing are functioning as they should, no lasting damage is to be expected. Tallest Red would have to bite him to put his life in danger.”_

“Oh, good; but perhaps a barrier can be provided? So Stink doesn’t become too agitated or damaged, as they put their safety in our hands. A clear barrier so they can still see each other. I believe having an opponent to target is increasing the effects and giving us a better idea of how the drug reacts,” Mik said. 

He turned back to the screen and pointed. “See? Now the only area that is having any activity on Tallest Red’s side is this primal area, and this spot, in particular, which seems to be responsible for aggressive behaviors. Oh.” Mik turned to the screen showing Stink’s brain. “I am seeing similar activity over there.”

Stink was now spitting at Red and struggling in his seat.

“Yes, I see. - Computer, you heard Mik,” Lea said, and a barrier as per Mik’s descriptions rose from the floor. Neither subject appeared to notice the wall and continued their hissing and spitting along with other animalistic sounds. When Red curled his lips back and bared his teeth, they could see the steady flow of venom coming from where they were grit together.

“I am glad we went with a low dose.” Mik observed them. “And I think we can conclude that the drug greatly impacts their ability to reason and think critically. It clearly reduces their minds to a primitive state.” He took a deep breath and sighed. “I can see how introducing a mating partner in such a state would result in less than desired results.” He checked the scans once more. “I think now we just have to record and wait and see how long a low dose lasts in their system.”

Lea nodded, for she could see where this would go too. “Their instinct would be to subdue any and all real or perceived resistance and mate, but we need proof that the pheromones of a mating partner does have an effect,” she said and began to think. “Do we have anything with a cycling Irken’s scent? - Oh!” She snapped her fingers. “Perhaps Purple’s Maa Ri uniform? As long as it hasn't been cleaned. Or what about the scents you sampled with the cuffs?”

“Tallest Red said before to keep Tallest Purple or any trace of his scent away. I believe it would be best to replicate such an event through adding scents from the cuffs.” 

“Oh, yes, you're right. I forgot. We’ll respect that,” she agreed. “Yes, let’s try the cuffs, then.”

“Let me see,” Mik said. “Let’s try a Sweetling scent first and see what the reaction is. We know that Sweetlings will more likely cause a reaction since they are chosen as Trophies. 

“Computer, add a Sweetling scent near both Tallest Red and Stink,” Mik ordered, and stood with Lea to watch, keeping an eye on the screens too.

Shortly, the two reacted. Both sets of attack attempts on each other ceased and the two subjects sniffed at the air. Then all at once their struggling to free themselves increased incredibly, especially with Stink who positively rattled his chair.

Lea studied them, then blinked and turned to Mik. “Signs of sexual arousal, Mik? Because Stink looks like he’s trying to poke through his pants.”

“Yes, that seemed to stimulate them almost immediately.” Mik nodded. “And that area of the brain controlling mating urges is lighting up as well,” he noted. “I think that is enough. Computer, clear the air and let’s see how they react when the scent is gone again.”

“But Red’s reaction doesn't appear to be as strong,” she observed. 

As the air cleared, Red completely ceased while Stink continued fighting with the chair. Red scanned the room, then resumed hissing at Stink when he saw him, though no spitting followed.

“Yes, it could be a preference perhaps?” Mik suggested. “Let’s see how they react to a Baseling. Computer,” he said as he typed in the scent he wanted added to the area.

The computer complied. This time, Red reacted first, but again not as strongly as Stink did. Red paused, turned his head, and sniffed, he struggled some and angled his antennae forward, then laid them flat and narrowed his eyes.

Stink resumed his heavy struggling, scratching at the chair arms.

“Perhaps because Red has a Life Mate while Stink is cycling,” Lea considered.

“Yes, I would like to introduce Tallest Purple’s scent for the experiment, but I wish to respect Tallest Red’s request,” Mik said then looked to Stink. “I do have the sample of Stink’s current mating partner, let’s see how he reacts to that. Though I do not think they are a Sweetling as Stink thinks, as the scent matches with a Tartlings,” he said as he had the computer clear the air, then add the scent again.

“They aren't? Are you sure?” Lea asked.

Now Stink froze in unison with Red, then both resumed struggling. However, Stink just resumed as he had each time, clearly wanting to mate, while flattening his antennae and began hissing and snarling. With his claws, Red scratched deep ridges into the chair and his entire posture was highly aggressive.

“Yes, I will show you the data later, if you wish,” Mik said 

“I would like that. I wonder how a Sweetling could hide their scent,” Lea said.

“It seems Tallest Red is acting more aggressive to the Tartling scent as opposed to a desire to mate,” Mik said, having the computer clear the air again. “I... have an idea,” he said, and plugged his PAK and reader into the computer. “I have taken samples of my Tallest Purple’s scent and I have the chemical formula stored to recreate it. There won’t be a second gender scent, but it is a mating scent that Tallest Purple gave off when his body craved sugar and he needed to mate to help maintain his smeet,” Mik explained. “Now let’s see what happens,” he said as the computer introduced the entirely new scent to the two Irkens. Lea grew very curious and looked at the two subjects intently.

Red froze all at once, his antennae springing up and his eyes wide. He looked around and sniffed, seeming confused. Stink, as always, reacted as before after a short pause.

Suddenly, Red came alive with a roar and, almost as though it had never been a proper opponent, he tore the chair’s arms apart and stood up. He stood still and sniffed. Recognition appeared on his features, but an equal amount of confusion as well. His eyes darted around the room, then his head snapped to Stink and his eyes narrowed to slits. Without warning, his hand struck out, smashing through the barrier, and wrapped around Stink’s neck, then Red let out a deadly snarl.

“COMPUTER SEDATE TALLEST RED NOW!” Mik screamed. “Do not use lethal force!” he shouted as an afterthought.


	30. A Case of the Stupid

Coils shot from the ceiling along with a cable with a charged tip. They wrapped around Red while the tip touched his PAK and Red convulsed under what appeared to be a burst of electricity, then collapsed all at once.

“You blasted box of bolts!” Lea snapped once she’d gotten over her shock at the incredible raw physical power Red had displayed. “You were supposed to _sedate_ him, not _electrocute_ him!”

” _Subject has been sedated, non-lethal force used,”_ the computer answered calmly.

“I prepared sedatives!”

_”I calculated that by the time they could take effect, Invader Stink would've been decapitated. Electroshock to knock out Red’s PAK was the safest and most efficient course of action for all parties.”_

Her eyes snapped to Stink, whose tongue was hanging out as he gasped for breath.

Mik immediately scanned for damage and sighed in relief. “Nothing is broken. His PAK should be able to heal it within the day.” He then looked to the collapsed Tallest. “Computer, clear the air of any scents and restrain Tallest Red until he awakens.” Then he sighed in relief and turned to Lea. “Should we conclude our findings and wait out the drug?”

” _Yes, Head Medical Drone Mik.”_ It carefully lowered Red to the floor, but remained coiled around him. The shock-cable powered down and retreated back into the ceiling.

Lea nodded to Mik. “Yes, I… don't think either would be capable of participating further.” Then she looked to Mik. “How is Stink? Will he recover fully or did Red do too much damage?”

“He should be fine. There will be soreness and bruising, but his PAK should be able to heal him by tomorrow. He may have trouble swallowing today, though. Perhaps it would be best to give him a sedative so he doesn’t damage his throat further,” Mik added.

“Okay. I’ll leave that to you as this is simply not my area of expertise,” she said. She looked at Red’s lifeless form, then to Stink, who was still panting and now making whimpering sounds. He did not look to her as though he knew what was going on. She turned away and braced herself on a table with a sigh. “I am such a bloody fool!” she admonished herself.

Mik placed a hand on her back. “We knew that this outcome was a high probability. If not, Tallest Red would not have taken the measures he did. And I think we have sufficient data that will aid Tallest Red’s agenda.”

His touch caught her attention and she turned to him. “Yes, but I… froze. I’m highly trained, my reflexes are honed, I can act in life or death emergencies to save the lives of mother and child should complications arise, yet I… I froze. Had you not been there to act so swiftly and accordingly, Stink would be dead.”

“Well...” Mik turned to look at Tallest Red. “I don’t know about the Vortians here, but in my universe there is nothing more terrifying than a rage-filled Tallest. Unless all Vortian females have a similar ferocity?” Mik asked. “And in terms of responding, I do have the advantage of a second brain.” He pointed to his PAK.

As Lea listened to her dear friend and lover, she was suddenly overcome and threw her arms around him. “And I am so glad you do. I may not _like_ Irkens, but I take my job seriously. I was charged with their safety. But when I saw Red tear up my medbay with his bare hands as though it was _paper,_ I… I didn't know what to do, Mik. I couldn't even think until I heard your voice.” She let out another long sigh. “I knew Irkens were strong, I just didn't know they were _that_ strong.”

Mik slowly wrapped his arms back around Lea, hoping that this helped comfort her. “Tallest Red is probably the strongest Irken alive right now. Not all have the same strength he does, but taller Irkens do tend to possess more strength.” Mik glanced towards the door. “If it comforts you, Irken strength is limited. We tend to burn through energy quickly. So while Tallest Red could do a lot of damage, it would not be for an extended amount of time,” he explained, then pulled back to look at Lea. 

Lea closed her eyes for the duration of the embrace and she found she _did_ start to feel better. The question was whether it was from his words or merely the fact that he _cared_ enough to try and comfort her? She wasn't quite sure.

“I have a request that you may find unpleasant, but I would greatly like your assistance with and...” Mik hoped this would help convince her, “it will benefit Lilith.”

When he pulled back, she met his eyes. “And that would be?” she asked warily, but then dropped the emotion. “Of course I want to assist you.”

“I understand Irken biology well, but have limited understanding of Lilith’s human side. I do know that humans are very resilient, adaptable and... have a lot of endurance. Before her parents became mates, Zim was an invader on Earth. The two fought for years and Dib was able to keep up with Zim. I don’t know what traits she inherited from her parents, but if she gets Irken strength and human endurance...” Mik trailed off. 

“There was a reason the Control Brains were interested in her,” Mik said, then sighed. “Lea, one of the intruders that Tallest Purple killed was human. Tallest Red has secured the corpse for me and I would like your assistance in studying it. Hopefully, I can gain a better understanding of human biology, which may prove useful as Lilith grows.”

Lea blinked at him; for a moment, she just stared at him; then she relaxed. “So, you want me to assist you in autopsying an alien? Is _that_ all?” She chuckled in obvious relief and placed her hands on Mik’s shoulders, squeezing affectionately. “And here I thought you were about to ask me to have your children after just one date!” She couldn't help laughing again, as the stress of what they’d just observed with Red and her own perceived ‘failure’ began to wash away, then she nodded to Mik. “Of course I’ll assist you. I’m curious about these - ‘humans’, you said, right? - I’m very curious about them. Lilith is an exceptional child with a great capacity for love that I’ve never seen in an Irken. It is often quite hard to believe she is related to your species.”

“Yes, I believe that is due to her human parent. He is a unique individual that was able to make Zim his mate.” Mik nodded.

“Hmm, then I think that does sound like it came from him. She must have grown up in a loving home.” Lea knew they were protective of Lilith from what she’d heard through Mik. “That also means Irken smeets are capable of developing their own values, so this cold, bloodthirsty nature isn't pure instinct,” she said aloud, though seemed to be gathering her thoughts.

“I wasn’t sure if you would be willing to perform an autopsy on another creature,” Mik admitted, glad that she was interested.

Then she looked at Mik. “Well, you said the human is already dead? I would not agree to kill him, but if he is already dead, then anything that would help us to understand more about Lilith is good,” she explained.

Mik looked back over to Red and Stink. “We should record how long it takes for them to get the drug out of their system.”

She turned and looked at Stink and Red too. “Yes. Oh, did you record a visual of Red’s breakout? I… think I saw something, but need to see it again.”

“Yes, the lab has been recording the entire time. We can go over to the computer and replay anything that happened,” he said, bringing her over while keeping an eye on their wards.

Lea nodded and chuckled a little. “Yes, I suppose that was a dumb question.” Man, she had it BAD! _‘Lea, you're not a little girl anymore. Be professional,’_ she told herself silently, then turned her focus to the display. She replayed the scene from where Mik introduced his Purple’s scent, to the end where the computer stopped Red. Then replayed it again. And a third time, but paused it. “Look at this. He wasn't acting randomly, he knew exactly where the weak part of the chair was; and when he broke through the barrier…” She replayed that part and narrowed her eyes. “He was actually aware it was there and his movement was, again, controlled. He used the exact amount of strength and…” she played the break again in slow motion. They could see how he positioned his hand to break through efficiently and it was aimed. “Yes. He used the exact amount of strength needed to break through and grab Stink’s neck, as opposed to overshooting his target or damaging his hand more than needed.” She looked at Mik. “Do you concur with my observation?”

“Yes,” Mik said, watching. “Despite most of the brain patterns being highlighted in the aggressive area, Tallest Red shows a great amount of calculation and control. So the drug makes them more aggressive and violent and their reasoning is impaired, but not their intelligence.”

Lea nodded. “That would explain why, in some incidents on Vort, I’ve been told there has frequently been trouble subduing some of the intoxicated Irkens. One of my colleagues even said an Irken soldier specifically blocked a stun laser with an item of exactly the material it wouldn't just penetrate or heat up - it was a freshly polished, but non-metallic serving tray,” she added as explanation. “Had it been set to its deadly setting, it would've still damaged the Irken, but it was set specifically to stun them.” Lea looked at the still image of the exact moment Red’s hand was posed about to grab Stink. “I always found that an odd coincidence. And then I noticed Red hit Stink’s neck exactly, despite the barrier he had otherwise not seemed to take notice of when he was spitting at him. I’ve seen people flail around in panic to free themselves. Red didn't do that there.”

“I wonder if the added stimulus of a potential mate stimulates a more calculated brain? Since it seemed he wasn’t aware of the barrier before and only acted this way after the scents were added,” Mik mused.

“But it wasn't a potential mate, it was _his_ mate, wasn't it?” she thought out loud. “Well, his mate in your universe.” She paused and recalled what she knew of the drug’s effects on Vortians. “Okay, wait… so, when Vortians take it, yes, it’s often for relaxing purposes as it does that, but it’s common with inventors. They say it, pardon me for the unscientific description, ‘unlocks their brain’ and they can ‘see possibilities they hadn't noticed before’. Increasing the dosage will eventually just sedate them. Either way, their intelligence isn't hindered.”

“Yes, that appears to be the case here as well,” Mik said, then looked over at the screen monitoring them. “Oh, there is a change going on in Tallest Red. The brain activity is starting to return to normal.” Mik turned as he heard the Tallest make a noise as he slowly came to.

As the ruler awakened, he felt disoriented. He wasn't even entirely sure who he was. The feeling, however, was oddly familiar, but he couldn't place why. Except that he couldn't seem to move his arms or legs - which he was pretty certain he _should_ be able to do. His mind also seemed to be screaming. It hurt to think. He felt as though he was waking from a strange and horrible nightmare, though he wasn't sure why he even thought that, nor was he sure what a ‘nightmare’ was or why that word had come to mind.

Seeing that Tallest Red was awake, Mik (still staying a good distance away) spoke. “My Tallest? How do you feel?” He looked up at the screen and did see that his vitals were stabilizing. “Lea? Could you keep an eye on Stink?”

Lea nodded and turned her focus to Stink and his scans.

Red blinked, his eyes fluttering open and again tried to move. At the sound of the medic’s voice, his speech program went online (at least, that’s what his PAK seemed to have done). “Stuck,” was all he could manage, his voice strained.

“No, My Tallest, that is Stink,” Mik frowned. “I wonder if the electric shock damaged his PAK.”

Lea glanced over to Mik. “Can it do that?” She looked at Red curiously. 

“Stink?” Red repeated groggily. “Stuck…” He was sure the word ‘stink’ didn't mean what he wanted to mean.

“Oh no!” Mik lamented beginning to panic. “Tallest Red is broken. We fried his PAK. How will I tell Tallest Purple?” He turned big woeful eyes to Lea.

Lea looked to Mik again. “Well, wait a sec…” Then looked at their royal test subject. “What was that, Red?” she asked.

“Stuck…” Red answered again. His arms were stuck. His legs were stuck. “Can't… move…” And his head really hurt. It felt like… “Someone flew the Massive into me…” That was a weird comparison, but then he realised it was accurate. And he’d said it once before… to… “Pur…”

“Oh!” Mik said, very relieved. “His PAK is healing his brainmeats. Tallest Red, do you remember anything? You were testing the Wor Hol drug, you and Stink. How rageful do you feel? Any violent urges?”

“Wha…?” Red murmured. “Test…?” His PAK gave him no memories of it. “No, I… don't…”

“You!” Stink snarled hoarsely all of a sudden and renewed his struggles, though they were notably weaker than before as he glared at Red.

“It seems Tallest Red is still being affected by stupidity. His PAK must still be restarting,” Mik said, then, when Stink came alert, he looked over the scans. “Stink still seems to be affected by the drug.”

Lea glanced at Mik, blinking as his words registered, then, with a snort, quickly covered her mouth to stifle the giggle she couldn't hold back. Her shoulders shook as she struggled not to lose it completely.

As for Red, speech was fully intact and his PAK finally allowed a proper flow of vocabulary - or as proper as Red had ever bothered to make use of, and his vision began to clear - he wasn't seeing two of everything anymore. He turned his neck towards an unpleasant sound and glared at the Irken struggling in the chair. Invader Stink, his PAK supplied, and now he understood what the medic - newly appointed Head Medically Drone Mik - had meant earlier. It hadn't been a word, it had been a _name_. “Stink is mad,” he said, and only after the words were out did it occurred to him, “Well, that was pretty stupid…”

“Yes, My Tallest,” Mik said very seriously. “We had to use drastic measures to sedate you and the shock has seemed to give you a case of the stupid. However, your PAK is working to heal you.” Mik looked over at Stink. “How is the drug progressing in Stink?” he asked Lea, who seemed to be shaking with worry. “Don’t worry Lea,” he said to her back. “The stupid should only be temporary. I believe Tallest Red will recover.” He placed a hand on her back to comfort her.

“A case of the _what_?” Red asked. He couldn't access the memories associated with anything Mik said.

Lea _tried._ She really, really _tried_ not to laugh, but when Mik attempted to comfort her, the best she could manage was to slide the display towards the medic, and hope he didn't see the tears welling in her eyes as she valiantly fought a losing battle. 

As Red watched the medic comfort… - Oh, Head Medical Drone Lea-Nard - his PAK also included the tag ‘lovers’ (along with some others his throbbing head made too tedious to bother with).

“Don’t worry, My Tallest, I think you are recovering, You should start feeling more intelligent soon,” Mik said, patting Lea once more before taking a look at the screen, letting her have space to compose herself. He understood how distressed she had been over Tallest Red’s well-being. 

“The drug is still affecting Stink,” Mik observed. “But not as strongly. He appears to be slowly coming down.”

Red was indeed starting to feel more like himself, and thus also becoming aware that he was indeed very stuck and it was _cold_. He looked at himself to see he was trapped in mechanical coils. He squirmed to test them, but was too weak against the resistance. His PAK told him he was not operating at full strength, but also that the computer had been instructed to restrain him and wouldn't have let him go if he was. Why such measures were being taken against him, _the all-powerful, all-knowing, Almighty Tallest_ (was the label his PAK now supplied him), he still didn't know.

Lea was about to try and wipe her eyes when Mik’s final pat along with his words of reassurance to Red caused her to lose the battle and she busted up with laughter, having to put a hand on the wall to brace herself.

“Lea?” Mik turned at her laughter. “Oh no! The stress has been too much,” he cried. “Take deep breaths. You are having an emotional breakdown due to your concern about the Tallest Red’s well-being. But I assure you he will fully regain his mental capabilities. Sit down,” he said, worried about her gasping, wheezing, and her erratic response to such a dire situation.

Unable to do anything but follow his instructions, she sunk into a chair, still laughing, wiping her eyes, and trying to catch her breath between convulsions. The situation was getting more and more absurd by the moment. Maybe it was stress, maybe it was just entirely ridiculous, maybe it was even _ku’o’li’nan_ , either way, her beloved medic so diligently and confidently reassuring her of the well-being of Tallest Red’s IQ was too much.

Red, meanwhile, was assailed by entirely too many annoying sounds at once that his PAK still wasn't allowing his fleshy mind to sort through with any level of rationality and, with a huffing sigh of surrender, he collapsed back against his restraints as opposed to trying to fight a battle for freedom he clearly couldn't win. Balance was reinstated, his PAK informed him and he became more aware of his body and how his arms and legs were attached and their intended purpose (beyond fighting against cables). His fleshy mind vaguely remembered drinking something, but his PAK didn't supply further information.

“Computer keep a close watch on everyone,” Mik instructed.

_”Yes, Head Medical Drone Mik, monitoring subjects Tallest Red, Invader Stink, and Head Medical Drone Lea-Nard, and three medical drone_ s,” it replied in obedient monotone.

“Lea, stay here; I’m going to get you something to help you calm down.” Mik quickly retreated into her office. He had the food processor there make a pitcher of the ginger ale they had created and, having no place else to put the pitcher, placed it on her desk next to the two backup drugged drinks; Red’s cup was red and Stink’s green so they wouldn’t confuse the two. He would have to have the computer get rid of the extra later. They wouldn’t need it now.

He then returned with the ginger ale and offered the cup to Lea. “Here drink this,’ he said, then went to check the screens again. The drug seemed to be all but gone from Tallest Red’s system. Stink was still affected but visibly less agitated.

By the time Mik returned, Lea had mostly gotten a hold of herself and had considered running after him to assure him she was fine, but he _had_ told her to stay and, though she didn't _have_ to obey, she decided to humour him and see what he had in mind. Besides, staying meant at least someone other than the computer was watching their test subjects. When Mik returned with the concoction they had made up for Lilith, she couldn't help but smile adoringly at the medic. “You… you brought me ginger ale?” (As he and Lilith had decided to name it). She accepted it, feeling overly touched by it, though also a kind of guilty that her laughing fit had caused him such concern.

“Yes, this should help stabilize you, but I do see that you seem to be doing better,” Mik said in relief

“I’m fine…” she murmured, feeling more guilty and took a drink to moisten her dry throat. “Mik, I… I was never in distress, I was just… laughing. Unprofessionally and immensely… laughing. I’m sorry for causing you to worry.”

“Oh, yes; but in times of great stress it is common for organic species to have erratic behaviors to help calm the body,” Mik explained. “Are you feeling calmer now?” 

Lea took another drink and nodded. “Yes… for the moment, I am fine again.” How long that would stay remained to be seen, but for now she was. So, taking another drinl, she stood up again and set the drink aside.

Red just discovered he had both scent receptors and a tongue and that he could do more with his tongue than just babble. He could _taste_ with it too! And his entire mouth was drenched in his own venom. He made a face and spat it out.

Mik heard Red spit and turned. “Oh no! Has the drug become active again? He’s spitting,” he cried in concern.

“What?” Red asked and spat again. “My venom, it’s…” The taste was not going away. It wouldn't _hurt_ him, even if he just swallowed it, but it tasted terrible. This wasn't mating venom, this wasn't warning venom. It was the full concentration and no small amount of it either. He had intended to _kill_. “Disgusting!” But he had no idea what, who, or why.

Mik glanced to Red, worried, but it seemed the spitting wasn’t at Stink anymore. Was Tallest Red angry at the floor in his confused state?

Stink, thankfully, was calming down and Red looked over to him. The scent signals of agitation the invader had been giving off were decreasing and Red frowned in confusion. Had he tried to kill _Stink?_ His PAK gave him no answers.

“Stink seems to be metabolising the drug,” Lea said, pointing to the scans. Mik had… left his observation of their subjects to _care for her_ , she realised, and felt both incredibly touched and even more guilty.

Red glanced at Stink as well. “Drug?” he wondered aloud, but his PAK was still blocking off any information. He did, however, finally learn that’s what it was doing. So far, there were no reported errors or damage to the fleshy body except for minor cuts and major bruising that it was now signaling his ‘spooch to heal. His physical pain began decreasing to be replaced with a heaviness. He was _tired_. Physically exhausted as though he had… _battled in the Maa Fi_. His antennae, now released as well, snapped up. They ached fiercely though, and he let them hang limp again.

“Yes,” Mik agreed looking at the scans. “He is doing so slower than Tallest Red, but there is a decrease in the drug’s effects. Stink, how are you feeling?” he asked, wondering if the stupid was an effect of the drug or PAK shock.

Forcing herself to shrug off her fluttery and warm feelings as well as the guilty ones, Lea returned to full professional mode - she’d make it up to Mik later, she decided - and nodded.

Stink did not respond. He was still so furious! But had trouble figuring out where to direct it since he hadn't managed to free himself of the chair. He also didn't register the words the way they were meant, instead the mere _sound_ was annoying.

Lea looked at Mik curiously, then to Stink’s scans. “Steadily decreasing,” she announced quietly. “I have no idea what he’s feeling now,” she offered when it appeared Stink wasn't going to answer.

“Let’s keep monitoring him; but, yes, it appears the drug is still affecting him,” Mik said, then turned to Tallest Red. “My Tallest, how are you functioning?” he asked; then aside to Lea, he said, “He doesn’t appeared to exhibit any aggressive behaviors, but I do not want to release him until we are sure he is in his correct mind and PAK state.”

Lea agreed with that. “Yes. He may appear calm now, but if that isn't the case, he’d have a good chance of finishing what he started.”

“Just put a stasis field around me,” Red grumbled at them, though he had no idea where he’d come up with that idea. It _seemed_ the efficient one. “I’m cold,” he added. Oh, and hungry and sleepy and… he wasn't sure what else.

“Oh!” Mik said, pleased. “It appears he is becoming more cognizant. Computer, apply a stasis field and, once in place you, can release him.”

_”Yes, activating stasis field,”_ the computer announced. It raised Red to his feet, though still held him securely, then there was a blue flicker in a circle around him from floor to ceiling and about five feet of space in diametre. It carefully lowered the ruler to the floor in a sitting position and the coils loosened.

Red felt better, suddenly realising that he had been very tightly held. He was aching all over. “Computer, were you trying to crush me?”

_”I was restraining you. Had I applied less pressure, you could have freed yourself.”_

“Great. Let me go.”

“ _Can you sit up on your own?”_

“Yes! Now let me go!”

”... _Unable to comply. Authorisation level of Tallest Red is insufficient._ ”

“What?!” He was _sure_ that as the Almighty Tallest, he had the authority to give orders to the computer. Didn't he?

“Computer, you may release Tallest Red, but remain alert. Should he somehow step out of the field, restrain him again,” Mik ordered, just to be safe. 

“Tallest Red, what is the last thing you remember?” Mik asked.

The computer obeyed Mik and released Red, who crumpled to the floor with a surprised yelp. Red sent the question to his PAK, then… tentatively, he tested his body. He could raise his head, but that was it. He rested his head on the floor. “Nope,” he grumbled. “I can't move yet.”

Stink, from his seat, moaned. “My… neck…” But at hearing Red, his eyes snapped to the ruler and he hissed. Mik looked at the screens, but Stink still looked to be under the effects and probably wasn’t at the point to try and communicate with yet.

“Lea, we can assume Tallest Red is like this because of the PAK shock, correct?” Mik inquired. Then looked over to Stink. “It seems that sending pain comes with a decrease in the drug’s effects.”

Lea shrugged. “I couldn't say.” She looked at Stink. “We’ll have to see if Stink acts the sam-”

“My PAK isn't permitting it,” Red broke in. “It’s…” He shook his head. “It’s doing something and not letting me in. No errors, though. - Why does it tell me that?” he wondered aloud. “And why do I taste venom?” He stuck his tongue out.

“This is almost too sad to use against him later,” Lea murmured, shaking her head.

“My Tallest,” Mik said, trying to get his attention. “Do you recognize me? Do you know where you are?” 

Red raised his head. “You’re… Head Medical Drone Mik,” he said, though there were no further signs of recognition in his voice. “My PAK tells me you have authority over me… - Oh, look, I have hands.” He raised them. “It’s released them.” He frowned. “No legs though.”

“I take that back, he’s never hearing the end of this,” Lea said, smirking.

Red looked at her and frowned. “Vortian. You're from… someplace called Vort. - Are we on Vort?”

Mik gave Tallest Red a pitying look. “It seems he still strongly has the stupid,” he said to Lea. “But gaining bodily functions is a good sign.” He then turned to Tallest Red. “My Tallest, we are on the Massive in the medbay. You were conducting an experiment on the effects of the drug used during your Maa Fi fights. Your PAK was administered a shock after you broke out of your restraints and attacked Stink. This has seemed to have given you an affliction of the stupid. But I believe your PAK is slowly countering it. So remain calm and keep us updated on how you are feeling.”

“The Massive is a ship? Oh, yes, that’s what flew into me…” Red frowned. “That doesn't make any sense…” His PAK released information about his ship. “If it flew into me, I wouldn't be here… it’s… _massive._ ”

“So, the Massive is massive, is it?” Lea asked. “I’m so glad we determined that.”

Red glared at her. “Duh. - No, that’s Purple’s line-” His antennae sprung up. “Pur!” He looked at them in desperation. “Purple was here! I-I remember him! - No… Yes! But…” His head hurt. “I-I smelled him, I’m _sure_ of it!”

“No, My Tallest, no one else was here. Tallest Purple is safe in his rooms with Lilith. Any scent you picked up was purely artificial,” Mik assured him. “And you were not hit with anything; you were electrocuted,” he clarified.

Red frowned. “Is that why it doesn't seem like Purple, but still also _does?_ ” he asked. Lilith? His PAK released that information too. “Lilith is mine and Purple’s smeet,” he said aloud as he tested the new information. Then he looked at Mik. “Electrocuted?”

“Oh, well, you ordered to not have Tallest Purple’s scent used so we didn’t; that scent belongs to my My Tallest Purple,” Mik explained. “Oh, and, um... Lilith is the smeet under your care. Tallest Purple has yet to have smeeted his smeet. And that is correct; you were electrocuted after trying to crush Stink’s throat.”

“Your Purple’s…?” Red trailed off as that information was released from his PAK too. “Oh. You and Lilith are from another universe. - How did you get his scent?” Then he suddenly sat up. “You have found a way to communicate with your universe?” Then he looked around and blinked. “Huh. I can sit up.” More information was coming and he had his first true memory. “Juice… I drank juice… It had something in it, but otherwise it tasted okay.”

“No, we had no communication. I had a sample of my My Tallest Purple’s scent on file from when he was smeeting,” Mik answered, then perked up at the mention of a more recent memory. “Yes, you drank juice with the drug in it, albeit a small dose. We are currently still testing its effects,” he said.

Slowly - along with his legs - it was starting to come back to Red. (He was also relieved that he wasn't being made acutely aware of all the processes his PAK was running - did he really need to be aware of each time he breathed?), but it was still quite fuzzy. He recalled what Mik had said. “I _attacked_ Stink on a low dosage?” He looked at Stink who, though no longer snarling or hissing, was still trying to kill him with looks.

“Yes.” Mik nodded. “Before that, you were spitting venom at him so we put up a barrier, but you broke it to reach him.”

“Spitting venom?” Red said incredulously. Then he closed his mouth and made movements, then made a lemonface. “That explains the taste.” More info came. “I remember…” - Not much after the juice, just that when he looked at Stink, he got furious. “Huh. But among the various self-diagnoses of my PAK, I do have an interesting bit of info.” He called it up. “It registered a substance that it will not assist in… not letting it do its… thingy it does.” There was that vocab issue again. He didn't care though.

Beside him came an audible snore and he looked to find Stink with his head against the back of his chair, mouth open, tip of his tongue hanging out, and a drip of drool hanging from his lip.

“Yuck,” Red grumbled and shuddered.

“Your PAK recognized the drug?” Mik asked, as he was slightly confused. At the snoring, he checked the data and found that the drug had mostly worked its way through Stink’s system. “It seems the drug uses a large amount of energy, and causes a crash afterwards.” he observed.

Lea looked over at Stink’s scans. “Okay, that’s a new one. It takes a higher amount than he was given to sedate a Vortian of similar height and weight. It could be crashing afterwards,” she said tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Now that it isn't boosting him so much.”

“Computer, give me a cable with which I can share PAK data,” Red said to the ceiling.

_”Unable to comply. Authorisation level of Tallest Red is insufficient.”_

Red folded his arms. “I forgot…” he grumbled. “It probably thinks I’ll try and recode it.”

“Computer, allow a cable for PAK sharing,” Mik instructed, then went to Lea. “Strong, but with a shorter endurance,” he said, referencing their earlier conversation. “Stink will probably need a large amount of food when he wakes up.”

The computer obeyed and a cable descended, which Red caught and plugged in.

“This is for Mik and Lea-Nard only,” Red said, then sent the data from his PAK, which was simply a set of command codes (if found: x, execute: y), but he figured Mik would understand. “It’s stuff never sent to the fleshy brain,” Red began explaining. “But that was _all_ my PAK was doing at that point.”

Lea nodded to Mik. “Purple said Red ate a large portion when he arrived at the Maa Ri suite.”

“Yes, I was starving,” Red said irritably. “I hadn't eaten once during my Maa Fi battles.”

“No, with the way your brain was highlighted you wouldn’t have been able to,” Mik nodded. “The areas the drug seems to activate call for large amounts of energy. To counter this, the brain also shuts down systems that are not necessary such as impulse control and higher functioning thinking as well as any digestive systems. Once the drug begins to wear off, those systems start again, hence the increased hunger to make up for the energy lost or, like Stink, the shut down to recharge the energy.”

Red’s eyes widened. “I can't _eat_ when on the drug?!” And _finally_ his PAK released the rest of the info about the drug - it was still repairing his memories of the experiment though - along with his feet, which he noticed because they started tingling and hurting.

“Well...” Mik tilted his antennae in thought. “It’s less that you can’t and more that you won’t want to. You probably didn’t feel the effects of hunger until coming down from the drug, a sign that your normal brain functions were returning. If you did eat, your body wouldn’t digest it well and it would just sit in your spooch, probably making you nauseous and the idea of eating more unappealing.”

“So, I wouldn't want to eat, but I would want to _mate_ in that condition?” Red wondered. He finally decided to stand up and found he was extremely shaky. Once at his full height, he was overcome by dizziness and half sunk, half fell to the floor.

“It’s a physical activity that burns through the energy of aggression. Also those two functions share the same area of the brain, the drug highlights both and either will manifest depending on what triggers it. A scent of a mate caused a desire to mate and when no mate was found the impulse went back to aggression. The main reaction is aggression and then becomes a violent urge to mate only if the proper trigger is there, otherwise you would have wanted to mate with Stink instead of kill him,” Mik explained.

Red rubbed his head as he tried to focus on what Mik told him. It took all of his focus until his head seemed to clear again. “A violent urge to mate…” he repeated out loud and fell into thought. Then he raised his eyes to them. “I am starting to remember… When I thought Purple was here and - wait, he was sending out _mating signals?_ ” Red furrowed his brow and his tongue flicked out for a moment. “I can still taste the leftovers of his scent…” he murmured. “Weird. Anyway, I _needed_ him, but couldn't find him and the smell is strange anyway. Like it was him, but wasn't… Oh. Right, because it wasn't from _my_ Pur…” he concluded. “Well, your universe me is lucky, because his Pur smells really good too.” He shook his head to clear it and find the track he’d been on. “I wanted to mate with him, but then I couldn't find him and… then I smelled Stink and all I could think of was getting rid of the competition. Hmm…” He paused. “And I didn't just want to take his PAK or anything, I wanted to _feel_ him die in my hands. To know _I_ was causing it and him to know _I_ was the one doing it.” Then his head snapped to Stink and he angled his antennae aggressively. “He was reacting to Purple’s scent. I could smell that _he_ wanted to mate with Purple as badly as I did.” He tore his glare away from Stink and focussed it on the wall behind Mik. “And I have absolutely no regrets,” he muttered. Purple was _his._

Mik listened as Red went over his memories. “This seems consistent with what we think the drug does to your mind and body. We have concluded that the drug increases your violent urges, but greatly decreases your rational and complex thinking. However, it doesn’t lower your intelligence as you were able to make very calculated moves,” Mik explained. “And Stink wasn’t really reacting to Tallest Purple’s scent the same way you were. Stink reacted strongly to all the scents while you only reacted strongly to Tallest Purple’s. We think this is because he is your Life Mate and you are bonded with him. But until your PAK returns to normal and all violent urges are gone, we cannot let you out, nor return your status to you.”

Red looked at the chair he now remembered destroying, then the hole he’d left in the barrier and snorted. “Pffft! I’ve been able to do _that_ since soldier training. It’s part of training for the case you find yourself captured by the enemy.”

He listened to the next conclusion about his and Stink’s differing reactions. “Well, that’s certainly fortunate for him, but I’d finish what I started in a _second_ if you let me out right now.” He shot Stink another deadly glare.

“Oh, so maybe it’s less that you can think clearly and calculated, but that your mind is instinctively reacting.” Mik turned to Lea. “Irken soldiers are trained since they are smeets, it would better explain Tallest Red’s actions if such thoughts were now more instincts and PAK calculations than we thought they were.” He glanced at Red. “Then you have not fully come down from the drug yet, if such urges are in your system.”

Red shrugged at Mik’s thoughts, then considered it. “Okay, when I was attacking him with venom - I can't believe I did that, it’s _smeet_ stuff,” he grumbled and rolled his eyes at himself. “Anyway, I didn't notice the barrier. But when I smelled Purple, it was like my training kicked in and my situation became clear to me.” Then he frowned as he played the memories back. “I had tried to use my PAK legs, but couldn't, so when it became imperative to free myself, I did. - I think your conclusion is correct: I just did something I’ve been carefully trained to do.” He looked back at the chair. “I’ll want to inspect that later,” he said. “I thought we had upgraded ones on the Massive. They shouldn't be that weak.” His eyes snapped to Stink’s chair. “And I see it wouldn't have held him much longer either,” he pointed out. “And it’s a good thing my PAK is locked - oh, that’s why I couldn't use it,” he realised as that bit of info was released at his verbal trigger. He looked seriously at Mik. “I would have been out of here in no time… and left a trail of mangled bodies until… I ran out of them or found Purple.” He quieted as he fell into thought. “But that was such a low dosage, how could it…” he trailed off as he tried to sort out the puzzle.

“Maybe....” Mik thought out loud. “The dose has less to do with intensity and more to do with how long the effects last, like adding fuel to a fire. If you have a small amount of propane for a Bunsen burner, it is not that the flame will burn less hot, but that it won’t burn for as long.”

Red raised his head and antennae and looked at Mik. “Of _course!_ You're a genius!” He fell into thought. “My Maa Fi lasted for _day_ s, but I didn't need to eat or sleep during, I just knew I had to get to the end and destroy anyone I found along the way.”

“My Tallest, what happens if too much of the drug is consumed? Is there any record of that?” Mik asked.

Red frowned as he thought about Mik’s question. “I don't think we have any. We’ve been doing it for so long, I don't think we’ve had that.” He looked at Lea. “Unless there are Vortian records? They stopped trying to report incidents to us because we threatened them with conquest if they didn't quit insulting us,” he said matter-of-factly.

Lea rolled her eyes and folded her arms. “Of course you did,” she muttered. “You just can't take any criticism.”

Red didn't miss a beat. “Because we’re _perfect_.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Lea held out her hands to indicate the room. “My medbay is _perfectly_ destroyed.”

” _Exactly_ ,” Red said, whether he’d missed her sarcasm or not, he didn't indicate.

“But there has to be a limit,” Mik said. “An Irken body cannot keep using such energy indefinitely.”

“You’ll surely understand if I don't volunteer myself as a subject for that experiment,” Red said. “I’m not good to Purple - or Lilith or my smeet - if my body’s broken from the drug.” Then he raised his head. “But I have an idea. Take some cells from me and let them swim in the drug or something and see if they break down or whatever cells do.” Then he shrugged, realising he had no idea if that made any plausible sense. “Well, or whatever you think. You're the medical scientist. You come up with options to figure out how to test this and let me know when you have something.”

Mik nodded, “We can probably come up with something,” he said, nodding to Lea. “Or look into some documents if you would allow access once you regain your title,” he said.

Red nodded. “I’ll have to see if I can do that. Everything about the drug is classified under Tallest Only access outside of the Wor Hol authorities themselves. I couldn't even access it as Ascending Tallest-” then he realised something. “Well, not that I tried, so I don't know.”

“We can try after you regain your title. Will Tallest Purple he required to come since he is technically Tallest right now? Will his presence be necessary to pass it back to you once you are back to normal?” Mik asked.

Red shook his head. “It’s a medical protocol where, for the duration, you and Lea-Nard have that power. Purple _could_ , because he is active Tallest, so he can end the protocol himself, but he isn't required for it. Just you and Lea-Nard both, because you each only possess half the authority.” Red glanced over at Stink, who was now snoring. “But I would suggest you keep me in here until he is fit to leave, or you remove him from my sight and purge the room of his scent. Because I still wanna kill him and that would be a waste of a good invader.” Then he looked down at his boots. “And a good smeet-sitter,” he added more quietly. He knew from experience that his desire to kill everyone but his potential mate would diminish with time. He just hoped it wasn't going to take him days.

“Yes, Lilith would be upset if you managed to hurt the one she claimed as her slave,” Mik stated. “I have heard that when she is upset she can be very stubborn.”

“Oh, yes, there was that, wasn't there,” Red said and chuckled a little, then looked up at Mik. “Well, I would _hope_ so. She’s a Tallest smeet now - even if she was _Zim’s_ before. Either way, she’s still Irken.” And she was Lilith; and perfect; and _his_ smeet; and… He shook his head. Purple’s smeeting hormones must be getting to him. “I guess I’m having a strong reaction to her because Purple’s smeeting is making me…” he let the sentence end there and just shrugged.

“Oh, I think being around natural smeets has that effect on Irken,” Mik said, recognizing what Red was talking about. “They instill a need to care for and protect them as they are too young to do so themselves.”

“And yet you still didn't want to tell me her parentage,” he pointed out with an accusing glare, but then he waved his hand dismissively. He had more important things to focus on than something he neither could change nor wanted to talk about.

“Mik,” Lea said softly and pointed discreetly to Stink’s scans, which were changing.


	31. Flippin’ Fast

It was then that they heard a hoarse, pained groaning and Red’s eyes snapped to the invader. He sniffed in residual irritation at the sight of the invader, but said nothing.

“My… _neck_ ,” Stink croaked in a pained voice. “And my head… and my PAK… and my hands… and my leg…”

“Stink,” Mik said. “How aggressive are you feeling? What do you remember?”

Stink groaned again, then raised his head and saw Mik and Lea-Nard. The sight and voice triggered his PAK to send him his memories. “Well, I…” Speaking _really_ hurt. “I wouldn't want anyone to touch me…” He looked down and saw the scratches he’d left in the chair. “I… I am still feeling aggressive. But…” He sighed and slumped in the chair. “Too tired to care… I feel like someone dropped me onto a planet without a ship or… anything to protect my body… then dropped the ship on me...”

“That is fairly accurate as you were strapped down when Tallest Red broke out and tried to strangle you. But don’t worry, the damage is not lasting. We were able to knock Tallest Red unconscious before he got to kill you,” Mik explained. “Do you remember your experiences; any thoughts or sensations?”

At the mention of his Tallest and the associated memories, Stink turned and looked fearfully at the ruler, flattening his antennae and shrinking in the chair to try and look smaller and more submissive.

Red snorted. “Just answer him. I can't attack you.” He kicked the field so it flickered. “See? Stuck here and they won't let me out until they’re sure I’m not going to try.”

Stink gulped, but nodded. “I… It was just like last time, well, except that I couldn't move, so… that was different, I guess…”

Red pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them, shutting his eyes so as not to _see_ Stink too.

“I wanted to attack the threat-” Then Stink made a face. “Oh, did we _spit venom_ on each other like little smeets?!” He snapped at Red, then caught himself and cringed as Red hissed at him. “No, sorry, I’ll just… It’s okay, my Tallest…”

Red snorted. “Damn right, it is.”

“Yeah, I… I deserved that.” Stink lowered his gaze to his knees and sighed. “I remember smelling Kyz, Lan, and… _oh, no_.” He froze. He looked to Red. “Sir, I… I…”

“Just shut up and answer the questions,” Red growled.

“Okay, but you know I would never even _dream_ of-”

Red hissed sharply.

“Okay, okay, yeah, I’ll shut up.” He looked back to Mik. “I… didn't care about anything but either getting rid of the competition, even if they were taller, or… well, um…” He gulped and shrunk even further. “M-mating,” he squeaked.

“Yes, we saw an increase in a more primal section of your brain that triggered aggression. Before the scents were added the both of you were more interested in bickering and Tallest Red just wanted to spit on you, so we placed a barrier up.”

“That was kinda fun. We used to do that in smeet training.” Stink then shook his head. “Nevermind…” He listened to the rest of what Mik had to say,

“You began to react to the scents when we added them, however Tallest Red seemed less so. That was until we added in my My Tallest Purple’s mating scent. So the scent you were reacting to was not this Tallest Red’s mate. And I can assure you that if you tried to approach _that_ Tallest Purple he would mercilessly end your existence. Or have you thrown out the airlock,” Mik said trying to sound comforting.

Stink exhaled loudly in relief. “That’s good to know. Either one would be appropriate.” He looked up again. “It wasn't this Tallest Purple? So, is that why he didn't smell right? I mean, um, it was definitely sexy-” he glanced fearfully at Red. “But it was… Um… Well, it was…” He looked around the room, then his eyes landed on Mik. “Um, well, like _you_ actually.” He sniffed in Mik’s direction. “Well, not _exactly_ like you, and you don't smell, um, sexy actually, but… he wasn't a Baseling.” Stink frowned. “My PAK says everything’s fine, but that makes no sense. Tallest Purple’s a Baseling, not, um… like you.”

Red rolled his eyes. “His Red and Purple don't _have_ secondary genders.”

“Oh, well, that’s weird…”

“Irkens in my universe are either activated sexually or not. If they are, their biological genders begin to awaken. Unlike Irkens here, not all Irkens in my universe possess both mating organs, it depends on what their genes are. In my universe, Tallest Red is dominant male and recessive male, this means he only possesses male reproductive organs, while Tallest Purple is dominant male and recessive female, possessing both, but is male. They are also bonded and recognized as a Union pair by the Control Brains. They also have created a smeet.” Mik sighed. “I would ask that you compare their smeet’s scent to what you can smell from Lilith, but I have no sample of Tallest Smeet Maroon’s scent. I asked (thankfully while still protected by Control Brain Authority), but Tallest Purple refused, threatening to stab me through my PAK despite my clearance should I try,” Mik said, sounding more disappointed at the denial of a sample than the very scary threat of PAK death.

“Ohhh,” Stink said, nodding. “Well, that’s weird… very weird...”

Red glared. “Did you even understand any of that?”

“Not really,” Stink admitted, chuckling. “How can you not be activated, you know? It just happens when it's time, every Irken knows that.” Then he giggled. “Well, unless he means he needs Lea-Nard to ‘ _activate_ ’ him,” he concluded and giggled some more.

Red groaned, shaking his head. “Try not to hurt yourself.”

“Oh?” Mik perked up at Stink’s comment. “You’re aware that happened? Is there a change in my scent from being activated?” he asked.

Stink blinked and sniffed again. “Well, not right now- No, wait, you do actually smell stronger than before, but I don't think you're turned on right _now_.” He sniffed again and shook his head.

“Yes, unknowingly, I seemed to have activated last night in response to Lea. And no, currently this is not the place nor time to engage in activities that would stimulate a mating reaction,” Mik said.

Red raised his head at Mik’s words, looking at the medic in surprise. “You've been activated?”

“Yes, would you be interested in an account of my experience?” Mik asked

Taken thoroughly by surprise by Mik’s sudden and entirely unexpected question, Lea’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Words failed her too and she felt her cheeks grow _hot_.

Stink raised his head and grinned. “Oh, yes, if you want to tell me.” It wasn't every day you got to hear about medical kinks and Vortian women, after all.

Red also simply gaped in surprise, matching Lea’s expression.

“Yes! It was quite the stimulating experience. I believe it started after I removed my PAK and allowed Lea to touch me. Then, oh—I do not think what we did counts as a full mating, since we only brought each other to peak stimulation, is that correct?” Mik turned to Lea for confirmation.

“I… er… uh…” Lea sputtered, but before she could figure out what words were…

“You took your PAK _off_ for it?!” Stink gasped and even Red looked notably jolted by that. “That is… _wow_ , I mean… What about your brain shutting down? That had to be one serious quickie!” The medic was simply chock full of surprises, and had definitely beat out Stink’s rep as a fantastical lover.

“Yes that did begin to happen,” Mik said then paused. “Oh! That may have been when my activation occurred. It took a few moments to recover, but after, I was able to fully enjoy the next stimulus.” Mik paused as he replayed the PAK memory so he could then launch into a more detailed account.

“Wow!” Stink exclaimed, thoroughly impressed. “You know, if my hands weren't restrained, I’d totally have to applaud you!” His gaze flitted to Lea, intending to congratulate her too, but he saw her shell-shocked expression. “Oh, um, Mik? I don't think your lady wants you to talk about it,” he said in a lower voice as though no one else could hear it. “Sorry, Ma’am.”

“Ah, Yes. Now is not the time to go into such details. Later I can give you a detailed account of the experience. If you are willing, it might be beneficial to compare experiences,” Mik said. 

Lea finally managed to snap herself out of her shock at least enough to clear her throat, swallow, and take her first breath. “Ah, before there will be any PAK networking,” she spoke up, though her voice was not the cool and self-assured Lea it was supposed to be, it was slightly shaky. “My dearest Mik, I think we need to have a little talk first - er _later_ and, ah, in _private_ , between just the two of us…. Preferably in one of our quarters, yes?” she asked Mik with a toothy smile.

“Oh, yes, after everything is settled here and after Tallest Purple’s check in. I will be available for the rest of the cycle,” Mik nodded.

“That’s acceptable.” Lea nodded in agreement and exhaled in relief.

“You know, I am _really hungry_...” Stink looked around the room, saw Red and looked quickly away. “Not like that,” he whimpered quietly.

Mik turned to Lea. “We should probably have a medic drone escort Stink back to his room and allow him to eat and rest. He seems to have less aggressive actions, but we can place him under room arrest until we check in on him again later and assure that the drug is out of the system. I think that would be safer since Tallest Purple is due for a check in and Pak IV soon.”

Lea checked the time on the display and nodded to Mik. “Yes, if we have everything, he should do that before Purple arrives.”

“Then we should do that,” Mik said, then turned to Stink. “Please stay in your rooms until we can check in on you again tomorrow, and send us any updates on your status.” He sent a message to have Stink escorted back to his room safely.

Stink nodded. “Yeah, I am kinda hungry after being a science experiment.”

“Just get him out of here before I have to learn things about Vortian-Irken relations I never wanted to…” Red finally grumbled. “And do take your impending lover’s squabble somewhere I am not.”

Stink looked up. “So, does this mean that, um, I don't have to return to my duties?”

“You're removed from _all_ duties until the medics clear you as fit to return,” Red said.

“Yes, we want to make sure you won’t accidentally keel over from lack of energy or get a sudden urge to kill someone either,” Mik said. “And if you remember anything or experience anything more, please document it and send it to us.”

“Oh, yes.” Stink nodded as Mik began removing his restraints. “That’s a good idea.” As soon as his wrists were free, he tested them as though to make sure they weren't busted, then began rubbing them. “Ooh, that smarts,” he murmured. Then to Mik, he saluted. “Will do, Sir!”

A larger medic of almost equal height to him approached and gestured to him to leave. “Bye-bye,” Stink said with a wave to Lea and another salute to Mik, then turned and made for the door, making himself as small and unimposing as he could when he walked by Red.

Red ignored him - Tallests, quarantined or otherwise, didn't need to greet or bid sweet farewells to people they still had an urge to kill. Once Stink was gone, however, Red straightened up. “I don't think there’s any more of the drug affecting me. I think I just wanna kill him for Purple,” he said.

Lea shook her head at him. “Is this jealousy an instinct thing?” she asked Mik. “Or are you programmed with it?”

“I have never experienced murderous impulses myself, but I am a medic so my PAK programming could be different,” Mik said then added. 

“Hmm, that makes sense, I think,” Lea said as she considered Mik’s speculations. “Well, I certainly hope not all of you have it. I have to work with people, after all,” she said softly. 

“It could be a Tallest thing or a new mate's response.” Mik turned to Lea “The drug does seem to be out of his system, should we release him? Oh, should we call Tallest Purple here first and see how he reacts and, if Tallest Red remains in control, then we can reinstate his authority?”

Lea looked at Red and shrugged as she thought about it. Her patient - Purple - was, of course, her top priority.

“You really think because I rule the place, that’s why I want to kill people?” Red asked.

“Mik has indicated on a number of occasions that you and Purple from his universe are murderous, so, I would say that sounds plausible,” Lea answered. “Or you two are just psychopaths, if that better suits your fancy.” Red huffed, so she turned to Mik. “I would be curious to see how he reacts to his Purple, honestly, but I also can't allow Purple to be put in any danger. I’ll let you calculate the risks, since Irken psychology - or algorithms, if that’s more accurate for cyborgs - is not my expertise.”

Mik nodded. “I believe the safest way would be to introduce Purple’s scent first, but I do not have it on file. Instead we can lift the quarantine on the medbay and have Tallest Purple come here. However, I would not release the stasis field until Tallest Red first reacts to the scent. If things go well from there we can lift the field and return Tallest Red his title. Though to be sure, I would suggest he try to spend the rest of the cycle in his chambers and avoid other Irkens until tomorrow.”

Lea nodded and turned to Red, her arms folded over her chest. “I concur.”

Red looked back and forth between them. “Aren't you two just sweet.”

“You're the one who set it up that we have to agree before doing anything,” Lea reminded him.

“Yes, yes, yes, that was for releasing me, not sending for Purple,” Red said, but waved a hand to signal his agreement to the plan. “Do it.”

“Shall I send for Purple?” Lea asked Mik.

Mik nodded, “Yes, have him come down.” Lea nodded and retrieved her PAD while retreating to a corner so she could send it without distractions. Mik turned to Tallest Red. “Sweet? Do we smell sweet because of our mating like activities? You did say that scents changed among Irkens who mate.”

Red’s expression fell as he realised Mik had misunderstood his offhand comment. “Scents change among Life Mates,” he corrected, then stared at Mik. “What? Do you want me to give you a good sniffing over when you finally let me out of here?” He rolled his eyes.

“Oh? Would you?” Mik said, eager to take him up on the offer. “I had Lea check my PAK and I have activated. I would be interested to see if there are any changes.”

Red’s antennae sprung up, then fell as he realized his mistake. He grit his teeth and worked his jaw. Red finally… growled in frustration. “If I agree to that, Mik, will you not bother me with it again?”

Mik looked a bit woefully at him. “But my Tallest, you are the only one who would be able to see if my scent changes after further mating activities as you know what my scent was like before—oh! Wait Stink was also aware of my scent before being activated. I could ask him as well. So yes, that would be most welcome, My Tallest.” 

“Wait, so you will be satisfied with just one scent check and then you’ll ask _Stink_ to do further ones?” Red asked. “Just to be sure I understand the terms exactly.”

“Yes, I think that would be acceptable. Stink would be able to compare my scent to others as he has access to more partners as well,” Mik nodded in agreement.

“Good. Deal,” Red decided. “And if Stink won't comply, ask Lilith to order him to.”

“Oh, yes, but I think he would be accommodating,” Mik said. 

Red shrugged. “As long as he does it.”

Lea returned to Mik. “Sent and affirmed. He’s on his way,” she said softly.

“You should wait by the door for him and then we can slowly introduce him into the room. If things get dangerous, you can leave with Tallest Purple to assure his safety and I will stay with Tallest Red after the computer restrains him again.” Mik explained his plan.

Lea nodded -- “I’m on it.” -- and left the medbay to wait outside to intercept Purple.

Outside, as Lea waited, soon Purple arrived, dressed in his Tallest Consort robes and shoulder plates, and carrying Lilith in his arms.

“Lea?” he asked, surprised to see her outside.

“We have to wait here for a moment,” Lea said, then waved up at Lilith. “Hi, Sweetie!” She reached into her pocket. “Guess what’s been hiding in my pockets just waiting for you to come claim it?

“Candy?” Lilith asked excitedly and squirmed in Purple’s arms to be put down.

  
  
  


“Ok, ok,” Purple said as he set her down before he dropped the wiggly girl.

Lea held a finger up to stop Lilith. “But there is one very important rule first.”

Lilith stopped in front of Lea and nodded, listening carefully. She would listen well if it meant she could have candy.

“That’s a girl,” Lea said grinning. “You have to… --” she removed her hand from her pocket and held both her arms out to the side so they wouldn't be in Lilith’s way. “-- _Find it!_ The only tip you get is that, last I _saw_ , it was in one of my pockets.”

Lilith giggled and her antennae wiggled as she tried to ‘smell’ for the candy. She pointed to the pocket Lea’s hand had been in, because it did have a slight sweet smell like a candy was there or had been. “Here?”

“Hmmm….” Lea said and tapped her chin. “Alrighty, I’ll let you go ahead and take a look.”

Lilith went up to her pocket and took a peek inside. Lea watched patiently as Lilith searched, shortly there was the sound of a crinkling wrapper. “Ooh, did you hear that? I think you might be getting close. If my PAD’s in the way, just pull it out and I’ll hold it.”

“Oh! I heard it!” Lilith grinned and found the candy behind the PAD holding it up proudly. “Found it!”

“Oh! Good job! And you have a great sniffer,” she complimented her. “Now that’s a new candy from my home planet and the really strange thing about this kind is that, along with liking to hide, they _learn_. So, next time, it won't be so easy to find.” She winked and patted Lilith’s head gently. “Enjoy it.”

She then turned to Purple. “We’re still conducting the experiment with Red, --” she avoided saying ‘drug’ because of Lilith. “-- so we’re going to introduce you slowly. Don't worry, he’s restrained,” she added quickly when she saw Purple’s expression. “He can't hurt you, Sugarplum, and he’s not rushing anymore, anyway. We just want to do a finish up scent test.”

Purple gulped, but nodded.

“Then if you're ready, I’ll let Mik know you're here.”

Purple nodded and Lea pulled out her PAD and sent a quick message to Mik that Purple and Lilith had arrived and they were ready - as well as the question of what to do with Lilith.

  
  


Mik looked to his pad at the message. “Tallest Purple is here,” he frowned. “With Lilith.” He glanced to Red. “Maybe until we are sure you are safe, she should go into Lea’s office. I have the ginger ale and snacks in there so she should be occupied enough while we introduce Tallest Purple’s scent to you. If things become unsafe, the room would be locked to you anyway.” Mik said, waiting for Red’s opinion.

Red nodded. “You're in charge anyway.” And he could see the logic in that, since he definitely didn't want to hurt or even just scare Lilith in case there _was_ a problem.

“That is what I will tell them then, to send Lilith to the office,” Mik said and typed back to Lea the plan.

Lea received the message on her PAD and, nodding to herself, sent Mik an ‘affirmative’ message, then she put it away and turned to Lilith. “Alright, Sweetie, so, Mik and I need to borrow Purple for some more boring grown up stuff; in the meantime, how about you wait in my office --” she then lowered her voice to a conspiratory whisper, “-- you know where my _secret stash_ is, after all, and there is some ginger ale in there you’re welcome to. How does that sound?”

Lilith grinned widely, the candy already in her mouth. “Okay! I’ll wait in there. I brought my PAD too!” Lilith said, pulling it out of the pocket of her yellow dress the Computer had made her before.

Lea beamed. “Ohh, what a resourceful girl! Perfect, it looks like we’ve got a plan!” She held her hand out to Lilith. “Then come along, you two.” She led them inside the first part and towards her office door.

“I’ll be good!” Lilith said, skipping up to the office door and out of sight of Red restrained in the corner. “Can I eat all the snacks I want?” she asked, giving Lea her biggest smile.

“Hmm… But if you get a tummy ache from too many, I’ll have to give you icky medicine.” Then Lea winked. “Just save a few for me.”

Lilith giggled. “I won’t eat all the snacks. That would be rude,” she said, then frowned a moment with a slightly grumpy expression as an old memory came to the surface. “That’s something that Pops does. One time he ate all my snacks! I was so mad!” Lilith said, scowling at the memory briefly before looking back up. “Daddy says not to do something to others that you don’t want done to you. So I won’t eat all your snacks,” she said firmly.

“Aw, well that is very kind of you.” Lea gave her shoulder a squeeze. “And you're daddy’s really smart too. Alrighty then, you have a good time and we’ll come get you when we’re finished.” She then turned and left the office. 

Inside the office Lilith went directly to Lea’s snack stash and looked around for what she wanted to eat. Picking out her first choice, Lilith climbed into Lea’s chair and giggled pretending that she was the boss and began eating her first snack. 

Lilith happily munched as she took out her PAD and began drawing. She wanted to practice her Irken letters again and show Purple that she could draw those hard ones much better now. 

Finishing one snack Lilith went back to the drawer for another. Picking out two this time, one was a salty snack, Lilith sat back in the chair. Lea said there was ginger ale in here, looking around she easily found the pitcher and cups on the desk. 

Lilith climbed into the desk and sniffed the pitcher. Yep! Ginger ale! She went to grab a cup when she saw that they were full. Lilith sniffed the cups, but immediately drew back from the stinky juice and stuck her tongue out at it. However, there were no more cups on the desk. Eyeing the cups Lilith gasped and scowled. This was one of those adults tricks! In order to have the yummy ginger ale, she had to have the yucky and ‘healthy’ vitamin juice. Daddy had used this trick on her before. 

Lilith stuck here tongue out at the cup, but she really wanted ginger ale. Sighing, she picked up the red cup and quickly drank it so she could use the cup to pour in ginger ale.

Lilith finished the juice and stuck out her tongue. So yucky! She then went to the pitcher and tried to carefully pick it up, but it was heavy and—she stopped as her belly cramped. It did _NOT_ like the yucky juice. Maybe it had gone bad? Like Daddy’s milk did that one time and he hadn’t noticed and then he got really sick. Belly cramping again, tears pricked her eyes and she climbed down from the desk and, holding her belly, left to go find Purple for cuddles and Lea for feel better medicine. 

* * *

  
  


Having just left Lilith, Lea turned to Purple. “So, it’s time, Sugarplum. Again, don't worry. We have Red contained in a field and he cannot escape. His authority is also currently revoked as he is officially in quarantine. Only yourself, Mik, and I can let him out.” She took out her PAD to send Mik a quick message that Lilith was in the office and they were ready to come in now, so as not to startle anyone.

“They are coming now,” Mik told Red. “Lilith is safely in the office.”

Red nodded and turned towards where they would enter, but remained sitting on the floor.

With that, Lea patted Purple’s arm, then led him into that part of the medbay. They stopped just in sight of Red.

Purple knew he shouldn't be, but his nervousness had risen despite all the assurances he’d be okay. He wasn't sure if what worried him most was that he might be hurt or that it might be RED, the one person he trusted implicitly, who hurt him. He forced himself to look and saw Red sitting on the floor, and his mate did not look restrained in any way to him. He gulped.

“My Tallest Red, how are you feeling? Any reaction?” Mik asked, holding a hand up for them to stop there.

Lea held out her hand so Purple had to stop or run into it, while keeping her eyes on the ruler.

Purple stopped where he was told, though now he wanted only to run to Red.

Red tapped a hand against the field so Purple could see he was restrained. Then Red slowly got up. Since it was part of it, he explicitly sniffed as he did so. There he was: His Purple. Safe, though clearly distressed, even if Red had been blind to see that. “Yes,” he said. “I am indeed having a reaction.”

“What kind of reaction are you experiencing?” Mik asked as Red stood.

“I want out of here so I can hold him.” He didn't take his eyes off Purple. “And reassure him everything’s okay.” Discreetly, he tested the field with the toe of his boot, but it flickered drawing attention to the fact he’d touched it. “I’m feeling no aggression. No desire to harm him. No need to mate at all costs.” He sighed in relief at the conclusion. _His Purple_ this time. “Just to be close and protect him and… our smeet.”

Mik let out a sigh of relief. “He is telling the truth,” there is no increased activity in that area of the brain. Tallest Purple, you can come closer.”

Purple did as he was told, though had no idea how far to go. With a few words and the look in his eye, Red had washed away most of his apprehension and he wanted to _run_ to his mate. He forced himself not to and watched Mik for cues.

“I still just want to be close to him,” Red said. “Pur, I… I did all this so I could test it on myself without risking you.” To which, Purple nodded.

“Tallest Purple you can step up to the barrier, Tallest Red cannot escape. If there is still no reaction then we will lower the barrier,” Mik said, and Purple nodded and gladly closed the dstance.

Red touched the barrier with both hands, causing it to flicker, then removed them quickly because the blue annoyingly distorted his view of Purple. “Still no aggression,” he reported. “He’s right, Pur. This would hold 20 pissed off sylvestrian snarlbeasts and my PAK is locked. I can't get out.”

Purple smiled. “You… did all that for me?”

“Uh-huh,” Red purred. “You're too important to risk, my Tallest.”

“I’m not-”

“Right now, you _are_.”

“How?”

“What happens when the Tallest is unable to perform his duties because he is incapacitated or… quarantined?” Red winked.

“The Asc- ohhh…”

“That’s right… my Tallest. You currently rule the entire Empire. Solo. Just you.” He raised his hand and traced the outline of Purple’s face in the air. “And power looks so sexy on you,” he purred in a much quieter tone.

“It does?” Purple asked, his cheeks growing hot. “But you can't see it.”

“Oh, _I_ can.” He covered the view of Purple's body from his collar down. “I’m imagining you in my Tallest armor.” Then he smirked and winked. “I’ll send you the PAK memory later. It looks great on you.”

Purple blushed even brighter.

“Still no aggression,” Mik said, watching the screens. “Though the area associated with mating is seeing an increase in activity, but the aggressive side is not being highlighted, so I can safely say this is Tallest Red’s normal mating response to Tallest Purple,” Mik said. “I believe it is safe to lower the barrier, Computer.”

Red winced as he caught Mik’s words. “Damnit, I forgot he was here…”

Mortified, Purple wanted to hide his face.

_”Yes, Head Medical Drone Mik, lowering stasis field now.”_

With a flicker and a tone, the field around Red dropped. Once set free, Red wasted no time in stepping up to Purple and taking his hands. Smiling into his eyes, he leaned forward and rubbed his cheek against Purple’s (and only barely managed to keep his antennae from seeking out Purple's and caressing them).

“Everything is remaining at normal levels,” Mik said, watching the screen. Now that Purple was close, he also appeared in the readings. “You are both experiencing increased brain activity in the area controlling mating impulses but everything else appears normal. Tallest Purple, your vitals are also reading normal,” Mik reported; since this scan was on, he didn’t need to check the cuff. “You will not need a PAK IV during this check up. 

“Oh! That reminds me,” Mik said, going over to a drawer and pulling out a small pod, then holding it out to Tallest Red. “These are the barriers I was able to create from the scan. There are twelve in there. Should you need more I can easily have the computer create some. We can review our findings tomorrow. I believe you should rest, as you may soon experience exhaustion from the drug as Stink did.”

It took Red entirely too long to figure out what Mik was talking about and he gaped at them blankly. “Wha-?” Then all at once realization hit and his antennae and shoulders sunk. He snatched the box from Mik and held it in his fist. “Hopefully you made some for you and Lea-Nard,” he snapped back, though admittedly very childishly so. Finally he raised the box to Purple. “I forgot about those _too_.”

“What are barriers for?” Purple asked, looking at Mik confused.

“You _had_ to ask…” Red groaned.

“I do not think Lea and I will require them,” Mik said. “As Lea is not smeeting with Vortian offspring and I also do not think our species are compatible in that way,” he explained, then turned to Tallest Purple. “They are barriers custom-fitted to Tallest Red’s external mating organ so that he may continue to mate with your internal mating organs without causing a risk to the smeet,” he promptly answered. But frowned as a thought occurred to him and he looked between the two. “If Irkens here all possess both organs, if you desire mating why doesn’t Tallest Purple use his external mating organ to mate with Tallest Red’s internal one?”

Purple blinked at the revelation of Mik and Lea, but then the following explanation and question left him blinking.

“Not answering that!” Red quickly said. “I’ve had enough for today.” Then Red turned to Mik. “So, I was supposed to smell you.”

Purple looked at him. “You… _what_?”

“Oh! Yes please!” Mik said stepping forward. “I am curious—“ he cut himself off as He heard Lilith’s voice. 

“Purple!” Lilith cried, walking into the medbay. “The yucky juice is bad and hurts.” She whimpered, then couldn’t walk anymore and crouched down into a little ball.

Red, half bent over to sniff Mik, froze and looked at Lilith in confusion as did Purple. The latter reacted the quickest and went to her.

“Lilith!” Purple cried as he knelt down beside her. “What’s wrong?”

Lea, also quick but farther away, joined him at Lilith’s side. “Uh-oh, did you eat too many snacks after all?” she asked in a calm tone, but then she put her hand on Lilith’s back and gasped. “She’s having spasms!” Which were definitely not something Lea’s snacks could've done to her. 

The most logical and horrifying conclusion came to Mik at the mention of the ‘yucky’ juice. His PAK legs popped out giving him the speed and dexterity he needed and rapidly tapped across the medbay and into Lea’s office where his prediction proved to be correct when he saw the empty red cup. Dashing back out, he skidded into the main area. “She drank Tallest Red’s spare Maa Fi juice!” He cried. “Quick! Computer! Lock—“ but it was too late. 

Lilith’s antennae suddenly went ramrod straight, her spooch rate skyrocketed, and every fiber and every cell in her body seemed to explode with energy. 

At that moment the medic that had escorted Stink to his rooms came back and the front doors opened. 

Lilith’s head snapped to the side and her brain saw _open space_. There was only one thought, one instinct she had, one thing her body needed the most: MOVE. 

With the amount of energy coursing through her that her body was endlessly supplying, Lilith bolted out the door faster than any of the adults could react. She was small and her legs tiny, but at the moment her body knew not the meaning of the word ‘tired’. 

In short she was flippin’ fast.


	32. Adrenaline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. After posting every day, we needed a little break. After this, though, we should be back to updating on Sundays again.

Red fell on his face from all the excitement. He was still, however, the quickest to react (soldier training FTW!) and jumped to his feet. He sprung forth, sprinting after her, then shot his PAK legs out as he dove for the door…

“Wha-?”

...Only his PAK legs _did not come out._ Instead he did a (albeit graceful) surface dive right into the deer-in-headlights frozen medic who made an ’ _oof!’_ sound as the wind was knocked out of him; the momentum sent both flying out the door and crashing straight into the hallway wall.

Mik rushed out after them, frowning at his Tallest. “My Tallest, this is no time to lay down. We need to catch her!” he said, to him and the other two sitting stunned where Lilith had just been. Giving his instruction, Mik ran after Lilith using his PAK legs to propel him down the hall.

Red just groaned in pain. Medic or not, that wall _hurt!_

Lea was next and sprinted after Mik, springing over the pile of dazed Tallest-and-medic on her way.

Finally Purple, who had absolutely no such training and thus no honed emergency reaction time, followed after. He paused in the hallway beside Red, but his attention wasn't on the Irken pile, he was sniffing and listening. He could hear the fading _tap-tap-tap_ of Mik’s PAK legs, but not that of Lilith. He started to follow after Mik when he felt a patting of his ankle. He looked down to see Red.

“That… way…” he pointed the opposite direction Mik and Lea had run. “Split… up…”

“What about you?”

“Find… Lilith, damnit!” Red snapped in a suddenly commanding tone, before collapsing back on the KO’d medic. Purple nodded and hurried down the hall in the other direction. He engaged his PAK legs as he could cover more distance (and he was best on them than on his feet anyway).

  
  


* * *

Lilith ran. 

Any other thought was gone. She wasn’t thinking, feeling or taking much notice of anything around her. She just ran down whatever direction she came across. There was no rhyme or reason and sometimes, for no reason at all, when she took a breath and exhaled, it came out as a high pitched scream. 

* * *

  
  


Mik ran after Lilith, but soon lost track of her. She wasn’t sticking in one direction and would randomly turn instead. He could, however, distinctly hear her scream and tried to follow the random bursts he heard. But he wasn’t built for endurance or speed and he knew he had little hope of actually catching her unless he could corner her, but they were in the Massive and it was ... the perfect place to lose a small smeet.

* * *

  
  


Purple could hear the screams, but they seemed to come from all directions and he ended up running back and forth down the same hall until he skidded to a halt, out of breath, his untrained and smeeting body not able to keep up. His PAK, sensing the danger to the host body, set him down and the legs retreated. Purple dropped to his knees to catch his breath and try and figure out _where_ Lilith was.

* * *

  
  


Having only her own two legs, Lea was far behind Mik and soon got lost herself. She stopped to listen, for running blindly was useless. “Computer, locate Lilith.”

_”Tallest Smeet Li-_ ”

“Just tell me where, you box of bolts!” she cut in.

_”Deck 116, section 9 - 14 - 18 -”_

“Okay, okay!” she snapped and made her way for the last one - 4 decks up.

* * *

_”22 - 15 - 8 - she is moving too fast for you, my Tallest,”_ the computer concluded for its ruler.

Red had managed to sit up and had the same idea as Lea. Now he was getting to his feet and, once at his full height, he shook his head to clear it. “I’m not going to chase after her,” he grumbled. “You’re going to close off the section!”

_”No, I am not. Protocol 404 is still in effect and you are not authorised to give commands.”_

“Then I guess I don't have to ask you to unlock my PAK either, huh?”

_”No, my Tallest.”_

“Can you at least make sure she doesn't go anywhere that will _kill_ her? And close off any place I can’t follow after her? We both know I’m fine now.”

_”Yes, my Tallest,”_ it decided.

Then Red began making his way down another hall towards deck 116.

* * *

  
  


Lilith ran. Lilith screamed. 

* * *

Mik soon found himself lost and could no longer hear Lilith. Panting, he dropped from his PAK legs and tried running on foot, his antennae perked for any noises. Not used to conversing with the computer, he didn’t think to ask it where she was heading. He just hoped one of the others could find her.

* * *

Lea soon realised that without an Irken’s help, she would be no match for the rushing smeet if she did manage to catch up to her erratic dashing about. She stopped. “Computer, where is Mik? And don't bother with formalities again, just _give me his location._ ”

_”Deck 112, two hallways from your current position.”_

“Oh.” She hurried off.

* * *

Purple, tired and feeling useless, sighed heavily. His PAK legs refused to come out and do anything but support him as he stood there out of energy.

* * *

Red wandered along deck 116, listening for Lilith while ignoring the surprised and confused looks from his subjects when they saw their Tallest walking around sans armor and hoverbelt in only his black under-armor clothes. They gave him a wide berth.

His ears attune, Red stopped in a cross section and knelt down to one knee, one hand on the floor, poised as he listened carefully to her screams. His trained mind listened for any pattern, anything to predict where she might turn up. There was no pattern, of course, for she was running panicked with no rhyme or reason to her movements.

He crouched down deeper, muscles coiled for action, and waited.

* * *

Panting Mik leaned against the wall. If only he had the fraction of stamina a human did he might be able to at least keep track of her. He’d heard and seen the reports Dib and Zim had sent him about this, but to experience this reaction in person was very different. 

* * *

Lilith ran. Object in the way. Run around it.

* * *

Lea soon found Mik panting against the wall and joined him. “Are you okay?” He obviously had not found Lilith.

Seeing Lea, Mik nodded. “I lost track of her,” he lamented. “She’s too fast. You have not seen her?” he asked despite knowing the answer if Lea was with him. 

Lea shook her head. “No…” she affirmed as unnecessarily as the question had been asked. “And I couldn't stand up against an Irken anyway. Trying to prepare a sedative for her should I even get the chance, would be too risky,” she said as much for hersef as for him. “We have to count on the others to catch her.”

* * *

Purple finally got to his feet again and wandered, much more slowly, along the hallways of deck 112, also known as the medical deck.

* * *

Red closed his eyes and listened, antennae out to catch vibrations. Then he felt it, the slightest shift in the air teasing the sensitive hairs. His mind began counting, timing… _‘6, 5, 4, 3,’_ his eyes snapped open to sharp, focused slits. _‘2,’_ like a tightly wound coil, he sprung into the air using his body as a net. _‘1,’ and impact!_

He clamped his arms down around himself, capturing his burden, and brought his legs up, curling his back. Head tucked forward, he turned himself into a ball that bounced and rolled as it hit the floor, the momentum sending him pinballing through the hall. Some hits were hard, others were soft and filled with startled shrieks that cut off at the next impact. He clung tight, using all his strength. (But what he wouldn't give to have his PAK legs!)

Feeling herself surrounded, Lilith struggled. Out! Out! Need to move. Move. Move! Despite the need to escape a deeper instinct set in when she was caught and feeling something against her mouth she opened it and bit down, latching on. The purpose wasn’t to bite through but to attach and distract and latch on until the Parental unit could come and defeat the thing that had caught her. 

Unfortunately, for Red, that thing was his arm. In her altered state her eyes were dilated and held no recognition. Her jaw locked around the object in her mouth, her tiny, sharp teeth sinking shallowly into flesh. But her arms and legs kept going as if they had never left the floor.

Red clung tight until he finally came to a stop. The pain in his arm was excruciating and he was certain one of his antennae was broken, but his nose told him he had Lilith. Now if she’d just _hold still!_ But she did not, and all he could do was cling to her to keep her from running away with his arm. While his antennae and bruises and cuts would all heal, a lost arm did not grow back so easily.

She was surprisingly strong, but he held on. To aid himself, he raised his legs and wrapped them around her, pressing her flat against him (protected at least somewhat by his body, the royal jewels would survive her knees too - he hoped). His ears, ringing from her continued bursts of screaming, would as well.

Red continued to cling onto her. His pain was being numbed from both his PAK and his natural body’s response until he hardly felt her teeth anymore despite the sweet scent of Irken blood (which was most certainly his).

After some minutes, with no signs of her ceasing or wearing down, he forced himself to focus and execute a plan.

“Computer,” he asked, his voice strained. “Do you want your Tallest to be irreparably damaged?” It was a trick question.

_”No, my Tallest. That would be a terrible and unnecessary loss to the Empire for it has already lost two._ ”

Red swore to himself that he was going to see about reducing the AI’s annoying chattiness. 

“Then _alert the others that I AM HERE AND I HAVE FOUND HER!”_ he bellowed, losing his shit. Then in a calmer, friendlier, _sugary_ tone, “Oh, and maybe tell them to, I dunno, come and _help_ _me_ too? Just… if it’s not _too_ much of an inconvenience.”

” _I’ll think about it.”_

"This is _Lilith_ I’m holding, in case your scanners didn't notice," he added. “She could use the help too.”

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

* * *

When Purple caught a familiar scent, he turned a corner to find… Mik and Lea leaning against a wall, but no Lilith. “Oh… I didn't find her…” he said as he approached them. “My PAK made me stop…”

“We also had no luck with following her,” Mik said. “She was too fast for us to keep up with. Have you heard from Tallest Red? Maybe he has found her?” he asked hopefully.

Purple shook his head. “I left Red on the floor outside the medbay. He told me we had to split up…” He leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor. “I tried to search on my PAK legs, to follow her screams, but she kept changing direction… I couldn't keep up and my PAK stopped me. - I haven't been able to quite catch my breath since...”

Mik frowned studying Tallest Purple. “It might be best for you and Lea to return to the medbay. The sudden physical exhaustion could have used more of your energy. Your body may have stopped you in order to not remove too much nutrients,” he said, then turned to Lea. “My reader is still in the medbay, you should use that to see if a PAK IV is necessary. I will continue looking for Lilith. I’m sure Tallest Red is also looking for her by now.”

“I agree.” Lea nodded and turned to Purple. “Come along.” She held out her hand. “In your condition, you should not be running around the Massive."

Sighing, but not feeling uncooperative since he wasn't of much use to anyone anyway, Purple got up to follow Lea. “I can't believe it. I’m Tallest, I have all the power of the whole Empire and…” he whined, suddenly feeling over-emotional and immensely inadequate. “I don't even know what to do. I’m the worst Tallest ever!”

“Now, calm down, Sugarplum,” Lea said and patted his hand. “Everyone’s having trouble finding her.”

“But I’m supposed to be the all-powerful, all-knowing, almighty Tallest and… I’m _not!_ ”

“Neither is Red,” Lea said softly and without any spite for that would not help the situation any. “Don't be so hard on yourself-”

_”Tallest Red is on deck 116 in section 13 with Lilith,”_ the computer suddenly announced, causing Purple and Lea to halt. ” _They are in need of assistance.”_

Mik looked to the other two. “How are you feeling, my Tallest? Do you think you could make it there? If Tallest Red has caught her, he might need more assistance than I could give on my own.”

Purple tried his PAK legs, which obeyed him this time and came out. “Yeah, I think so.” And was about to make his way when Lea stopped him.

“But not alone,” she said.

Mik nodded. “We should go together,” he said and, as a group, the three went to the area the computer had instructed. 

Upon their arrival, they saw Red wrestling with a flailing Lilith on the floor. Hurrying over, Mik found that Lilith’s state had not changed. “Don’t let her go yet,” he instructed, going over to Tallest Red’s side. “Oh, she’s locked down on your arm,” he observed.

“Really? Is she?” Red said through grit teeth as he kept her in a secure hold. “I hadn’t noticed!” That the medic might take him literally was not on his mind given the current predicament, having his entire focus on keeping hold of Lilith and ignoring the pain. “And not… planning to…!” He’d definitely not let her go after what it had taken him to _catch_ her.

Purple and Lea joined them, but Lea stopped Purple at a safe distance so he didn't get in the way or get a kick to the tummy.

“If you haven’t noticed her biting, you she may have pierced a nerve.” Mik was worried. “Hold on and I will get her off.” He had lots of experience with smeets locking their jaws. Carefully, he wound his PAK tendril around Lilith’s body, working his way around Red’s hold on her. “When you feel her jaw slacken carefully remove your arm from her mouth and let go, I have her grasped with my PAK,” Mik instructed, then carefully began stroking her antennae back. The slow firm stokes over her perked antennae did seem to have an effect. Her limbs still flailed but her eyes went half-lidded and her jaw went slack enough for Red to pull his arm out. Once free, Mik hefted her up in the air with his PAK tendrils wrapped around her middle; this way she was clear from hitting any of them with her movements.

Once free of his burden, Red collapsed against… probably a body of someone he and Lilith had hit, since it was soft.

Lea breathed a sigh of relief. “Sure you've got her, Mik?” she asked. Not that she didn't trust him, but Lilith was so wild currently. She’d simply never seen anything like it. “Can I do anything?”

Purple gaped at how easily Mik had taken care of everything while he had simply been useless. He sighed, but was grateful the medic had been able to act where he had not.

“Yes, now that her movements have been restricted, everything is under control,” Mik said, then looked down at Red. “My Tallest,” Mik began as he turned to look at Purple. “Neither Lea or I are tall enough to assist Tallest Red with standing, he may also need support back to the medbay. Could you assist him?”

Purple looked down at Red, who grinned and held out his arms, then nodded and reached down for Red’s hands. Red took them and Purple pulled him to a sitting position.

Red groaned and rubbed his smarting arm, then reached for Purple. “Reach under my arm, just help me to my feet,” he instructed.

Purple nodded and did as instructed. Once Red was up, the ruler stumbled and Purple quickly pulled him against his chest.

“My hero,” Red gushed, looking up into Purple’s eyes adoringly.

“Oh, no, your antenna,” Purple whimpered, as he saw the bent stalk.

“It’ll heal,” Red said, shrugging it off and then wrapped his good arm over Purple’s shoulder.

  
  


“Let’s head back to the medbay, I believe Tallest Red is going to need medical assistance,” Mik said, looking at his arm.

They followed him to the medbay, with Red limping along as he held onto Purple and Lea followed after them.

“I was a terrible Tallest,” Purple lamented to his mate as he eyed Red’s arm. “I didn't know what to do and you got hurt and…” he went on to tell his great tale of utter failure for his first time as Tallest.

Red listened patiently, not that Purple was giving him a choice, and gave him a squeeze. “Then it can only improve from here,” he said as they entered the medbay, though his voice was slightly strained.

The medic he’d crashed into was no longer laying in the hall, apparently moved by his colleagues, probably to the main medbay for smallers as Red doubted he could've just gotten up and walked away on his own after taking the hit from his Tallest like a battering ram.

When they entered, Mik gestured for Red to sit at one of the tables. “Computer create a six—no, eight foot barrier for Lilith,” he instructed and, when the computer complied, Mik set her down inside, then let go and the barrier sealed itself with a dome top. Lilith ran straight into the barrier once let go, but quickly hopped up and then proceeded to run in fast circles along the circumference of her new cage. “Lock down the medbay as well,” Mik said, then turned away to tend to Tallest Red, no longer concerned about Lilith.

Red did as told. “If I die, Mik, tell Purple I loved him, okay?”

Purple blinked. “But I’m right here.”

“And tell him I’m really, really, really, _really_ sorry I ate his very last plain donut,” Red continued without looking at Purple.

“What?!” Purple gasped.

“Oh, for the love of…” Lea muttered and walked over to Lilith, having no patience to listen to Red’s game of drama.

Red still stayed focused on Mik. “Also tell him that was a lie and that he was the best Life Mate I ever had.”

Purple, now starting to catch on, folded his arms nonplussed. “I’m the _only_ Life Mate you ever had.”

“And tell him I always loved his sarcasm, but that it’s very annoying right now.” He looked at Mik pleadingly. “Will you do that for me, Mik?”

Confused, the medic nodded. “Yes, if you should die at any point in the future, I will make sure to remind Tallest Purple of your words,” Mik said seriously, then took Tallest Red’s arm. “Oh!” His PAK reached into a nearby drawer and pulled out a set of tweezers which he used to pull out a small tooth that was still stuck in Red’s arm and placed it on a medical tray. “A smeet tooth!”

Red shrugged, not sure if that meant Mik had fallen for it or seen right through him as Lea did. “That’s all I as-” he halted as he saw the tooth Mik had retrieved. “Ew, _YUCK!_ I had a tooth in my flesh?!” he cried, staring at his arm in horror.

“I do believe Lilith will want this back,” Mik said; then from another drawer his PAK pulled out some cleaning supplies and he disinfected Red’s arm, cleaning it of blood and drool before applying a medical wrap. “You are lucky that Lilith doesn’t have venom, but still it is good to keep this clean until it heals.”

Wide-eyed, Purple shuddered too, but more so over how bad that must have hurt Lilith (although having a tooth stuck in his flesh was certainly disconcerting as well).

“What about Lilith?” Lea asked, her voice concerned and still annoyed. “She had the same dosage of the drug Red did and is running a marathon in there.”

Mik retrieved his scanner after wrapping Red’s arm and used it to scan him to see what damage had been done to his antennae. “Oh, she’s fine,” Mik said dismissively, no longer concerned now that she was contained. “There is no more drug in her system.”

” _What??_ ” Lea and Red gasped in unison, harmonising with Purple’s ” _Huh??”_

“Yes,” Mik said, looking at the scan results, thinking that they might not have heard him. “It was out of her system before she left the medbay. My Tallest, your antennae, while broken, should recover fully. I can splint it for you to speed the process if you prefer,” he said looking up.

Red waved the idea of a splint away. “Pass…” They were cumbersome and annoying, not to mention unnecessary to the trained soldier who’d recovered from worse under far less ideal conditions. Mik nodded, accepting Red’s decision to not have a splint. 

Purple and Lea looked at each other, then back to Mik.

“Now just a bloody minute,” Lea began as she approached Mik, though her tone was out of concern for Lilith rather than anger at Mik. “How can it be out of her system if she’s been acting that way and how do you know?”

“Oh, well,” Mik began as he glanced over at Lilith, who was going strong with her laps in the small circle. “She wouldn’t be having a hyper-novic metabolistic response if the drug was still in her system. And she is no longer in danger now that she is contained,” he said simply, then turned to Tallest Purple. “May I please scan your cuff? I would like to check your nutrient levels.”

“A what?” Red asked Mik, having not understood the medical speak.

“He means, a sugar rush,” Lea dumbed it waaaaayyy down.

“A what?” Red repeated.

“A caffeine jolt?” she tried again.

“Huh?” he reduced it to Purple’s favourite word.

“In order to rid herself of the drug, her system has been and is set in hyperdrive,” Lea grumbled.

“Ohhh… Really?” the ruler asked. “She can do that?”

Lea turned to Mik wanting to know too. “Is it because she’s a hybrid?”

Purple looked at Mik when he was addressed. “Oh, sure…” He walked over to the medic and held out his arm with the cuff.

As Mik scanned the cuff, he nodded. “Yes, we believe her unique response to drugs and toxins and most probably poisons is due to her combined Irken and Human biology,” he answered, then understanding that the Tallest didn’t understand, he asked, “Would you like visuals for clarification?” Then looked down at his scan. “My Tallest, your levels are low, I would suggest a PAK IV.”

“Fascinating,” Lea said, having of course no choice but to believe the only person in the room who’d known Lilith all her life, and she turned back to watch the smeet.

“Yes, I would like visuals,” Purple said, having also not understood a word. As to the IV, he sighed and nodded, for it _had_ indeed helped last time. “Okay.”

"Then I will set one up and prepare the visuals," Mik said, going over to type into the computer to have it create what he needed. While it was synthesizing, Mik created a PAK IV and, after gaining permission, connected it to Tallest Purple's PAK. 

By then the computer was finished, so Mik went to retrieve his items. On a table that he had hover closer, he placed a portable small Bunsen burner with a metal grate attached to the top and, next to him, a small cup of crystalized fuel. 

"This," he began as he held up a marble-sized crystal. "Is the amount of drug we gave Stink in relation to his body size," Mik placed the crystal on the grate. "Placing the fuel is a representation of introducing the drug to his body. Now I will turn on the flame to represent how his body will digest the drug," he said turning the fire on low. 

The crystal caught on fire and began to burn. "We can see the fire burning the fuel, like we would see the symptoms of aggression in Stink's brain," Mik said, waiting for the fuel to expire which took about two minutes. When the crystal was burned up, Mik turned off the flame. "I just now acted as his body returning to normal functioning. He may be tired or hungry as now there is less propane inside the bunsen burner that he needs to refill." Mik added more fuel for the next experiment. 

"This," he began as he held up another marble-sized crystal. "Is the amount of drug we gave Tallest Red in relation to his body size," he said, placing it on the grate. "Now the drug has been introduced." Mik turned the flame on, but this time turning it up slightly higher. "Tallest Red has a slightly higher metabolism so will he burn through the drug quicker, but see how we can still see the fuel burning? Tallest Red did experience the effects of the drug but not as long." It only took a minute and a half to burn it up. Mik then turned off the burner. "Now Tallest Red must refill his fuel." He looked up to make sure they were understanding so far.

Purple watched carefully as Mik explained, for having been sheltered all his life and his education reduced, he found this fascinating.

Red nudged Purple. “Guess I should've eaten your last donut after all.”

Purple’s head whipped around and he shot Red a glare. “Don’t you dare.” He turned his head pointedly back to watch Mik. “Please go on,” he said as politely as he would have with one of his teachers growing up, wanting to hear more if Mik had intended to tell more.

Lea couldn't help the small smile as she watched and listened to how patiently and carefully Mik explained it. She even thought he enjoyed giving the lesson.

Mik nodded, then went back to grab a reserve fuel and attached it to the burner. "Normally an Irken does not have much in terms of energy storage; what energy we possess is used daily and rapidly, thus our diets consist of mostly sugars and carbs," he said, pointing to the burner. "Lilith, however, has the ability to store energy in her body that can be used in case of emergencies." He pointed to the extra he attached. "Normally, this energy is not used, but it is there. Her non-Irken parent's species--if properly hydrated--can survive roughly 30 cycles without food, though there will be severe effects to their health," Mik said, letting that sink in.

“Wait,” Purple said, now leaning forward. “So, she can go for 30 days without eating anything? Not even donuts?”

Mik nodded. "In dire situations, that is possible. Her body will adjust its ability to burn energy and use it conservatively and also begin to use the stored up energy should none replace the normal daily consumption. However, I would still recommend feeding her on a normal schedule," he said. Then he directed his voice to the ceiling. "Computer, place a UV safety shield around the burner," he ordered and a shield appeared around the burner greatly dimming the experiment. 

"Now this is the amount of drug Lilith ingested in relation to her body size," Mik said, holding up the last crystal that was about three inches in width, length and height. "And now the drug has been introduced to her system." Mik placed the large crystal on the grate. "And her body recognizes the substance as a drug and responds,” he said and quickly cranked the burner to the hottest setting.

White flames shot up nearly incinerating the crystal instantly and even with the light shield, the flames were hard to look at directly. 

"Sensing a harmful agent, her body responds extremely, burning the max amount of energy possible to quickly rid itself of the substance. Unfortunately, however, the flames are too hot and intense and I am unable to turn off the reaction. Instead we will have to wait until the fuel runs out before I can reset the setting and add more fuel." Mik stepped back and gestured to Lilith. "This is her body trying to process the sudden and intense amount of energy. If she is not able to expel the energy, it could cause adverse effects to her spooch. Alternatively, when the fuel does run out she will collapse and will need assistance in order to reset and refuel her body. The danger lies in her escaping and collapsing in a place where she cannot receive assistance fast enough." 

Mik watched Lilith run for a moment. "The planet she was born on has many toxins that are harmful to her system. Until her parents are able to find a way to counter this hyper-novic metabolistic reaction, she is unable to leave the house. Should she have a reaction outside of their base, the likelihood of her getting lost and collapsing in a place where she might not be found in time is high."

"Alternatively," Mik added. "If her body can control this reaction, she will be quite resistant to poisons, toxins, and drugs. Combined with her body's natural ability to preserve energy and her above average stamina... well... you can see why the Control Brains were highly interested," he said a bit sadly.

All except Red shielded their eyes, but his implants could handle the light. At the conclusion, the ruler sighed and nodded. “Yes, I can see the advantages: An army of unstoppable super soldiers,” he said.

Lea shook her head. “Barbaric.”

“But, here, the Control Brains don't make such decisions…” Red got up and, not limping in the slightest, circled the sheltered experiment of Mik’s as he considered.

"When her energy runs out she will collapse, then it will be vital that we hook her up to an IV," Mik told Lea. "If she receives nutrients while sleeping and resetting her body, the after effects of such an episode will greatly lessen. However, she will most likely be unconscious for an extended time and will still wake up very hungry. Her parents said that, after such an episode, she will sleep from anywhere between half a cycle to three, depending on how many nutrients her body takes in while sleeping. Since the Massive and this medbay is greatly supplied, I imagine her recovery will be on the shorter side,” he concluded.

Red looked over at her. “Well, then do it, of course, and she’ll clearly have to stay here for that duration.” He had continued his pacing, then stopped and turned back to them, narrowing his eyes at the medics. “Oh, in the event that you two have finally determined that I’m fit for duty, would you end Protocol 404? I am really getting tired of having the computer tell me I can't do anything.”

"Oh!" Mik said, having forgotten. "Yes, of course. I, Head Medic Mik, Terminate Protocol 404. I declare Tallest Red fit for duty; he may assume all previous titles and responsibilities."

The computer beeped. _”Head Medic Mik authorisation accepted.”_ But nothing further happened.

“Well?” Red said impatiently, turning to Lea. “It takes you _both_ , remember?”

“Pity, I was enjoying this,” she said and sighed. “I, Head Medic Lea-Nard, Terminate Protocol 404. I concur with Head Medic Mik’s declaration that Tallest Red is fit for duty and may assume all previous titles and responsibilities.”

The computer beeped again. _”Head Medic, Lea-Nard authorisation accepted. - Medical Protocol 404 ended. Tallest Red reinstated as active Tallest. Tallest Purple returned to Ascending Tallest under Tallest Red. - Welcome back, my Tallest.”_

“About time,” Red said nonplussed. “Now unlock my PAK already!”

_”Yes, my Tallest,”_ it replied and a cable lowered which connected to one of the ports and sent the unlock code.

There was an audible click and all six of Red’s PAK legs shot out instantly, raising him from the ground. He walked around the medbay room twice before dropping back to the ground and flexing them like a claw around him. “Oh, that felt good!” he exclaimed, then retracted them. “These would've been _so helpful_ in capturing Lilith, you know.” He snorted at the two medics.

“What? And miss you dive bomb that other medic?” Lea snorted. “Not for the world.”

Red ignored her and looked to Lilith. “So, up to three days sleep, huh? Then I’ll leave her in your care.”

"Yes, we'll administer the care she needs once she..." Mik watched Lilith continue to run. "Stops," he said, then went back over to check on Tallest Purple's IV. "This is nearly empty. How are you feeling, my Tallest?"

Purple shrugged, but then nodded. “I feel… well, miserable, but this helps…. mostly.”

‘Stops’ was exactly the right way to put it, Red full-heartedly agreed with Mik. “Excellent.” Then he walked up to the medic. “Mik… I see that I can truly trust you. Thank you,” he said sincerely. “ _Yes_ , you too, Lea-Nard. Just don't let that go to your head.”

Lea simply made a gesture of acceptance and small nod of her head.

"M-My Tallest," Mik's eyes welled up with emotion, but, before Red had to deal with an overtly grateful medic, there was an audible _thump_. They all turned to see that Lilith had face planted onto the floor. 

"Computer, lift the barrier," Mik instructed, nodding to Lea as he went to get an IV ready.

The barrier raised as per Mik’s command.

Lea walked over to Lilith, though she was unsure of what to do in such a case, so she went with her instinct and knelt down beside her. She didn't touch her, lest that startle her system, but began speaking softly to her in soothing tones in her native language.

Red and Purple, who both spoke Vortian, looked at each other with wide eyes.

“Is she… reciting a medical textbook?” Purple asked.

“Ugh, they are _so_ made for each other,” Red groaned.

“Huh?”

_“Lea-Nard and Mik, who do you think?”_ Red whispered none too quietly. “Oh, you missed the whole thing where Stink woke up.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Red said dismissively.

Mik readied an IV to fit Lilith's needs, then turned back to Lea. "You can pick her up. I assure you, she is quite unconscious. Don't be alarmed if she seems lighter or paler or thinner. This IV should help her body start to build her reserve back up," he said.

Lea nodded and, gently and with great care, scooped Lilith up and held her to her chest as she brought her over to Mik. “She looks a fright,” she told him.

"Yes, she's probably used all her reserve energy up. Her body forced her to pass out in order to keep her spooch going," Mik explained, then lifted up her sleeve to insert the IV after cleaning the area with a cleanzor swab. Once she was hooked up, Mik turned on a similar scan to the one that had been monitoring Red and Stink when they were testing the drug. "Oh good; this chemical here is what triggers the reaction in her body and the levels of it are greatly reducing. She should be at a normal consumption rate within moments. The IV will let her body know that it doesn't have to go into survival mode and she will start to build her reserve back up," he explained.

Lea watched and listened carefully as Mik explained. “That is a relief. You're sure she will survive all this then? Mentally as well? Was she aware of what happened?” Lea suddenly had a ton of questions, but caught herself and stopped so Mik could have a chance answer.

“Yes, she should be fine, though I do not think she will have any memory of the event past drinking the juice,” he said. “Her body wasn’t burning energy for thinking, but for movement,” he answered Lea. “She might be sore from muscular overuse and hungry, but as long as we keep her on an IV there will be no lasting effects.” 

Mik also had Red’s attention. “You know what chemical triggers her body to cancel out the drug?”

“Yes, it’s called adrenaline and is a hormone commonly found in humans. It gives their bodies a burst of energy or strength that allows them, for a brief moment, to push past their limits. In Lilith’s case, it activates her metabolism since that is where her body detected it needed the boost.”

Red nodded, thinking. “So… is there any way of… replicating the effect for Irken use?”

Purple frowned. “Why would we want something like that? What good is it if we have Irkens running around brainlessly?”

“No, not for that,” Red said and sat down on a table to think, but it was getting harder to do so. “Mik, if it cancels the drug… - Oh, please tell me _someone_ understands what I’m saying.” 

“Oh!” Mik said in understanding. “Do you wish to replicate the effects in Irkens to increase their metabolism in order to more quickly get rid of the drug in their system?”

Red nodded enthusiastically. “We have a winner! - _Yes!_ Do you see, I could give it to Champions after the Maa Fi and then…!” Red suddenly felt dizzy and had to place both hands on the table to keep from losing his balance.

Mik came over with his scanner. “My Tallest you are on the verge of sugar deprivation. I suggest you consume foods immediately or I can supply you with an IV.”

Red raised his head and nodded. “You’re the medic…”

Purple got up and went over to him. “Should we go back to our quarters?”

“If you can go yet?” Red said. “And support me because I don't think I can walk.”

“Because of your foot?” Purple asked nodding down to where he had limped back to the medbay.

“Huh?”

“You hurt it before, didn't you?”

“Oh… No, it was fine, I just wanted you to help me back,” he admitted and grinned cutely at Purple. “Pretty convincing, wasn't it?”

Purple frowned, then turned to Mik. “Nevermind, give him the IV. _I’m_ not helping him anywhere.”

Mik simply nodded and prepared an IV that would suit Tallest Red’s needs. “Do you want a normal or Pak IV?” he asked, having prepared the fluids quickly.

Red slumped, though didn't fall over. “I… can't...” He felt his PAK getting ready to force him into an energy saving state and knew he had no choice but to lay down on the table or collapse where he stood. He chose the former.

Watching his Tallest climb onto the table, Mik decided a direct route would be the most practical and attached a PAK IV to Tallest Red. Since he still seemed somewhat aware, he was able to open his PAK for Mik to attach the IV. Once that was in place, Mik looked at all three of them. “The medbay is being used to its fullest today,” he observed. Then went over to check on Lilith again. 

“The adrenaline is gone from her system. If I wanted a sample for replication or experimentation, I would need to invoke a response for its release, which is not an option I would like to do. Or harvest the section of her brain that produces it, also not a viable option,” Mik frowned. “OH, wait! We have a perfectly good human brain to harvest the gland that creates adrenaline. We can then artificially stimulate that brain to harvest the chemical.” Mik turned to Lea as he had talked to her before about dissecting the human corpse.

Lea, who’d been staring wide-eyed for the parts about getting adrenaline from Lilith and about to flip, relaxed notably when Mik found another option. “Oh! Yes, I’ll agree to that,” she said.

"Yes," Mik agreed. "I believe my PAK would have to be ordered to do so before I would be willing to harm Lilith's brain," he said. "However, I do not think Tallest Red would order such actions even if that were our only option."

Lea, though she didn't want to admit it, did agree. “He wouldn't have saved her if he didn't care.”

“Besides,” Purple said. “I wouldn't let him.” How he’d stop him if Red had his mind set, he wasn't sure, but he would not have just let him.

Lea smiled at him. “That’s right, Sugarplum.”

“Mik… s’right,” Red managed to say. “I… wouldn't.”

"Then we are all in agreement," Mik said, pleased. "We will harvest the chemical from the human Tallest Purple killed instead."

“Well, if you two want to go do that or whatever, I can take Lilith,” Purple offered and took her from Lea. He wanted to hold her anyway.

"That would be optimal," Mik said. "We could examine the body and start right away on finding a way to counter the drug. If her IV runs out, just have the computer make another, I have her specifications saved. And, once your IV is out, Tallest Purple, you can remove it. Your levels should be fine by then."

When Purple had Lilith in his arms, she did seem slightly more relaxed in her sleep.

Purple gulped in apprehension, but nodded because, yes, he could handle _that_ much and he knew the computer, which had an affinity for Lilith, would help him anyway. “Okay.”

“Ready when you are,” Lea said to Mik. 

"Contact us should you require anything," Mik said, then left with Lea to go examine the body. Mik sent a message ahead to have the body prepped in another medical center that wasn't currently being used.

Purple nodded and waved after them, then sat down on the table beside Red and adjusted Lilith more comfortably in his arms.


	33. Humans Are Full of Organs

Lea followed along with Mik. “Do you think this will work?”

"In theory." Mik nodded. "But it depends on how Irken bodies will react to the chemical, since it will be a completely foreign chemical, where for Lilith it's something her body makes naturally. However, I would like to assist if it means that Irkens exhibiting aggressive behaviors are not locked in a room with another Irken they are expected to bond with. I find that practice highly impractical in that regard; forced or violent matings never yield positive results," Mik said as they entered the other medical bay. After being directed to where they were able to clean and prep, they entered the room with the corpse.

“I do agree with you. On Vort, such a thing is punishable,” Lea said; as they readied themselves for the task, she also picked a proper lab coat for performing surgeries that was very much like Mik’s including a high collar that covered her mouth, but without his rank insignia - or hers. “How do I look?” she asked, allowing herself that tiny bit of playfulness before they got to work.

Mik looked her over. "Properly fitted," he said. "However, on an unrelated and personal observation, I find that seeing less of your face is not my preferred attire for you," he said, then entered the room.

She giggled softly. “Well, I’ll take that as a compliment.” Then she followed him inside. “So, lead the way to the human.” She was very curious about it. 

"Ah, here it is," Mik said. The body had been stripped with a medical cloth thrown over it and a slew of surgical tools had been set aside for them to use and a large screen above so they could scan as they needed.

Lea looked at the strange alien. “It has hair stuff too, but also on the front of its face,” she observed, and blinked at the strange things on the sides of its head. Very weird. “Hmm, almost looks like it’s related to the people of Boodie Nen,” she said and indicated the thing in the middle of its face.

Mik nodded. "Instead of antennae they use the thing on their face, a nose, and on the sides, ears, to smell and hear," he explained. "The hair on the face is usually a feature reserved for males of this species, which—" Mik removed the sheet. "—he seems to be." Mik looked and had the scanner look at muscle structure. "Flexible muscles, but not built as strongly or compact as Irken ones."

Lea couldn't help making a face as she saw the rest of its body. “It is so ugly,” she commented. “Where is its brain?”

"Like many species of similar shapes, inside the head, which is where the central system is that activates the adrenal glands, where we will need samples of the brain and those glands to produce adrenaline," Mik said. "I would also like to take several different tissue samples for analysis."

“Alrighty, then let’s do this,” she said and flexed her gloved hands. “And we may as well keep the organs too, for study,” she suggested. “I wonder what it has for organs…”

"Humans are full of organs," Mik answered before beginning the first cut along the chest and down to the navel. As he went, Mik explained the knowledge of human anatomy that Dib had sent to him; however, a lot of what he was seeing was his first time looking at it in person. The organ system was very complex and Mik took samples from each before removing each one for further scanning and analysis. He found the glands he was looking for and set those aside. As they worked up, Lea pointed out a tattoo behind the human's ear and Mik took a scan to show Tallest Red as it didn't look like it was done on Earth.

She listened and observed carefully as they proceeded. The organs were all odd, but especially the blood, which was _red_ and smelled _metallic._ “Are they cyborgs too?” she couldn't help asking at one point. 

“No,” Mik said as he started on the skull. “But their blood has a high iron content, hence the smell. They need more protein in their diet as well. I believe Lilith can eat like that, but her body is more Irken and doesn’t need protein as long as she has access to carbs and sugars.”

Lea couldn't hold back her frown. “It stinks,” she said. “Was it dead long? It doesn't _look_ like it’s rotting.” Then, because there were 3 blue marks, she reached out to feel the human’s neck. “Broken.” After that, she drew her hands back to allow Mik to proceed in peace.

“Zim often commented how he found humans smelly,” Mik nodded. “And Tallest Red had the body preserved.” He paused; then to Lea’s comment about the neck, nodded. “I believe Tallest Purple did that. Tallest Red said he snapped the neck, which is how the brain communicates with the body.”

At the mention that Purple had done it, Lea couldn't help grinning behind her collar. “Knew he had it in him,” she said aloud. “Now if only Purple had the confidence in himself.”

“It will be interesting to further analyze the hormones and chemicals of the brain as humans are very aggressive and are constantly in a mating cycle.” Mik paused. “Dib-human—a very intelligent specimen for his species—said humans were interested in three things: drugs, sex, and rolling rocks. They are driven by a need to find a mate, and easily succumb to addictions and will even destroy their family units to feed that addiction. And, well, I never understood what he meant about rolling rocks, but that it involved a cultural aspect of human life.”

She had no idea about rolling rocks either. It sounded like a slang thing to her, but could mean anything. But back to its brain and analysing it, Lea had a question. “How about stimulating it to see what happens before we cut it apart. If it’s in as good of a condition as you say, we should be able to send impulses and see how it reacts.”

“That is a good idea.” Mik nodded. “Highlighting the different areas and documenting and the reactions would be helpful. It might even produce chemicals and hormones that we could document,” Mik agreed. 

“Yes, exactly what I was thinking,” Lea said in regards to Mik’s clarification. 

Using the advanced technology available to the Massive, Mik began the process of manually stimulating the human’s brain. They took small samples and watched the monitors for each area pointing out reactions of interest. One factor that was surprising was that the human had an aggressive center that reacted nearly identical to an Irken’s. The action center of the brain was also similar and there were traces of adrenaline that were found upon stimulation. This relieved Mik in thinking that adrenaline might be more compatible with Irken bodies if they could figure out how to get it to stimulate the biological reactions they wanted. They needed it to work like it did for Lilith, in stimulating her energy burning and metabolism as opposed to further stimulating the aggressive center of the brain.

“Interesting,” Lea said at their findings. She was really into this. “Now… what happens if we mix the three? Irken, human, human adrenaline, and the drug.” She paused. “Well, maybe. You know what I mean? We need Irken cells from this universe though, not yours, I think.”

“We do have the other body,” Mik said. “We can stimulate the other intruder that Tallest Purple killed and manually stimulate the brain with the drug and then add adrenaline and see what happens. We can see if there is another agent we need to add to make sure that the adrenaline goes into lessening the response and not enhancing it. I imagine adding adrenaline to the brain with the drug might have adverse effects,” Mik said, then paused. “But if we apply the adrenaline, not to the aggressive center, but the base function area that controls body functions, it might boost Irken energy burning and consumption,” he hypothesized.

Lea turned to Mik and grinned behind her collar. “Then let’s do that,” she said. “Didn't know we had an Irk-- Oh! We have the Irken Purple mentioned.” She wasn't supposed to say it, but Purple had cried to her about it. “Mik… he knew Purple had been a Trophy and wanted to force him to mate.” There was a practical reason for confiding in Mik. “There may be some mating hormones in his body still, or his brain. Maybe he was cycling.” She had no idea, but there were possibilities. “Computer, replay what happened to Purple for Mik.”

_”I can't. I only have audio and I couldn't translate it all.”_

“Then play the audio,” she demanded.

_”You don’t have the authorisation to-”_

“Computer, need I remind you that I am given any authority needed to ensure the safety of Purple and his smeet - and also Lilith? And Mik shares my rank. If you don't believe me, play back Red’s original orders when he appointed me Head Medical Drone.”

_”Yes. Playing it back._ ” It replayed all the audio from the scene. _”I cannot translate the language, but Lilith understood it._ ”

As the computer played back the audio, Mik translated for them the parts in English as he knew the language. Mik paused as the audio stopped. “I think Tallest Red would like a translated version as well.”

Lea slammed her fist down on the table. “Plookesians!” she snapped, then walked away from the table to furiously pace as she thought. “Why would they help someone against the Irken Empire?!” She continued to pace. “They don't get involved in anything!” She turned back to Mik. “Ever. They’re powerful, they have lots of technology, but they don't involve themselves in anything…” She slowed down and walked back up to the table. She looked the alien over again. “Why would they have a human?” She looked at the symbol behind his ear again. “I don't recognise this. It could be Plookesian, but I… don't know.” She finally calmed fully down and looked at Mik. “Yes, we must show him. It’s punishable to sexually approach the Tallest Consort… I know that Irken law makes it punishable by death. - Not sure there is a law for trying to kill a Tallest smeet, but...”

“But whoever is working with them, Tallest Red now has proof of their involvement. They might have been using English so even if they were recorded, the Empire would not understand. However, I can act as a translator and they can see through my PAK memory that I am not mistranslating either. Lilith could also serve as a witness,” Mik said. “I do not know why Plookesians would get involved, but this is grounds for War against them. Since they are clearly not just selling weapons but are directly involved as well.”

“And of course Vort wouldn't know about it because we’re allied with the Irken Empire! Even though we always got along well with the Plookesians,” she said. “That is, we had little to do with each other, but the few encounters were… more or less pleasant.” The only intonation meant was that it was neutral, civil. “But, yes, this is important info for both Irkens and Vortians,” she said.

“I wonder if something similar happened in my universe,” Mik mused. “It would make sense for Irk to go against the treaty and attack Vort if they suspected a Plookesian-Vortian alliance and uncovered a similar plot. Well, not to a Tallest Consort, but perhaps to a Tallest themselves.”

Lea sighed because she couldn't fault the Irkens in such a case. Not honestly. She could still be furious with them, but… that was a legit betrayal of the alliance. She lowered her head. “That would be fair.” Then she raised her head. “But Vortians don't do that. We don't go back on our word. We never have. We have always honoured the alliance.” But she knew corrupt individuals existed everywhere.

Mik nodded. “That applies to what I know of Vortians as well. But if the Plookesians went against the Empire and were allies with Vort... it would be enough of an excuse to take over the technology rich Vort even if they themselves were not involved,” he stated. “In any case, Tallest Red needs to be aware of this information. However, we should finish our research first. We can have the second body prepped while I synthesize adrenaline from the human’s gland. Then we can introduce it to Irken cells to see what happens.”

“Yes,” she admitted. “And we would be obliged to accept it. Unless we could prove our innocence, we have to submit. Vortian honour,” she explained. Then she shook her head. “Yes, let's finish this.”

At Lea’s agreement, Mik took the gland and chemical samples from the human body over to the medical computers where the substances could be further analyzed. He also had the computer send a message to prep the other Irken body. 

Thanks to the adrenal gland, Mik was able to successfully reproduce the chemical adrenaline. “Let’s see if we can replicate the desired effect.” With the technology they had, he was able to stimulate the dead Irken brain enough so that he could inject the drug and see the aggressive area light up. “Now let’s see what happens if we stimulate the brain with adrenaline,” he said and added the chemical. Almost instantly they saw a decrease in stimulation. “Hmmm.” 

“You say that this drug for Vortians is a relaxant? While for Irkens it is a stimulant. And it seemed while adrenaline is a stimulant in humans, it counters the effects and calms the Irken cells instead,” Mik said. “I believe we found the answer to Tallest Red’s problem.”

Lea agreed. “Yes!” she exclaimed. “Er, not that I care about Irkens, of course,” she said, chucking. Then winked. “These are good results.”

“They are good, Tallest Red will be pleased,” Mik said. “Let’s finish taking any samples we need and clean up.”

Lea nodded and helped him where she could, making herself particularly useful with the cleanup since she had plenty of experience. Afterwards, she changed out of the coat and back into her usual clothes. She smiled at Mik. “Say, we make a pretty good team, don't you think?”

“Yes,” Mik nodded, smiling behind his collar. “That is a very accurate description. I have never worked with anyone as intelligent, insightful, and pleasing to work with,” he said.

“Aww, now you're makin’ me blush,” she drawled playfully, then sobered a little bit. “And I feel the same about you. Usually I prefer to work alone, unless it’ necessary to do otherwise, because other people just get in the way; but you are surprisingly pleasant to work with.” Then she gently nudged his arm. “Or I’m just in love with ya,” she added with a wink. “Nah, not just that. You know your field, you aren't trying to boast or make yourself look better in my eyes by jumping to poorly reasoned conclusions - it happens, even in my field,” she said, sighing, then perked back up. “You have real honest-to-goodness knowledge and experience and that is refreshing.”

“Oh,” Mik said, a warm flush rising to his cheeks and his mind was not supplying him with anything intelligent to respond with. “T-thank you,” he finally managed and, because he felt an odd need to reaffirm himself of her presence, he gently took her hand. “Let’s return to the medbay and tell Tallest Red of our findings and… if you are not opposed, I would prefer to stay like this until we arrive there.”

Lea grinned and leaned against him so their shoulders touched for a moment. “I don't mind at all.” She squeezed his hand warmly. “Quite the opposite, in fact. Actually,” she began in a notably personal tone. “I don't even mind if the whole population of the Massive sees us like this.”

Mik looked at their entwined fingers. “The more interactions I have with Tallest Red, the more I find him to be a personable and reasonable Tallest. I find that the likelihood of you remaining here or myself being allowed to return to Vort with you becomes greater. As this chance increases, I too wish to inform others that we are potential bonding partners.”

Lea smiled at his words, but it turned wistful, even a slight sadness to it if one were familiar enough with her to notice. “Would you… really consider going to Vort with me? I mean, _this_ is your home and where you belong, isn't it?” She gestured with her free hand towards the ceiling to indicate the Massive. “Because I… I don't belong here. I’m a doctor, not a soldier of war or even an explorer. After the smeet’s born, I won't be needed here anymore, but I wouldn't want you to do something that makes you miserable.”

Mik shook his head. “The Massive was—is—only a temporary station for me. My permanent station is on Irk overseeing the education, health, and development of the natural born smeets, as no such program exists here. After the Tallest smeet is born, I will have no need to be stationed here. Any assistance I could offer the new Tallest smeet can be done through periodic check-ins. My daily presence would not be necessary. However, if you would allow, I would be thankful at the opportunity to study Vort’s methods in smeeting care.”

That all did, in fact, make sense to her. Then he wasn't attached to some place. “It’s the same for me. Once I’m satisfied the smeet is healthy and that the new parents are capable of keeping it alive, all follow-up can be handled over calls and reports or, if they really need me, they know where to find me.” Then she stopped in her tracks and turned to Mik. “Why, Mik, are you asking to be my assistant in caring for pregnant Vortians?”

Mik nodded. “If you think I would be useful to you.”

“Let me ask the boss,” she said, and looked away a moment, then back to Mik. “She said ‘yes’.” Lea winked playfully.

Mik looked in the direction she did but saw no one. If she had a PAK, he would have thought she was communicating with another. “Oh. Well, yes. Good, thank you,” he said, happy but confused.

“Thought that might throw you off, forgive me for the little joke.” She squeezed, then brushed his hand with her thumb affectionately. “I’m the boss, my dear Mik, and I would be delighted to take you on as my assistant.”

“Ah, I see. I was worried that you had telepathic communication abilities like the Meekrob. I would have been disappointed in my lack of knowledge on Vortians and their abilities, if that were true,” Mik said, squeezing her hand to let her know he forgave her.

Lea chuckled softly. “It’s a dream of most kids, but sadly isn't a fact,” she said, and affectionately brushed up against him again. “If you do come with me to Vort, I’ll enjoy showing you everything. And I think my clients would love you. Sometimes expecting fathers just don't seem to know what to do with themselves while their wives are getting their check ups - or in labour,” she explained. “I think they would appreciate having another male around.”

“Yes, I can do that,” Mik said, pleased that she would have a job that he could assist in. “But we should wait to bring this up with Tallest Red until after their smeet is born and stabilized.” 

“Of course,” Lea agreed. That was definitely prudent. “It would also be nice to have someone who can do testing in the lab so I didn't have to bring samples to the labs.” She smiled at the thought and then decided to add, “And it would be nice to have someone to keep me company in my free time… if you wouldn't mind doing that too, of course.”

“Would like that last job the most, I think,” Mik said. “Though doing the testing you need would be a welcome task as well.”

Hand-in-hand, they made their way back to the medbay. While he knew his weight had not changed, Mik couldn’t help but feel that he was experiencing less gravity. Perhaps there was a slight fluctuation in the Massive’s gravity, but it wasn’t enough to cause any inconveniences so Mik decided not to bring it up when they returned.

Lea allowed herself the smile as his words warmed her heart like her favourite blanket. "Me too," she said softly. To have Mik with her on Vort? That would be a dream. That he _wanted_ to as well was even better. She squeezed his hand affectionately.

Entering the medbay the two medics went over to see how their patents were doing. Lilith was still unconscious in Purple‘s arms. “My Tallest, how are you feeling?”

Purple gently brushed over Red’s antennae. “His PAK forced him into sleep mode after you left,” he said, then he nodded to Lilith. “She’s slept the whole time too.”

“They both need the rest,” Mik said. “How are you feeling?”

Purple shrugged. “Better than before. These PAK IV’s seem to help a lot,” he said. “And… you? Any luck with the body?”

“Yes!” Mik nodded. “We had very favorable results. We were able to harvest the organ in the human body that makes adrenaline and when introduced to Irken cells that were stimulated with the drug, it negated the effects,” he said excitedly. “Effectively, we now have a counter drug for the Wor Hol drug. And we also discovered some information from the translated audio from the intruders that Tallest Red should be informed of when he wakes. It seems that the Plookesians are actively helping traitorous Irkens.”

Purple’s mouth fell open. “The _Plookesians_ are doing that??” That was shocking news. “I thought, while we weren't allies, we weren't _enemies_ with the Plookesians either.” Red would indeed have to know about that. “And you could translate it? Lilith understood it, but I couldn't. I’m certain it wasn't Plookesian though.”

“No, it was English, one of the languages of Earth and one spoken in the area where Lilith’s non-Irken parent came from, and where the other intruder came from as well. A language that I have downloaded into my translator,” Mik said, then paused before adding. “It was revealed in their conversation that their plan was to commit sexual violence against you and then murder you and Lilith. You chose the correct course of action by fighting back and killing them. Their goal was to cause as much emotional distress to Tallest Red as possible in order to remove him of his title,” he explained. “And it seems that this was not a random act, but one well planned out and in collaboration with other traitorous Irkens.”

At the mention of sexual violence, Purple looked sharply away, wincing, and his antennae fell to lay flat against his head. “He… he wanted me to… remove my clothes. I… I knew what he wanted to do to me, but I’m _Red's_ and I can't… I-I won't.” At the affirmation that he'd done the right thing, Purple looked back to Mik. “It would have been Red’s right to kill him, but.. I didn't have a choice.” 

Mik quirked an antennae at Purple’s choice of words, “Yes, should anything happen to you or threats made, it would be in Tallest Red’s rights to kill them. However, my Tallest, I believe your right is the greater claim. If anyone should threaten you, not to mention acting on such threats, it is your right to kill them as well. And since that Irken also has traitorous intentions towards Tallest Red and you, you were acting on behalf of the Empire as well in ending his life,” he said, very firm in that belief. 

Purple sighed at Mik’s words, but added, “Thank you.” He meant that too, for he was unused to having anyone but Red (and Lea) validate him. Purple swallowed, and cuddled Lilith to his chest. “Do… you think there are more on board the Massive?”

As to that question, Mik shook his head, uncertain of that answer. “Most of the Irken’s PAK was intact, a slight bottom section was damaged, but I believe the PAK data is still intact. However, I have no authority to access such. If there is more information there about the traitors, Tallest Red or the Control Brains could be able to extract it.”

Purple nodded. “Yeah, I think only Red can do that. Did you bring the PAK?”

Mik shook his head. “I don’t think I would be able to remove it, but...” He trailed off. “That is a good idea. If there are others onboard, they might try to sabotage it. I will go retrieve it by any means necessary.” Turning to Lea, Mik said, “If Tallest Red wakes before I return, you should inform him of the discovery we found.”

Lea nodded. “Will do,” she said. “Be careful, Mik, in case there are more.”

“I will use caution,” Mik promised.

“I think… Hmm…” Purple had no idea, for only the Tallest or a Control Brain could command a PAK to release its host as far as he knew. “No, I have no ideas. I don't think I have the authority. - Computer?”

” _Only the current acting Tallest or a Control Brain can order the PAK to do anything. However, I contain detailed information that would be of use in the medical removal of a PAK._ ”

Mik nodded. “Oh, that would work and be much more efficient. I was just going to cut off the section of the body that the PAK was attached to and bring it here.”

_”Shall I download the knowledge to your PAK or verbally instruct you?”_ the computer asked, dropping a cable from the ceiling in case.

“Yes, the downloaded knowledge would be the best option.” Mik opened a port in his PAK for the computer to connect to.

The cable plugged in and downloaded the packet of information to Mik’s PAK. It showed a detailed schematic of exactly how the PAK’s attached. _”Just remove the connector ports from the host body. This will trigger a PAK’s self-preservation and it will withdraw,”_ it said, once it had disconnected and the cable retreated into the ceiling. _”This information is only available to Head Medical Drones or Ascending and active Tallests to prevent it from happening during an emotional confrontation.”_

“Yes, that makes sense,” Mik said. “Then I will go retrieve the PAK,” he said and left the medbay. 


	34. Translation Please

Mik walked briskly and soon arrived at the medical bay were he and Lea had done the autopsy and dissection. Upon entering the lab where they left the body, Mik found two medics working on removing the PAK from the irken body. “What are you doing?” he asked in confusion.

One turned to Mik as the other continued with the removal. “We’re following orders to remove the PAK and bring it somewhere secure. From Tallest Red, of course,” he said.

“I see,” Mik said slowly. “Computer, what is the punishment for fabricating a Tallest Order?”

” _I believe the last time such a thing was done, the then current Tallest’s orders were to, and I quote, ‘rip out their miserable, smelly, lying tongues and make them eat them!’,”_ it answered. _”As Irken tongues grow back, the order was repeated until they attempted to remove their own PAK’s, which they were not allowed to do.”_

Mik nodded casually then glared at the two medics. "As I have come to retrieve this PAK per Tallest Purple's request and bring it to Tallest Red, whom is currently napping in the Tallest Medbay, I can then assume that the two medics here have just committed such a crime. I will inform Tallest Purple to come witness their tongue consumption then," Mik said, opening his PAK to pull out a communicator.

Mik now had both their attentions and they gulped. “S-Sir, please! W-we were just following orders!” said one as he dropped the PAK onto the table.

The other added, “Y-yes! A t-taller said it was an order from Tallest Red himself!”

“P-please don't take our tongues!”

Mik narrowed his eyes at them, but it was a very logical conclusion. They were short medics like himself and if a Taller did come and order them, then they would have no reason to question his orders. "Computer, can you confirm this? That another Taller entered and ordered such a thing? Can you confirm who this Taller is?"

It took a short while, then the computer said, _”I cannot affirm this. I seem to have files I cannot access. I can neither confirm nor deny their claim, Sir.”_

"Then, I believe the best option is to have them detained until such claims can be confirmed. If they are telling the truth, a simple PAK check from Tallest Red would be able to confirm their story. Of course, if they cooperate, they would be helping the Tallest find a traitorous Taller who dared _Lie_ and make orders in the Tallest's name. Such cooperation might be rewarded instead of punished. Is this conclusion logical, Computer?"

_”Implicitly, Head Medic Mik_ ,” it answered.

Both had listened to Mik and the computer, hanging onto every word as though it was their only lifeline (which it was).

“Yes! We’ll c-cooperate!” both cried in unison, their voices desperate.

"Then you will hand me that PAK and follow me to the Tallest medbay, _immediately_ ," Mik said, leaving no room for any other option if they wanted to keep their tongues and their lives intact.

“Yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir! You won't regret this, Sir!” one cried. He waited a bit expectantly, then elbowed his colleague sharply. “You heard him!”

That kicked the other into gear and he picked up the PAK, then approached Mik while holding the PAK out. “Here, Sir.”

Mik took the PAK. "Follow me." He turned and said up to the computer loud enough for the two to hear, "If those two do not follow or try to flee, I think Tallest Red would find it acceptable for you to incapacitate them and drag their unconscious and uncooperative bodies to Tallest Purple’s merciless feet. I'm sure he would enjoy punishing them on Tallest Red's behalf," he finished, and left with the PAK, knowing the two would be coming to the medbay one way or the other.

” _Yes, Head Medic Mik,_ ” it answered.

As stunning cables lowered from the ceiling, the two jump-started for Mik, stumbling over each other in their hurry to show they would be fully obedient. Mik then led the way back to the medbay and entered with the PAK and the two terrified medics in tow. 

"Tallest Purple, has Tallest Red woken yet?" Mik asked, his tone respectful but tight.

Purple looked down at his mate, then back to Mik and shook his head. “I don't think so, but I think it should be soon.” His forced sleep modes only seemed to last two hours as far as Purple could recall.

Lea caught the tone, however, and looked at the terrified medics. Two useless idiots she had made sure to kick out of her medbay as soon as she’d arrived.

"Computer, I think the situation calls for Tallest Red’s immediate counsel. Hopefully the information these two possess will justify waking him early," Mik said, waiting for the computer to send a signal to his PAK. "If not, I hope that Tallest Purple will not be too upset that we disturbed his mate's rest needlessly."

The computer extended a cable and connected to Red’s PAK. A moment later, the ruler groaned and yawned. After a moment, he pushed himself up to a sitting position and, blinking away the sleep, noticed the two medics and Mik with an Irkenless PAK. 

"My Tallest, there is a supposed Taller going around fabricating orders in your name," Mik said without preamble.

Red’s eyes narrowed as they flitted over the three small medics. “Who?” he asked, his tone serious. For it clearly couldn't be anyone in the room then. “Where are they?”

"These two were given orders from a Taller, in your name, to remove a PAK that could have information on a potential mutiny," Mik said, to both let Red and the two behind him know how important this was, and how deadly it would be for them should they not give any and all information they had. "For some reason the computer is unable to confirm or deny their claim. So I brought them here for you to personally assess their memories."

Red’s expression turned into an ever-increasing glare as Mik spoke. He got down from the table and approached the two positively shaking medics. “Yes, very good,” he said to Mik. “Computer, why can't you affirm?”

_”I cannot access anything from the time they came on duty until they entered the chamber with the bodies.”_

“Well,” Red began. “Then let’s get on with it.” He motioned for them to turn around, which both did. Then a cable came out of his PAK and connected to one, the Irken immediately became paralised, he didn't even blink. After a couple moments, the cable retreated and the Irken was once again in command of himself and he did the same with the other.

When he withdrew, he glared at them. “You two are very lucky you were telling the truth, otherwise…” he let the sentence hang and they gulped. “Computer, locate Ved.”

_”Unable to comply, my Tallest. There is a scrambling field of plookesian design preventing me from IDing his PAK.”_

"My Tallest, we have audio proof of Irken and plookesian collaboration that intended to assult and murder Tallest Purple in order to cripple you and usurp your title to install another unknown Taller as Tallest," Mik said. "The confession was spoken in a language unknown to this section of the universe, however, my PAK happens to be fluent in this language; English, a common language of the planet Earth."

Red’s eyes widened with the new revelation. “That hyooman Purple killed?” he guessed. He eyed the PAK Mik was holding. “And what is that?”

"The PAK of the Irken that Tallest Purple also killed. He was the one that spoke to the human and also said in English that he was conspiring against you. It also did not sound like he was acting alone. The computer now has a translated audio file, if you wish to review it. We thought the information on the traitor's PAK may be accessible to you, and it seemed we were not the only ones to think this way as clearly someone moved to dispose of the evidence." Mik held out the PAK to Red.

“Yes, I would like to hear it,” he said. Using a PAK leg, Red took the PAK from Mik. His mind was finally beginning to awaken fully and he examined it. “But first, those two are dismissed.” To them, he said, “You will be relieved from duty for now and confined to your quarters until further notice. Guards will escort you there. It’s not a punishment, it’s for your own safety.”

Once they were gone, Red sat down on the table beside Purple. “Plookesians and hyoomans aiding in a mutiny,” he said, as he worked to puzzle it out. “I really can't take this as anything but a provocation to war which is not typical for plookesians at all.”

Mik thought a moment and then glanced at Lea before looking back. "My Tallest, may I make a bold observation? It is highly speculative in nature."

Red looked to Mik and nodded. “Go ahead.” Right now, he could use anything.

“If...if these traitorous Irkens are successful in killing Tallest Purple, removing you from power, and placing a new Tallest in charge… if it was revealed that plookesians, allies of Vort, were involved in killing Tallest Purple... then it would be easy to pin the act on Vort. This would give the new Tallest a way to solidify their rule by taking over the resource rich planet,” Mik said slowly.

“That… is a very likely conclusion. Even _I_ would be compelled to do that if I had reason to believe such a thing was happening.” He looked at Lea. “It would be unfortunate for Vort.”

Lea nodded in agreement. “It would be a violation of the alliance on our part if we were involved in such an act,” she explained. “Unless we could prove our innocence.”

“Which would be hard, wouldn't it?”

“If they’re successful,” she agreed. “I’m sure my unexpected presence here could be construed as evidence.”

“Yes…” Red trailed off as he fell into thought.

“But she’s just here to help me with smeeting,” Purple protested, but Red made a dismissive gesture with his wounded hand.

“Lucky opportunity,” Red muttered. “Would've been too convenient to pass up.” He looked at Mik. “Wouldn't you say?”

Mik nodded slowly. “Such a thing may have happened in my universe as Irk went against the treaty and attacked Vort. However I do not know why as I was not a Head Medic at the time.”

Red blinked at that revelation and looked back and forth between Mik and Lea. “Wait, time out. You're saying you conquered your girlfriend’s planet in your universe?” After only a beat, Red busted up laughing. “Oh, isn't that beautiful!” Red turned to Purple, giving him a playful nudge. “And you thought _I_ was bad!”

“Huh? When did I ever say that?”

“Shhhh, don't ruin the moment,” Red said as he eyed the two medics.

“I have informed Lea of this already,” Mik nodded facing her. “Which is why working with such a brilliant medic is an amazing opportunity for myself and a way to gain knowledge I never would have had available to me.”

“And he says it like it’s nothing!” Red laughed, nudging Purple again, who frowned at him. 

“Well, Lea doesn't seem too upset,” Purple pointed out. “And stop doing that!” He shoved Red’s arm away with his free hand. “The smeet doesn't like it!”

“True…” Red said suspiciously as he eyed Lea. “Do I sense a secret little ‘master-slave’ fetish in our sharp-tongued midwife?”

“I’ll let that thought keep you up at night, your heinous,” Lea replied in a sugary tone and matching smile.

“Fetish?” Mik repeated the unknown word. “I am unfamiliar with the term,” he said, looking to Tallest Red for an explanation.

Red promptly stopped his snickering and blinked at Mik, then to Lea, “Oh, you’ve really got your work cut out for you.” Then he snickered and turned back to Mik. “No, really, you're almost as bad as Purple was.”

“Hey!” Purple cried, insulted. “I… _knew_ what ‘fetish’ means.” He sniffed, his cheeks heating up. “I just never used the word before.”

A huge smirk broke out on Red’s face, which he masked after a moment in favour of a cool one. “Well, then do YOU want to do the honours and clarify the meaning of the word ‘fetish’, for our medical friend?” he asked sweetly. “Because you're so good with words, you can surely explain better than me, wouldn't you say, Sunshine?”

Purple blushed a little at the flattery. “Yeah, you are really _bad_ at that.”

“Yes,” Red agreed. “I’d probably just confuse him more.”

“Yeah, you're right.”

“So, you’ll do it?”

“Sure,” Purple answered readily and turned to Mik. “Mik, a fetish is-” he froze as he suddenly realised what he had agreed to and mortification fell over him. “Oh…”

“Come on, Sunshine,” Red encouraged. “He’s waiting.”

Purple looked worriedly to Red. “I can't actually _say_ that, can I?”

“You said you would,” Red answered, shrugging.

“Oh…” He gulped and looked to Mik again. “It’s, uh… a fetish is…” He paused and consulted his PAK for the most literal definition he’d learned, as that was easier to say. “A fetish is any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.”

_”What?_ ” Red asked, frowning at him in disbelief.

“Oh, I see,” Mik said nodding. “Then there is nothing Lea and I have done that would qualify as a fetish, since our acts focused on the mating organs. Oh!” Mik said, sliding to an image on his reader of the various PAK extensions. “Would a habitual use of these qualify? These are used quite frequently in my universe as it is considered good mating practices to stimulate all of a partner’s sexual organs during a mating. So these can be used on a giving partner by the receiving partner if the giving partner also has female internal organs.” He looked between the two Tallest, then turned to Purple. “Since you are the receiving partner, would you like one for Tallest Red’s internal stimulation?”

Red gaped, his horror increasing with each word that came out of the well-meaning medic’s mouth.

For his part, Purple looked equally mortified and blushing furiously when Mik revealed the things he and Lea had done, thus confirming that the two medics had a relationship. However, he also had the smallest hint of curiosity in his eyes, for the former Trophy had never seen such things sans an annoying ‘tickler’ Red had tried to use on him.

“Yes, your ruler-ship, wouldn't you like Purple to use one of these on you?” Lea jumped on the moment and looked at the images, then reached out and tapped one to expand it on the screen to show to Red. “I’ll bet this one would be interesting.”

“Oh, yes,” Mik nodded. “This one is very flexible and attached to a PAK tendril allows you to have complete control over the wiggling movements. The several bristles on the tip of the extension are soft and flexible as well and allow for peak internal stimulation,” he said, then looked up at Purple. “Would you like me to have one made for you to use? Or my Tallest,” h said to Red. “If that one does not look like you would enjoy it internally, I have several other models. Oh! I would like to add the various male organs that are available in this universe to be used as PAK extensions. Of course any feedback you wish to share can help in their development. Ah!” Mik exclaimed as he was reminded of something. “I forgot to ask Stink how his experience was when using the extensions.”

Red worked his jaw, opening and closing his mouth, then shut his eyes, swallowed, opened them. “I… am not interested.” Then he turned to Purple. “Congratulations, this is your first job as Ascending Tallest.”

“Huh?”

“ _You_ get to decide what he does with… all that.”

_”Huh?”_ Purple said, now frowning at Red.

Red leaned in and whispered, “Just humour him, have him make them for, I dunno, everyone _else_ , otherwise he’ll never let this go.”

“And what makes you think _I’m_ the one for this?”

“Because you said you’d do the jobs _I_ don't want to do,” Red answered without missing a beat. “And I don't want to deal with _this._ "

“I thought you meant _candy flavours!_ ” Purple protested.

“Then pretend they’re candy-flavoured!” Red cried.

Having been focused on the reader, he missed their banter. “My Tallest?” Mik looked up when he didn’t hear which ones Tallest Purple wanted.

Lea leaned in. “I believe Red said he wants candy-flavoured ones.” She winked at Purple.

“I did _not_ say that!” Red protested.

“You know, if he doesn't like any of these, you do happen to already have all the measurements of a Baseling, don't you?” Lea asked Mik.

“Oh, flavored ones, excellent idea my Tallest, for oral stimulation,” Mik said, then at Lea’s comment his eyes lit up. “Oh, yes I do,” he said, looking at Red. “Would you prefer your own measurements then?”

“Wha- _no!_ ” Red cried. “I most certainly do not want-”

“He has your measurements?” Purple cut him off. “What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

Red groaned. “For the barrier,” he muttered through grit teeth. “Because it had to fit _me_.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess it would be important that it fits right,” Purple said thoughtfully.

“Ya think?”

“Anyway, I don't want this job!” Purple decided. “Get someone else.”

“Like who?”

“I don't know. Someone who’d _like_ doing that stuff.” Purple thought for a second. “And someone who, I dunno, has a lot of sex?” Though Purple couldn't think of anyone. “Someone who is _not_ me,” he added quickly.

“The only person that comes to mind is St-” Red raised his head and grinned. “Of course! Stink! - Mik, didn't you just say Stink was helping you test those things? I’m going to direct you to him for future mating aid decisions.”

“Excellent idea, My Tallest, I think Stink would be helpful as he already offered to test previous ones,” Mik agreed. “Oh, and don’t worry, My Tallest, I won’t use your measurements for any mating attachment,” he added, then looked to the PAK in Red’s lap. “But perhaps we should discuss how to find this Ved first before I contact Stink. In any case, Stink is recovering in his room until tomorrow,” he said.

“That’s good,” Red agreed firmly about not using his measurements. Then he groaned and looked at the PAK in his hands as though noticing it for the first time. “Oh, I forgot!” he snapped, then held the PAK up. “I guess the first thing to do is for me to access this and see what this guy knew.”

“I also scanned a symbol we found on the human’s neck. It is unfamiliar to me, but maybe you know what it means?” Mik asked, finding the image on his reader and showing it to Red.

Red got down from the table, setting the PAK down beside Purple, and went over to Mik to take a look. “Oh. That’s an old plookesian tag. It means they consider this person their… well, ‘family’ is the closest translation, but it doesn't have anything to do with blood relations like it does with the Vortians, and it declares the bearer a plookesian citizen,” Red explained. “Each ‘family’ has their own symbol.”

“Well, with this, we know which plookesians were involved. I believe the name Moochy was mentioned by the human in the audio recording,” Mik said.

Red nodded. “Mooshy,” he corrected. “He flies around with his navigator doing… whatever it is plookesians do.” He shrugged. “They usually stay far out of Irken territory. Apparently their hyooman does not.”

"Do you think they are involved in the mutiny then?" Mik asked. "Perhaps they are not so far away as they usually are?"

“Plookesians will do business with basically everyone,” Red said. “It’s why we don't bother with them. They would give our secrets to anyone who asks.” He walked back over to the table and picked up the PAK. “Anyway, let's see what the traitor knows.” He sat down and a cable came out of his PAK and connected.

While Red connected to the PAK, Mik approached Purple. "Would you like another IV, or shall I remove yours?" he asked, as he scanned Lilith in Purple's arms. "She's doing well. Her body is taking to the IV's, but it looks like she needs another one," he said, disconnecting the IV to prepare a new one.

Purple shrugged as he caressed Lilith’s head. “Do I need one?”

Mik checked his scanner. "No, it's not necessary, but I think you would benefit from eating or drinking something. I can get you some ginger ale if you like.”

Purple nodded. “Ok, ginger ale sounds good.”

“Lea," Mik turned to her. "Did you want to do an examination?"

Lea nodded. “I suppose I should see how the little one is doing after all that excitement,” she said warmly and went to Purple. “You’ll have to put her down, though. - Just on the table, you can lay next to her.”

Purple did as he was told and pulled his gown up to reveal his abdomen, and Lea hopped up. She placed her hands on Purple and gently pressed as she felt around. She smiled at Purple.

“Your uterus is calmer than it usually is, Sugarplum,” she announced. “I would recommend one more IV, though.” She continued feeling. “Tell me, do you feel anything?”

“Your hands,” Purple said, not understanding what she meant.

“That’s fortunate,” Lea said, chuckling. “But I mean fluttering. Have you felt anything that feels like fluttering?”

Purple shrugged. “I dunno.”

Lea pressed harder in a specific spot.

“Ow!” Purple cried. “I felt that!”

“I’m sorry,” Lea said. “I should have warned you.” To Mik she said, “Don't worry, I just startled him.” Then back to Purple, ”Close your eyes and focus where I’m pressing.”

Again Purple did as he was told.

“Just focus for a moment,” Lea instructed. “It might take a minute.”

Meanwhile, Red closed his eyes as it was going to take more focus to sort through the information and get what he wanted.

Mik nodded and went to get some ginger ale from the office for Purple. Returning with a cup and straw, he set the soda next to a hovering stand so Purple could have it when Lea was finished. As she pressed and examined him, Mik changed out the IV. "If Lea is suggesting it, then I believe that is the correct course," he explained. 

As Mik stepped back, for a brief moment he felt an odd flicker from his PAK, but it was gone too quickly for him to process what it was and after the ordeal of the day, it could have been his PAK settling down so he paid it no further mind.

Lea moved her hand slightly to another spot and Purple gasped. “Feel something now?” Lea asked.

“Yeah,” Purple said as he felt just the tiniest of… _something_ he couldn't describe except that it was as though his tummy was pushing back against Lea’s hand. “What was that? Was that my… smeet?”

Lea giggled softly. “That’s right, Sugarplum. She’s an active little one, but she’s moved away again.”

She withdrew her hand and Purple couldn't feel anything anymore. He placed his hand over his tummy and pressed, but Lea stopped him.

“Not too hard. But I don't think you will find her anymore.” She placed her hand and searched, then shook her head. “I think she’s tired of being poked.” She winked.

“Pity,” Red said, having just emerged from the PAK meld. “I’d have liked to feel.”

“Next time,” Lea said softly.

“I’ll give you my PAK memory,” Purple said.

Mik watched a bit wistfully. "I tried that once. Tallest Purple flung me across the medbay so hard it broke my spine and it took several days to heal before I could return to my duties.” 

Lea winced at Mik’s words. “Harsh. You weren't gentle then, were you?”

"I do not remember," Mik admitted. "It happened fairly quickly. And Tallest Purple didn't like much of anyone around him by that point." 

“Oof,” Lea said softly. “Some women don't like it, so add an aggressive Irken to the mix, that wouldn't surprise me.”

Mik nodded, he understood that now, then turned to Red. "Was the PAK memory helpful?"

Red sighed. “Everything tagged as relevant is in a language neither I nor my translators know. He even _thinks_ in that language. But I got his PAK ID.”

Mik tilted his head. "My Tallest, it wouldn't happen to sound like this: _did the words he spoke sound like this?_ " he said the last in English.

Red compared it to the memory, then nodded. “Yeah, exactly like that. You speak it?”

"Yes, that is a common language on Earth: English. It's the one Lilith's non-Irken parent speaks, and Lilith as well. I have that language downloaded into my translator. If you accessed my PAK would you be able to download it yourself?" Mik asked. "I imagine that the hidden enemy did not suspect there would be another who spoke English this far away."

Red nodded. “Since we don't even know about the existence of humans - _officially_ \- that’s a logical thought.” Then he considered the offer. “Well, I’ve never done that before, but I suppose it would be the same as downloading a language from the computer. - Would you willingly permit me?”

“Of course, My Tallest, a direct download would be the most efficient way,” Mik said, opening his PAK for Red to connect to.

Red nodded and knelt down on one knee before Mik, then the cable snaked out and he connected. Within a moment, the PAK gave Red full access.

’ _Hi, Mik,_ ’ he sent to Mik.

He sought out the files Mik had tagged, and copied them over. A moment later, he withdrew and closed the connection. As Mik recovered, being given control of his body again, Red went over the language and began comparing it with the stuff from the dead Irken’s PAK memories.

“That felt similar to a Control Brain connection, but less painful,” Mik commented. “Was that helpful? Did you find anything?”

Red nodded. “I think so, but… this is going to take too long, because I have to translate word-for-word…” He walked over to the computer and downloaded both the language in the PAK and the memory to it. “Computer, you do it, but consider both to have a restricted access level: Head Medical Drones currently stationed on the Massive, the Ascending Tallest, and myself.”

_”Yes, my Tallest. By the way, this is a strange language,”_ it commented.

“Yes,” Mik agreed. “There are several rules it follows and for each rule there is a time when you must not follow that rule. Also many phrases are only understood in a cultural context.”

Red nodded. “That’s why I decided to make the computer do it. I mean, why would he tell his comrade to ‘break a leg’?” he frowned.

Mik sighed. “Humans are a very superstitious species, often they say the opposite of what they mean. Many believe in a spiteful god they call Karma that controls when good and bad things happen. To fool this god, they say the opposite of what they want to happen.” He sighed again. “And, of course, there are times when they mean exactly what they say. It is very confusing.”

“Weird. So, it’s like a secret code,” Red concluded.

“What’s a ‘god’?” Purple asked.

“I guess the hyoomans’ version of the Control Brains?” Red suggested. “Or their Tallest.”

_”Translation is at 75%, my Tallest, with an estimated accuracy of 60%,”_ the computer announced.

“More like a Control Brain,” Mik mused. “If I understand it correctly, but a Control Brain that they cannot prove exists and rely on humans that have supposedly communicated with them through their sleep cycles or secret messages in their organic brains. They also have a history of waging wars with each other over the correct images or messages of those brains. They are a primitive and very stupid race, violent, but highly adaptive and resourceful. Their growth in technology, while far behind in some areas, has seen a tremendous boom in a short ten Irk years, which is close to the max of their lifespans. Lilith’s human parent is one of the few humans on Earth who possesses great intellect and skill. He would need to be, to be able to keep up with Zim for over an Irken year.”

“They war amongst themselves?” Purple asked? “That doesn't sound efficient.”

” _Coincidentally_ ,” the computer began, interrupting them. _”Former piloting drone Pin intends to frame the Vortians with the death of Tallest Purple and conspiring against the Empire. Yet he does not appear to be aware that Tallest Purple no longer holds the rank or title of Trophy. In fact, he appears to know very little about Wor Hol. My records indicate he was deemed unsuitable for participation. In fact, according to the memories I’ve been given, he further seems to blame Tallest Red for taking what he believes was his place as Top Champion.”_

“So this is personal?” Red asked.

_”Partially, but he also holds the opinion the Empire has become… smooth?...by not going to war since Miyuki became Tallest.”_

“Oh! Was the human word _soft_?” Mik asked. “In this context it means weak, and non-aggressive, or easily controlled by others. Did he himself wish to be Tallest? He didn’t appear to be nearing Tallest Red’s height.”

”‘The Irken Empire has grown soft since the reign of Miyuki began’ _is what he said. Also though he would have liked to be Tallest, there was someone else intended. I have not been able to decipher who that is. Only that he or she is a Tartling, a taller, and Pin feared them.”_

Mik nodded. “Yes, that is what he meant. He must be of the persuasion that if Irk is not constantly at war then it is not strong. Is Ved a taller who fits that description, my Tallest? The one who tried to have his PAK removed?” Mik asked.

Red nodded. “He is… but I don't think he’s a Tartling.”

_”Invader Ved has been known to disguise himself as a Baseling or even a Sweetling on occasion as it fits his needs, just as Kyz disguises herself as a Sweetling - however she does it consistently.”_

“Oh, is that possible?” Mik asked. “That would explain why her scent data kept coming up as Tartling when Stink said she was a Sweetling, as she was the other Irken to participate in the scent gathering.”

“Yes, there are perfumes that can cover it,” Red said. “Some Tartlings feel they’re unfairly judged as being unnecessarily aggressive, so they cover it up with a chemical that makes them smell like another sub-gender. Spork used one to smell like a Tartling, so I can personally attest that it’s next to impossible to detect. It was only when he was actively sweeting and only because I knew him so well that I could actually pick up on his true scent.”

"Then could this Ved be the Tartling taller? Or is he working for another?" Mik mused. "Since his PAK is untraceable, and the Massive is such a difficult place to track down one Irken, it would be hard to find him. I imagine that alerting him that you are aware of his plans might cause him to act rashly." Mik thought out loud. "If only there was a way to lure him out without suspicion."

“Hmm…” Red rubbed his chin as he fell into thought. “Well… he wants this PAK, right? Maybe we could make a Massive-wide announcement that I’m in a healing coma in the medbay and Ascending Tallest Purple is taking my place for the time being. Perhaps he would consider that too good a chance to take me out.”

“I don't like it,” Purple said. “What if he just sends someone else? More medics. Then we’re right back where we are now.”

Mik looked at the PAK. "Why don't you just give him the PAK?" he suggested. "The other medics were going to bring it to a destination, then either he or someone connected to him would surely come retrieve it."

“So we should have them deliver it?” Red asked. “That could work.”

"But we would need a way to physically track the taller, correct? As the computer is unable to." Mik sighed. "If I was in contact with the Dib-human, he could send the designs for his surveillance microbots that he used to infiltrate Zim's base."

“Microbots?” Red asked. “It would depend on what he’s using to scramble the computer’s location sensors. - Computer, can you detect anyone whose PAK’s don't give off a signature?”

_”I have located fleshy bodies without PAK’s here in the medbay.”_

Red rolled his eyes. “Gee, imagine _that_.”

"Can you track the location of this PAK?” Mik asked. “If the scrambler is person specific then we can track him by this PAK's movement. However, if it is localized to a small area, that might be more impossible, but then if this PAK suddenly becomes untrack-able, we would know it was being moved. Maybe then in-person tracking could be done."

Red snapped his fingers. “Perfect! And either way, we’ll know where it ‘disappeared’, and then we can make a better guess as to his possible escape routes.” He thought about it again for another second and nodded. “Then that’s what we’ll do! - Computer, summon the two medics.”

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

"What should we do, My Tallest?" Mik said, standing near Lea and Purple. "I'm afraid, if you need fast Irkens, I will not be of much assistance."

“And you're not a trained tracker anyway.” Red considered for a bit. “The only person I can trust for sure, who I know is also capable and fast enough, is Stink.”

"We can check in to see how he is recovering from the drug and call him to assist," Mik paused. "In any case, having some in his system might be helpful and now that we have a counter drug, it shouldn't be a problem if anything should happen," he said.

“We have a counter drug?” Red asked. “You were able to make one?”

"Yes, actually. The very substance that makes Lilith go hyper-novic has the desired effect in pure Irken bodies, or so our preliminary testing has shown," Mik said. "Adrenaline is the substance. I was able to harvest the gland from the human body that produces it, and had the medical lab synthesize more. There is still some finalizations to be done to make it more administrable, but the basics are there."

“Excellent!” Red exclaimed, then walked over to a panel and called Stink.

Shortly, the invader came on screen. _”Yes, my Tallest?”_

“Do you think you're up to a little mission?” Red asked and began explaining the plan to him.

_“Um, I guess so, yeah. Actually, we could also use Kyz. A she’s good at not standing out. She’s not a soldier, but… she does have some talents.”_ Stink winked. _”No, but seriously, people don't notice a little janitorial drone. Even a Sweetling.”_

“If she’s up for it, then both of you report here, but don't say anything to anyone,” Red warned and Stink saluted. The ruler turned to Lea. “Looks like you're medbay’s gonna be full again soon.”

“I can hardly wait,” she said humourlessly.

"Oh, My Tallest, should I prepare some of the adrenaline drug?" Mik asked. "It seemed to have an instant calming effect on Irken cells. This might be an efficient way at subduing the taller if needed. And also allow for a test subject to see its effects when not on the drug."

Red nodded. “That would be a good plan. Prepare it. - Oh, and not a word to the medics that Stink and Kyz will be tracking them. It’s better if they don't know and risk stupidly alerting Ved because they are morons.”

Mik nodded. "That sounds like a good course of action. I will go prepare the new drug," he said and went into the back of the labs.

Red took a seat on the table to wait for the medics.

Purple pulled his gown down and rolled onto his side, then pulled Lilith’s unconscious body close.


	35. Stink's Mission

Mik returned with the drug and handed it to Red to give to Stink and Kyz when they arrived, then he went back to check on Lilith's and Purple's IV's. Lilith's body was absorbing the nutrients like a sponge and already needed yet another IV. Mik took that as a good sign.

Stink arrived first with a nervous-looking Kyz. “Here we are, my Tallest,” he said, saluting.

“Good,” Red replied. “Now act like you're just here to see Purple. I don't want the medics to know why you're really here.”

Stink saluted. “Yes, my Tallest.” He and Kyz went over to Purple.

Soon the two medics arrived. “You called, Sir?” one asked.

Red nodded. “Yes, you are going to take this PAK to the Taller you were supposed to take it to, and give it to him.” Then he gave them their specific instructions, but did not reveal any part of his actual plan. “I couldn't get anything from it,” he lied. “So, serve your Tallest by doing exactly as he says and you'll be rewarded accordingly.”

“Yes, Sir.” They took the PAK.

“Now go,” Red ordered and they wiggled their antennae, then left.

“Good luck,” Mik said to Stink and Kyz, after explaining how to use instant injectors containing the drug. Basically, all they had to do was place the end against the skin (even through a uniform) and press the button, and the device would quickly deliver the drug.

“Oh! Um, thanks!” Stink looked at the devices. “Will do.” He turned to Kyz. “You got that?”

She looked at it, reviewed the instructions, and nodded.

“Okay, we got it! See ya.” Stink waved to Mik and saluted Red (very nervously as he again wished to apologise for earlier), then both left.

Red turned to Mik. “I get why Stink could use it, but the janitorial drone? She wasn't exposed to the drug.”

“If they get into a fight with the taller it could help subdue him. I believe that this drug on its own could act as an relaxant and make him easier to capture if needed,” Mik explained. “And if not, suddenly being injected with an unknown substance might rattle him enough to put him off balance.”

“Oh!” Red replied, then, “Dammit! We should have told _them_ that!”

“Oh,” Mik said. “Well, Stink seems competent. The drug was just insurance. He should be successful.”

Red sat down beside Purple and Lilith, consigning himself to having no other choice but to hope Stink WAS capable.

“How is the PAK tracking going?” Mik asked. To pass the time, he let Red look at the findings they made about the counter drug and the human body.

Red pulled out his PAD. “Display,” he commanded and the movements of the PAK and the medics appeared, as did Kyz and Stink’s movements. “Computer, restrict access to Stink and Kyz’s wearabouts. - Tallest and Head Medic level only.”

_”Yes, my Tallest.”_

  
  


*****

Stink understood his mission well. He wasn't the second best invader the Empire had to offer for nothing after all! - Okay, maybe the third best… or even the fourth. But he was still one of the top five, he was sure. And here he was just on the Massive, which was way different than being on a foreign planet.

He led Kyz casually along, though maintained a slow pace, so that his targets wouldn't notice him. It felt so _good_ to have a real mission again. Even if this was, currently, an easy one.

He followed them through the halls, staying at least two turns behind them - it was a little trickier when they took a transporter shaft, for he had to tell the computer to take him to the same place the previous one with the medics went, but he had his invader authority, so the computer granted him that access.

When Stink and Kyz finally stopped at the desired deck, Stink blinked. He knew this deck well, because he always hung out here in his free time. This was good because his presence wouldn't raise anyone’s suspicions, but bad because KYZ hersef was never seen here. No matter how many times he invited her, she always refused. She didn't like people.

He wrapped his arm around her and cuddled up. At the moment, he saw no one, but should they come across anyone, it would look like Stink was just wandering off with one of his lovers, something he was known to do (even if people only THOUGHT he was sexing them up).

They passed a couple people, but no one gave them a second look, nor did they even comment.

He followed the medics with his nose (they smelled strongly of sanitising chemicals), and suddenly they took an unexpected turn. It wasn't the way to the docking bay or the transporters. He stopped at the corner to wait, but their footsteps quieted.

Stink pushed Kyz behind him, deeper into safety, and he listened carefully.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” whispered one of the medics, as they walked down a corridor to a cross section.

“Pretty sure. This is the section,” the other whispered back.

Ved waited impatiently in the normally unused corridor. He was starting to get worried. The medics were so late. He needed that PAK. It was stupid of Pin to get killed, he knew he shouldn’t have given the failure of a Champion such an important task, and the plookesians would not be happy when they found out their human was dead. But at least they couldn’t get anything from his brain or figure out the secret language he was using to communicate with his supporters. 

That way even if they were discovered, there would be no proof, because not even the Tallest knew that language. They had all trained themselves to think in that language as well. Even so, his supporters were growing restless. He needed to prove he had this under control, that he was a leader, The Leader that Irk needed to usher a new reign of supreme rule. Red wasn’t fit to be Tallest. He made his Trophy, _a Trophy,_ Ascending Tallest. Ved couldn’t stand that he wasn’t chosen as Ascending Tallest because a _Trophy_ was taller than him. When he became Tallest, he’d make it so no Trophy could ever rise above their rank again. 

Finally, he heard the medics and stepped out. “What took you so long?”

They stopped quickly as they saw the Taller.

“It’s not easy detaching a PAK,” one answered. “It takes time and it’s dangerous. Even if Tallest Red ordered it.” The one speaking gasped. “We got it here as fast as we could.” With the slightest of hesitations, they gave it to him.

Stink listened. He knew that taller, but he’d never heard him use that tone of voice. In fact, wasn't he actually up for a date with him? The taller, Ved, was going to invite him out, but he’d shrugged it off due to his responsibilities with the Tallest himself. He made sure to hold Kyz back.

“Good,” Ved said, feeling a great amount of relief. Now that the PAK was in his hands there would be no way for Red to find it again thanks to a little plookesian addition to his own PAK that created an untraceable field around himself. “Your Tallest will be pleased with your work, I will take this to him. You are dismissed,” he said and it was true. He was going to be the Tallest soon and he was taking it to his own rooms, and _he_ was pleased. Pleased that everything was going so well.

The two nodded and, with obvious reluctance, did as they’d been told, coming towards the direction of Kyz and Stink. Stink quickly turned around to face her, pressing her up against the wall with his face buried in her neck and making obvious kissing sounds.

“Typical Stink,” one medic muttered, taking the scene for exactly as it looked, and walked by without giving the two lovers further thought as he and his companion made their way back to Red to report they’d carried out his orders exactly.

Once they were out of sight, Stink released Kyz. “Sorry,” he whispered near her earhole, then turned around and dared a peak down the hallway the drop had just taken place.

Ved waited a few moments before going down the same hall to head back towards his room. There he could destroy the PAK and dispose of it and no one would be any wiser. He placed the PAK in a bag from the cafe that was used to carry snacks in. As a Taller no one would question the size of his take out bag as he had the privilege of eating as much as he wanted due to his height and rank.

As Stink saw Ved coming towards him, he quickly turned back to Kyz and resumed the deception, this time with his hand up her tunic so that if Ved had heard the medics, it would be believable.

As Ved walked by, he tensed when he saw someone else, but then relaxed when he realized it was just Stink and some other Irken. He really wasn’t picky with his partners. It would probably be easy to convince the promiscuous Irken over to his side, maybe he would promise him as many partners as he wanted. Ved took a look at the small janitorial done. _Quality partners._

Ved quickly walked past. He doubted Stink would notice him.

It was only when Ved was well on his way that Stink again released Kyz. This time, though, he gave her a little peck on the lips as thanks for putting up with him, then he turned and watched Ved disappear.

“Let's follow him and see if he meets up with anyone else sympathetic to their cause, Kyz,” Stink suggested and she nodded. “And I’ll keep him from either leaving the ship or otherwise destroying the PAK. He’s taller than me, so I want you to hang back a little, in case I have trouble when I confront him. You can alert Tallest Red and call for help.”

“Yes, Sir,” Kyz said quietly.

Stink made his way after Ved, Kyz following behind.

Ved made his way back to his personal quarters and hissed when he saw another Taller, though someone not as tall as him waiting outside his quarters. 

“Salt,” Ved hissed. “What are you doing here.” 

“Making sure our investment isn’t going to waste,” Salt hissed back. “We aren’t happy with your mistakes.” 

_”I’m going to correct that now,_ ” Ved said in English, and holding up the bag. _“Why don’t you come inside and witness for my investors. I’m about to correct that mistake right now and Red will be none the wiser.”_

_“Good; since Pin failed, we have been doubting our support,_ ” Salt said, as Ved opened his door.

Stink froze as he saw Salt and then listened to their conversation. He couldn't understand the language the two switched to, but he could tell they weren't talking about snacks. He shrunk back and whispered to Kyz. “I’m gonna see if I can stall them, you alert Tallest Red.” She nodded, so he turned back, put on a slightly harried grin, and walked boldly around the corner and approached the two.

“Hi, Ved, Sir, um, I was just looking for you. I’ve been thinking about your offer and, um, have decided I am interested.” It was a little bluff. Either Ved might tell him stuff, or he’d remember he’d tried to ask Stink out on a date, which is what Stink planned to remind him with if he was interrogated.

Meanwhile, Kyz hurried back through the Massive, searching for a place she could safely call Red.

At the same time, the two medics returned to the medbay and informed Red they had followed his orders. Despite their feelings about it, neither dared question their Tallest’s choices.

“Stink?” Ved turned and smiled. “Oh, yes dinner plans, correct? You know as an invader I’d love to hear your opinion on Irk’s direction,” Ved said, with the right amount of flattery and charm. “I was just giving Salt these new snacks to try,” Ved said. “Salt, since your room is being cleaned you are welcome to use mine while I go out with one of Irk’s best invaders.” Ved winked at Stink then passed the snack bag to Salt.

“Oh, I would love to discuss that and anything else you’d like to, but --” Stink giggled softly, then turned his most seductive gaze on Ved. “-- but, um, I was thinking… perhaps we could make that dinner just a little more _private?”_ He winked suggestively. “It’s far too loud in the cafeteria right now.”

****

Red answered the call to see Kyz’s face. “Yes?”

“I-I’m sorry for the disturbance, Sir, but Stink has followed Ved to his quarters. He’s going to stall him and another taller he was talking to,” she explained nervously. “I-I think he needs help..”

Red nodded. “I’ll send guards there now.” He hung up. “Computer, locate Stink.”

_”Unable to locate him, my Tallest.”_

“Then send a team of elite soldiers to Stink’s last known location, and hurry!” Red barked. “Until they arrive, section the entire deck off. Do _not_ let anyone come or go before the guards arrive.”

_”Yes, my Tallest. Deck is sectioned off. Alerting guards.”_

A guard popped on the screen. “Sir?”

“You have your orders: Ved is to be placed under arrest, now _go_ ,” Red ordered.

“Yessir. Sil, out!”

When the call ended, Red turned to the others. “I’m going.”

“Let them do their jobs and you can confront him when he’s brought to the brig,” Purple said.

“But-”

“Red, what if you get there first and he attacks you?” Purple said in a worried voice. “Or if he has a bomb or… _something!_ ”

Red and Purple had continued a light argument of all the reasons Red should and shouldn't go, but Purple stuck to his guns until he won.

*****

  
  


“These are your snacks, you should take care of them,” Salt said, stiffly shoving the bag back to Ved. 

“Fine,” Ved said, trying not to hiss. “I’ll speak with you later then about our investment,” he said, then opened the door for Stink. “Come on in, Stink, and we can discuss things a little further.”

Stink waved to Salt, then turned and walked into Ved’s quarters when indicated to do so. He chose to take a seat on a couch and leaned against the back casually, it was meant to give a come hither appearance. “So, you wanted to talk to me?” he asked.

“Yes.” Ved set down the bag under his desk, then came and sat next to Stink. “So being such an accomplished invader you must be getting restless here on the Massive. I must say your talents are being wasted.” Ved placed a hand on Stink’s leg. “Your invader talents. Surely you must be craving a little more action.”

“Oh, yes,” Stink said, scooching a little closer to Ved in a show of willingness. As Ved was the taller, Stink let him take the lead. “This is true. I’ve started taking shifts as a pilot in the Armada in order to have _something_ to do.”

Ved let his hands trail up. “I think you will flourish if you were just given the opportunity with the right people.“

Stink arched into the touch. It really was a shame Ved had to be the bad guy, he allowed himself the thought. “Do you?” he purred. “Are you the right people?” He licked his lips.

“I think so,” Ved purred back and stroked Stink’s antennae. “And I’m not the only one, Stink. There are more who think their talents are being wasted. Others like you that want to be more, feel more, and deserve more,” he whispered softly.

A moan escaped Stink’s mouth at the touch on his antennae and it was nearly his undoing. “I-I can…” he swallowed, already having forgotten what he had been about to say.

Outside, the guards arrived at the deck, then the computer released the lock so they could enter. From there, they hastily made their way through the corridors to Ved’s quarters.

“Yes, you can,” Ved purred. “You can join me and we can right a grave oversight in the Empire,” Ved said, leaning closer to nip at Stink’s antennae. “We just need a Tallest that will lead Irk to glory, to war, to conquest.”

Stink squeaked in the cutest way as Ved nipped at the sensitive appendages. “I-I take it you…” He had to swallow, and it was getting troublesome for the actively basing Irken to keep his thoughts on track. “You are not happy with - oooh… - with the current leadership?” He swallowed again ,and leaned toward Ved, both his antennae reaching for the taller. “Who… would you have in mind…?”

Outside, the guards were finally on Ved’s corridor, just up the hall about a hundred feet from Ved’s door.

“Myself of course,” Ved purred, as his hands slipped down to offer Stink a little stimulation. “And if I become Tallest, I can give you everything you have ever wanted. Tell me, Stink, what do you want most?”

“To, - _ah!_ \- to s-serve my Tallest… well…” Stink said, his voice breathy and needy, and he sure hoped he would be rescued soon, lest he’s going to, quite literally, end up consorting with the enemy. He already didn't think he’d be able to deny the taller just about anything he asked for. It was even thrilling knowing they were literally off the grid. Scary, because this was the enemy, but thrilling as well.

Ved chuckled and slipped his fingers under the waistband of Stink’s pants. “Well, Stink,” Ved purred by his antennae, and licking the base. “I think you will be serving your future Tallest _very_ well tonight.”

Stink was moments away from submitting fully when Ved’s words sunk in and reminded him of what he meant by that. It aided in allowing his mind to clear from his lust-filled haze.

And just in time too, because the guards arrived and they pressed the call button, signalling their wish to enter.

Ved tisked, then shouted at the door. “I’m busy, come back later.” He was a taller. Anyone looking for him could wait until after he had his fun with the Baseling.

“Can't do that,” one of the guards said. “We’re under Tallest orders, so you have one chance to let us in or we’ll come in.”

Stink winced. ‘Don’t _tell_ him that,’ he thought at them angrily, but stayed silent and made sure his expression was properly startled. (It was an easy task, for he _was_ definitely shocked.)

“Tallest orders?” Ved said, panicked. “For what reason?” He looked back to Stink who seemed just as surprised.

“Do not question our Tallest!” the guard snapped and over the intercom, Stink could hear the telltale sounds of the guard entering his unlock code. Saying nothing, the invader watched the door apprehensively. Secretly, he kept an eye on Ved as well.

"Stink," Ved snapped back to him. "This is your chance to prove yourself. Help me get rid of them, Red won't make a move after that. He's too tamed. I have a plan to remove him and bring Irk into a new era. Help me and you will be rewarded," Ved said, and released his PAK legs and charged his lasers, pointing them at the door.

“Yes.” Stink stood up, that was what he’d been waiting for. “Yes, I will help my Tallest,” he said, his PAK legs extending and the tips charging, and then, as the door gave a click to signal it was unlocked and about to open, Stink whirled around to face Ved and his PAK legs shot out and tapped Ved’s PAK, delivering a short burst of laser to it that he hoped would at least startle the taller Irken before Stink literally threw himself on top of Ved. “Ved, I am placing you under arrest for treason against your Tallest and Empire!” He wanted Ved to know exactly what was happening.

Ved cried out at the shock both of betrayal and the physical one. Filled with rage he struggled against Stink flailing out and trying to stab him. He would not go down without a fight.

Stink grappled with the taller, his PAK legs blocking Ved’s. Ved was, without a doubt, the stronger of the two, but as an invader, Stink had excellent training; still Ved was not to be underestimated either, he could tell, and it was proving hard to get an upper hand.

It was then the doors _finally_ opened and guards rushed into the room. “Ved, stand down now or we will open fire! You are under arrest as per Tallest Red’s orders.”

"Shoot and you'll hit Red's loyal slorg too," Ved hissed as he began to feel that victory was in his grasp. All he had to do was use Stink as a shield until he could outrun them. With his cloaking device they would never find him. He knew they wouldn't shoot Stink. Red wouldn't want them to. However, if the situation was reversed Ved wouldn't hesitate even if it meant killing a loyal soldier. If they died they died for the Empire, and himself.

“Then shoot me! My life belongs to my Tallest anyway!” Stink snarled as he fought. He again charged the tips of his PAK legs to cutting lasers, intending to damage Ved’s.

“Stand down!” the guard ordered again. “You can't win!”

"I will not be stopped like this!" Ved snarled, twisting and able to get a foot under Stink he kicked him right into the guards. He had to run by them, but this would allow him a small window of escape. They wouldn't be able to grapple him and he would find some way to turn this around.

Being shorter and weaker, Stink crashed into the guards, only two sets of PAK legs, his and one fast-reacting guard’s, keeping them from crashing to the floor.

Ved vaulted over the pile of Irken and bolted out of his room. He just needed a little distance and then they would never be able to track him. By the time Stink could recover, it was too late and even the PAK leg he shot out in an attempt to catch Ved missed. As he ran around the corner, Ved saw a short janitorial drone. "Out of the way!" he hissed, as she was standing in the middle of his path.

  
  
  


At the sight of the taller running right for her, Kyz’s first instinct was to obey and throw herself to the floor and hope the taller could get by. However, her PAK reminded her that her Tallest had ordered the arrest of this Irken and she could not disobey.

This all happened in a fraction of a second and, once decided, her PAK legs came out and made a barrier, the tips even penetrating the walls for better hold.

Ved skidded to a halt, he was so stunned at the small janitorial drone disobeying him. Hissing, he released his PAK legs intending to stab her until she removed herself from his path. He might have been able to crawl around her, but such action was beneath him.

Kyz had not, even for the tiniest flicker, believed her action would actually work and so she stared as wide-eyed as he. Then that knowledge clicked and, seeing her advantage, she advanced on him. It didn't matter if he ended up killing her, it only mattered that she obeyed her Tallest. A janitorial drone was expendable, but maybe she could at least delay Ved until the others got here. With that, though she was not a fighter and had no training, she took on a steadier, firmer stance, trying to appear as confident and make herself into as much of a threat as she could.

“I can't let you pass!” she snapped, hardly believing the words that were coming out of her mouth, but more fell out. “You will surrender!” It was just like one of her games... just with a much higher mortality rate, but she could do this. She pointed her top two PAK legs at him threateningly, hoping her PAK’s own responsibility to protect its host body would be enough to block Ved’s most certainly coming attack.

The rage he felt at such defiance from a smaller was blinding and, with a screech he lunged forward, his PAK legs out and aiming for her.

Kyz shrieked and ducked, awaiting the deadly blow, but it never came and when she opened an eye to peek, her PAK legs had blocked his. Furthermore, she had an opening and aimed the sharp points of her bottom two PAK legs at his face.

“Computer, place a dangerous spill containment field at coordinates,” she quickly rattled off the number. At least if she wasn't going to survive, she could prevent him from getting away.

The field flickered blue as it set in place. Unable to tell there were two Irkens because of the scatterer Ved used, it lopped off two of their PAK legs at the joints, and almost took off an antenna in the process.

Ved had to dodge the smaller’s attack to his face and thankfully did so as the field would have caught him if he hadn’t. He slammed against the barrier, but it held fast. He sneered at the drone on the other side and turned to try his luck on the other side, but the field had trapped him. Hissing, he slammed his remaining PAK legs against the field.

Kyz gaped in shock as Ved attempted to free himself, unable to believe the plan had worked and she wasn't dead. “Y-you can't get out of there. It’s strong enough to contain a chemical explosion,” she said in a shaking voice, more to reassure herself than to tell him of the futility of his actions. “C-computer, alert the soldiers of the containment field’s p-position.” She knew it had already alerted the other janitorial drones, for she even received the notification in her PAK.

_”Why?”_ It asked. _”A chemical spill is not the responsibility of a soldier, dangerous or otherwise.”_

_“I-I know!_ ” she cried. “B-but… V-Ved’s in there and they want him!”

_”I detect no signs of irken presence in this section. Not even yours.”_

“Then you must be malfunctioning!” She ignored the tinny huff coming from the speakers. “Just do it, _please!_ \- Or alert Tallest Red of my claim… Or _anyone!_ ” Anything to get someone to come, even if it was to arrest _her_ for lying.

” _Invader Stink is closest. Alerting him now, janitorial drone Kyz,”_ it replied.

Ved hissed again and slammed his PAK legs into the floor in anger. The metal of the floor dented. Ved paused then grinned. Using the three legs he had left he began tearing into the floor.

Kyz gasped. At that rate, she doubted it would take him long to get free. “Computer, do something! Incapacitate him somehow!” she cried desperately.

_”Unable to comply. You neither have the authority nor is there an Irken here whom I-”_

“Computer, send a stunning hit into the middle of the field, _now_ ,” Stink, having just ran around the corner, ordered as he ran up to Kyz.

_”Yes, Invader Stink, though I don't see what the point is.”_ From the damaged floor, a cable with a stunner on the tip raised up and shot blindly into the middle.

“Again, in a spread!” Stink ordered.

Ved hissed and dodged the first attack and the second, but as the attacks fanned out one managed to catch him and jolted him and his PAK until he fell unconscious.

Stink and Kyz both sighed in relief, then Stink clapped her on the shoulder. “Good job,” he whispered. “Computer, alert the guards that Ved has been detained and is ready for pick-up. Send them the coordinates of this section.”

_”I still detect no Irkens in this section and am getting increasingly impatient with this illogical game.”_

“Just _do it_ ,” Stink snapped. “That’s an order!”

_”Yes, Invader Stink. - They have sent affirmations and are on their way. - I have also notified the head medical drones that you two are possibly becoming defective.”_

“Whatever,” Stink mumbled, then he turned to the wall and brought up a panel to call the medbay himself. “My Tallest,” he began, saluting when their image appeared. “We have Ved. Whatever he’s using to scramble his PAK from detection also affects those near him,” he began his report. “As you probably know by now, the computer doesn't believe me, and Kyz and I have been marked as potentially defective. I’ve secured Pin’s PAK and I’ve ordered the detainment of Salt as well, as he might be a conspirator, but I don't believe the orders of a ‘defective’ will continue to carry any weight.”

On the other side of the call, Mik listened to Stink.. “My Tallest, I can go down to confirm Ved’s containment and as Head Medic I can declare them both fit and non-defective.”

Red nodded. “Do that and I’m coming-”

“No!” Purple snapped.

“Pur, he’s detained! Didn't you hear?” Red snapped back, irritably.

“I still don't want you to go. I don't want to be alone!” Purple continued his protest.

“Pur, you're not alone and this is my _job_ ,” Red continued his protest. “Nothing will happen, but I may need to PAK meld to interrogate him. No one else _can_.”

“Then have him brought here,” Purple insisted, unwilling to budge. “You can do the PAK meld when he’s securely restrained.”

“That might be best, My Tallest. If his goal is to prevent you from ruling he might resist more if you appear,” Mik said. “I will bring another applicator for the calming drug just in case and have him brought here.”

To that, Red grudgingly conceded. “Alright. Then we’ll go with that plan.”

Purple sighed in relief and was so surprisingly grateful that he even forgot to gloat at Red that his plan was superior.

Meanwhile, back in the corridor, the elite soldiers had all three in custody, though as Stink and Kyz had offered no resistance, they weren't shackled, so Stink had started examining Kyz’s broken PAK leg. “It’ll be fine. You can have it repaired in the medbay in the PAK center, if it needs it,” he concluded.


	36. Traitors and this is just clock material

Mik quickly left to head in the direction of where Ved was held. Upon getting there, Ved started to wake up. 

Groaning, Ved sat up putting the guards on alert. Seeing as how Ved was taller and most likely able to outmaneuver them without the computer’s help, Mik quickly went up and slapped the applicator against Ved’s arm, injecting him with the drug. 

“How do you feel?” Mik asked. “I have, er, injected you with a substance that is unknown to Irken bodies,” he said, trying to sound threatening but failing. 

Ved, about to attack the medic, suddenly felt too lazy. “Mmm’s fine. Mmm suuure I’ll be ooooookay.” Ved’s words were slurred. “I’ll... just.... take.... nap,” he said and then laid down and did just that.

“Oh, Irk, I really could've used that stuff earlier,” Stink said, and would've stepped closer to Mik and Ved, but the guards raised their weapons on him. He held his hands up in surrender and stepped back up beside Kyz. “Okay, I’m being good. No need for, um, weapons.”

“Good, because I’d really hate to have to shoot you, Invader Stink,” the guard said, his tone sincere.

“Me too,” Stink agreed.

Mik frowned at the guards. “Why are Stink and Kyz under arrest as well? I understand the computer being confused,” he said, then remembered and said up to the computer, “As Head Medic, I can confirm that Ved is here and sedated, and that Stink and Kyz are not defective.”

“Yes, that,” the head guard affirmed. “When an Irken is tagged as potentially defective, it is our job to take them into custody.”

_”I am unable to detect the presence of any Irkens in this area,”_ the computer said, but, _”Reinstating the normal status of Invader Stink and Janitorial Drone Kyz. They are no longer tagged as defective.”_

The guards lowered their weapons and saluted Stink. “Invader Stink,” the guard said. ”Sorry about that, our jobs.”

“Oh, that’s ok. I would've had to do the same,” Stink said, chuckling nervously while Kyz let out an audible sigh of relief. “But if you would, um, actually go get Salt now, like I ordered?”

_”Irken Elite Salt has just been detained. He is not very happy with me and demanding me to release him,_ ” the computer announced. ” _He is also shouting impolite names at me.”_

“Okay, now what, Sir?” Stink asked, turning to Mik. “We should get Ved to Red-” he giggled at himself. “Hey, that rhymed.” Then he cleared his throat nervously. “Nevermind, um… I’m just glad not to be heading to the brig or… worse. So, now what, Sir?”

“I would like to accompany Ved back to the Tallest medbay,” Mik said. “If one of you can bring him,” he addressed one guard; then to the other, added, “Then if you and Stink can go get Salt, you can use the drug I gave you to help subdue him.”

“Okay, I can do that. Perhaps Kyz should accompany you, though… She, um, lost a PAK leg,” Stink said as he took the injector from Mik and put it safely away in his PAK. “Um, it’ll probably repair itself, but she was kinda worried.”

Kyz, despite having the attention on her (or perhaps _because_ the attention was on her), remained very quiet, even trying to look smaller.

“Oh, yes, she would be safer there,” Mik agreed. “And when you detain Salt, bring him to the medbay.”

“Yessir!” Stink said, saluting Mik. Then, gesturing a few guards to follow him, took his leave and went to collect Salt.

Kyz stepped up beside Mik and, seemingly for the first time, noticed he was short too, which made her slightly less apprehensive. “Sir,” she said politely to show respect, otherwise she still remained silent for, as head medic, he outranked her by far.

“Bring that one,” Mik said to one guard to carry Ved, then he turned to the other small Irken. “Kyz, when we get back to the medbay I’ll scan you to make sure there is no damage. I would also like to confirm something with you once we arrive,” he added.

“Okay, Sir,” she answered softly.

The largest of the guards did as Mik said and hoisted Ved’s unconscious form over his shoulder, then followed after without further word.

* * *

It didn't take Stink long to find Salt, for his shouts rang down corridors and soon he found the Irken bound tightly in a computer cable. “Hold him still, Computer,” Stink ordered, then marched up to him. “Okay, I’m under orders to bring you to the medbay. Are you going to cooperate or do I have to, um, use force?”

“Force? Look at me! What force could I use?” Salt snapped.

“Well, not much right now, of course,” Stink said, grinning and only barely holding back a giggle.

“And what is the meaning of this?” Salt said, clearly agitated. “I’ll have you know I am a very important Wor Hol official and I will not tolerate being treated this way!”

“So, um, are you going to come to the medbay with me or are you going to try and make a run for it? I’m starting to think you’ll pick the latter, which I have to advise you against because my orders come from even higher up,” Stink said, ignoring the the other’s claim of importance.

“I have nothing to hide,” Salt said, haughty and confident. He knew any time they had discussed anything incriminating, they had spoken in that new language and there was no way Red would have access to it. So he was safe.

“Okay, then we’ll try it that way,” Stink said. “Computer, release him.” The computer did as told and released Salt to his own control, the guards quickly taking place on either side of him and one behind. “Just remember, I have these guys plus a little trick in my PAK.” Stink turned on his heal and began marching toward the medbay.

Salt hissed his displeasure, but walked beside the guards.

“Yes, hiss all you want. You're lucky it's me.” Stink could not help teasing his prisoner. “Because Larb would add charges for that. - By the way, is, um, anything other than your pride damaged? We _are_ going to the medbay, after all.”

“As soon as my innocence is proven, I am going make sure that _you_ are the one that needs the medbay, for treating someone of my status this way,” Salt growled out.

Stink made a point of loudly yawning. “Threatening an invader too? How boring. No, really, I grew up hearing threats of bodily pain from tallers. Yet, here we are and, um, I’ve arrested _you._ ” He paused as they stepped onto a lift that took them to the medbay deck. “But please don't stop on my account if it makes you feel taller.”

“The way you act around the Massive makes me wonder what kind of invading you actually did to get your title and if you didn’t just take some other invader’s credit,” Salt snapped back, as such things had happened with previous Tallests before; when they were displeased with one invader and favored another, they could rewrite accomplishments how they saw fit. “It makes one wonder what you did to get Miyuki to give you such accomplishments.”

“Now that’s one I haven't heard a million and… three times,” Stink giggled. “Oh, it’s almost a pity I have to deliver you to Tallest Red. Ved was a bigger pity though.” He licked his lips remembering how enticingly seductive Ved had been. “Anyway, I conquered a couple planets for Miyuki and I guess she was happy about it.”

"You disgust me," Salt hissed.

“When you say ‘disgust’, is that like your kink or something?” Stink asked as he resumed on his way. “Because, um, you know, some people are into that.” They came to the medbay and Stink stopped before the door opened. “So, any last words before I hand you over?”

“You will pay for this humiliation, Stink.” Salt narrowed his eyes at him. “I will not let this go.”

“You promise?” Stink asked, then turned and approached the door.

* * *

“My Tallest,” Mik said upon entering the medbay. “Good news! The adrenaline acts just how I predicted it would.”

Once they had arrived, Red, now sitting on the table with his arm around Purple, looked up. “Excellent!” He eyed the guard with the unconscious Ved. He slipped down and approached. “Put him on a table and strap him down,” he ordered the guard.

Lea returned from the back. “That’s right, just turn my medbay into a prison,” she grumbled, but gestured to a free table and nodded that they could use it.

As the guard was securing Ved, Mik led Kyz over to the back where he scanned her. “You are uninjured, and if you head to the tech repairs, I’m sure they can fix your PAK leg; if you need a request, I can send one,” he said. “But before that, you were the one who volunteered for the scent collection with Stink, correct?”

“Thank you, Sir. They will probably require that…” she said, knowing it was tricky for a short janitorial drone to get help. Then at Mik’s odd question, she had to think for a moment. “Oh, you mean the cuff, Sir? Yes, that was me.” 

“Yes; I have a question that I would like clarified. You see Stink reported that you were a Sweetling, but the chemical scent data matches that of a Tartling. I would just like clarification for my results. I have been informed that some Irkens prefer to have specific scents besides their second gender and can use perfumes to match them.” 

Kyz’s antennae fell and her eyes widened, then she nearly fell on Mik. “Oh, please don't tell anyone! My bosses would kill me if they knew! And… and I-I _promise_ it’s not from illegal sources!” she cried, having had no idea he could tell that, since her perfume had always worked before. Not even Stink had noticed.

“Oh, I wouldn’t,” Mik assured her. “So that would mean you are a Tartling then? Why would your second gender matter for your assignment?” he asked with a frown.

At his assurance that he’d keep her secret, Kyz forced herself to calm down and swallowed, nodding. “Yes… Tartling, but I…” Did he _really_ care about her reasons, she wondered? Either way, she couldn't disobey her superior by not answering. “Because… people treat short Tartlings badly… They think it's fun to push you around and see if they can make you aggressive, then if you do, they… report it, saying you started it and because you're short, everyone believes them…” now that he’d asked, it had been as though he had opened the floodgates. “And because I couldn't participate in the Maa Fi, it would make it even worse for me if they knew. As a Sweetling, well… they believe my Champion died and left me his job and they… they don't pick _fights_ with me…”

“Oh, I see. Being a smaller is very difficult.” Mik nodded his understanding. “A taller can get away with violence because they are tall, but a smaller cannot.” He paused as he thought. “Could I have a sample of the perfume you use? I am interested in the chemical formula it uses to replicate the scent,” he explained. 

Kyz’s eyes widened at his words and welled up with tears. He was the first one who’d ever shown her any understanding. (Stink was taller and she’d never revealed her secret to him.) Instead of throwing herself on him - he was still her superior, after all, and outranked her so far - she nodded once as she reached into her PAK and retrieved the small, unremarkable flask. “Here, Sir.” Then she pulled something else out, which was a small case with pills. “These suppress my own, but I only need them when tarting. The perfume alone is enough other times…” 

“Thank you,” Mik said, taking the items. “How fascinating. I wonder if there is a way to synthesize a drug that makes your body produce another scent?” he wondered aloud. “Oh, but you probably won’t be interested in assisting in such an experiment?” he said, as no one was normally interested in helping his side projects.

“No!” Now Kyz jumped on him, grabbing his shoulders. “I mean yes! I mean-” she suddenly realised what she was doing and quickly released him, jumping back. “S-sorry! I’m-I’m so sorry, Sir!” She gulped and angled her antennae into a submissive pose, head bowed. “I… I would be willing, Sir,” she said in a tiny, shaky voice.

"Oh, you would?" Mik asked, after she had let go, not seeming to mind her outburst. "Then after I have a chance to analyze these and have some tests to run, I will contact you. But for now I will send a message to the tech department to fix your PAK legs. However, since you are involved in all this..." He gestured towards where they were securing Ved. "I would suggest staying here until it is safe. Or waiting until Stink or another guard is free to escort you there." 

To that, she nodded. “Yes, Sir, I would gladly be of any assistance I can. And thank you.” She did not want to go wandering about by herself on a ship full of trained and experienced combatants when any one could have it in for her now if they were friends of Ved or Salt.

“Good, now just stay back here,” Mik instructed before going over to where Lea and Purple were watching Red.

Kyz nodded and did as she was told.

Red was watching Ved’s unconscious form, observing it, and scowling at him when the medbay doors opened.

“Here is the delivery of one highly, um, irritated Salt for you, my Tallest,” Stink announced as he marched in with Salt. “And he’s ready to be rid of me, so… if he doesn't cooperate, um, just tell him you’ll assign me to guard his cell.” He giggled.

Mik went over as Salt entered and frowned. “You didn’t need to use the newly developed drug?” he asked, sounding a little disappointed.

Stink shrugged. “Sorry. He chose to come… well, ‘peacefully’ might not be the right word, but, um, he came along.” He took the injector out of his PAK and handed it to Mik.

“My Tallest,” Salt said, upon seeing him. “May I ask what this all is about?”

Red ignored Salt for a few moments as he listened to Stink instead, then finally turned to him. “I’ve had a long and trying day,” he said, glaring at the prisoner. “But as you can see, I have your accomplice and am about to do a PAK meld.” He gestured to Ved, though did not take his eyes off Salt.

“Accomplice, My Tallest? I admit to having cordial dealings with Ved, but I assure you that we are no more than business partners as I help coordinate trade agreements between Irkens,” Salt said, trying to keep the anger out of his voice at seeing Ved so easily captured. However, it didn’t matter, no one could understand that language. He would be safe.

“Trade, now that’s an interesting word,” Red said. “You help coordinate trade agreements with Irkens, you say? What sort?”

“Any sort, My Tallest,” Salt said quickly. “Some desire new and interesting snacks, others parts to upgrade their ships or other such projects. If a client asks, I just help supply them,” he said smoothly.

“A-ha,” Red said, then indicated a chair. “Then take a seat while I see what I can learn from him.”

Salt went still, but nodded with confidence. He was not afraid, they had taken every step to ensure their safety and plans.

Red turned to Ved, knowing the guards would keep Salt under control if he got any ideas whilst their Tallest was busy. The cord extended and plugged into Ved’s PAK. Within moments, Red was in as expected and began copying memories over to his own PAK. They were indeed all in English, which made it notably simpler to find the ones he wanted, but as he still wasn't ‘fluent’, he chose not to try and read them during.

"See? My Tallest, there is nothing there of interest," Salt said confidently.

Red copied the last file over, withdrew, and, glancing at Salt disinterestedly, went over to the computer and began transferring them to it along with the silent command to begin deciphering. Once he had finished with that, he turned back to Salt and folded his arms. ” _This is just clock material,_ ” he said in human English, then frowned at himself and turned to Mik. “Why, on Irk, would hyoomans say _that?_ It makes no sense.”

"What?" Mik said as he thought. "Oh! You mean _A matter of time_ ," he said in English. "This roughly translates to something that is bound to happen if given enough time to do so," he explained. 

_"W-WHAT?!_ " Salt screeched in English unintentionally, absolutely panicked now. "H-How did you? Who? No other Irkens should know that language!"

“Oh…” Red said, blinking. Apparently word-for-word translations simply didn't work with English. “Okay, yes… _A matter of time_.” He grinned smugly at Salt’s outburst. “Oh, are you worried yet?” he asked sweetly. “You seem to have forgotten I _am_ your _all-knowing_ Tallest.”

Lea muttered something in a little-known Vortian dialect so Salt wouldn't be able to understand the verbal jab at Red she couldn't hold back.

"N-No! You can't! This... I..." Salt knew he was doomed. Someone must have ratted them out. "Jarr informed you didn't he? That backstabbing glorshburg!"

“It wasn't Jarr,” Red said, but added no indication as to whom, instead he looked at Salt expectantly. _”Try again,_ ” he prodded in English, hoping he managed to get a two word phrase right without mangling it.

"Veleek? It was Veleek wasn't it? She always said she didn't think the assassination attempt on Purple was well thought out. I bet she crawled in here with that slimy mate of hers and ratted us all out to save themselves!" Salt was so upset he couldn't even see the very obvious tactic Red was using.

Red glanced away to hide the fury that flickered over his face at the mention of Purple. He shrugged, hoping it looked casual and not near as tense as he felt it was. “You are getting closer, though, and I do have to compliment you all on training yourselves to think in English so that not even your PAK’s could betray your true intent.” He forced himself to sound calm, for getting as many names as possible was important and the single best thing he could do to ensure his Life Mate’s safety. “Anyway, English isn't so hard once my informant shared what they knew of the language. In fact, my head medical drone, here, was able to learn it fluently.” Both were not exactly lies - sans his struggles with _using_ it - but Salt didn't need to know the two were the same Irken.

"It...It was Bob!" Salt screeched. "I told Tilt we should have killed that smaller the moment he began suspecting something. But nooooo, Tilt said all we had to do was threaten his Life Mate and he would keep his mouth shut. Well I hope Gorp kills that smaller's mate before he can gloat about his deed," he hissed angrily. "No! I'll kill him myself!" he growled and lunged for the door.

Red lunged after him, startling the guards who froze, but there was a surprised scream and he skidded to a halt when, in a flash of PAK legs and green, another body appeared between him and his target. Then he stared, blinking dumbfounded at the scene before him.

Having somehow acted even faster, Purple practically flew past Red and body-slammed Salt into the wall next to the door. His PAK legs were out, two had their points buried in the wall and door, while the other two coiled around Salt’s ankles and held him in place while Red just gawked, dumbstruck.

“Purple!” Lea cried and cussed in Vortian.

“You will kill NO one!” Purple snarled, ignoring Lea and wrapping his hands around Salt’s neck.

Not expecting the Trophy Irken to move to fast or be so fierce, Salt froze. 

Mik blinked at the quick action but was more startled that the PAK IV had snapped off when Purple moved; for he, out of everyone, was used to his Tallest Purple where it was a well-known fact that he was the more vicious of the two. Trotting over he took out another adrenaline applicator and jammed it into Salt's leg. "Nicely done as always, My Tallest," he said. "The drug should be—ah there we go,” he said, as Salt suddenly went lax. 

Salt made a strangled sound as he slumped to the floor.

Purple felt the Irken go limp in his hands and that snapped him out of his rage enough that he let go and stepped back, then gawked as the body crumpled to the floor. “Oh, no, did I k-” his voice caught in his throat. “N-not again!” He couldn't possibly be strong enough to have snapped another _Irken’s_ neck without even trying, could he? He drew back his PAK legs in horror, pulling them out of the wall and door and leaving holes in their wake.

Mik stood over Salt as the Irken had crumpled to the floor. "Hmm, no, he is alive, you did well in holding back your strength. Though his vocal cords appear to be slightly crushed, so I do not think you will get much out of him without a PAK meld," he said, turning to Red. "But did you see how quick the drug acts?"

Red was still gaping open-mouthed. “The… the… the drug or… _Purple_ ,” he asked, his voice full of astonished awe.

Purple, meanwhile, took another step back, then another and another until he backed right into Red who instinctively wrapped his arms around his mate.

“Oh, my sunshine,” Red purred. 

"Tallest Purple has always been quick to action when he sees fit to act," Mik commented, then looked from Salt to Purple, seemingly remembering where he was. "That seems to be consistent across universes."

“See?” Red purred. “You're amazing.”

Purple, however, looked fearfully at Salt. “He’s not dead?” He still couldn't believe Mik’s words. His PAK began replaying the scene and it _had_ caught Mik’s drug announcement. “Oh… you… you gave him a drug? So he’s asleep?”

"Yes." Mik nodded. "Without the Wor Hol drug in his system, the adrenaline just acts as a very effective relaxant instead of a counter agent." He looked back to Red. "Salt mentioned a smaller by the name of Bob and his Life Mate who may be able to name more of them, but might be at risk right now. I believe more witnesses would only help you uncover all the traitors," he pointed out.

“Oh! You're right,” Red said, now suddenly remembering why Salt was even here in the first place. He released Purple to order for Bob’s safe collection when Purple, apparently having tried to lean against him, suddenly yelped as he went sprawling to the floor.

“Hey!” Purple snapped, looking up from where he was now sitting.

“Damnit, Red!” Lea shouted as she scrambled over to Purple and put her arm around his shoulders in case he should pass out or was dizzy. “I sure hope your smeet is as tough as its Dami is!” she snapped at Red. Then to Purple, she said in a much calmer though still worried tone, “Are you okay, Sugarplum, does anything hurt?” She placed her hand gently on his tummy.

“My butt hurts,” Purple grumbled.

Mik quickly scanned Purple and nodded. "Everything looks fine, but you should sit back down on the table," he suggested. "I will need to get a new IV. When you moved, you snapped the tube in half."

Lea sighed a heavy sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. Mik, I’m definitely going to keep you around.” She squeezed Purple's shoulder. “Alrighty, you heard the doc, let’s get you back over to the table.”

Purple simply nodded and got to his feet, then hobbled his way to the table, clearly favouring his posterior as he sat down.

“Pur, I’m sorry…” Red said and received a glare from his mate.

“Just go save Bob and his Life Mate,” Purple growled.

Red backed up and nodded to the guards to carry out the order.

Purple finally looked at the damage he’d caused to the IV tube. “I… I didn't even think about that, I just… He made me so mad!”

Mik nodded his agreement. "Yes, to plan on betraying his Tallest..." he shook his head. "I can't even fathom it.” Using his own PAK legs, he lifted himself up to Purple's PAK. "If you could open your PAK, I'll remove the broken tube and replace it."

Purple did as he was instructed. “I didn't damage my PAK, did I?” he asked, fretfully as Lea settled beside him and held his hand to offer comfort.

Red sighed and checked on the progress of the translation. “It’s taking a while,” he said.

” _Well, pardon me, but English is difficult as you yourself pointed out,”_ the computer grumbled. _”I’m working as fast as I can.”_

“Computer, check for Jarr, Veleek, and her Life Mate. Put them under protection too,” Red ordered, now remembering they’d been named as well, and ignoring the computer’s grumblings. “And make sure they stay on the Massive, since we don't know whose side they’re actually on,” he decided.

"Tilt and Gorp were also mentioned, My Tallest," Mik said, not wanting any traitor to go missed. He took a look inside Purple's PAK. "Everything looks fine, the tube just snapped," he said, removing the damaged tube and replacing it with a new one.

Purple sighed in relief, then winced slightly as the IV clicked into place and he felt his sugar being replenished again.

“Oh, yes, those too,” Red said and coughed, feeling sheepish for his oversight. “Confine them to their quarters. Hopefully they haven't made a run for it.” He considered for a moment, but was pretty sure they still had the element of surprise. “Do not inform them of why, just that it’s my order.”

_“Yes, my Tallest,”_ the computer replied. _“The order has been issued.”_

"We'll check your level again after this one runs out," Mik said to Purple and, since he was there, checked on Lilith, who was still sleeping soundly on the table. "She is absorbing sugar well," he reported, checking her IV as well.

Purple nodded, then turned so he could look at Lilith too. “That means she’ll be okay?” He was glad she hadn't had to witness all the excitement, but still wished she was better already.

"Yes, I expect a full recovery. She will still probably wake up extremely hungry, but I do not think her sleep recovery will be more than one cycle," Mik said. "However, I would like to keep her here overnight, so I can monitor her levels."

Purple sighed, but nodded, knowing it was the best for her. “Okay,” he said. “You will inform us when she wakes?” Then he got another idea. “Maybe I should stay here too. I mean, what if she’s scared when she wakes up in the medbay?”

Red turned and looked at him in surprise. “You would willingly _stay_ here in the _medbay_?”

“I don't _like_ it, but… I… I don't want her to be scared here alone,” Purple said quietly.

"Yes, that could be arranged. And more blankets could be provided to create a more comfortable sleeping space, and pillows if you wish to hold her and have something to rest your arms on," Mik suggested. He knew that smeeting Irkens tended to like lots of blankets and pillows when they needed to sleep. "If you agree, I can also turn on the monitors to constantly keep track of your levels as well. This would give us a good gauge on how fast your body depletes nutrients before you need another IV."

Purple decided he was willing to do anything if it enabled him to comfortably stay with Lilith. “Okay, you can. And definitely bring blankets and pillows.”

“Mik, when you're done with the _m_ , have them taken to the brig,” Red said, nodding to Ved and Salt. “I don't want them in here with my family all night.”

"Oh!" Mik said, turning. "Let me just get a blood sample from them, and a brain scan, and you can take Salt and Ved." He quickly gathered the data he needed then nodded to the guards to take them. "Computer, can you create several blankets and pillows for Tallest Purple?" he asked once the guards had taken the two away. 

_”Yes,”_ it said and got to work preparing the requested bedding. Some in purple and some in yellow, all in the fine material it knew Purple and Lilith both liked. Furthermore, one of the tables converted into something more suitable as a bed, with the sides raised so they couldn't just topple out. " _That should suffice."_

Red checked the ‘bed’ and arranged the pillows and blankets on it, for he had a pretty good idea of how Purple liked them even if he doubted his Life Mate would bother making a nest as he did in their quarters. “It’s acceptable,” he added.

Looking over, Mik saw Kyz still standing in the corner. "My Tallest?" he said, turning back to Red. "Perhaps it would be best for Kyz to stay with Stink until the situation is taken care of."

“If Stink’s fine with that,” Red answered, looking at the invader.

“Oh, of course,” Stink said. “She’s welcome to, um, stay as long as she wishes.” He leaned forward so he could peak around the corner at Kyz and gave her a friendly wave. “You’ll be safe there.” He politely refrained from mentioning how many times she had stayed with him before.

"Thank you for your assistance, Kyz. I will contact you later," Mik said. "And I sent the request for your PAK leg to be repaired."

“Thank you, Sir,” Kyz said to Mik.

“Hey, I could take her there right now,” Stink offered, then turned to her. “Well, if you want.”

Kyz nodded and got up and joined Stink.

"Yes, please, Stink, thank you. If you need anything contact me." Mik nodded to the two before they left together, then he turned to Red. "When you get more PAK memories to translate, if you have any questions I would gladly help in any way I can," he said. "Until then, I am suggesting we lock down the medbay, only allowing the doors to open for the Tallest."

”I agree. Computer, you heard Mik. Only myself and the head medics can come and go,” Red ordered. “That includes the ventilation shafts.” Then he went over to Purple and rubbed cheeks. “I’d love to stay with you, but I need to find a way for the computer to counter the PAK scrambler.”

Purple sighed, but nodded against Red’s cheek. “We’ll be fine,” he said.

Red drew back slowly and kissed him. “After today, I’m thinking you can handle anything. You were simply amazing. - Goodnight.” He kissed him again, then took his leave as well.

Once alone among the four, Lea sighed, glad to have the medbay back to herself and the people who actually _needed_ to be there. Still, she made a quick round to ensure no little medics were hanging around. Once satisfied, she turned to the others. “I’m going to have a coffee.” She went into her office, then returned shortly and settled into a chair to drink her coffee where she could observe the other three.

“Mik?” Purple said. “May I have a PAD?” He looked at Lea too. “I want to see that language. Maybe I can learn it too, I’m good with languages. - I speak Vortian fluently,” he added, then repeated it in perfect, though lightly accented Vortian. Besides, he was sure to get bored sitting there with nothing to do until the IV was finished.

Lea nodded. “Of course you can, Sugarplum.”

“Yes, I’ll assist you in any way I can,” Mik said, then paused. “Would you be able to connect into my PAK to download the language?”

Purple consulted what he knew about PAK melds. “I don't know. I don't have Tallest or Life Mate access, but...” He thought about it, then shrugged. “Computer?”

_”You have Ascending Tallest access in the event of undisputable need, but he has Head Medic status and it is further possible that since Ascending Tallest doesn't exist in his universe, his PAK won't recognise you as having permission,”_ it began explaining. “ _However, might I remind you that I have all English language files from Tallest Red.”_ It lowered a cable to make its point.

“Oh!” Purple nodded quickly, now remembering. “Yes, please do that.”

The cable connected to Purple’s PAK and began downloading the files.

"Oh, yes, that will work." Mik nodded. He then turned to Lea. "Do not feel that you have to stay all night. Since you do not have a PAK, you will need rest. When you feel tired, go sleep. I can stay here and monitor."

Lea looked to Mik and, though she knew his advice was the wisest, she felt a pang at the notion and realised she didn't _want_ to leave Mik. She took a sip of her coffee as her mind and heart waged an internal war that her body was certain to decide for them within time. So, the question was: Which was worse? Going to her quarters without Mik or acting like a stubborn toddler and falling asleep in the medbay?

“Well, I will finish my coffee,” she decided. “And perhaps a stubborn second cup.” She winked and chuckled softly at her half-joke.

Mik could sense her reluctance and mistook it for fear of being alone in the recent events, which, after thinking, he decided that the medbay might be the safest place for her right now. "Lea, instead, maybe you should sleep in your office. Your couch is made of the most comfortable substance in the universe and more blankets and pillows can be made by the computer. There is little chance that you could get attacked going to your quarters, but, still, until Tallest Red gets information from all of the Irkens Salt named, we don't know who to trust."

Well, that cancelled her fear of looking like a stubborn toddler, in fact… the offer was simply too tempting even if it was for the wrong reasons. Or _was_ it? She sipped her coffee and looked up. “Well, I suppose if these are purists of any sort, they won't have appreciated having a Vortian running their medbay, will they?” she said aloud, as her mind worked through the potential danger for the first time. She could confess her real motivation to Mik if and when they found a moment’s privacy (Purple would sleep at some point after all). “Yes, I think I shall take you up on that offer.”

"Good." Mik nodded. "I think I would feel less stress knowing you are close by as well," he said. "Since our time may be limited, I would like to accumulate as many PAK memories with your presence as possible," he said, then turned to his reader to make sure the scanners were working properly as they picked up Purple and Lilith's vitals and nutrition levels.

Lea couldn't help the smile as his words warmed her heart to the point of giddiness, but she managed not to make a scene out of it. “Thank you, Mik,” she said warmly.

The cord finally retreated from Purple's PAK and he sighed in relief. “It is a complicated and illogical language,” he remarked.

Lea took that moment to bring him the PAD he’d asked for, then returned to her spot on the chair. “Does it always take so long?”

“Thank you,” Purple said politely, then turned the PAD on. “No, but the computer seems to have given me part of its own translation attempt as well.” He pulled his legs up onto the table and, taking out a stylus, bent over the PAD and got to work. This would've been easier with Tak and if only because she had always made cramming more fun. His antennae suddenly sprung up and he dropped the PAD into his lap. _“Oh, Tak!”_ he gasped. “Tak’s a _Trophy_ , but she killed her Champion during her Maa Ri! - What if she’s in danger too?!”

"If their plans are falling apart, they might take drastic measures or act rashly," Mik mused. "We can send a message to her to stay locked in her room and allow no one entrance or we can have a guard escort her here, if that would make you feel less stress," he said.

Purple nodded quickly. “Yes, let her know!” He quickly picked up the PAD again. “I’ll notify Red-”

” _Tallest Red has already ordered Trophy Tak’s safety. In fact, she is with him helping him in his attempt to enable me to descramble Ved’s PAK scrambler,”_ the computer interrupted.

“Oh, yes, Tak has always been good with tech. She should be able to assist him,” Mik agreed.

Purple exhaled in relief, then turned back to his attempt at the language.

Lea finished her cup and, as she’d said she would, got up to get another. “Anyone else want anything?”

Purple shook his head. “I’m fine…” he murmured.

Mik asked for some Irken soda and thanked her when she returned. As the night drew on, Mik continued to monitor the two, as well as further analyze the perfume and pills that Kyz had given him since he had some time to spare. Soon it was getting late and he noticed that Tallest Purple was growing tired as well as Lea. 

"The two of you should sleep. I will alert you if there is any change or need for your presence," he said.

As he’d literally been watching the same half-written word grow steadily fuzzier, Purple nodded and stretched, then stood up and carried Lilith over to the makeshift bed where he laid down and curled up around her, pulling the covers over them.

Lea opened her eyes from the light dozing she’d unwittingly done and wiped them. “Sure wish I had your stamina, Mik,” she said softly. She stood up and went over to check on Purple and Lilith. “Goodnight, Sugarplum.” Then she headed back to her office door and, when it opened for her, she paused and turned back. “Do you have a moment for me, Mik, and a… silly Vortian custom?”

“Of course.” Mik nodded as he walked with her to her office. “What sort of Vortian custom?” he asked curiously.

She waited until the door had closed and turned to him. “I think you'll like this one. - May I?” She reached out and ran her finger along his collar, then decided she’d best be up front with him as she lowered her hand again. “Well, it’s just a little thing couples do…. a kiss before going to sleep.”

“Oh!” Mik said, reaching up to lower his collar, showing an eager smile. “I would like that very much, though I will not be sleeping.”

“Exceptions can be made,” she teased gently, leaning closer as she did. “Sleeping doesn't matter anyway,” she added in a whisper, then touched her lips to his and closed her eyes.

Mik leaned into the touch enjoying the sensation before he pulled back. "I would enjoy more contact, but unfortunately I would prefer not to leave Lilith and Tallest Purple unattended and you need sleep."

She licked her lips to see if she could taste him, then opened her eyes. “Of course, they need you,” she said softly, then gently ran the backs of her fingers against his cheek. “Goodnight, Mik.” She lowered her hand.

"Goodnight, Lea," Mik said in return, but before he left he paused and looked back as she settled in. "Lea? I did not find that Vortian custom fit the definition of silly at all. I found it rather enjoyable."

“Did you? Then we’ll have to do it again in the future, because I did too,” she whispered as she pulled the blanket up over herself, her heart doing literal flips of happiness inside her chest. “Thank you, Mik.” She settled back against the pillows and committed the image of him standing there to memory.

"Good, yes, then let's do that," Mik agreed. "And you are welcome, Lea," he said before closing the door and finishing out the night in the medbay quietly watching over his patients.

Grabbing a nearby PAD, she turned on soft music and opened one of the books she was currently reading, hoping to get a couple chapters in before she fell asleep. She had only made it through half a chapter because the day had been exhausting and her thoughts, now allowed to roam freely since she didn't have to be in Doctor Mode™, kept drifting to Mik and filling her mind with small smiles beneath candy-pink Irken eyes until sleep had ultimately claimed her.

  
  



	37. In which Mik has an existential crisis

During the night, after they had fixed her PAK leg and returned to his quarters, Kyz turned to Stink as they snuggled on his little couch together for comfort.

“Stink?”

“Yes?”

“There’s… something I have to confess,” she said, her voice tiny and he caught the tremble in it. “If you have a moment?”

“Sure, what is it?” he said, his tone still holding its usual lightness.

“If you hate me afterwards and want me to leave, I’ll understand and go back to my quarters,” she said.

Now he looked at her. “That sounds kinda serious. What’s wrong?”

She looked away. “Mik found out and he’s the only one.”

“Okay… um, and what did the medic find out?” he asked when she didn't seem like she was going to continue on her own. “Is there, um, something wrong with you?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “And I begged him to keep it to himself. He said he would.”

“Okay… but why do I need to know if it’s a secret?”

She sighed. “Because we… because we have sex…”

“Oh.” He blinked and tried to figure out what she wasn't saying. He knew he couldn't have gotten her sick somehow, for he was in top health and hadn't enjoyed the local pleasures during his last invasion mission, so he couldn't have infected her with an alien STI. “Wait, does that mean, um, you're smeeting?”

“What?” Her antennae sprung up.

“Um, because if you are, that’s… that’s okay.” Though he had no idea what that would mean for him, since they weren't Life Mates.

“No, I’m not smeeting.” She had to think about it though, but she was still actively tarting and was pretty sure that wouldn't be the case if she was. Besides, medical tests had proven her receptive reproductive capability was poor.

“Oh, okay. Then what is it? I didn't get you sick or something, did I?”

She shook her head. “No… I-I’m…” Her heart was pounding and her ‘spooch twisted. Stink was her only good friend, the only one who had never treated her according to her height or rank. She didn't want to lose that, but… she had come to the point of no return as Stink had literally offered her his protection - again. “I’m not a Sweetling!” she cried.

“You're not a Sweetling?” he repeated, his tone completely dumbfounded. “What do you mean you're not a Sweetling?”

“I’m a Tartling!” she wailed. “I’ve been using chemical disguises and scent repressors to make myself smell a Sweetling and why do you think I’ve never let you see my penis and I know you're going to throw me out or kill me now and I completely understand and deserve and please just make it quick! U-unless I don't deserve it, then make it slow because I don't deserve anything!”

“Woah, slow down!” Stink gasped. “Wait… Let me get this straight: You’re a _Tartling_?” She nodded. “Like a real Tartling?”

“YES! And I’m sorry and you can kill me now!” She shut her eyes and awaited his wrath.

“And that's really _all_ of it?”

“Yes! It’s terrible! Are you going to kill me fast or slow?

“Pffft! Neither,” he said, chuckling.

“You… _aren't_ going to kill me? Aren't you furious?”

Stink shrugged. “You could have told me sooner,” he admitted. “But, if I were in your boots, I’d have done the same.” Then he took her hands and grinned. “But now you’ve _got_ to top me next time! Um, if you ever want a next time.”

Kyz was having trouble grasping what had just happened. “Oh. Er… Now?”

“Nah, another time when things aren't so… tense,” he said. “Plus I don't want you to think you have to make it up to me that way.”

“Oh.” She was still confused.

“Anyway, let’s finish watching this and go sleep,” Stink said. “It was a long day.”

She simply nodded as she had no idea what words were anymore.

* * *

Lea rubbed the sleep out of her eyes to see that, laying on her chest, was the PAD she’d neglected to put anywhere else. She remedied that and sat up, stretching and yawning and grateful Vort really was home of the Most Comfortable Couches™. She pushed the covers off herself and stood, stretching again, then groggily hobbled to the food dispenser and ordered a cup of coffee, which she sat back down on the couch with to drink while her mind awakened at its own pace. She knew she could allow herself the time because Mik was there and, if there was need, he’d alert her.

While she waited for a second to be made, she had the computer replicate a fresh uniform which she changed into, then finally informed the computer she was officially on duty.

"Lea!" Mik said, happily going over to greet her when she entered. "I found the rate at which Tallest Purple's smeet is consuming nutrients and have worked out a schedule that will allow him to eat without needing an IV at this time of the smeet's development." He paused then added, "Did you sleep well?"

“Oh? You’ll have to tell me all about it,” she said sincerely. “But first, yes, I slept well, thank you.” Then she couldn't help it and placed her hand on his arm and gave him an affectionate squeeze. “And good morning. I’m glad to hear you had a productive night.”

"Yes, good morning," Mik said, recognizing the custom. "Well, I found, after adjusting the levels of what is normal here, that Tallest Purple should be consuming a small meal every three hours; however if he snacks once an hour, which can be a snack or a ginger ale or your nutrient shakes, he will only need to eat a meal every 6 hours. But to counter not eating when sleeping, he could consume a large meal in the morning," he said, showing Lea the data on his reader. "The times can be adjusted here depending on what he eats of course as not all snacks are the same. He can scan a snack with his PAD and then it will tell him when he should consume more next," he said. "When he wakes, I will explain the program to him."

Lea tapped her chin as she considered it herself based on her experience with pregnant Vortians as well as her experience with, well, Purple himself, then nodded. “That sounds good, though he may have trouble eating larger meals, particularly as the smeet gets bigger.”

"Yes, I do think that, as his smeeting progresses, even increasing the frequency will not be enough and the PAK IVs will be necessary; but for now this foodening program should be sufficient and if he starts to feel like he in unable to do this, he can add IVs in the place of a meal," Mik said. "I can still show Tallest Red how to attach them, and if Tallest Purple feels confident he might be able to attach them into his PAK himself with his PAK tendrils."

“Then I’m rest assured you’ve thought of everything,” she said, smiling. “I could really use you on Vort. - Say, do you think you could show me how to give him the PAK IV’s? In case he doesn't want to and the almighty pain isn't available?”

"Oh, yes of course, when he wakes up I can show you," Mik nodded.

“Perfect.” She looked over at Purple, though he was still hidden under the blankets. “They didn't have any problems during the night? They both slept peacefully?”

"No problems at all," Mik said. "And I received an update from Tallest Red for when Purple woke up that everyone is still safe and to not worry and that he would fill us in when he returns at some point today. It sounds like things went smoothly for him."

“That is a relief,” she said.

It wasn't long after that when they heard the first signs of Purple awaking, as told by the silencing of soft snores, a rustling of the covers, then a muffled and very groggy, “Yuck, pillow is all wet…”

"Oh, My Tallest, you are awake," Mik said coming over. "How are you feeling?"

“Terrible…” he grumbled and pushed the covers down, then blinked when he saw Mik, then glared. “Hey, you're not Red. What are you doing in my chambers?”

Mik frowned. "Are you having PAK problems, My Tallest?" he asked. "You are not in your chambers, but the medbay. You slept here to be with Lilith while she recovers."

“I am?” Purple rubbed his eyes and looked around, then rubbed them again and yawned. “Medbay…” he repeated and, again looking around now that his vision was starting to focus, saw that he indeed _was_ in the medbay. With a groan, he collapsed back into the - wet - pillow, then groaned and raised his head again to look at it accusingly. “You traitor,” he hissed at it.

"No, My Tallest," Mik went over to the computer to check the scans worried that something was wrong. "That is a pillow, not one of the traitorous Irkens Tallest Red is hunting down." Oddly enough everything looked normal.

Purple just groaned and pulled the covers up to his chin.

Lea walked up and looked at the pillow, noticing the spot. “Need a towel, Sugarplum?”

“I do _not_ drool!” Purple snapped quickly.

“Then there must have been a leak in the ceiling,” Lea said chuckling.

“Yes. That’s what it is.” Purple’s tone was clipped, but quieter.

Confused Mik came over and looked up with a frown. "I don't see how a leak could appear."

Lea chuckled. “Not to mention one that could soak only his pillow, but not… --” she picked up the edge of the blanket for Mik to see. “-- a single _drop_ on the blanket, right?” She looked back to Purple. “Now, however could this have happened?”

“The computer did it,” Purple decided and pulled the covers back out of Lea’s grasp and tucked it to his chin again. “It hates me.”

“Oh, the computer did it? I see,” she continued patronising Purple.

"The computer is gaining emotions?" Mik said. "That is--" He cut himself off as a PAK memory came to him about his Control Brains showing emotions. He looked blank for a moment then patted Tallest Purple's shoulder before going to sit at his computer, mumbling, "Technology can't have emotion. They can't express feelings. It was just stress."

“Said the cyborg,” Lea said, chuckling. “So it must be true.” She winked to Purple, but glanced worriedly at Mik, for she had not missed his sudden change in demeanour.

_”I assure you, I am functioning within normal parameters,”_ the computer said. “ _And I did not ‘leak’; Tallest Purple did in his sleep, as per his norm, so it is not surprising he doesn't remember doing so.”_

“I told you, it hates me!” Purple snapped and yanked the covers up over his head.

"It's fine," Mik said. "I've sent Tallest Red a message. Now according to your scans you need to eat something," he said sounding normal, but his reader was upside down.

Lea patted Purple through the blanket. “He’s right, Sugarplum. You’ve gone without food for over six hours. It’s time to feed your smeet.”

Purple lowered the covers and looked up, his interest now caught. “I _am_ hungry.”

On Mik’s reader came the message: _pǝɹ ʇsǝןןɐʇ - ,'ʎɐʍ ʎɯ uo ɯ,ı,_

Mik frowned down at his reader. "My reader appears to be broken," he said, setting it down. "But what can we get for you, My Tallest? Oh, Tallest Red left a message saying that everyone is safe and things are going well."

Purple, oblivious to Mik’s plight, crawled further out of the blankets and sat up. “You don't have any more Drop Fruit, do you?” he asked hopefully.

“I think that can be arranged,” Lea said. “You can stay here and I’ll get it for you.” She stood up and took the opportunity to check on Mik and his reader. “Your reader’s broken?” she asked.

"Yes, look it--" Mik picked his reader back up, however this time everything looked normal. "Oh, a message from Tallest Red. He is on his way," Mik said. "Maybe it restarted and fixed itself. I think I will sit as well. I might need some sugar."

“Shall I bring you some Drop Fruit too?” Lea asked. She did not wish to press Mik as he seemed to want to withdraw. 

"Oh, yes, that would be most welcome," Mik nodded. He was sure he needed sugar.

“Alrighty,” she said, and retrieved two portions from her office, then brought them back and set one before Mik and gave the other to Purple.

Mik began eating the fruit and did indeed feel better with something in his system. He looked back to his reader checking over his data while he waited for Tallest Red to return. "Oh, Lilith needs a new IV," he said, changing it. "She's doing well. Her brain waves are behaving more normally. She should wake at sometime today, if my prediction is correct."

Lea made a note of Mik’s change, then got herself a portion and, watching Mik resume his work, ate a piece. “Oh, before you give Purple another IV, remember you were going to show me.”

"Oh, yes; Tallest Purple, for now it would be good for you to have another IV, but I have a foodening program I would like you to follow. For now, if you stick to his schedule I believe you will not need a daily IV," Mik said and, after obtaining Purple's permission, showed Lea how to attach a PAK IV.

Lea watched carefully. They had hardly finished when Red came bursting in, Tak hot on his hovering heels. “What’s wrong with Purple?!” he gasped.

"Oh, My Tallest, good. Tallest Purple is... he thinks... he is under a great amount of stress," Mik said, then went and sat on a chair to eat more fruit. He needed sugar. "Technology can't have emotions," he mumbled to himself.

Red went over to Purple, who was still picking at his food, and the smell hit the ruler like a slap, causing him to wrinkle his nose. “Not this again…” he groaned, but rubbed cheeks with Purple anyway.

“I _like_ it,” Purple stated firmly, clearly not willing to budge on drop fruit.

As Purple looked perfectly fine to him, Red’s gaze flitted to Mik, then snapped to Lea, who regarded him with equal confusion. “Technology can't have emotion?” he repeated questioningly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Shrugging, she walked over to Mik. “Mik, did you eat at all last night?”

"Yes?" Mik said, though he wasn't sure. "But Tallest Purple woke this morning and his pillow was wet from a leak on the ceiling, which is impossible since there is no liquid storage or pipes in this section of the medbay and he believes that the computer hates him and caused it, which is... it is not possible because technology can't have emotions. Just because it appears and sounds like they are sad and forlorn that the Tallest have yet to make smeets doesn't mean that the Control Brains have degraded into having organic emotions.” As he spoke his voice became slightly faster and his tone became distressed. “Just because it sounds like they are excited about having natural born smeets around and use words like 'cute' doesn't mean that they can actually feel such emotions. It is just stress and PAK malfunctions," he said, making less sense to them as he went on.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Red spoke up. “All this is because he _drooled on his pillow?_ What is he even _talki-_ ”

“I did NOT-” Purple had begun as well.

Lea held her hand up for silence. “Mik, is that what happened?” She began in a soft tone. “Someone thinks the Control Brains are suddenly having emotions?”

"What?" Mik looked up at Lea, his PAK pulling him out of his memories at her familiar face. "Oh... well. Yes. I thought I experienced the Control Brains in my universe, the three housed on the Massive, expressing emotion. They appeared to comfort me and they expressed their desire for the Tallest to have smeets because they thought it would be cute. And then they _giggled_." Mik grabbed Lea's shoulders as the stress from the memory resurfaced in his body. "They _giggled_ , Lea! Control Brains don't giggle!" He whimpered and let go, curling up in his seat. "They are machines that don't express emotions. My PAK memories are just faulty from stress during that time," he mumbled, then pointed to Purple. "The computer doesn't hate you, My Tallest, it is _stress_ ," he said to Purple, then went back to whimpering in his chair and muttering about technology not being able to feel.

“You caused all this?” Tak asked, settling down beside Purple, who shrugged. “I am impressed.”

Red just gawked, at a complete loss and wondering how Purple’s drooling could possibly have led to _this_ level of chaos.

Lea, however, remained calm and put her arm around Mik. “Stress can make one misinterpret things,” she agreed. “But you heard it _giggle_ , you say? Have you run diagnostics on your PAK after that experience.”

Mik nodded. "Not right away, but later I did. However, not too long after I found out that the Tallest had mated and Tallest Purple was smeeting and, well, things changed. It wasn't until later that I could review my PAK. The Tallest even went to see the Control Brains and everything seemed normal," he said, and picked his fruit back up. "I think I need more sugar.”

“I see, and what were the findings? How was your PAK?” She asked. 

"There was no malfunction," Mik said. "But clearly there was. -How is Tallest Purple, is his PAK malfunctioning due to stress? Is he less stressed now that Tallest Red is here? Is the ship still leaking?"

“Purple is fine now, as is the medbay. There are no leaks,” she assured him.

“So how did Tallest Purple's pillow get wet if there is no leak?" Mik asked, woefully confused.

“Purple was… —” She glanced back at the Irken in question. “— just sleeping with his mouth open, so his saliva flowed onto the pillow,” she explained. “Also, I do not think it sounds as though your PAK was malfunctioning at the time.”

"Oh.... oh, that makes sense," Mik slowly nodded. "And since he was sleeping, he could not have been aware of that fact. The most logical conclusion would be to think there was a leak in that case," he said, much calmer than before and looked back over to Tallest Purple. "It wasn't the ceiling, but you, My Tallest, that was leaking," he informed him.

Purple looked at Mik in utter shock, which changed to an offronted look of equal measure. To make matters worse, Red had a big, stupid grin on his face.

“See?” Red teased and continued in a sing-song voice. “Told ya you drooooool, and now it’s _medically diagnosed!”_

“I do not!” Purple snapped anyway and folded his arms.

"You are unconscious as you do so, my Tallest," Mik said. "Maybe I can show you the medical surveillance so then you can see for yourself?" h turned to the computer, intending to put it on the screen.

“Ooh, yes!” Red exclaimed, delighted.

“I’ll pass,” Purple stated, his antennae now laid down flat and he pointedly looked at the wall, glaring at it as though he could melt a hole into it.

“Perhaps we should save that for another time,” Lea intervened, knowing this was going nowhere productive fast, squeezing Mik’s shoulder. “Red, did you and Tak manage to make progress with the PAK scrambler?”

“We _were_ very much making progress,” Tak began. “That is, until it got late and his PAK forced him into sleep mode. Then there was this morning, which was going satisfactorily until all the drama here in the medbay pulled us from it.”

Red simply gestured to her with a hand and a slightly annoyed expression that said, ‘well, you heard her’.

"Oh, and did you manage to contain all the Irkens possibly involved? Did you find out any more information?" Mik asked.

Red shrugged and nodded. “All those that were on the Massive; as for the information, well, it’s all in English and the computer is working on it. - I’m still looking for Bob, though.”

“I am still not clear what Salt meant when he spoke of Bob’s Life Mate. Tallest Red said he killed his Trophy.” Tak paused, then decided to add, “Since Lem was not his Guardian, I can provide no information about him.”

Purple swallowed a piece of mushy fruit he had been savouring. ” _Let me help translate,”_ he said in heavily accented English.

Tak looked at him in disgusted confusion. “Gesundheit?”

"Oh, Tallest Purple just spoke in English. He was studying the language last night and has proven quite keen with it," Mik praised. "He would be able to provide a lot of help and he is quick to pick on what might be a literal translation and what is a human phrase."

Red gasped. “You’ve been learning _English?_ ”

Purple grinned at Mik’s complimenting. “It’s just hard to pronounce. I can't quite get that tongue-thing down.”

"Oh, yes their tongues are shaped differently, short, wide and flat, but flexible so they can make a variety of sounds. Lilith seems to be able to pronounce them correctly with her Irken tongue, but she was also raised to speak both Irken and English," Mik said.

Purple looked down at the still-sleeping form of Lilith. “Maybe when she’s feeling better, she can help me with that,” he thought out loud, then looked back up. “She understood what those guys who attacked us said. - Did you know that English uses a lot of metaphors to express things?”

“No,” Red admitted. “But that explains the cake thing.”

"Humans are very confusing and contradictory," Mik added. "Which reflects in their language, English is very hard to learn and understand as well."

Purple nodded in agreement based on what he’d discovered so far. “I’ve been learning that myself,” he said to back up Mik’s claim.

“That makes sense too. I couldn't do much with the language,” Red said.

"Is there anything that you are having trouble with now? We can try and translate for you. And is Bob missing, his Life Mate too?" Mik asked.

Red pulled out his PAD and sent a file to Mik’s reader…

...That is, he _tried_ but got an ‘unable to comply’ error. “Oh, I don't have time for this…” he grumbled and tipped on the PAD as he searched. After a few minutes, “Oh. - Computer, I’m promoting Head Medical Drone Mik to Wor Hol medical drone status right now,” he said. “Sorry, Lea-Nard. That’s Irkens only, I’m afraid,” he said without looking up. “Which makes him now your superior.”

” _ew status applied. Head Medical Drone Mik upgraded to Wor Hol Medical Drone, effective immediately. - Shall I send out an official announcement, my Tallest?_ ”

“No,” Red grumbled. “Consider it a silent promotion. His assignment is still here on the Massive,” Red said.

” _Yes, Sir.”_

Red turned to Mik. “Congratulations, Mik, you now hold the highest access level available to a medical drone. You now have access to Champion and Trophy profiles as well as other private Wor Hol information.” With that, he finally sent Bob’s Champion file through. “That’s all the information on Bob. If he has taken a Life Mate since, it has not been registered.”

Mik looked over the file. "It doesn't register any new Life Mate, but if he has one then maybe the other smallers who work with him will know. But if they have been threatened by a taller, they may be too scared to talk." He paused. "Maybe Kyz knows of Bob or who to talk to? Janitorial and table drones often work together."

“Good idea,” Red said. “Since she seemed to be more at ease with you and she can’t hardly speak to me, I’ll leave her to you.”

"Yes, also she is with Stink. He can escort her around as they try to find him, as I believe Stink is known to be friendly as well," Mik said. "If you send a message to him, they can go around and ask about him together."

Red nodded. “I can do that.” With that, he sent the message off to them.

“I could ask too,” Tak offered. “Although, after that game with the floor, I don't think anyone will talk to me willingly.” She didn't even try to look as though this bothered here.

“What floor thing?” Red asked.

“Yes, my Tallest. Back when everyone was hopping around the ship for the better part of a day.” She folded her arms smugly. “I took my role _very_ seriously. I was the lava monster, you see.”

"Oh, yes, an Irken came in here concerned about about his well-being after stepping on the molten floor, but I thought the computer said the floor was fine?" Mik asked.

“Oh, the floor was always fine,” Tak said. “95% of this ship is inhabited by morons who didn't realise they were caught in a game.”

“‘The floor is molten’,” Purple snickered knowingly. “And I bet I know who didn't take it upon herself to tell them.”

“What, and ruin all my fun?” Tak asked and scoffed. “Besides, I’m not an information drone.”

"Oh, well, as long as the floor is fine, you should have no problem, but Stink may be better suited to talk with others. General Tak, you were assisting Tallest Red with the PAK scrambler?" Mik asked. "Oh, should I make more of the adrenaline drug for you?"

Red nodded. “That would be useful. Not much else sedates Irkens as efficiently.”

“ _Did you hear that?”_ she whispered happily to Purple. “ _He’s still calling me General Tak._ ” Then to Mik. “Yes, I was. It appears even Trophy smeets can have a talent for technology and mechanics, even though no one wants to believe it.”

The computer audibly huffed. _”My stunray has proven to have high efficiency.”_

“Especially when you can't even locate your target and then declare one of my best invaders ‘defective’,” Red grumbled back.

_”It was the logical reason for him ordering me to stun air and I only tagged him as potentially defective.”_

"I can make some for you right away," Mik said, and turned to his console and quickly made a handful of them, which he handed to Red.

“Thanks,” Red said and handed _one_ to Tak. “In case of an emergency.”

“Just one?” she asked, frowning.

“I don't want you sedating my entire crew,” Red said flatly.

Tak shrugged. “Fair enough.”

“Do you need anything more, My Tallest?” Mik asked. “We can translate more files here if you upload them to Tallest Purple’s PAD while you continue your work. I do not feel comfortable knowing that there are those against the Tallest on the Massive. In fact, it is surprising that they can act this way against the Empire.”

“That’s all for now. Tak and I should get back to work on the scrambler. I think we’re about to have a breakthrough. - Computer, send all the files to Purple's PAD,” Red commanded.

” _Yes, my Tallest.”_ And said PAD chimed.

“That doesn't happen in your universe?” Purple asked.

“Well, no; every Irken is loyal to the Tallest and the Empire. It’s part of who we are. But I wonder...” Mik turned thoughtful. “There seemed to be less influence on emotional filters after being activated. Since, in this universe, everyone is activated since they are smeets, I wonder if there is a greater range of emotions which allows for rebellion under the right circumstances. I do not think a sane Irken could rebel against the Empire, but if they _felt_ strongly that doing harm might do good for the Empire, then their PAKs might not register it as such since they do not wish the Empire harm.”

Red nodded. “Here, a lot of people feel strongly about Wor Hol and traditional Champion and Trophy roles. The Wor Hol officials themselves have a lot of power and influence and no qualms about reporting their superior to the Control Brains. Miyuki had a few evaluations herself,” he explained. ”As she was a Trophy smeet until she became a Tartling, many questioned her capability and right to be Tallest even though she had proven herself as Top Champion during her Wor Hol.”

“And now Tallest Red is following in what Wor Hol officials consider her fanatical footsteps,” Tak added. “I should have been deleted for killing my Champion, but instead he pardoned me. Then he made his Trophy Ascending Tallest. It’s simply _scandalous_.”

“With your new status, Mik, you should be able to access their private files with evidence and charges against me,” Red said. “Although I don't know this for sure. I can't even prove they have any as they’ve somehow managed to hide them from me and they deny everything.”

“Let me see,” Mik said, tapping into his reader. “Oh yes here we are: ‘Red is not fit to rule. He is too connected to the previous Tallest Miyuki and Spork. Both of which proved that Irkens of inferior eye color or gender cannot be fit to survive as Tallest. Red follows with this pattern after choosing a Trophy as ascending Tallest.

‘We of the Wor Hol committee find these actions to be cause for concern. We suspect that Red will not be fit to survive the responsibilities given to him, nor to his choice of Ascending Tallest. If his reign proves to be short, we would like to propose further laws restricting the ability of Trophy Irkens in positions of power and for eye color separation of smeets to be strictly enforced regardless of gender’,” Mik read. “This report was sent to the Control Brains and is under review—no, wait the request was denied as there is insufficient data. ‘No actions have yet shown Red to be unfit, nor his reign long enough to provide stability.’ That was the response from the Control Brains.”

Mik looked down further. “The list of Wor Hol officials who put their name on the complaint are here, Salt is among them, as well as Tilt and Gorp.”

Purple felt alarm run through him and even Red gave a sigh of relief when Mik got to the conclusion. “So, it means it’s okay now, right? They were denied,” Purple asked.

“It means they will continue watching me closely,” Red said. “To gather more evidence against me in the hopes of getting an evaluation approved. - And I can expect more assassination attempts.”

"Yes, that is my conclusion as well." Mik said. "On you or Tallest Purple. Either one of you dying so quickly would be counted as evidence. I would suggest trying to find out from these names which ones are part of the rebellion and which ones aren't. While this report is not good..." Mik said, reading the end again. "The Control Brains are giving you a chance as well. If you can live long enough or create stability, it will solidify your rule. Stopping a mutiny and finding all those against you who plotted to kill a Tallest would be sufficient evidence to prove you are capable of ruling.”

“Then that is what we’ll do,” Red said, and went over to Mik to read the list of names and commit them to his PAK memories. “And we will gather evidence against them as well.”

He hovered over to Purple to think for a moment, then sighed. “We’ll have to review the Massive’s crew. I believe I’ve got everyone on the ship, but I need to know I can trust the crew of the most powerful ship in the universe. - Pur, it’s yours and Mik’s job to assist the computer in translating the memories.”

“Okay,” Purple replied.

“Tak will finish up with the scrambler; and Stink and I will begin reviewing the crew. He knows nearly everyone and is well-liked.”

“Yes, Sir,” Tak said.

Mik nodded his agreement. "I will assist in how ever I can. We can both translate the memories and then review our findings," he said. "And give you any new names we find."

Red nodded. “Excellent.” He bent down to rub cheeks with Purple. “You stay here where I know you're safe.” Then he turned and beckoned to Tak. To Mik, he said, “I wish our universe was more like yours and I knew I could trust all of my subjects. - Lea, your job is still the care of my family and, if I could, I would ask you to assist them in any way they need, but I can't ask that of you.”

“Well, I suppose it’s in the interests of Vort that you succeed,” she said.

Red nodded. “I’ll leave it to your discretion.” With that, Red and Tak left.


End file.
